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Source: DICOBE-00261 – Angie T – PACIFIC GROUP – 2004-03-03.mp3 File: dicobe-00261-angie-t-pacific-group-2004-03-03.mp3 Duration: 01:08:19
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The Pacific Group is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and all members of the community are welcome to attend. The single most important aspect of AA recovery, however, is the principle of one alcoholic relating to another alcoholic. Therefore, only alcoholics actually participate in our meetings. If your primary problem is other than alcoholism, we think it would also be helpful to you to contact an anonymous organization which more specifically deals with your addiction. In any case, we hope that what you learn here may be helpful to your recovery and your understanding. Good evening, my name is Brady, and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Pacific Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. The format of this meeting is two ten-minute speakers, a coffee break, and a main speaker. Tonight, our first ten-minute speaker is Mickey C.
Hi everybody, my name is Mickey Cook, I'm an alcoholic. Is my hair standing on end? I'm sure I got the chills. I'm glad to be here, and I'm glad to be sober. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I guess part of what makes me nervous up here is, you know, I wouldn't ever want to ever do anything to tarnish Alcoholics Anonymous, because it's, it is everything to me. I kind of, the brunt of a practical joke coming up here tonight was kind of amusing. Our speaker, we pull into the parking lot, and I don't know that Angie's speaking tonight. Everybody else in the car knows, and we pull in and I'm helping her dig for her handicap placard, because at least I get to park within six miles of the building tonight, which I'm pleased with. And she can't find it, and I'm getting upset, so she says, I'm the speaker. And I'm thinking, good grief, Angie, you're 47 years sober, and you're blatantly lying to this guy. No, she's not. I'm screaming from the backseat, and the guy says, yes, she is.
I still don't get it. So she parks there, parks in the speaker spot, and I'm walking, I'm going, I can't believe it, Angie. I'm so embarrassed. You know, I've been coming to the Pacific Group for about five weeks. I want to project this shining image of a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm coming here with the speaker tonight, and she's a blatant liar. You know, I still don't get it. I walk in the door, and Kim says, are you going to be a 10-minute speaker tonight? And I thought it was just a friendly gesture. I'd met her recently, and I still don't connect the dots that I'm with Angie, and I'm going to be a 10-minute speaker. Finally, Olivia comes up to her and says, are you going to be the speaker tonight? And I felt like an idiot, because I'd kind of berated this old-timer for lying publicly, you know, like I'm the AA monitor of good behavior. Anyway, but I'm an alcoholic. I came to this meeting about a month ago. My wife was the speaker here, and I'd heard of the Pacific Group. Anybody in Alcoholics Anonymous more than 15 minutes has heard of the Pacific Group. It's like them people over there, and then there's Alcoholics Anonymous was the impression I got, but I felt something here. I felt something here, and I was talking to my friend Larry before the meeting, and I'm an alcoholic. I was sober eight years a week ago, and this is my second time around, and I've always had that feeling that I was looking over at the fence to see how the rest of you were doing, you know, and he said, welcome to the Pacific Group. We're the meat and potatoes of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I picked a sponsor from this group. My sponsor is Tom Bouchard, and he's got his work cut out for him. I'll tell you what. I believe alcoholism is a family disease. My family is riddled with it. My mother died 23 years sober, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with the disease of alcoholism, and my father died from it. He wrapped himself in a shower curtain about 12 years ago, wrote a note, and apologized for being a not-so-perfect father and blew his brains out, and I understand both of those things. I've been to both of those places. I've been to that place where I wanted to give up, and I couldn't drink. I couldn't imagine life with or without drinking, and I've been to that other jumping off place where I just wanted to blow my brains out. I'll tell you a typical kind of drunk that I am. It's my wife's favorite story of my drunkenness. I did a bunch of bizarre behavioral shocks. I'm not one of these people that drank a martini, tripped over the coffee table, and came in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm a multi-marrier, and I do group divorces. When I got sober, I just did three of them all at once just to get them out of the way, but the kind of drunk that I am is I was invited by the chef at this restaurant I was working at to go drink Boilermakers, and you could have invited me to go drink camel urine if it got me loaded. I would have drank, but he was drinking Boilermakers that night. My wife begged me not to swear. I've been better. Anyway, he invited me to drink Boilermakers that night, and I drank way too many, far more than him or anybody else in the group. He had to call my wife to come pick me up, because I was driving her brand new Mustang. She's had pre-Al-Anon, hadn't joined Al-Anon yet. So they came to pick me up, and when they got there, I was laying with my head in the gutter puking, one of my favorite positions, and they took me home in the back of this old Buick, big old sedan-type car, and they pulled into the garage with me laying in the back seat and shut the door and just left me there to sleep it off. Well, I woke up several hours later, it was pitch black in that garage, and I'm laying in the back seat of this car, and it's kind of soft and fuzzy right here, and soft and fuzzy right here, and soft and fuzzy right here, and my first thought is, oh my God, I've been buried alive. I'm in a coffin. It took me a couple of minutes to get my bearings to figure out, oh my God, I'm in a car. So I fight my way out of this
[00:05:01]
