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Source: DICOBE-00641 – Lois W – TWELVE TRADITIONS – 1956-08-13.mp3 File: dicobe-00641-lois-w-twelve-traditions-1956-08-13.mp3 Duration: 00:58:58
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Thanks, Marion, so much. I'm sure I never could live up to that. Possibly. Hi, everybody. You know, the Twelve Traditions are really kind of a stumbling block, I think, for a lot of us. And I thought I'd tell you a little how they came to be, and then read through them from the book. Because the limited time that we have here to get through the Twelve, I'm sure I'd digress and get way off the matter if I didn't read them.
And we've just written them in our new book, the new Al-Anon book, which is called Living with an Alcoholic. And I hope you will all also look at them and read them, those of you who have a book. If you haven't a book, please get one. In the early days of AA, there were no traditions, of course. In fact, in the very early days, there were even no steps. In the old Oxford group, where Bill and Ebby went to meetings, they had certain principles, and these were about six principles.
And they were just word of mouth, and they passed them on to each other. But when, in 1939, Bill thought that, Bill and all the group, all the AA group, thought they needed a book, they needed to put down their experience, so other drunks that couldn't make personal contact could read about this wonderful thing that had happened to them. So then, when he wrote them down, he found that he put down twelve. He didn't want to leave any gaps for the drunks to fall through.
So there were twelve of them. And then, in the early days, when they had a little office in New York, first the office actually wasn't in New York, it was in Newark, where the man that was helping Bill had a business office, and they used the business secretary and all the equipment. And this little secretary, Ruth Harker, is one of the traditions of AA. She was a wonderful gal, and she worked, in fact, she worked without pay for a very, very long time.
Well, they, there were so many questions coming in all the time from the, from individuals, and then as the groups grew over the country, from groups. And it required so much correspondence. And the same questions came from the same, from other groups. The groups, in other words, seemed to have the same kind of a problem. That eventually, from this experience, the AAs, and Bill taking a little leadership in it, the AAs worked out these twelve traditions that groups could have as a guide for their conduct.
The individual had the twelve steps, but the group then had the twelve traditions. It settled all kinds of matters about relations with other groups, and with the public, and about anonymity, and all kinds of things. So when finally Al-Anon came into being, we had the twelve traditions all set up for us. In fact, that's been our experience right from the beginning, and we've grown so fast primarily because we've just followed AAs' footsteps.
We had a whole formation of Al-Anon handed to us on a platter. So although it's very, very thrilling that we have grown so fast, as I said, I think, yesterday here, that we had 700 groups at the time of the St. Louis Convention, and now we report 1,400 groups, which is really a very tremendous growth in five years. But if we hadn't had a pattern to go by, I'm sure we wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the growth that we have now.
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And a lot of groups are becoming really quite tradition-conscious, and I think that's a very wonderful thing. It saves a lot of headaches inside the group, and it saves a lot of friction with outside people and with other groups, and it saves a lot of unnecessary correspondence to headquarters to ask about this thing or that thing. We just love down in New York to have you write us about this and that and the other thing, but if you don't need to, if you can solve it yourself, it's better for your group really to work it out, to think about it and to work it out yourself.
We always stand ready to help and advise, so don't get me wrong on that. So I thought I'd read you these texts, these traditions, rather. The tradition one is our common welfare should come first. Personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity. Unity presents not only the necessary climate for growth of Alanon as a whole, but also the atmosphere in which each member within the group may acquire peace of mind.
As one member put it, my own emotional recovery, one of my most valued possessions, since it means sanity and well-being to me personally, depends on unity. Unity at headquarters, unity of AA, and Alanon in my district, and unity in my own group. Last but not least, it depends upon unity and integrity within myself, in mind, body, and spirit. This tradition does not imply that each member should be submerged by the group and not think and speak and act as an individual.
Probably nowhere is there greater freedom of belief and action than in AA and Alanon. But the tradition does imply that unless the group survives, many individuals will not recover. When this realization comes, members become willing to control their speech and actions so as not to injure other members and to make sacrifices for the preservation of the group. Occasionally a whole group is disrupted by an unthinking member who wants to run the group her way regardless of how others feel, or by an inconsiderate person who talks all the time, airing private feelings and grievances.
