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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 787 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: chris-r-experience-recovery-and-the-power-of-the-steps-ca-date-unknown-archive-787.mp3 Duration: 01:05:40
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Here at Texas! Y'all seen this coat? Okay. It's a little hot. No, I gotta say, my hair will fall off. I don't know about these lights. My name's Chris R. and I'm a drug-addicted alcoholic. Hmm. In fact, I don't like these lights at all. Maybe they could raise the house lights just a hair. I can't see them. I can't, I can't see, I can't talk to people I can't see. Whoa! Uh. You know, we got a guy down in the hill country where I come from who always talks, when he speaks, he always talks about nuts.
There's no big deal. I wish he could be here tonight. This, this is as tall as the cotton gets out here. I know, no pun intended. You can't hear it? How's that? Oh, you don't have, I'll get cranked here in a minute, you don't have any problem. These four people up front will be moving back quick. This is absolutely the coolest. I want to thank everybody that had anything to do with getting me to come up here and do this.
I was asked about a year ago to do this and it's, it's, ah, it's been an honor, something I've looked forward to continually. Tony's been my host this weekend and he's carted me around and took me rock cutting this morning and… I don't know. We've got some good minerals, Phoenix is great for minerals and it's a neat, neat, neat honor to be here. I want to thank all the little Texas, all the Texas buckaroos.
Give it a big hi, huh? Yay! I've got to tell you, CA is alive and well in Texas, so… I'd like to say hi to everybody outside that didn't get in and welcome, welcome to the coolest thing I've ever done. I need to share with you, also real quick before I forget, I want to thank the family members for coming to this. You know, yeah, I… Some of you guys can't imagine, you know, alcoholics and addicts, we have a tendency to bond, but, you know, some of our significant others that aren't one of us, you know, they put up with a lot of, a lot of horse shit with us, you know, and I, I had the opportunity, ah, last year to finally get a chance to make amends to my first wife, who I, ah, flat put through the ringer, folks.
Ah, sitting across the table from her in Houston, Texas, and, ah, first time I'd seen her in about 15 years, and, ah, was able to, ah, do as we are taught to do, make amends, and, ah, I told her what I thought I owed her amends for, and she just sat there with tears in her eyes and said, You know, I didn't realize that she'd been taken in an ambulance to a psych ward as a direct result of a nervous breakdown that I caused with my drinking and drugging, and I didn't know it for 12 years.
Thank you, families, for sticking with us. You know, the miracle of this program is that if we do the things we're supposed to do, the desire to use will leave us, and we recover from cocaine addiction and alcoholism, and that's a given. The problem is, is that so many of us don't get it. It's got to be very despairing for us. You know, I was, I'm a chronic relapser, folks. I'm eight years in and out of a fellowship, and I could not get sober, and, ah, a lot of people put up with a lot of my shenanigans, and I'm, and I'm eternally grateful.
They're still putting up with my shenanigans. I need to tell you, you know, I've said this before, and now I've caught it irritating to some people, but what, this women's deal in Phoenix, I mean, what is this with these women in this place? I mean, I need to get out of Ingram more often. I can promise you that. This is the best-looking women I have ever seen in my life. I've been caught more than once out by the pool catching flies, you know, and it's like, you know, Ingram's kind of a small little town.
We got a lot of, we got a lot of sheep in Ingram, and, you know, some of you, there's a 12-step program for that, too, I need to tell you. Some of y'all may have to be asked to speak at that conference next, no, but I tell you, I've called my wife about 10 times, and I told her, last time, I just listened, you know, we're about an hour from the airport, and she's got to come pick me up, and I said, Jeannie, come pick me up.
I told her the time, and I said, and lose the boy.
[00:05:01]
You know, this is going to be something else. I tell you, I miss her. I miss her. This is the coolest. Some of you are going to love what I've got to say tonight. Some of you are going to leave this room feeling like you've just had a spanking. I love Cocaine Anonymous, and I love Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous. I love the 12 steps. They saved my life, and I am as passionate about them as anybody I've ever known.
It's been an interesting thing coming to Cocaine Anonymous this weekend, coming for the workshops and getting to meet so many of you. A lot of times when I speak in public at CA conferences or in AA groups or whatever, you know, there's a lot of middle-of-the-road stuff out there, and we all know that, and a lot of stuff disguised as recovery that's horse shit that's not. And so, you know, I come to these big conferences, and if you're going to hear horse shit, you're going to hear it at a large conference, because there's 15,000 people up here that everybody wants to be entertained, and that's what you're going to.
I've got to tell you, we didn't hear it this weekend. I say, we didn't hear it this weekend. From the first speakers that I heard and through the workshops, and I guarantee you, everybody was on the page and everybody's talking. So really, the truth of the matter is, there are very few people that I'm going to piss off. I mean, I don't know why. They introduce me all the time all over the country when I speak.
It's all just Chris Ramers. It's that controversial speaker from Texas. You know what I mean? Chris Ramers is always controversial. I'm controversial for two reasons, because I don't make any bones about cussing from the podium. I do that. So do some of you, is what I heard this weekend. But I'm the controversial one, because I'm going to talk about what comes out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I believe that we have the power to help others. The book says that we have recovered and been given the gift of being able to help other alcoholics and addicts get sober, and I believe if we do what the book says, that we can turn the tide on this terrible thing called cocaine addiction. I'm just passionate about it, folks, and I've got to tell you. I hear somebody watering it down, you know, trying to ease it in underneath the newcomer.
You know, we don't want to scare anybody off. We need to… Come on, baby. I know. Well, I guess, you know, I'm going to talk about it some tonight. I finally, after a suicide attempt in 1987, landed in a room full of people that loved me enough to tell me the truth. They loved me more, and they cared more for me and my sobriety and my relationship with God, and they did my sensitive goddamn little feelings.
You see? Is this mine? Is this one with a Spanish fly in it? I love Spanish fly. I was eight years trying to get sober, folks, and I've got to tell you today, November 13, 1987, was my last drink and my last drug, and I'm tickled to death to have that. I need to give a couple of second disclaimer here for any of those that are not buying the controversial stuff. I'm here for one reason only, to share my experience, strength, and hope with the drug addict or the alcoholic that's in this room.
If the family members are here and they want to be entertained by this, that's wonderful, but I'm going to just tell you straight. Today in Cocaine Anonymous are full of people that don't need to be here, and we've heard some other speakers this week talk about this. You're welcome. You're welcome. Just be careful what you say in my meetings, because there's a lot of people dying because of your flippancy.
