Transcript

[00:00:04.280 – 00:00:08.940] Thank you, Erskine, for those kind words before the meeting. [00:00:08.940 – 00:00:21.660] Last year, I talked at the Tennessee State Convention by accident, and [00:00:21.660 – 00:00:23.460] I apologized. [00:00:23.460 – 00:00:30.920] This year is no accident, and I have no apologies. [00:00:30.920 – 00:00:35.140] You knew that before you came. [00:00:35.140 – 00:00:45.740] I wondered why that they asked me to talk up here, and [00:00:45.740 – 00:00:47.040] I think I know. [00:00:47.040 – 00:00:49.949] It doesn't cost much for me to come up here.

[00:00:49.949 – 00:01:01.240] But all joking aside, they [00:01:01.240 – 00:01:08.220] have heard me four or five times a year for the past thirteen years. [00:01:08.220 – 00:01:10.470] Mm-hmm. [00:01:10.470 – 00:01:14.880] And I know they didn't invite me because they wanted to hear me talk. [00:01:14.880 – 00:01:24.460] And I can only hope that it's because they love me as much as I do them. [00:01:24.460 – 00:01:35.900] For [00:01:35.900 – 00:01:46.240] those of you who don't know me, my name is Pelham Green, and there's nothing anonymous about [00:01:46.240 – 00:01:46.540] it.

[00:01:46.540 – 00:01:53.560] I never had any anonymity when I drank. [00:01:53.560 – 00:01:58.900] The people who didn't see me, I called them up. [00:01:58.900 – 00:02:12.020] Several [00:02:12.020 – 00:02:22.640] years ago, since I've been in AA, I was invited to a city to talk, and [00:02:22.640 – 00:02:30.040] they told me that the meeting was at the parish house at the Episcopal Church. [00:02:30.040 – 00:02:34.460] And I didn't know exactly where it was. [00:02:34.460 – 00:02:41.580] So I stopped and asked a lady, and she gave me the directions. [00:02:41.580 – 00:03:01.380] And as I started off, she turned around and said, "They meet around at the back." So

[00:03:01.380 – 00:03:05.380] there's nothing anonymous about my being in AA. [00:03:05.380 – 00:03:15.540] Somewhere early in our life, we [00:03:15.540 – 00:03:18.880] all must form a philosophy of life. [00:03:18.880 – 00:03:27.740] And on that philosophy depends our success or our fate. [00:03:27.740 – 00:03:37.760] In order for that philosophy to be a success, it must contain three things, [00:03:37.760 – 00:03:42.140] faith, hope, and charity. [00:03:42.140 – 00:03:52.240] If it doesn't contain those things, we sink into an abyss of degradation [00:03:52.240 – 00:04:00.580] and despair from which few return and many never.

[00:04:00.580 – 00:04:05.220] I know because I am one of those people. [00:04:05.220 – 00:04:12.800] As Erskine told you, I was born and reared in a small town. [00:04:12.800 – 00:04:23.360] Alcohol, I can remember almost from the day I can remember. [00:04:23.360 – 00:04:28.830] My family was a family of doctors. [00:04:28.830 – 00:04:34.040] Every one of them alcoholics. [00:04:34.040 – 00:04:41.700] Brilliant doctors and surgeons who ruined their whole life with whiskey. [00:04:41.700 – 00:04:49.400] Except back in those days, I never heard the word alcoholic. [00:04:49.400 – 00:04:52.540] They were just plain drunks.

[00:04:52.540 – 00:05:02.880] I can remember when I was a small child, when my mother heard that one of my uncles was coming, [00:05:02.880 – 00:05:12.260] she hid all of the camphor and the vanilla extract- -and the pieroni. [00:05:12.260 – 00:05:22.440] And that was [00:05:22.440 – 00:05:29.940] in the days before people had become enlightened enough to know that all that was good to drink. [00:05:29.940 – 00:05:38.560] So my earliest remembrance was of alcohol. [00:05:38.560 – 00:05:48.200] And I grew up hating and detesting the very thought of alcohol. [00:05:48.200 – 00:05:58.520] And had anyone have told me that I someday would be an alcoholic, I [00:05:58.520 – 00:06:00.340] would have thought they were crazy.

[00:06:00.340 – 00:06:10.472] I think my childhood was as most normal children, except I, uh, [00:06:10.472 – 00:06:13.132] lost my mother at the age of nine. [00:06:13.132 – 00:06:23.412] A fact that I resented through my entire early life, that my mother died [00:06:23.412 – 00:06:26.652] and other people's mother lived. [00:06:26.652 – 00:06:35.072] I had a hard time getting through high school. [00:06:35.072 – 00:06:46.372] After going one year, I decided that I knew enough, so [00:06:46.372 – 00:06:48.352] I joined the carnival. [00:06:48.352 – 00:06:59.452] And when my father found me after two years and

[00:06:59.452 – 00:07:05.032] brought me home, he ruined a very promising career. [00:07:05.032 – 00:07:16.832] I had worked myself way, my way up to barker in our wardrobe. [00:07:16.832 – 00:07:27.032] But he brought me back home, and I got interested in football [00:07:27.032 – 00:07:30.392] and finished high school. [00:07:30.392 – 00:07:40.392] In high school, I received an injury that didn't bother me [00:07:40.392 – 00:07:46.772] very much at that time, but which was to play a great part in my life. [00:07:46.772 – 00:07:56.812] Now, in high school, I drank whiskey two times, and both [00:07:56.812 – 00:07:58.592] times I got in trouble.

[00:07:58.592 – 00:08:02.932] I got drunk from the beginning. [00:08:02.932 – 00:08:11.311] The first time I drank a whiskey was one afternoon after a football game. [00:08:11.311 – 00:08:21.432] One of the boys whose father was county commissioner had brought a half a gallon of live [00:08:21.432 – 00:08:22.592] whiskey with him. [00:08:22.592 – 00:08:29.752] And he, and we went after the game and drank that whiskey. [00:08:29.752 – 00:08:34.792] And he also had a case of dynamite in the truck. [00:08:34.792 – 00:08:40.902] And I blew up the outdoor toilet with the dynamite. [00:08:40.902 – 00:08:50.932] And they told me they could do without me for

[00:08:50.932 – 00:08:52.312] the rest of that year. [00:08:52.312 – 00:09:02.622] The next time I drank any whiskey, I happened to be passing the city jail one Saturday [00:09:02.622 – 00:09:06.632] night, and it was full of drunks. [00:09:06.632 – 00:09:16.532] And as I felt very sorry for them and knew where the key was, I turned them all out. [00:09:16.532 – 00:09:26.672] And only the fact that my father was mayor at the time [00:09:26.672 – 00:09:30.072] kept me from being in serious trouble. [00:09:30.072 – 00:09:41.692] I think that those two times must have frightened me just a little, because [00:09:41.692 – 00:09:44.212] I didn't drink anymore in college.

