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Source: DICOBE-00175 – George C – FOUNDERS DAY – 1979-01-15.mp3 File: dicobe-00175-george-c-founders-day-1979-01-15.mp3 Duration: 01:09:08
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Yeah, it sounds nice, thank you. I'm the chairman for the meeting tonight, and I'm the Akron Area Al-Anon Intergroup Chairman. After tomorrow night, I'll be the past chairman. Boy, is that going to be feel good. Would you all join me in the serenity prayer? Thank you. I'd like to welcome all of you. Boy, we've got a packed house tonight. It's really great to see so many people here. I'd like to welcome you all to the 44th Annual Alcoholics Anonymous Founders Day Celebration. It's a very great privilege for Al-Anon and Allotine to be asked to participate in this each year. We do it very gratefully. I'd like in the middle, and this is George III. On the flyers, it says George Jr., and I didn't know that it was George III, so he told his dad that he could make both leads since he was a junior. He'll get me later. I guess George III is going to go first.
Hi, everybody. My name is George O'Neill. I belong to the Light of New Hope Allotte in Harvard, Ohio. It's been a long time since we've been asked to lead Founders Day. People say, are you nervous? No. I really wasn't that nervous all week until coming up here today and then the tension hit. Yes, I am very nervous now. Everybody's been asking me that question all day long. Before I came into the program, well, by the way, I've been in the program five years and three months. I came in on March 24th, 1974. Before I came into the program, I didn't like myself. I used to treat my brothers rotten, my brother and my two sisters. I used to get enjoyment out of beating Johnny up, you know, making him cry. A lot of times, I didn't want him to come around with my friends and me because I wanted him to find his own friends. It came down to points where he'd come with us and then he'd come home crying. I'd come home and my mom would say, well, from now on, if you don't want to take Johnny with you, then you just can't go. So I really didn't have no choice taking Johnny where I wanted to. With my parents, I didn't lose no respect for my parents before I came into Allotine. I knew something was wrong, but I just, I knew I was different somehow, at least I thought I was. We were talking in school one day and this girl said, my dad never hit me, neither did my mom. I thought to myself, what's wrong with my dad and my mom? I used to get lickings and stuff like that. That was one thing I always wondered about. Why am I so different? After coming to Allotine, I found out that I really wasn't so different. There's a lot of people just like me. In school, my grades were alright. They were average. They weren't really super. Most of the time, I just followed around with the crowd. And if the crowd got in trouble, then I got in trouble. A lot of times, the people that I thought were my friends really weren't my friends. You'd be in a jam or something and they just wouldn't help out in any way they could. They just ran away and I didn't really understand that until I came to Allotine. Before Allotine, one year in football, my first year, I couldn't take it. I wanted to quit. My dad said, you're not
[00:05:01]
going to be a quitter. You signed up for football, stick it out for a year. Then if you want to quit, you can. That was one thing I was glad about, now that I look back. My dad didn't want no quitters in the family. At least, he didn't want me to become a quitter. Because once you quit the second time, it just keeps getting easier and easier to quit. I'm glad that he made me stick out that year. My dad was in the program for three years and my mom was in the program for two years before I even came to Allotine. I thought that since my dad was in AA and my mom was in Al-Anon, why did I need Allotine? As I look back now, I still have this thinking thinking that I had even though my parents were in the program.
I needed Allotine and I still need it today, even though I have five years and three months in the program. The way I got into the program, my mom had asked me if I wanted to go to Allotine. I had told her no because I was afraid. I didn't know any people there and I didn't want anybody to know that I had a father that had a problem. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to Allotine and I told her no. Then she said, okay, you don't have to go. A while later, my mom came back to me again and she said, George, there's some kids from Humbert going to Allotine. Would you like to go? I said, okay, I'll go. I went just to see who was going. I got to be honest. They said that if you keep coming back for six weeks, you get a folder to keep your literature in. Well, I made five weeks. In the sixth week, I decided to go to a basketball game, so I didn't make the six weeks. The following week, which would have been my seventh week if I had gone, the seven people from Humbert decided they were going to the Allotine meeting in Youngstown and decided to start their own group in Humbert. That was really good for the kids in Humbert because they didn't have an Allotine group. It was good for me because through Allotine, I found out what I was, my real self. Before Allotine, I know I didn't want to be that mean person. I didn't want to beat up my brother, but Allotine has helped me. It has helped me. Johnny, he's out here today in the audience. One day, I said, John, do you want to go fishing? That was the first time I'd asked him to go anywhere with me. We had a good time fishing together. We talked.
