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Source: DICOBE-00473 – Franklin W – CORNHUSKER RNDP I – 1978-08-15.mp3 File: dicobe-00473-franklin-w-cornhusker-rndp-i-1978-08-15.mp3 Duration: 01:15:56
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That cat's been sober long enough to introduce me. Everywhere I go I get insulted. The mouth over here had something to say about anonymity, said it took him five years, I believe, to find out how to pronounce it, how to, what it meant, or something like that. Well, in 20 years I am, 22 years, I haven't found out what it means yet and still can't pronounce it. And Bill over here hurt my feelings, getting up here saying that AA is for people that thank their God. I think he had something personal in that, but but that's been the story of my life. I've been picked on all of my life.
Even my roommate comes up and tells me not to scratch my ass. Said there's a mirror behind. I remember as a little kid I'd play hide and go seek and go hide and nobody ever come look for me. And that didn't just happen to me in childhood, it followed me on into adultery. I know my first wife, now I'll have to distinguish between them, Eloise is my second wife, of course I lost a lot of lighthouse keepers along the way, but my first wife sent me to the store for a loaf of bread and I came back and she'd moved.
But I had the loaf of bread. I always was dependable. If I can get serious, you out there, it's just great to look out there and see about 2,200 white eyeballs eyeballs staring back at you. It's a beautiful sight and I can't begin to express my gratitude to the committee, the Jackie and the others for having my roommate Eloise and I here for your first Cornhusker Roundup. I don't know whether you realize it or not, but this is the beginning of something really great and I can see in a couple of years where you're going to have to get a larger facility and you may have turned people away and I think this is going to really spread in this area and I'm just tickled to death to be a small part in this thing and be able to say that I was at the first Cornhusker Roundup. It's really tremendous and I appreciate the red carpet treatment that we've had here, but I also want to state that it's not a darn bit better than we deserve. You know, I learned something in AA everywhere I go and they told me if I'd keep an open mind I would and I learned this from a Catholic priest, so I guess it's all right to have a spiritual meeting, but he said way back there when God created Adam, he created man and he said, now I'm going to give you 20 years of sex life. So then the next thing he created was a monkey.
He said, I'm going to give you 20 years of sex life. The monkey said, no, I don't need but 10. So man said, give me the other 10. So the next he created was a lion. He said, I'm going to give you 20 years of sex life. Lion said, don't need but 10. Man said, give me the other 10. So then he created a donkey. He said, I'm going to give you 20 years of sex life. Donkey said, don't need but 10. Man said, give it to me. So as a result, man has had 20 years of normal sex. He's had 10 years of monkeying around. He's had 10 years of lying and 10 years of making a perfect ass out of himself.
[00:05:06]
So Eloise told you yesterday afternoon that I've reached the age where I can't accept yes for an answer. So you know what stage I'm in. I probably shouldn't say this at a, at a spiritual meeting, but if I'd attempt to commit sex, they could arrest me for assault with a dead weapon. Well, you're, you're a great looking bunch of sick people. I'm an alcoholic and my name is Franklin W.. I, by the grace of God, the fellowship with men and women like you, and because this program does wait, it hadn't been necessary for me to take a drink today. And for this, I am most grateful.
I'm as grateful as I know how to be. I'm not as grateful as I should be, but as grateful as I know how to be. Now I'm, I'm what I call a pure alcoholic. Now you heard someone mention yesterday, the real alcoholic and the book refers to the real alcoholic. Well, I'm not only a real alcoholic, but I'm a pure alcoholic. You mentioned, you heard mentioned, uh, tablets, pills, capsules, those mine altering chemicals. I never did get off on any of those because I didn't know anything about them. Had I known, I'm sure that I would have taken them, just use them just as I did alcohol. So this is what I mean by, by a pure alcoholic. Now I heard them talking about upers and downers, but I'm still the type of fellow that if I don't know something, I'm not going to ask you. I'm not going to let you know that I don't know. So when I heard you talking about downers, I thought you was talking about saltpeter.
And when I heard you talking about uppers, I thought you was talking about Spanish fly. So I never did get off on those things. I used to be real bad to drink and I mean bad to drink while I was intoxicated and get put in jail for drinking while intoxicated. I don't know how many times I've been in jail. I hear people get up and say they've been in jail 130 times. I heard Don say something about having 70-something arrests there. I hear others 20 times, 30 times, so on. I didn't keep up with how many times I was in jail. I wish I had because I didn't know it was going to be a thing of social prestige. When I got to the program Alcoholics Anonymous, who knows, they may come up with a pension plan and I might miss out on some of my benefits by not knowing how many times I've been in jail. The text of my sermon this morning will be keep it simple and follow directions.
And these are things that have been and still are hard for me to do. It's hard for me to simplify anything and it's almost impossible for me to follow directions. And you know how darn near killed myself in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous before I could get this thing down simple enough the way I could understand it and to follow directions. So I want to talk a good deal about that. And in talking about simplicity and following directions, I have to talk about sponsorship.
And I think if there's a weak link in Alcoholics Anonymous in my area it's in sponsorship. Don mentioned one out of 40 or something like that. We are catching alcoholics down in our area a lot faster than we can string them. And we are losing a lot of them. And I think maybe the reason that we are losing so many and so many are not sticking is because of lack of sponsorship. We'll take a fellow, we don't have treatment centers in our area like you do here, but we have halfway houses.
And it seems to be the opinion of many that if they take them to the halfway house, well that's their end of their responsibility. And things are not explained in my area to new people like my sponsor explained to me. And I like to talk about this. I talked about it some
[00:10:07]
a little while at a place not long ago and two or three people afterwards came up and said, where do you find a sponsor like that? I said, honey, you're missing the whole boat. There are few of that old breed left, but there are not many. But my reason for talking about it is hopefully I will be the type sponsor that my sponsor was to me. And hopefully you will try to be that type of sponsor to the new people. So I want to talk a good deal about this.
