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Source: DICOBE-00479 – Jim W – ARKANSAS STATE CONV – 1978-08-06.mp3 File: dicobe-00479-jim-w-arkansas-state-conv-1978-08-06.mp3 Duration: 01:27:28
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Don't have to worry about it, I'll screw that up. There's something about me, I've just always been able to do that. I could even do it when I was trying not to do it. But I am Jim W., and an alcoholic. And Anna, I know you got a lot of flack from Gene and a few of those other people, but I appreciate you having me anyway. Well, I'm nervous, by God, I wasn't going to be nervous this time. But see, that's why I try not to do it, I do it every time.
I was raised in a little town out in West Texas. I didn't have any choice at all, I just woke up and there I was. Didn't have a thing in the world to do with it. Some of y'all might have been born too, I don't know, but I was one of those that was. And they programmed me from the beginning. And there's a guy standing up there just like me, a little bit different in character probably, but he kept doing this.
If you think it, you might as well have done it. Well, hell, I did. I was thinking it before I even knew what it was. Well, I finally told one of them. I said, you know, I get around that girl, I get those funny feelings. And they said, oh, you need to join up with us. I said, oh. You know, my throat's been bothering me. You know, at this place where they programmed me, they sang one more stanza for that one right back there.
Of course, that was me. You know, this group, this group where I am, they come on you. They pick one out until they get him. Well, finally I did it. I got his heart, kind of like an egg, except it don't give out chips. And I walked way down there, my throat was killing me. And I was nervous. And I got down there. But after you get down there and get over the first deal, God, they come down there and hug you and kiss you, just like an egg, tell you how great you are.
You know you're not, but hell, what difference does it make? And then, of course, that night, they announce it and they put you in the tank, and the hanker fleeks. You choke a little, but you come out okay, you know. Next day I went to school and saw that girl, there it was, came right back. So I went back and told them, I said, we're going to have to do it again. They said, no, you just don't do it.
And that was when my first brain damage began. And I said, how do you do it? He said, don't think about it. My God! Can you imagine me getting up every morning and saying, I'm not going to think about it? Well, I'll guarantee you really can't think about it, try not to think about it all night. I didn't do it. I got to be 16 not doing it. In this town where I was raised, they didn't sell beer or whiskey because anybody who did that was bad.
And there was one guy who did that. He drank wine and bay rum and slept downtown, and he was bad. And I knew I never did want to be like him, so I always tried to get out of town and never drink bay rum. This guy and I slipped away, 30 miles away, to have our first beer. We heard they had a place over there. And we went over there and they called them Honky Tonks, and we opened that door, and my God, there was a deacon with a warm girl in one hand and a cold beer in the other.
And I said, my God, let's get out of here. He'll tell Jesus on us and we're through and didn't even get to do it.
[00:05:11]
I should have known then I was never going to get to do anything. When you get caught before you do it, you might as well forget it. We had two beers and two beers only. It didn't do a thing for me. And it didn't taste good, didn't smell good, didn't do anything for me, and I watched him all the time. He never looked at me. Then I went home and the next morning I waked up and I wanted to go to church for the first time in my life, because I said, maybe he hadn't been going.
And sure enough I went and sure enough there he was, looked sad like he always did. I had no idea, he just felt bad. I thought he was that way. Then I had my first spiritual awakening. Maybe you can do it a little bit and just don't tell anybody. I couldn't wait to see my friend and said, everything's going to be all right now, we're going back next Saturday, but don't tell anybody. And we went back next Saturday and I learned how to do everything but adultery in one night.
I learned that, I just, you know, don't get through a lot of things when you drink. You just get tied up, I don't know. Waked up the next morning, I learned to do everything. I danced, and you know how we are about dancing, Baptist and Southern. Don't touch her, you know, thank God you'll do something. You'll feel something, there you did. The Ten Commandments were, don't drink, don't commit adultery, dance or play cards.
I don't know what the other six were, nobody ever did those. And they're Catholic, they drank. That's all I ever knew about the Catholics until I got to AA. My second sponsor told me, he says, there seems to be two that have the hardest time program. Once they get it there, all right, that's the Southern Baptists and Catholics. Well, after I learned how to do it, that first night, that guy called me the next day and said, how do you feel?
And I said, God, I feel terrible. He said, yeah, but you had a great time. I said, oh, well. You ought to have a good time. And the part of it is, you feel better the next morning. Well, I knew you couldn't do it often, you'd get caught. So I just did it a lot when I did it. So I don't know how you do it a little bit, I never did do it that way. And everything else I ever did from then on, I never did do it that way either.
Didn't make any of it what it was. Just do it till you die right there on the spot. I knew this one day at a time right quick, because every time may be your last. Had a war and I went. I didn't want to go, but it's better to stay where I was. I never did fit, but I tried. Never did fit. God, I did everything. I gave my mind, body to anything that I thought it'd fit. Never did fit. They're going to go do that.
I didn't want to go do that. God, I wish I didn't have to go to hell, but I got to go do that, see if it'll fit. Didn't fit. Never did I fit. But I was better when I had a drink or two. And I could get to think it's a good thing. You know, you get to where you didn't have to think at all. I liked to drink the way I drank. I didn't get any relief until I drank. My God, I had brain damage. Bad. Till I drank, I got some relief.
I didn't get brain damage from drinking. I got relief. My God, that's what I needed. My God, I got baptized. I got rededicated ten times.
[00:10:00]
Couldn't get any relief. I'd go get rededicated and cry, and they'd hug me and kiss me. If they hugged me and kissed me, I'd feel so good I'd have to have a beer. Had a minor problem with women. Probably could have been the way I thought. I used to go with the same girl for about a year because they told me, don't go with anybody you couldn't marry. And I knew you couldn't go with the same girl. A different girl, they were weak.
Looked bad. So I just fell in love and stayed that way for a year. And it got so bad, I'd have to change girls. But I was blessed with this thing that I had, that I was capable if you lined ten pretty girls up there, I'd get that sick one every time. I think the reason I never failed except once, and she only went with me once, was that I think that started when I was about ten. And I kept thinking about it so long that I already had the knack of it by the time I found one.
I used to see those guys and just meet a girl and go with her right then, but I had to wait. She might not be sick enough for me. My love affairs were total. It took about three weeks that we could not live with or without each other. There wasn't any way. You know, I always started at the motel as quick as possible, and my love affairs deteriorated from there on out. Took about a year for them to go bad, bad, bad.
I never quit one just because it was bad. Never had anything bad until it got horrible. Then I knew what it was. You quit them too quick, you'll have to have another one, you know. I used to love to taper out of one into the other when the old one was bad and the new one was fantastic. But I liked two different things going at one time anyway. Keeps you moving. Throwing up moving. Well, I finally began to have a little difficulty where I worked.
