Is Earl H. My name is Earl. I’m an alcoholic.

Hi, Earl. Hi, everybody. Yeah. Uh, I’d like to thank Claire for asking me to, uh, share.

Always an honor and a privilege, and I want to, uh, particularly thank the first, uh, two 10-minute speakers. They were, uh… That was fantastic. Um, certainly carried the message to me.

Huh. Well, I, uh, I held off drinking until I was 12. I I had been restless, irritable, and discontented for some time prior to that. Um, but I didn’t know that the answer to all my problems was alcohol until somebody said, “Would you like a drink?” And I, of course, said, “Well,

yes, I would.” Um, I drank, and I had a, uh, a spiritual awakening. I, uh, I was suddenly comfortable standing where I was standing, doing what I was doing with the people I was doing it with, and I had, uh, never felt that way before in my life. I was amazed at the effect produced by alcohol.

Um, it was the magic for me. It was the secret to life. Um, and I noticed that I drank, I got drunk, I staggered to my little dorm room. I had been shipped off to boarding school, and, uh, my answer to what I thought was being thrown away by my family, the drinking.

Um, when I woke up the next morning, nobody had died. Nobody had gone to prison. No one had been admitted to a mental institution. I was, uh…

All those things that I had heard about what would happen to me if I were to, to drink were gone. They just poof. I knew that I had f- that they’d been holding out on me. This was the thing I needed more than anything else in the world, and I w- I knew that I needed to do this on a daily basis because there was, you see, no downside to this whatsoever.

I felt better than I had ever felt in my life, and nothing bad happens. I had proof. I had experience. So I, uh, I drank every day for the next 16 years no matter what.

I was given many good reasons along the way to stop, and I never even touched the brakes. I, uh… That’s what separates me from the problem drinker. You give a, you give a problem drinker a good reason to stop, and they actually do.

Didn’t even occur to me. I mean, there were a few bumps along the road. I, uh, a few other indulgences along the way. Many, to be sure.

I am, uh, a child of the ’60s. We were not focused on alcohol. Our parents were the alcoholics. We were not going to drink ourselves to death.

We were going to kill ourselves in a whole new way. So I, uh, engaged in these other things, but I’m… O- on a regular basis. But I must tell you that the only thing in my life, and this is in retrospect looking back on my life, the only thing that was on the table every single day for me was alcohol, and I believe that the reason

for that is that, uh, drugs are completely unreliable. There’s absolutely no quality control going on out there on the street. You got no idea what you’re getting till you get it in your body, and then usually it’s a big mistake. Hence, the need for alcohol.

Alcohol is a very reliable substance. You get yourself a quarter Jack Daniels. You go get yourself a fifth of gin. You know what you got here.

You can count on this. It’s reliable. So if these other little, these other little things aren’t working out, it’s not a problem. You get just a little too, you know, out there?

Don’t worry about it. You suck a little gin through your teeth, you’re gonna be all right. Settle you right down. Alcohol was reliable.

It was my best friend. I counted on it every single day. Um, by the time I was 16 years old, I was, uh, an admitted alcoholic. Very comfortable telling you that I was an alcoholic.

I saw no problem with it. Um, I was committed to my first mental institution, however. And I, uh, I remember being in this mental institution and, and taking my three cups of pills a day and getting my little shot every day and, and shuffling around in there thinking all I really wanna do is ex- is exit, which you got them here, the green exit signs that are lit up.

They had them in that place. They’re red up here. They’re green back in there. And I, I, I love those signs to this day.

It, it just narrowed it down for me so perfectly that that’s just all I wanted, was to exit. And I remember I was gonna make my big break. I was in the cafeteria eating with, uh, Kilday. I always had my meals with Kilday because Kilday was insane, and all you had to do to get Kilday just to lose it was, uh, just say, “Hi, Kilday.

How you doing?” Kil- Kil- Kilday’d just freak. Go on. So every meal was like dinner and a show. You got- You had your little meal.

You had your little meal, and you watched Kilday do her thing. So I used Kilday as my diversion, and I got Kilday spinning off in that direction, and I went to bust out of the nuthouse. It was like, “Ready, ready, go.” You know? And I’m hauling ass.

That’s all I got. And I’m looking down stunned to discover that this is full speed for me. This is all I have. And you hear over the loudspeaker from the nurse’s station, “Uh, Ed, when you got a minute, you wanna grab Earl?

He’s making a break for the door.” Ed’s in there having a sandwich, waving, going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll get him in a minute.” It was, uh… It’s a horrifying moment. You don’t get out of the nuthouse.

If you g- if they get the Thorazine in you first, you’re not leaving till they say. And at this point in my life, my tools for living were drugs, alcohol, violence, and run. These were my tools. These are what I used on a regular basis.

And now I had to add another tool to my repertoire, and that was, if you’re gonna escape, get out before they get the Thorazine in you. So the next time I was, I was, uh, captured and, uh, placed in a, in a mental institution, I escaped the first day. And as I blew out of this joint and the whistles are going off, and I got an intern right on my tail, and I blast out this door, and I’m running across this lawn, and I got a 12-foot ivy-covered chain link fence in front of me.

At this poi- I mean, I’m like 16 and a half, 17 years old. I’m an alcoholic. I, I’m a high school dropout. I’m at any moment, hopefully, an escaped mental patient.

And this is like, this is like my resume. This is what I have to say for myself. But if I make that fence, I don’t have any problems ’cause I’ll be drunk in 20 minutes. ‘Cause I drink no matter what.

No matter what. And as long as I can do that, uh, I, I will let anything else just slip to the side. I mean, I didn’t, I didn’t give up, um, everything that I believed in when I got drunk the first time. Slowly but surely though, everything that I held dear, any morals or ethics that I may have had, anything that I believed in slowly slipped away.

I, I became a casualty in, in the course of my alcoholism. I moved on. I, you know, that was my, my last time they threw me in a mental institution. Did three years out on the street doing what you do to stay, the way we like to stay.

Um, 20… I ended up in college. Long story. Um, not the right way, but I got there.

I, uh, I ended up in college, in business college, and, um, had become a drug dealer and was studying marketing and production and distribution in college. Applying these things to my business, and business was booming, and I had no problem living that kind of a life, um, because I had no, I had no morals. I had no ethics. I had no sense of family.

I had no sense of community. I didn’t really care about you at all. I was afraid of you. I was simply s- so self-centered and so self-contained that I was constantly just sending up the smoke screens.

Put, you know, smoke and mirrors, man. Making sure that you thought everything was cool over here so you’d stay off my back and let me do what I gotta do on a daily basis. ‘Cause I didn’t like it when you got in my face and said, “You know what, man? Your drinking’s out of line.” That to me means you’re cutting me off, and I can’t have that.

So whatever else I’ve got… If I’m editor-in-chief of my college newspaper or if I’ve been accepted to law school, all of which happened, I, I can say, “Excuse me,” you know. I, “This is going on. This is going on.” When I was 20, I was diagnosed to have malignant cancer.

Came back to LA, did major surgery. Did the nuclear medicine stuff. Decided I didn’t like their drugs. Just, just I’m a long-term cancer survivor.

I beat the thing, and, you know, I was lucky. And I, and if you, if you got upset with me about the way I drank, I’d just say, “Hey, I got cancer.” You got cancer? No? Then you don’t understand the pressures I’m dealing with here.