And incidentally, Clancy talking last night, I know a lot about Clancy that he didn't say. Some of it I won't say from up here. But I know people that Clancy has sponsored. And you know that cat today, he'll resent me saying this, but one of his pigeons told me this. Today he's sponsoring 128 people. Now, do you know anybody in the program with Alcoholics Anonymous that's sponsoring that many people? And he's tough.
And that's the type sponsorship that I understand. It's the type sponsorship that I want to talk about. Profundity never got me sober. No profound statement that somebody made from one of these church-like fixtures ever got through to me. And I'm a type AA that calls myself a big book AA. And they call me a fanatic on the book in my group. And I like for them to say that. Because I'm just simple enough to believe that the simple program of Alcoholics Anonymous comes from a book called Alcoholics Anonymous. And if you tell me something about staying sober or living, and you can't point it out to me in the big book, I'll say the devil will.
Because you didn't know any more about this when you came here than I did. And what I've learned has come from a book. So this thing of profundity, I can back it up by what the big book says. The big book says that the spirit of AA will get us sober. And the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous will keep us sober. And I'm simple enough to believe that the spirit of AA, you spell that spirit L-O-V-E. The people in my group love this old drunk sober.
And we alcoholics radiate love. We don't think, we feel. That's my opinion. And I could feel this love. And finally, I didn't know what it was to begin with, but I finally wanted some of it. And I'll try to tell you in the next two or three hours of how I was able to get some of this. But let me back up a minute. Al-Anon is real close to me. You can tell that by what Eloise said yesterday. Al-Anon, I think where any couple, where both of them are alcoholics, I think they both need Al-Anon. And that's the reason that Eloise came in the program of Al-Anon about seven years ago, approximately seven years ago. She says to learn to live with me.
And as she related yesterday, things were real rough. If Eloise and I made it for 10 years, anybody can make it. Because we had a civil war going every day. And both of us were managing. And that little girl she was talking about was caught in the middle. And it was really rough around our house. Blanche knows about it. There are several others in this room that know about it. I think that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous will take care of the obsession to alcohol. But I think that the program of Al-Anon will take care of the obsession to the alcoholic. And as a result of Eloise coming into the program and then bringing all this literature home and having me to read it to her and explain it to her, I've been able to digest some of the programs. And the two programs have changed our home, our house into a home. And that little old girl that a number of years ago that despised me and told me I didn't have anything to do with it, I wasn't her daddy. Today she calls me her daddy and introduces me as her daddy. And her real father is living, but I'm her daddy.
And she gave me a damn chain to wear around my neck for my birthday here a week or so ago. Paid $40 for that thing. And I'd a whole lot rather had some cigars. But I can't let her know it. I can't let her know it. She gave me a bracelet, she gave me a robe.
[00:15:02]
Oh, that kid's always, as Eloise said, bringing us something. And we have a real good communication, and it couldn't have happened had it not been for the programs of AA and Al-Anon. So my hat is off to Al-Anon. But I want to say this. Lest you Al-Anons feel too smugly, you remember that we darn drunks got you where you are today. And don't you ever forget it. I can call my sponsor's name now, because he's gone on to the big meeting with Ray.
I knew Ray real well, was with him at a number of places, and we knew each other by name, and always spent some time together when we were at the same places. But I can call my little sponsor's name now David Gates. And I hated that little fellow with a passion to begin with. But he was the only fellow that had fooled with me. Now, I didn't pick David as a sponsor. I know that's what you're supposed to do.
But they drew straws, and David lost. And they farmed me out to several of them. But the ones I didn't fire, they didn't quit, they just gave out. But David hung in there. He said he was going to fight that thing out to the bitter end. And he really did. And we fought, not physically, but we fought. I didn't agree with anything that David said, and of course David didn't agree with anything that I said.
But he got through to me. I was the type of fellow that was always afraid that somebody was going to see through me, and see me as I really was. And I had to drink up or use up all of my excuses. And David brought this about in as quick an order as was possible to do. I had another sponsor named Marin Hill. He's at the big meeting too. And Marin was always telling me, you must do so-and-so, you must do so-and-so.
And so I'd run to David with everything that I didn't like, and hoping that he'd disagree. I said, David, old man says I must do this, and I must do that. Allen, now Allen was a fellow that had more degrees than a thermometer. But he couldn't stay sober. I said, Allen says there ain't nothing I must do. Said I can do this thing just like I want to. I can take it cafeteria style. And David said, son, he always called me son.
And I called him son too. But part of it I said under my breath. He said, son, for your information, the word must is in the big book 74 times. And I'll tell you this much. If you want to stay sober, you must become willing to do anything, even if it means quitting drinking. And said it has been our experience and our observation that alcohol never causes any of us any trouble till we swallow some of it.
And he said, rarely have we seen a person stay sober who continues to drink. And I said, David, that makes sense. Why hadn't you told me that before? And I said, David, this thing is fine for you religious fanatics. But like Bob, I profess to be not an atheist, but an agnostic. I didn't know what an agnostic was, but it sounded good. And it gave me an excuse to drink. So I said, David, you know, I'm an agnostic.
He said, I don't make a damn that you just got to make up your mind whether you want to be a sober agnostic or drunk agnostic. He said, now, what next? I said, David, I ain't got no faith. He said, no, I don't guess you have. And said, you're not going to have any faith until you apply these steps to your daily life. And when you do that, some things are going to happen. You're going to have some experiences, and you'll know where they came from.
Then you will have some faith. I said, David, you're always talking about God's will. I don't know what God's will is. He said, no, I don't guess you do. But said, you know what it ain't. And said, you just follow that. And if you do that long enough, maybe people will get to where they'll associate with.