The entire group thus may suffer from one member's self-indulgence until she begins to practice tradition one. Tradition two. For our group purpose, there is but one authority, a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. In Alanon, there is an intentional absence of personal power or authority. Just as individual members turn to a higher power for individual guidance, so groups rely on the authority of God as expressed through the group conscience.
Newcomers frequently ask, how can our fellowship function without some human authority? How does God express Himself in group conscience? And what is a group conscience anyway? Since the whole purpose of Alanon is spiritual growth, the forms of government found in most organizations are unnecessary. Members are drawn together by their common suffering, and this identity of experience levels differences or stations of life.
Background education, religious or political belief, color, race, or age. No member is different or more important than the next. When a group needs to solve a serious problem, it naturally becomes as well informed on the subject as possible, then discusses it from all angles. Together the members seek to be guided by a higher power in reaching a decision which will be good for the group as a whole, rather than for any one member or clique.
This decision is an expression of the group conscience, and it is usually wiser than any one leader's conclusions, especially if the leader is pressing a bit for pet ideas.
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We do have leaders, but they do not exercise authority. In starting a group, older and more experienced members unquestionably have to guide and attend to most of the chores. But once the group is established, the early leaders wisely retire to the sidelines where they can be consulted, but where they will not interfere with the principle of rotation of office. The sharing of responsibilities by all members promotes the effective development of the group conscience.
Tradition three. The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together from mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon family group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. The third tradition gives Al-Anon an informed charter, informal, I beg your pardon, informal charter, and ensures singleness of purpose.
If the group, as such, had other loyalties, its purpose would surely become divided. Anyone who has a relative or friend with an alcoholic problem may join Al-Anon simply by expressing such a desire to a member. No one can be denied membership, no matter how grave the personal complications or past actions of the individual. Although the tradition seems simple and easy to understand, questions often arise concerning membership.
Can a wife belong to Al-Anon after her husband has a slip in AA? Could two wives become members, the divorced and the present wife of the same alcoholic? Should a questionable character be admitted to membership? Can the alcoholic wife of an alcoholic join Al-Anon? Can the widow of an alcoholic become an Al-Anon member? Is a mother eligible for membership if her son will not join AA? The same answer applies to all these questions.
The sole qualification for membership is that the relative or friend have an alcoholic problem. Tradition four. Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon and AA as a whole. Each Al-Anon group can manage its internal affairs exactly as it pleases, except when to do so might affect other groups or Al-Anon and AA as a whole. Such a group should not only be considerate of neighboring groups, consulting them about any proposed area activity, but should do nothing to harm the fellowships of either Al-Anon or AA.
When one group disregards the traditions by indulging in idle gossip, ill-considered ballyhoo and promotion, lack of anonymity or public solicitation of funds, the reputation of Al-Anon and even AA suffers. The most obvious example is the breaking of anonymity at the public level. It is easy to see what would happen if an Al-Anon group allowed itself to do this. The public would lose confidence and prospective Al-Anon members would back away, not only from this group but from other Al-Anon groups.
AA as well would be adversely affected. The breaking of the other traditions, although not a striking example, would have similar ill results. Therefore, each group has a right to be wrong, but not at the expense of other groups, nor in matters that might harm the unity of the whole. Tradition five. Each Al-Anon group has but one purpose, to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the twelve steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
We cannot give away what we do not have, and so we help others by first helping ourselves. We do this by practicing the twelve steps in all our affairs. It is a lifetime job and cannot be done in one or two attempts and then set aside as an accomplished job. Relief from some of our frustrations, however, often comes immediately after a start is made. By striving to live closer and closer to these principles, we gain greater and greater peace, and usefulness to others.