You see, I am the person on page 21. I am the real cocaine addict. I am the real alcoholic. Let me try to run something by you here, because some of you guys are not going to relate to what I've got to say. Chris Ramer, he's too passionate. If I'd walked in my first meeting and he'd been yelling at me like that, I'd have walked out. I don't do this in an AA meeting. I do this at a conference to try to explain where I'm coming from.
But you all need to hear where I'm coming from. This is about perspective. For years in the fellowship, before I got sober, I would come into the fellowship, I would come into these rooms. My first attempt in about 1980 to try to get sober, up in North Texas. They didn't have CA at that time in North Texas, that's for sure. But I'm trying to get sober from cocaine addiction and alcoholism. And I'm walking into these rooms.
A lot of people were in there talking about their kids and stuff. Now, I can appreciate this. But they're talking about their kids. They're talking about their kids. And I couldn't relate, because I've never had kids. And for years in adulthood, basically it's been, you know, if you've got kids, just remember who's the adult. Spank them, and everything's going to be okay. But I've never had kids. So, you know where I'm going with this.
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It's about seven years ago. God sees fit to reunite me with a girl that I dumped in high school. Right? My high school sweetheart. I left for alcohol and cocaine. Not that any of y'all have ever done that. And unbelievable. Unbelievable. And 20 years later, we end up getting married. Can you believe that? And there's a little five-year-old boy in the deal. Yeah. And that's what I said. Oh, isn't that cute?
Where do you wind it up? You know, where do you feed it? Oh. Two months after I moved into the house of Jeannie back down in Ingram. I moved from the big city and moved into Ingram. And two months later, after being with that family for a short period of time, she comes out looking for me. And I'm a big bicycle enthusiast. A lot of y'all know that. And I'm out there underneath my workbench. And she comes out.
She says, Chris, what are you doing under there? And I said, nothing. I'm in a fetal position underneath that workbench. That kid has pushed every friggin' button I've got. Five years old, and I know who's wearing the pants in that family. And I don't know what to do about it. You with me? It's about perspective. I'm going to tell you one more quick one. You guys, a couple years ago, I talked over at the Edge, and I told you about a little bicycle mishap I had with a deer, right?
I'm the only guy I know that's ever run into a deer on a bicycle. I can't believe I'm telling y'all this story. I mean, I've got to give y'all ammunition to shoot me with later. But I've got to tell you, up to the moment of impact, and I hit the asphalt. Let me tell you something. It was a terrible thing. Up to that point, I loved Bambi. I mean, the deers, I mean, we were just… I now own a hunting license.
I mean, my whole attitude towards deer has changed. I've got to tell you. It's about perspective, folks. You with me? And a lot of the cats that are sitting in these rooms in our fellowships, they don't come with alcoholism or drug addiction from the same point of place that I come from. They've got the power of choice. They are not the person on page 21. They, given sufficient reason, the little wifey who got tired of them coming home and spending all the money, got in a little trouble, whatever, they said, that's it for me.
I'm going to put the plug in the jug and everything's going to be okay. And listen, folks, if you can do that, again, you're welcome in our fellowship. Come visit. But understand, newcomers, please, who you're listening to in these meetings may not be one of us. For the real alcoholic or the real drug addict, your life depends on a spiritual experience. Yes. Oh, Lord, I tell you. And I guess that's probably the most controversial thing I'm going to say from the podium.
You know, everybody says, everybody's welcome. You are welcome. But I'm just saying, be careful as a newcomer what you're listening to in these meetings. Because if it's not coming out of the big book, it's horse shit. Our fifth tradition says that our main object, our primary requirement is to help other alcoholics. They sober by carrying one message. This message page 17 says that we've got a common problem, folks, alcoholism, drug addiction.
We've got a common problem, but we also have a common solution. You see, and what we've done over the years is not qualify the member when they got here. Oh, you're having trouble with cocaine. Welcome. Well, we need to take it a little step further. Are you just a hard cocaine user? I mean, folks, there are those idiots out there. I mean, I see them. I work at a treatment center for heaven's sake.
I do clerical work for a facility. And we get to see thousands of people come through there. And I get to see a lot of cats that don't need to be there. Why? Here's what the big book says an alcoholic or a drug addict is. It says, we've got a thing called a moderate drinker or a drugger. I won't even take time to talk about that. We've got nobody moderate anywhere in here. Jesus. We've got these cats that are called hard drinkers, right?
Hard druggers. These cats, they drink a lot, they're party animals, you know, but given sufficient reasons, they can walk away from this crap. Y'all with us? Got a little problem with the health. Got a little problem with the job. Got a little problem with the little wifey poosie. Again, they can walk away from it. And then it says, the next paragraph says, but what about the real alcoholic? What about the real cocaine addict?
I'm hip with your third tradition. But now listen to me now. Listen to me. The only requirement to come into these rooms is a desire not to use. I'm hip with that. But if the guy sitting in your meeting doesn't want to use, but he's not going to use, he's not going to come at you with the same perspective. And that's the only point I'm trying to make. I'm not saying anybody is not welcome. Everybody is welcome But be careful what you're listening to we got people killing people on a daily basis in our fellowships
[00:15:00]
Folks, let me let me just talk about it a little bit here. We don't get right down the path the pike I'm speaking in fucking tongues already. I don't know Gonna be a long night In the next couple of weeks, Alcoholics Anonymous will celebrate its 65th birthday. Yes, yes. And I got to tell you, from a historian standpoint, from somebody who loves the history and, and has had good sponsorship and studied this stuff, I need to look at, I need to look at the archives and we need to look. We did some workshops this weekend and we talked about a lot of this stuff, but let me just tell you straight. In the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous, we had a lot of people getting sober. If you're reading the prefaces to the first, the, the second edition, it talks about, it talks about a 75% success rate. Y'all with me? If you read, dig a little deeper, you'll find that there were areas in the Midwest that had nearly a hundred percent success rate. People getting off the alcohol and the drugs by coming in and working these programs. Great success rate back then, folks. I guarantee you right now in the state of Texas today, success rate hovers around 8%. 8% of the people coming into Cocaine Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous are staying sober a year. The rest of the cast, it's a revolving door. You know, we, I guess I've done this on every tape I've ever done. Every talk I've ever done. I'm talking about it. Everybody wants to let everybody off the hook and look the other way. Well, you know, it's for years. We heard it's them damn crack addicts. Oh, it's a, it's a breakdown of the family unit. It's this, it's that.