[00:20:06]
So that's the kind of profundity that he threw at me. I said, David, you're always talking about how to get close to God. And I asked him one day, like old Bob said, I said, David, how do you find God? He looked at me and said, he ain't lost. So I said, David, how do you get to know God? He said, well, I said, I'm going to tell you. He said, you're not going to pay attention to it, but I'm going to tell you.
He said, to get to know God better, you get to know people better. And if you want to get to love God better, you get to love him people better. But said, the only way you're going to be able to do that, the only way we know how to do that is apply these steps to your life. And said, then when these things happen, you're going to get to where you even love yourself. You're going to love the people at AA.
You're going to love other people. And when you do that, God is going to slip in the back door. And he'll be there before you ever know it. I've never found anything that David told me that wasn't true. I'll say this about a sponsor. If after 60 days, you still like that sponsor, you got the wrong sponsor. That sponsor ain't telling you the truth. And not knowing the truth can kill an alcoholic. And I believe this also about a sponsor.
If you got a sponsor that tells you something, you go check it out in the big book. And if you can't find it in the big book, you better get you another sponsor. Because this type sponsor can kill you. Now, you get you a sponsor that's worked the steps. High in the devil is somebody who hadn't taken the fourth step or written the inventory going to tell me how to write an inventory. Old boy at home says, You can't no more teach what you ain't learned than you can come back from where you ain't been.
So this is what I believe about sponsorship. I said, David, I'm unemployed. I'm unemployable, which is true. And I said, you always tell. I could ask David what time it was. And he'd say, don't drink. Go to meet, read the big book. He's a very illiterate place. Now, he knew what page in the big book everything in there was on. And I'd ask him something and he'd say, turn the page so-and-so. And I'd turn to that page.
He said, now read that to me. I read to David for five years before I knew he could read. And I was always having to explain things to him. And I said, David, how can I read the big book? I ain't got no big book. He said, buy you one. I said, David, I can't get a job. I ain't got no money. I'm unemployable. Won't anybody loan me anything? He looked at me a minute and said, go steal your damn big book.
Said, we got to step in this program before you get too honest. And you get on to it, you can make amends for stealing that big book. Said, my big book tells me to go to any links. And said, that may be the links that you have to go to. So these are the profound things that my sponsor told me. He used to take me to a meeting every night. And I don't think that we should take a person too long. Because finally he told me, he said, you could get to the liquor store, now you can get to the meetings.
Walking, we find, helps. I'd always tell him how nervous I was. And I couldn't sleep. I needed some wine so I could go to sleep. And he said, we find walking helps. So he'd take me there for a long time to a meeting. He'd talk about open meeting, closed meeting. I didn't know the difference, but I wasn't going to ask David. So he's going to take me out to my first closed meeting that was away from my group.
And incidentally, I belong to the concert group in Memphis. And Eloise and I also attend the Olive Branch group in Olive Branch, Mississippi. But David would take me and he said, now tonight, I said, they've got a speaker tonight. See every meeting he's taken me to, he is speaking.
[00:25:01]
And I said, David, don't anybody else talk? He said, nobody that you need to hear. So he said, we're going to this meeting that's not a speaker meeting. And I said, what they going to do? He said, they're going to call on everybody to say a few words. I said, going to call on me? He said, yeah. And so I beamed. I did like to talk. I wanted to get up and tell them what's wrong with this outfit. And he said, now when they call on you, you stand up.
He believed in action. He said, you stand up and say that you're an alcoholic, you're a member of the concert group, and your name's Franklin W., and sit your ass down. He said, you done told them people all you know. I said, David, I thought. He said, oh, no, don't do that. But that's the worst mistake a new person can make. He said, your thinking is what got you here. He said, don't you attempt to think for a year.
We'll think for you. He said, if you go home tonight and wake up and think you've got to go to the bathroom, call me first. He said, you'll make the wrong decision. I said, David, they got them think signs all around in our group and every group you've taken me to. He said, that's for us. He said, don't ever during this first year let me hear you say anything about thinking. He said, we'll do all of this thinking for you.
He really believed that this was a program of action. And he says that thinking is the worst thing in the world that you can attempt to do. He said, this is not a thinking program. This is an action program. And two or three have brought that out here. He said, it is impossible for you to think yourself into proper action. But we've got a program that if you'll do the things that I point out to you in the big book called Alcoholics Anonymous, which incidentally says the basic text, and it's a textbook, and a textbook is something, in my opinion, you study.
And then after you study it, you apply it to your life. He said, if you'll apply these 12 steps to your life, you will act yourself into proper thinking. He believed in that action. And he got me to doing things. And he got me to doing things in a hurry. I didn't mention that I'm real glad that Eloise could come up here with me. She don't get to go to as many places as I do because she works. And I try not to do anything to interfere with that gal's work.
I wanted to break that check in. But I want it understood that that gal don't have to work. Darn it, she can starve and go naked if she wants to. That's a decision she has to make. I had to, decisions are rough on me. I had to make a decision before I came up here tonight, whether to go to the bathroom or not. And right now I made the wrong decision. So I don't like to make them decisions. As far as I'm concerned, and this is some moral simplicity as far as the way I look at it, and getting back to simplicity, I have to tell a story.
And it ain't much of a story, but I just like the way I tell it. And I hadn't heard it this morning, and I want to hear it again. So for my benefit, I'll ask that you endure it with me. This old boy couldn't follow instructions. And he'd gotten in trouble all over Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, all down in there, and he decided he'd leave this country and go to a foreign country on what we know as a geographical cure.