The next way we help is by learning as much as possible about the illness of alcoholism, and by putting this knowledge into practice. Alcoholism, and by putting this knowledge into practice, into our own homes, going to AA meetings gives us greater understanding of the alcoholic's problem, as well as reading some of the many books on the subject, particularly the basic book, Alcoholics Anonymous, learning how to live in some degree of peace with ourselves, even in a home where there is an active problem, aids us in our demonstration to others, the way we help is by enabling newcomers to
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realize that they no longer are alone, that we understand their problems as few can, because we've had the same or similar experiences, we recognize their need to discuss their fears and difficulties, and we encourage them to believe that their situation can be improved, and their unhappiness overcome, as a group, we do not provide money, clothes, or food, or get jobs for alcoholic families, although individual members do as much of this as the they choose, our singleness of purpose might become divided if we entered social welfare, or the charity field, our help is educational, psychological, and spiritual, given through example and understanding, and not through preaching, reason six, our family groups ought never to endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige, divide us from our primary spiritual aim, although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Alcoholics Anonymous, our lives have been so deeply affected by alcoholism, that sometimes we want to attack the huge problem from every side, by supporting or running hospitals, and drying out places, by changing laws about selling liquor, by preventing so many and such attractive advertisements about alcohol, by putting on educational programs about its evils, and so forth, any Al-Aman member is at perfect liberty to join these efforts, if he or she chooses, but an Al-Aman group, as such, should never undertake such enterprises, or lend its moral and financial support to those who do, we cannot thus divide our work, but should keep our attention focused on our own program, before the importance of tradition six was well understood, a group wanted to do something definite about reducing the great amount of liquor advertising, they said that most of their husbands were new in AA, and that so much attractive liquor advertising made it particularly hard for them to stay away from the first drink, one could go nowhere, they said, or even stay home and listen to the radio, or look at television, without being constantly reminded of the pleasures of drinking, these wives felt that Al-Aman as a whole should make a protest to advertising firms and liquor companies, when this tradition was pointed out to them, however, they saw its reasonableness, a few of the wives, as individual citizens, did join a campaign to reduce the liquor advertising in their state, but the group, as such, did not participate in this undertaking, while we are a separate entity from Alcoholics Anonymous, we should not be functioning today without it, we have drawn from its experience, its steps, and its traditions, our meetings are held in the same manner, and the structures of our fellowships are similar, AA has generously given us its help and support toward the growth of Al-Aman, we are grateful to AA, and always willing to cooperate with it in every way possible.
Tradition 7, every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions, why should a group refuse donations from some interested outsider, most societies are very glad to receive such help, early experience here, as with other traditions, has been the teacher, in the first place, a group has very little need of money, just enough for rent, refreshments, lights, contributions to national and local service centers, such as Al-Aman headquarters and the local intergroup association or council, any considerable amount above these requirements might be a temptation to enter fields, other fields, thus inviting unnecessary argument and dissension, in the next place, if headquarters were to receive large outside donations, the whole fabric of Al-Aman's interrelationships would be changed, headquarters, not needing the group's support, might be tempted to act in an authoritative way, instead of serving the groups and reflecting their experience as it does now, the groups themselves, thinking headquarters had enough money, might no longer feel responsible to it, and might drift away on their own, furthermore, strings are often now attached to large outside donations, it is only too true that purse strings frequently lead to other strings, which sometimes turn into ropes,
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Al-Aman might become bound to an outside policy and so lose its freedom, an instance of how an outside gift of money or its equivalent results in pressure of one kind or another follows, a group secured a meeting place in a church building, they offered to pay a small rental for the use of the room, but the minister said he was glad to let such a world society use it free of charge, but at every single meeting the minister gave a long religious talk, the group couldn't object because of his generosity in giving them the use of the room, although some of the older members received much benefit from the sermons, new members were only confused by them, and didn't come back a second time, the purpose of the group was being lost, finally they had to move to quarters where they paid rent, for our fellowship it has become clear that the simple way is the best, except no outside contributions, large or small, Tradition 8, Al-Aman 12th step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers, there are many paid workers in the fields of welfare, religion and medicine who can be of much service to the families of alcoholics, but there is a special taste for help given by one who has experienced the same suffering, and who knows from the inside what the other's feelings and problems must be, this identification as we call it in AA and Al-Aman brings a warm glow of assurance to the newcomer, she knows she is no longer alone with her problem, that she is understood, there is nothing quite like the camaraderie so engendered, what if this were paid for, much of its spontaneity, much of its mutuality, and