Just step to the side. I’ll go on about my business. Most people… A- a- any, any, any drama or any tragedy, anything that I had going on in my life, I would throw it up on the table if that was what was necessary to get you out of the way so that I

could continue to drink the way I wanted to. I was not connected to another human being on the face of the earth at that point in my life. I, not my family, my friends. It was just about what we got together to do.

It was not about getting to know each other. I never was, I was not interested in your day. “How was your day?” Please. I don’t care about your day.

You got what we need or not? You don’t? Leave. We got to do things here.

We’re busy. Very self-centered, very self-contained. I didn’t know that not being connected to other human beings at all was what it really is, what I was to discover that to be, um, because I was wasted all the time.

And I was starting to overdose and end up in ambulances and going to hospitals and doing all that. Perfectly un- perfectly reasonable as far as I was concerned. These things do happen from time to time. It’s nothing to get alarmed about.

Um, 21, my mother called me and said, “We’ve ne- we haven’t been anywhere as a family in 10 years. We’ll g- we’ll go anywhere you wanna go. Let’s just… We gotta put this family back together.” And I said, “Fine.” Uh, she started crying.

What do you… You know, that’s unfair. You know, how do you argue with a weeping mother? So I flew back to LA, and on my 22nd birthday, we took off to fly to Guadalajara, and on the way there, the plane crashed.

And my mother, my father, and my little sister were all killed, and I wasn’t. And I woke up on this mountain in Mexico, and my skull was fractured. My back was broken in three places. I, leg crushed, arm crushed.

I, paralyzed from the waist down, and awake. I’m laying on this mountain, and my mother’s, my f- my mother was laying right over there, my little sister Kimberly over there, and my father was laying over there, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t get to them.

I couldn’t do anything except lay there and watch them die. And I had a little chat with God, and I said, “You know what? I have no interest in a God that would take someone like my little sister, who was just a kind, sweet, poetic, dear little girl, and would leave a lying, cheating, thieving, dope-fiend alcoholic like me on the planet.” I had no love, no interest in a God of this type, and I renounced God.

And then some guys came up, and they scavenged the plane wreck. Took the w- money out of my wallet, threw it back on my chest, and went back down the mountain and left me up there to die. I had no more love of you either. I was, uh, I was out of the game.

I had no love of man and no love of God. I knew I was alone in the world, and I was fine with that, and I was gonna get down off that mountain, and I was gonna show you how angry I was. And that’s where they took me down off the mountain in the back of a flatbed truck laying next to my mother, and they tagged my mother dead, and they tagged me dead, and they sat there smoking cigarettes waiting for me to die, and I didn’t. And finally, they took me to a hospital, and the, the Federales showed up and began to interrogate me through an interpreter for the next three and a half days.

They had found out my name, and they wanted to know what I was doing back in Mexico, which is a whole other story we don’t need to get into here. But they didn’t like it that I was there, and I eventually called a friend of mine in Northern California, who called his family in Mexico City, who, uh, flew in a plane, paid a bunch of people off. They plastered me from the neck down.

I flume– got flown back into the States, spent a long time in a hospital. I was told I would be, uh, um, have some very serious permanent injuries. I told them that they didn’t even know who they were talking to, and I got my custom-made brace, and I got my cast, and I got my custom cane, and I got– I maximum Demerol every three hours around the clock, and I busted out of that place and, uh, went on my last run, and it lasted for four and a half years.

I wasn’t very interested in drugs at this point anymore because they weren’t getting the job done. They were not getting rid of the pictures in my head that I knew I couldn’t live with. Um, but alcohol did. Alcohol got rid of the pictures.

I used other drugs just to keep me on my feet so that I could drink the way I wanted to drink. And when I’d get so sick I couldn’t drink anymore, I’d take pills till I could get w- well enough back on my feet so that I could drink the way I wanted to drink. I did that for four and a half years. By the time I got sober, I was, uh, twenty-eight years old.

I had hair out like this. I had a beard out like this. I weighed two hundred and fifteen pounds. I was yellow.

I was psychotic, and I don’t use the term loosely . I, uh, could not distinguish between fantasy and reality. I had– It was just a big, mad blur. I had broken seventy-four bones.

I had over six hundred stitches in me. My family was dead. I had no friends. I had no place to live.

I burned my life to the ground. I’d, I’d burned it to the ground. And, uh, I came out of this blackout, and I don’t know why it was any different than any other blackout. Both my hands were broken.

They were deciding whether or not to, uh, charge me with attempted murder. Um, and I just threw up my, these busted paws, and I just said, “Help.” And they took me to an emergency room, UCLA Emergency, pumped my stomach one more time, said, “Get him out of here.” And they took me to Olive View Medical Center. They kept me for five days, and I got worse.

Then they took me by ambulance down to a place in Long Beach, Long Beach General Hospital, under the care of a Dr. Vicky Fox, who was a real piece of work. Um, she was this Georgia peach man with her hair up in a beehive with a pencil in it. Had a, had a chain with glasses around it, files always under her arm, and she’d stick a cigarette in the corner of her mouth and light it and just leave it there.

Ashes down the front of her. And she walked in a room, and I mean, there was forty-two of us detoxing in one big room. You know, cots with sheets between them. It was a zoo in this place.

And, uh, they’d give you anticonvulsants, and that was it, man. You kicked like a dog in there. And we’d all be sitting in there trying not to throw another seizure. And she came walking in, and everybody just froze, you know?

Just your heart would stop. She just kinda pi– she locked on me, and I thought I was gonna faint. And she walked over to me, and she put her hand on my cheek, and she patted me on the cheek, and she said, “Baby, you really do need to be here.” And I just went, “Yeah.” And she left, and I stayed there.

The– And I stayed there for, uh, forty-two days on a free bed ’cause I didn’t have a dime. And I came out of there, and I knew one thing: “You don’t wanna die, you better stop drinking. And if you wanna stop drinking, you better go to Alcoholics Anonymous.” And I said, “Okay.” And I ended up in the basement of a church on a Friday night, eight thirty meeting, and I sat in the back, uh, head full of just insanity, terrified of everything and everybody.

None of my tools for living worked anymore. I was a wreck. I was a wreck. And I knew there was no way I could tell you who I was ’cause if I did, you would ask me to leave ’cause you looked like reasonable people, and that’s what reasonable people would do.

So I just said, “I’m gonna shut up and sit here and hope they got something.” And this old guy got up. He was sixty-five years old, skid row bum, wino, ex-boxer. Have no idea who he was. He got up, and he shared his experience, strength, and hope, and he blew my mind.

He talked with a grace and a dignity I had never seen before in my life. Um, he told the truth about how, how he felt as a man and how he made it, how he got with his head chewing on him, how he used these tools in Alcoholics Anonymous to get through a day being of service to others and creating very minimal or no wreckage in his life. And I was amazed.

And he said… And it was like he looked right at me and he said, “I don’t care whether you like what I got to say or not. You don’t like it, go to another meeting.” And I loved that. I did.

I mean, it made it– It was like it was so clear to me. This guy’s not selling me something. He’s sharing it with me. If I want it, I can have it.

It’s for free. If I don’t want it, that’s cool. Go to another meeting. Maybe you’ll hear something else that you can identify with.