And he gets over to this foreign country and he takes himself with him, of course, and gets into trouble. So the king had him before him and sentenced him to die the next morning, to be shot at sunrise. But he said, I'm going to give you a chance, and I'm going to give you three tasks, and if you can do these three tasks in an allotted length of time, I'll turn you free. So the old wino had no choice but to say that he'd do it.
He says, out here I've got three tents. In the first tent, he says, I've got a half a gallon of wine. If you can go in that tent and drink that half gallon of wine in 15 minutes and come out, then in the second tent I've got a tiger's tail with an abscess. Then in the second tent I got a tigress there with an abscessed tooth. If you go in there and pull that tigress' tooth in 15 minutes and then come out in the third tent,
[00:30:03]
we got a blonde that just never has been taken care of. And said, if you can perform this duty in 15 minutes and come out, well, we'll turn you free. So the old wino goes in the first tent and then seven minutes and 48 seconds he staggers out of there with that jug of wine, an empty jug in his hand, coughing and spitting. And walks up and puts it at the feet of the king. Then turns and goes in the second tent and immediately you never heard so much growling.
And parts of clothes flying. A little while, the middle tent pole fell. And in 14 minutes and 59 seconds that old wino staggered out of there. And all you could hear from the inside was a quiet, peaceful pug. And he walked up to the king and bowed to him and said, Your Honor, where did you say that blondie is with the abscessed tooth? Now that old boy couldn't follow directions. Now that is my problem.
So I told David, I said, David, I think I'm one of these 25% that's mentally incapable of becoming honest with himself. He said, we won't argue that point. But said, if you're honest enough to admit you've got a problem, you are honest enough to make this program. And said, if you've got sense enough to tell water from whiskey, you've got sense enough to stay sober. So David broke down all of those excuses.
And got me to a point where I knew that David saw through me. And I figured if David saw through me, then other people saw through me. And he did to me what an old boy at home had done to him. Boy came in our clubhouse one night with his head all bandaged up. And Bill asked him, what's wrong? He said, well, Joe caught me in bed with his wife. And he hit me over the head with a two-by-four. Joe said, did it knock you unconscious?
He said, no, but it sure scattered my ideas. And that's what old David did to me. He scattered my ideas. As far as I'm concerned, I can sum up, in the matter of getting this thing simple, this whole program in the six words. Now, this suits me. And I like to have something that I can remember each day. And it's not very long, but I can think of this. Trust God, clean house, and help others. Now, I say everything I know comes from the big books.
And I'll tell you where I got this. It's been read here several times, the last portion of chapter 11, which, in my opinion, is as beautiful a series of words and sentences as I've ever heard. Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you have found and join us. And surely you will meet some of us as you tread the road of happy destiny.
Trust God, clean house, and help others. And then didn't Bill say, let us instill in the hearts and minds of buying into the consciousness of every new person that they too can get well if trust God and clean house. And then Bill also said that the surest immunity against not drinking is working with others. So trust God and clean house and help others. And I like to remember that each day because this is something that I can think of every morning.
You know, people are really not interested in what my faith is or what your faith is. But people are greatly interested in what my faith and your faith has done for us. So all that I have to share with you up here this morning is my experiences as a result of applying these 12 steps to my daily life. And these things I must share with you. And this is all that I have to share with you. It's what has happened to me as a result of applying the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to my daily life.
Now why did I come to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous?
[00:35:00]
That to me was important. I certainly didn't come here to get sober. I certainly didn't come here to stop drinking. This is a suggested program. A judge suggested that I come to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now he gave me an alternate plan. I could go to the penal farm for a period of nine months. So being an intelligent person, I weighed the situation very carefully. And I came to the decision that I had more to offer you people than I did the penal farm.
So that was the motivating factor that sent me to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had some other reasons. My bride of 22 years had left me. And I thought maybe if I came to this program, she might come back. I'd run out of people that I could call on. And I thought maybe if I came here, I could find some of you people that I could put a touch on. And then certainly I think I wanted to stop hurting.
I know I wanted to stop hurting. So these are the reasons that I came. So I might say that all of these things materialized in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous except getting my first wife back. But as Eloise told you, we met in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and got married. So if you're having marital problems and afraid your mate's going to leave you, that ain't no problem. You can get you another one here in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And if you're a man and you can't find a wife, heck, I'll give you Eloise. This is a program of sharing. I didn't know what alcoholism or wasm or whatever they were calling it back then was. And I asked David, I said, what is this thing? And so he had me to read that it was a two-fold illness, mental and physical. And he told me also a spiritual thing. But I didn't know what the mental obsession was.
So David had me to read from the big book that we are possessed of an obsession that someday, someway, we're going to find a way to drink successfully. Now, he had asked me why I would switch from bourbon to scotch to various things, and I'd tell him that I was having trouble with that, so I'd switch it over here. He said, that's what we're talking about, an obsession. I said, now, I'm not going to ask you why you went to wine, I know.
He went there for material reasons, which was right. But I had to get this thing down even simpler than that. So I thought about when I was in college, and I bring that in to let you know I'm educated. Now, Eloise says I'm educated way beyond my intelligence. But we were going out for freshman football, and we had a big old boy, about six, three, or four. He gets bigger every time I tell it. But as I remember it now, he weighed about 230 or 40 pounds, six feet three or four, and his arms came way down below his knees, and his wrists were way up there about halfway of my arm.
Had the biggest hands I ever saw. Had old red, bushy, curly hair that stood out like barbed wire. What Red McGinnis said was lost, and I learned it as everything else I've learned by the hard way. Pain has been the motivating force that has taught me everything. I didn't quit drinking because of the moral issue, because of pain. Red McGinnis taught me something about pain. So I smarted off in the grill there one day, the old red, and the next thing I knew I was getting up off the floor.
