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Source: DICOBE-00568 – Cecil C – OKLAHOMA STATE CONF – 1974-05-19.mp3 File: dicobe-00568-cecil-c-oklahoma-state-conf-1974-05-19.mp3 Duration: 01:12:44
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Thank you very much. My name is C.C. Cargill and I'm from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada. And a very good friend of mine is speaking at Dana, Saskatchewan, Canada this morning. His name is Jack Sennon. You don't know Jack Sennon and you don't know where Dana, Saskatchewan, Canada is. That really doesn't matter. But he promised me if I'd mention his name down here, he'd mention mine up there. And I feel a little inadequate this morning because ever since I got here, and I didn't get here too long ago, I just got here a few hours ago, and ever since I got here, people have been rushing up and saying, man, we've got a, we've had such a tremendous conference.
Speakers have been fantastic. They've said everything there is to say. You know, how do you feel? I'll tell you how I feel. I feel a little bit like Elizabeth Taylor's next husband's going to feel. I know what's expected of me, but I don't know how to make it interesting anymore. And the reason I'm late, this is the first time I've ever been late for a conference. It's not the first time I, I would never be late to hear myself speak.
I mean, but it's the first time I've been late to hear the other speakers. And I feel very bad about it, but I can blame it all on Al-Anon. Because I have an Al-Anon secretary who has a daughter that decided to get married yesterday. And I sponsored her dad, and her son is a caddy for me in the golf course. And they had a meeting, and they said that I had to emcee the wedding and propose a toast to the bride.
And they had this family meeting with me sitting there, and I said, well, I have to go to Oklahoma, and they didn't even hear me. So I still have my Al-Anon secretary, and I still have her husband as I sponsored him, and I still am friends with her daughter because I proposed a toast and emceed her wedding. But I want you to know that it is the fastest wedding in the history of Canada. Because I had to catch a plane to come to Oklahoma, and I ran her off real fast.
And I flew all night, and I got here. And I'm very grateful because I'm really grateful that you people waited until I got here. Because I was thinking on that plane about four o'clock this morning, what if they all go home? But this morning, I know that you've had a beautiful conference, and I know that you're all tired. And I'm going to try to share an experience with you, not an experience of my drinking, but an experience that I've had in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And the reason that I do that is because I came to Alcoholics Anonymous January the 16th, 1952. And because of you people, because of a power greater than myself that I prefer to call God, and because of a beautiful program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had to have a drink since that day. And I don't know whether that impresses every one of you or not. I don't really care, but it sure as hell impresses me.
Because I was one of these fellas that wasn't supposed to get sober, and I was sure one of these guys that wasn't supposed to stay sober. But the reason that I'm not going to tell you about my drinking is because I went to Alcoholics Anonymous before that.
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When I was 25 years of age, I lost a family and a business all in the same day.
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And that night, I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And they talked about Skid Row, and they talked about jails, and they talked about mental hospitals, and they talked about many things that I hadn't experienced. And I left the meeting that night so lonely because I hadn't experienced any of those things, and I felt I didn't even belong in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I didn't belong anywhere else in the world.
And they scared me away. And I hope that I will never be guilty of scaring anybody away from Alcoholics Anonymous. And I see a lot of young people here, and I'm very grateful that they're here. And if any of us old geezers go up to you and tell you that you came too soon, just take a look at us and tell us that perhaps we came too late. Because we want you and we need you. And I don't blame those people for what they did that night because they didn't know any better.
Alcoholics Anonymous at that time was very new in my town. But since that time, I've learned that if you can talk about hopelessness, and if you can talk about loneliness, and if you can talk about fears, that this you can identify with anybody. And this morning I hope to share my experience with you that I've had since coming to Alcoholics Anonymous. Because I think that's the experience that I should share with you.
And I came to Alcoholics Anonymous by way of the hospital. I didn't go to hospital for drinking. I went to hospital because when I got drunk, I had a big mouth. And I ran into a guy that weighed 275 pounds and had a big fist. And that's why I was in hospital. But thank God there was a doctor that knew something about Alcoholics Anonymous. And he sat down beside my bed after five days. And he said, Cease, I knew you in the service.
Since coming out of the service, you haven't improved. And you're an alcoholic as far as I'm concerned, and I would suggest that you join Alcoholics Anonymous. And he didn't leave it at that. He went out and he got Alcoholics Anonymous to come and see me. And I'll never forget the two people that came to see me. One was the sloppiest drunk in all of Canada. But that night he was clean and he was dressed up and he had a beautiful brown suit on.
A silk shirt and a bow tie and brown shoes. And they were shined and his hair was combed and he looked good. And I knew that something had happened to Bill. And I would like this morning sometime for you to say a little prayer for Bill. Because Bill has just had a stroke. And he is not expected to live. But he's sober. The other guy that came to see me was a fellow that had just come out of penitentiary, but I'd been in the service with him.
And he got into the penitentiary for robbery with violence while he was drinking. And he served five years in a prison in my town. And he found Alcoholics Anonymous in that prison. And he found Alcoholics Anonymous in that prison. And people wonder why I do so much prison work. And that is the reason. He didn't stay sober. I was at his funeral last summer. He fell in a river and drowned. But he did what he was supposed to do.
He carried the message to me. And for that I'll be ever grateful. And I got out of that hospital. And I had a little difficult time getting out of hospital. For you see, I'd given a bad check to get into hospital. And that little Catholic sister was a little narrow, but bad checks. And she wouldn't let me out of the hospital until such time as I made the check good. And I phoned the only person in the world that I knew my credit was any good with, and that was my bootlegger.