car, and the garage door is one of those old wooden doors, and I'm trying to open it from the side, and my head's pounding, and I know I'm going to puke, but I want to get somewhere where it's okay to puke, like a commode or something. And I walk inside, and like I said, my wife hadn't joined Al-Anon yet, and her mouth's attached to the doorknob. I open the door, and she starts at me, and I had this overwhelming urge to vomit, so I put my hand over my mouth, because if you puke on them, they hate that. But all that did was increase the pressure, you know. Now I'm puking for distance and accuracy, and she's having to dodge it, you know. So I go to bed, and I wake up in my own urine, you know, which is typical of my kind of drinking, and when I woke up, she was annoyed, and I couldn't figure out why, because in my alcoholic mind, I had tried not to throw up on her, and I thought that was a kind gesture. I don't know why she was like this, you know. And it's that kind of behavior that got me in here, you know. But I'll tell you the thing that really keeps me in Alcoholics Anonymous, is they say if you, if someone in Alcoholics Anonymous is going to drive you out, look behind you, and see what's driving you in here. I came here for the first time in 1982. The first meeting I ever went to, Clancy spoke. My mother joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and I thought he was very entertaining, and you could probably use him, but I had no need for Alcoholics Anonymous. And I came here, I'm sorry, that was in 1977, but I came here in 1982 for myself. My life had gotten very, very ugly, and I got busy in Alcoholics Anonymous for about five years, and then I had the house in North Downey, and two new cars, and a wife, and a sober wife, and a new baby, and the respect of my community. I was real citizen-y, and doing all those things, and and I didn't need Alcoholics Anonymous quite as much as I used to. You know, when I got here, I went to about 14 meetings a week, and I cut it down to about five a week, and then three a week, and then one a week, and the best way I've heard it put is that it's one a week, and then it's a glass of wine with dinner. I know it's an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but without you people, I'm a real alcoholic. That knot returns in my gut, and I start to feel less zen and ill at ease all the time. I just got tighter and tighter, and I started to get migraine headaches, and I went to a doctor that knew I was an alcoholic and an addict, and he prescribed Vicodin for me, and he prescribed a hundred Vicodin with six refills, seven times in two and a half years. I feel like I owe him a thank you card, but I, he, and I had leveled with this guy. I had told him I was an alcoholic, and being alcoholic, I knew I should not fill that prescription, so I didn't. I didn't fill it till the next day, and it took my alcoholic mind a day to fill it, and I didn't take any that day. I didn't take any till the next day, about two days later, and I didn't take one that next day. I broke it in half, and that's alcoholic thinking. This time it'll be different. I'll break one of these, and half, and I took all 4,200 of them myself. I wet it down for a while, but just prior to becoming Alcoholics Anonymous in, in January of 1996, I sat on the side of my bed, and I was trying to do the marijuana maintenance program, and trying not to drink, and I wanted to die every single day. I wanted to blow my brains out, because the only thing that sets me free is alcohol. The only thing that fleeting instant when it's okay, when I measure up. I wanted to die everything, and I called a friend named Pat Smith, and she took me to the over 50 group, and she said, Mickey, on the way back, she said, Mickey, are you going to stay? And I said, no, Pat. I said, Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't work for me, and had you hooked me up to a lie detector that morning, I'd have passed, because I believed that that morning that Alcoholics Anonymous didn't work for me, and I called her a month later when I was doing a suicide dance, or turn in your keys and your license, quit that job, go on and get it on. It's what I wanted to do. I was doing that dance every single morning. She took me back to that meeting. She said, Mickey, are you going to stay? And I said, Pat, I said, I'm willing to be miserable if I can just be sober, and I haven't been miserable in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm a, I've told my new sponsor, I'm kind of a good little soldier. I'm busy in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I'm not, I'm not guilty of being lazy. You know, I'm busy in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've been, I'm, I've been dragged through the steps to a certain point, just to kind of let go, and that's not what I want. I want somebody to put their finger in her chest every now and then and say, listen, wise guy, there's another place to go, and I come here because I want to get to the other side, whatever that is. I know there's a better place for me in recovery. When I came down here two Wednesdays ago to meet this guy that a couple people had referred me to, I was afraid, you know, and I shouldn't be afraid to go meet another member of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's not freedom, you know, but I know there's freedom to be had here. I'm, I'm, I'm so happy to, I was going to celebrate my birthday, but I hate people that go to meetings and then just show up for their birthday. So, but my wife said, maybe you ought to celebrate your birthday so I can get to know you. Well, God knows what he's doing. I got to be a 10-minute speaker. My name is Mickey Cook.
I'm a new member of your group. I hope to stay, and I'm so glad to be here. I'm just tickled shitless. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. Our second 10-minute speaker is Jackie O. Hi, everyone. I'm Jackie, and I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a drink.
[00:10:01]
I'm so happy to be here tonight. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be sober, and I'm happy to be in the Pacific group. Thank you, Mickey. I want to say my thank yous. I want to thank my sponsor, who my higher power gave me a seat next to her tonight. I want to thank Clancy for being my sponsor for almost two years or somewhere in there. I've been sober since March 1st, 1978, and that's, as of this week, that's 26 years, 26 years, and I'm a person that cannot stay sober 26 seconds. I grew up in Virginia, and I was raised by two wonderful alcoholics. I also think there's a genetic inheritance. I'm entitled to this disease. My mother was 100% Irish, and my dad was mostly German, so I was born with kind of the soul of a Nazi leprechaun. They were alcoholics, and they, like good alcoholics, believed anything worth doing is worth overdoing. They got married late in life, and they started having children, and we were all very grateful in our family for menopause, because my mother had one every year for seven years. She had seven children in seven years, and I was right in the middle. It was a very, very alcoholic family, but my parents, when I was growing up, they didn't drink, and suspiciously they didn't drink. They didn't drink at all. I mean, not at all, and they had one bottle of liquor that was up, hidden. You had to climb up on top of the stereo, walk along the bookcase, and then guess how, I guess I found it, and it was tucked way back up in there, and they said that was for guests, and what I didn't know growing up is that that was really back there to be away from them, because they learned that they couldn't drink, and they just stopped on their own, and they had no friends, and they just sort of ordered the children around and kept building on to the house, and more rooms, and alcohol, they couldn't stop anything, and so I was raised with one predominant inner life sort of sentence that Jackie is not okay. I'm just not okay. I was like knock-kneed, and I was the troublemaker, and I was the, you know, my sisters Judy, Joyce, and Janet were like these really good girls.