[00:09:44.212 – 00:09:54.292] But after coming out of college, I came back home and married a [00:09:54.292 – 00:10:01.212] childhood sweetheart and went to work for an automobile concern. [00:10:01.212 – 00:10:05.572] And that was in the early days of the Depression. [00:10:05.572 – 00:10:11.522] And it soon became my job to try to col- [00:10:11.673 – 00:10:12.593] Collect money. [00:10:12.593 – 00:10:17.553] Well, nobody had any money at that time. [00:10:17.553 – 00:10:27.713] But back during the days of '28 and '29, we had had two alcoholic salesmen, [00:10:27.713 – 00:10:35.973] and they had sold every moonshiner and bootlegger on Sand Mountain an automobile.

[00:10:35.973 – 00:10:39.293] And they still owed for 'em. [00:10:39.293 – 00:10:48.193] Now, I didn't collect much money, but I collected a lot of whiskey. [00:10:48.193 – 00:10:59.813] And I don't think it was very long until I passed over the line from [00:10:59.813 – 00:11:02.113] social into compulsion drink. [00:11:02.113 – 00:11:12.113] I began to go out on Monday, and sometimes they would have to come after me on [00:11:12.113 – 00:11:12.693] Saturday. [00:11:12.693 – 00:11:19.333] And sometimes they'd be two weeks finding me if I was hid good enough. [00:11:19.333 – 00:11:29.513] Now, my wife was always a very unreasonable woman.

[00:11:29.513 – 00:11:38.212] And I couldn't explain to her why that I was gone all the time. [00:11:38.212 – 00:11:48.213] And, uh, things around home wasn't too happy, and I didn't see that she had any reason [00:11:48.213 – 00:11:51.573] to, to even argue about it. [00:11:51.573 – 00:12:00.253] My father was looking after her, and she had plenty to eat, and I didn't worry about it. [00:12:00.253 – 00:12:04.333] During… [00:12:04.333 – 00:12:14.953] Along about this time, the man whom I was working for didn't have the money to pay me, and [00:12:14.953 – 00:12:25.893] I devised a scheme that I would collect whiskey on what they owed him, and [00:12:25.893 – 00:12:29.513] I'd sell the whiskey and pay myself what he owed me.

[00:12:29.513 – 00:12:38.973] So I went out and got twenty gallons. [00:12:38.973 – 00:12:49.453] And I brought it back and sold it to a bootlegger right above town at two dollars [00:12:49.453 – 00:12:50.153] a gallon. [00:12:50.153 – 00:12:54.073] And he didn't have the money to pay me. [00:12:54.073 – 00:12:59.173] He told me I'd have to wait until he sold it. [00:12:59.173 – 00:13:09.233] During the time he was selling it, I was going back and forth buying whiskey at fifty [00:13:09.233 – 00:13:10.433] cents a pint. [00:13:10.433 – 00:13:16.213] When I went to settle up, I already made dollars.

[00:13:16.213 – 00:13:33.233] That [00:13:33.233 – 00:13:36.833] was my only experience in the bootlegging game. [00:13:36.833 – 00:13:47.263] But now, all this time, my wife was getting more unreasonable. [00:13:47.263 – 00:13:57.493] I came home one night and I found a note saying that she'd gone home [00:13:57.493 – 00:14:01.953] and if I wanted her to come back. [00:14:01.953 – 00:14:11.073] Well, I loved my wife very much, and I stayed sober one whole day. [00:14:11.073 – 00:14:20.813] And I went out and told her if she'd come back, I'd never take another drink. [00:14:20.813 – 00:14:23.273] That was on Monday.

[00:14:23.273 – 00:14:33.313] On Tuesday, the man whom I'd been working for in the automobile business was running for [00:14:33.313 – 00:14:43.853] Judge of Probate, and he asked me if I would go out on the mountain and get a man and his wife and his sister [00:14:43.853 – 00:14:47.153] and bring them into town to vote. [00:14:47.153 – 00:14:50.333] And I told him I would. [00:14:50.333 – 00:15:00.493] Well, the man's dead now, and I don't think he ever knew it, but he lost four votes that [00:15:00.493 – 00:15:00.953] day. [00:15:00.953 – 00:15:10.053] None of us got into town until almost a week after the election. [00:15:10.053 – 00:15:16.793] This time, I found another note.

[00:15:16.793 – 00:15:26.773] And after studying it over, I decided she was becoming too contrary to live with anyway. [00:15:26.773 – 00:15:35.833] And I knew that the day would come when she would regret ever leaving me. [00:15:35.833 – 00:15:45.993] And much to my surprise, I see her on the street occasionally, and she seems to be doing [00:15:45.993 – 00:15:49.673] all right. [00:15:49.673 – 00:15:58.393] But after she left, I quit even pretending to work. [00:15:58.393 – 00:16:04.613] And I stayed drunk for the next year and a half every day. [00:16:04.613 – 00:16:10.553] My father put me on an allowance of… [00:16:10.553 – 00:16:13.833] He gave me two one dollar bills every morning.

[00:16:13.833 – 00:16:19.517] Whiskey for thirty-five cents a pint. [00:16:19.517 – 00:16:22.997] So I was making it just fine. [00:16:22.997 – 00:16:27.097] Finally, one day… [00:16:27.097 – 00:16:37.277] Now, during this time, they'd built a lot of things there that I didn't know anything about. [00:16:37.277 – 00:16:45.977] And if you knew my hometown, you, you would know how almost, how that sounds almost impossible. [00:16:45.977 – 00:16:47.737] But they had. [00:16:47.737 – 00:16:52.777] They built a new hotel, and I didn't know. [00:16:52.777 – 00:17:03.177] Well, now, this Sunday morning, I had started

[00:17:03.177 – 00:17:10.597] to get some home brew, and they'd built a tabernacle right on the road. [00:17:10.597 – 00:17:18.197] And they were having church there. [00:17:18.197 – 00:17:26.197] And some women came out and got me. [00:17:26.197 – 00:17:30.137] And I was too weak to resist. [00:17:30.137 – 00:17:36.157] So I went in. [00:17:36.157 – 00:17:46.857] And somehow, while I was there, I got the idea that maybe the [00:17:46.857 – 00:17:48.357] church would help me. [00:17:48.357 – 00:17:52.337] I knew that I needed some guidance.

[00:17:52.337 – 00:17:55.557] So I joined the church. [00:17:55.557 – 00:18:01.597] And I stayed sober for the longest period in twenty years. [00:18:01.597 – 00:18:05.417] I stayed sober that nine months. [00:18:05.417 – 00:18:14.857] The day they took me into the church, you would have thought it was a county fair. [00:18:14.857 – 00:18:18.057] Everybody was there. [00:18:18.057 – 00:18:22.437] And I resented that. [00:18:22.437 – 00:18:30.957] They had more people to take in, but they waited till the next Sunday and took me and Mama Self. [00:18:30.957 – 00:18:38.657] Well, it wasn't long till I was teaching a Sunday school class.