most of its value to the helper would be lost, truly in giving we receive, the helper perhaps herself a newcomer who is depressed and low because of her failure to aid her alcoholic husband, receives a great lift when she recognizes that here is a field where her own hard experience can be uniquely useful, with deep satisfaction and gratitude she tells the newcomer just how she herself has been helped, how her own changed attitudes have relieved her tensions, how she has begun to hope, a new member is sometimes so grateful for what she has received in Al-Aman that she wants to give her sponsor a lovely gift, the sponsor without being ungracious can explain to the newcomer that obligation in Al-Aman reaches forward, not backward, that she could best pay for her own improved outlook by helping newer members to improve theirs, thus the non-professional 12 step is the ladder by which members help each other to climb into the light, but our Al-Aman service centers which spread the knowledge of our program throughout the area, country or world, do need regular office personnel, experience has shown us that these workers should be paid at as near the going rate as possible for the positions they hold, even though they may be Al-Aman members, a member's personal knowledge of Al-Aman is a great value in such an office, but she is paid for her office work only, not for her Al-Aman work, Tradition 9, our groups as such ought never be organized, but we may create service centers or committees directly responsible to those they serve, when newcomers are told that Al-Aman has no organization, no president with authority to govern, no treasurer who can compel payment of dues, and no board of directors who can oust members, when they learn that no Al-Aman member is in a position to give another a directive or to enforce obedience, they are astonished, we are fortunate in not needing much organization, too much personal authority tends to stifle an enthusiastic response to Al-Aman principles, it was from experiences such as the following that we learned the wisdom of this tradition,
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a member of one of the early Al-Aman centers moved to a new town where she started an Al-Aman group, because there was no literature as yet and no other group in the area, this member set herself up as the sole authority on Al-Aman, she told her group just what they should do and how they should do it, and who should belong, the group, grateful for our help and not knowing anything about the Al-Aman tradition, elected her president for a period of two years, but they soon tired of our constant directions and authoritative attitude, then a traveler from a distant group arrived with news that the Al-Aman tradition suggested that no group be organized on a basis of personal authority, the president, feeling as though owed her loyalty for all she had done for them, refused to resign, so the group simply reformed itself without her, a group is usually set up with a chairman who conducts the meeting, a secretary who keeps the others informed on current Al-Aman events, and a treasurer who attends to the voluntary contributions, these positions give some form and shape to the meetings, and since the rotating system is invariably employed, no one person stays long in any position, and all have a chance to take responsibility, our service centers or committees have a minimum of internal organization, but they must have enough to operate effectively, headquarters and a few centers are incorporated in order to carry on their business more efficiently, they have no authority over the groups and they function as trusted servants, answering inquiries, helping groups with their problems, handling overall public relations and publishing literature, but as a spiritual entity, Al-Aman has no organization whatever, tradition ten, the Al-Aman family groups have no opinion on outside issues, hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy, this tradition is another precautionary principle to preserve Al-Aman's unity, it goes further than tradition six in its warnings, it suggests that Al-Aman as such ought not to express opinions on the issues of the day, such as segregation, temperance, or any other public issue, our thousands of members are people of different race and color, with different creeds, politics, and viewpoints, if we were to take sides on any of these public issues, we would surely be divided within, our Al-Aman family group's name and a free, unbiased, uncontroversial atmosphere in which to develop belong to all, through an Al-Aman group, though, beg your pardon, though an Al-Aman group were to take up the cudgel for the improvement of such universally regretted situations as juvenile delinquency, this might also divide us, another group might disagree with the first group's ideas on how this condition could be remedied, even if the resulting controversy did not reach the public level, it would separate and divert us, fortunately within the tradition, Al-Aman is able to take part in the alleviation of juvenile delinquency, through the Al-Ateem groups, this fact clearly points out the well-known truth, that the best and surest way to improve the moral tone of a bad situation, public or personal, is by example, each member of Al-Aman in trying to live by Al-Aman's twelve steps, is doing a small but positive part toward raising the level of the whole, tradition 11, a public relations policy is based on attraction, rather than promotion, we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films, we need guard with special care the anonymity of AA members, without their many outside well-wishers, neither AA nor Al-Aman could have grown as fast nor spread as far as they have, good publicity has been a means of bringing members into both fellowships, Al-Aman is grateful when newspapers, magazines, TV or films want to publicize our work, the only stipulations we make are that the presentation be accurate, and that full names not be used, the public goodwill that AA and now Al-Aman enjoy, resulted not only because of approval of much needed good works, but because of two very wise policy, Attraction, rather than promotion, and personal anonymity, Al-Aman inherited the benefits of the public's good opinion of AA, which AA earned the hard way, and sometimes the sensational way, In the hard way, and sometimes the sensational way.