My mother would say, Joyce, could you help clean up, and she'd say, oh yes, mother, can I clean the dining room too? And she'd say, Judy, will you do the dishes? And she'd say, yes, mother, can I shine the china too? And then my mother would say, Jackie, could you pick up that piece of lint on the floor? And I would look at her, and I would say what has been the theme of my life, which described in page 30 of the 12 and 12 of our steps, which says the outstanding characteristic of the alcoholic is that of defiance. And I would look at my mother, and I would say, make me. Make me. And they did. They did. They made me. They made me clean up. You know, I was highly disciplined, and I couldn't wait to get out of there. And my parents were wonderful people. They sent me to the best schools. I went to college with Mary M. She was president of her class. I was president of mine. But I just couldn't wait. I had bigger and better dreams.
You know, that make me theme followed me. You know, I started drinking. I started drinking. I started drinking in high school. I was a kid who had liquor in the locker. And I went to high school in the 60s. The 60s were very hard for me because there were all these drugs that came in. I really just wanted to drink, but I did everything. I've done everything that was available pharmacologically and alcoholically up to March 1st, 1978. And the only thing that ever made, there's two things in my lifetime that have made it okay to be Jackie. Number one was alcohol. You know, I have always, you know, even right now, I thought I had to check and make sure there was water here. I just knew my mouth was going to dry out.
I just knew my mouth was going to dry out up here, that it was just going to, my body
[00:15:01]
was going to stop functioning, you know. I'd always felt completely out of control, you know, that I, that I didn't fit in. And this feeling of unneed and discontent, it's in the book, it's nervous, irritable and discontent. I was nervous, irritable and discontent at age two. I was nervous, irritable, discontent at age sixteen. I was nervous, irritable, discontent at age twenty, you know. I couldn't, you know, once I started drinking, I just didn't want to stop.
I started drinking when I was eleven, when I was babysitting, because my parents didn't have alcohol in the house. And I found out that people who babysit, they have alcohol, so I was the most available babysitter in Virginia, you know, I would babysit anytime, anywhere, you know. And I came from a lovely family, you know, I was like, Mickey was talking about the projectile vomiting, you know, just to, so people can identify.
I remember I went to the Lieutenant Governor Marilyn's house, I was dating his son, it was New Year's Eve, and I had seen those movies with Betty Davis and Greta Garbo, and I knew how to behave at an elegant party. I mean, you've seen them, you know, Betty Davis and Greta Garbo, when they get a champagne glass, you know, at midnight, you get a champagne glass. I know what to do with it, you know, we all took a drink at midnight, and I took mine and threw it at the fireplace, you know, because that's what you do, isn't it?
And there was like this stunned silence, and I had just thrown their Waterford Crystal across the room. My dad said, I think I'll take her home, you know, I vomited all the way from Maryland to Virginia. He was so brave, he put me in between the screen door and just shut it and knocked, and when my parents opened the door, I just fell in, you know. And that was when I behaved well, you know, that was the good part of my drinking.
I did go to college, I was always a Dean's List student, I'm very, very smart, and I was supposed to go to London and study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. I had three days before my ship was going to sail, and I fell in love with, you know, an incredible poet, you know, and he told me the best place not to learn anything was in school, and I said, yeah, wow, that's brilliant, you know. And we drank the whole weekend, we had drugs, I came in and I told my parents I wasn't going to go to school, three days before the ship sailed.
And then that relationship lasted two weeks, and I dropped out of college, came across the country, went and lived in San Francisco with flowers in my hair, and proceeded to pursue my number one career, which was drinking. I have one minute, and I'm 20 years old. It went from bad to worse. It went beyond the, you know, ten years later I was drinking, and my best idea that I came up with, I now have a three-year-old daughter, and I couldn't tolerate my drinking anymore, I turned the gas on myself and my daughter, was arrested for child endangerment, got arrested for drunk driving, and as I told you, I'm brilliant, so I decided to quit, decided to quit driving, and then I got arrested for drunk walking, and then I came to AA for the first time in 1974, but I told you I'm smart, I'm a quick study, I figured out what you were doing here, and I knew that if I just got a Mr. Coffee Machine and took Valium, I'd be okay.
So I pursued that for the next four years, and on my knees in a dress shop, I begged God to somehow help me to get sober, and I called a woman whose party I'd been to the night before, and she said, I think I can help you, I'm sober in AA, I have 30 days, and she brought me here, and it's time to stop, and I've been here ever since, 26 years, one day at a time, I do what I'm told, I show up, I pray, I try to help others, and I'm eternally grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous for every second I've lived the last 26 years.
Thank you. AA also has a set of traditions which apply to the group. When the speaker is finished, please remain seated until the baskets are passed, otherwise congestion in the aisles prevents a quick and efficient observance of the seventh tradition. Tonight, our main speaker is Angie T. Did you see me running up the steps?
[00:20:13]
I can do it. Hello everybody, I'm Angie Trejo, and I am an alcoholic, and I don't know where to start except to let you know that I'm sober today. My sobriety date is March the 5th, 1956, and I came and I stayed for my first day. Clancy and I have got together at meetings when he's the speaker, and I've done like five minutes with him, and after the meeting he told me that I never talk about drinking, and I like to talk about sobriety, I like to talk about recovery, but I'd like to start by saying that I drank, I drank a lot of beer, and I don't know how much I drank, but I had enough.