[00:18:38.657 – 00:18:43.597] And I wasn't fit to teach a Sunday school class. [00:18:43.597 – 00:18:48.457] The only difference in me was that I just wasn't drinking. [00:18:48.457 – 00:18:50.897] I wouldn't say I was sober. [00:18:50.897 – 00:18:53.037] I just wasn't drinking. [00:18:53.037 – 00:18:58.037] Then they made the greatest mistake that church has ever made. [00:18:58.037 – 00:19:01.517] They put me on the board of stewards. [00:19:01.517 – 00:19:06.677] And by that time, I was unhappy with everything. [00:19:06.677 – 00:19:09.337] I was wanting to get drunk.

[00:19:09.337 – 00:19:15.697] So I was against everything that came up, regardless of what it was. [00:19:15.697 – 00:19:21.177] And I didn't hesitate to get up and tell them I was against it. [00:19:21.177 – 00:19:24.657] I even wanted to cut the minister's salary. [00:19:24.657 – 00:19:31.806] And you can know how popular that made me. [00:19:31.806 – 00:19:41.397] When, when I got drunk and didn't come back, they were a very happy bunch of people. [00:19:41.397 – 00:19:48.397] They haven't asked me to this day to come back. [00:19:48.397 – 00:19:50.977] I've been back, but they didn't ask me. [00:19:50.977 – 00:20:01.117] But the only thing that I think I got out of that

[00:20:01.117 – 00:20:04.077] nine months, they tried to help me. [00:20:04.077 – 00:20:05.237] They honestly did. [00:20:05.237 – 00:20:08.637] I think they did, did everything they knew how. [00:20:08.637 – 00:20:12.457] And I appreciate it now. [00:20:12.457 – 00:20:21.377] But my father died during that nine months, happy, thinking that I would never drink anymore. [00:20:21.377 – 00:20:23.127] And when- [00:20:23.220 – 00:20:25.320] When he died, he left me enough. [00:20:25.320 – 00:20:31.720] Had I taken care of it, I would never have had to worry anymore.

[00:20:31.720 – 00:20:39.119] But six weeks after his death, I was drunk again. [00:20:39.119 – 00:20:46.900] And for the next year, I stayed drunk. [00:20:46.900 – 00:20:52.940] I was in jail as much as three times in one day. [00:20:52.940 – 00:21:02.980] I ran an account with the city, and I paid them off once a month, just like you'd [00:21:02.980 – 00:21:04.620] pay your grocery bill. [00:21:04.620 – 00:21:16.500] I finally decided they were imposing on me, and [00:21:16.500 – 00:21:21.600] I decided to leave town and never return again. [00:21:21.600 – 00:21:32.000] I made my sister a deed to all the property that I had and mailed it to her and left.

[00:21:32.000 – 00:21:36.640] I was drunk all over the world. [00:21:36.640 – 00:21:48.420] I smoked marijuana down on the border, and I tried opium in the dens of San Francisco, and [00:21:48.420 – 00:21:50.550] I stayed drunk all over Europe. [00:21:50.550 – 00:22:02.240] I finally wound up back in New York, and I wound up on the Bowery, making [00:22:02.240 – 00:22:06.760] the flophouses and the missions along the Bowery. [00:22:06.760 – 00:22:15.760] By that time, I was so full of fear that I was afraid of everything. [00:22:15.760 – 00:22:23.320] I had money at home in the bank, and I was afraid to wire for it. [00:22:23.320 – 00:22:33.080] I was afraid they wouldn't wire it or that I couldn't get the check cashed after I got it.

[00:22:33.080 – 00:22:43.200] Then one day, the man who ran the mission stopped me, and he got to talking to me, and he [00:22:43.200 – 00:22:48.280] helped me wire home and get enough money to go home. [00:22:48.280 – 00:22:55.760] I got home and started the same old pattern right over. [00:22:55.760 – 00:23:06.000] And the man whom I had done so much for to help elect probate judge [00:23:06.000 – 00:23:15.480] offered me a job as county accountant, a job I kept for the next three years. [00:23:15.480 – 00:23:19.560] I, I wouldn't say it was a job. [00:23:19.560 – 00:23:24.040] I stayed drunk that whole three years. [00:23:24.040 – 00:23:32.680] I carried a pint of whiskey to work with me every morning, just like most people carried their lunch.

[00:23:32.680 – 00:23:42.680] And it got to where every time I got up and left the desk, the sheriff would search my desk [00:23:42.680 – 00:23:49.640] to pour out the whiskey till I got smart enough to hide it in his office. [00:23:49.640 – 00:23:59.680] I made out [00:23:59.680 – 00:24:09.080] all the county checks, and it got to where about three days before payday, they went to hunting me. [00:24:09.080 – 00:24:14.120] And I got very unpopular with the bootleggers. [00:24:14.120 – 00:24:18.880] They didn't want the sheriff come running in hunting me. [00:24:18.880 – 00:24:28.880] And the only way I could get whiskey was to just stick out my hand and get it as I went by. [00:24:28.880 – 00:24:30.760] They wouldn't let me stop.

[00:24:30.760 – 00:24:35.320] And that made me mad. [00:24:35.320 – 00:24:40.879] And the Board of Revenue hadn't been too happy with me anyhow. [00:24:40.879 – 00:24:45.839] And there I was mad, and they'd already been mad. [00:24:45.839 – 00:24:50.500] So this was in the beginning of the war. [00:24:50.500 – 00:25:00.640] And I decided that I'd do them a great harm, that I'd just volunteer for service, [00:25:00.640 – 00:25:04.840] never thinking I'd be accepted. [00:25:04.840 – 00:25:07.640] And I did. [00:25:07.640 – 00:25:12.820] And much to dis– my disappointment, I was accepted.

[00:25:12.820 – 00:25:22.820] And I know the Board of Revenue breathed a breath of relief because the recommendation [00:25:22.820 – 00:25:25.550] they gave me, Franklin D. [00:25:25.550 – 00:25:27.920] Roosevelt would have been proud of. [00:25:27.920 – 00:25:37.340] They was gonna be sure I didn't come back. [00:25:37.340 – 00:25:46.100] But I had really found what I was looking for. [00:25:46.100 – 00:25:54.000] I was out doing army installations, and I wasn't anywhere too long. [00:25:54.000 – 00:26:00.440] And nobody knew what I was doing, and I didn't either. [00:26:00.440 – 00:26:12.300] But I managed to get in some kind of reports, and I didn't have any trouble except

[00:26:12.300 – 00:26:15.620] when they'd move me from one place to the other. [00:26:15.620 – 00:26:20.840] I would be anywhere from three days to two weeks late. [00:26:20.840 – 00:26:31.000] And the telephone bills I ran up calling in to tell them why [00:26:31.000 – 00:26:37.670] I hadn't got there Would have gone a long ways towards winning the war, did. [00:26:37.670 – 00:26:47.710] I remember once, with two hours to wait betw-between trains in Atlanta, I [00:26:47.710 – 00:26:55.670] hired a Negro and a rolling jerk, and we went down in the back alley after some whiskey. [00:26:55.670 – 00:27:04.970] For the next three days, I stayed in that rolling jerk. [00:27:04.970 – 00:27:11.030] He had a brother who took over the second shift.