As when an early promotion-minded alcoholic, Ballyhooed AA, and himself, on the radio, then got drunk.
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Attraction and promotion are different approaches to the same end. Public information. The difference between them is a matter not only of degree, but of kind. Attraction implies the quality of humility. This is well exemplified by Al-Anon anonymity at the public level, which means that we place principles before personalities. On the other hand, promotion often connotes certain high-pressure methods of aggressive selling and self-interested persuasion.
In addition to the anonymity at the public level of press, radio, films, and TV, which Al-Anon suggests, anonymity of the personal, family matter should be considered. Since the policy of anonymity arose originally to protect new AAs from the stigma of alcoholism, it is up to the Al-Anon member to respect the alcoholic mate's choice in the matter. Where he wishes to draw the line among friends, family, church, community, there is where she, too, should draw it.
Personal situations and the alcoholic's length of sobriety in AA may change this line from time to time. The Al-Anon member whose alcoholic is still drinking or is dry but not in AA should protect his anonymity with special care because the former is even more sensitive than a sober alcoholic and the latter has not the satisfactions of membership in AA. And the sideline meetings of the alcoholic's escapades or his personal treatment of his wife should be avoided.
Tradition 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Fortunately, it was recognized early that the experiences of alcoholics anonymous as set down in the steps and traditions were spiritual principles which Al-Anon could use equally well. But long before that, when there were less than a hundred alcoholics in AA, all the eager enthusiasts sounded bad tidings of one another's recovery, telling too much too publicly.
The result often was a violation of the newcomer's privacy. So the principle of anonymity was first instituted as a protection for the new AA member. Then by degrees, its spiritual substance was recognized. Principles became more important than personalities. Now, although Al-Anon members may at first practice anonymity for the protection of their partners, they soon find that anonymity is real humility at work.
It is the spirit of sacrifice, the willingness to give up personal desires for the sake of the group, the helping of others without pay or personal glory. It is an all-pervading spiritual quality which keynotes AA and Al-Anon everywhere. In this tradition, all the others are contained. Each of us takes part in weaving the protective mantle of anonymity which covers our whole society and under which we may grow and work in unity.
Thank you. Thank you, Louis, so very much. I don't know whether in this section you're as guilty as we are in Georgia, but we concentrate so thoroughly on the twelve steps of recovery. We want to get our alcoholics sober, but I sometimes think we push the traditions back a little. But certainly that is the way that the groups operate. I want to thank the committee for letting me be a part of this program today.
To me, participation in the fellowship of AA is a very vital part. When you become a part of anything, it certainly means a lot. I, as a non-alcoholic, now have a home. As a wife of a sober alcoholic, now have a home instead of a house. I have rich, abundant, full living on a 24-hour basis instead of all that confusion and despair that went on for many, many years. I'm with people who understand me and my problem, and I have learned to live with an alcoholic even though he'd be sober.
I think the greatest thing that I have gotten out of my association with the fellowship of AA is gratitude. To me, that's a warm, emotional feeling for a favor that I've received, and that favor is certainly my husband's sobriety and my new way of life. In closing, I would like to leave you with this little thought. Keep your friends in your heart and not on your tongue.
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Will you join me in the Lord's Prayer? Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Good afternoon, Alateans, ladies and gentlemen.
I am John S. of Long Beach. We welcome you to our Alatean meeting and hope it will be of interest to all of you. We will conduct this meeting as we conduct our regular Alatean meeting. We will start by asking Alice H. of Long Beach to read for us the opening prayer. Please rise. After the prayer, please join us in the serenity prayer. Our Father, we come to you as a friend. You have said that where two or three are gathered together in your name, there you will be in the midst.
We believe that you are here with us now. We believe this is something you would have us do and that it has your blessing. We pledge with you always to be honest and to search our hearts for weaknesses and errors that we may deserve your help. We believe that you sent us to be real partners with you in this business of living, accepting our full responsibilities and certain that the rewards will be freedom and growth and happiness.
For this we are grateful. We ask you at all times to guide us, help us daily to come closer to you, and grant us new ways of living our gratitude. Amen. God, through defeat, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. We will ask Marion H. of Huntsville, Alabama, for us to read the purpose of the allocating groups and the important principles.