I believe that I was born with the ism, as I have learned in AA what the ism is of alcoholism, and I also would like to know that I have learned about the progression of the disease of alcoholism. When I was 11 years old, I heard my father tell my mom that he wasn't going to drink anymore because he didn't want to set a bad example for his children, and I heard, I don't know if I heard it because they said it to me or because I was eavesdropping, and I think that's the one.
And whatever my father had said, as I just said it, it stayed right here, it never, never ever went away. And when I got to be 16 years old, I thought that I should run away from home, and I left and I went to visit a friend of mine at her work, and she worked in a cigar factory, and she wasn't ready to go home yet, so she gave me a cigar and told me to go to the cantina and wait, and if my friends that don't understand Spanish don't know what cantina is, it's a bar, okay?
And it was a beer bar, and I sat there and in a little table, never moved, I saw people were drinking, so I said, that's what you do here. So I ordered a beer, one, two, three, till I got to 11, plus I smoked half the cigar, and my friend never showed up. So when I got up to leave, the first time I got up from the table, I fell down. They called me a cab and they sent me home. And I went home and knocked on the door, because I had just run away, and I didn't live there anymore, and my dad came to the door, and he looked at me and I said, Dad, you didn't quit soon enough.
You did set a bad example. And, oh my God, he started calling his names, he felt terrible, I had hurt him so bad. He was a good, loving father, and it hurt me so bad that I hurt him, that I just would not drink anymore. And I didn't drink anymore, but I ran with people that drank, I ran to bars, and I did all the good things that drinking women do, I did it without drinking. And I moved on from Texas to Florida, and then Miami, Florida, and then I went to New York City, and I came here a few times, and I went back to Texas.
But everywhere I went, I had that behavior of running to bars, from bar to bar, and having fun, what I called having fun. And one day I was telling my daughter, I said, you know, they say that one day you're going to hear your story in AA, if you hear long enough. And when I was 12 years sober, I heard a lady tell her story from the podium, and I identified with her all the way, everything she said, you know, I could say amen to, except for one thing, she did drugs, and I only drank beer.
And I used to worry when I come to meetings and tell people that I drank beer, and I used to apologize, you know, I never had the problem of switching from scotch to brandy or anything
[00:25:05]
like that, because I only drank beer. And I've heard a lot of speakers that come here, and they go all over the world, and I have learned, and I hope that I can show them that I have learned what they taught me here. The first thing I want to talk about is my sponsor, she, I found a lady that came to my house and presented Alcoholics Anonymous in my living room. And she told me that if I wanted to go to a meeting, because we were discussing my husband, she knew him well, they drank together, I used to chauffeur them around, but I would not drink in front of her.
So when she was talking to me about AA, she didn't know that I drank, so she was looking for Alan on meetings to take me. And at that time there weren't that many Alan on meetings, so she took me to AA, and she presented Alcoholics Anonymous to me in my living room, and she told me that I was going to meet a lot of people when she took me to that meeting. And most important of all, that they were going to love me, these people were going to love me.
And she said, most important of all, you're going to love them too. And I believed her. I had been such a contrary person all my years, that when I went to school, I'd go to school and sit there and say, okay, you're a teacher, teach me. And when I went to church, okay, you're all powerful, save me, you know, make me be good. Nobody did that. When I came to AA, I followed to the letter everything everybody told me.
And they sent me to this meeting and that meeting, and they're going to meet me there, and they didn't. But I went anyway. I didn't get upset. I was thankful that they had given me a place to go to where there was a good speaker there. And I loved the speaker meetings, because it's hard for me to participate in the sharing meetings and in the speaker meetings, I can hide. Anyway, I didn't hide this time, and I hope that nobody's going to regret it, especially me.
Now I don't know where I'm going from here. But anyway, I had a few husbands. Some were mine. Some I gave back. And I grew up with different names, different last names. And one time, I was Mrs. L. R. Johnson. To him, I was married one week. I wasn't there long enough to find out what the R stood for. He thought I was being influenced by my friends, and that's why I was leaving. And so he said, where would you like to go on a trip?
That's when I went to Miami, Florida, because they told me that's where I wanted to go. And I went for about a week or ten days, I don't remember. But when I came back, the wedding had been annulled. So I wasn't married to Mr. L. R. Johnson anymore, and that's how come I never found out. Anyway, you know, I used to go with a guy to a lot of meetings, and he'd always tell me, don't forget to say this, and don't forget to say that.
And he'd sit in front, and I'd say, oh my God, what did he tell me to say? And I'd say it, you know, so he would take me again. And well, he's not with us anymore, but he died sober. And I'm going to try and remember what it was that he wanted me to talk about. He wanted me to talk about Bill Wilson, because I did meet him, and Clancy was there, too. Clancy, that's one. We were at the 1960 International Convention here, and that's when I met him.
And he was the speaker that night, and it was a wonderful meeting in Long Beach. So we had been sober four years, my husband and I, when I went there, and he made that When I went there and he made that, he said that was my reward for bringing him to Alcoholics Anonymous,
[00:30:02]
because he didn't want to come. For the first 22 days that I was going to meetings, I wasn't counting how many days I was sober. I was counting how many days he didn't come and follow me, because I thought I was holding the door open for him in Alcoholics Anonymous. So it was very hard for me to come to meetings as much as I wanted to be here, and I did come regardless of what he had to say to me about it.