And he came and bailed me out of hospital. And I'm sure that had he known what I was going to do, he wouldn't have bailed me out. Because I haven't had to give him any business since that day. And that night I went to my first real meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'll never forget it. It was a Saturday night. And it was a mixed meeting. And they came and picked my wife and I up to go to the meeting.
And they came and picked my wife and I up to go to the meeting.
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And there weren't too many people there. Perhaps there were 25 or 30 people. And they had a social. Before the meeting. And it was beautiful. But it was strange. Because they played stupid games like pin the tail on the donkey. On a Saturday night. On a Saturday night. And that's not the way that I lived on Saturday nights. And I suspected that some of them may be drinking just a little bit. And I sniffed a few of them.
And after the social they had a meeting. And I'll never forget the meeting. I don't know what was said. I know one fellow said he'd been sober a year. And I said, he's probably a liar. And after the meeting, this is the part that I will never forget. And I hope that I never forget. A couple of the old timers that were sober maybe a year and a half. Took me in another room. And they said, cease. There are no musts in Alcoholics Anonymous.
But they said, tomorrow morning there is a meeting here at 8 o'clock. And you must be here. And you know what? I was stupid enough to be there. And I've never stopped going. Because I was stupid. And if any of you people are smart, and you're having trouble with meetings, get stupid. Because it helps. And it was beautiful. I was the youngest member in the whole province of Saskatchewan. And if you don't know what the province of Saskatchewan is, it's bigger than the state of Texas.
That's big. And it was just wonderful. People patted me on the back. Told me how great it was. That I was sober. I found this beautiful thing. And I let them pat me on the back. I broke my anonymity to anybody that would listen. Usually to financial institutions. Because I owed a lot of money. And I would tell them how bad I was and what happened. And I joined this beautiful thing called Alcoholics Anonymous.
And then I would ask them for some money. And I hate to tell you about how much money I owed. Because it's so insignificant probably in the state of Oklahoma. I only owed $6,200. Now I know that's nothing here. But back there in 1952, that was a lot of money. And I didn't owe it for anything. I just owed it. For you see, the night before I got into hospital, the reason that fella punched me in the mouth was because he was a little narrow about something I did in a poker game.
For you see, I also had a dual problem. I loved to play poker. And it didn't matter whose money I was playing with. And I didn't know how to play poker. And I didn't know how to play poker. And I didn't know how to play poker. And I didn't know how to play poker. And I didn't know how to play poker. And it didn't matter whose money I was playing with. And I wasn't too fussy about what I did in poker games to win money.
But that big fella was a little bit narrow about those things. And anyway, I got into this thing and I just had a beautiful time. And I just stayed sober by the pats on the back. Hell, nobody had done this to me before. They told me they wanted me. They told me they needed me. And man, God, they shook my hand. And it was just wonderful. And then a horrible thing happened. Some younger members came in.
And they walked right by me and went and talked to the older members. Older members walked right by me and went and talked to the newer members. And they left me standing out there in the middle of the floor. And all of a sudden I was like a hole in a donut. I was nothing. And I had thoughts like perhaps I should go out and drink and come back in and get the treatment. But thank God I didn't. I wasn't allowed to remain a middle member too long.
And I tell that because whether you're an Al-Anon or Al-Ateen or Alcoholics Anonymous, this may happen to you. You may become a middle member where you think that nobody loves me anymore. And nobody has pat me on the back. And they expect you to stand on your own two feet. And perhaps you won't be able to stand it. And I believe if there's any department in our fellowship that is weak, it is the middle member.
And that's the reason I mention it. That's the reason I mention it. But then a great thing happened, and this is the experience
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I'm going to share with you. We had a fellow in our group by the name of Ernie Sear. Ernie's now dead. But we asked Ernie to chair our meetings at the group I belong to, and we asked him to chair for the next six months. And we have discussion meetings. And Ernie said he would chair if we would do one thing. And we said, what is that? And he said, well, I will chair the meetings if we will go through the steps. If we will start at step one and we will work the steps, every one of us in the group, and do them, and it doesn't matter who comes into Alcoholics Anonymous, we're not going back to step one, because at that time we used to get to step two to step three, and then someone would come in, we'd go back to step one, and then we'd discuss step eight, and we knew nothing about step three, and it was just ridiculous. So we thought we would humor Ernie along, and we did. And thank God we did. And we started to do the steps as a group. And for the first time in my life, I found out that there were two steps, two parts to step one. I found out that I'd admitted I was powerless over alcohol, but then I found out that I had an unmanageable life, that my life had become unmanageable. And I found out that not only had my life become unmanageable, but I found out that I had sobered up, and it had become a little more unmanageable.
