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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 839 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: mickey-b-i-can-t-he-can-the-first-three-steps-workshop-ca-date-unknown-archive-839.mp3 Duration: 01:14:28
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Well, I've heard this gentleman speak on a couple of occasions, and I'm just going to tell you I'm sure glad he's on God's side. So, Mickey B., um, I'd like to introduce Mickey B. Hi everybody, my name's Mickey B. and I'm an addict. I'm probably an alcoholic too. I identify that way in Cocaine Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, because that's what we like to do. We like to identify one addict to another addict, that's what we like to do.
Because I'm a real addict, don't deny me the privilege of being messed up in as many dysfunctional ways as I want. I'm a real addict and so consequently I have many other dysfunctions and I do lots of stuff, and consequently I get asked to speak in Alcoholics Anonymous too. And when I identify in Alcoholics Anonymous, I identify as an alcoholic and probably an addict, because that's the way they like it done too, and I don't have a problem with that today.
See, uh, the truth of the matter is, is that some of you know me and know who I am and know about me, and, uh, you know that if there's a 12-step program of any kind, I'm a contender for it, for Christ's sake. You know, it don't matter what it is. If there's 12 steps attached to it, I'm a contender for it. A-A-N-A-C-A-A-C-A, over-readers, little peters, it don't matter what it is, for Christ's sake.
You know, if there's a 12 steps attached to it, I'm a contender for it, you know. Actually, I did go to one of those little peter meetings, uh, but they wouldn't let me in, said I didn't qualify. They let Craig in, they let Craig Shell in, but they never let me in. Well, you black folk think you got a monopoly on that one? See, this is a workshop, and so consequently, um, you know, it's a slightly different…
What I want to do different to the other workshops is that, if you have a question, get your goddamn hand in the air and ask me, and I will stop and answer your question. I will give you an answer. Even if I ain't got one, I'll pretend that I do. I'll double-talk you into thinking I do, you know. But, yeah, I'm going to talk about a lot of stuff you may or may not have heard or understand, so if you've got a question, raise your voice and raise your hand and let me know.
The other thing is, is that I talk very, very extensively about these two books, Alcoholics Anonymous, big book, and The Twelve and Twelve. Now, what I want you to understand is that don't be put off by what dialogue I may use. I'm going to say alcohol, I'm going to say alcoholism, I'm going to talk about sober, I'm going to talk about alcoholic, I'm going to talk about using drink and other things.
But please, be inclusive, not exclusive. Don't exclude yourself because of some dialogue I may use. If I say alcohol or alcoholism, translate that to whatever works for you, okay? See, and I say that specifically because it's absolutely imperative that you understand that what I'm talking about is all mind-altering chemicals, no matter what they are. See, and the disease, I'm an enemy of the disease, and one of the disease's main functions is to get you to be separate and different, and so consequently it wants to, you know, make you different.
So, you know, some people, you know, they don't waste my time halfway through the meeting saying, well, I don't relate because I never drank that much. I'm a dope fiend. Or I'm a crack monster. Or I'm a tweeter. Pothead. Billhead. Who cares? No, I don't care. I'm going to say alcohol and alcoholism, probably, so please translate, be inclusive, not exclusive. Does everybody understand that? Okay, good.
So we've cleared some groundwork there. A little lead-up into what I'm doing here. One thing is, is that we have, across the board, in 12-Step Recovery, we have a 95% failure rate. 95% of the folk in your position are never going to make my position. So consequently, I don't listen or do what 95% of the folk around here do.
[00:05:05]
A lot of what I hear around here, I call it lip-flapping party-line bullshit. And you'll hear me make a few references to that too. You'll probably refer to it yourself. See? And so consequently, when I try to do something with people that I work with, chronic relapses and people that slip and slide, you know, who are a different animal. You see, are there any newly sober people in the room today? Let's see if there's any newly sober people.
Good, there's a smattering around here. Are there any, like, newcomers? Are there any newcomers that this is their first time attempting to get clean and sober? See? No hands. Oh, we do have one? Thank you. Good, good. You're very welcome. Please come back. Maybe this whole workshop is for you. See, people who slip and relapse will be referred to as newcomers, but they're not newcomers. They're relapsers, a different animal that's in this book.
You will be talked to and referred to in meetings as newcomers and even think about yourself as newcomers, but you're not. You're like people that have gone in and out and in and out and in and out, and it's not the same animal as the newcomer. And to break that down a little bit, see, look, if me and you get busted for shoplifting, and it's your first offence, but I got a string of previous and priors, we are not going to be sentenced the same.
And neither is the newcomer the same as the guy who goes in and out and in and out. And I'll tell you why that happens. Number one is that for those folk that are going in and out and in and out and relapsing, number one, it isn't what you will be told in meetings. It is not, it's okay, keep coming back, it's okay, it gets better. Do not believe that lie. That is a lie. It is not okay for an alcoholic addict to drink and drug, and it don't never get better, it only ever gets worse.
And you know why I know that? Because in 17 years of working with many thousands of people who drink and drug and relapse, I speak to as many as I can, and not once in 17 years when I've asked somebody, Oh, how was it out there? You know what they say? What do you mean? I say, how was it out there? Was it okay? Was it okay? Wow, it kicked my ass, man. I used to be able to party for weeks on end, this time I couldn't even get through the weekend.
For heaven's sake, I don't even know whether I can make it back. I have never once in 17 years had anybody say to me, Oh, it's great out there. Oh, drinking and drugging, sucking on the devil's dick, jacking up, swilling that. Oh man, it was great. In fact, it's so good I've come back for you. You know? Not once have I ever heard that. See? So it ain't okay and it don't get better. It gets worse because we have a progressive disease that doesn't stop progressing because I stop drinking and drugging.
My disease is 17 years worse, not better. So don't believe that lie. See, now… Oh, you have a little slit? See? Now, when I did some research on what it is about us that people go in and out and in and out, I started doing what Bill Wilson did, which was concentrate on the people that were gotten here but don't stay here. And I'm telling you, the next biggest group of people who drink and drug in alcoholic, narcotic, cocaine, anonymous is between 7 and 10 years.