I don't know why. Just one of those kind of guys, I guess. I'd explain to them what they were doing wrong and insist upon them changing it. And, of course, they never did treat me right. Most places I worked were very hard to handle. Majority of them wanted me to work on their time. Bad about Mondays, bad about Mondays. I thought, God, I wish I could find a place that's not bad about Mondays. I thought if I just signed some place, it starts on Tuesday.
You can get sick on Wednesday, but never on Monday where I worked. I didn't notice it for quite a while, like 15 years, that I was always the one that was leaving. I didn't notice it until recently. Some of those businesses are still operating doing it wrong. Just shows you, you don't have to know much to be in business all day long. Finally, I got out with a job, and I went to all my friends, and they said, you wouldn't want this job.
And, Jim, we can't help you get one. We don't know what you need today. Well, you know, being a Baptist, I couldn't drink in the morning because I didn't want to be an alcoholic. Because I heard they drank wine, bay rum, and drank in the morning. So I never did drink before 1030, which is noon for Baptists. Unless I was off or just wasn't tied up, you know. Which is, when you're off, it's different from vacation.
I knew you needed to eat. I never did wine. I know why I needed to eat, but I went through a lot of that trouble. While I was off that time, I went out to golf course that morning and ate this old egg and that old piece of toast. I know they was old. They went down old. Then I went around to my favorite place where my advisor was. He said, I believe you need a beer. You look terrible. I said, my God, it's only 9.15.
He said, well, in your condition, I don't think it makes any difference. Not a Thing That Makes Any Difference, So I Broke My Rule, Drank Half That Beer and
[00:15:05]
Sprayed The Golf Course With It, I Never Did Mind The Spraying, Unless I Quit My Concentration and Let It Get In My Nose, It Got An Irritation Because I Know Better, You Know I Know How To Spray Without Any Trouble At All, Now The Stringy Stuff Is Just Me And God In The Commode, You Don't Know Where The End Is and You Sure As Hell Can't Breathe, You Know, Cause It Goes Back, That's When I First Learned About Meditation, It's Me, God and That Commode and We Don't Know Whether We're Staying or Going, Well I Went Back Home, Went In The Living Room, Called All The Jim W.'s Together, We Had A High Level Meeting, We Decided Since The Work Was So Bad, Couldn't Get A Job, People Hadn't Treated Me Right, Getting Low On Money Again, I Just Commit Suicide, Well It Was Before Overdose Was Popular, You Know, These Were The Days When You Had To Do It Cold Turkey, You Know, It's A Tougher Living Than It Is Now, You Can Duck It, You Know, I Still Recommend It, If You're Going To Commit Suicide Cold Turkey Is The Best One, Cause Then You'll Remember It, If You Overdose You're Going To Miss Everything But The Pump, This Was When Razor Braids Were Popular, But I'd Been To School But Nobody Ever Taught You What To Do, I Don't Know Why They Don't Teach Suicide, My God We're Going To All Need It, But They Don't Do It, Don't Do It, Took A Psychology Course, Didn't Teach It At All, Well The Only Thing I Knew About It I Read In The Paper, They Cut Their Wrists, Well I Knew Right Off Hand, Not Knowing Anything About It, You Couldn't Do It In The Living Room, My God You'd Get Blood All Over The Carpet, And I'm Always Thinking Of Others, So I Went To The Bathroom, My Favorite Place Anyway, Got My Razor Blade And Sat On The Throne, Cut Both Wrists, Just A Little Bit, I Never Had That Before You Know, Don't I Have, And I'm Sober, Half A Beer And I Lost That, And I'm Sitting There Thinking About Where I'm Going, Listening To The Drip, And The Phone Rang, My God I Had To Have Another Meeting, What If Where I'm Going I Always Wonder Who That Was Called, That Would Be Enough To Run You Crazy, So I Put A Band-Aid On My Wrist Right Quick, Answered The Phone And It Was The Police, They're A Lot Like Ministers, Come Go Along With Me, They Train Them All In The Same Place, Except Police Always Had A Personality Change, They Need This Program Back, Never Had One Yet When I Started To Explain Where I Was Going, That They Didn't Have A Personality Change, And They Always Insist Do It Their Way, I Learned Humility, I Just Didn't Know That's What I Was Learning, This Guy Said Where Were You Last Night, And I Said Right Here, And He Said Oh No You Wasn't, I Said How Do You Know, He Said Where Is That, And I Said Oh, I Don't Ever Like To Talk To Anybody Who Knows More About Where I've Been Than I Do, Well, He Said Either Come Down Here Or We'll Come Out There, So I Said I'll Be Right Down, And Then I Had Another High-Level Meeting, My God It's Only Eleven, I've Had A Hell Of A Day, You Know, I'm Really Worn Out, I Need A Nap, I Thought Well Maybe I've Been Here Long Enough, I'll Just Leave, I've Got Seventeen Dollars, Which Is Darn Near Rich, So I Just Left, Then I Ended Up Going One Way, Not Really Knowing, And I'm Only About Thirty-Three, Which Is Just Barely Out Of The Coup, You Know, Not Far, I'm Thinking About Getting
[00:20:04]
Weaned Away A Little Further Now, Not Too Far Yet, I'm Not Sure, Tried To Get Drunk That Night And Couldn't, Stuff Was Beginning To Not Work, I Had To Regroup Or Something, And I Was On My Way To Lubbock, Now I Didn't Know Why, But My Folks, I Called Them, I Thought I Might Call Them, Just In Case They Remembered Me, And They Said Where Are You Going, I Said I'm Going To Lubbock, And They Said What For, I Said To See A Friend, I Hadn't Met Him Yet, But I Knew He Was There, You Know, Said Why Don't You Come By Here, And I Got A Little Relief From Total Fright, See I Was Down To Six Dollars, And I Knew Always, I Could Have Probably Died Drunk If I Just Got My Finances Straight, I Went By There And Gave Them The Full Treatment, I Never Did Go In There And Try To Get Money Without Giving Them The Full Show About How Horrible Things Are, Things Never Were Bad With Me, Remember, Only Horrible, And When I Get Through Telling Them What They Did To Me, Old John Said, And Then Cry Right At The End When You're Supposed To, Well Hell, It's So Sad You're Listening, By God, You Didn't Know It Was That Bad Either, You Know, God, When I'd Hear How Bad It Really Was, I'd Cry Every Time, I Never Knew Until I'd Tell Them. Then She Said, Well