And I got– I left that meeting with something I hadn’t had in years. I left with hope. I was hopeless when I came here, and I, and I left my first meeting with some hope, and I’ve never left. That was, uh, eighteen years and ten months ago.

And I’ve stayed– And I couldn’t stay sober for a day. But because of Alcoholics Anonymous and, and, and the men who had come before me, I’ve been able to stay sober. I, I could not stay sober. I didn’t have the tools, the wherewithal, the understanding.

I knew I was an alcoholic, and that did me no good at all. I didn’t understand what alcoholism was. I didn’t know what I was up against. I didn’t understand the problem.

I didn’t know how to apply any kind of a solution to it whatsoever. As I came here and, and I, and I heard what you all had to say, and I listened to you, and I would cry all the way home, and I would pace around in this little one-room apartment that I’d gotten, trying to get tired enough to get an hour’s sleep or so, and then I’d just hang on for another meeting, and I’d go to another meeting, and they kept saying things, and I’d m– people would– The only reason I met anybody is people would come up… I never took a chip.

I didn’t take a cake till I was three years sober, and I didn’t say a word till I was two and a half. And if you’re new, I would highly recommend that you not do that. But it was as fast as I could go. I mean, the only reason I talk to people is they’d come up and say hi, and I’d go, “Hi.” And they’d go, “How are you?” And I’d say, “Fine.

How are you?” I just- You know? “You keep coming back.” “Yeah, you too.” I have no idea what that means. Where the hell else am I gonna go? I got– They coulda told me when I got here, “AA meetings from noon to midnight every day, and you gotta go to one a day.” And I woulda had…

I would’ve said, “Okay.” “It’s not interfering with my schedule. I got-” “I got nothing going on.” And then somebody said, “You gotta get a sponsor.” And I said, “Okay, I’ll get a sponsor.” And I remembered this guy, and I called this guy up. It was, uh, it was the late, great Donald Madden. Donald Madden was my sponsor right up till the day he died, almost for f- almost 14 years.

Called him every day. I was with him longer than I was with my parents, and he saved my life because I made a conscious decision, “I gotta trust somebody. I’m gonna trust this maniac.” He’s insane. I mean, he’s insane.

He’d been in 23 mental institutions. Only guy I ever knew got evicted from the nuthouse. They told him, “You have to go now or you’re never gonna leave. Now go.” And he went, and he came to AA, and you rebuilt him.

You rebuilt him from the ground up. And he got ahold of me, and I went over to his house, and I said, “Will you sponsor me?” He said, “Oh, yes.” “And you don’t have to like what I tell you, and you don’t have to think it’s a good idea, baby. You just have to do it.” And I said, “Okay.” And I just started crying ’cause I hadn’t asked anybody for anything in so long, and I was just bawling on the table, and he had an assistant sitting in the room, and he looked over at his assistant and he said, “Oh, look, it’s wonderful.

He’s destroyed.” And my head came up off the table and I thought, “What have I done?” “He already knows. Somehow he already knows that I’m destroyed.” And it was true of my entire relationship with him. When I was ready for the next little bit of information about who I was, he let me know.

I mean, the guy knew me. He knew me. He knew what to say to me. And Donald, it was about get into action or you’ll die.

So it was going to meetings and setting up meetings and, and, and going over to hear this guy that he sponsored speak, and run over and pick that one up and take him over there and sweep up that meeting and get the coffee made over there and do this. And I was just this flurry of AA activity, man. I thought I was doing great.

It was go, go, go. One alcoholic working with another. Go, go, go. And we were just in it, man.

And I thought I was do– I got about six and a half years sober, and I thought, “I’m feeling kinda squirrely.” And I walked up to an old-timer, a guy who used to come to this meeting. I said, “I’m doing all this stuff, five to seven meetings, seven to nine meetings a week, taking out two panels, sponsoring these guys, never turning down an AA request, got these other commitments, doing all this stuff, and I’m feeling a little nutty. What’s wrong?” And he said, “Earl, saw you come in. If you don’t get a program, you’re gonna die.

Go away.” I said, “Hold on, pal,” and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my little litany. And he said, “That’s the fellowship, son. Glad you got it. Vital to your recovery.

The program is in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest you get it and read it as if your very life depends upon it, ’cause clearly it does. Now go away.” I said, “All right, you old bastard. I’ll get a big book, and I’ll, uh…

I got one at home.” They– I know they’ve rarely seen something. I know some of this book. They rarely saw something. And we went, and me and this buddy of mine who had eight years, I had six and a half, we got the book, and we started following around the book thumpers, the guys we avoided at all costs.

We started listening to them, and we’re going through the book, man, I mean, a word at a time. We’re going, “You, you got that sense? You agree with that?” “Yeah.” “You identify?” “Yeah.” “Me too. All right, let’s go to the next one and read that one.” And we’d go, “Hey, you know that thing they say?

There it is right there.” We read on a little further, and we just go, “No way. Look at that. There’s that other thing right there.” And we started reading and absorbing this thing, and after, after we went through the hundred, the doctor’s opinion, the 164 pages, my friend looks at me and he goes, “You know, I gotta tell you something. It’s kinda freaking me out.” And I said, “What is it?” And he goes, “You’re really changing.” And I looked at him and I said, “You know, I’ve been kinda keeping that to myself, but I’ve been thinking the same thing about you, man.

What is going on?” I mean, we were changing as a result of this experience we were having by going through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined in the big book. And then all the guys– We were sponsoring all these guys, going, “What the hell should we do?” And we’d say, “Well, we’re gonna have a book study.” And we got together, and we did the book, and we took them through it. And we saw all of a sudden they were lighting, all of them are lighting up, right? And they’re dragging more guys in and said, “Well, you guys go over and do a big book study over there.” “Great.” So they go over and they’re doing that one there.

“You guys go,” and we… All of a sudden fanning out, man. And all of a sudden there’s all these people doing the book. We’re, we’re looking across meetings going, “Yeah, book.

Yeah, yeah.” And I thought the greatest thing about it for me is, is that I could go to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I could sit in the rooms and be grateful that I was there. And when people would get up at the podium and talk, share their experience, strength, and hope, I could sit there quietly and think to myself, “Well, that guy’s talking about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and that guy’s not.” And I could just kinda like separate it out and wade through it and find out where the meat and potatoes was, ’cause I know who I am. And I mean, I gotta do the whole thing.

If I don’t do the whole thing, I’m a dead man. And I’ve always been a pig for the buzz. I gotta go get the buzz. And if I’m gonna be in AA, I want the buzz.

I want the big buzz. I want to get lit up with it. I don’t wanna be too ashamed or too, too much in the background to not be able to stand up and say, “You know what? I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. I am so grateful to the program and the, and the members of Alcoholics Anonymous for, for doing what they’ve done to keep this thing going and keep it alive so there was a place, even a place for me to come, let alone get the message that, that’s available in rooms like these.” It’s… I mean, I got…

I’m not a joiner, okay? I wasn’t on the Little League team. All right? I never did…

I didn’t… You know, I, I’m not like, “Yippee, you know, let’s all go be in the glee club.” That’s not my thing. This is the only thing I’ve ever joined in my life. And I haven’t just joined this, I’ve embraced it.

I mean, I’ve met some absolutely remarkable people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, real… I came here, I didn’t have any heroes. I got some now.