The biggest group of people is the first year, which is generally referred to as the newcomer period, the first year. But the next biggest group of people who drink and drug in alcoholic, narcotic, and cocaine, anonymous is between 7 and 10 years. And they start drinking and drugging at 7 years based on what they weren't doing at 5 years. And what they're not doing at 5 years is what they never learnt at 2, 3, and 4 years.
Usually what they did learn was lip-flapping, party-line bullshit. So I tried to dispel some of that. I spoke at length today to some folk that though they're dedicated to recovery
[00:10:01]
and been sober 3 years and absolutely love this program and sponsor people, A, never knew what it was about him that made him alcoholic and 2, had no idea what powerless was. 3, he did not understand what hitting bottom was though he thought he did. Convinced that he did. Now I'm telling you, it's one thing if you haven't done it. But if you haven't done it but believe you have, that is very dangerous.
Now there's got to be reasons that 95% of us are not making it. And I'll tell you another reason what it is. One of the reasons that 95% of us are not making it is because we don't understand that we cannot stay clean and sober just because we want to. See, we drank and drugged subconsciously. We just did it. That's what we did. That's what we're used to doing. I do it. I drink and drug. But I can't stay sober just because I want to.
I've got to have a conscious decision to do it and then do it consciously. I can't just rely on the fact that I have a desire not to do it. The only requirement for membership is the desire to quit. But I can't rely on that desire. Why? Because I have a disease that is more powerful than my desire not to do it. I don't want to do it. But I've got a disease that does. And that disease that does is more powerful than my desire not to.
So I've got to not want to do it and then do these steps and this work so that I don't do what I already don't want to do. And if I don't know what these steps and this work is or I'm not doing these steps and this work I will do what I don't want to do because the disease I've got that I'm powerless over will make me do what I don't want to do. That's why I'm going to talk about the first three steps predominantly in this workshop which is I can't, he can, so let him.
Not I think I'll let him, I know it says that it says I can't, he can, so I am going to let him. But I'm going to break some of this stuff down. We've got roughly an hour and a half here so if you've got questions raise your hand because I'm going to go boom! I'm going to like keep motoring here and try and break down some of what I call the lip-flapping party line bullshit. I heard it in a meeting this week.
I kid you not. Hey, you in the blue shirt you got any other reasons to get up and down or what? That's three times this time, what? Yeah. I did chicken shit recovery, keep getting up and down if you're in the speaker. Don't know where you come from. Perhaps you do that around there, yeah. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, this geezer, this bloke in a meeting he stood up in a meeting, a newcomer meeting with 70 people in the room and he said, we're all the same distance from the next drink we're all just one drink away from a drunk.
I said, do what? Where the hell do you get that shit from? That's my experience strength and hope he said I'm 23 years sober. I said, shove it up your ass. 23 years sober. You're a bloody double agent, you are. You're a goddamn spy in the camp, you are. Walking around here with 23 years sober saying shit like that. We're all the same distance from the next drink. Where the hell do you get that shit from?
My experience, screw you. Are you trying to tell me that this guy over here that's diligently working his program that does love and service to himself and his group that works with a sponsor, that sponsors other people that reads his book, that does his steps that puts a dollar in the basket that does the best he can on a daily basis is the same distance from the next drink as this dick over here who ain't doing shit?
You know, you know what he went and went Just shove it up your ass. There ain't how to win friends and influence people, but we're saving lives around here, not trying to influence and be popular. See, and you'll hear a lot of shit like that.
[00:15:02]
God won't give you more than you can handle. Do what? God won't give me more than I can handle. If he didn't give me more than I could handle, I wouldn't need his bloody help with it, would I? I don't know where that shit comes from. I don't know where all this shit comes from. I heard a guy say, I choose not to use today. I said, do what? Choose not to use will piss on you. If I could rely on choosing not to use, I wouldn't need to come here.
I can choose not to use today, but I can't bloody rely on it. It's easy to choose not to use. I did it three times in one day once. Can't rely on it. Just say no. There's a doozy. How about that one? Just say no. Just say no. Do what? If I could just say no to alcohol and drugs, I wouldn't need to come here. Just say no to a full-blown dope fiend like me. I don't know where that shit comes from. It's like telling that homeless dude on the corner, hey homeless dude, just get a house. Get a goddamn house homeless dude. You prick, if I could get a house I wouldn't be homeless.
Yeah, and if I could just say no, I wouldn't be a dope fiend either. I don't know where that shit comes from. People say shit like that. Ain't got nothing to do with nothing. Powerless over everything. Powerless over people, places and things. Do what? Nothing to do with nothing being powerless over people, places and things. People say that shit, but it has nothing to do with nothing. Certainly got nothing to do with alcoholism addiction. Being powerless over people, places and things has nothing to do with nothing. Everybody is and isn't powerless over people, places and things. Nothing to do with nothing. You think that bloody Russian dude ain't powerless over purple blobs? You know the one with the purple blob on his head?
You think Granny Clampett ain't powerless over Jethro? You think the bloody Pope ain't powerless over wearing them hats? Yeah, nothing to do with nothing. Everybody is and isn't powerless over people, places and things. Ain't got nothing to do with alcoholism addiction. Powerless over alcohol and drugs is what we are. And you know what? Most people have no idea what that means. It's the first thing about the first step and yet most people don't know what it is.
I'm going to dwell a little bit as well on what page 30 of the beautiful book says. In one of the paragraphs in the middle of the page, it says we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholics. This is the first step of recovery. It's the first step in recovery, but it is not the first of the twelve. People think it is. People think they've done a first step. You will be told that you've done a first step as soon as you walk in a room and raise your hand as an alcoholic. Don't believe that shit. That is not true. Nowhere in the first step does it say we admitted we were alcoholics.
Look, we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. We learned. We learned. Not like I hear from the folks in my houses and you guys. Most people don't say we learned or I want to learn, they say I know. I know. I know. I know. Yeah, but. I know. Yeah, but. Yeah, but. I know. The mating call of arseholes. Yeah, but. You know. It says we learned. Now, what is it about me that makes me an alcoholic addict? I've got to know this. If I've got to learn to fully concede to my innermost self that I am, I've got to know what it is about me that makes me an alcoholic addict.