We got to know each other better. Since then, if there's a movie showing or something we want to go, we'll go out and see it. I'll take him out. If he wants to go someplace, all I got to do is ask and I'll take him. Before, I wouldn't take him anywhere. I didn't want to see your brother. No, he's not my brother. That's just the way I was. Through Allotine, my grades in school have gone up. I get along better with my brother and my sisters and my parents. Before, I was never able to talk to my parents. If I had a problem or something, I couldn't talk to them. But now, I know that if I have a problem, I can talk to my parents because they'll understand. My dad always tells me, and so does my mom, you're responsible for your own actions. That's true.
If I'm going to do something and I know it's wrong, I've got to think. Whatever I do, I'm responsible for. I can't blame it on anybody else. Allotine has helped me a lot in sports. When you're down or something because things aren't going right for you, I say the serenity
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prayer because you have to learn to accept the things you cannot change. I've met a lot of new people in Allotine, a lot of my true friends. I don't know how many of them are here today from Harvard, but there's a lot of them. Plus, from all over the United States and Canada, they're here today too. You're all my true friends because you'll help me in any way you can. If I'm in trouble, you won't run away. That was something that I found in Allotine that I never had before. It's good in school, especially because in high school right now, there's one other friend of mine that goes to Allotine. It's good to see him in school when you're around with all those earth people all day long. I see my buddy in school and we say hi and we start to talk. It makes me feel good inside to know that there's someone there just like me that understands me. Through Allotine, they say the benefits. I've gone to conferences with the Allotine group and my dad's friend used to take me to conferences with him. You meet a lot of new people. I used to wonder. People would come up to me and say, you're George O'Neill's son, aren't you? I said, how do you know that? I just didn't know. I came home and I said, Dad, this gentleman here or this lady said to tell you hello. They knew who I was. I said, I didn't know who they were. My dad says, George, there's a lot of people that you don't know that know who you are. I found that out before Allotine. My buddy and I went to a house that was just being built. We went in and used the phone.
I come home five minutes later. My mom says, how come you and Mark were inside that house that they're building over there on the next street over? That was just five minutes that I made the phone call. She knows already. I just didn't understand that. But everybody in the neighborhood knew me. Through Allotine, like I said, there's a lot of benefits going to conferences. Like right now, this is a benefit talking to you people. When I first came to the program, I never thought I'd be up here. And it's good to see people grow in the program. I know right now I have a sister, Cheryl. She's not here right now. She's back home. But we never thought she'd get in the program.
Just the way she was acting in that, I never thought she'd get in the Allotine program. But by the grace of God, she's here today. And our group started a preteen group. And I helped out with that. And my other little sister, Allison, is in that group. So the whole family's in there now. And it's good to see, you know, your sisters not fighting with each other. And like the house is all peace and quiet now. Before, you know, as soon as my dad walked in from work, everything started.
But, you know, now, before it was just a house. But now it's a home. And there's love in our home. You know, if someone in the family's upset or, you know, down, we all try to pick that person up and, you know, find out what's wrong and see if we can help them out. And before, you know, if John was having problems or one of my brothers or one of my sisters, you know, it really didn't matter to me. I just, you know, went along my merry way and, you know, didn't care about them. But, you know, through Allotine, it has brought me closer with my brother and my sister and my mom and dad. And we first started our Allotine group. My mom was, you know, we had, our mothers were the only ones that, you know, volunteered to be our sponsors. And we took a vote and my mom was sponsor for a year. And that year, the first year in Allotine, we went to Cleveland Conference. And it was great.
We had a good time. We all learned something from that. And a lot of the people And a lot of the people that I've met at different conferences, I, you know, I see them around and it's good to see them, because, you know, you, you don't see them in such a long time, you, you begin to miss them, and you, you know, you think, well, I wonder what, you know, so-and-so is doing now.