And every time I'd get up, Red knocked me back down. And had it not been for some compassionate people that didn't want to see one fellow kill another one and pull him off of me, I think he'd have killed me. You know, that was nearly 50 years ago, and I have no mental obsession whatever today that I could say something smart to Red McGinnis and get by with it. I absolutely, unconditionally surrendered to Red McGinnis.
Nobody had to read me Dr. Tebow's act of surrender. I'd never heard of it, but I surrendered to Red McGinnis. But you know, it wasn't that way with alcohol. It knocked me down time and time and time again, and I'd get up and say it ain't, you ain't gonna do it next time. I'm gonna switch you over here to this gin. I'm gonna switch you over here to this vodka. I'm gonna switch you over here to this beer.
And you know it wasn't until I had a Red McGinnis surrender to alcohol that I ever had the success with this problem.
[00:40:06]
I tell you people that I work with, you've got to have a Red McGinnis surrender. And they don't know what I'm talking about. But I know, and I want to always remember that Red McGinnis surrender. Because now when I grasp this thing and try to run with it, I get on my knees and say, God, I've got to have a Red McGinnis surrender to you. And that Red McGinnis surrender is meaningful to me. Now really an obsession never did develop there because Red McGinnis nipped that obsession in the bud.
But let me tell you what I think is an obsession. We had an old boy down home that was bad to shoot out windows. When he was a little bitty kid, he'd make him a slingshot and shoot out windows. He got a little bigger and got him a air rifle and he'd shoot out windows. The bigger he got, the bigger deal he got to shoot out windows. His daddy was an influential man there in the town and they didn't know what to do with this kid.
And their daddy talked to him. They took him to a psychiatrist and they talked to him. Now a psychiatrist ain't much good with alcoholics and ain't much better with window shooters. He didn't have any luck with this old boy. So finally the judge got him up there and said, now, we're going to stop this thing one way or another. And if you shoot out another window, we're going to send you to the penal farm for $11.29.
Sure enough, that same day they got him again and they sent him to the penal farm. The day the old boy got out, the judge goes out there and meets him, brings him back to town. And said, Bob, what's the first thing you're going to do when you get back home? He said, I'm going to get me a good job. I'm going to get some money in my pocket. I'm going to buy me a set of wheels. I'm going to buy me some good threads.
I'm going to pick out the best looking gal in this county. I'm going to get her out in that convertible. I'm going to get her on a lonely road. I'm going to park. I'm going to take out the back seat and get her out there. I'm going to pull off her panties. And I'm going to pull out the elastic and make me a slingshot and shoot out every damn window in this town. Now, that old boy had an open-up recession.
Now, the judge talked to him. The ministers talked to him. The psychiatrists talked to him. They put him behind that steel. I don't know whether you followed me, but they did me the same way on that obsession to drink. And it wasn't removed. And it wasn't removed until I got on my knees and said a simple prayer to God as I understand him, and began to do the things that the textbook called Alcoholics Anonymous gave me as directions, and follow these, and that obsession was removed.
And that's the only way I know that an obsession can be removed, an obsession to drink. And I hope that the obsession or the idea that overpowers every other idea that I might have, that I hope that obsession to drink has been replaced by an obsession to stay sober. And I think today the idea of staying sober overpowers any idea that I might have to take a drink. So this is what I think an obsession is.
So a mental obsession coupled with a physical allergy. I haven't talked anything about drinking. And the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous don't tell me anything about how to drink or how not to drink. But it tells me a devil of a lot about how to live. Now I took my first drink at the age of 16, and I drank for 29 years until I was 45 years of age. And I was an alcoholic, I think, from the first drink I ever took.
Now to show you how successful I was at drinking, me and two brothers stole a half a gallon of corn whiskey when I was 16 years old. And I got sick, I got drunk, and I passed out. At 45 years of age, I stole a half a gallon of wine, and I got sick, and I got drunk, and I passed out. So in 29 years, I never found a way to successfully drink alcohol. Now if any of you want to know how to empty bottles when this meeting is over, I can tell you how to do that.
But I want to spend my time telling you. I want to spend my time telling you how I have found, one day at a time, to refrain from drinking, and most importantly, to not to want to drink, but to find a comfortable way to live.
[00:45:06]
Somebody mentioned up here that we've got to be comfortable in this program. I gauge each day of my sobriety by how comfortable have you been today. How comfortable have you been in three areas, with Franklin, with my fellow man, and with God as I understand it? If I've been comfortable in these three areas, I've had a good day. If I hadn't, the best thing I need to do, or the first thing I need to do, is to ask myself why.
And if I'm honest, you are never the fault. The last drunk that I got on was the worst one, was the most important one that I was ever on. It wasn't the worst drunk, but it's the drunk that got me to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had attempted suicide several times. I won't say attempted, but I'd made it appear that. I'd try these things, and my wife would come in just in time to say it to me.
And then if she didn't come in, I'd wait on her. But this time, I had fully decided that I was going to take my life. I had a borrowed car, and I'd stolen a piece of plastic hose, and stealing had become a way of life with me. So I'd hooked up the plastic hose to the exhaust, and had it in the window, and I started the engine. And a peculiar thing happened. I got thirsty. And I got thinking about that little spot of wine in this garage apartment that friends were letting me stay there as gratis.
And I thought, what a shame to leave this cruel world and to leave that wine behind. So I went back to polish off that last drink. And then a peculiar thing happened. I passed out. So somewhere the early morning, around 1 or 1.30 of October the 15th, I waked up. I didn't come to, I waked up. And we know the difference. Usually I'd come to and reach down by the side of the bed and get that which would slip me back into the arms of Martha.
But I waked up, and I didn't understand at the end, I do now. But I was as clear of mind as possibly I've ever been, maybe clearer. And my whole life passed before me. And I saw things in a perspective in which I had never seen them before. I no longer blame people and conditions for the condition I was in. I knew where the fault was, and I'd been to you and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for nine months with a closed mind.