Now that's been sick. And you see, some people think that they just have an unmanageable life while they're an active alcoholic. Well, mine got worse after I sobered up. For you see, I had an unmanageable life as far as money was concerned. And I know none of you people have that problem in Oklahoma, but back home I had. I told you that I owed all of this money. Well, my boss got sick and tired of getting these phone calls, and finally he took me to the bank, and he endorsed my note at the bank, paid everybody they owed money to, made me sign a paper that never again would I charge anything. And two years later he had to bail me out for $7,500. For you see, I had a problem. And I found out that financial problems had nothing to do with money. I'm going to ponder on that one for a while. But it had a lot to do with big-shot-ism. It had a lot to do with ego. It had a lot to do with pride. For you see, I was the type of fella that I would go into a store, I'd go to buy something, and they would say it's $369. And I would say, do you have something for about $700? You know? I was the type of guy that if I had $38 and I owed somebody $40 and they phoned me up for it, I had too much pride to go down and pay the $38. I would go out to try to get the other two, and I'd lose the $38. And that wasn't quite the right way to live. And I found out that these financial problems caused me to be a liar. Not only lying to everybody, but really lying to myself. And living in a fantasy world and saying tomorrow things are going to be different. I'm going to win a sweepstake or something's going to happen. I'll get all these things straightened out. It just doesn't work that way, not in my country. And I had these horrible fears when the phone would ring. And it's a real bad way to live. And I don't want to ever live that way again. And to show you that I've changed just a little bit through that step. Not too many years ago, I'm in business for myself, and I owed a manufacturer $10,000. Now that's not a lot of money in my business, but it's a lot of money in July because I'm in the fur coat business. And although some people down here think it's a cold and barren country, in July sometimes it's 90 and 100 in the shade and you don't sell too many fur coats. And I owed this guy this money and he started sending me letters and he started phoning me. And finally he wrote me a letter and he said some strange things like padlocks on the door and bankruptcy and things like that. And I thought maybe I best answer his letter. So I wrote him a nice letter and it went something like this. I thanked him for his letters and I told him that I loved his merchandise and that I'd sold some of it on the layaway plan and I had small deposits on it. I would love to get fall dating on the merchandise. And then I threw a little
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philosophy at him. I said if I had 10 miles to walk down a railroad track, it would take a long time. But if I went a telephone pole at a time, it would even take a little longer, but I would finally get there. And I signed it, yours truly, Cecil E. Cargill, manager of the Cecil Cargill Fur Clinic. P.S. I am enclosing a certified check for $100. Sent the letter off. Two or three days later, a beautiful letter came back. Went something like this. Dear Cec, received your letter and $100 certified check. But I would suggest, and he congratulated me on my letter writing ability. And he suggested that I get the hell out of the fur business and go in the letter writing business. And he signed it, yours truly, Mo Amsel, Amsel and Amsel. P.S. Would you mind sending another telephone pole?
So you see, it works. And I found it out through that step one. So I found out I had an unmanageable life, in many departments. And then I went on to step two, and it said came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Now they're telling me I'm insane. For you see, I had to take that step one, and I had to diagnose myself. And I had to find out that I was sick and that I had an unmanageable life. Now if I was to go to a doctor, and a doctor would say to me, Cec, you have appendicitis. And I'd say, fine, thank you, and walk out. You know, it'd be the same thing. I may die. Well, it's the same thing in Alcoholics Anonymous. I get to that second step. I find out that I have to do some action if I got this unmanageable life, after I diagnosed myself. And this is the strangest program. They talk about positive things, and they make you do the most negative thing I've ever done in my life. I had to admit that I was powerless, I was beat, and I was everything. And there's all the time talking positive things. But then when I went to that second step where it said, came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Well, I thought if anybody's insane, they have to be in a mental hospital.
I hadn't been there. So I thought, well, how can I come back from somewhere I haven't been? And then they said, Cec, think of your negative thinking. You are a negative thinker. And I was. My God, if it rained a little bit, I would say, well, you know, we best move out of this country. If it snowed, you know, and oh, I, I was just awful. If anybody said something about somebody, I made up some more and said it about them. And I just, anything negative, I was right in the conversation because I didn't know any better. I was something like the, the negative barber. Guy went into the barber one day and he said, I'd like to get a haircut last month for three weeks. Barber said, why three weeks? He said, I'm going on holidays. He said, where are you going? He said, first of all, I'm going to London, England. Barber says, you're not. He says, I am. He said, you're not. He said, I wouldn't go there if I were you. And the guy said, why? And he said, well, there's too many people, too many cars. And he said, I just wouldn't go there. Now he says, I don't know. I've never been there, but I've heard it's that way. The guy said, well, I don't care if I don't like it there. I'm going on over to Paris. The guy says, you're not going to Paris. He says, I am. He said, you're not. He said, I am. And he said, I wouldn't go there if I were you. He said, they really fleece the tourists. Now he says, I don't know. I've never been there. He said, but I heard it's that way. The guy said, look, if I don't like it there, I'm going on over to Rome. He said, you're not going to Rome.
He said, I am. He said, you're not. He said, I am. And he said, I wouldn't go there if I were you. There's too many Catholics. The guy said, well, I'm a Catholic. Yeah, he said, a different kind of a Catholic over there. He said, now he said, I don't know. I've never been there. He said, but I heard. I wouldn't go if I were you. Three weeks later, the guy comes back off his holidays. He slid into the barber chair and the barber said, how was your trip? He said, it was good. He said, it was. And he said, it was. He said, you didn't go to London. And he says, I did. He says, you didn't. He says, I did. He said, you didn't enjoy it. He says, I did. He says, you didn't. He says, I did. He says, I'd love to have stayed there longer, but I wanted to go onto Paris. He didn't go to Paris. He said, I did. He said, you didn't. He says, I did. And he says, I'd love to stay there longer but I wanted to go on to Rome. And he says, you didn't go to Rome. He says, you didn't. He says, you didn't. He says, I did. And he says, I'd love to have just stayed there, he says, because it was a beautiful place. As a matter of fact, he says, a wonderful thing happened. He says, I got an audition with the Pope. He says, you didn't. He says, I did. He says, you didn't. And he says, you'll never believe what that Pope said. And the barber says, what? And he said, well, he said, I knelt down and I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring. And you know what he said? And the barber says, what? And he says, where the hell did you get that lousy haircut? And I was something like the barber. I was negative. I didn't
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know but I'd heard. So I had to take it this simple. I found out that I had an unmanageable life and in step two I found a manager. Now that's pretty simple, but that's the only way I could understand it. And I took it that way. And then they went on to step three and they said, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand it. Now they're asking me to make decisions. I don't know about you people.