It's not enough to just walk around saying that I am. Because I hear you guys, and I spoke to a guy today. He could tell me that he was alcoholic, but he didn't know what it was about him that made him alcoholic. In fact, he told me, he endorsed the fact that he was alcoholic by telling me what he does because he's alcoholic. He described a two-fold disease. He told me that once too many and a thousand ain't enough. Once he starts drinking, he can't control his drinking.
But that's not what makes me alcoholic. That's what I do because I'm alcoholic, but that's not what makes me alcoholic. If I don't know what it is about me that makes me alcoholic, how can I fully concede to my innermost self that I am?
[00:20:03]
Also, we hear a lot around here about admittance, acceptance and surrender. It's talked about, people say it, it's important, but it's not the deal. People talk about it as if it's the deal, but it's not the deal. Admittance, acceptance and surrender is not the deal. People think it's the deal, they say it's the deal, but it's not the deal. We learn to fully concede to our innermost self that we are is the deal and then admit, accept and surrender to that. But if you're trying to admit, accept and surrender without having fully conceded to your innermost self that you are, you are screwed and it won't work. So how am I going to do this? What am I going to do? I thought it was all about this. I've been even talking about this. See? So I want to know.
On page 20 of the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says, if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking, what do I have to do? Well if you are somebody genuine, like me, who does this thing and lives this way of life, I'll tell you what you've got to do, and that is the steps, starting with step one. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, we're already admitting and deciding that we're alcoholics. I'm alcoholic and I want to get over it, what do I have to do?
So admitting I'm alcoholic is not step one. It may bring me to the point of becoming capable of doing step one, but in and of itself it's not step one. See, if I am an alcoholic, wow, in my house, in one of my recovery houses, I've got two parakeets, a green one and a blue one. Bill and Bob is their name. And I've trained them to speak. And they speak. You stand next to the cage and they'll speak. They talk, they spew out stuff, with a limey accent by the way. They say, I'm an alcoholic, I'm an alcoholic. These bloody parakeets screech it, screech it. They're alcoholic and alcoholic.
They're bloody parakeets, is what they are. But they can say they're alcoholic, but they have no idea what it is. Do you? If you don't, see, maybe you'll relapse at seven years, based on what you're not doing at five years, because of what you never learned at two, three and four years. See, what it is about me that makes me alcoholic is that I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol. What that abnormal reaction to alcohol is, is that it changes my perception of reality. Alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality.
Wow. I thought I knew that. What does that mean? Alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality. I call it a nerd remover. It removes the nerdness. I feel like a nerd, I drink, I don't feel like a nerd. I feel like a nerd, I drink, I don't care if I'm a nerd. I feel like a nerd, I drink, and you're a goddamn nerd. Screw you. It takes away the nerdness. It makes it okay. I drink and drug. I heard somebody say the other day that they were born an alcoholic. I went, wow, I wish I could have been born an alcoholic. Would have saved me a lot of work. It took a lot of work to become alcoholic.
God, lucky bugger. But you can't be born an alcoholic because it's a two-fold disease. It's an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. Some babies are born with the allergy of the body through their mother and other things, and some people are born susceptible to becoming alcoholic. But they don't become alcoholic until they take the drink, it has the effects, and you do it again. And then not only that, but people who think that they were born alcoholic, you know what? They got a ready-made out. Because if I was born an alcoholic, it ain't my fault. They did it to me. I'm a victim. And you can get no recovery while you're a victim until we take responsibility.
Now, I'm a son of an alcoholic, so I was born susceptible to becoming alcoholic, even more so than the average bear. But you don't become an alcoholic until you take the drink, pill or fix, it has the effects, and you do it again. Because it's a two-fold disease. It has to be two-fold. It can't be solo. Now, you're going to hear people say it's a three- and four-fold disease, but it ain't. It's a two-fold disease. We have a spiritual malady as a result of the disease, not as a part of the disease. The spirituality is the solution, not the problem. But you'll hear. See, along this path of life, the disease I got has gotten me to abandon God and spirituality so that I ended up with none, so that the disease became the power in my life.
[00:25:10]
Now, when I say I admit that I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs, I am in fact admitting that there's a power greater than me. Alcohol and drugs. Because along the path of life, I've abandoned God and spirituality, and so the power has become the drugs. See, and what the disease does, it wants me to stop coming here and doing these steps. So it tells me tricks. It deludes my mind into believing a lie, and it tells me, you're not really an alcoholic addict. Look, it's a spiritual program. Go to church, read the Bible, pray to God. Go to church, read the Bible, pray to God. It's a spiritual—you don't have to go to them meetings. You don't have to do that fellowship step stuff.
Look, it's a spiritual program. Pray to God, read the Bible, go to church. Don't fall into that trap. There ain't nothing wrong with praying to God, reading the Bible, and going to church, as long as you don't want to treat your alcoholism addiction with it. There's nothing wrong with praying to God, reading the Bible, and going to church, but it don't treat our disease. See, but the disease wants you to stop coming here and pray to God, read the Bible, go to church, because what it's done to you once, it can do to you again.
And most of us were born into a religion. I was born a Catholic. I don't know what you were born. It doesn't matter to me either. It doesn't matter to me what your denomination was. But I abandoned God and spirituality along this path because of this disease. This disease made me do that. Now it wants me to stop coming here and go back to what it got me to abandon before, so that it can do it again.
So don't stop coming here. By all means, pray to God, read the Bible, go to church, but don't stop coming here. Do it as well as, not instead of. Because alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality, but A-A-N-A-C-A changes my perception to reality. That's what we got here. That's why treatment centers and things like that don't work for us, because treatment centers treat people. We treat the disease and the illness, and that's what we got to do. God, I have trouble with this cold water, you know. I keep wanting to bless it and turn it into wine like the other dude did, you know.
Can I get some more of that water, Tim? Yeah. So, here I am. I want to stay clean and sober. I don't know what I'm doing really, and what do I do? I'm an alcoholic addict. Alcohol and drugs changes my perception of reality. I got a two-fold disease. It has to be a two-fold disease. It can't be solo. People that have just got an obsession to do it ain't alcoholics and addicts, and people that have an allergy of the body ain't alcoholics and addicts.