John, Let Him, John, What Do You Think? John Says, Well, By God, He's Honest, Let Him Have A Hundred. God, It's Amazing How That Light Comes On, Out Of That Total Darkness, You See That Little Pin Light Right Down There, And You Know, All I Gotta Do Is Sweat Her Out Right Through Here, Just Die Tonight, And I'll Be Alright Tomorrow. And The Next Day I Left, And I Said, You'll Never Have To Worry About Me Getting Into A Mess Again, And I'll Never Drink Again As Long As I Live. And Then I Got Up, And Of Course, When I Got In The Car, I Knew It Was A New Day, In A New World, And I Thought, God, I Remember Knowing A Guy That Went To The Rio Grande Valley, I'll Bet It's Fantastic Down There, Only Five Or Six Hundred Miles Anyway, And I'm Not Tied Up, And Just Happened To Have Everything I've Got With Me. So I Drove Right Around Fort Worth, And Stopped Right There, And I Said, How Far Is It To Waco? And They Said, One Hundred Miles. I Said, Let Me Have Three Beers. But That's Not Drinking. So I Went Down To The Valley, And Started My Deal Down There. I Was Pretty Good About Working When I Get A Job About Not Screwing Up For A Few Months, Till I Could Get Up There Where I Belong. I Just Didn't Get Too Drunk, Till I Got Up There Where I Belonged. And When I Got Where I Belonged, And I Could Do My Thing, And Got That Work Over With, God, You Bet You, That Stuff, God To Have It Every Day, You Know. I Liked The Court Drinking. It Was Such A Fascinating Life, You Never Did Remember. I Wonder If We Did Anything Last Night. You Can't Call Back And Ask. What If You Did? You Can't Call Back And Say, Honey, Do We Have A Good Time Last Night? You Never Get To Find Out. I Used To Call Back Those Parties That They Quit Inviting Me To, And I'm Glad, Because It Was Miserable. I Just Barely Remembered Telling That Guy What He Was, When He Hadn't Asked. I Didn't Know Whether I Was Thorough Or Not, But People Used To Indicate I Was. And They Never Would Tell Me. They Saw, Oh, That Was Okay, Jim, You Just Got Drunk. But Little Things Would Come To Me, And They'd Say, You Know, I Like Him, Except When He's Drinking. Well, Finally, I Found This Girl That Went With Me On Occasions When We Could Make It. You Know, You Call Around Three Or Four, You See About 738, And Then Two Or Three Days Later, You Didn't Get There. You Just Get So Tied Up Drinking. I Just Was Tied Up. Hell, It Keeps You Busy. You Got To Get Up In The Morning, Throw Up, And Go To Work, Come Back And Get Drunk. It's Just, You're, Hell, You're Just Tied Up. I Did The Best I Could, By God, I Tried. I Just Stopped Off To Have A Beer On The Way Over There. And By The Time I Was Supposed To Be There, I Was Getting Ready To Go To Bed.
You Can See I'm A Hell Of A Catch, And I'm Only 35. We Had Three Good Fights. The Last One We Had
[00:25:09]
Was In The Bathroom, Her House, Because I Was Getting Ready To Go Over To See Another Girl That I Thought Of. And That Screws Everything Up, See. And When You Have A Fight In The Bathroom, It's A Bad Place. There's A Lot Of Hard Surfaces Around. They're Small Places Anyway. And You're Kind Of Hugging Around, You Know, And Hitting Each Other, And Slapping Around. And You Get Off Balance, You Fall In The Bathtub, And You Cut Yourself, And Get Bloody, And All That Junk Gets All Over You, You Know. It Looks Bad. Nothing Wrong With It, It's Just A Bad Place To Fight.
Well, That Was Our Third One, Our Bad One, And They Called The Preacher In On This One. He Came And Waked Me Up, And Of Course, It Just Happened To Be One Of Those Mornings That Sometimes I Used To Sleep In My Clothes, Because I Guess I Needed To Be Prepared For Wherever I Was Going Early. And This Was One Of Them, And He Knocked On My Door, And Had Blood All Over My Shirt Accidentally. I Didn't Know That, But I Did. And Then About Three Days Later, We Decided To Get Married, This Girl And I. She Was Well, You Can Tell That Already. And The Preacher Said, I Don't Know Whether You Ought To Get Married Or Not, But Something Needs To Happen To You That Hadn't Been Happening. He Called Me A Reprobate, And I Wouldn't Look That Up. But He Said, There'll Be No Drinking Before This Funeral, Uh, Ceremony. And I Said, My God, You're Going To Have It At Ten O'Clock. Well, We Did. We Hooked It Up. My God, The Best Friends We Had, The Longest Bet Was Three Weeks. We Proved Them Wrong. We Hung In There For Eight Years. We Developed Such A Beautiful Hate For Each Other, That We Were Safe, Because The One That Died First Won. But I Know Now I Needed That To Get To You. Because My Life Changed. I Had No Idea How Great It Was Before Her. To Get Up In The Morning And Throw Up In Peace, I Never Realized How Great That Was. She's Telling Me Through That Door What I Was. And I've Got To Get Upset, Dress, Go To Work, Which I Hate, And Run Out And Get Drunk, Come Home, Tell Her What She Was. We Did That One Day At A Time.
The Only Good Day We Ever Had, We Was Just Both Too Tired. Well, I Went Back To The Preacher. I Said, Preacher, We're Not Doing Any Good. And I'm Miserable, And I Can't Stand It. He Said, You Know What's Wrong With You? You're Missing The Beauty Of Life. I Said, That's It. Go Out, The Fruit Trees Are In Bloom. Go Out And Look At The Blossoms. God, I Ran And Jumped In The Car And Went Home. And I Said, Get In The Car.
And He Said, What For? I Said, We're Going To Go Look At The Blossoms. She Said, The Blossoms? I Said, Yeah, We're Missing The Whole Damn Thing. I Ran By The Hop Shop, Got A Six Pack Of Beer, An Oat And Cap One, And Took Out Down The Valley. He Said, Eighteen Miles To Matamoros, Rolled To Matamoros, Switched To Tequila, Blacked Out, And Missed The Whole Damn Thing. Went Back To Him And Said, It Didn't Work.
Didn't work. He said, you know, Troy, the doctor, has learned self-hypnosis. He gave
[00:30:06]
it to Johnny's wife, and she couldn't lose weight. After 12 treatments, she lost 40 pounds. Would you go do it? I said, sure. I knew Troy. And I went to Troy, and I said, Troy, you know, I drank some. He said, oh, yeah, we all do that. Well, I'm ready for whatever he's got. We're not going to discuss drinking. Well, I took three treatments, and after the third treatment, practicing every day, I got to where I could lay down there on that couch, the old washerman ain't be letting me have it. I didn't hear a word. I said, this is the most fantastic thing I ever got into in my life. And he went to California to a convention and died with a heart attack.