Some of them are in this room. You know, people that I look at and I just think, “It’s, there’s just no way to get from where they came to where they are today.” Uh, they ca– How can that happen? And I just kinda smile and go, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Made just for me, made just for an alcoholic.

A place for me to go to solve the problems that are running rampant in my life. I mean, Alcoholics Anonymous… I w- I was hanging out with some guys earlier and we were looking in a book in the, in, uh, um, this afternoon, and this guy was saying, “This means a lot to me, Henry.” He opened up this page of the book and it said, um, “AA doesn’t help me with my drinking.

AA helps me with my sobriety.” That I had so many… The problem is me. I had so many s– I was so unable to be in the world and to accept life on life’s terms. I was incapable of that, and I medicated myself viciously for years.

And I came in here and it was, I was told, “If you wanna live, you’re gonna have to face life on life’s terms. You’re gonna have to show up and be here on the natch, man. And there’s a way for you to get the tools necessary to make that possible, for you to be comfortable sober.” Because I knew I’m not gonna stay sober unless I can get comfortable being here. So I had to do the whole deal.

I mean, there’s this circle with a triangle that we’re all familiar with, and it’s an ancient spiritual symbol that stands for mind, body, and spirit brought together as a whole human being. And therein lies the balance I had sought my whole life and never had. I didn’t have it drunk. I didn’t have it sober.

I was maniacal as a newcomer. They said, you know, “We need to exercise, right?” And I thought, “Okay.” I began to run. I ran… My, my…

I had a doctor who said, you know, “You can’t run. You’ve broken 74 bones. It’s impossible. You’ll just…

It’s, you’re gonna cripple yourself.” I went, “Eh.” And I used to run. And I would run and run and run, and I would show up at meetings. “How far did you run today?” “Six miles.” Show up the next week. “How far did you run today?” “Eight miles.” I’m hallucinating, eating bananas and yogurt in meetings.

You know? Saying things like, “I never knew how blue the book was.” Just… Getting a little sketchy. Stress fractures in my feet.

My knees are killing me . I gotta crawl across the floor when I get out of it. But running is good. Ran a half a marathon.

Somebody said, “Stop it.” I went, “Okay.” Lifted weights till I just ripped the muscle from the bone, you know? Just lifting weights, lifting weights, you know? “Okay. Something’s wrong.” You know?

How are you? Good to see you. I was just… I was annihilating myself, and that’s sober.

Behaving the same way in relationships. Just this… So intense all the time. And, but loving being sober.

I wanted to be sober. And Don used to tell me, “Nobody could get you sober, and now apparently no one can get you drunk.” I went… And I stayed. And I found out that that symbol was there, and I found out what it meant, that AA had adopted that symbol, that the balance was available to a guy like me who’d never known it in his life.

That what I could do was I could understand what AA had done with that symbol. If the u- body… The unity was the body. I must, I must be with my fellows.

I can’t get sober, but we can. I can get sober if I stay with you. So I’ve got to go to meetings. I’ve got to avail myself of the commitments that are in meetings that allow me to attempt to start to man- to start to attempt to manifest some of the spiritual principles, like having a coffee commitment, getting

out of self, out of self. Less me, more God. Less me, more God. Th- things were happening to me that I didn’t understand.

My, my understanding of it was not required. It was just happening ’cause I was taking the action. They said the recovery is of the mind, the greater aspect of my disease, that I, this wasn’t about stopping for me anymore. It was about staying stopped and getting comfortable enough to stay stopped.

Now, how do I deal with the obsession of mind, the thing that tells me I can drink like a normal man, the thing that takes me back out again? I can work those 12 steps. Very simple. Step one, what’s the problem?

Lack of power is my dilemma. Powerless over this thing. Whole life’s unmanageable as a result of it. That’s my problem.

What’s my solution? Step two. It’s gonna take a power greater than me that could restore me to sanity, soundness of mind, relieve me of the obsession to drink and use. Could I come to believe that?

Absolutely. And I haven’t even got off the couch. Here, yep, that’s gonna have to be that, all right, yeah. Step three said, “Well, you know, you better make a decision to do something about this ’cause this is a program of action.

It’s not what you know around here, Earl. It’s not gonna do you any good. What you do is what’s gonna save your ass, so you gotta do something. Or you’re gonna have to make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of this God.” And I said, “Okay.

Let’s do it.” So I got down. It said, “Get down on your knees.” I got down on my knees, read the third step prayer in the book. A little spooky, but I did it. Got back up on the couch, and then it says, and then it says, and I paraphrase, “We hope you were serious about that.” Now you tell me, right?

Why didn’t you tell me that before? So I did that. Keep going, keep going. It said, “Well, this is all a waste of time unless you embark upon a plan of action.” I said, “Okay, what do you want me to do?” It said, “Well, we’re gonna deal with you, we’re gonna deal with God, and we’re gonna deal with others, ’cause there’s nothing, nobody else to play with.

In four and five, we’re gonna swallow some large chunks of truth about ourself here, Earl. We’re gonna take a good look at how, how you’ve been handling things up to now. We’re gonna do it in specific areas. We’re gonna do it out of the book.

When you’re done, we’re gonna invite another guy into the house, and before God, you will read this to that guy. He will immediately leave.” “This has been my only contact so far.” It says, “All right, now in six and seven, we’re gonna hook it back up with God. We’re gonna ask God to remove the defects of character, Earl, because you’ll remove the wrong things.” Fair enough. Fair enough.

“Eight and nine, w- we got a lot of conversation in the book about this, Earl, ’cause we’re actually gonna let you out of the house. For the first time, we’re gonna let you near other people, and we wanna make certain that you don’t harm anyone in your little endeavors out there.” So I read all that stuff in the book, and I went out there and I said, “I’m very, very sorry. Here’s your money,” and went back in the house. Ten, 11, and 12 are gonna keep me in the game.

Same three things, me, God, and you. Simple. Me, I continue to take personal inventory, and when I’m wrong, promptly admit it, ’cause I didn’t get, I didn’t achieve perfection in that first pass-through. I’m a work in progress.

I gotta keep working on it. I gotta keep paying attention. I have to review my day. 11, I seek God.

I seek God through prayer and meditation. I pray for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out, and I meditate to quiet the mind so that when the answers come, I can hear them. And 12, having had a spiritual awakening, having been relieved of the obsession to drink, I can practice these principles and carry the message. Service.

Unity, recovery, service, mind, body, spirit, and I can go out into the world with an attitude of how can I help as opposed to what’s in this for me? Not ’cause I’m a good guy, but because I wanna stay sober. I wanna stay sober. My primary purpose is to stay sober and carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

I don’t have to debate that. I don’t have to find my little way of getting around this and factoring in that and pumping that up. I gotta just do that, and if I do that, all this other stuff seems to take care of itself. I mean, at this point in my life, I mean, I have …

What it’s like now, right now for me is, is that I have an amazing life, and I’m not talking about the car and the woman and the house and the career and the wardrobe, you know, and the, you know, the right shoes, you know. I don’t go to the right clubs. I’m not seen in the right places.

It’s, that’s not, I’m not talking about out here. I’m talking about my life. The, my real life, my inner life, my spiritual life. I’m talking about I’m comfortable standing where I’m standing, doing what I’m doing with the people I’m doing it with today.