You've got to have an obsession of the mind coupled with an allergy of the body. It has to be two-fold, and if it ain't, you ain't. See? I got a friend of mine who's allergic to abalone. When he eats abalone, he breaks out. He knows about it. Once in a great while, every now and then, he takes a taste of abalone and stunning garlic, or it's catch of the day, or it's, you know, hors d'oeuvre or something, and he takes a taste and he breaks out. He says, God, what a dick. I knew that was going to happen. But he don't have to go to Abalone Anonymous, because although he's got an allergy of the body when he eats abalone, it's not coupled with an obsession of the mind to eat buckets and buckets of bloody abalone.
See? Like we do. I have an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. I'm alcoholic. I know what it is about me to alcoholic, and now I didn't know that when I got here, but you guys taught me, because a guy got up in my face at the very first meeting I ever went to, and he said, you're an alcoholic. I said, what do you mean? He said, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck and smells like a duck, it's a goddamn duck. Just because it's been taking some shit and thinks he's an eagle, no, you're a duck. You're a duck, I'm a duck. Quack, quack. But he was actually giving me the message. He was telling me what it was about me that made me alcoholic, because alcohol and drugs did that to me.
It changed me from a duck to an eagle. When I felt like a little duck, I drank and used and went around swooping for prey, looking for anybody. Changed into an eagle. I'd go to a bar, check out some dudette, march on over, say, Hey, honey, I've got eyes for you, like, got a little story to tell you, so like, she said, Why don't you piss off? I'd wimp away. Go down the other end of the bar, have a couple of drinks.
Change of perception of reality.
[00:30:03]
Look her right in the eye and say, Don't come begging tomorrow, bitch. Change in perception of reality. Alcohol don't do that for my three sisters and brother. I'm alcoholic, they're not. I'm alcoholic. I need to know what that is. I need to have deep-rooted information about this, so that it has depth and weight. Fully concede to my innermost self that I am. I need to know what it is about me. In this beautiful book, The Twelve and Twelve, on the very first chapter, or the very first step, it says, oh, that's chapter two.
That's step two. Step one. Step one. Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Took me a long time to realize what that was saying. Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. And you know what? Because practically no one, of course, cares to, practically no one, of course, does, so there's practically no one, of course, who has, so there's practically no one, of course, to ask, how the hell do I?
But you know what? In those meetings you go to, in desperation you may ask somebody, what do I do? How do I do it? They're not going to turn round to you and say, no good asking me, pal, I'm in the practically no one, of course, department. And they're not going to say that. They're going to say, keep coming back, one day at a time, don't drink and use no matter what, because they don't know. And you're screwed.
And as they stay sober, you'll get loaded. It goes on to say in that verse, who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct screams out against the idea of personal powerlessness. Why would that happen? Why would every natural instinct scream out against the idea of personal powerlessness? Well, I need to know what that is. What are my natural instincts? The natural instincts of dudes and dudettes out there ain't the same as mine.
Their natural instincts is to live, to procreate, to survive, to shelter, to warm, to feed, to clothe, to every other thing. My natural instinct as an alcoholic addict is to drink and drug. So every natural instinct of the alcoholic addict is not to admit complete defeat because then I'm on the path of recovery. The disease don't want me to do that. It wants me drinking and drugging. So my natural instinct is going to scream out against the idea of personal powerlessness because otherwise I'm in recovery.
It don't want me to do that. It is truly awful to admit that glass in hand, we have walked our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of providence can remove it. Holy shit. I've walked my mind with such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of providence can remove it from me. Holy shit. What is that? I need to know what that is. What is that? What's an act of providence?
Well I didn't know so I asked and did some research to find out. An act of providence. Listen to this. An act of providence. God didn't create it and he could have prevented it but he don't. He allows it in order to bring good from it. Such as allowing an alcoholic addict to hit bottom so that he can bring good from it. Because in this beautiful book it says why all this insistence that every alcoholic addict must hit bottom first.
Holy shit. In order to hit bottom first I need to know the link between hitting bottom and powerlessness. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and drugs. Well guess what? I ask you folk. You folk don't know what powerless is. You think you do. You tell me what you do because you're powerless. You endorse the fact that you are powerless by saying all the alcoholic addictive behaviour that you entail.
But that's not what powerless is. Think about it. If I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs what does that mean? I need to know something. What is the source and the power over everything? Anybody? God! Good answer. If God is the source and the power over everything and I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs what does that mean? What? Good answer. If I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs
[00:35:02]
and God is the source and God is the power over everything and I'm powerless over alcohol it means I've got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs. Where alcohol and drugs are concerned I've got no God in my life. I'm powerless. Not that I've got to get a God. Not that I've got to get serene. Not that… I've got to understand and admit that I've got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs.
I can't have, can I? Because as an alcoholic addict child of God for me to do alcohol and drugs is bad and there's no co-existence between bad and God. God and bad don't co-exist. God's all good. That's why the word God is in the word good and the word evil is in the word devil. See, God's all good. So for an alcoholic addict to drink and drug is bad. So there's no co-existence if God ain't there. So I've got to understand that being powerless means I've got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs.
Not the rest of my affairs. I've got God in the rest of my affairs. I know that. I know he must be there because I'm here. As alcohol and drugs I've got no God in my life. I'm powerless. God is the source and God is the power over everything and I'm powerless which means I've got no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs. I need to know that. I can't just flap my lips walking around here thinking that I know it because guess what?
At two, three and four years it won't have the depth and weight to hold me and sustain me at two o'clock in the morning when the demons are screaming and my arse is in a sling and that man's got rock cocaine that wants to sell me. You think it's going to suddenly spring into my head and you think I'm going to say oh, hold on a minute Mr. Dealer Man let me run home to Mickey B.'s house and read what I wrote about this.
It ain't going to happen. So I better have depth and weight attached to it. See, I'm powerless. I have no God in my life when it comes to alcohol and drugs. Now, if I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs and I understand that the importance of why hitting bottom first comes into play. Not kind of along the way but every alcoholic addict not just those real sick ones everyone. See, look I ask folk what does it mean to hit bottom?
You know what? They don't know. They think they do but they don't. They tell me some doozy shit, believe me. I ask them, well give it to me give me what your bottom was tell me what your bottom was. Almost without exception they tell me a bunch of outside circumstances in their life. They tell me a bunch of circumstances and conditions in their life. Not what hitting bottom's all about. See, hitting bottom's an inside job not an outside circumstance.