Oh, it's the welfare system. Oh, it's this. Oh, it's them damn court systems. You know, everybody's got a reason why they think the success rates are so low. Folks. I'm going to tell you as early as 1976, delegates of Alcoholics Anonymous understood and talked about it from the podium. The fact that the message that the newcomers early on, we're getting is not the same message we're getting today. Yeah. I need to tell you straight that 60 years ago, you would not have found one of those alcoholics telling some guy coming off the street who was absolutely burnt from the drugs and the alcohol that he needed to go take a nice warm bubble bath and light a bunch of candles.
That may be a wonderful, wonderful thing. I can assure you that there wasn't one of those buckaroos out there in the train station looking for drunks and addicts. Listen to me. That was telling them when they got back to the clubhouse to stand up in front of a mirror and do some positive fucking affirmation. What they were saying was, are you ready to go find God? Cause we need your help in the trenches and oh yeah, you're sober 24 hours.
It's time for you and me to go out there and try to get another, get another drunk to work with. We were all staying sober folks because we didn't have time to worry about this other stuff. We understood that, that it wasn't us fixing our, let's just get this straight right now. Alcoholics anonymous and cocaine, anonymous narcotics, anonymous, our sister fellowships. Let me tell you this, this is not a self-help program. We don't, we don't, we don't keep ourselves sober. If I could keep myself sober by God, I'd have done it years before I lost those businesses. Before I harmed all those women and scared all those kids and damaged my family, I'd have gotten myself sober. Now I'm going to tell you right now from the podium, I love therapy. I'm a product of some great therapy and if you've got the time and the money and you can afford it, if you can't, you come see me and I'll try to figure out a way to get you there. A therapist can fix what's wrong with you in lots of areas. You with me? But let me tell you this, this fellowship therapy treatment centers, the church, no human power can get me sober.
It took me eight years to figure out folks, eight years in and out of the fellowship trying to get sober, wondering how come you could get sober and I couldn't get sober. Why? Because you were doing the damn work and I wasn't. It's just as simple as that. Man, oh man, oh man. I do clerical work for this treatment center, right? And we get the cats that get to come in and we get to do a little big book with them on the side. But, but one of the things that we get to do, we track them when they leave treatment and we get to monitor them and we get to see who stands over and who's not. One of the reasons that I get so passionate about this is because every patient that comes through there, I get a chance to sit down and drink coffee with and visit. And I get to talk to him. I say, Hey, listen, let me ask you a couple of questions. Did you ever try cocaine anonymous? Well, yeah.
Well, did you ever try alcoholics? Well, yeah. Narcotic. Yeah. Yeah. I tried the 12 steps. It didn't work. Well, it beats the hell out of me, you know, cause I sobered up in a, in a, I mean, I just walked in the doors and somebody, and I mean, I, the 12 steps worked for me. He says, Chris, I know it'll probably work for some people, but you guys stick with
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me, but I can't stand going to the meetings. He says, come on, brother. Like I hadn't heard it before. Tell me why you can't stand going to the meetings without exception, war stories and people pissing and moaning about their problems. The problem is not getting people to our fellowships. This is the only game in town. The only thing that we know that works is the 12 step movement. The only thing that we know from, from my, from my standpoint in that treatment center, it's going to work for a crack addict is cocaine anonymous. Now you need to hear me tonight. The, the only thing that will work for a real crack addict is the 12 steps. It's cocaine anonymous.
Now we know that we know it works. The history shows the success rates. We know that the people come in and do the work. They stay sober. So why won't they stay in the fellowship that we love so much guys in here and here, and here's where the grind comes in. If you can get through this little rough spot here, all the controversy will be over. This is the grinder right here. Cause we're the most selfish self-centered sons of bitches in the world. And we don't want to piss anybody off. And we want to continue to come to the meetings and use them as a dumping ground for our problems. Let me, let me run something by you. Let me, let me ask you a question real quick. We just talked about it in a little preamble that the nice lady read. You know, we talk about it in every CA meeting. You know, we thought we were drinking because of the husband and the wife, but that's not the truth. Is it? How many of you guys in here did a whole bunch of cocaine when you were in a great relationship? How many, when you were in a shitty relationship? How many with a skinny woman? How many with a big old beefy one? Yes. I love them. Yes. How many, how many when you had a great job and like made a lot of money? How many of you was pissed poor and didn't have no money? How many when you had that big Lincoln town car? How many when he's riding a bicycle? Well, we just determined that your external circumstances doesn't make a goddamn bit of difference whether you drink or drug or not. Haven't we? So why dear God, family, do we continue to do it? Pissed poor sponsorship comes to mind. All through this weekend. I have been tapping some of you real big beefy boys on the back, and you could come up real close to the, as soon as I gave you the high sign, y'all move real close. Okay. I don't, this group would turn on me in a heartbeat. I can tell. I think, listen, folks, I'm not speaking from any spiritual mountain. I've covered so you guys are grinding your fucking teeth. You think, Oh, look, who does he think he is? I'm an alcoholic and addict.
You've been nearly died in this fellowship by walking in these. Let me, let me give you a little rundown of my story real quick, but let me tell you this. I have pissed and moaning more meetings than I can count. I'm not telling you not to do something that I, that I myself am not guilty of doing, but let me tell you the same story that I hear from thousands of alcoholics and addicts out there. And it, and it applies to me. So succinctly, I started drinking, you know, the old story when I was, I was a kid drinking some brewskies and I was a functioning alcoholic for years. I was in the food business. I was a cook and that didn't cook.