I’m talking about the fact that I, I’m comfortable being sober. I’m talking about the fact that I love waking up every day wondering what’s gonna happen next. I don’t live in a constant state of fear anymore, ’cause I can’t be coming from a place of love and a place of fear at the same time. And I was informed pretty early on that ours is a code of love and tolerance, and that I’m supposed to do my utmost to try to present myself to the world in that way.

Because I came here an, with no love in my heart for anything or anyone, and I was an incredibly intolerant human being of myself and of everyone else. And so I had to completely turn things around. I’m happy being Earl. I’m comfortable being Earl.

I love being sober. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. I ha- I’m loving and being loved by other people in my life. I have a relationship with a, a higher power that I don’t understand, but it’s not r- necessary, once again, that I understand what’s going on.

It’s just that it’s so obvious to me, and I, I see evidence of this relationship and this power in my life on a daily basis. Now, I mean, look, I have, I, I’m in a great relationship. I’m, I’m in a relationship with a woman that I absolutely love dearly and I feel very loved by. I have friends that it brings me to tears.

I’m, I mean, how strong the bond is between myself and, and, and several other men in Alcoholics Anonymous, how important they are to me, because they’re the family that I’ve never known. And I’m not bound to them by blood. I’m bound to them by a spiritual path, and I’m telling you, it’s much stronger.

Uh, and I’m having a real good time. I mean, anybody that knows me will tell you the good times aren’t wasted on Earl. I’m ready. I’m in a constant state of preparedness for fun.

I do all kinds of things that I never thought a guy like me would be able to do. I get to be of service to other people. I sponsor a lot of young men who call me up and say, “Well, what do you think I should do about this?” And I say, “Well, my experience with that is this. When I did this, this is what happened to me.” And they say, “Thanks.” And then they go do whatever it is they’re gonna do, you know?

And we get together and we rally around the big book and the 12 steps that are outlined therein. And, and li- I feel like I’ve been sober now longer than I drank. And my goal is not…

As much as I would love a 740i BMW. Beautiful thing. Would love one of those. With the full knowledge that it’s not- it’s gonna get old.

I will drive it and it will get old. I would love one of those. But when the lights go out in, for my life —the lights are dimming and I’m laying on that bed— I’m not gonna be laying there thinking, “Man, I am glad I got that Beamer detailed tonight.” “‘Cause I’d hate to leave behind a dirty car.” “I’m glad I made a vast amount of money and impressed all those around me by my money-making

ability.” That’s not what’s gonna be going through my head, and I already know that. What’s gonna be going through my head is, “I really, really hope that I helped more people than I hurt.” And I hurt a lot of people. I really hope that there was some value and purpose in my life, and I did not have either of those things when I got here. There was no value.

There was no purpose. I was just taking up space and sucking up your good air. That’s all I was doing. And hurting people and not giving it a second thought.

I just… There’s no way to explain how grateful I am to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. There’s just no way. I had no idea when I got here that e- that you could feel like I feel.

That you could just… That things could happen and you could just go, “Well, you know what? That’s just what’s happening over there,” and not buy into the drama and not ra- rise to the bait of others who would choose to bait me. To not get into the gossip.

I mean, yeah, I, you know, all the things that I hope not to do, I do, but I do them so much less than I ever have. Um, it’s getting better. It’s getting better. It’s still getting better.

And I believe that there’s a greater love ahead of me. There’s more dignity as a man ahead of me. There’s more opportunity to be of service. There’s a deeper understanding of my God and my fellows ahead of me.

That there’s just more waiting to happen. And all… What I have to do is stay the course and be of service. And if I do that, amazing things can come to pass for me as they have for countless others.

If you’re new, this goes way past not drinking. It’s a design for living. There’s a real opportunity to, to b- to get free, to not be enslaved, not just by alcohol, but by old thinking and old ways and preconceived ideas and contempt prior to investigation.

There is a way to break free and really let it rip on this planet. To catch the buzz, man. To get in between those and have the moment and live your life so that when the lights dim, you can go, “Man, I was there for that.” That’s what I want. So I’m going for it.

Nice talking. Good evening. My name is Lisa, and I’m an alcoholic. Hi, Lisa.

The Pacific Group is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and all members of the community are welcome to attend. The single most important aspect of AA recovery, however, is the principle of one alcoholic relating to another alcoholic. Therefore, only alcoholics actually participate in our meetings. If your primary problem is other than alcoholism, we think it would be helpful to you to contact an anonymous organization which more specifically deals

with your addiction. In any case, we hope that you’ll learn– that what you’ll learn here may be helpful to your recovery and/or understanding. Welcome to the Pacific Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is…

The format of this meeting is two 10-minute speakers, a coffee break, and a main speaker. Our first 10 minutes, te- 10-minute speaker is Jennifer K. Hi, I’m Jennifer.

I’m an alcoholic. Hi, Jennifer. Um, first of all, I’d like to thank Claire for asking me to participate. It’s an honor and a privilege.

Um, I, uh, was born in Illinois. I come from, um… Well, actually, I was, I was born in Iowa, and I grew up in Illinois. Um, I’m the youngest- Um, Midwest.

Let’s just say Midwest. Um, I’m the youngest of eight kids. And, uh, my people in my family, my whole family, uh, drank and partied from the time I can remember, and it was, it was really fun. I, I remember when I was really little going to, to, uh, to sleep at night sometimes on the weekends when, um, either my parents would be having a party or my older brothers and sisters

if my parents were away for the weekend or whatever. And I would fall asleep to the sound of… If it was my parents, it would be like, um, cocktail glasses clinking and ice and, and laughter. And, and if, um, if it was my brother, my older brothers and sisters, it was, uh, just whatev- it wasn’t…

It was mostly kegs that they had, so it wasn’t… And beer cans and that kind of thing. But, um, but I love that, that sound, and I remember it just made me feel really good to fall asleep to that, to the sound of parties going on. And, um, and I never, I never thought twice about taking a first drink.

I just always thought whenever, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, that’s when I’m gonna do it. And I was about 13, a bunch of girls in the neighborhood got together, and we got a bottle of, um, Jack Daniel’s, and we drank it. And, um, I think it was just me and another girl, and it, I was just- Well, it was like four or five of us. Well, there were four or five of us, but there were only two of us who were really wasted from it.

And, uh, and I remember just thinking that night that my problems were over. And I, I was always kind of a nervous kid and, um, and just sort of, um, anxious and, and very ambitious. I thought, I think from being the youngest in the family, I, I really had to prove myself. And I was always worried that I had to be doing something.

I had to be the President of the United States or an astronaut or something. I mean, I had to do something big. And that night, everything was okay, and I, I just remember thinking, “That’s it. My problems are over.” And I didn’t really realize that I had to be drunk to get that feeling, and I learned that later on, that I, I needed to be drunk, and that, that worried me early on, that, um,

the only way to get that feeling was to be drunk. Um, I went away to college. Uh, I was on the diving team in high school, and um, I was on the diving team in college when I started, and I was very ambitious with that, and by the end of my freshman year, I quit, um, ’cause I wanted to just have time to go out and drink and party and stuff.