I'm sorry he had to die, but thank God I didn't get that. Can you imagine me and my fantastic mind and self-hypnosis? And I'll tell you that it'd been wrong till I hung me up. Well, I end up out in West Texas changing jobs again. I got to go to work for a drug company because he was a drunk like me. And he and I understood each other, and he and I knew what I needed. And sure enough, I needed a job because I lost that last one. And sure enough, I couldn't find one. And sure enough, he was a good guy who had compassion for people like me. He interviewed me in a normal day. He said, no use going to the office. Meet me at the cafe about 1030. And I did. He said, would you like a beer? And I said, oh, one, I guess. We drank a few, and he said, let's go look at the territory. We looked at it, went down to Fort Isabel and Padre Island, had a sandwich about three, which is normal. Don't eat too heavy. Stayed around there about eight or nine o'clock, and went to the last little joint, said, let's have one more and go home, and had to make two.
About that time, a guy came in who demonstrated boats. Getting a little dark around nine o'clock. This guy wanted to demonstrate the boat to him, and there's two girls there from Kansas. We hadn't seen them yet. We were close friends. They wanted to go, and I got the beer, and we all went. One girl and him behind me, and I was up in the front, and one girl and this guy here. We were just having a normal interview. This guy opens the boat up, and goes underneath the causeway, and then all of a sudden, lights went out. Then I hear a voice in the distance say, Jim, you got to help me. You got to help me. Well, I didn't know what I was doing, you know. And finally, I realized that that gal went there, and this guy went here, and I went on top of him, and them other two folks was back there awake. We had hit a piling, and the windshield come down through here, and clipped us all off here, you know. And just, just beautiful setup. Nothing going on, just having a good time. Fortunately, we got out from underneath the piling, and I couldn't breathe, and I was dying, and they made me back there in the water, and I said, I'm not gonna make it. And of course, everybody knew that. They wasn't, they was afraid they wasn't gonna make it either. The water took us back underneath the causeway, and this guy, some guy hollered, said, y'all all right? This guy said, no. Put us in the car, and I went over to see the doctor, who I knew, and he says, I said, hey, doc. He said, my God, y'all are in bad shape. I said, yeah, we had a boat wreck. He said, oh, Jim, you know, I don't do anything but abortions. I said, oh my God, that's right. Every place I go doesn't work, you know. They took us to the hospital, and at two o'clock in the morning, we got there, and some idiot called our wives. Here come old What's-Her-Name down there, and she checked. This isn't her, by the way. And I'll guarantee you, she checked the women out first. They thought I had a ruptured spleen, so they were working on me, and they were leaving her alone, and she was moaning and crying because she had a broken leg in three places. Poor thing. But there was one thing you don't have to worry about. Our bondage was working before we get here. We were all in separate hospitals, and three weeks later, insurance men came by, and every one of us just had two beers. You don't mind if I drink your water, do you?
The things I have, I just catch them, you know. I got the job, which is natural. I applied for it and got it. After we all got out of the
[00:35:06]
hospital, and that guy thought about it longer than I thought he'd think about it, in two months, they sent me out to West Texas to learn the business. They send you to West Texas because nobody will go. Not a lot of people on that little stage. Those little trees are only about that high up there. They're about 50 or 60 miles, and there ain't nothing. The prairie dogs don't even get out that far. But then I was standing in those drugstores in no total flight. It was amazing how all I had to do was just get up, not do anything, think a little, and go into total fright. I don't know how I learned to do that. A lot of people can't do that. I can.
You know, it's amazing. You walk down the street now, and a lot of people don't understand me at all. They're getting ready to go home, and I say, Bye. They say, Bye. We laugh. They're thinking about going home and going to the movie, and I'm thinking about suicide. It's amazing how different we think. But I learned something out there. They won't let you drink and call on drugstores. Don't let you do that. I don't know why I frown on it. Well, they just don't let you do it at all.
That pharmacist says, My God, you're nervous. I said, You betcha. I have this a lot, you know. I don't know what it is. It just comes on me. He said, Well, take some of these. I said, Oh. Well, I took one, and it doesn't happen. You know, God, hell, I waited, oh, 10 or 15 seconds. So I took two more, and nothing's happening. I took one more, and then I had to learn a new deal. You know, I knew how to weave. I remember one time I just fell in a bush just because I wanted to. I could have kept from it.
But I learned how to do it. So, well, I used to just practice, you know. But when you take those things, it's different. They don't do a hell of a lot for you, but you'd be surprised how some of that anxiety and stuff leaves, and you get to worry whatever you're thinking about, you don't have to think about it so much. And then I had to learn a new deal. You've got to watch it. Your legs just go. You don't even have to take a step. So I had to learn a new deal. You know, I had to learn a new stance altogether. Watch it don't fall. You just fall straight, you know.
And drink beer at night. So I had me a new program going. Got into one trap with it. I always had to get in a trap. I had to learn how to do things. I never knew how to do things. I didn't know how to take pills when you're going across the desert. You don't take any water with you, see. And I remember when I was in school, they told me, if you ever get nervous, and your mouth gets dry, bite the tip of your tongue, and the saliva will come. Well, I tried that. Hard on your tongue, but it works.
Well, I ended up back in Houston on another job. Got a job, but didn't know God. I went up there and applied for the job, and they interviewed me for four or five hours. The president of the company said, we have no idea how you got here. He said, we never get people who do what you've done. I said, well, I don't know either. He said, there must be some good reason. Well, I couldn't help him with that. They were going to send me back, and this guy says, ride with him and go to the airport. And I said, I don't even know what you guys sell. You don't? No. Well, maybe you better wait.
I said, oh, okay. And I waited, and that guy says, let me tell you. And he told me. I said, oh, well, I can sell it. Didn't know whether I could or not, but what difference would it make if I was there? They sent me back to Houston, and I said, well, I'm going to regroup and do it different. I'm not going to let any of these customers know that I drank. Bad. And I lasted nine months, and I didn't do anything any different than I'd been doing for ten years.
I merely played golf that afternoon, the Christmas Eve, the day before Christmas Eve of 1965, and I did not do one single thing different. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, except they tricked me right when it was my time to quit drinking with them and go drink with me. You know, I have my time. I've got a right to have my time.