[00:27:11.030 – 00:27:21.190] For three days, invariably, [00:27:21.190 – 00:27:28.170] fifteen minutes after every train left, here we came rushing into the station. [00:27:28.170 – 00:27:38.630] Finally, in exasperation, the station master in busy wartime [00:27:38.630 – 00:27:43.530] held a train fifteen minutes to get me on. [00:27:43.530 – 00:27:52.850] But he put me on the wrong train. [00:27:52.850 – 00:28:02.890] We went up the road about twenty miles, [00:28:02.890 – 00:28:07.980] and they put me off on another train back into Atlanta. [00:28:07.980 – 00:28:18.190] When I walked through the gates of the station, the station master took off his cap

[00:28:18.190 – 00:28:43.269] and threw it down on the floor and said, "Hell, I quit." I [00:28:43.269 – 00:28:53.550] finally managed to make it on up to Old Bridge, where whiskey was really beginning to catch up with me, and [00:28:53.550 – 00:28:56.110] I wound up in the hospital there. [00:28:56.110 – 00:29:04.390] And I think I can honestly say that the army doctor never did know what was wrong with me. [00:29:04.390 – 00:29:14.510] And he suggested that I take an indefinite leave of absence and go home and rest. [00:29:14.510 – 00:29:17.730] And I did. [00:29:17.730 – 00:29:25.640] I lived exactly three blocks from the bus station. [00:29:25.640 – 00:29:33.810] And the day I got home, it took me three weeks to get from the bus station home.

[00:29:33.810 – 00:29:43.810] I stayed there [00:29:43.810 – 00:29:45.350] drunk for a whole summer. [00:29:45.350 – 00:29:51.630] And again, I decided the environment was causing me to drink. [00:29:51.630 – 00:30:00.930] So I went to Charlotte, North Carolina, and I almost at once got another job there. [00:30:00.930 – 00:30:05.070] I never had any trouble getting jobs. [00:30:05.070 – 00:30:06.610] Keeping them was my trouble. [00:30:06.610 – 00:30:13.030] You know, I always liked new places. [00:30:13.030 – 00:30:23.170] For the first month or two, you could be gone on Monday and Tuesday, and everybody really

[00:30:23.170 – 00:30:24.950] believed you was sick. [00:30:24.950 – 00:30:34.559] But there's always some smart aleck- -that sticks his nose in your business. [00:30:35.667 – 00:30:36.787] And then you've had it. [00:30:36.787 – 00:30:41.787] And then I began to having trouble. [00:30:41.787 – 00:30:51.807] One morning, I went into a cafe so nervous that I couldn't even hold a cup of [00:30:51.807 – 00:30:52.587] coffee. [00:30:52.587 – 00:31:02.747] And a man sitting next to me said, "What's wrong with you?" And I said, "I've had a long spell of sickness." [00:31:02.747 – 00:31:09.587] And he said, "I've got two capsules here.

[00:31:09.587 – 00:31:16.447] If you'll take these, you'll be all right." And I walked. [00:31:16.447 – 00:31:26.627] And I went to work, and I was so happy about [00:31:26.627 – 00:31:27.027] that. [00:31:27.027 – 00:31:32.747] I wondered why nobody had told me about goofballs before. [00:31:32.747 – 00:31:39.507] And I bought me a supply. [00:31:39.507 – 00:31:47.127] And I didn't have a bit of trouble getting to work. [00:31:47.127 – 00:31:50.087] I stayed there all day. [00:31:50.087 – 00:31:57.187] The only trouble I had, sometimes I'd miss the door.

[00:31:57.187 – 00:32:07.247] And I know once I missed the chair and sat down on the floor. [00:32:07.247 – 00:32:16.007] But I thought I was doing just fine. [00:32:16.007 – 00:32:26.197] Till one day I happened to be about halfway out of myself, and I couldn't [00:32:26.197 – 00:32:28.027] even read my own books. [00:32:28.027 – 00:32:33.487] So I had to get drunk to get off of the goofballs. [00:32:33.487 – 00:32:38.667] And that went on in Charlotte for three years. [00:32:38.667 – 00:32:48.807] And during that three years, every vacation that I had, every holiday, I [00:32:48.807 – 00:32:52.527] tried to come home, and I never made it.

[00:32:52.527 – 00:33:03.627] In the summer of nineteen and forty-seven, when I got my vacation, I [00:33:03.627 – 00:33:07.427] was determined that was one time I was gonna come home. [00:33:07.427 – 00:33:15.927] And I didn't take a drink till I got on the bus, but I had a fifth with me. [00:33:15.927 – 00:33:26.187] The next morning when I woke up, I knew by the smell that I was in jail somewhere [00:33:26.187 – 00:33:26.787] again. [00:33:26.787 – 00:33:36.987] I finally got the jailer to the door, and he said I fell off of the bus in Murphy, [00:33:36.987 – 00:33:38.087] North Carolina. [00:33:38.087 – 00:33:48.527] And I told him that I was very sick

[00:33:48.527 – 00:33:53.167] and asked him if he would get the city judge to come down. [00:33:53.167 – 00:33:55.347] And he said he would. [00:33:55.347 – 00:34:05.527] When the judge came down, I told him some few weeks before that, that I'd [00:34:05.527 – 00:34:12.927] been in a very serious automobile accident, and I only had a short time to live. [00:34:12.927 – 00:34:22.747] And they told me if I take a few drinks along the road, I might live to get home. [00:34:22.747 – 00:34:30.347] And I must have convinced that man, for he sent out and got me a pint of whiskey. [00:34:30.347 – 00:34:40.087] And when I left Murphy that night, I was much drunker than I was when I came in. [00:34:40.087 – 00:34:48.387] And I know they'll always wonder why I went back towards Charlotte instead of coming home.

[00:34:48.387 – 00:34:58.627] On the next Christmas, I was making [00:34:58.627 – 00:35:00.827] an audience in Richmond, Virginia. [00:35:00.827 – 00:35:09.647] And I finished up on the twenty-third day of December, and I was coming home that night. [00:35:09.647 – 00:35:19.827] As I started back to my hotel, it had been raining that day, and it was turning into sleet and snow. [00:35:19.827 – 00:35:24.707] And I happened to pass a whiskey store. [00:35:24.707 – 00:35:34.767] And I thought, "Well, they'd be expecting me to bring them some whiskey home when I come." And I went in, and I bought three [00:35:34.767 – 00:35:36.067] fifths of whiskey. [00:35:36.067 – 00:35:46.787] And back in the hotel room, changing, looking out at that ice and snow, I

[00:35:46.787 – 00:35:49.427] decided at least I would do a drink. [00:35:49.427 – 00:35:53.877] So I took three drinks that I remember. [00:35:53.877 – 00:36:04.647] The next morning when I woke up and looked out the window, the birds were singing, [00:36:04.647 – 00:36:11.227] the sun was shining, and the palm trees were green. [00:36:11.227 – 00:36:22.886] And I thought, "Well, I played hell with them." [00:36:22.886 – 00:36:28.807] They'd been telling me I was gonna die. [00:36:28.807 – 00:36:38.759] But had I stopped and thought- There would have been no birds where I'd have been. [00:36:38.759 – 00:36:42.899] And there no sun shining.