Purposes of the allocating groups. A, to grow spiritually through living by the 12 steps of alcoholic anonymous. B, to give understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic in the home. C, to welcome and give comfort to the teenagers of alcoholics. D, to ensure the success of allocating groups. There should be no gossip, no complaints about the alcoholic's faults at meetings. Newcomers can quickly make friends with older members with whom they will invariably feel free to discuss their personal difficulties privately.
Thank you, Marion. Now, Ken Z., of Rapid City, South Dakota, will read the 12 steps. The 12 steps. One, we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Four, made a searching and ferocious moral inventory of ourselves.
Five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Seven, humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings. Eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine, made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Ten, continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Eleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out. Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and practice these principles in all our affairs.
Thank you, Ken. Ron G. of Long Beach will read for us the suggestions for newcomers.
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The suggestions for newcomers. Remember that the alcoholic is an emotionally sick person. Take a personal inventory of your own faults, and make a sincere effort to overcome them. Easy does it apply to you as well as to the alcoholic. Try to learn all you can about AA and alcoholism. The book Alcoholics Anonymous is recommended. Interest yourself enthusiastically in allotine group work. When your alcoholic parent goes on AA business, allotine group activity will cure the lonely left out feeling.
Some alcoholics are much sicker than others. Don't be discouraged if progress is slower. The AA seed has been planted. Growth is slower in some soils than in others. When AAs assume the attitude of superiority, don't be dismayed. This is a perfectly natural reaction from their previous tragic inferiority. Because the AA progress teaches humility, spiritual growth usually levels off its attitude. Above all, don't expect too much too quickly.
Because of distorted relationships, directly or indirectly resulting from drinking, both you and your AA parents will have many personal problems to solve. If you are living with a problem drinker, the first thing to remember is this. Be sympathetic for your own sake as well as his. Remember that the alcoholic is sick and that he needs understanding. He hates his drinking too, but he doesn't know what to do about it.
It is extremely difficult to be understanding and sympathetic with a person who breaks promises, tells lies, and presents his most unattractive side and shows no consideration for you. Yet, you must if you are going to help him get well. The primary objective is to get the alcoholic to seek help. Anger and threats will not do it. Love, sympathy, and understanding are far better tools. To the person who is living with someone who has a drinking problem, remember there is help for the alcoholic.
He must want it. If the problem drinker is dragged to a meeting by well-meaning friends or relatives, it will probably do no good. The problem drinker must recognize he is powerless against liquor and that he must get help from the outside. He must then be willing to seek that help. Finally, have faith in the AA member of your family. The AA program has been successful in thousands of cases, so it can be in yours.
Thank you, Ron. We are very happy to present our first speaker who comes from Englewood, Colorado, Betty W. I'd like to mention that I am a member of the Denver Allotine Group. On September 30, 1958, I attended my first allotine meeting. There wasn't really any special interest in the group at the time. They were organizing a new group, and a girlfriend who I went to school with, whose stepfather was an alcoholic, asked me if I'd like to go up to the allotine meeting with her, and that was the main reason why I went and a little coaching from my parents.
My father had been contacted with AA for seven years at that time, and so I really didn't have the problem of alcohol drinking at the time in my family. But when I got up to the group, there were many things besides the serenity prayer and the 12 steps, just reading them, behind this program. They were the basis, and all I'd ever done was read them and do the serenity prayer. And the first thing, when I went into the meeting, I was asked to chair the meeting, which was kind of a shock to me, and yet it was a good start because then it kept my interest.
It kept my interest because I had a part in it. So the first thing that really kept me going was the friendship in this group. The kids that went up there had the same problem that I did. Maybe theirs was more recent, but it was still alcoholism. They were the first true friends that I ever had. If I had a problem, all I had to do was call them up or speak to them after a meeting, and they were there to listen to me.