[00:40:09]
They took me by their house, and I went and blacked out like normal, drove back home like normal, parked the car funny. You know, hell, it takes something to park a car funny. If you park a car straight like it's supposed to be all the time, hell, you're like anybody else. It's hard to look out and say, oh, the car's back, but it's parked funny. And the next morning, I waked up, which I've done a lot of times, and did what I was supposed to, went into total fright, didn't pray for it or nothing, just had it. Went in the bathroom, lit a cigarette, made me gag, see, I shouldn't quit smoking. Threw up like I'm supposed to, so I won't have indigestion.
Went out, and the car is back. Don't know who drove it. We'll never be able to find out. Walked around it. It had not run into anything. There's no blood or fenders or anything. I went back in. No watcher name had gone next door. They were going to have a party. And I don't know why. I guess I heard it on the radio. I picked up that phone book and looked up the word intergroup under Alcoholics Anonymous, and I am not an alcoholic.
And I called that girl, and she was tickled to death. I called. And I should have known then. Hang up. She said, somebody will be right out. Well, I kind of doubt that. Then maybe it's Christmas Eve. They don't have anything to do. Can't drink, you know. I wait an hour, and nobody shows up. I look in the icebox, and I've got three beers, which is all you need. And I thought, well, I'll just, I don't need them anymore. Besides, it's Christmas.
And I couldn't remember who I called. About that time, the phone rang. Guy said, I'll be right there. And he didn't let me send him. I didn't need him anymore. The reason he was late, they were matching on the phone. And the one that lost was coming after me. Well, I thought, I'll just get rid of him. My God, when I saw him get out of that car, he had a book under his arm. Looked just like a deacon with a sharp pointed nose about that long. Didn't look happy at all. Oh, my God. Well, I said, let's get rid of him. We're going to read that book and pray. I've been through that. I'll guarantee you, that won't work with me. It may with them, but it won't work with me.
And I opened the door. He didn't ask me the question. Didn't do anything. And about that time, old watcher name came back in. He said, you want to go with me? And I didn't, but it's better to stand with her. My next mistake, I got in the car with him. Didn't take my car. And I knew he wasn't my kind of guy. Hell, I could tell by looking at him. You could feel it. And boy, that total fright set in again. And then he flipped that car up there on that freeway and I said, I'll buy a beer. He said, I don't want a beer.
And I waited, oh, about 10 or 11 seconds. And I said, well, I'm sorry, but I've got to have one. I got bad drunk last night. He said, can you wait till we get to the club? I said, oh, yeah, I can do that. All I need is a little light and I can make total fright. It's when there's no light, I can't make it. We kept driving and driving and he come off of that freeway and we got into kind of a bad neighborhood.
Went up in front of an old yellow house that was just barely still a little yellow. And I saw some good cars and bad cars. I thought, well, as soon as I get some money, I'll help these folks. Walked through the door and took me in the front. The deacons were all sitting over there at the left. The deacons were all sitting over there at the left, talking about women in the stock market, and I found out later on they didn't know anything about either one.
[00:45:04]
They watch you like new animals just coming in. They look at you and laugh, and you walk back there in the back of an old, had an old bar that had an old piece of linoleum on it. And the bartender didn't look a hell of a lot better than I did. That's just a bad place. My God, what do you put in it? I never drank anything like that in my life. He said, well, you see, your system's used to sugar from all the alcohol. Looks me right straight in the eye like he's telling me the truth. Now, he's short, and I'm looking at him. Short ones are meaner, you know, than taller ones.
And besides all that, you're real nervous. I said, yeah. And he said, and the honey's already been digested. I said, indigestion is not my problem. Well, I drank it, half of it. It's a soured curdle. He said, don't worry about it. We have plenty. I said, hell, I guess I'm just going to put on a show for these folks. Took me to their old meeting. Kept me there all day long. Said, walk all you want to. I didn't want to walk at all.
Took me home at six and said, eat, and I'll pick you up at seven. I said, what for? God, I'd been with them all day long. I didn't know you could tell them you wasn't going. I went to their old meeting. They laughed, and it wasn't a damn thing funny. And they said it only lasted an hour, and I know it's four. And then I saw the boys and the girls getting together, going somewhere. They didn't invite me. I knew what they were doing. And I didn't ask them to go either. I hung in there with them for about three months, every night. Oh, what's-her-name really helped me here. I didn't have anywhere to go.
He wasn't going to drink. Where are you going? And where are you going to stay? I ain't got any place to stay. I don't want to stay there. So I went down to their old meetings every night. They kept saying, go every night. And I went every night. And then I had enough after three months of that. That's enough for anybody. So I went home and got mad to a watchman. It ain't going to take five minutes, you know. Went out and got drunk. And God waked up the next day in whatever town that was, which doesn't make any difference. And you crawl back through the crack. You don't even have to open the door, just come on through the crack, see.
Cockroaches get out of the way, old Jim's back, you know. And they put their arm around you and laugh. Everything's going to be all right. Hell, it ain't going to be all right. My God, my work was just as bad as theirs was, and she is worse. Went three or four months and went to work at a convention in Dallas. And I asked five reps, what do you do when you're not drinking and work at a convention? None of them knew. The only thing they could tell me was, don't drink and call AA.
God, I asked all five of them. I said, hell, I know that. What do you do? Don't drink and call AA. Hell, God, I got up Saturday morning. I said, well, it's a damn shame they don't know what for me to do. And me and God, I prayed all the way up there. Got there and these guys says, let's go up to the golf course. Ran up to the golf course, got my clubs out, checked in the hotel, ran out there at four o'clock, got through playing golf, said, what do you want to drink?
[00:50:16]
And I said, coffee. I guess this guy said, we don't serve coffee here. You have to go in the dining room. I said, oh, well, Coke. This guy said, aren't you going to drink anything? I got one beer. Me and God, I guess, hadn't talked to anybody else. When I got back, this guy said, we are really going to have to go slow with you on this program. I said, why? We only gave you one thing not to do and one thing to do. And those are the only two things you forgot.
He said, we just tried to give you too much at one time. Well, I showed them. I went three more months. Oh, what's-her-name left town. I thought all of Houston got drunk then. So I had a good little four-dayer there, kind of nice one, you know, just drunk in the daytime and at night. And I sobered up, was not going back there, and they tripped me back into going. Wanted me to go to help one of them that had a slip, and that slip they'd had was three years ago. Con artists, they just, they don't lie anymore, they just don't tell all of it.
After the meeting, that little deacon walked up to me and said, don't ever call me again. I said, God, I'm glad you told me that. I never liked you from the first day I saw you. If I had as bad a personality as you did, I'd go back to drinking. You don't ever have to worry about I'll never call you again as long as I live. And I didn't until the next morning. And he said, get your coffee cup and meet me at the club. They got you, man, you don't know it, but you're in a trap bad. You're in a bad trap. I've trapped myself. And I did it. I didn't know you couldn't do it, see.