[00:36:42.899 – 00:36:52.179] I finally called down, and they said, "You're in Miami, Florida. [00:36:52.179 – 00:37:02.179] You came in on the plane last night." I made up my mind then and there that I would never [00:37:02.179 – 00:37:03.419] get home again. [00:37:03.419 – 00:37:09.479] There was no use in my even trying. [00:37:09.479 – 00:37:14.639] That I was gonna quit work. [00:37:14.639 – 00:37:19.719] I wasn't gonna do anything, and just let nature take its course. [00:37:19.719 – 00:37:23.779] I finally got back to Charlotte. [00:37:23.779 – 00:37:28.619] I didn't call up and tell them I wasn't coming back to work.

[00:37:28.619 – 00:37:30.599] I didn't tell them anything. [00:37:30.599 – 00:37:40.639] For the next four months, I did enough public accounting to [00:37:40.639 – 00:37:41.899] buy whiskey with. [00:37:41.899 – 00:37:47.489] And I had quit eating a long time ago, so that didn't bother me. [00:37:47.489 – 00:37:57.639] And I owed the man at the hotel so much, he was afraid to say anything to me, afraid he never would get it. [00:37:57.639 – 00:38:07.879] Once during this four months, I woke up in the home of a drunken [00:38:07.879 – 00:38:09.779] dentist friend of mine. [00:38:09.779 – 00:38:19.939] I'd had lots of hangovers, but I never felt as bad in my life as I did

[00:38:19.939 – 00:38:20.739] that morning. [00:38:20.739 – 00:38:29.159] Finally, after I examined myself, I found out I didn't have any teeth. [00:38:29.159 – 00:38:56.039] His [00:38:56.039 – 00:39:03.359] wife finally told me that the night before I'd complained of a toothache. [00:39:03.359 – 00:39:14.499] That every time he'd pull one, I'd say that wasn't the right [00:39:14.499 – 00:39:15.639] one. [00:39:15.639 – 00:39:24.319] And finally, we pulled so many, we decided to just well pull the rest. [00:39:24.319 – 00:39:35.399] And she said that

[00:39:35.399 – 00:39:43.659] we had a half a gallon fruit jar of white whiskey, and that both of us was drinking out of it. [00:39:43.659 – 00:39:49.299] And she said you couldn't tell whether it was blood or whiskey. [00:39:49.299 – 00:39:57.799] And that she had been sick all night long. [00:39:57.799 – 00:40:03.799] And she was packing her clothes and leaving. [00:40:03.799 – 00:40:09.339] And she did. [00:40:09.339 – 00:40:12.559] And she hasn't ever been back. [00:40:12.559 – 00:40:20.679] Well, we spent the next week making me some more teeth crowns. [00:40:20.679 – 00:40:34.599] Finally,

[00:40:34.599 – 00:40:44.679] in April of that year, the man whom I'd been working for called me and asked me if [00:40:44.679 – 00:40:46.188] I would come out and make out- [00:40:46.393 – 00:40:50.033] Some final report, and I did. [00:40:50.033 – 00:40:54.913] And he asked me if I would like to have my job back. [00:40:54.913 – 00:40:59.873] And for the first time in my life, I was honest. [00:40:59.873 – 00:41:04.053] I told the man that I was a hopeless drunk. [00:41:04.053 – 00:41:08.633] There was no use in my taking the job that I couldn't hold. [00:41:08.633 – 00:41:19.153] He said, "Bo, I'll tell you what I'll do." He said, "My brother was just like you." Said,

[00:41:19.153 – 00:41:26.713] "He went to something down here they call AA, and he hasn't had a drink in five years. [00:41:26.713 – 00:41:37.073] Will you go down there?" And I said, "Yes, I'll go." So I went to an AA meeting, [00:41:37.073 – 00:41:40.753] but I drank a half a pint of whiskey before I went. [00:41:40.753 – 00:41:48.753] When I walked into the club room that night, I imagine there was two hundred people there. [00:41:48.753 – 00:42:00.023] People whom I'd seen in the gutter, and there were doctors and lawyers that I knew, and [00:42:00.023 – 00:42:01.593] they were all happy. [00:42:01.593 – 00:42:07.653] And I knew immediately that they were all drunk. [00:42:07.653 – 00:42:14.413] Because I couldn't understand anybody being sober and happy.

[00:42:14.413 – 00:42:18.413] Well, you know, I enjoyed that meeting. [00:42:18.413 – 00:42:26.653] They even called on me, and I got up and talked some. [00:42:26.653 – 00:42:36.733] The next morning, the man who carried me to the meeting called [00:42:36.733 – 00:42:47.373] me and said there was a girl staying in the hotel I was in that had called in and asked me for help, asked for help, and [00:42:47.373 – 00:42:49.953] asked me would I go around and talk to her. [00:42:49.953 – 00:42:53.013] And I told him I'd be glad to. [00:42:53.013 – 00:42:57.033] There I was, about drunk. [00:42:57.033 – 00:43:07.053] I didn't know anything about AA, but I got that girl sober, and I got myself

[00:43:07.053 – 00:43:07.353] sober. [00:43:07.353 – 00:43:09.893] We both got in jail. [00:43:09.893 – 00:43:29.033] The [00:43:29.033 – 00:43:38.853] next morning, when my boss came down to get me out, I told him to hell with AA. [00:43:38.853 – 00:43:45.472] I had never had any trouble getting in jail by myself. [00:43:45.472 – 00:43:56.282] Without [00:43:56.282 – 00:43:57.273] any help. [00:43:57.273 – 00:44:03.553] So he said, "Well, I have one more suggestion.

[00:44:03.553 – 00:44:09.193] I have a very good friend here who is a psychiatrist. [00:44:09.193 – 00:44:16.653] Will you go down and talk to him?" And I told him I would. [00:44:16.653 – 00:44:20.943] So I went down, and I questioned the psychiatrist. [00:44:20.943 – 00:44:31.053] After a long study, he came up with the fact [00:44:31.053 – 00:44:37.213] that I was a dipsomaniac with a schizophrenic tendency. [00:44:37.213 – 00:44:42.673] Now, I didn't know what in the hell that meant. [00:44:42.673 – 00:44:46.893] But I was proud of it. [00:44:46.893 – 00:45:00.693] I

[00:45:00.693 – 00:45:06.572] knew that anybody that had that much wrong with them was entitled to drink. [00:45:06.572 – 00:45:14.813] And then he suggested that I go to AA. [00:45:14.813 – 00:45:24.853] I said, "No, I've tried that." He said, "Well, the thing for you to do, sir, you've been running [00:45:24.853 – 00:45:26.253] all your life," and so on. [00:45:26.253 – 00:45:48.213] "The thing for you to do is to go home." I said, "Oh." "For [00:45:48.213 – 00:45:57.013] three years I've been trying to go home." So he called my boss. [00:45:57.013 – 00:46:03.713] And together they called a cab from my hometown to come after me. [00:46:03.713 – 00:46:06.513] And this time I got home.