You can't just, any friends at school, go up and tell them about a parent that's drinking or something that involves alcohol because they don't understand at all. And I found really true friendship with these kids. Kids, and, um, we had just lived in Inglewood a year before I started coming to the Alateen meetings, and Inglewood's a suburb of Denver, and it's a newer part of town, all the new homes and everything are down there, and when I went into school that first day there, I was, felt just terrible, all those kids had beautiful clothes, their parents brought them in beautiful cars, I could imagine what kind of homes they lived in, and here was little old me, real resentful because
[00:45:21]
my father had drank, and I didn't have the money for all those things, so in order to get away from this, I shied away from the kids, I didn't make friends, not the real rich ones anyhow, I didn't want to have anything to do with them, I'd walk down the hall at school, and turn the other way when they came near me, because I figured they didn't want to have anything to do with a little nobody, so when I came up to the Alateen group, and found a friendship up there, it rubbed off in other places besides there, it was the beginning of a new school, and I decided that now was the time to make friends, and I found out that after I had put a little effort toward this, that these kids weren't the snobs, maybe they did have a lot of money, but they didn't care what kind of house you lived in, or anything else, it was the kind of person you were, and I grew into the crowd, I became much more popular I must say, because I put myself into everything that was the group, and I and the only reason that I did this was because of what I had learned at the Alateen group, the first thing that really helped me was my moral inventory, I took that with the understanding that I was going to help myself, and brother, everything I found out was wrong with me was terrible, I couldn't find any good points at all, and I thought, well Betty, you're the one that should start working on yourself, instead of taking other people's moral inventory, and that had been exactly what I was doing, so I worked on my faults, and I really tried hard, and I think I've helped myself, in fact I know I have, my attitude's changed towards everything, and then, just day at a time, I would go to bed and worry myself sick about a test, or some tryouts or something that were coming up, and maybe it was a week in advance, and I wouldn't sleep, and I'd just make myself sick, but after being at the Alateen group, I learned that I am living now, I forget about the past, I can plan for the future, but I can't live it, I remember the good things about the past, and forget the bad ones, and it's helped me so much, because if I wouldn't have, I think I'd have been a nervous wreck by now, growing up, and there's quite a few problems, and me, I was a regular old worry wart, but now, I accept those things, and the serenity prayer, I think is the most wonderful prayer in the whole world, if everyone would apply this to their lives, there wouldn't be any trouble between the people at all, there may be problems, but if you can accept something, there isn't anything that should bother you, and I have learned to accept that I maybe can't have the nicest clothes as the other kids, but they aren't important to me anymore, it was for a while there, but I guess that's just a part of growing up, and the Alateen group, as far as I'm concerned, has helped me more than any group anywhere ever will, I have learned something at a young age, which probably most of you didn't learn until you were a little bit older than I am, and now, if I can carry this with me, and help my friends, and the people around me, if we could all grow into a sort of thinking that I know myself, I have, and understanding of other people, I think it would be just wonderful, but then, that is part of our 12-step work, in which I hope I have helped some people, I know, talking about the friendship in the group, I've had, I guess I must sort of be the one that people come to with their problems, because I know I sure heard a lot of them, and I feel that what I have learned through my own experiences, that I have something to offer these people, and I appreciate it when they come and ask me, because if I can help them, that makes me feel better than if I could help them out mentally, with their thinking, I would feel ten times better than if I could give them a million dollars, because what good is money going to do in something like that, and also, the Allotene group has really brought me closer to God, I have grown spiritually more than, I don't think my church or youth group could ever have given me the feeling that I have now, I used to be, church wasn't important to me, because all I do is sit and get bored, but since then, I have taken part in the youth group, the Sunday school, and the church,
[00:50:00]
and if you have a part in helping the group, doing something for it, it helps you yourself, and I was asked to give you a little bit about the Allotene group, the Denver group meets at the big club, as we call it in Denver, and we have our meetings every Tuesday night at 8.30, our officers, we have three standing officers in the group, which we feel are sort of our leaders, we have a chairman, a co-chairman, and a secretary treasurer, the chairman merely gets the chairman for the meetings, and helps plan the meetings, and the co-chairman assists him, him or her, whatever it may be, and the secretary is our link with headquarters, takes care of our literature, and our financial fund, we open our meetings with a serenity prayer, and then we have a preamble, which we read, we don't read the twelve staffs or the traditions, but I think it's a very good idea, and we naturally close it with a large prayer, the first Tuesday of every month we have a guest speaker, which is usually an alcoholic, but we have had others, we plan to have judges and some doctors, and people from the Colorado commission of alcohol come down and talk to us, and we've also had movies, then the second Tuesday we have what we call a regular meeting with an alloteen chairman and alloteen speakers, the third Tuesday we have a study group, and on these study groups we have gone over the twelve staffs, the traditions, and the serenity prayer, and really pull them apart, we also have a twelve staffs for teenagers, which we base on the twelve staffs of AA, and we feel that now, the way we have changed these, or used this as a base, that this could be applied to any teenager, no matter what the problem may be, at our study groups we also go into other fields concerning teenagers, such as dating, juvenile delinquency, and basing it all around alcohol, but it comes into a very, it's a lot more interesting, because sometimes, you know, you do run out of a few things, and then the fourth Tuesday we have our business meeting, and usually that doesn't last a whole hour, so we have part of our, finish up a study group, or go into some problems, and I guess that's about all I have to say.