I didn't know you could tell them you couldn't do it. They'd tell me that all the time. They'd go, I ain't going to do that. They'd tell me that, but I didn't know you could tell him that. I went over and he said, get your coffee and sit down and I'm going to tell you something. There's no failure here. A.A. and Al-Anon does not fail. Just doesn't fail. Now we're going to give you some things not to do and to do. And we're going to let you right now decide whether you're going to do exactly what I tell you or go back out that door.
I said, I don't want to do either one. He said, we'll wait. I said, wait for what? Till you decide which one. He says, you know, you have to give an alcoholic a decision. Either go out that door or do exactly what I tell you. I said, well, I don't like it. He said, I didn't ask you whether you liked it or not. I only wanted you to decide to do it. I said, I don't want to do it. He said, it has nothing to do with it.
I said, you don't care whether I like it or not. He said, not a bit. He said, see it's your thinking that's wrong. I said, how much of my thinking is wrong? Well, we always start with all of it. And if there's any, any good, we'll let you know. I said, you've got a sign up there that says, think, think, think. He said, that's for us. He says, you see, I'm going to give you some things not to do and to do. And it's going to happen over here. I said, what's going to happen over there? He said, we don't know. I said, my God, if you don't know, who knows? He said, oh, you'll know. And when you know, you'll tell us and we'll all know.
I said, I don't understand anything you're telling me. He said, now you're getting it.
[00:55:15]
I said, nobody in AA's ever listened to me since I got here. I told you I did not understand. He said, that's it and don't you ever forget it. And the quicker you try to quit figuring out what's going on in your life and try to understand it, the better off you're going to be. And I said, how do you quit that? And he said, oh, hell, you can't, but you will. He says, there's two things I want you to remember from now on every day in AA, every living day of the rest of your life, that you do not understand what's going on in your life and you don't need to. And it's never her, that'll bite a little, and it's never them, and it's never God, it's always you that needs to be different. And you need to be different.
Your biggest problem is, and will continue to be, is that you know you know, but you don't know. And as long as you know you know, you'll never know. But just as soon as you start not doing these things and doing these things, you will begin to know you don't know. And then you'll begin to know. I said, hell, you're crazy. He said, I know. I said, okay, by God, what are we going to do? He said, well, I want you to go home and when you get up in the morning, I want you to get down on your knees and I want you to say these words and these words only.
God, take me today and let me be what you want me to be. Help me to definitely not take a drink of anything alcoholic or mind-changing drug today. Amen. God does not need to know anything else. I don't know how Presbyterian knew about Baptists, but he did. Then call me before you go to the bathroom. I said, why before I go to the bathroom? You may not need to go. I said, do you mean to tell me that you don't think I've got sense enough to know when I need to go to the bathroom? He said, we'll find out.
Well, I did it and I called. He said, go to the bathroom and meet me at the club. Then I met him at the club. He told me to go to work. I said, I don't want to go to work. The work's bad. He said, oh, we always think that, so we won't have to go to work. He said, don't you know that doesn't have anything to do with it? I said, no, I don't. He said, well, it doesn't. I said, oh, okay. I went to work. I said, I'm not going to like it. He said, it's perfectly all right. Don't have to. Meet me back at the club. I met him back at the club. He said, have a cup of coffee. I know how to get a cup of coffee, but he had to tell me to go get a cup of coffee.
Then he said, go home and eat and come back. The meeting I did. Go home now and tell God, get on your knees after the meeting and tell God that you're grateful for the day. I said, I'm not. It's been a miserable day and I'm not grateful for the day and nothing better. He said, that has absolutely nothing to do with it. I said, do you mean whether I'm grateful or not has nothing to do with it? He said, not a bit.
He said, see, it's only the action that's going to make you different. Only the action that's going to make you different. Only the action, never the thinking. Only the action, and you're going to take action against your thinking, and that action you're going to take against your thinking is going to make you different.
[01:00:02]
And I said, I don't even know whether I want to be different. He said, that has nothing to do with it. So I went home, got on my knees and said, okay, by God, God, I'm grateful, amen, went to bed. I checked with him every day, and I did that for about 60 days, and he had me every time I got in that car every morning to invite God to go with me that day. And about 60 days later, I was driving down the 610 loop, right near Memorial Drive, 915 one morning in Houston, and this God I thought I knew that I didn't know, came in that car with me as a friend.
And for the first time in my life, I knew something. I knew that I did not need to drink. I knew that I didn't want to drink, and I knew I didn't have to drink anymore. And I had my first good day in AA. And I couldn't wait for him to get back to the club. The better that day got, and the more peace I had that day, and he was 30 minutes late, I thought, man, we're going to get some tambourines and a tent, and we're going to save some souls.
Because I'm a Baptist, and he's just a Presbyterian. And I came in, and I said, get your coffee and sit down. The King has taken over. We've changed places. The Southern Baptist is in. And man, I told him what happened, and he almost laughed. But he just smiled and said, God, I'm glad we've got that over with. Now we can get started. I said, my God, that took a year. And he said, some are sicker than others.
Well, they made me hot again. I said, I'm going to tell you one damn thing, and I want you to answer it, and by God I want an answer. I want to know if this great God that we've got, see, I'm already having a bad day now. I can see how he builds oil at the University and Billy all that big deals. I want to know if you can get to your life to where you can live with one woman happily and work, and God will be in your life.
Now by God I want that answer, or I'm going back to drinking. They can hurt me pretty fast, you know. He said, if you're willing to make the walks and go through what it takes for you to be different in those areas of your life, I'll not only guarantee you that, I'll guarantee you a relationship with your fellow man and a God you don't know that you could not dream of. I said, I don't believe that, and he said, you don't have to.
I said, what are you going to do about old Watson, eh? I like to give them the tough stuff first if they think they've got it. He said, well, I want to put one thing clear here. We hear lots of things in AA. We're not employment agents. We're not marriage counselors. But we use the big counselor only. And we've got a way for you to find out whether you're married right, or you need to be married on, or you need to change wives or not.
Most people who get to AA are still married or married right. But they, too, need to be different. But we use the master counselor only. We don't know, but we have a way for you to find out. And if you'll stay with us enough, you'll have the courage to make those walks and find out for yourself. Otherwise, you ain't got the courage to do it. Without us, you can't make it. With us, the sky's the limit.
There's no limit on what you can be and where you're going to go, provided you stay with us and continue this way of life. Well, I don't know. I've got a way of life. I don't want to drink. That's all I know. And she's bad. He said, now, I said, well, what? He said, what? I said, I want a relationship with a woman, one. And I don't want to change anymore.