Hitting bottom isn't about having the kids taken away from you being broke, busted, disgusted and not to be trusted. Feet to the curb hustling the Broadway trying to earn a dollar. Being locked up in a penitentiary married to Bubba. No, that's not hitting bottom. People think that shit's the bottom but it ain't. That's the outside circumstances. Hitting bottom's an inside job not an outside circumstance.
All that stuff about she left me and I ended up in a desperate state that's not hitting bottom. I know we think it is. I had a guy today tell me that that feeling of loneliness and despair and emptiness was his bottom. But it wasn't. See, sometimes that outside stuff enables us to become capable of hitting bottom but in and of itself it's not the bottom. And if you think it is in recovery you will hit bottom after bottom after bottom after bottom.
And if it's not if you truly understand what it is you won't have to keep going there. Did they turn off the AC? Oh shit. What? Yeah. That's bottom, yeah. See look, hitting bottom's an inside job not an outside circumstance. Hitting bottom is not that outside stuff losing your money, being fired, being homeless, being broke, busted, disgusted, not to be trusted. That's all outside stuff. Hitting bottom's an inside job and that's why left flapping party line bullshitters say that everybody's bottom's different and it's not.
Everybody's bottom better be the same. Yours better be the same as mine and mine better be the same as yours and the black folk, the white folk, the tall folk, the young folk,
[00:40:00]
the old folk, the new folk, the female folk, the men folk, everybody's bottom if you're alcoholic, addict better be the same. Because you know what it is? Sometimes the outside circumstances enable us to become capable of hitting bottom and if you're anything like me you'll know what I'm talking about. See, those outside circumstances sometimes in desperation and despair enable me to do something to the effect of of asking for help.
Sometimes in desperation and despair I turn to the power or the source whatever it might be and I didn't know what it was but in some form or other I say, help me, help me, help, what is wrong with me? I can't stand it anymore. Does anybody relate to that? That's hitting bottom. Asking for help. ASK, Ask Saving Kit. Help, H-E-L-P, His Ever Loving Presence. That's hitting bottom. In desperation and despair we ask the source and the power into our life for help.
Because I'm powerless I don't have Him in my life and when I ask for help He comes in. That's why the connection of hitting bottom and knowing about powerless is so important. You see, God's always there but He don't come over there and beat you over the edge with His goodness. He waits for you to ask. And just like me on the day on 5th January 15th 1983 in desperation and despair when I asked for help it was like He was looking over my shoulder and He said Nick, you silly bastard I've been waiting for you to ask now get yourself over there that 12 step program.
Sent me to you. I asked for help and He sent me to you. I asked for help and He sent me to you. Holy shit. Holy shit. That's why I know that God and the power are different. God and the power are different. This power was provided by God to restore me to sanity in step 2 and I need to know what restoring me to sanity meant. Because the step says came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity.
What does that mean? You guys explained to me that insanity was repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result. Drinking and drugging. So to be restored to sanity meant not drinking and drugging. Well, guess what? Here was the power. Here it is, right here, right now. It's right here in this room. When I asked for help He sent me to you. God provided this power for alcoholics and addicts like me to be restored to sanity so that we didn't have to drink and drug.
So, I was powerless because I had no God in my life. I hit bottom and ass got into my life and He sent me to you. God and this power are different. I know you guys get all wacky about it. You guys get all wacky about higher power. But in the first two steps do you see God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad and how many of the other nouns we use to describe it? Do you see higher power mentioned? Because it ain't there, that's why.
See, God, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Muhammad higher power and all that is not mentioned in the first two steps. And yet folk like us get really wacky because we get all confused with some of this stuff. See, I asked for help and He sent me to you. In desperation and despair I asked Him into my life and He sent me to you. And here's where I've been coming ever since. And here's where the power is. Why is that?
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore me to sanity which meant not drinking and drugging. Every twelve step program, no matter what it is, works on the principle that two people of a like kind come together what they couldn't do alone. And we didn't like it, but we have it for our use. In the scriptures and other places it says, when any two are gathered in my name I will come in your midst.
Same as what we know with alcoholics and addicts, when any two are gathered together in my name for the purpose of recovery, which is the third factor, and without the third factor it don't count. Without the third factor, which is for the purpose of recovery, you can have your arse
[00:45:00]
in a meeting all you like and it won't mean diddly-squat. If you think hanging out with alcoholics and addicts is the sole purpose of this deal, you're nuts. If you think hanging out with alcoholics and addicts is all it takes, you can go down any skid row in any town in any country in the world and see drunks hanging out together. Drunks have always hung out together, ain't no big deal about that.
But I sometimes suggest that you get it by arse-mosis. Put your arse in a seat and let it come up through the entrance that's there in the seat. See? Do keep coming back, but that's not what works around here. See, hanging out with alcoholics and addicts isn't what it takes. Not without the third factor, because without the third factor it don't mean nothing. We've got to have the third factor. It's like this water here, look.
This water, the formula for water, life-sustaining, is H2O. Two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen, put them together, produce water. Life-sustaining. Same here for our recovery. Two drunks, one God, power. Power over alcohol, survival, that's what we've got here. That's why we've got it here. That's why me plus you is a power greater than me. You plus us is a power. That's why God's provided us with this power.
It's right here, right now. We can do it. We can do what I couldn't do. Every 12-step program works on that principle. So stick with us, us winners that know what we're talking about. Those folk out there, they don't know. My mum don't know. My mum loves me dearly. She does not understand this disease like you folk who have never seen me before. Every year I go back to London, England, where I'm from.
I'm a limey, lush and loady. You've probably picked up on that, right? This is the way I talk. Alcohol never done this to me, you know what I'm saying? Every year I walk into my mum's house, I say, Mum, I'm 17 years sober. She says, So is the cat. She don't give me a pat on the back for not doing something I shouldn't have done anyway. She don't understand this disease like you guys. We understand.
That's why we come here together. That's why God provided us with this power, so that we can do what I couldn't do. I asked for help, he sent me to you. And here's where I'm staying. I'm staying right here where I was sent, when I needed, in desperation, I needed the help. I ain't going nowhere. I'm staying right here where I belong. My name's Mickey B.. I'm an alcoholic addict. I'm in an alcoholic addict meeting.