I wasn't a cook because I liked to cook. I was a cook cause I liked to drink for Christ's sake. And they let you drink on the job and the women are babes and that's, this is all. That's the truth. And I cooked for 15 years, but I said somewhere around 79, I'm, I'm not, I'm back in Kerrville trying to get sober, sort of I'm drunk. And, uh, and a merchant Marine friend of mine that I cooked with, he was waiting tables when he was off the ship. He called me, call me from, from San Diego, San Diego, where he said, he says, Chris, I'm coming across the country. He says, I've got some stuff I want you to try. And I said, what is it? He said, Chris, I can't talk, but it's cold here in San Diego. It's like if I landed in buses, like they wouldn't know what we were talking about. Right. And so he got to Kerrville and he said, Chris, you've got to try this stuff. This is cocaine. Now I've done every drug. I've done LSD, every drug in the world I've done, but the cocaine kind of, I got, I got a hair standing up on my arm. I mean, I'm just, you know, he said there, he didn't, he had a little line, a little bump. And I just, I,
[00:25:01]
yeah, we snorted. I said, what are you doing? He showed me and I bumped it up and he was sitting there like that. That's pretty good kid. Isn't it? And I'm sitting there like, it's a God thing. It's a bird that hurt. Like hell wasn't my nose. You know, what did you do? Like I just snorted glass for Christ's sake. And then I went numb, you know, and then, and then what cocaine does took place in Chris Ramer. And guys, let me tell you something. I sat right there with that glazed look. And he said, Chris, you know, I got to go. You know, I got my little, I got to go. I'll see you. And he, I got out of his van and got in my truck and I sat there and I, and I sat there, you know, I'd never felt anything like it.
And I went back to my apartment. I had a date that night. I says, hon, I can't make it. I, I got something came up and I went back to my apartment. I took off all my clothes and I got a plan, you know, I got a plan because I got to figure out how to get some more of this stuff. And I got to tell you within a month, I'd, I'd hopped my telescope and my stereo and my key guys. I've been drinking for years and never did that. Never hopped nothing to get a beer, nothing, you know, but I'm shit. I'm off the page, you know, and everybody's saying, Chris, you seem so different. What's up?
You seem so changed. I, I am. I mean, I started two new businesses and I'm doing this and I'm staying up half the night. I mean, this stuff, man, alcohol, so slowing down for me, I couldn't drink as much as I used to. And now I can do, I can drink all night and it's just a wonderful life. I ended up back in Houston and Houston and things got tough. And, and I got married and I went to North Texas and things got tougher. I've got two businesses. I've had, I've had two little barbecue restaurants and a little catering company. I lost them all to, on the, on the books, it was poor business stuff.
Uh, I snorted them up. And I got to tell you, my story is not as bad as a lot I've heard. I guarantee you, I didn't go as low as some of you guys did, but I, this, this was a nightmare on hell. This was absolutely nightmare on Elm street. I could not, not drink. And I could not, not do cocaine. And I'm out of money and things are getting tough and end up in North Texas, finally in an AA meeting, trying to get well. And I walk into AA meeting and I say, listen, guys, I'm having a little problem with cocaine. I'm having a little problem with alcohol. And can you guys help me? And they said, well, absolutely sure. And what did they do?
They tried to do the same thing that I see so many of us in the fellowship trying to do. They tried to scare me into their fellowship. And they, I was young at that time, guys, I was alive and they tried to scare me in with their war stories. Now they haven't, they call them first step meetings in Texas. I don't know what they call them over here. What we were, what, what we were supposed to do is talk about the disease and qualify us and see if we're supposed to be here. But that's not what we did. What we did was get down to brass tacks and everybody wanted to tell their stupid goddamn war stories. Now at the time I'm again, I'm a functioning alcoholic and addict. I've still got a job and I'm still driving a car.
You're with me, but these guys get in there and they start telling all their wars. Well, I've had three DWI next guy. Well, I've had four DWIs and been to prison. Well, I beat my wife and I've been to jail and I've been in and I'm, you know, and I, it's like, check. I don't have DWI check. I don't beat my wife. Check. I, none of this stuff's happening to me. So I can't possibly be one of you. You with me after a few weeks, I get up and leave.
God, that's the only, it's the only place in the world that I can get sober, but I can't stay there because I can't identify. Why can't I identify? Because we won't talk about the internal condition. We're too busy telling the stupid ass war story. What I want to know is can anybody just wake up in the morning and not want to do a bump? Can anybody wake up in the morning and just know that tonight they're not going to have a beer in their hand. Can you tell me if the obsession will ever leave? Nobody ever talked to me about that, but I just keep coming back and I come back again. And now we're going to get another round of stupid war stories. Guys, there's no, there's no chapter in the back of a book called into scare.
There's a chapter in the back of a book called a vision for you. And what we're supposed to try to do is to pull the newcomer with a vision of how cool life can be in sobriety. You don't have to… One, you can't scare me. Goddammit, I've eaten out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas. What are you going to do? Tell me some chicken shit scary story? Get
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out of my face! The book tells me I'm not even going to remember my own scary stories much less… The Depression Left. Imagine that. There was one antidepressant, though, that came in a form of a suppository and it was a pretty cool antidepressant, I've got to tell you. I don't know if it did anything with the antidepressant. Well, never mind. I went back into Alcoholics Anonymous because there was nothing else to do. The antidepressants obviously weren't working, suicide was on my mind on a daily basis, and I did the same thing that so many of you did. I spent the next 8 years in and out of the fellowship.
I'd go in, stay 3 months, pull my hair out, I can't stand it, leave. Go back in, Jesus Christ, stay a month, leave. I couldn't stand it. Every time you go in, why? Because of the stupid pissing and moaning. Guys, you know, I'm coming apart at the seams and I'm so afraid that I'm going to use today, I can't stand it, and so I'm going to walk into this room and hopefully somebody's going to pull me with a vision, right? But no, we don't have time to talk about what's going on with me and this disease and how I can overcome alcoholism and drug addiction, because we're too busy talking about your goddamn divorce.
You with me? Made some of you uncomfortable there, didn't you? Listen, guys, I'm going to say it now and I'm going to say it again before I finish here. This fellowship is not therapy. This is a spiritual program of action. Please. Well-meaning therapists have sent you to us for years, believing that we could just come into these fellowships and talk about anything we want to. And I'm going to just say this real quick. The goddamn arrogance of us to think that we can do that. We've got one job on this earth to do, and that's to help an alcoholic and addict sober up. What the hell are we doing trying to fix every problem in the world? You need to go back to that therapist and get your money's worth.
I'm telling you, the therapy is the greatest. If you're, if you need a good lawyer, go find a good lawyer. You with me? If you're having trouble with your PO, go take it up with a legal system. Go talk to your PO about it. But you ain't drinking because you're PO and you ain't drinking because you're your wife and you ain't drinking because you ain't got a job and you ain't drinking because of any of this other happy horse shit. You with me?
So why do you have to come into my meetings and talk about it incessantly? When we, the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous folks, AA meetings were a pep rally. We would get together with the buckaroos and we would get the newcomers and we would get together. We'd talk about the cool things that were happening. We would bear witness like the book asked us to do. We would share our personal testimony of how cruel life was as being sober. And then we would get together and we'd get some literature and we'd go out to the bus station and the Salvation Army and try to carry that message to other alcoholics.