He said sometimes he'd say, you go to one more day meeting and don't come home. And I tell him I can't move at night, I move in the morning. And we did that for 22 days. And because he's the only man that was ever able to make me drink again after what had happened with my father and the years that I didn't drink after that. And his sister told me, you know, you can't fight him, join him. So I joined him and he needed a partner, a drinking partner at home.
Anyway, I kept coming to the meetings and I had to sneak meetings. I knew how to be sneaky. And I was sneaking meetings and telling him I went to the movies or I went to a friend's house or gone shopping or something. And I come to meetings, to as many meetings as I could go. I was so high on life, coming to the meetings and changing and learning these things that they were telling me. I don't know what I was doing, but I was doing it.
And we went on panels to take the message. And I figured I'm not taking the message, I think I'm taking the disease, but I'm going. And I've been doing HNI since my third day in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I started going to Tehachapi the first month. And I still go. And we're going the last Wednesday of this month. And I'm looking forward to it. Anyway, you know, my life was all mixed up and I was a very mixed up person from 11 years old.
I think I stopped developing my brain if I did have one. And also I didn't stay in school. I'm a 7th grade dropout and I always say 6th because I only went like one month to the 7th grade. And I always say, well, I don't have to explain that because the minute I open my mouth, they're going to know I have no education. But I have learned and listened to the music in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I have learned the language of the heart.
And that's what I have to talk about today. It's about the language of the heart because here I got freedom. I became free of all the things that were bothering in my head. You know, I felt that I was no good. Nobody liked me. Everybody hated me. Well, I'm the one that really hated myself. I used to spend time at the cemetery and sit there. And I've learned in AA the word meditation. And that's what I was doing.
I go to the cemetery and meditate. And I ask God, why don't you open the ground and let me fall in? I don't want to be a problem to nobody. And I have never been suicidal. I hear a lot of people talk about they wanted to commit suicide and what they did. I was never suicidal because I knew there was nothing there to kill. I was empty inside. And I didn't know the feelings that I know in Alcoholics Anonymous today.
I used to say, I don't care what I do, I can tell the world about it. Because if I'm woman enough to do it, I'm woman enough to admit it. But in AA I've learned that the emotions and the feelings that I have learned and gotten here because of telling it to somebody else. I love the podium and yet I'm scared to come to the podium. But from the podium is where we learn about ourselves. Nobody ever points a finger at anybody here.
But we come and we stand here before you whether we do it good or not. And we share about our life and about our feelings and about the changes that have taken place. And this is where you can sit there and identify. I don't know if you can identify with any of my crazy, crazy things that I did. But there's other people here all the time and everywhere in the meetings. And you try to identify with them.
I identify with everybody, young and old, men and women. And, you know, I talk about, they talk about old timers.
[00:35:04]
Sometimes I don't want to be older than anybody else. I had a little girl come to my house today and I'm trying to sponsor her. And she's real tough. I don't know really how to talk to her like that because she didn't do this and she didn't do that and she was good and didn't do nothing. All she did was drink. Anyway, so she's got a big comeback, you know. And so I was learning about myself because I talked to her a lot about me.
And a lot of things happened that I didn't remember about me. But in sharing with her, trying to get her to identify, I made a big discovery today about me that I didn't know. And here I've been 48 years. But one of the things I told her to be happy, and I didn't know what to do anymore. I said, what time did you get up this morning? And she says, at 5 o'clock. And I says, I got up at 8. Do you know that you're sober longer than I am?
And she said, oh, I'm so glad you said that. I'm old, I'm old. And she liked that, that she had that much more sobriety than I did today. I didn't tell her that. I don't take anything away from me anymore. People used to tell me what a good cook you are, and how good you do this and that. And I say, oh, no, it's nothing, you know. I don't do it. Today I don't take from her. If you tell me I'm a good cook, I'll tell you, yes, I am.
Today I'm good to myself, and I learned that here. To tell you a little crazy things is that one time my husband was going to work, and we hadn't come to AA yet, and he says, darling, please don't drink any beer today until I come home. And, you know, not thinking or anything, I said, okay. And he left. I started to clean house because I had the sickness of cleanliness. I used to clean and scrub and do it over and over again and had my house open for inspection, you know.
And I wanted you to see this and that, and just pointing out what I did, you know. I painted apartments everywhere I went because I wanted them to be new inside. And I must tell you now that I just thought about it. Before AA, in the first eight years that my husband and I were together, we moved 13 times because I blamed the house, I blamed the neighborhood. The house was too big or too small, the apartment, and that's why my husband drank.
That's why we had arguments and fights all the time because of the house. So that's why I kept moving. And his brother-in-law used to say, oh, you guys are rank jumpers. And no, we're not. It's more costly to move than to stay in one place, you know. So anyway, that's what happened there. So he told me not to drink, and so I was cleaning, and I opened the refrigerator, and there was four beers. And right away my head told me, he said not to drink.
Well, when they tell you don't, you do. So I drank one, two, three, and I drank four. And then I said, oh, my God, he told me not to drink. And I finished them. What am I going to do? Well, got to go to the store. And you don't go and buy four beers. So I bought a six-pack. And then I'm worried because we only had four. So I had to drink two. And so then I said, oh, my God, when he comes, he's going to know I drank.
I better drink one. And I came to AA, and I did not know that I was an alcoholic. I'd sit there at all the meetings. I went to as many as I could in the day. And I'd sit there and wish that I were an alcoholic, but I didn't want to drink anymore. And today I know definitely that I am an alcoholic, and I know about the progression of the disease because when I drank those beers, 11 beers when I was 16, and I didn't drink until I was maybe 29 because my husband wanted me to drink.
And I wasn't completely divorced.