And I wasn’t that good either. I, I had won every, every meet in high school. I was from a very small high school, and I went away to a Big Ten school, and I was just getting killed, and so I, I quit after my first year. Um, but I, I hooked up with some people who did, uh, this professional high diving thing in the summers, and they, they c- talked

me into doing this, um, for my summer vacation. And I remember thinking that this, uh… I was, I, I didn’t– I was really nervous to do it ’cause I, I hadn’t been up on the diving boards for a while, and I remember thinking I, I j- I wanted to go there because I wanted to get away and drink as much as I could, and I didn’t want people to know me.

I just wanted to be someplace where I was– I knew that these divers were heavy drinkers, and I just wanted to blend in and drink as much as I could. And um, and I got there, and I thought that, um, that, that I could just drink and nobody would notice. Well, it turned out they did notice, and, uh, which was- Wow … it was frustrating to me because everybody drank a lot and, and people would come up to me and say, you know, “You gotta watch your drinking.” And I thought, you know, “What?

Why is that? What’s, what’s happening with that?” And I think that’s one of the reasons why I never thought that it was alcohol that was the problem. I thought that I was a little bit crazy because other people drank as much as I did, and they were fine, and I always seemed to be the one to be just completely falling apart and falling apart at the seams. And um, I was out at night, and I would, um, get in fights with people or end up sobbing in the bar, and I mean, just, just kind of humiliating

experiences. And um, and I just thought– a- and the whole reason I would– I went over, I did this for three summers, and the whole reason I, I kept thinking, “I just need to unwind.” I was, I– When I was in college, I, I worked really hard, and I was really intense. I either studied or I drank, and it was like by the end of the year, it was like I needed a break, and I needed to, to let my, my mind rest.

And I thought if I just went and drank for three months straight, that I would be, that I would be relaxed. And every time, every time I got back, and I was just, it was, I was getting more and more nervous. And finally, my last summer there, I, uh, I, I wasn’t, I ki- I got fired. I– They replaced me early.

I guess they fired me. Um, and they, um, ’cause I couldn’t do the dives anymore. I just, I was wiping out in the middle of the shows and, um- And my boss at the time was a good friend of mine from college, and I think he felt bad, but he was just trying to figure out a way to get me out of the show because I was just a wreck.

And um, and I just, I, I remember the, the night before I was supposed to leave, um, I, w- we had a big party, and I was drinking all night, and uh, and I overslept. I missed my flight, and I had all these bags. I bought a bicycle, and I just put the bike, didn’t take it apart at all.

I just put it in a box, and it was this huge, huge box, and I missed my flight. And I remember they just, they drove me to the airport and dropped me off and just drove away. They were like, “You’re done. Gone.” You know?

“Take– Good riddance.” And, and I remember thinking, “That’s it. I’m gonna, I’m gonna really make something of my life, and now I’m gonna, I’m gonna pull it together and really be a, like a decent person.” And I came out to Los Angeles, um, to go to graduate school, and my plan was to just drink on the weekends, and I was gonna be, um, work hard during the week and only drink on the weekends. And um, and the, the thing about that was I, I was really nervous about graduate school.

Everyone had worked in labs at some point during their undergrad career, and I never did. I was off in France doing diving and drinking, whatever. I had never worked in a lab. And I got to graduate school, I had no idea what I was doing.

And uh, and I kept looking around thinking, “Somebody’s gonna find this out, and they’re gonna ask me to leave,” and I was j- just a nervous wreck. And um, and then, and then I wasn’t drinking, so all this would build up all during the week, and then on Friday night I’d go out and just explode, and it was just a mess. And I didn’t have any friends. I was, I was just making friends, and I was just a complete emotional wreck on these weekends.

And um, and it just, uh, it just got kinda worse and worse. And the, my thinking was that I needed to drink a little bit during the week to kinda even things out, keep it an even keel, and then when I went out on the weekends and got drunk, I wouldn’t explode. Like, I would kinda keep it together and be a little bit more social. And that just kinda led, one thing led to the other, and, and the effect for me was that it, I just got more and more isolated, and I got…

And, and that’s– It, it was a funny thing. I mean, drinking always for me in the past was a, a really social thing, and it, it was a way that I went out and, and let loose and, and really kind of felt like I let my guard down and really had fun. And by the end, I was, I, I would go to bars.

I, we used to take off from work early, from the lab early and go down to Westwood in the afternoons. And when we would walk into the bar, this, there was this bar Stratton’s. We’d walk in, and the bartender would see us coming and put the pitcher of beer down like he knew what we ordered, and I was just mortified. And people would talk about how they liked the bartender to know them.

I hated that the bartender knew me because I never knew what I had done, and I knew it was, it wasn’t good ’cause I would go there and black out. And, and, and he had this smirk on his face, and I always thought, “Oh, God, what did I do the last time I was here?” But I kept going to the same bar every time. Um, but uh, so I finally, um, what happened for me, I, I became more and more isolated, and there was a guy that I worked with, um, who was, who was kind of a goofy, goofy guy who sort of had this weird schedule.

And, and we always got along really well, but he just was sort of off doing his own thing. And, um- And, and then something happened, and he starts showing up regularly, and, and he had this, like, big smile on his face, and these, like, sparkling, sparkling eyes. And I would come in, and I’d see him, and it, it was just, like, instant attraction.

I just was– And I had never gone out with somebody who, who didn’t drink, ever in my life. And, uh, I mean, that was almost a given that, that whoever I was out with had to drink more than me because it would make me look bad if I ever was with a guy who didn’t drink as much as I did or didn’t drink more than I did. Um, and I– and this guy told me that he didn’t drink, and he said that he was, he was an alcoholic, or he was in AA or something.

And I just kind of brushed that aside. I just kind of brushed that under the rug, and I thought, he’s way too young. He thinks he’s an alcoholic, but he’s not. He’s too young.

And I, I think he just doesn’t know how to drink socially, and I thought that I, I could teach him a thing or two about that. So, um, so we started going out. And the night of our first date, he went out. We just got hammered.

So he left AA when we started dating. So I kept that track record. And, uh, but wait, wait, it gets better. He came back.

Um, so, so we went out for about six months, and it was terrible. It was this horrendous relationship. And, uh, and he finally left. And he, he would say– And finally I took a step back, and I said, “Okay, you know, I think, I think you do have a problem, and you need to quit drinking.” And, and he said, uh, and he said, “Well, what about

your drinking?” And that would just send me through the roof. And I, I thought he was trying to pawn off his problem on me, and I thought, you know, don’t look at me about this problem. So he left. He said, you know, I, I, “I’m out of here.

I’m gonna go back to AA, and I can’t– there’s no way I can be around you.” And I was crushed. I was absolutely– I had never been so crushed. And I think looking back on it, it was– I felt like I had found my soulmate. I felt like he was the only person who had ever understood me.

And I think looking back on it now, he’s the only alcoholic I had ever known. I mean, he’s the only person who, um, who– I never knew anyone who was, uh, in AA. And, and he talked to me about AA. And, and I didn’t really know it at the time, but, but that was one– I really think that this program is one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic.

And one thing led to another, and I, and I kind of followed– snuck around following him into AA without– I didn’t want him to know. But, um, anyway, I’m, uh, I hope if you’re new and you think that drinking might be a part of your problem, please stay and, uh, give it a chance. It’s, uh, it’s a really great program. Thank you for letting me share.

Our second ten-minute speaker is Jimmy B. Hello, I am Jimmy, and I’m an alcoholic.