I know what's wrong with me and I know what to do about it. That is a lot of shit right there. And I never knew that when I got here. I know who I am, what I am, where I ought to be, what's wrong with me and what to do about it. That is a lot of shit right there. I never knew that when I got here. I knew my name, Mickey B.. Never used it anywhere, legal. When you got a name like Mickey B., you know, you get grateful real quick.
You know that, don't you? Mickey B., Mickey B.. Puts me somewhere between a mouse and a president. You know, right in that spectrum is where you'll find me. I'm really grateful my name ain't Harry. You can laugh. Can you imagine going through life with a name like Harry B.? Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah. Rotten lot, yeah. Really grateful. But you see, here we are, we're dealing with the first two steps.
I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs. And God has provided me with the power. I admit that I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs, that my life had become unmanageable. Holy shit, what is that? See, unmanageable, two-fold disease, mental and physical, mind and body. The unmanageability is the mental side of the disease. The powerlessness is the physical side. The unmanageability side is the mental side.
I can't sit down and manage my own affairs. I can't sit down at a desk and put all this together. I've got bills I can't pay. I've got children that I haven't visited. I've got wife's reports. I've got all this stuff that I don't seem to do. I'm not an idiot. I'm a smart man. But my life's in a mess, in turmoil. I'm broke, busted, disgusted and not to be trusted. I can't seem to be able to, like, manage.
My thinking is all clouded. I keep making bad mistakes. I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs. It's no longer working for me. I don't even get high. I use $500 of cocaine and you know what? It ain't a slip because I didn't get high. I had a guy say that one weekend. He said he slipped. He said, but it don't count because although I spent $500 on crack cocaine, I never got high, so it don't count.
[00:50:00]
I asked the guy last week, how many days you got? He said, well, I would have had 90 days, but I drank yesterday, so I've still only got 89. Unmanageable. See, my life's unmanageable. I'm powerless over alcohol and drugs. And in the second set, came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. What am I doing here? I've come here to believe. What is? A power greater than myself.
Why? To restore me to sanity, so that I don't have to drink and drug. Insanity was drinking and drugging. To be restored to sanity meant not drinking and drugging. I can do that right here. I've unwalked my mind. Remember in the first step, he said, we have walked our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of providence could remove it from us. Holy shit. Is that the air coming back on?
You got nothing to be grateful for? But you know what? The win has hung in. The win has stayed in right now. We went through that bit of turmoil, didn't we? And we've stayed clean and sober doing it, didn't we? It never matters who's left. It matters who's left. You guys. Stick with the winners. Because you know what? If there's winners, there's what? Losers. In the beautiful book it says, you will be amazed how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
Well, if there's right answers, there's what? Wrong answers. Where are they? Where are the right and where are the wrong? In the same bloody place. That's where. And you've got winners and losers in the same place. That's why the bloody book. The book says, our book is meant to be suggestive only. Well, it may have bloody well meant to be, but it ain't. It's got clear-cut, precise instructions, directions and rules to follow.
And in those first two steps, I've got Bill Wilson on tape coming the words out of his mouth of saying that he acknowledged and defined the power in step one and two, so he named it in three. He named it God. I personally have no problem with the name God, but if you do, call it something else. We don't care. I don't have a problem with God. God to me is good orderly direction, group of dunks, group of dicks, go on dreaming, get out devil, good old dude.
I don't care what you call it. To me, I don't mind the word God. But if you do, call it something else. Call it bloody Mishiginovich if you like. No one cares. No one cares. But Bill defined it and he named it God. I have no problem with that. Look, in the beautiful twelve and twelve it says, it says here, that we have walked our mind into such an obsession for destructive drinking. What is an obsession?
I've got an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. I've got an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. An obsession of the mind is a thought to the exclusion of all else, including recovery for the alcoholic addict, which is a different obsession to those other obsessions. Our obsession is totally different. That's why it says, no other bankruptcy is like this one. The rapacious creditor it calls it.
See, our obsession of the mind is different to theirs, because our obsession is a thought to the exclusion of all else, including recovery. Now, if you've got some obsession going, it's not to the exclusion of all else. Let's say you're obsessed over her or him. Sure, we know what that's like, but something in you stops you violating that person. I know there's exceptions to the rule, but I'm not talking about that.
You may be obsessed over her or him, and it may be all you can think about. Why don't you help that in the… Look, why don't you help that? That's why I get the big bucks, because I think about that. See, look, I may be obsessed over her or him, but something stops me, either morally or legally, or some other than taking a bat or dragging her into the bushes and raping and violating her or something.
Something stops me doing it. Not so with the alcoholic addict where alcohol and drugs are concerned. Nothing stops us. When we get sucked in by the obsession, the obsession takes away our ability to say no, so that then we have to say yes, so that when we do say yes, we think we chose to or wanted to and didn't. See, and we don't know that, and we say things like, well, I guess he just wanted to drink more than he didn't want to drink, or I guess he ain't ready yet, which is another lip-flapping party-line bullshit to make it okay for 95% of us not to make it.
[00:55:00]
See, 95% of us ain't making it because we are endorsing and rationalizing the shit out of this thing and saying things like, well, he'll get it in God's time, all in God's time, he'll get it when he's ready, he can't see, that's a load of shit. This is all God's time, and this is the time God's given us to get clean and sober. Don't rationalize the shit out of that crap. It ain't okay. This is the time that we got right now.
Thank you. Walked my mind. In one and two, I un-walked my mind so that I can think straight, because I can't think straight with a walked mind. I un-walked my mind in one and two by not drinking so that I can make a decision in three. I make a decision in three with an un-walked mind. The third step says that. We made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the terror of God as I've understood God.
Well, I've un-walked my mind sufficiently to be able to make a straight decision in three. Now, a decision is all very well, but it's only a decision. There ain't no action attached to it yet. Wow, that's much better. Thank you. That's good. Feels better. See, I've un-walked my mind from the obsession to drink and drug by not drinking and drugging in one and two. And in three it says, made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the terror of God, which is different to what the step and the book are different.
The step says one thing, the book says another thing. Don't fall into the trap that I fell into in three. See, I fell into the trap of thinking it was about turning my life over to God, but it's not. The third step is not about me turning my life over to God. I thought it was. I made a mistake. See, read the step. It says, made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I've understood God.