[00:40:03]
It wasn't final, my last divorce. And I decided that I don't want to be drinking, so I better get married to him so I can leave him because we were housekeeping. And, you know, the young people think they invented it. But we were keeping house together. And by this time I decided that I better leave. But I didn't want to leave because we weren't married. And I said it wouldn't be acceptable to be his ex-girlfriend, so we're going to have to get married so I can be his ex-wife.
And so we went to the judge, Ida Mae Adams, and we went to her house and we got married. And then a few years later, my ex-husband wanted a divorce because he wanted to get married. And I was working, and I thought, well, send me a cab, you know, or have the lawyer come to my work because I'm not going to waste any time and I want money. Anyway, it got so bad that they finally went to my husband, and my husband said, well, kid, your past caught up with you.
And that's all he said. And so we got a lawyer, and he said we needed to fix that, we need to go to a church. And I'm going to tell you this now that I'm talking about the church. Before AA, I never wanted to be Mexican because I thought Mexicans are poor and they're Catholics. And I didn't like that lifestyle. Plus, I was born the third of 11 children, and therefore I believe I was born out of love.
I don't know about the rest. But anyway, they told me to go to church, and I went to the synagogue, and they wouldn't do it because they don't do that for Catholics. And I went to different churches, and nobody would do it. I decided, well, I talked to myself, and I said, Angie, when are you going to stop this? I wanted to go visit my mother in Texas, and my husband and I used to go, and this one time he couldn't go, and I told my mother, I'm coming to see you, Mom, but my honey won't be able to come.
And she says, I love you and I want to see you, but if he can't come, put him to wait until he can come. See, they didn't want me coming by myself. They were afraid it was going to be another divorce and another marriage. They didn't know what I was going to do. So anyway, I didn't go that time. That's what I did to my family, and I thought I didn't hurt anybody because they didn't see me when I did what I was doing in Texas, Florida, and in New York, and they didn't know what I did.
So anyhow, I decided to stop that, and I decided, okay, stay married. And you know, we were married 54 years when he passed away, and that was two years ago, one day before my birthday. And my birthday is going to be this coming Friday. The day after tomorrow will be my AA birthday. And he died two years ago, one day before my birthday. And then Christmas was my natal birthday, and I was 84. I'm 84, 84 years old, and Friday I will be 48.
And I told my friend Mickey, okay, one. But I told you here it's five instead of one. I told Mickey, I said, 48 and 84, you know, you just reverse it. Isn't that something? And he says, Mrs. Trejo, how long did it take you to figure that out? Anyway, he and Greg take me to a lot of meetings, and I love going more with Greg than with Mickey because Greg is kind of wild, driving. And we were with his wife one time, and she says, aren't you afraid of his driving?
And I said, we do it good, you know. Don't encourage him. Anyway. Also, let me tell you that Mickey's… Also, let me tell you that Mickey's wife, and you know her, Nancy, and you don't know Greg's wife, her name is Hady, and they both call me the other woman.
[00:45:07]
And I love it. You know, it makes my head spin a little bit. Let me see what else I want to talk about. Oh, I want to talk about when my husband came to AA. Finally, he decided one morning, he says, I was rushing around getting ready to go to work, and he says, I want to go to the meeting with you tonight. And I said, okay, like who cares? Because my sponsor had told me, don't bring him literature, don't tell him what you find at the meetings, let him come and find it out for himself.
So I told him nothing. She told me, you can put literature around the house. And so I did. I put literature around the house, especially in the bathroom, where he could read when I wasn't looking. And then she had me do raisins and candies and all over the house and everything like that. And the day came when he wanted to come. And I just acted like, you do? Okay. Anyway, and then in the evening, we were eating, and I said, oh, I'm not going to have dessert.
I said, I've got to get dressed because I'm going to the meeting tonight. And he said, I said I was going with you. And I said, oh, that's right. All day long, I was saying, oh, my darling is going to the meeting. And I was so happy. But she told me not to show any emotions or not to encourage him or anything. So anyway, he came to his first meeting, and we went to the 6300 Club. And that's where the famous, popular place was at that club.
And there was three guys named Jack. And I used to tell them, my husband is going to come one of these days. Will you talk to him? And they encouraged me and said, oh, yeah, we'll talk to him. Sure, we will. We will. We will. So the day he came, I introduced him. And I said, okay, will you guys talk to my husband? And they said to me, does he want to talk to us? My God, I just felt terrible because they're not going to do it.
But you know, they didn't want him to know that I was telling them about him, anything. And what he did for my husband, he was so glad that they had pushed me aside. And they wanted him to himself, so they could talk to him. And I was going to have nothing to do with it. And my husband knew about Alcoholics Anonymous three years before I did. Because he knew my sponsor and her husband, because they worked together.
I used to chauffeur them to bars. And I'd sit at the bar, and they would sit at the table and drink. And I would eat the junk, which was terrible. But I look at it now, and then I think about it. And so she didn't know I drank. So that's why she came around to me when he wouldn't listen to her for three years. And you know, I don't know the experience of going in and out like a lot of people have. I don't say that it's bad. I don't criticize them. I don't judge.
A lot of people do. I've seen people come to the door and not even come in the door. The famous four in the door and didn't come in. I've seen people come and go and come back and establish their lives again. I've seen some that didn't even come to the door and come in the door. And some that I've met and knew well, I just think that maybe they're going to other meetings and I don't see them there.
And I hope that's what it is for them. But when I think that my husband knew about Alcoholics Anonymous for three years and I didn't, he hid any announcements in the radio, TV, and in the newspaper, magazines. He didn't want me to find out AA. So I didn't know about it. So I didn't know about it. And then I was thinking, when I'm 48, next Friday, I could have been 51. You know? But I didn't know about it.