I know Al-Anon doesn't have any problem with decisions, but, but AA people have a lot of problems with decisions. Before I came up here this morning, I was trying to decide whether I should go to the bathroom or not. And right now I don't know whether I've made the right decision or not. But here they're asking me to make decisions, to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand it. And so I did it the simple way. I found out in step one I had an unmanageable life. Step two, I found a manager. And in step three I just had to keep it this simple. Look, I've done a lousy job. How about you looking after things? Now that is stupid, I know, but that's the way I am. And I like to keep things simple because if I don't, if I complicate them, I really get in trouble. I have a friend of mine back home that has a ranch. Another friend says to him, he said, how come you, how did you get the name for your ranch? And he says, well, I wanted to call it the Bar Q. My wife wanted to call it the Susie Q. My daughter wanted to call it the Susie Bar Q. And my boy wanted to call it the Bar Susie Q. So we called it the Bar Q Susie Q Susie Bar Q Bar Susie Q. And the guy said, well, that's a hell of a name, but where are the cattle?
He said, none of them ever survived the branding. So you see, it doesn't pay to complicate things for me. And that's how I had to do it. I had to keep things simple and I did. And then I went on to step four. And they told me that I had to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. Not of you, but of me. For the first time in my life, I had to start looking at me. And they told me to take an inventory and I said, how do you do that? And they said, well, the best way is to get a pencil and a paper. And I tried to tell them there's nothing wrong with me. And they said, write it down. Nothing. And they said, write underneath it, write down you're a liar and you've got a good start. And I went to the book and I found out that it dealt with three things. It dealt with resentments, it dealt with fears, it dealt with sex. And so I start looking at the book and studying the book with the rest of the group. And by God, it was not difficult. I found out who I resented, why I resented them. I found out about these fears and why I had them. And then I went and looked at this thing called sex. Nobody wants to discuss that, you know. And that's really, if you read the book, you know, it doesn't mean those horrible affairs. I know they don't happen in the United States, but in Canada they happen. That's not what it's talking about. It's talking about my motives towards sex. You know, if I was to go home and, you know, had a tough day at the store and my mind is all cluttered up, but perhaps my wife's mind is not all cluttered up and she's thinking of the candles and the whole bit and everything. And, you know, I'm just not that way that night. And the next night, you know, I come home as I haven't had a bad day and I'm thinking the way she was thinking the day before. And she has a legitimate sore back. And I grab the comforter and I go and sleep, you know, on another bed or something. And, you know, I take my football and go home and I pout. Well, that's really not the way to live, you know. That's what it's talking about, our motives towards sex.
Because it can cause a lot of friction. That reminds me of another joke. It doesn't really remind me of that joke. I plan to tell it all the time. This really reminds me of a joke I plan to tell all the time. This fella, he took his beautiful little wife to the zoo, and they got to the zoo, and they're
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looking at the gorilla, and all of a sudden the gorilla goes completely ape, and he rips the bars open, he grabs this poor little woman, and he pulls her into the deal, and he got real friendly with her, and golly shakes, you know, something's going to happen, and the old man is standing watching it, and finally she screams at him, she said, what am I going to do? And the old man says, tell him you got a sore back, I don't know how that ever got into the four step, but that's the only way I can describe it.
So I took that four step, and I wrote down all of those things, and then I went on to step five, and I found out the only tough thing with step five was step four. The moment I did step four, I wanted to do step five, because I'd done two-thirds of it. I'd admitted to God, and I'd admitted to myself when I wrote it down, now I had to go and talk to another human being, and I found a little preacher, and I talked to him, and I found out it wasn't that bad, as a matter of fact, he shared a few things with me.
I found out it wasn't that good, mind you, but I found out that I could confide in this man, and I could get this garbage out and talk about it, and I think that's what you have to do. And you know, I don't think we have to be concerned if we have an experienced counselor, and I know everybody's taken step four and step five, and whether you're an Al-Anon or Al-Ateen or AA in this area, because you're good people, but I just, I'm sharing my experience with you.
I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just telling you how I did it, and don't be afraid of going to somebody and afraid that they will tell people that you can't put this thing out. So many people procrastinate by saying these things, and it's difficult to walk freely down the pathway of life unless you do these things, I found that out because I tried it the other way. And you know, speaking of preachers, I'm going to tell you a little story about preachers.
There was a Catholic priest and an Anglican minister, a priestage, I think Episcopalian or something down here, but Anglicans, we call them back home, a United Church minister and a Presbyterian minister. And they were having a little luncheon together and finally they got talking about, you know, that they really didn't have people to go to when they had problems. You know, everybody came to them, but they really, the only person they could discuss their problems with was a power greater than themselves.
And so they decided that while they sat there having lunch, that they were going to tell each other and sort of bare their souls to each other. And they asked the Catholic priest to start off and he said, look, I'm having a little trouble with the sacramental wine. The Anglican minister jumped right over the table and grabbed him by the hand and he said, oh man, I'm glad to meet you. He said, I've had this problem and he said, I thought no other man of the cloth had it.
And he said, I'm just so glad to hear you say that. He just takes that football right out of my stomach. And the little United Church minister, he jumped across the table, he grabbed them both by the hands and he said, you think you got problems? He said, I have problems not only with the sacramental wine, he said, but I have problems with a couple of cuties in my congregation. And he said, I'm having a real problem.
And he said, but we should have more meetings like this. Let's have a meeting like this every month so we can really bare our souls and put it on the table. And he said, I feel so good that I've told somebody about it. And they look and the Presbyterian minister's sitting there and he hasn't said a word. And so the three of them in unison, they said, haven't you got any defects of character? And he said, yeah, I'm a gossip.