Understood is a past tense word. It's a past tense word because the understanding comes from one and two. I've understood God in one and two so I can understand in three and make a decision to turn my will and my life over to it, to the care of it, in three. But I can't afford to make a mistake about this. I can't afford to be confused. I turned my will and my life over to God and guess what? The bugger turned it right back.
Said, I don't want it. I gave it to you. I ain't an Indian giver. I thought that's what it meant. No. My white Jaguar taught me about the third step. I've got a white Jaguar sports car. It's a white Jaguar sports car, an XJS, 12 cylinder. I love it. It's my car, me for Christ's sake. 12 steps, 12 traditions, 12 cylinders. Nothing wrong with that. The license plate on it is AA12X12 AA12 and 12. I like it.
It's my car. White Jaguar sports car. Well, guess what? It's a limey piece of shit is what it is. And it breaks down a lot. And when it breaks down, I take it back to the mechanic I got it from and put it in the mechanic's care for fixing and repair. I got it from this mechanic shop and when it breaks down, I take it back to the mechanic I got it from for fixing and repair, just like my life. I take it back to the power for fixing and repair.
I don't put it in the mechanic's care for fixing and repair. But it's my car. That's what my life is. It's my life given to me by the power, but when I need help, he's there for me to turn to. Now, I've made a decision to do that. I've made some knowledge. I know the work. I've done the work. W-O-R-K, What Our Recovery Knows. And if you ain't doing the work, we can predict that you will drink and drug again.
It's very easy. I know folks don't like hearing that, but it's very easy. The book's full of it. We can tell who's going to drink and drug. It's no big deal because it's very easy. Predictable behaviour is predictable. If you ain't doing the work around here, the work is the result of our actions. If you ain't doing the actions, if you ain't doing the work, it's because you ain't taking the actions.
Thinking A-A. If you ain't thinking A-A, N-A-C-A, it's because you ain't combating the disease. And if you ain't combating the disease, you will fall foul of the disease. Very easy. If you ain't doing the work, It's because you ain't taking the action. If you ain't taking the action, it's because you ain't thinking recovery. If you ain't thinking recovery, you ain't combating the disease. And if you ain't combating the disease, you will fulfill the disease.
And that is the work we know. W-O-R-K. What our recovery knows.
[01:00:00]
And so we need to do this. I've done the work in one and two. I understand. I've got a basic format. You guys have helped me. Now I'm going to make a decision. will and my life, but what is that, what is my will and my life, I've got to know what it is, I ask you guys, page 93 of the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says, he can choose any concept of God he likes, provided it makes sense to him, guess what folks, I ask you guys, give it to me, give me that understanding that you claim you've got a God, give me that perception that makes sense to you, come on, you just thank God, God as I understand God, God of my understanding, my higher power, alright, I believe you, but give it to me, give me the understanding and perception, like the book says, he can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him, well give it to me, give me the sense and the perception it makes to you, you know what, you guys can't, you guys, there has to be a reason why 95% of us ain't making it, I flap my lips walking around here believing that there's a God I'm trusting, but I don't understand it and it makes no sense to me, I'd better get an understanding of what that is, I'd better have a God that I can depend on at all times, no matter what, because if I don't, I won't. So what is my will and my life? Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I've understood God, I've got to know what that is, I've got a two-fold disease, obsession in the mind, analogy of the body, well, I've got to live in the now, I've got to live in the now, N-O-W, no other way, because I'm new, N-E-W, nothing else works, tomorrow, and it's screwing up today, I've got to live in the now, but I can't live in the now because I've got guilt, shame and remorse from yesterday and I've got fear, worry and anxiety about tomorrow, holy shit what do I do? Will and life in three, my will and my life, two-fold disease, obsession in the mind, analogy of the body, my will is my thinking, my life is my actions, my will is my thinking, my life is my actions, two-fold, will and life, mental and physical, mind and body. My life is everything I have done and doing will do, past, present, future, everything I have done and doing will do. My will is everything I wish I'd done, would like to be doing and hope I'll do, which is totally different, past, present and future, two-fold, everything I have done and doing and will do, everything I wish I'd done would shelf. Oh, horrible, horrible, don't do that, come along here with us. Now, I've made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I've understood God, understood is a past tense word, because the understanding comes from one and two, so I understand, so I've understood, that I can do, three steps, I can't, he can, so I'm going to let him. Holy shit, you think I knew that when I got here? I never knew that when I got here, I never had a clue about none of this shit, I never had a clue, that's what it was, that's why I use the word shit so much, S-H-I-T, simply how I think, you guys had to teach me, you know, a guy said, well, what do you truly think? Do what? What I truly think, I can't rely on what I think, I don't know where that think, think, think shit comes from on the wall, I think that's a three think limit, you know what I mean?
Think, think, think, look, the disease lays mainly in my mind, what I do with my mind is think, so it ain't hard to work out that what I think is probably disease, is it? I can't rely on that, I can't rely on my truth, what I believe, what I say, no, I'm a liar, a cheat and a thief, I speak with a forked tongue, I'll tell a lie any chance I get to take an advantage of you, so I can't rely on my head and I can't rely on my mouth, I certainly can't rely on my mind, my friend Earl said, it's the core of my being, I quite like that too, but I've got to establish something, I established something that I could fully concede to, to my innermost self, to my core of my being, to my gut level honesty and you know what it was? I suggest you get something about yourself that you can fully concede to too, it don't have to be the same as mine, it can be anything you like, it doesn't matter what it is, just as long as you can fully concede to something about yourself that happens when you drink and drug, that you can 100% believe, not telling you about me, when I drink, I black out, I don't know how much to drink to go into a blackout, I
[01:05:02]
don't know how much not to drink, so I don't go into a blackout, I don't know how much to drink to go into a short one, a thin one, a warm, no, when I drink, I black out, it's a done deal, you cannot remove that from my thinking, it's burned into my consciousness, so indelibly, like we have to as retrieving our hand from a hot flame on the stove, that's a done deal isn't it, that's burned indelibly into your consciousness, hot stove, from little kids, we're taught by our parents, hot, hot, burny, burny, blow on it, see I did it with my little kids, we have to get the same type of understanding about our consciousness, I suggest that you get something that you can fully concede to, something about yourself.