Thank you. Thank you very much Betty W. Next we would like to present to you Bob R. of Sun Valley, California, who is very well known to all alloteens. I'm very happy to be here this afternoon, for two reasons. One, I enjoy speaking, and the other, I get out of the day at boot camp. It just goes to show how important Alcoholics Anonymous is, when my fifth day at boot camp they give me a 16 hour liberty, a special liberty, so I can come up and talk at a convention.
They were very cooperative down there, my commanding officer, Commander Mobley, Commander Mobley of my reserve unit, sent a personal letter to the commander in San Diego, and arranged for me to get this day off, which is very unusual, because usually to get a day out of boot camp, somebody has to die in your family. My first alloteen meeting was about four, four and a half years ago, it was in Reseda, and this was when alloteens were very, very new, in fact we were the second group in existence.
The meeting that I went to was about the second or third meeting of this group, and I didn't really want to go because I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, but my mother persuaded me to go, so I went, and I found a chance there to be a real big shot. My dad had been on Alcoholics, been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous on and off for many years, and I had had a chance to talk with alcoholics, and I'd been around it for a long time, so I knew a little bit about Alcoholics Anonymous, I could recite the Twelve Steps a little bit, the Serenity Prayer, and I had heard people talk, and I could copy them real well.
[00:55:04]
And here I come to a group, and it just happened on this first meeting here, we met at a girl's house, there was three sisters, and for some reason there was about twelve boys and the two girls. I don't know if they planned it that way or it just happened, but it did. Anyway, here's all these kids, and none of them knew anything about Alcoholics Anonymous, most of their parents were still drinking, or were new on the program, or didn't know about the program or something, but most of them were still drinking.
And here I was, I could give a little bit of lip service to this program, and I could answer any question, no matter what was wrong, I could answer it. So for quite a while I was a big shot around that group, because, well, whatever was wrong, they just came to me. This went on for quite a few months, I went to the meetings religiously every week, and I really enjoyed this. I didn't get anything out of it, I think I was worse after that six months than when I came on.
And after a while my whole plan fell apart, because another boy came on into this group, his name is Bill, who is, well I like to call him my sponsor, he's the greatest guy I ever met. He was everything that I was pretending to be, and right away everybody could see right through me, so I had to change. And after this I really tried working this program a little bit, I didn't put my all into it, but I did try.
About three years ago, my whole life, you might say, there was a great tragedy, my parents were planning on separating, and they were separated for a while. And this was a great blow to me, because I had always had a fairly happy home, my father, who was the alcoholic, was never mean or violent when he was drunk, which I'm very happy for. There was never too much fighting, there was a fight once in a while when my dad would come home drunk, but there wasn't any too great amount of this, and my home had always been very happy.
Now all of a sudden, everything fell apart. See, my dad wasn't drinking during this first year and a half or so, and when he started again, it slowly built up until there was an explosion, and my parents separated and I was very unhappy. And at this time I kind of quit going to meetings for a while, and I forgot everything that I had learned or had tried to learn in the last year and a half or so. And one day I was walking home from school, I guess I was in the ninth grade or so then, and I was very miserable, because my dad had moved out and I didn't know what was going to happen.
And I was trying to decide whether I wanted to leave home or not, and all the way home, which is about a mile or so, I was going back and forth whether I wanted to leave home. For a few blocks I'd say, yeah, I think I will, I'm going to go tonight. Then for the next few blocks I'd think, I haven't got any money, I haven't got any food, what would I do? So I'll stay home, and back and forth. And for quite a while this made me very unhappy, going back and forth like this.
So I decided that I'd go to the meeting that night.