But I remembered some things that you told me. And that's when I surrendered. I don't know how to tell anybody to surrender. It's just something that happens within us. Like that Red McGuinness deal. Nobody had to tell me how to surrender to Red McGuinness. It just happened. I had all I wanted of Red McGuinness. So I had all I wanted of this booze. And I got down on my knees, and for the first time in my life I said an honest and sincere prayer.
And I don't know what I said other than God help me. But evidently I stayed there long enough to make a decision and to make a contract. And I think I took the first three steps of this program that early morning of October the 15th, 1956 on my knees that night. I admitted that I absolutely could not handle alcohol. I couldn't drink successfully, and I couldn't keep from drinking. I could quit, sure.
But sometimes it wouldn't be over 15 minutes. But I never could keep from drinking. I admitted that I had done the things I hadn't intended to do, and I'd left undone the things I did intend to do. Therefore, my life was unmanageable, and an unmanageable life to me is just that simple. Now, if my life was unmanageable, I need the manager. And I remembered you told me in step two who this manager was.
Now, if my life was unmanageable and I need the manager, it made sense that I turn my life of will over to this manager. And that's what you told me to do in step three. Now, I realized that before this guard I did not understand was going to move in my house with me. I had to first clean it up. And that's what you told me to do in steps four through ten. But let me back up a little. I got back in bed and went to sleep and slept soundly.
Now, this is against alcoholism as I know it. I slept soundly till around six o'clock that morning. I waked up and went to the kitchen of the lady that was letting me live there and asked her if I could call my sponsor. And I called little old David. And David was there in short order. He sat down on the end of the bed there, and I told him what had happened.
[00:50:04]
And he began to tell things about himself that I'm sure he had told me before, but I hadn't heard. But most importantly, I told David things about me that I had never told another human being. And David said two words which, in my opinion, saved my life. He said, I understand. No one had ever told me that before. And there was a little old drunk that told me he understood, and I knew from the expression in his eyes that David did understand.
And he said, from what you tell me, they're going to get some of your time. And when they do, I want you to get on your knees and say, God, I don't know you, I don't understand you, but I've got some friends that do. And from what they tell me, if I will ask for and accept your help, that you'll do the things for me that you've done for them. And all I'm going to do every morning is report for duty, and you show me what to do and give me the strength and the courage to do it.
And sure enough, two days later, I was captured. And I was taken to jail. It wasn't the first experience. And eventually, I was sent on to the penal farm. Now, he said, while you are out there, you make up your mind you're going to school. You're going to have a little test every day. But your main exam is when you hit the streets and face those lions and tigers again. And you prepare yourself that when you do get out, that you can pass these exams.
And I played that little game. And I went to the warden and asked the warden if we could start an Alcoholics Anonymous group there. And he said we could. I asked if I could call David. And I did, and he came out, and we started that group. And that group's still going. And I'm privileged to go back there occasionally. And it's real great to walk out and hear that door clang from the outside, because there's nothing like the sound of steel if you're on the inside.
And some of those boys are sober today. And I like to think that maybe I had a small part in carrying the message to these boys. But most importantly, old Franklin learned something about how to live while he was going to school out there at that fennel farm. Now, I went along, and I don't know whether anybody else in the AA has had this experience or not, but I went along for nine to nine and a half or ten years, owning my own group, telling everybody what to do, picking the speakers.
And if I had a new man there talking myself, well, he'd get it straight from the horse's mouth. I'm just doing great. And then all of a sudden things begin to go wrong with me. I was having resentment, self-pity. I was intolerant as the devil. Those people had gotten to where they didn't want to do what I told them to do. They'd been sober long enough to think for themselves, and they'd tell me to go to hell.
And now they were telling the Pope. Incidentally, I don't know how that rumor got started. They say that I'm fixing to move the Vatican to Olive Branch, and that my purpose in being up here is to select some nuns. They say that I told them that. I don't know. But anyway, I was getting as uncomfortable as the devil. And I went to my little old sponsor, David, and I said, David, something's wrong. What do I need to do?
He grinned and said, don't drink. Go to meet and read big books. He said, frankly, I've been praying that you'd come to me. I've tried to approach you on this several times. And you put up a wall there where I couldn't get through and you wouldn't listen to me. And I just asked God if he would to let you come to me before you started drinking. And said, we need to get together. So we went out on a lake.
He was great for going on a lake. We went out there and talked about this thing. And he said, there's not but one thing to do, and that's start at the beginning. And said, evidently, we should start with a doctor's opinion because obviously you don't know much about the disease of alcoholism. So we stayed out there a number of hours and we went through the first three steps. And he said, you've taken back your will and you've taken back the fact that your life is unmanageable.
Can you accept now that your life really is unmanageable and of yourself you absolutely can't run it? I said, yes, David, I can see it now.
[00:55:02]
And we got on down to the third step. And you know, after being in AA nearly 10 years and owning my group and being the Pope and all that, I didn't know that Bill suggested that we take this third step with another human being as many times as I'd read it. I think Bob said that Chuck says, and I've heard him say it, we don't see till we see it, we don't hear till we hear. And just I wasn't ready to see this and I wasn't ready to hear it.
But I saw it and I heard it that day. And I didn't realize until then that there's much praying in this deal as is in the big book. And David was strong on that prayer. He believed in prayer. So he had me to read, he turned there in the big book to the chapter 3, to the step 3 on page 63, and he had me to read the prayer that's in there. And I read it. And we were kneeling down by a log out there on the lake.