Everybody wants to throw this bullshit, but this is attraction rather than promotion. Listen, you need to stop taking shit out of the big book out of context. Our 12th step says that we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics. You with me? You look at the people on these service committees that have done this thing. You look at the little new guys with just a couple of weeks, couple of months sobriety doing HNI out here pouring coffee and working the coffee. That's service work, folks. And those cats are going to say so.
And that's what I couldn't do for eight years. Cause I wouldn't do that shit. Cause you see, you've got to understand my case is different. Yeah. Like you've said it. Yeah. But my case is different. I realized that they, they can do the little service work. It's it. Oh shit. November 13th, 87. It's colder than hell up in Dallas, Texas, but, but it's a dry cold. What is this? What is this for shit? I just, a dry heat.
And I've got a stack of return checks and the beast that I'm, I mean, the nice lady I'm dating is left. That's her heart, you know? And I, you know, it's just, it's just all that I'm working.
[00:35:00]
I haven't, I have some employment because my brother has hired me and that's the only reason I'm not on the street and I, the depression is choking me to death and nothing will work. And it stopped working for me. The cocaine won't work anymore. All I do now is get paranoid. Y'all know that I'm too, I'm too afraid to go in the store and get food. I'm convinced that them cats and Cobra connected. You know what I mean? And I can't, she's terrible. And the alcohol won't work because it's getting me too loaded and I'm not having a happy day and it's nearly Christmas.
And I know there won't be any Christmas stuff this year. Nobody's going to send me any Christmas cards. And I take a bottle of pills and some alcohol and try to commit suicide. Like so many of y'all have tried to do. And grace of God, I believe that divine intervention, that attempt failed. I heard a voice say, yes, it was, I'm sure in my head, Christian never really gave those cats down in the fellowships of chance. You know, you've ran a fellowship for eight years and never even bought a big book for Christ's sake. Why don't you try it one more time? And if it doesn't work, you can go ahead and kill yourself. The next day I walked into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous at six o'clock in the evening. I sat outside the club and watched the cats go in. And I was so sick to think that this is where the Alcoholics Anonymous for Christ's sake, I owe everybody in the world. I'm driving an old beat up pickup truck. I haven't got an inspection sticker.
I've got no insurance. My life absolutely sucks big ones, but I'm embarrassed to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unbelievable. And I walk into the, I walk into that meeting and something's different and they're all carrying big books. And I said, what is this? A big book study to know this is this, this is an open discussion, but we bring this topic out of a big book. What a concept. And, and, and they all had big books and they were talking to me about this at night. Guys, they said it right in there. And absolutely. Sometimes when I speak to the podium, y'all think, Oh, well, you know, you can't be that harsh with, with, with the newcomer. They weren't harsh with me at all. They sat down there and a good looking woman laid up next to me and she got, she put her arm around me and they loved me folks. I stunk. I hadn't bathed in.
And she cleaned up my coffee as I spilled it. I sat in that meeting and detox that night and they took care of me. And the old timer said, Chris, are you ready to get sober? And I made the mistake of saying something stupid, like, well, you know, one day at a time. So Chris, old buddy, uh, next time I ask you a yes or no question, I want a yes or no answer. See buddy, that's another thing we've taken out of context.
Book says we live life one day at a time. It says we make a commitment that we want to stay sober. And they asked me finally down to brass tacks. Do you want to do this deal or not? Are you ready to have a different life? Are you, are you trying to live it like an animal? I mean, Jesus Christ, Chris, you want one month to read out of dumpsters. The next month, you've got a great job ahead of you and everything's going great and you pull it all down on top of you. And the wife is absolutely not fun. Are you ready to have something different?
And I said, yes. And I had me crying there and they were right. They were so kind about it. But at the same time, they were very forceful. They were very understanding. What we do here in this group is we work the steps and if you're going to get a sponsor and you're going to work the steps and we can promise you that you're going to have a spiritual experience, it'll change your life forever. And I said, I think you're a liar. He said, we don't care if you think we're like, we don't give a rat's ass. We're not, we're not here to entertain you. Do you want what we have? And I looked around the room and it was just good looking block. And I said, yeah, no guys, I was done. I was done. I said, absolutely. Nikki, this afternoon, the workshop talked about getting, being convinced you're in almost self and hitting your bottom.
I'd hit my bottom less than 24 hours before that I tried to commit suicide. And now I'm sitting here playing word games with these people. No, I see what's happening. Absolutely. You betcha. I'll do this deal. And I got to tell you every night, every night, my ass was in that meeting at six o'clock for those old timers. And they said, Chris, you show up 30 minutes early and we'll start doing the work. And you're going to do service work and you're going to get on the committee here. We need somebody to be on the cleanup committee. I said, listen, I got to draw the line here someplace, you know what I mean? I'll be on your committee, God, you know, you know, but I'm not doing this cleanup. You know what I mean?
I don't smoke. You know, I'm not going to clean up your ass. I'm just not, I'm not going to do it. They said, Chris, do you want to stay sober? He opened the door and says, Chris Ramer, meet Mr. Hoover, the vacuum cleaner, you know, and he was in the deal. And he says, let me tell you, let me tell you guys that week. I said, fine, I'll do it. I have pissed, you know, I'm not going to like it, but I'll do it. And I came in the next day. I took off from my job. I owned a little business, right? It was bankrupt, but I owned it. So I could take off anytime I wanted to. And I went down there and I cleaned that club from top to bottom. And
[00:40:05]
I said, I'll show them something. I'll show them exactly what a good egg. I'll show. Listen, let me tell you. And I did too. I cleaned that place with a toothbrush and those people started filing in at six o'clock and I was sitting back there with a cup of coffee. And I tell you, the little lady came in and she said, she had tears in her eyes. She says, who cleaned this place? I did. You want to talk about instant self-esteem? You start doing something for somebody else for a change and watch your self-esteem go through the roof. I didn't have to stand in front of any mirror and say, I am a good boy. I am a good boy. I knew that was what a guy didn't.
I find myself standing in front of the mirror, right? But naked. I do have a big dick. I do have a big dick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm positive. Positive affirmations don't work. Let me tell you real quick, cause we're going to run out of time. Let me tell you what happened. I started working the steps with a cat and I'm on the fourth, my fourth step. I'm in the fourth column of the fourth step where I finally get to see that Chris R. is the root of the problem.