[01:05:01]
And I already had two sequins picked out. My God, it's the first time I've ever been to a place where they had them grouped. You used to have to hunt them. My God, they've got them grouped. They're here. Don't do it. God. He already knew exactly the two I had picked out. I said, well, I'm not sleeping with old What's-Her-Name. And he said, good, leave it just like it is. And I said, okay, what is it I've got to do?
He said, well, first of all, the hardest things you're ever going to do in AA is not do things. Not the doing. We're going to not start up any new ones. And we're going to not tell her what she is anymore. I said, my God, who's going to tell her? He said, I don't know, but you're not. I said, see, you'll have to do this whether you're married right or not. Because to be married to another human being, you're going to have to let her be free, and we've got the way for that to happen.
You're not going to come home and tell her, if she'll do this, we'll be better. I said, never. He said, never, whether with her or someone else. And we're going to pray for her. I said, I'm not. He said, yes, you are. And you're going to say these words and these words only. Thy will be done for her as well as for you. And I said, I do not want his will to be done for her as well as for me. And he says, that has nothing to do with it.
I started doing that, and I want you to know I had a bad case of telling her. It was so bad that I had to shoot out that door without telling her where I'm going, because if I'd opened my mouth, I'd have had to tell her what she wants. But I got to where I could cool down and go to the bathroom, and cool down past murder. Don't do anything. And then it came to me, and he reminded me that no matter what's going to come up in my life, something will always have to happen to me first.
And it came to me that I had a sick thing that I had with every woman I'd ever been with, and it didn't make any difference who that was. And that I could not, nor was I capable of, having a relationship with another woman. And really the pain hit, and the misery hit me. And God, it hurt. And I went to him for five straight days and told him over and over again how bad things were, and I still hurt.
And then I told the group. Still hurt. Hell, I went to another group, told them. And one of the ones in that group told him. And he says, what you do, you just make a stand, take no action, and hurt. Don't advertise it, admit it to God, yourself, and another human being. We're going to move into a glass house. We're never going to do anything. We're never going to have done anything without telling God, ourselves, and another human being.
We're not going to advertise our life, but we're going to always tell another human being, God and ourselves, everything we're thinking and everything we're doing on a daily basis from now on the rest of our life. And he says, we're sick and tired of hearing about you and that thing. We've all heard about it, you've been talking about it for two months, we're all well-versed on it. I want you to go home and close the door on that apartment, and I want you and God to get rid of that.
We can't rid you of anything. God only does that for you. And I went home and I stayed all day long and I cried and cussed and beat the table and did everything, and the next morning it wasn't there. And I was scared to go out. I said, God, I'll see you again, I'll come back. Didn't. That night I wouldn't tell him nothing. Went to a meeting, didn't tell him nothing. Next day I went to work, didn't tell him nothing.
Went to a meeting, didn't tell him nothing. He called me and said, how are you getting along? I said, fine. Wasn't going to tell him nothing anymore.
[01:10:01]
Hell, I didn't appreciate it when I told him before. Well, you know, I was the kind of drunk that if I didn't get caught pretty soon, I told him. So I finally had to tell him, and he said, oh, yeah, we knew that the first night. He said, remember, we'll always know before you know. You'll always be the last to know. I said, why? He said, I don't know. That's just the way it's got to be. You'll just always have to be last.
But I knew after that I was going to be able to have that one thing with that one woman. I knew I was going to be capable of having it. When that sickness was removed from me, we invited her to Al-Nan. I thought, oh, my God, what if she likes it? She went to two meetings, and they were depressing. We took her to an open meeting, and fortunately, old Corny Mary, bless her sweet precious heart, we were sitting in an open meeting, and she had a halfway house for girls, and she was getting them out of jail.
And she came in with six ripe ones, and bless her heart, she came in with a sweatshirt, blue jeans, plaid socks, and tennis shoes, and ran up and hugged and kissed me, and I couldn't have been more glad to see anybody in my life, because old What's-Her-Name thought, my God, what are you doing with those people? They'd been sober, those girls, from fifteen minutes to five hours, right straight out of jail.
And I had a good time. And she, from then on out, when anybody would call, I'd come home, and she'd say, one of those called. It took me four months for my sponsor to finally tell me, you've never caught it, but you're one of those. She says, remember, she, always, God will never hide anything from you. It's always right in front of your face, and he'll show you over and over and over and over again.
I'd met this gal in a hospital, called on her, sold hospitals. She talked, she and I talked about God and work. They told me that never to have a relationship with another woman, until it looked like I was going to go with them or talk to them, I needed to talk about God first. And I did. And about six months, it looked like something might be going to happen. And I said, well, there's nothing I can do.
I said, old What's-Her-Name and I were getting a divorce and had the same lawyer. You know, she just had to tell him how bad it was, and we got that over with, that established why we got divorced. I said, but I can't have an affair, my sponsor won't let me. And besides all that, I'm an alcoholic, go to AA every night. Well, that shocks the Southern Baptist. She said, what's it all about? Well, I didn't know.
What are you going to tell them? We hug and kiss and cuss a lot and talk about God, and meet every night and eat ice cream. Nobody runs it and everybody tries. I said, I'll have to call my sponsor. So I called him, and he said, bring her over. I said, you'll have to go see my sponsor. She looked funny, but she went. Went to the little ones-a-meal there, and my God, they did it like AA does, just like they've done me ever since I've been here, they just leave you out.
They talked for an hour and a half, I thought, well, by God, I believe he's going with her. And they're missing good points, you know. He turned around to me and says, well, it looks like God might be going to do something for you. Well, I know what to do now, you know, just go sign Mike's name and go. I know how to get started so they can deteriorate and they're on out, you know. He said, no, you leave it alone, she doesn't know anything about alcohol, doesn't know anything about Al-Anon.
If you don't have any home, you haven't got it, she's got to go find out all about this. God, brain damage said it again. You know, I'm not doing it again at 45. You know, I'm not doing it again at 45. Thinking about it, not doing it.
[01:15:01]
I don't even know when we started. Well, before we get there. Well, she got into Al-Anon. I said, don't have to worry about it, I know all about Al-Anon. Didn't know anything about Al-Anon. I said, just go in there and tell them you're Eloise, and you want to find out about alcohol. Now, she did, and finally told them she's planning on marrying an alcoholic. They spent the whole meeting telling her why she shouldn't.
Then we slipped off, went to some open meetings, and then she got into Al-Anon, and she began to be different. I began to be different. And I knew all the time it wasn't working, which didn't have anything to do with it, thank God. I knew all day it wouldn't work, and in two or three weeks I'd call her up and say, forget the whole thing, it won't work. Forget it. And I'd call her back and say, forget that, erase it, we'll go to a meeting again tonight.