Then when I finished reading it, David said, do you know what you said? I said, yes, I think I do. He said, I'd like to hear it in your own words and I think God would too. He said, just suppose you say it in words that are simple that you can understand. And I said, David, I think it's this way. I said, God, I offer myself to thee to do with me as I will. Relieve me of the bondage of self so that I may better do thy will.
Take away my character defects so that victory over them may bear witness to those that I might help and bear witness of thy love and thy power. May I always do thy will. And I looked up at little old David. I had my eyes closed and he had his eyes closed. And I looked over at little old David and tears would run down his eyes. And tears would start to run down mine. And I embraced David. And that's the first time in 10 years I'd ever embraced David.
And I told David I loved him. And that's the first time I'd ever told that little squirt I loved him. There are two grown adults crying and thank God that I have learned to express my emotions in a program called Alcoholics Anonymous. I used to have thought that that was being a kid. But the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me differently. So David had me to read about the fourth step. And he told me to go home and to take another fourth step.
And incidentally, I just took another fourth and fifth step two weeks ago. I go to Hot Springs, Arkansas with my sponsor now. That little sponsor David died five years ago and left a big void in my life. And I've got another one now that's real tough, Carl W. And he's just as tough as David. So David had me to read him about the fourth step. And he said, do you really know what you're doing in this fourth step?
I said, I think I do. He said, well, let's go over it again. He said, do you know what an inventory is? I said, yeah, I think it is. I do. He said, well, what is it? It's a moral inventory. David said, yes, it's not an immoral inventory. Now, I want to talk something about this because I think a lot of people, new people coming to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, don't know how to take the fourth step.
I'm not trying to appear to be an authority on it because I'm not. But I know what the big book says about it, and I think our big book, our textbook called Alcoholics Anonymous is an authority on it. Now, I don't use all of these other guides to a fourth step. I'm not saying that they're not all right. But what I know came from a book called Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's what I use, and that's what I try to get the people with whom I work to use.
And he said, yes, not an immoral inventory. He said, moral is both good and bad. And said, inventory means a written list. And said, it means a written list of the good and bad in your life. So I read on down. I'd already read where self-interest and self-centeredness was the root of my problem. David says, put on some instances where these things have dominated. Well, these things have dominated your life.
Then we got on that where it says that we examine three areas of our life. And David told me, he said, don't you go there and write out a long life history
[01:00:04]
telling that you stole such-and-such on such-and-such a time from such-and-such a person, and then you did so-and-so, you got drunk, you went to bed with this gal and such-and-such. He said, that's not what he's talking about. We're trying to find out what's wrong with you. He said, you examine three areas of your life, like the book says, your sex relations, your resentments, and your fears. Now, what do you want to find out about those?
So he had me to turn to the Twelve and Twelve, and he had me to read that all of us have three God-given instincts. The instinct for sex, the instinct for emotional and material security, and for companionship, or seeking a place in society. David said, now what you want to look for in there is which one of those three basic instincts was affected in each of the three areas of your life. And then we looked where it gives us a format there.
I was resentful to Mr. Brown. Why? And the cause. And in taking this inventory, I found out that in every instance that some basic instinct of mine had been threatened. One of those three basic instincts. And I also found out that the end result of it was fear. So when I took this inventory with David, David said, do you know what fear is? I said, I sure do. It's where self-reliance fails. Then fear takes over.
He said, well, you admitted in step one that you of yourself was absolutely nothing. So what we've got to do is come to rely on a power greater than ourselves, rather than ourselves. And what I'm trying to get onto is this is my opinion of my own personal inventory. I think the motivating force that caused me to do all of the things that I did wrong was trying to satisfy a human ego. Trying to satisfy a human ego.
And it's impossible. It's impossible with an alcoholic. It's impossible with anyone. Certainly with we alcoholics, what would you give for just one drink? A little bit of nothing never was enough for any alcoholic. It certainly wasn't enough for me. Sex, anything. So I was trying to satisfy a human ego. Then when I took this fourth step with him, David said, let's get the big book out again. Well, we had it right there.
And he had me to read that you go home and get in a quiet place and review, re-read these first five steps and see if you have omitted anything. He says, if you have, write them down again and come back and we'll get rid of that. He says, if you haven't omitted anything, well, then you're ready for steps six and seven. And if you're not entirely ready, ask God to make you ready. And to tell God, and he had me to read this from the big book, God, I ask, I am now willing that you take all of me, the good and the bad, and take away any difficulty which might stand in the way of my usefulness to you and to my fellow man.
And may I always do thy will. Then he said, you're ready for steps eight and nine. You made your list in step four. So in step nine, you go directly. If there's anybody that you haven't made amends to, and if you're not willing, there again, I didn't realize there was as much praying in this deed. He said, you ask for the willingness and ask for it until it comes to where you can go and make demands, make amends to these.
Then continue to take a personal inventory. And when wrong, promptly admit it. I think someone else mentioned this. Promptly with me sometimes can mean ten days or two weeks, or maybe even longer. But I'm supposed to do this each day, and I know sometimes I don't. But I'll tell you this, when I get to hurting badly enough, then I do it. I said that pain is a motivating force that has caused me to. See, I've had enough of this thing to where I have something to compare with.
[01:05:00]
I've had a lot of good days, and I've had some bad days, and I want more of those good days. Then sort through talking and listening to God to improve my conscious contact. I've been retired for a year, and I think I've learned more about meditation in the last 12 months than I've ever learned in all of the other 21 years, approximately 21 years in this program. And I've been able to sit there and reflect and think back and think of things that have happened in my life.
And I think I've become more grateful. And I think that the more that I am able to talk and listen to God, the more that I come to believe that God is. And I get to thinking about the power that's in this program, what it's done for me, what it's done for you. And scare, as I told Don last night, is really not the word, but it scares me. And I realize that there's no way in the world that I'll ever get all of this thing to say.