You know that I'm starting the ball rolling and it's me, you know, that it wasn't about her and what they did. It was about me. See, and I get to look at this stuff and the miracle begins to take place. Now I got to tell you, uh, two weeks into recovery, uh, I got out of my truck in North Texas. I've told some of y'all this is on tapes. Y'all know what I'm talking about, but I had a spiritual experience. I, I got out of my truck in North Texas and there's not a breath of air up there. And I walked, I get out of my truck and I'm, I have to hold on to the side of the truck because I'm, I'm overcome with what the book talks about a new God conscious. I am absolutely convinced to my innermost self that I'll never drink or do cocaine again. I knew for a fact that the obsession had been removed. I don't know when it was removed. It could have happened the first week. I don't know. I just know that I'm surrounded by liquor stores and my drug dealer lives in the apartment complex where I live and I don't want to use. I is a book. The promises that says are going to take place took place. I've been placed in the position of neutrality two weeks into recovery folks. The miracle begins to take place in my life. And we need, and I, and I talk about this from the podium and everybody wants to come up after you have a lot of people that want to come up and I want to tell me that all that couldn't possibly have happened to you, Chris, what you were experienced with a pink cloud. Don't do it to me. Don't do it to me. I'm going to tell you, we did it on a little spirituality workshop. We did earlier that I don't, I don't do pink clouds. I do do God's grace. And I believe that's exactly what takes place with us.
Listen, folks, God knows that we don't have months and months and months to get some comfort. That's why we come in here and seemingly don't have to do much of anything. And we get touched and we get this place where we get comfortable in our own skin. And that's, that's God's grace. Bill Wilson worked the steps guy. He was on his ninth day in town hospital. He was working the steps when he had his, he was still in detox when he had his spiritual experience. Dr. Bob was a little less than 10 days. Sober June 10th night was the last time he had his drink. He went out and finished his amends and he began to have his spiritual experience.
Bill did it in less than seven days. Now you wouldn't meet the early guys in AA, the first 100 that got sober, all had spiritual experiences in less than a month. But we come in these fellowships and tell people to take their time to work the steps. If you have time to work the steps, I'm going to say it again. You're probably not one of us. Come on guys. You know, some of these old crusty sons of a bitch and alcoholics that are just straight out. They made me, they got a little time under their belt. Maybe they can take their time to do this. I don't know, but I'm going to tell you this folks, a crack addict, a cocaine addict, doesn't you get this cat coming into the meat and still stinking of the pipe. I guarantee if you don't get him and get him to God quick, he's gone.
We've seen it too many times, and here's the cool thing, you don't have to fix what's wrong with that crack addict, you don't have to do a damn thing except relay the same message that was relayed to you. Show him where the big book is, help him get a sponsor, sit his little ass down, get him focused and help him start to work the steps.
[00:45:01]
That's it. And then you'll get to watch the greatest miracle. that We Have, You'll Get to Watch Another Alcoholic and Addict Sit Right Across the Table from You, and That Light Will Come on in His Eyes and Say, Jesus Christ, You Mean I Don't Ever Have to Drink or Drug Again As Long as I Live, and You'll Sit There and Go, Yes, Right, As Long as You Do What the Book Says and Carry It Back to Another Alcoholic, It's Your Turn Now to Help Carry the Message, You Can Keep This Miracle, and for the Rest of Your Life, You Can Stay Sober, You'll Never Have to Worry about Another Trigger, You'll Never Have to Worry about Any of This Other Half of This Bullshit About Relapse, Being Part of the Fellowship, Being Part of the Fellowship, That's a Damn Lie. I've got to tell you, folks, there's a lot of cats out there in the fellowship. I'm going to wind this down real quick. You know, I had this spiritual experience, and I immediately went into the fellowship and started talking about this spiritual experience, and no crew came up to me and said, you know, Chris, I'd lay low on this spiritual experience thing, you know, I wouldn't talk so much about it in the meetings, you know, you know, you just might. You see, this man had a lot of knowledge about the fellowship, but he didn't have much experience in the fellowship. You know what I mean? There's a difference between knowledge and experience. I always forget that these guys are over here. You know, I can't, I, what is this? They're throwing things over here about knowledge versus experience so you guys can understand. Once you have this miracle called a spiritual experience and the desire to use cocaine is removed, removed from you. The depression goes away and the boredom is fixed and you start getting excited about your life and you realize it's not a temporary thing. You realize that you're on solid footing, that you're there to do what God wants you to do now. Y'all with me? Okay. But, okay. But now I'm sitting around the room. What? You want to be up here watching this shit? You know, I got a whole bunch of you shaking your head like this. You couch folks, sons of bitches. Listen to what I'm saying. No, because this is exactly what I'm talking about. There's a whole bunch of you in this room that have had those experience and you know exactly what I'm talking about and I couldn't explain it. Even if you don't have to explain it to somebody that's had the experience, all you've got to do is look at him and go, huh? And they go, yes. And they know exactly what you're talking about.
But if you haven't had the experience, if you're still depressed, if you're still bored, you're still obsessing about cocaine and you haven't had it and everybody, everybody wants to shy away. See, nobody wants to just call a spade a spade. You haven't had the spiritual experience. You either, you're either going to recover or you're not. If there's not, there's not a such thing as being a little bit recovered. The obsession is that he's either been removed from you or it has not. I don't know how we can make it any clearer than this. Let me give you this little story real quick. I had this little friend named Edward Sanders. He's in jail now. He won't mind me using his last name. He's a good little buckaroo. We were high school buddies, junior high high school buddies. He lived right across the street from us. We grew up on a little street down in Kerbal, Texas called Goat Creek Road. I can't believe it. Yeah. Well, he's talking about Appalachia. Anyway, one summer, Edward, I don't know how we are, 1450, Edward Sanders, they were a little older. We were late bloomers, all of us. We were kind of nerds and I was a little skinny and I had an identical twin brother and we piled around all summer long. Anyway, this guy goes to this family reunion and they're in this bar and there's this girl in there and they hook Anyway, Edward gets some pokey pokey. Okay. Edward has sex. He comes back that night after the family reunion. He's tapping on the window. It's late at night, 12 o'clock at night. He's tapping on the window. He says, Chris, Chris, you got my, he says, my brother said, come on, y'all got to come outside. We pushed his little, he had a little Honda. We pushed it out in the front up by Goat Creek Road so we wouldn't disturb anybody. He says, you guys are not going to believe what took place. He says, I met this girl and we said, no.