And I don't think we have to worry about an experienced counselor being a gossip. I didn't. This little guy is still a good friend of mine. I go and chat with him once in a while about certain things if I'm having problems. But I, I found out that it was a tremendous thing, but then I found out a horrible thing. It told me to take the book. And it told me immediately after taking step five to take this book here and to find a quiet place and to read step six and seven.
And I found out that I hadn't done too much. I found out that I had had an unmanageable life and that I found a manager and I turned my will and my life over to the care of this manager. I wrote down what was wrong and what was right with me. When I took the inventory, I went and talked to another human being. And then they say, are you entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character?
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They're getting pretty strong. And I found out that I was afraid of becoming too good too fast. And I find out as I go around the country that there's a lot of people in the same boat. They say, if we do that, we'll become saints. Well, you know, I have an audience like this almost every weekend and I haven't met any saints as yet. So don't be afraid of becoming too good too fast. And then they said, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
And have you ever sat around a meeting where they discuss shortcomings and defects of character and the difference? And then we walk away from the meeting and we still have them and it really doesn't matter what the difference is. But here it says, are you entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character? And they humbly asked him to remove my shortcomings. That's pretty strong to ask a person to do.
But that's what they're asking me to do. And as I said, I was afraid of becoming too good too fast. And the only way that I can describe this, and I hate to do it at a spiritual meeting, but the only way I can describe it is, is little, tell a story about little Johnny. And his mother caught him playing with himself. Now there's nothing wrong with that. We read it in all of the big bestsellers and they wouldn't be bestsellers if we weren't buying them, you know.
So please, nobody snub me for saying that. But she said, Johnny, if you don't stop doing that, you're going to go blind. And little Johnny says, well, can I keep it up till I need glasses? No. And I told that story over in Kamloops, British Columbia, one Sunday morning. It just slipped out. I didn't intend to tell it. And when I was finished, this sweet old lady, she looked like she belonged to the Temperance League and she headed right towards me.
And I thought, oh my God, why did I tell that story? And she took me by the hand and she said, Cease, I really love you for the way that you took us through the steps this morning. But she said, I particularly liked that little story about Johnny and the glasses. But she said, as I looked around, did you notice how many alcoholics are wearing glasses? I was entirely ready to have God remove all his defects of character, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
Pretty simple. And when I got to that seventh step, I found out that the only way that I could handle that seventh step is by getting down on my knees. And up until that time, I'd had a difficult time getting down on my knees. I had told people how to pray. I had told them to pray riding in their automobile, riding in a car, riding in an airplane, riding horseback, walking down the street, laying on the bed.
But I'd never, ever told anybody to pray by getting down on their knees because I hadn't been down there myself since I was a kid in Sunday school. And when I was delegate to New York in 1957, I met a man there by the name of Shy Walker. Shy's now dead. Shy told a story and it has meant so much to me. He told a story about how he came out of a prison and how he so much wanted to stay sober and how they told him to pray in the morning and they told him to pray at night and he couldn't get down on his knees.
And he told a story about how, quite by accident one night, when he went to bed, he kicked his high-top boots underneath the bed. And he told a story of how he got up in the morning and he got down on his knees to get his high-top boots. And he said, I thought, well, while I'm down here, I'll say a few words. And every night he used to boot the boots under the bed so that the next morning he could get down and say his prayers.
I don't know whether it works with high-top boots or not, but I do know that it works with Oxfords, plain ordinary shoes, because I tried it. I don't have to do that anymore because I can pray whenever I want to pray and I can get down on my knees because I found out that my definition of humility is a simple thing,
[00:40:00]
something like this, the ability to stand and the willingness to kneel. And that's how I treat step seven. And then it went on to step eight and it asked me to make another list, to make a list of all the people I'd harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. And I put my own name on that list because I'd lost my self-respect. I told you about going to the hospital. I told you how those two men came to see me.
Thank God they came to see me because they were the only people that came to see me while I was in hospital for those five days. A couple of years ago, I was in hospital in my hometown and they had to put a sign on the door that there were no more visitors allowed and they had to usher them in because I had so many visitors because of you beautiful people in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I had to make this list of all the people I'd harmed.
And as I said, I put my own name up top because of the loss of my self-respect. And then I listed the other people and there were many because I assassinated a lot of people's character. To build myself up, I knocked other people down and I had to put their name on the list. And then I went on to step nine where it said, made these direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
And I had to go out and tell people that I was sorry. People that didn't even know that I'd said these things, but I thought maybe they did. And I went and apologized to them. And the toughest amend that I had to make was a lousy $3 amend. Now you people might say, well, he owed $6,200. How could $3 be so tough? One night while I was drinking, I was sitting in a beer parlor and I was running a punch board.
I don't know whether you know what that is, but I bought it in the United States and you punch it and you make a little bit of money. And some fellas came in and they asked me to go to a hockey game with them. And I didn't have any money. And they told me to come on and they'd pay my way into the game. They bought a 12 pack of beer and they sat me in the backseat of their car with the beer. And when we got out, they said, lock the door.
I got out. I didn't lock the door. I went back. I stole the beer. I went down to the army Navy where I used to drink. Somebody stole it from me and you should have heard me. I called them a bunch of thieves. I called them everything. The next day I met the fellas that I'd stolen the beer from and they said, we lost you last night. What happened? And I said, well, I lost you in the crowd. They said, we also lost our beer.