Now we hear about admittance, acceptance and surrender, and I told you it ain't the deal, fully concede to you in and of myself is the deal, and I'll give you an example of what I mean by that. In the very first page of this book, Alcoholics Anonymous, it starts off, war fever ran high in the New England towns of which the new young officers from Flatsburg were assigned. It goes on to say, we landed in England, I visited Winchester Cathedral, it goes on to say on the first page, you know, 22 and a veteran of foreign wars are returned at last. That's Bill Wilson's story, and he's talking about the First World War, the First World War. Guess what? I was born in the Second World War, 1943. The blitz was on in London, you've seen it on A&E and other channels. The Luftwaffe was bombing the shit out of London. Hitler was going to take over the world of a thousand years of Third Reich. Guess what? They did a very silly thing. They upset you bad boys from the US of A. And guess what? You bad boys came over there and kicked Hitler's ass, and we're glad you did that. You shaved our bacon, thank you very much. But that wasn't the first time you did that. In the First World, as we think acceptance and surrender is the deal, anyway, ain't the deal. Fully concede to my innermost self. And once we have fully conceded to our innermost self, guess what? We ain't then got to rely on the memory of what happened last time. So many people get loaded because they remember and they're relying on what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. I've got news for you. We suffer from ISM, I-S-M, Incredibly Short Memory, where this disease is concerned. I'll remember the $2 some dick owes me from 20 years ago, but I'll forget the devastation and despair of what happens when I drink and drug, and what'll happen to me next. So I got to do this thing. Ain't no good. So let's have a little recap. Twelve steps, twelve steps, spiritual program. You told me I need help with it, because remember we deal with alcohol and drugs, without help it's too much for us. So I needed help with it. You told me to get a sponsor. Today I got a sponsor and sponsor other people. Holy shit. Wow. Wait a minute. I invited God in, I was powerless, makes me mean I had no God in my life, so I invited God into my life as far as alcohol and drugs was concerned. He sent me to you, a twelve step spiritual fellowship. You guys introduced me to a big book, B-I-G-B-O-O-K, believing in God beats our old knowledge. In the beautiful book was a twelve step program.
P-O-O-G-O-A-M. People relying on God, relying on me, I'd need help with it to get a sponsor. F-P-O-N-S-O-R. Sober person offering newcomers suggestions on recovery. Sponsor. Today I sponsor other people. Holy shit. So I got a God in my life, I got a twelve step spiritual fellowship, I got a big book, I got a power in it greater than myself, I got a program, a design for living, a blueprint for life, I got a sponsor, I got sponsories, I got so much bloody power over alcohol today I don't know what to do with it for Christ's sake. You think I walk around here claiming I'm powerless like you guys say. I don't do that. Why would I do that? When I hear people in cocaine and alcohol walking around do it, there'd be twelve step programs on that principle. We can do what I couldn't do. That's why we tell you something that ain't in the book. We tell you please keep coming back. Keep coming back, ain't in the book. But please do it because we got the power right here. This is where the power is when we do that. So I got a conscious context.
[01:10:03]
Every single day without fail, every single day you guys have taught me well. When I was in desperation and despair, I needed help and I turned to the power and the source and I asked for help. When I had nothing, when I was broke, busted, disgusted, when I had nothing, he sent me to you. Now I got everything, he sends me to you. Here's where I belong. Here's where I need to be. Here's where I was sent. Here's where I'm supposed to be.
Here's where I'm best off being and here's where I can deal with what's wrong with me. You think I'm leaving? I ain't leaving. I ain't going nowhere. I'm staying right here where I belong. I ain't going nowhere. The one thing that underlines everybody who relapses is that they stop coming here. I'm staying here. My name's Mickey B.. I'm an alcoholic addict. I'm in an alcoholic addict meeting. I know what's wrong with me and I know what to do about it. I'm staying right here with you where I belong.
I did it. They come back here and they tell us why they drank and drugged again, the shit they come up with. It's a funny thing. They go out and drink and drug and when they come back, they can tell us why they did it. But if you tell them that they're going to do it before they've done it, based on what they're not doing to prevent it from happening, they go, you're number one with me, pal. Why is it that we have to, in Cocaine Anonymous, I have a great allegiance to Cocaine Anonymous because cocaine was the last mind-altering substance of any kind I did on May 7th, 1983. Why? Why did we write in our format, cocaine and all other mind-altering substances? Anybody do a lot? Did it make your dick disappear too? You ain't going to get that in no treatment centre recovery manual. Chew up some crystal, your dick will disappear. We know about that. It's funny how the ladies seem to relate to that too. Dudes are going, not me, rock on Tommy. Ladies are going, sure. I like doing cocaine. Anybody here do a little cocaine? Anybody do a lot? No shit. Heroin? I don't care if I puke on you, I'm a goddamn puker for Christ's sake. I love hallucinogenic germs, all that shit, I love it, I do all that shit. But we asked whoever heard that.
We're going to wrap this up here and thanks for your patience, I know it's been tough. My telephone number's in Los Angeles, I'm from Los Angeles. I've got three numbers, 818 area code, 818-R-U-S-O-B-E-R. 818-R-U-SOBER. Like Toys R Us, R-U-S-O-B-E-R. 818, you cheap bastards, not 800. I've got a second number, a fax number, I use it as 818-R-U-CLEAN. R-U-C-L-E-A-N. Are you clean? Are you sober? My third number that I got is 818 area code, R-U-S-O-B-E-R, turns into outrageous nightmare, sobriety hangs in peril. Oh you do relate to that, huh? Well you gotta be careful, you know. You know, I'll give you a clue if you're wondering whether you is or whether you isn't a real addict alcoholic. You better not have laughed in here today. Cos they say if you're laughing in here, you're relating. And if you're relating to a sicko like me, there ain't no doubt about you pal, I can promise you that. Cos I don't get through to no well people. Well people don't laugh at my shit.
You people laugh with me. And that's what the language of the heart is, isn't it? H-E-A-R-T. Healing, enjoying, bleed across the board, the Moriarty. One day at a time, and guess what? Neither one of those statements is in the beautiful book. But please do it. God bless.