And he said, and we realized I became a man tonight. So shit. And he talked about it. He told us all of these guys. We were up till nearly dawn talking about this. And for the rest of the summer, stick with me for the rest of the summer. That's all we did. We'd be driving. We'd be walking down Goat Creek Road, busting beer bottles and shit, just killing time. And we said, tell us about the girl again. Cause I've seen the playboys himself. I mean, I, you know, I, you know, I see that, but I come on and tell us about the girl again. And he said, well, you know, we ended up, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's a very beginning when you first walked in. I want to know everything about this thing called sex. I got no experience. I want as much knowledge about this because I'm going to, one of these days I'm going to get lucky and I need to know what I, okay. That winter I'm in a food business, right? And there's this, there's this hefty little pantry girl that worked in back there. And I don't know if they paid her or what, but she, she had
[00:50:03]
mercy on me. We worked the deal. Everybody's got to do it the first time sometime. It's just like the cocaine, you know, there's a learning curve there. There's a learning curve. I worked a deal with a guy, one of my best friends, he's going to drive a station wagon. Me and her, we're going to get in the back of the station wagon. And she was going to show me the ropes. She was going to tell me how to show you the deal. And so we went out, drove out 20 miles the other side of town. Didn't take long, drove back 20 miles. I mean, boom, boom, boom. Now listen, now here's the point I want to make. And the guy lets me out on Gold Creek road in front of my house and I'm standing in the middle of this road and it's colder than hell outside. And he got a big full moon up there. And I'm, man, ah, and I marched right straight. I could have, my house is over here. His house is over here. I look at my house and I says, no, I got to get this stuff straight now.
And I went right straight to his house and I woke his ass up and I said, Eddard, we got to talk. He said, buddy, I'm sleeping. We'll talk in the morning. He said, no, we got to out lots of shit. You know what I mean? What's up with that smell for Christ's sake? What is this? What did it ask? I should hope my mama don't hear this thing. But I was freaked out. One minute I had a lot of knowledge about this thing. I could tell you how it works.
And the next minute I got some experience. Now, which one do you want to talk to? You know, you want to know the experience. You find somebody that's had the experience, right? That's the same problem we're having in this fellowship right now. We've got a lot of people around the periphery who are here taking up seats, drinking the coffee, talking, but they're not having the same experience we are. And so some little new guy comes in and says, no, I want to do the work and starts doing the work. And he gets excited about this deal and he begins to have a spiritual experience and everybody in the place wants to shoot his ass down.
Oh, you're working those steps way too fast. Unbelievable. Oh, you can't possibly have had a spiritual experience that quick. Oh yeah. Oh, who, who died and left you God? We just talked about the co-founders having it within a week, but it was good enough for Bill and Dr. Bob, you know, got him out of work, stockbroker and a butt doctor for Christ's sake. But, but for us, we're just going to guys, we keep mixing the therapy back in there.
Listen, folks, I got to tell you two weeks into this fellowship, I had a spiritual experience and the desire to drink and drug left me and it's not returned in 12 years. Briefly, let me just tell you straight. I still work on lots of other issues. My little stepson and me, we've had, we've locked some horns and I don't know, still know much about it. And a little kid, I got to tell you, I love him dearly and we're getting better, but I see a therapist around that. You with me? I got some issues that I need to deal with. Therapy is Primo. Get it. If you can get it, those things do take some time to work through, but the steps you can work founding man, like the book said, one of the things that we see around the fellowship so much is that we don't see too many people that are desperate. Your ass is on fire when you get here and we help you put it out and then you go play, but we don't have anybody to reel you back in again. You see? And that's the problem. We don't want to piss anybody off. You know, you can't keep the crack addict sober. No, you can't, but you can, God damn sure, tell him the truth. You can tell him the truth. You can tell him that the shenanigans he's pulling, that it's not okay that he missed the meeting, that it's not okay. He showed up late, but it absolutely is not okay that he's not working the steps. You can tell him that it's no, it's not okay that he goes out and buys a new car when he's got all these goddamn demands hanging over his head back over here. And when it comes time to do the H and I and get the committee and he's, he's the last is not around. So it is your responsibility to tell him, no, you will be around or you go find someplace else to play. If you want to die, that's your business. I just don't want to watch it. I just don't want to watch it. Let me tell you what's happening. And I call it synonymous right now. And I don't want to see the same thing. In fact, this fellowship, I had 65 years to screw it up. Folks were 18, buddy. We're, we're, we're in our infancy. Let's turn the tide now and not make the same mistakes. About four or five, nine, a couple of months ago, had a little newsletter. They, they came out with a great little article about intergroups. One of the articles in the interview says Scott talks about, he says it takes sometimes, you don't know what interviews are. They're little clearing houses. You know, you call intergroup. If you want somebody to go do a 12 step meeting, that's it. He said, sometimes it takes up to 20 calls to find an alcoholic willing to go to do a 12 step call. Guys, we just got to get straight here. We got to
[00:55:08]
get on the same page. The book says in Bill's story that unless I grow spiritually through work and self-sacrifice for others, I cannot stay sober through the certain trials and low spots ahead. Guys, I mean, let's just get straight with it. Do you think for a second that your life is going to get perfect? When you get sober, we're still going to have troubles, but you can get through that with grace and dignity. If you're out there carrying the torch, helping other alcoholics and addicts get sober.
That was bill Wilson, dr. Bob's legacy to us. Bill Wilson couldn't say sober. Got told to dr. Bob. They say sober together. They found alcoholic number three, number four, number five. Look at this room. Okay. But how did you get here? You brought here for somebody reached out a hand and helped you, right? So we got to get straight. So we got to get straight. What are you doing today to help the alcoholic and the drug addict get sober? Are you going to a couple of meetings a day and sitting on the back and leaving early and coming late and just basically going to a meeting and chopping off another one?