It wasn't too long after that that we were thrown together. We decided to get married. Our sponsor helped us decide. You know, you can't do it yourself anymore. You've got to tell everybody. Hell, you can't do nothing. Now, I'm going to the bathroom, so they'll be sure to know what you're doing, you know. I think I'm going to have to take a correct call, be sure to let them know what you're doing. Don't hide anything anymore.
Open it up. I got the license and we couldn't find a preacher to get a blood test, so I went out that morning like I always do. God, forget the whole thing, I know it wasn't going to work in the first place. Just forget it. I called her and she said, well, why don't we try some friends of mine. We went over to this clinic and they said, oh, sure, take care of it in a minute. Took care of it. You all go eat lunch, rub back, pick it up.
She says, what about that preacher at Mary June? I said, oh, my God. I called him in the Baptist building, hadn't heard from him in ten years. Called the Baptist building, he was waiting there for me to call. I said, I got a divorce. She said, oh, my God. I said, but I'm getting ready to get married again. Oh, well, that's good. I said, but I need a preacher. And he said, what about me? I said, well, I don't know whether God gave you guys two chances or not.
He wouldn't let me get married in Texas or Oklahoma or Louisiana. And I called Little Rock, Arkansas. This little girl come on the phone and I said, you know, I just got a divorce recently. And I want to get married. She said, all right. I said, well, can I get married in Arkansas if I've been divorced at all? We don't ask you whether you've been divorced or not. We just ask you if you're single. I said, oh, good.
I got married the first time in a Baptist church with 60 people. I got married the next time with a preacher, his wife, and poodle. And my aunt and uncle and Eloise and I were there. In a motel in Texarkana, Arkansas. And it worked. Now that relationship that one man has with one woman that God just happens to give people like me. Not because I deserved it, earned it, knew how to get it, or nothing.
But I didn't know how to be different until I ran into you. And you told me what not to do and to do so it could happen over here. It still amazes me that I'll sit there in that chair and that love deal thing, whatever that is, that I never had before just comes over you and I say it's the damnedest thing that ever got into my life. But I like it. Just don't mess with it. I still come home knowing if I could just tell her to do this, we'd be better.
But I don't do it. The day I knew I came from a foreign country, we'd been married about two years, I sat in that chair and she said something to me and I went in the bathroom, cooled down, passed murder and came back. I said, what did you mean when you said that? And she said, what did you think I meant? And I was open then to let her know. And I told her and she said, my God, I never thought like that in my life.
And I knew then I'm from a foreign country. I don't have any children until I met you. Eloise had three children, two boys and one girl. The time I came into the picture, the two of them were married.
[01:20:02]
We let that lie and I thought if there's one thing that's going to mess us up, it's her relationship with her and her daughter. Her daughter was going through some problems, but it didn't look like there's any way she's going to be able to let her go. But by the grace of God in Al-Anon, she went through that trip and that was a hard trip. And by the grace of God in AA, I was capable of letting her do it without screwing my deal up.
I had a hard time beginning to become responsible to be a husband, because I'm not husband material. I remember being scared that I was going to have to come up with my part of this deal when that Al-Anon started catching on with her. The day that it took me four days to get her in that hole with me, I knew Al-Anon was working too well. And that's when I knew I was going to have to come up with my side of this deal.
And I had to ask God and my sponsor to help me do that one day at a time. And then all of a sudden, these children began to come back to us one day at a time. And then they began not to go to their father, but they began to come to me. And I'm not father material either. And me and God and my sponsor had to start getting together again. The daughter went through what she did, and she was not likable, and today she's a delight.
She married that guy that was terrible, who's now also a delight. They had their little grandbaby in January, and they wanted me to be there. And they came to see us twice since then, because they wanted to be with us. I got the first home I've ever had in my life, me and the loan company. The middle son came to see us and said, Mother, we finally got a home again. And the grandson that I was going to drown at three gave us instructions that this time he was going to sleep with Papa Jim.
And every night I'd say, Go turn on our lights so we can read. And he did. The other one, the oldest one, is a Baptist preacher. It was a hard trip with him. But his daughter loves Eloise so much, and she runs up to me and throws her arm around me and says, I love you, Papa Jim, and that'll win a Baptist preacher. And it really does win me. And I'll guarantee you that's one Baptist preacher that took him to AA.
It took a while, but that's where he takes them. He doesn't understand why they don't all stay, and he doesn't understand this, but they've now gone to missionary work in Costa Rica and Venezuela. It's fantastic that a man can get here at 43 and do just exactly what she told me was going to happen to me. I'm going to get it all no matter when I get here. I'm right on time, just like you. And see, I didn't have any family when I got here, and I'm getting it all.
A man at 55 is supposed to have children, and he's supposed to have grandchildren, and a wife who loves him like God says it'll happen. Well, that's happening to me. And the only thing I need to do is not do those things you tell me not to do. And I don't like that part. I don't like it the day that I get up and say, God, I have nothing today to live for. Can you imagine that? But I get up on those days sometimes.
But I take that action of not doing and the action of doing that day, and I'm better by ten o'clock. And I want you to know that what happened to me today is what you guarantee happens to each and every one of us. We're right on time. God sent you and I to be together. He never sent us, after we got together, to ever be apart. We've never met. We've never called each other on the phone. We've never gone to a meeting that God didn't move in there with us.
Never have we gotten up. Never did we take a drink that God was not there with us.
[01:25:03]
It's nice to know you know that today. It's nice to know that everybody in this room today has found their people and found their ministry, which is the only way we can have relationships with God and our fellow man. There's something about a relationship with God that's not obtainable in any other way until you have some way to have a relationship with your fellow man. It's as if I've never been with another woman today.
And I'm very grateful that I have that love that God gives you for one and that he gives you for many other women that I have today. I'm capable today of loving my fellow man and receiving his love, and I'm so grateful that I'm capable of loving women today and receiving theirs in the way God intended it. That's just a little gift that God gave me, not because you and I deserve it. It's because we're his kids, and that's what he does for you and I.
I don't know why I didn't get it somewhere else, and it doesn't make any difference as long as you got it. But I'm in my place, and you're in yours. This is my way, and this is yours. This is my ministry, and this is yours. The difference, even though a lot of the things are the same and a lot of the meanings are the same and a lot of the words are similar, but see, the difference that got me to go in because I wanted to, got me to doing and not doing because I wanted to, not because I liked to, was when I first began to feel on occasions God loving me and me loving him.
But the difference was, just like right now, when I can feel you loving me and me loving you. Thank you very much. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you.