Hi, Jimmy. I am very nervous. Aw. I know.

I can hear your Ss at me going sss. I would like to thank Claire for asking me to be a ten-minute speaker. I feel very honored and privileged. Okay, my experience.

Um, I was born deaf. I grew up in a non-functional alcoholic family. My parents and my sisters are all hearing. They don’t know any sign language.

Um, often I would see my parents drinking alcohol. Um, many reasons the family would get together and drink when I was growing up. I always noticed, why– what are they doing?

Why are they acting kinda crazy? And I saw my father drunk once, and it really bothered me. I was very uncomfortable with it, and I was like, what is up? So I went to California School for the Deaf in Riverside.

When I was a student there, um, the students would all go out together to the beach and have a party and have a good time. And my first drink was Jim Beam. I had no experience with drinking at all.

I just put it in a glass, and I drank it. And I drank all of it. I drank half of it. I was like, this went– was gone.

I was waiting for something to happen, and it took a long time, so I drank more. And I just right away had a huge blackout. And I was– I guess I was wild and crazy at the party. My friends were like, “Oh my God, you were great.

Oh, you– we had so much fun last night.” Okay, the next morning they told me that. I had the worst headache. It was awful, and I had a stomachache. I, it, I felt like it almost killed me ’cause I just drank that huge glass of Jim Beam.

I am never gonna do that again. Okay, and then I graduated from high school, and then I went to Gallaudet College in Washington, DC. Gallaudet College has lot of bars, um, for residents. Um, I drank a lot of wine and beer there.

Oh, you saw me there? Um, I became just addicted to just going to bars and bar drinking, and it got rid of my nervousness and my insecurity, um, my insecure feelings. So I became very comfortable with all the students there having fun and drinking and partying.

My good friend from Oregon asked me to go visit him in Oregon during the summer. I thought, “Okay.” So I went to Oregon, and oh, I fell in love with Oregon, the forest. I just loved the country, and I decided to leave Gallaudet and move to Oregon just for a year.

But I didn’t know about getting a job or anything, and I was involved in theater- Mm-hmm. -mm-hmm, uh, and drama with, with a hearing group. But I just kept drinking and drinking and smoking weed, and I was- You know, I was like a hippie. I had long hair.

This was in ’71. I had long hair. I was like a hippie and flower child, you know. I loved, I loved to go to the bars and drink and dance and just all night, um, every weekend.

And then, um, you know, all during the week I would look forward to the weekend. And I just, uh, got hangovers and drunk over and over. And I thought, “Nothing’s really wrong with me,” but sometimes I noticed I would really insult people and hurt them while I was drunk. Be very sarcastic, and I would, um, fantasize.

I would mimic them and fantasize them as, and I would just hurt people. Mm-hmm. Oh, what time is it? Okay.

Okay. Okay. Um, for, I, I stayed in Oregon actually seven years. But my friends and I, we, we went bowling.

We were on a bowling, like a league. And I became… Something, something my eyesight or something was wrong with my mind or my equi-equilibrium. I noticed it when I went bowling.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me, and I was afraid to drive. Um, so anyway, I end up leaving Oregon, and I went to, back to Gallaudet again. I drank so much all the time. I was going to the bars daily, and I decided to stop drinking for one year.

Okay. On my own. On my own I would stop drinking. And my friends from Gallaudet would suggest I would go to AA meetings in DC, and I was like, no idea what AA was like.

So I went in, and I saw a lot of people smoke, it’s so smoky, smoking a lot of cigarettes. I said, “This is not for me. Bye.” And so my English teacher from Gallaudet was alcoholic and was telling me about his experience with AA, and this is a very professional teacher.

I thought, “This teacher’s an alcoholic?” And I appreciated the honesty from this teacher, but I still kept saying, “No, it’s not for me. I’m not gonna go back to AA meetings again.” But I still could not stop drinking and, and getting high, just sex, just a lot of promiscuity all night, every night. Um, I couldn’t do, uh, good at the university, so I moved to California, and I’m here with my family.

They’re here too, and nothing to do. And I decided to go back to the bars and party, and, um, it was the same old thing. My friend, who’s deaf himself, said, “Have you, um, been to a, a AA meeting in Woodland Hills?” And he wanted me to go.

I was willing to go because I could see my drinking problem and smoking weed and the, the addictive sexual behavior was getting worse. And I, um, I decided to go. There was one hearing woman there who asked, um, she goes to different AA meetings in the area, and she was really motivated. Um, every night she would go to meetings, and I really identified with her problems and with her in particular, um, because she was an alcoholic.

And she really worked the 12-step program and the Big Book she rate every, read every day. I t- I read the Big Book over and over, a little difficult to understand at first, but I noticed as I kept reading it, my mind just got clearer little by little. And one more, um, when I was getting drunk, I was atheist.

I didn’t believe in God. I didn’t want nothing to do with God. For one thing, I was deaf, and I, I was, I was gay. And my parents, knowing no sign language, no relationship there.

Where is God? He left me. Something maybe wrong. God made a wrong gene, and I didn’t want nothing to do with God.

I just try to work on things myself. But AA talks about God a lot, and it, it sort of threw me. So I just waited, and little by little I started b- to believe in a higher power, but I still had reservations. But one friend from a Pacific Group meeting asked me to come to the Pacific Group meeting.

I said, “Okay.” I was shocked at all the people, and they was dressed like, you know, Hollywood stars and looked nice. And I was like, “Wow.” I shook a lot of hands, but in, deep inside in my heart I was very scared, but I just kept shaking hands with everybody. And, um- It happened. Um, there are several good sponsors from the Pacific Group meeting who, here who have helped me with my program, and I could see the Pacific Group is very, um,

healthy structure, and I really need the program and the Pacific Group. So I went to, oh, Wood- Woodland Hills, a college in Woodland Hills to get my deg- uh, degree in computers and- Um, it seemed like a higher power started working for me and helping me to get sober and to get my certificate. Um, now I do payroll for several movie stars.

I do their salary, and um, I’m very– I, I like my job. I’ve been there for years. And, uh, I still have a lot of doubt of my own self and fears, um, in my inside. Uh, um, going out on the freeway, driving, sometimes…

Well, this was back then. I had all those fears, but little by little, um, it seemed like it, it, um, they left, and I, I end up getting straight As in college, and I got this great job, and I really feel like, yes, uh, God does love me, and I’m learning to love myself. But be– I couldn’t do it on my own, but because of you, um, it’s helped me so much with many things.

Okay. Very grateful to be sober and, uh, for twelve and a half years. And please, if you’re new, please listen, and I love you all. We

celebrate AA birthdays at this meeting. For every three hundred and sixty-five days of continuous sobriety, we give a cake with the appropriate number of candles on it. We define sobriety as freedom from alcohol, pills, pot, or anything which affects you from the neck up. If you are a regular attender of this meeting and would like to take a cake with us, please see me at the door before the meeting.

We have several birthdays tonight, so let’s sing briskly and speak briefly. And birthday people, don’t forget to pick up your candles as you leave the podium. And our first birthday tonight is for one year for Manny D. My name is Manuel, and I’m an alcoholic.

Hi, Manny. See, I’d like to thank God. I’d like to thank my sponsor, Bill S. I’d like to thank Jim Jackson for his foundation.