Somebody stole it. I said, isn't it awful? Little town of 28,000 people is just getting like little Chicago or Detroit, I said. Can't leave anything around. These boosters boosting things out of cars. And then I sobered up. Not too long after that, one of these fellas came into the store I worked at. He borrowed $10 from me. And one night my wife and I were coming from a drive-in theater and I went in to buy her some cigarettes.
And there were those two fellas. And I might add that when I went down the main drag of my town, it seemed that every time I came around the corner, I met those two guys and they grinned at me and, oh my God, I had that football in the stomach. He yelled at me and he said, here's a $10 owe you, Cease. And we were working on that lousy step nine. And I thought, well, it's now or never. And I said, how much is a case of beer?
And he said, Cease, don't worry about a case of beer. We love you this way. Just stay this way. And I said, yeah, but just how much is a case of beer? He said, nevermind the beer, Cease. We told you, don't ever drink again. So I dropped $3 on the table and I told them that I was the one that stole their beer the night we went to the hockey game. And then they wouldn't believe me. I wished I'd known that.
And you may say, well, what's so great about that? Well, just figure out what I had to do. Here I am in my community. I'm sober. I have a good job. I've become almost a big shot in my town, if there's such a thing. And all of a sudden, I'm admitting to these guys that I stole a lousy case of I'm admitting to these guys that I stole a lousy case of beer. Think what I had to do at that particular moment.
[00:45:00]
They tell us that we're very self-centered people. I found out by taking these steps in sequence that I whittled a lot of that self-centeredness off as I took each step. But I found out that night that I really whittled myself down to size. Because I admitted that I was a phony, a foul ball, a cheat, a thief, a liar, I was everything. Right there in front of two of my fellow men. But that's not the big thing.
The big thing is, is that those two fellas still live in my town. I still meet them coming around corners. They still grin at me. But the big thing is now, I grin back. For you see, this is what they asked me to do. Is to learn to live comfortably. And I want to walk down that, we have a beautiful street in my town. And I want to walk down there and I want to look people in the eye. And I don't want to walk down back alleys anymore.
And I don't want to zigzag down a street when I'm meeting people and go to the other side of the street. I want to walk down and say, hi, good morning, how are you? And I want to smile. And this is what this program has allowed me to do. And then it told me that I had to continue to take personal inventory. And when I was wrong, promptly admitted it. And that was beautiful. Because that is the step that brought me back to you people when I'd never been away.
Now that's a strange thing. But you see, I was in Alcoholics Anonymous for 10 years. And I was working for the wealthiest man in my city. And I decided that he should be the second wealthiest man. And I got very interested in material things. And in my great struggle to get them, I lost some of those beautiful spiritual things. And I was managing the largest ladieswear store in Saskatchewan. And I was looking after the furs for five stores.
I was quite a wheel, I want you to know that. And I never missed AA meetings. I thought, golly, I'll go to the AA meetings. You know, I had to be there. Couldn't get along without me. But to show you how sick, and I only share this with you because I hope it's not happening to any one of you. But I'm sharing it with you because it happened to me. I used to walk into AA meetings with an attitude something like this.
You lucky people, here I am. If some of you are having problems and want counseling after, perhaps I could spend a few minutes with you. Now that's sick. And that's how I got. And I lost that big job I had. I got fired. And a beautiful little gal who's now dead, and she was my cousin, she was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And she came to visit me, and I know she just didn't come to visit me. I know that she was sent by somebody bigger than us.
And she came to visit me when I was having these problems. And I was an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I want you to know that. And she came to see me. Another dear old man by the name of Dave Murray, who is now dead, he came by to take me to a conference like this on a weekend. And I went downtown and I bought myself a new suit, some new clothes, and I went down to see my little cousin. And I stood up in front of her in my big egotistical way, and I said, well kid, how do I look?
And she said these few simple words, and I'm going to share them with you this morning because these are the words that brought me back to you people. She said, you look real good on the outside, cease, how are you really on the inside? And I drove to this conference with dear old Dave, and Dave didn't speak, he just let me drive the car, because he knew that maybe something was happening to cease.
And I came back to my hometown and I went in business for myself, and I went back to AA meetings with the right motives, I continued to do institutional work with the right motives, and I got back to you beautiful people because of what that little girl said to me. Because you see, I hadn't continued to take a personal inventory, and I hadn't admitted when I was wrong. And I heard a little story, your attorney general of Oklahoma told it at Apache, about
[00:50:02]
the little boy that went into this drugstore, and he asked to use the telephone because he didn't have money to put into the pay station. And the druggist took him back to the phone, and the little boy picked the phone up, and he said, tell me ma'am, do you have a boy to cut your grass? Oh, you have? Tell me ma'am, is he doing a good job? He is? Well, I'm real glad. And he hung the phone up. And the druggist walked him to the door and he said, son, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.
And he said, I'm sorry you didn't get the job. And the kid looked up at him and he said, sir, I already have the job. I was just checking up on myself. And just think, if we could keep it that simple, if we could keep it that simple, that's all it asks us to do. And sometimes we muff it. And I hope that none of you do it the way I did it. But I know that I had to do it that way to get to where I am today.
Because I find out that the only way I can grow in this program is through pain. And I've had my share of pain. And that's what I'm trying to share with you people. And why do they say, when you're wrong, promptly admit it? Did you ever have an argument with somebody early in the morning? Maybe you're right or maybe you're wrong. But if you have an argument, you're wrong. And did you ever go to work, or maybe you had the argument at work, and did you ever go for coffee and tell somebody else about what somebody said to you and they wounded you deeply and you tell a few lies?
Before the day's out, you've told it to 15 people and it became worse and the football got in your stomach. Where if you'd have said early in the morning, I'm sorry, you would have had a much better day. And I find this out. And I found it out through this beautiful step. And you see, I don't like saying I'm sorry. So I find out that I'm not wrong too much anymore. I don't like being wrong because I don't like to say I'm sorry.