Let me just tell you something, folks. You're not helping anybody when you do that. I appreciate you being in the meeting, but you've got to get straight. The meeting makers aren't making it. The people out there on the firing line of life helping other alcoholics and addicts get sober are making it. God, if we had a solution for AIDS right here, how many people do you think would be kicking their butts to try to get up here to get it? But I got to tell you this, folks, I've done a lot of things and I'm not putting down AIDS and I'm not pleased. It's a terrible illness, but I got to tell you, I run a little store at this treatment center and I get to watch the cats come in. You don't have to tell me the men and women who are crack addicts that come into that facility. You don't have to tell me. I can see it on their face and they'll walk in and they won't look me in the face. They'll look down at the floor right in front of the register and ask me the questions because they can't look me in the face because there's a goddamn burn by the street. They've been in the houses. They've done what they had to do to get the drug. They're so full of shame and guilt. They can't stand it. They want to die. And we got the solution and we got the absolute guaranteed solution, but we won't share it with anybody because we're too goddamn afraid about what somebody next to us is going to say. We got to take this fellowship and run with it, folks, because this is the only thing that's going to save us. Cocaine Anonymous. We've got the literature.
We know what we need to do. We go into goddamn meetings and listen to people talk about all the escapades and how much crack they smoked and how many times they got fucked and this and the other. If you think it was so much fun, don't do it again. We don't have time for that. We don't have time for that. There's a place to share those war stories. I can assure you in our meetings, it's not. I've said it a thousand times. Come early before if you want to share that shit. Come late. Stay late. Go to fucking Denny's if you want to, but don't for an hour time in our fellowship, let's talk about God in the steps. If you're having trouble, folks, don't think I'm making fun of you. Let me get this straight. I'm going to let you guys go. Please. I'm talking to a room full of people and every one of you from the best looking woman in this place to the homeliest guy. You've got, we've got some of you in here. I guarantee you every single one of you have got problems and I'm not making fun of any of those, but I'm going to tell you this. We, as a fellowship, don't know what you need to do with those problems. We are not equipped for that. We are not professionals.
We do know how you can get connected to the power of God and God does know what you need need to do with that. I don't know if you need to stay in that relationship. I don't know if you need to move. I don't know if you need to go back to school. I don't know if you need to get that job. I don't know what you need to do. I do know that if you get connected to God and prayer and meditation in the morning, God will tell you exactly what you need to know.
That's my experience. It's on page 49 folks. We're supposed to be the spearhead of God's ever advancing creation. We're the strongest people on earth. You can, you give me a cocaine addict and I'll show you somebody that can do it. You know, absolutely. We've been through the shitter. We've been And we have been tempered by fire, for Christ's sake. What we have to do is direct that energy and direct that power into what God wants us to do.
And I've got to tell you something, folks, we will change this world. It's a given. But if you don't want to be a part, that's cool, too. If you think all this fellowship is about is a place to come piss and moan about your goddamn problems,
[01:00:01]
you've missed it. You've missed the boat. Here's what you do. If you haven't had a spiritual experience, you find a sponsor that has had a spiritual experience, and you start doing the work. And I can guarantee you within a very short period of time You will have your own spiritual experience at the same time actively start working with other alcoholics I were a week or two days, whatever. It's your time right now If you're a week sober, I can promise you we've got a couple over here that are less than six days Sober, you know get your ass over here and tell them how to stay sober Come on come on Pull him with a vision pull him with a vision The book says that we have a new employer a third step prayer because God's gonna remove your difficulty All you got to do is get off your butt and do what you said you'd do for God Be an instrument of his divine guidance Do you be a willing instrument?
You don't have to come up and speak from the podium if you don't want to if you want to get on an H and I Get on a service committee do do do something. I don't tell you God will use you and the miracle will take place I'm sitting there in that a a meeting after I got sober and I had that spiritual experience and I'm looking around says God I don't understand it. I got that good-looking woman waiting for me out in the lobby. Where in the hell did she come from?
Yeah with me all of a sudden the money started coming in and the financial stuff started getting taken care of and guys The the spiritual experience is there to change you at a cellular level It is it is so so profound when it takes place and you guys know exactly what I'm talking about But it's like helping others that we get to keep it if you're in a bad place tonight I heard Tommy tell a lady last night sitting back in a corner. She's in a bad place. She's lonely She's just go find an alcoholic to work with. She's she did this thing. She just walked away That's not what you wanted in here. You want somebody to sit there and validate her bullshit?
I Know you're lonely. I know you're full of guilt. I know you're full of shame You want to know how to get past it work the steps go find somebody I can promise you you can find somebody here That's in worse shape than you are You go do that guys and I guarantee you God's grace will blow you out of the water I've said it every time I'm spoke close I'm going to tell you what God's done in my life when it makes me weep when I think about it And I know I I don't have a perfect life. I still got some problems, but I got to tell you folks I ride bicycles. I put all the cocaine I was supposed to do and all the bone stuff in my little heart I'm not supposed to be doing any of that and God's taking me past that and allowed me to do that I'm so painfully shy that when I get to ask to speak I puked for months before it up Just like they asked me that I had everybody there's some of us great you cute yet. Uh-huh. I did I don't like to do this. I don't want to do this. This is God's stuff. This is God's stuff God Wants you happy Joyce and free and God's grace falls evenly on every one of you and that means God wants you in a great healthy relationship And that means God wants you having some money in your pocket and a credit card So you can come to these kind of conferences you hear me That's a fact. I'm so sick and tired of everybody looking the other way and letting everybody off the hook If you're not happy folks, it's because you've walked away from this deal or you're not doing the things necessary to get connected You can You One last thing I'm over They don't go up get a cup of coffee and shake their head. They say excuse me. Just a minute Excuse me. We'll talk about that happy horse shit later Right now though I'd like to tell you about a little miracle that took place in my life You know and the newcomers gonna catch hold of this and say yeah, that's what this is about This is a place where you go share the good stuff. Not the bad stuff. Yes, that's what we need I'll say it again and in with it God's grace falls evenly on all of us folks A is a spiritual program whereby we get connected to God a a cocaine anonymous is not therapy It's a life-changing event I know some of you don't agree with that You You're gonna get dunked anyway brother Because if you haven't put two and two together and realize that you're the most selfish self-centered son-of-a-gun and it's selfishness and self-centered It's what what finds me what what holds me away from God. I got to get out of myself You know, I it just blows me well I've got to talk about that relationship if I don't Know what you got to do is talk about the newcomer that just walked in the room. It's still Shaken from the pipe Yes, yes And then right after the meeting we're going to go to Denny's and I want to hear all about that relationship Because listen folks I did It's men in this fellowship that taught me to be the businessman that I am today
[01:05:03]
Everything that I have good in my life today comes from the fellowship of a and cocaine anonymous everything everything But we don't talk about it in our meetings in the meetings we talk about God in the steps I love every one of you. Thank you so much You