So, you know, it's a good thing because the way I was thinking and the way I was, I don't think I would have followed him. I don't think I would have followed him. When he told me not to drink that time that I drank all those beers, when we were in AA, he told me, he says, Honey, I think you were drinking quite a bit and I was afraid that if you drank by yourself,
[00:50:01]
you would become alcoholic. And so that's why he didn't tell me. But he didn't want me to go to meetings. I used to sneak meetings a lot, a lot. And sometimes he'd run me out of the house, half-dressed. And I'd go to my sponsor's house and dress there and go to the meetings. I got to drink water. Okay. I forgot where I was. Anyway, my friends, I want you to know that I love Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I thought when I met my husband, and Clancy knew my husband real well, and he knew him also when he was drinking like I did. I was at the 600-300 Club when he showed up. And he was still in his cups. And I was there. I was trying to sell him the big book. And I'm sure he knew it inside out already. I found that out later. But I had met a friend that was my husband's friend, and he was selling that Paramahansa Yogananda book.
And he used to come to our work and he used to say, When I buy a book, I'll pay half and you pay half. So when I went to the 600-300 Club, everybody came in, Do you have a book? No. I'll pay half and you pay half. And I wanted everybody to have the book. I used to ride the bus to work. I used to ride the bus to meetings. And everywhere I went, I had literature with me. And I put it on the bench where I sat and waited.
I wanted everybody, somebody, to find those pamphlets and read them. In the phone booth, I put pamphlets there for whoever used the phone so they would learn about Alcoholics Anonymous. Because I'd been so ignorant about AA. I had no idea what it was. In my head, I thought that it was Chamber of Commerce. You join the Chamber of Commerce to go to AA. And so, this lady that sponsored me, they owned a home.
They always had a new car. And so I thought, well, if we had a business and if we had a new car, I could join AA. She told me to call her any time. And so, before I tell my husband, I said, I'm going to wait a year and save $200. And I'm going to tell him, Darling, let's join AA. And he's going to say, We don't have any money. And I was going to tell him, Oh, yes, we do. We got $200. But the year went by and I didn't save the $200.
So, I said, I didn't save the $200. So, I decided that what I had to do would be to find a way to buy a new car. We had good credit, excellent credit. So, I went to apply for a car. And then a barber shop in Hollywood came up from this guy that had an Italian restaurant. He told us about it. And I had money to open the light, gas, and phone. And I put my husband in business in January of 1956. And then in March the 1st, we bought a brand new car.
He wanted a Cadillac. And I wanted a Lincoln. So, we compromised and bought an Oldsmobile. And that was the 1st, 2nd, 3rd. And then on the 4th, I told this lady that I was ready because now we had the business and we had the new car. And on the 5th morning, she came to my house. And I told her I'm ready to join AA. And I didn't tell her about the barber shop. She knew we had it, but she didn't know why I had it.
And so, I didn't tell her that. But I was ready to come to AA because we had the business and the car. And she brought me to my 1st meeting. And Chuck Z was the 2nd speaker I heard in Alcoholics Anonymous. The 1st one was Dr.
[00:55:04]
Physician Heal Thyself, Dr. Marsh. And I just sat there and listened to what they said. I don't know what they were saying, but it made me feel good inside. Oh, it's a green, yellow light. Okay. Oh, one more minute. Okay. When I would share and they have a little bell, I never let them ring that bell. I always quit first. One time I was in, where was it, Kathy? The Marina. And everybody was leaving.
Everybody was leaving. And why are they leaving, you know? And it turned out that it was an 8-9 meeting and I was used to the 9-30 meetings. And I said, that will never happen. And I had a timer with me whenever I went to speak and I'd bring it with me. But I'd be nervous standing here and so I started playing with it. So that didn't work. Anyway, this is so big. And I've gotten so much out of this group.
And I love coming here. I just can't come every Wednesday because I have other things I do on Wednesdays like a women's group and I go to other meetings on Wednesday. I try to come here as often as I can and not make commitments someplace else. But I love being here. I love my sobriety. This is the best, best thing that ever happened to me. I had great events happen in my life like having my little daughter and her brother.
And I don't know where he is. I'm sorry. But my daughter is here and she's a good member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I have so many blessings that I haven't used that I don't dare ask God for anything more. Because you tell me you love me and I believe you. I believe you because I know I love you. And I want to say thank you for having me here tonight. And I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Thank you. Seriously, birthday people, don't forget to pick up your candles from the cake table as you exit the podium. Our first birthday's for two years for Debra B. My name's Debra. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank God, Lydia, Clancy, Pacifica House Treatment Center, the Southwest Lono Club, and all of you. We have a three-year birthday for John C. John Clough, alcoholic. First and foremost, I want to thank God and his grace in my life.
I need to thank Steve Watson, my sponsor, for his continued guidance, support, and example. I'd like to thank Clancy and Charlotte for the yard, my AA brothers. I need to thank my family. Damon, thank you so much for getting me here and raising me. My children are here today and I'm very proud of them. JP and Elizabeth, thank you all from God. Joey, your light in my life just shines brighter every day.
And 143, thank you all for my life. Happy birthday, John. And we have a three-year birthday for Michael G. Michael Galvan, alcoholic. I'd like to thank God. I'd like to thank my sponsor, James. I want to tell my brother Mark that I love you and I hope you stay. I'd like to thank Clancy and all of you. And we have a five-year birthday for James W. My name is James W. and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank my sponsor, Gary Jones.