But if I have to, I will. Because I don't like living with that football in my stomach. I like to walk in here this morning and be with you people and tell you that I love you and flying all through the night last night meant nothing to me because it meant that I was coming to see you people. But it wasn't a great struggle on my part. It was the fact that I was doing what I'm supposed to do in this beautiful fellowship.
I was going where people wanted me to go and thank God people wanted me to go. And I'd better never forget it. And I'd better take that step each and every day. And then it went into step 11 and it said, sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. The very fact that I can say that is a miracle.
The fact that I know what it means is a bigger miracle. And the fact that I know about prayer and the fact that I can pray and the fact that I can get down on my knees and talk to my loving God is a great thing to me. And prayer to me is not asking for something or thanking for something. Prayer to me is just talking, communication, just talking to a loving God. Looking out of that airplane today and saying, isn't that beautiful country?
And knowing that God is responsible for it. This is what it means to me, but this is what you people taught me. This is no big deal with me, you people taught it to me. And the meditation, the very fact that I can listen for answers is big. And the fact that I know that it's God's will for me and the power to carry that out. I told you about getting fired from that big store. I'll tell you another story about that big store.
Not too long ago, a few years ago, but it's not that long ago, I remember it very well. One of those stores came up for sale. And to show you how the keen alcoholic mind, they call it, how it works. I thought, wouldn't it be terrific if I could buy that store that I got fired from. And I'd have my picture in the paper, be on television.
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Everybody would say, isn't that wonderful, old C. Scott fired, now he owns the store. That's what I thought. And I set up a company, bought the store. I was president of the company. I was manager of the store. And we did real well. We increased the volume three times. And we went bankrupt. And I don't know whether any of you have ever gone bankrupt or not. I don't know whether any of you have ever been bankruptcy court.
But I'd been to a golf tournament, and it's really not the time to go playing golf before you go to a bankruptcy court. Seems that you can't concentrate on what you're doing. And I left the golf tournament. And I was sitting in my first store at 7.30 in the morning, and I'm going to bankruptcy court. And we have a friend back home, a fellow I sponsored in 1956, Ramona knows him very well. His name is Mac.
And he lives 600 miles from where I live. And the phone rang at 7.30 in the morning, and I'm sitting there, and I wasn't feeling too well. And all of a sudden, this cheerful voice comes on the phone. How are you this morning, old buddy? How's my sponsor? You know, and I didn't need any of that. And he said, you know, I was just thinking something on my way to work. And I said, what were you thinking?
And he said, I was thinking that maybe God decided you shouldn't be in the ladieswear business. And he hung up. Here was a guy that I taught everything I knew, you know. I sponsored him, brought him along, and loved him and everything. And you don't need guys like that when you're going to bankruptcy court. But today I know that it's true, that God did decide, I accept that, that I shouldn't be in that lousy ladieswear business.
Sometimes I think about going back in, but, you know, I'm going to borrow some money from some wealthy person in Oklahoma, I'm going to have it probably financed. But this is what they told me. And you know, I'll tell you, one time I found myself, to show you some of the things I've done, and you're probably going to think I'm crazier than hell, and I think I am. One morning, not too many years ago, I found myself one morning going to work, driving my car, having an argument with a guy that lived 1,300 miles away from me, I was going to meet him 2,000 miles away the other way at a fur convention, and I'm having an argument out loud, and he's not there.
And that's a tough thing to do because you've got to figure out what he's saying. So I got to my store, and I hadn't finished the argument. I drove around the block twice, and at a quarter to nine in the morning, I'm, I'm played out from having an argument with a guy that didn't even, wasn't even thinking about me. And so I found out that I had to start my day just a little bit differently. And I have a room at home, and it's a beautiful place, and I have a lot of plaques that I get from conventions and places all over the walls, and I have all of my books in there.
And every morning, I go in and I read page 86 and 87 of the big book, I read the last part of Vision for You on page 164, I read page 63, and I read some as Bill sees it, and I have other books. I have a book that Wesley P. from Pompno Beach, who's a very good friend of yours and a good friend of mine, gave to me. It's called 365 Days a Year. I may read something by Emmett Fox. Sometimes I read the Bible.
I do that every morning. And then I get down on my knees and I talk to my loving God. And you may wonder why I do that. I'll tell you why I do it. I don't like having those stupid arguments with somebody that's not there. And I tell you another thing. I go down to my store, and I get there before my staff gets there. And I greet them the way that I want them to greet me. And I greet them the way that I want them to greet customers.
And I have a beautiful staff. And the reason I have a beautiful staff is because they work with me, and they don't work for me.
[01:00:03]
And they allow me to be where I am almost every weekend. Because they too, some of them, are on this program. And it's beautiful. And then it says, Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as the Result of These Steps. We tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as the Result of These Steps. Now some of you may think that this is some stupid Canadian propaganda that I'm feeding you.
Well, I'll tell you, I bought this book in the United States. And I hope that you're reading it. You know, I once heard, if you want to hide something from a member of Alex Anonymous, hide it in his big book. But that's not so in this area, I know. Having Had a Spiritual Awakening as the Result of These Steps. What steps are they talking about? I believe they're talking about the previous eleven steps, taken in sequence.
And you know, when they read that beautiful thing and they said, Here are the steps we took, which are suggested. And so many people stop there and they say those steps are just suggested. But if you read the rest of it, it says as a program of recovery. And I want to recover. And believe me, I've been privileged to recover through these twelve steps. And then it says we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics.