I’d like to thank my grand sponsor, John, for giving me the cake. I’d like to thank The Midnight Mission. I’d like to thank Clancy. I’d like to thank Clancy and Charlotte for the yard and all of you.

Thank you. Happy birthday, Manuel. Next, we have a three-year birthday for Ashley F. Hap- My name’s Ashley, I’m an alcoholic.

Hi, Ashley. I’d like to thank God, Richard, Clancy, and all of you. Happy birthday, Ashley. And we have another three-year birthday for Ellen S.

Ha- I’m Ellen, I’m an alcoholic. Hi, Ellen. I’d like to thank God, Linda, Ray, the Class of ’96, my husband Craig, and all of you. Happy birthday, Ellen.

And now for seven years, we have a birthday for Allison B. Ha- Good evening, my name is Allison, I am an alcoholic. Hi, Allison. I wanna thank God, my sponsor Karen G.

for taking on my case recently. I wanna thank Wayne Butler for absolutely saving my life. I wanna thank the women I still consider my eight sisters. I love them dearly.

And I wanna thank Clancy, all of you, and Trey for being a great addition to my life. Happy birthday, Allison. And now we have an eight-year birthday for Diana D. Hap- Hi, I’m Diana, alcoholic.

Hi, Diana. I wanna thank my sponsor, Millie. Uh, thank you, Clancy. Thank you, all of AA, Class of ’91.

Thank you. Happy birthday, Diana. And another eight-year birthday for Maria G. Ha- Hi, my name is Maria, and I’m an alcoholic.

Hi, Maria. I’d like to thank Rennie for another year of sponsorship and just for, um, all her love and support. Um, I’d like to thank Victoria for setting a great foundation. I’d like to thank the Stepsisters Softball Team- -for all the wonderful memories for the past eight years.

Um, I’d like to thank my girlfriends Terry and Patricia for their constant friendship. And, um, I’d like to thank Sandy for the wonderful life we have together. Thank you. Happy birthday, Maria.

We now have an eleven-year birthday for Mike H. Ha- Hi. My name is Mike Henren. I’m an alcoholic.

Hi. I wanna thank, uh, John Stockdale for presenting m-me with that cake and for, uh, all that he, uh, is in my life as an impeccable example of what a recovering alcoholic can be. I wanna thank, uh, Claire for including me on the cake list.

I wanna thank God for my recovery, and I wanna thank, uh, and salute, uh, Clancy, the Class of ’88, the Pacific Group, and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you. Don’t forget your candles. Happy birthday, Mike.

We have anano– another eleven-year birthday for Marilyn P. Ha- Hi, my name is Marilyn Thoms, and I am an alcoholic. Hi, Marilyn. Uh, first I’d like to thank my God, and I’d like to ta-thank my children, John and Sherilyn.

John, who just gave me the cake. Uh, my sponsor and all the people who’ve helped me get here and stay here, and all of you. Thank you. Happy birthday, Marilyn.

We now have a twelve-year birthday for Carla M. Ha- My name’s Carla, and I’m an alcoholic. Hi, Carla. I’d like to thank Claire for allowing me to take a cake tonight.

Thank my God. Thank Rita for this last year of sponsorship. Thank you so much. I’d like to thank my AA sisters, um, Class of ’87, Vince and Pat Y for finance class, everybody in the class, John in particular, for all your help.

And, um, Clancy for your example, and Clancy and Charlotte for the yard. Thank you for my life. Happy birthday, Carla. We have another twelve-year birthday for Mara B.

Hi, everybody. My name is Mara, and I am an alcoholic. Hi, Mara. I wanna thank God for the gift of sobriety, and thank you so much, Susie, for helping me keep that gift and allowing me to share my life with you.

I wanna thank Jen for a great foundation and her continued friendship. I’d like to thank all my AA sisters, especially Rennie for all her help this year. And thank you, Clancy. And last but certainly not least, I wanna thank Allie and Lydia for introducing me to the man, well, to the man who makes my good life so much better.

Thank you. Happy birthday, Mara. We now have a 13-year birthday for Bob A. Ha- Bob A., angry alcoholic.

Hi, Bob. And like our main speaker, I love to be sober, too, and for that, I’d like to thank God, uh, Tom for sponsoring me for the last 12 and a half years, and, uh, for the example of being a sober husband and a sober father. For Paul Corman for my first six months of what I can remember.

Uh, for Lily and Louise, if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here tonight. Um, for Clancy. For my wife and my children, I love them very much. Uh, a couple of buddies, uh, James M.

and James S., uh, Franklin. Uh, I was in a meeting on Sunday, and we had a speaker, John K., and John said, “Alcoholics Anonymous is like a lifeboat,” and, uh, I’m so happy that thirteen years and three days ago, I begrudgingly got in that lifeboat, and if you’re new, I hope you get in the lifeboat. Thank you.

Happy birthday, Bob. And now we have a 14-year birthday for Kenna M. Ha- Hi, Kenna, alcoholic. Hi, Kenna.

I’d like to thank God and my sponsor, Marion, for her patience and her wisdom. Um, for their influence on my life, I wanna thank… Karen Garrison and Vince Yo and Mary Ann King. Uh, for their long-distance support this year, I wanna thank Clancy and Vince and Pat Yo, Leslie E., Lisa Johnson, Amy McKinnon,

and a special thanks this year to all the Pacific Group speakers who gave up their weekends and carried the message to me at the, um, Second Tradition Group in San Jose. Thank you. Happy birthday, Kenna. And now we have a twenty-four-year birthday for Shirali J.

Hi, I’m Shirali. I’m an alcoholic. Hi, Shirali. My sponsor was issuing orders, uh, “Blow, do this, stand there,” whatever.

Uh, I’m grateful to, uh, God, to Alcoholics Anonymous, to the Pacific Group. I especially want to acknowledge a group of people in the group that have become very, very important to me, and that’s the men and the women, uh, in the class of ’75. They’re getting older. They’re not as enthusiastic.

Um, I want to, uh, thank, uh, my friends from Palm Desert who came here tonight, and most of all, I wanna thank my wonderful, wonderful sponsor. I– for his continued support, his direction. Uh, I really value him.

He gave me a beautiful gift of being able to carry the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in the desert, and, uh, that’s not always been easy. I love you a lot. Thank you. Happy birthday, Shirali.

And now we have a birthday for forty-seven years of sobriety for Martin C. Ha- Thank God for sobriety and the Pacific Group. Thanks, Martin.

Got real enthusiasm. As– my name is Martin. I’m an alcoholic. Wanna thank Clancy for his sponsorship and friendship for a lo-lot of years.

And for my many friends in the room, I’m not gonna name names because I’d sure forget somebody, but I’d have to include the whole group because everybody is– I’ve never stuck my hand out here yet that somebody didn’t shake it back. What you’re looking at is a forty-seven-year miracle, and it’s, uh… I love sobriety.

I love my sobriety, and I love your sobriety. And for the new people here tonight, I didn’t, I did not think– this was not in my plans. No way I could stay sober, but I was gonna give it the best shot I had, so with your help and God’s help, I can make it one day at a time, and so can you.

Now thank you. Happy birthday, Martin. And that’s all the birthdays. Aw.

Well, we do have one out-of-town birthday for eight years for Katherine D.