[00:46:06.513 – 00:46:15.593] That summer, I stayed drunk all that summer, but I wasn't drinking much whiskey. [00:46:15.593 – 00:46:26.113] Whiskey was hard to get, and I was drinking vanilla extract, rubbing alcohol, [00:46:26.113 – 00:46:32.433] bay rum, just so it had said alcohol in it, that's as far as I went. [00:46:32.433 – 00:46:42.473] I know I met the minister at home on the street one day, and he said, "Bo, you invariably smell like [00:46:42.473 – 00:46:48.453] a mixture between a barbershop and a bakery." And that made me mad. [00:46:48.453 – 00:46:53.313] Well, now, I wasn't getting in jail this summer. [00:46:53.313 – 00:47:03.433] And the reason why I wasn't getting in jail, you had to go up a long flight of stairs to get in, and [00:47:03.433 – 00:47:05.093] I wouldn't walk.

[00:47:05.093 – 00:47:09.623] And I was also old as a one-armed. [00:47:09.623 – 00:47:14.273] And they didn't want to carry me up those steps. [00:47:14.273 – 00:47:24.473] I know once after I got sober, a man told me he was sitting in the car with the police one night, and [00:47:24.473 – 00:47:35.013] they saw me coming up the street, and one of them turned around to the other one and said, "Hell, let's get out from here." "Yonder [00:47:35.013 – 00:47:45.293] comes Paul." "If he gets in here, we never will get him [00:47:45.353 – 00:47:54.873] out." Well, now that's about the end of the line when they won't put you in jail. [00:47:54.873 – 00:48:01.233] So I decided that I'd just go to the asylum. [00:48:01.233 – 00:48:11.613] So I went up to the probate office and the girl came up, and I told her I wanted to take out papers

[00:48:11.613 – 00:48:13.113] for the insane asylum. [00:48:13.113 – 00:48:23.133] She said, "Certainly," and she went and got the papers and came back and said, "Now, who did you want these for?" I said, [00:48:23.133 – 00:48:28.093] "I want them for me." And she disappeared right quick. [00:48:28.093 – 00:48:39.833] And [00:48:39.833 – 00:48:45.293] it wasn't long till the sheriff came and got me and carried me home. [00:48:45.293 – 00:48:55.513] Now, when you can't get in jail and they won't have you in the insane asylum, you've just about had [00:48:55.513 – 00:48:55.533] it. [00:48:55.533 – 00:49:03.572] But I did manage to get in jail before the summer was over.

[00:49:03.572 – 00:49:10.293] And they gave me a ten-day jail sentence, of all things. [00:49:10.293 – 00:49:17.593] And I remember sitting in the courtroom that day, looking around the wall. [00:49:17.593 – 00:49:22.642] They had a picture of all the former mayors hanging on the wall. [00:49:22.642 – 00:49:29.573] My grandfather, my father, and three of my uncles. [00:49:29.573 – 00:49:34.033] And I never once thought that day that I ought to be ashamed. [00:49:34.033 – 00:49:40.493] The thought that struck my mind was, "This is a hell of a come up. [00:49:40.493 – 00:49:50.653] As much as my people have done for this town to put me in jail." While [00:49:50.653 – 00:50:00.733] I was serving that sentence, a chief of police came down and said, "They're organizing a group of AA here tonight,

[00:50:00.733 – 00:50:06.773] and if you'll go, we'll let you out of jail." I said, "No, thank you. [00:50:06.773 – 00:50:09.612] I'll stay in jail." And I did. [00:50:09.612 – 00:50:19.653] Now, I had managed to keep my home in Fort Payne, a fact of which I [00:50:19.653 – 00:50:26.733] used to boast very much, that I hadn't done as bad as most alco-most alcoholics. [00:50:26.733 – 00:50:29.853] I had kept my home. [00:50:29.853 – 00:50:36.633] And the reason why I kept it, my father left it where I couldn't sell it. [00:50:36.633 – 00:50:46.743] And I never had anything to make me as mad in my life to think that he thought that I wouldn't have [00:50:46.743 – 00:50:49.413] sense enough to take care of my own home.

[00:50:49.413 – 00:50:57.823] But I had had some people living in my house. [00:50:57.980 – 00:51:01.340] that summer, and I had a room. [00:51:01.340 – 00:51:09.540] They were getting pretty tired of me being drunk in and out all times of the day and night. [00:51:09.540 – 00:51:16.420] One morning, I got up and went into the bathroom. [00:51:16.420 – 00:51:23.780] On the Saturday before, they'd had a Rexall sale downtown. [00:51:23.780 – 00:51:29.420] You buy a bottle of something, and you get another bottle for a penny. [00:51:29.420 – 00:51:35.320] Anyhow, I found four bottles of Lydia E. [00:51:35.320 – 00:51:37.180] Pinkham's Combo.

[00:51:37.180 – 00:51:46.520] And I sincerely hope that the lady never had any urgent need for it. [00:51:46.520 – 00:51:52.680] For I drank all four. [00:51:52.680 – 00:52:01.000] That was the straw that broke the camel's. [00:52:01.000 – 00:52:05.400] She moved out the next day. [00:52:05.400 – 00:52:15.600] On September the 11th, 19 and 48, I'd been drunk [00:52:15.600 – 00:52:19.140] that day on K-Lose. [00:52:19.140 – 00:52:26.680] I don't know if any of you have ever drank it or not, but it's a very delicious drink. [00:52:26.680 – 00:52:31.340] It's made out of soap suds and ethyl alcohol.

[00:52:31.340 – 00:52:38.600] The only trouble you have with it is to keep from blowing bubbles when you talk. [00:52:38.600 – 00:52:48.750] But I woke up shortly after dark on September [00:52:48.750 – 00:52:49.420] the 11th. [00:52:49.420 – 00:52:56.600] They'd cut off my lights and my water, and it was raining that day. [00:52:56.600 – 00:53:06.380] I hadn't had enough extra money to cover the house in a long time, and the rain was dripping through the roof. [00:53:06.380 – 00:53:12.590] Four men came into my room carrying candles. [00:53:12.590 – 00:53:16.420] It looked exactly like a wake. [00:53:16.420 – 00:53:25.710] And I remember wondering why in the hell they didn't bring two more in a coffin.

[00:53:25.710 – 00:53:30.020] One of them was a minister, y'all. [00:53:30.020 – 00:53:36.040] He himself was an alcoholic, but I didn't know it at that time. [00:53:36.040 – 00:53:46.480] He sat on my bed, and he said, "Paul, I have lost a whole summer fooling with you." And [00:53:46.480 – 00:53:59.020] I said, "Well, nobody asked you in the first place." He said, "You are the biggest liar that I have ever heard talk." He [00:53:59.020 – 00:54:09.020] said, "You have built a fence around yourself that nobody can get through." And he said, "I'm washing my hands of this whole [00:54:09.020 – 00:54:11.600] deal," and they left. [00:54:11.600 – 00:54:20.680] And I remember thinking when they went out, there went the last four friends I had on Earth. [00:54:20.680 – 00:54:23.300] I didn't have any friends.