I've made probably a thousand twelve-step calls. And every one of them has been a success. Some of the people are still drinking. Some of them are dead. Some of them are in mental hospitals. Some of them are in treatment centers. Some of them are in prison. Some of them have short terms of sobriety. Others have long terms of sobriety. But the reason I say that every one has been a success is the fact that old Cease is still sober.
And that's all they asked me to do, was to try to carry the message. What message are they talking about? I believe they're talking about the message that I learned in those twelve steps. Taking them in sequence. And I think it's difficult to carry a message if you haven't got a message. Like I used to do. I had a part of step one, half of it. A third of step twelve. And they called me a two-stepper.
Now a third and a half doesn't make two. Even with my limited amount of education I figured that one out. So I wasn't even a two-stepper. And I found out that this message is so beautiful. But who is the alcoholic that still suffers? You know there's a great deal on today to get a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous. Well I would ask you people to do one thing. Think of all the people that are here this morning.
And I guarantee there's some people in this room who are suffering. That they have a football in their stomach. And when this meeting is over this morning, take the person by the hand beside you and tell them that you love them and that you want them and that you need them. Because we're running out getting people and we can't even look after the people we've got. And it doesn't matter whether we're at Al-Anon, Al-Ateen or Alcoholics Anonymous.
We're getting them in and we're not keeping them. So I believe we should be carrying the message to the people that are sitting right beside us. And the other people will come. Thank you. And it's said to practice these principles in all our affairs. Once again the principles that we've learned through these beautiful twelve steps. And those are the principles that I like to feel that I'm privileged to live.
And you know I'm a pretty grateful guy. Because I know that there's some of you people that have families. And I'm going to share this with you because several years ago I had a little daughter
[01:05:01]
that looked like me, talked like me, smiled like me, walked like me, danced like me. And she started to drink and she drank like me. And when she was 23 years of age, one night she phoned me and told me that she wanted to come to this fellowship. Thank God I was still active. Thank God I had kept that communication with that daughter. For I just put her on a plane the other day to go back. She lives about 2500 miles from me.
And she's sober. A week ago last Thursday night I met her. I was going to Vermont and she was coming to visit me. And she was going to stay till this weekend. And I said, I'm sorry honey I have to go away. And she said, well I'll see you next weekend. And I said, I'm sorry I'm going away next weekend. And she said, it's okay dad. Just keep what you do. Keep doing what you're doing. And I tell that story because I want you people, if you're having problems with communicating with your children.
I can remember the day that I was having this problem with this gal. And I took her for lunch. And I said, honey, I don't know what to say. All I can say is that I love you. And she said, you've said it. And just try that. And she has a little daughter that I love so much. Three and a half years old. And when I was coming home from a convention in eastern Canada, I brought her with me about three or four weeks ago.
And the second morning, the first morning she was at the house, when she got up I was in doing my reading. And she knocked on the door. And my wife said, grandpa is reading. Leave him alone. And she said, but I want to tell him something. And I said, let her come in. She came in and got up on my knees. And I told her what I was doing. And I told her why I was doing it. And then I said, what did you want to tell me, honey?
And she said, I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And I was able to tell her that I loved her too. And know what it's all about. And I know that's not a big deal for you people. But it's a big deal for me because I can understand it today. And I'll be catching a plane to go back to Canada. And I want to apologize for not being at all of your conference. But I think you understand. But I know I've had a great time just being with you the amount of time I've been with you.
And I found out something in Alcoholics Anonymous that is so important. I found out that I loved everybody through this fellowship. But I found out that some people didn't like me. And I guess that's the way it is. And I'm going to share one more story with you. The story about two psychiatrists. A little one and a big one. And they used to get in an elevator every morning. And when the big psychiatrist got off on the fourth floor, he used to spit on the little psychiatrist.
Spit right on him. And after a month, the little elevator boy says, why does that big guy spit on you every morning? And the little psychiatrist says, that's his problem. So I just want you people to know that I love every one of you. And if some of you don't like me, there's a message there somewhere. But keep smiling the way you've been smiling. My God, I just can't stand alcoholics who walk around with their chin in their navel.
Don't be miserable. Take what this program has to offer. You know, I'll just share this one with you. I once heard of an alcoholic that gave his wife a cemetery plot for Christmas. Oh, isn't that a hell of a thing? And the next year she says to him, what are you going to give me this year? And he says, hell, you haven't used last year's gift yet.
[01:10:03]
And then there was this sweet little Al-Anon girl. She must have been from Oklahoma. She had lots of money. And she just couldn't sober her husband up, no how. And she decided to take him on a trip. And she was a good living Al-Anon woman. And she decided to take him to Europe. And she got in a plane, and he was drunk when they got in the plane. He got drunker on the plane. He got drunker over there.
And they went for a walk. And they came to one of these big wishing wells. And they stood beside this wishing well. And they threw their money in. And that poor damn drunk, he fell in there and drowned. And you know what that sweet little Al-Anon girl said? She said, holy hell, this thing really works. I don't think that that's practice in the princess. But there's a little town just outside of Omaha, Nebraska.
It's a little town called Boys Town. And as you drive up this little town, you see a statue. It's a statue of one little boy carrying another little boy. And you can tell by the way that he's stooped over, by the sweat on his brow, that he's having a very difficult time. But underneath are words something like this. No, Lord, he is not heavy, for he is my brother. And that's what I've learned in this beautiful fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And I hope that that's what you've learned. To be brothers and sisters and to love each and every one. And I'm going to close this talk the way that I close every talk that I ever give. And I only hope that it will help somebody as much as it helped me. Every one of you look real good on the outside this morning. How are you really on the inside? God bless you.