But there's just so much power there. And I heard a young, Blanton and I heard a young kid here not long ago from Colorado say that we can do anything in this program by enlisting the aid of a higher power, God. And said we'll never run out of God. And I've come to recognize that. I can have anything in this program if I'm willing to trust in God and rely on God and do these things in the book. That is, if I'm ready to receive them, if I'm spiritually fit.
So I have come to believe, and to believe with me means to rely. I have come to rely on the forgiveness of God for yesterday and the grace of God for tomorrow. And when I can do this, and I can do this most days, when I can do this, that only gets it down to the day and I can handle one day at a time. And it's a real beautiful life, a real beautiful life. And as I say, I've had enough of it the way I want it the most.
And I know where it all comes from and I know what I need to do. It's just keep it simple and follow these directions one day at a time and it'll happen. To improve my conscious contact, this implies I've had a previous contact. I sure as the devil have. In steps two and three, I misread this in the beginning. I thought it said came to believe that God, came to believe in God. But David pointed out to me that I've come to believe in God as a result of working the first nine steps.
And let me say here, we talk about surrender. This is my opinion, and the big book bears it out. The first nine steps of this program will surrender any person who will take them, whether they be agnostic, whatever they be. These first nine steps will surrender any person that'll take them. I know I was telling David back there, I said, David, all you people are married, all of you got nice jobs, you got nice wheels, nice threads and all this.
I said, I too could stay sober if I had all these things. He said, turn to page 98. Said, read right there, put his finger on it. Said, wife or no wife, job or no job. Our sobriety does not depend on others. And then down a little bit further in italics. And he said, something that's in italics is important. Said, but it does depend on his willingness to trust God and clean house. He said, now turn to page 99 and read down to bottom page 99, top page 100.
And I read and said the same thing there. I said, David, that just says the same thing. He said, I know it. Said, they figured a cat like you was going to come along. And he missed it on page 98. And said, page 100 is easier for you to remember than 99. So don't ever give me that jazz anymore. Said, this is not a people post. This is a God post. He says, you'll come to believe in God as a result of working these first nine steps.
And I have found that to be so because the promises at the end of step nine on page 83 and 84 bear this out.
[01:10:08]
And the last, which is beautiful, that we suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. So having had a spiritual awakening, this spiritual awakening deal scared the devil out of me in the beginning. It sounded catchy. And I said, David, what in the devil is a spiritual awakening? I said, you're bringing some more of this God stuff up, and I've already told you I'm an agnostic.
So he had me read that a spiritual awakening is nothing more or less than simply a personality change. And I said, you ain't got nothing to worry about. You ain't got no damn personality. Now, that's what I'm talking about tough sponsorship and profundity. He got through to this old boy. I didn't need Bill saying something about deflating the ego at depth. He didn't know David Gates was coming along.
Because that little spread deflated my ego. So having had a personality change as a result of the first 11 steps, I decided to tote this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs. What message is it talking about? I only have one message, and you only have one message if you're practicing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the 12th step tells me what it is. A spiritual awakening as the result of the first 11 steps.
There's an old black boy over in Little Rock, Arkansas that I love dearly, and he says it real good. He said Paul Revere rode through the country one night carrying a terrific message and never did get on off his horse. He's just saying the British are coming. He didn't get on and tell them, now if I was you, I'd do so-and-so and do so-and-so. Said he just went through carrying a simple message. The British are coming.
He didn't have to tell them that. So the only message I've got to carry to any sick alcoholic is a spiritual awakening that I've had as a result of the first 11 steps. And then tried to tote this message. How long do I have this thing which I have this morning? The book tells me I only have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. How'd I get it? I think I can best tell you how I got it by telling you what this Jewish Cardinal told his disciples some 2,000 years ago.
Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. And knock and the door shall be opened unto you. I asked for and received a spiritual release from a spiritual illness. I sought and knowing not what I sought, I found you people. People who cared and people who understood. And I knocked and I used willingness as a key. And the door was opened unto me. And I stepped through the archway and there again I found you people.
In finding you people, I found love. In finding love, I found God. And peace and happiness and serenity slipped in the back door. I thank God for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Because it was my God that directed me to you people. And it was you people who directed me to the God of my understanding. I like to play this with my football story, which is mine, which sums up to me a whole lot of what this deal is.
I like football and I just like to think that this morning the God of my understanding is saying unto me, Franklin, I'm getting up a football team and I'm going to make you the quarterback. And I'm going to give you 11 men on this team that you lost during your active alcoholism. I'm going to give you three men in the backfield that you lost during your active alcoholism. And I'm going to give them back to you in the reverse order of what you lost.
I'm going to give you hope, faith, and charity. I'm going to give you seven powerful men in the line. At the two ends, I'm going to give you honesty and humility. At the two tackles, I'm going to give you patience and tolerance. At the two guards, I'm going to give you unselfishness and gratitude. And at the center, I'm going to give you willingness. Now, it will be necessary that you use willingness on every play, because this game is going to last a long time.
Going to Have to Give You Some Ground Rules, And The Ground Rules Are The Ten Commandments, The First Four of These Commandments Have To Do With Your Relationship With Your Coach
[01:15:01]
And Your Manager Guard, And The Last Six of These Commandments Have To Do With Your Relationship With Your Teammates, Now The Ball Is Your Eternal Soul, And The Goals Are The Gateposts Of Heaven, Now Get In There And Play Ball, Ladies And Gentlemen, I Need Each And Every One Of You In My Search For Truth In This Game Of Life, And I Thank God For People Like You And The Program Of Alcoholics Anonymous, And If You Don't Believe This Program Will Help, Just Keep It Simple And Follow The Directions, And If You Don't Believe That God Will Help You, Just Ask Him, Thank You And God Bless You And I Love You, Thank You.