[00:54:23.300 – 00:54:26.860] Nobody came to my house anymore. [00:54:26.860 – 00:54:34.940] And the more I studied about it, the worse I felt. [00:54:34.940 – 00:54:45.020] And I got up, and I got down on my knees for the first time in twenty years, and I asked God [00:54:45.020 – 00:54:49.240] to either let me get sober or to let me die. [00:54:49.240 – 00:54:59.560] When I got up, I remembered that that one meeting of AA that I went to, they [00:54:59.560 – 00:55:09.320] gave me a little blue book called The Way of Life, and I had kept that book, and I remembered it was in my trunk. [00:55:09.320 – 00:55:12.860] Why I kept it, I don't know. [00:55:12.860 – 00:55:22.920] But I do know that God must have had a hand in it because I got that book, and I began to

[00:55:22.920 – 00:55:23.420] read. [00:55:23.420 – 00:55:33.140] And for the first time in twenty years, I began to think that maybe there might be some hope for me. [00:55:33.140 – 00:55:37.060] Now, these men hadn't gone off. [00:55:37.060 – 00:55:48.740] They'd gone out on the porch, and they came back in, and they brought me a quart of whiskey, almost [00:55:48.740 – 00:55:49.140] full. [00:55:49.140 – 00:55:59.240] Now, it had been a long time since anybody give me a drink of whiskey, and nobody just turned the whole bottle [00:55:59.240 – 00:56:00.380] over to me. [00:56:00.380 – 00:56:10.660] But they set it down and said, "You're gonna need a drink tonight." Well, I never took a drink of that whiskey, and I've never

[00:56:10.660 – 00:56:15.660] had one since, by the grace of God and the help of you people. [00:56:15.660 – 00:56:25.920] I didn't sleep much that night, and most of my life went back over review and review. [00:56:25.920 – 00:56:29.140] It hadn't been a happy life. [00:56:29.140 – 00:56:33.860] I hadn't had very much happiness. [00:56:33.860 – 00:56:43.900] And I remembered many things, and I knew that I had never done [00:56:43.900 – 00:56:45.310] one thing that struck me. [00:56:45.310 – 00:56:51.780] I had never offered to do anything to help anybody. [00:56:51.780 – 00:57:01.250] And I remembered that night standing by my mother's bed as she lay dying.

[00:57:01.250 – 00:57:11.292] And she turned to me and said, "Bill, I'm going to have to leave you, but always put your [00:57:11.292 – 00:57:21.592] faith in God, and you'll be all right." Well, I strayed a long ways from that teaching, but somehow [00:57:21.592 – 00:57:27.512] I believe that my mother's prayers did follow me and keep me down through those days. [00:57:27.512 – 00:57:37.972] And then I remembered another time, some twenty years before, when [00:57:37.972 – 00:57:48.052] I'd walked out of Mayo's Clinic one bright spring morning with a verdict ringing in my ear that [00:57:48.052 – 00:57:53.692] I wouldn't walk over six months and probably wouldn't live over two years. [00:57:53.692 – 00:58:03.902] And as I walked out into that bright spring morning, I asked God to never [00:58:03.902 – 00:58:08.152] let me worry anybody else with my affliction.

[00:58:08.152 – 00:58:16.552] And I know that prayer was answered because I never even let it bother me very much. [00:58:16.552 – 00:58:25.112] But I had never once thought that God could help me with my alcoholic problem. [00:58:25.112 – 00:58:35.892] Now, I went to the next AA meeting, and I went from meeting from September through December. [00:58:35.892 – 00:58:42.292] I didn't get too much out of them. [00:58:42.292 – 00:58:46.632] I wasn't in any condition to get anything out of them. [00:58:46.632 – 00:58:53.452] I wasn't drunk, nor I don't think I was what you could call sober. [00:58:53.452 – 00:58:57.652] I wasn't happy, nor I wasn't unhappy. [00:58:57.652 – 00:59:01.032] I was just drifting.

[00:59:01.032 – 00:59:04.632] I was a living zombie. [00:59:04.632 – 00:59:14.632] All except that zombies only come out at night, and I was out day and night. [00:59:14.632 – 00:59:24.692] On December the 25th, 19 and 48, I was in a hotel room. [00:59:24.692 – 00:59:34.712] I'd spent many, many Christmases in hotel rooms, either drunk or getting [00:59:34.712 – 00:59:35.632] over drunk. [00:59:35.632 – 00:59:47.412] And only people who have been through that can understand the loneliness that you go through on [00:59:47.412 – 00:59:50.672] Christmas Day in a hotel room. [00:59:50.672 – 00:59:54.652] But here I was back in another.

[00:59:54.652 – 01:00:05.092] In the afternoon of that day, a good many people had asked me to spend Christmas [01:00:05.092 – 01:00:08.032] with them, and I wouldn't go. [01:00:08.032 – 01:00:13.572] And in the afternoon of that day, I, I knew why. [01:00:13.572 – 01:00:20.772] I wanted to sit there in that hotel room and feel sorry for myself. [01:00:20.772 – 01:00:30.772] And I made up my mind then and there that I had to get something more than that out of AA, or I [01:00:30.772 – 01:00:32.592] might as well be drunk. [01:00:32.592 – 01:00:36.112] And I went to work on the 12 steps. [01:00:36.112 – 01:00:39.592] The first one, I had admitted.

[01:00:39.592 – 01:00:49.632] I don't, didn't know too much about what an alcoholic was, but I knew if it had to do with alcohol, I was [01:00:49.632 – 01:00:50.132] it. [01:00:50.132 – 01:00:54.732] But I didn't like the sec- second step. [01:00:54.732 – 01:01:02.112] In order to be restored to sanity, that means you'd been insane. [01:01:02.112 – 01:01:05.792] And I knew I was a smart guy. [01:01:05.792 – 01:01:08.831] Nobody else knew it, but I did. [01:01:11.707 – 01:01:13.037] And I got to studying. [01:01:13.037 – 01:01:23.487] And I remembered one time, we used to have to go out of town to get our whiskey, and we had to hire a cab.

[01:01:23.487 – 01:01:33.607] There were only a few cabs in my hometown, and my father had asked all of them not to carry me after whiskey. [01:01:33.607 – 01:01:39.447] One morning, I called, and nobody came. [01:01:39.447 – 01:01:45.107] Finally, in desperation, I called an ambulance. [01:01:45.107 – 01:01:53.987] It backed up to the door, and I got out and went in and laid down in the back. [01:01:53.987 – 01:02:03.407] At that time, the nearest hospital was in Gadsden, thirty-eight miles from my home. [01:02:03.407 – 01:02:11.327] They didn't even ask me where I wanted to go till they turned over the mountain going into Gadsden. [01:02:11.327 – 01:02:19.527] And he said, "Which hospital do you want to go?" And I said, "Hospital, hell. [01:02:19.527 – 01:02:24.647] Stop at the liquor store." It made him mad.