I'd like to thank Clancy, the Midnight Mission, the kid I sponsor, Michael, all the guys I know from the mission, everyone here. I'd also like to thank, especially BJ and Paulette who are two of my closest friends. Thank you. And we have another five-year birthday for Katie R. We Are Happy. I'm Katie and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank God, my sponsor Robin, Clancy for all that he does, and his sense of humor. I'd like to thank all my AA sisters, my lovely
[01:00:03]
baby Regina, AA as a whole, and all of you. We have an 8 year birthday for Shawna McSee. Hi, my name is Shawna McAllister. I'm an alcoholic. First, I'd like to thank my higher power, my previous sponsors, and you know who you are. Lisa Langley, who set my foundation, Julian Combs, who got me here, my best friend Ron Prater, Helen and Kathy, the interpreters, the parking crew, the crazy mix of 96, Clancy for all that he does, and last but not least, my beautiful sponsor, who's given me such warmth and compassion, and has taught me how to be a lady today. We have a 9 year birthday for Julie R. Hi, I'm Julie, I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank God, and Alcoholics Anonymous, Miriam, thank you for that cake, and to my sponsor, Pat, who couldn't be here. Thank you, Clancy, for the structure of our home group, and thank you. And we have a 10 year birthday for Brian G. Brian Griggs, alcoholic. Thank you, God, Tim, Clancy, and Charlotte.
And we have a 10 year birthday for Karen H. Hi everybody, my name is Karen, and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank God, I want to thank Alcoholics Anonymous, I want to thank my sponsor, Jeannie, I want to thank Evans for her friendship in that cake, and also for her friendship, Sharon. I want to thank Clancy for all he does here, and for starting this small little meeting in West L.A. that I honestly thought would never feel like home, and I'm here to tell you tonight that home is where the heart is, and my heart is with you, and my heart is also with Johnny. Last but not least, I want to thank him for everything. Thanks.
We have an 11 year birthday for Georgia McSee. Hi, I'm Georgia, I'm an alcoholic. I would like to thank my Eskimo, Jeff M., my previous sponsors, Pat Y., Tracy, Jay, Mary and W. A special thank you to Lisa A. and Mary Beth B. for their undying support and friendship. I'd like to thank all the people who do the shows. I'd like to thank Clancy for this group, and for all that he does for me. I would like to thank Mike F. for teaching me about never giving up and courage, and I'd like to thank my beloved sponsor, Marilyn, for her love and direction and support, and for seeing through all my character defects to the person that I'm trying to be. And last but not least, I'd like to thank my fiancé, Jerome, for his love and support, and I'm really grateful that I have found him, and I love you with all my heart. Thank you.
And we have a 12 year birthday for Rick J. I'm Rich, I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Pete for his example. I want to thank Frank J., Clancy, Pacific Group, Class of 92, The Chosen Few. Thank you. We have a 17 year birthday for Jim R. Hi, I'm Jim, I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank God for the courage and the strength to stay sober. I want to thank my sponsor, Dan, for all his love and support. I want to thank his sponsor, Johnny, and I want to thank Clancy. I want to thank the Pacific Group and all of you.
And we have a 18 year birthday for Todd M. I'm Todd, I'm an alcoholic. Thank God, Larry, Clancy, Charlotte, my friends, the AA, Pacific Group, and Don. And we have a 26 year birthday for Jackie O. Hi, I'm Jackie, I'm still an alcoholic. A grateful one. I want to thank my wonderful sponsor, Millie. It's really, really helped me so much. Thank Clancy so very much for everything. And my other sponsors before that were Eileen W. and Rosemary D.
And I want to thank my wonderful husband, who's been with me for 35 years, and he hasn't had to bail me out of jail with the child in over 26 years.
[01:05:03]
And I'm very grateful he came tonight. Thank you, Michael, for working the steps with me this year. And I want to thank Kim for asking me to speak, and that was my birthday party. It's just like, I love it. And I also have to thank Bill LaVie, who was my transition sponsor between Clancy and Millie, and also has been my dear friend for 26 years. And Jerry C., who I got sober with, who has always taken my calls and called me back mysteriously, and now I realize it was because he was in the Pacific Group.
And Harvey, who's taking a cake. He was so kind to me when I first came in. And all of you, the Pacific Group, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you so much. And we have a 28-year birthday. We have a 28-year birthday for Don P. Hi, I'm Don Peck, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm very grateful to be sober tonight, grateful to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, grateful for my sponsor, Larry Garrity, and for his sponsor, Clancy Emeslin, and grateful to the Pacific Group and all of you. Thank you.
And we have a 29-year birthday for Harvey P. I'm Harvey, and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Clancy for always being there for me, for giving me a place to come out of the cold rain 29 years ago. Thank God, and thank all of you. Happy birthday, Harvey. And we have a 30-year birthday for Alan K. My name's Alan King. I'm an alcoholic. God, I can't believe it. 30 years. 30 years without a drink is a long time.
I didn't think I was going to make 30 days, but here I am. I'm sober more than half my life. And Alcoholics Anonymous is the best thing that's ever happened to me. If you're new, I never believed. There was a guy at my first meeting that was 22 years sober. I didn't believe him. But there was a guy that had three weeks, and I thought maybe there's a chance that I might make three weeks. And a day at a time, with the help of many people, I'm here today.
I'd like to thank my sponsor, Clint, for his sponsorship and his friendship. I'd like to thank the class of 1974. I'd like to thank the men that I sponsor, and I'd also like to thank my beautiful wife, Chad, for her love and support, and all of you. We have one out-of-town birthday for Casey S. for one year from Eau Claire, Wisconsin. That's a total of 18 birthdays in 226 years. We have a custom at the Pacific Group of donating a dollar for each candle on our birthday cake.