[01:02:24.647 – 01:02:31.227] But as I hadn't paid him and knew I wouldn't, he stopped. [01:02:31.227 – 01:02:41.307] And I went in and got a great big paper sack full of whiskey and came back out, and I didn't get in the back this [01:02:41.307 – 01:02:41.687] time. [01:02:41.687 – 01:02:44.887] I got in the front with him. [01:02:44.887 – 01:02:52.767] Now, the ambulance driver was also the undertaker, you know. [01:02:52.767 – 01:02:54.727] And he was an alcoholic. [01:02:54.727 – 01:02:59.027] And he was so mad that he took a drink. [01:02:59.027 – 01:03:09.147] Coming back, we kept passing the bottle back and forth, and when we got home, I was

[01:03:09.147 – 01:03:10.227] driving. [01:03:10.227 – 01:03:20.406] I went [01:03:20.406 – 01:03:23.507] into the yard with the siren wide open. [01:03:23.507 – 01:03:28.687] The neighbors were all out in the yard. [01:03:28.687 – 01:03:34.047] They'd been expecting me to be brought home dead a long time. [01:03:34.047 – 01:03:42.387] And imagine their surprise when I came out with that paper sack full of whiskey. [01:03:42.387 – 01:03:52.487] My father said he was so embarrassed that he thought he would sell everything he had and leave [01:03:52.487 – 01:03:52.747] there.

[01:03:52.747 – 01:03:55.447] And I thought it was funny. [01:03:55.447 – 01:04:03.087] And they never did stop me from getting a cab anymore. [01:04:03.087 – 01:04:08.087] Then I remembered another case. [01:04:08.087 – 01:04:18.427] Once when I was going to school at the university, the university ground and the asylum grounds adjoined. [01:04:18.427 – 01:04:26.707] Back in those days, college boys didn't have automobiles like they do now. [01:04:26.707 – 01:04:35.747] So on Sunday, we used to take our dates and walk out through the grounds of Bryce Hospital. [01:04:35.747 – 01:04:39.027] They're very beautiful in the spring. [01:04:39.027 – 01:04:48.867] One Sunday, I had a date with a girl from Florida, whom I was very much in love with at that time.

[01:04:48.867 – 01:04:57.187] And we were walking out through the grounds, and they, they had let the inmates out in the yard. [01:04:57.187 – 01:05:05.727] And we were looking through a wire fence at them, about like you would at a lion in a cage. [01:05:05.727 – 01:05:10.967] There was an old lady sitting right inside that fence, knitting. [01:05:10.967 – 01:05:34.027] And she looked up at me and said, "You better get back in you." "If [01:05:34.027 – 01:05:43.607] they catch you out there, they'll give you hell." Well, that ruined my whole afternoon. [01:05:43.607 – 01:05:50.807] Especially as the girl kept snickering about nothing all afternoon. [01:05:50.807 – 01:05:59.847] I never had another date with that girl. [01:05:59.847 – 01:06:07.747] But I've often thought down through the years how right that old lady was.

[01:06:07.747 – 01:06:12.587] I should have been over in there. [01:06:12.587 – 01:06:17.987] So I went to work on these twelve steps. [01:06:17.987 – 01:06:24.667] Somebody told me that I should write down my inventory. [01:06:24.667 – 01:06:29.057] That I ought to put down the liabilities and the assets. [01:06:29.057 – 01:06:33.927] I filled up three pages with the liabilities. [01:06:33.927 – 01:06:40.087] And I had to study about the assets a long, long time. [01:06:40.087 – 01:06:47.967] And the only thing that I could come up with was that I was living. [01:06:47.967 – 01:06:54.107] And I'd almost took all the depreciation on that.

[01:06:54.107 – 01:07:00.517] I'm still working on those twelve steps. [01:07:00.517 – 01:07:04.277] I will never finish them. [01:07:04.277 – 01:07:14.507] That's why I'm here tonight, trying to carry this message, because I'm still working on the twelve [01:07:14.507 – 01:07:15.077] steps. [01:07:15.077 – 01:07:23.519] I believe the 12 steps were as much inspired by God as were the Ten Commandments. [01:07:23.519 – 01:07:31.979] When I came into AA, I only asked God for sobriety. [01:07:31.979 – 01:07:37.479] So many things have been given to me. [01:07:37.479 – 01:07:47.799] I have thousands of friends from coast to coast, people like you, and they're not fair-weather

[01:07:47.799 – 01:07:48.519] friends. [01:07:48.519 – 01:07:56.619] And I found a God that I know and understand. [01:07:56.619 – 01:08:02.499] Not a God of vengeance, but a God of love. [01:08:02.499 – 01:08:11.299] I could take up all night, and I couldn't tell you the good things that have happened to me. [01:08:11.299 – 01:08:17.639] My son is here tonight, the first time he's ever heard me talk. [01:08:17.639 – 01:08:29.599] And when I think of all these things that you people have helped to bring about, I [01:08:29.599 – 01:08:31.698] feel very, very humble. [01:08:31.698 – 01:08:37.199] It hasn't all been good.

[01:08:37.199 – 01:08:40.219] I've had my troubles. [01:08:40.219 – 01:08:44.679] I've had obstacles to overcome. [01:08:44.679 – 01:08:54.859] But the thing I'm thankful for tonight is never once have I ever thought that [01:08:54.859 – 01:08:57.099] whiskey would help on those problems. [01:08:57.099 – 01:09:02.819] So I do know that I am showing some improvement. [01:09:02.819 – 01:09:12.159] I think we all have our cross to bear. [01:09:12.159 – 01:09:15.599] With us, it was alcohol. [01:09:15.599 – 01:09:19.659] With others, it may be something else.

[01:09:19.659 – 01:09:24.939] But it's a cross that we'll fit only our own shoulder. [01:09:24.939 – 01:09:30.408] And I think that we can carry that cross on triumphantly. [01:09:30.408 – 01:09:37.039] And if we do, we be better men and better women because of it. [01:09:37.039 – 01:09:43.379] And the world will be a better place because we've been here. [01:09:43.379 – 01:09:49.259] I don't know how much longer I have left. [01:09:49.259 – 01:09:53.819] Probably not as much as most people. [01:09:53.819 – 01:09:59.699] But it doesn't bother me anymore. [01:09:59.699 – 01:10:09.889] As far as the material things of the world are concerned, I can be considered

[01:10:09.889 – 01:10:18.219] a failure because I leave this world with much less than I came into it with. [01:10:18.219 – 01:10:28.299] But I found the only thing worthwhile, the only thing that money never [01:10:28.299 – 01:10:38.219] bought, the only thing you'll carry with you when you leave here, the love of my fellow man. [01:10:38.219 – 01:10:49.359] And when my time comes to go, I can think of no epitaph that [01:10:49.359 – 01:10:57.179] I'd like better than the first verse of an old poem that I've always loved. [01:10:57.179 – 01:11:05.919] Sunset clear and evening star, and one clear call for me. [01:11:05.919 – 01:11:12.839] And may there be no mourning at the bar when I put out to sea. [01:11:12.839 – 01:11:14.199] I thank you.