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Um, Alateen has helped me, you know, like the steps and the slogans. The slogans, they help out a lot when you, you know, you're in a bad state, you know, and you're real mad, you, you know, you just wanna, like today, coming up, first time I drove up to Akron. And, uh, I was, it was the first time I had driven on the Akron Interstate up here, and my, my dad was in the front seat, and my mom and a guest of ours was in the back seat, along with my brother, and, uh, you know, all three, my mom, my dad, and my mom's friend are telling me how to drive.
Well, you know, I know they got, they got, they got more, you know, I know they got more experience than me, but, you know, like they say, uh, backseat drivers and stuff like that, you know, and that's about what it was like, and it, you know, my, there's, my dad, you know, says, easy does it, just take it easy, we'll get there, and, you know, by the grace of God, we got here. Um, my sponsor for the Allenteen Group that now is here today, and so is my past sponsor, and I'm glad that they're here today, because if it wasn't for them, our group would have folded.
And a lot of people say, well, you know, you know, if an Allenteen Group folds, you know, it's just like if you're AA or Al-Anon Group folded, and down where we are, there aren't that many Allenteen Groups, and that's why it's important to us to have that meeting, and if, you know, at the beginning, I didn't drive or nothing, if it wasn't for my parents, you know, I wouldn't be an Allenteen. I, uh, had the, you could say honor of being the chairman for our five-year anniversary Allenteen meeting, and, uh, it was really good to see all the people that support us.
Just like now, it's really good to see all these people here today, because you're all friends, and you all share a common interest, or you have the same problem, and it's just good to see you all, and I'd like to thank you for asking me to lead. My name's Carol O'Neill, and I'm a grateful, active, happy member of the Allenteen family. Hi, everybody. Hi, Carol. Hubbard Friday Night is my home group, and I think that's very important, you know, to have a place to belong, and Hubbard Friday Night is my home Allenteen meeting.
I was teasing some of them, because I think most of them are here tonight, and I want to know who's keeping the store open at home, but there are people at home keeping those doors open, too. When we arrived, you know, first when we were asked to lead this conference, the love began, you know, to penetrate from Pat and her family, and then from Wayne, and like this afternoon when we arrived, they made us feel very warm, very comfortable, and the love was there, just like the love that's in this room tonight.
And Wayne was very insistent that we go up to the dormitory room, you know, and so we went with them, and here they had a welcome sign on our door, you know, it said, welcome to both of us. And they must have been in our bedrooms at home, because they knew which side of the room that I sleep on. I sleep on the right side of the bed. We have twin beds, but they had it in the dorm here, but they have this great big sign, and it came from our forum, and it's over my bed, the bed that I'll sleep in, you know, and I'm sure many of you Al-Anon gals and guys have seen it, and he's got her down in the basement, and he's got her all tied up, and she's sitting in a chair, and he's got the garden hose coming through the window.
[00:20:05]
He's going to kill her is what he's going to do, and she's still telling him what to do. By the grace of God and the fellowship of Al-Anon, I hope I'm a little bit better than that today. I came from an average family. There were three of us, and I'm the oldest. My sister and I married brothers, and I thought for a long, long time that I had gotten the rotten one. But, you know, after we got ready tonight, and I looked at my husband, all I could say to him was, we've come a long way, baby, and I wouldn't trade him today for anybody.
And it's only through the fellowship of AA and Al-Anon and Al-Teen that I feel this way. My husband was in Alcoholics Anonymous. He had stopped drinking, and I had always thought that this was what I wanted. If he would only stop drinking, everything would be fine. He stopped, but he didn't stop the way I wanted him to. I didn't want all these changes to take place in my life. I didn't want him going to meetings every night of the week, and I didn't want to change my friends.
And so I was still miserable and hateful and resentful, and I couldn't understand why. I would attend AA meetings with him, and I loved the people, and I loved the fellowship, but I didn't feel like I belonged. There was something missing. And, you know, most of us in the program of Al-Anon, we know when a new person comes in the door. We know how they feel, and we know what they're thinking, and, you know, we've all been there.
And this one gal, every time she would see me, you know, when I'd see her coming towards me, I'd think, no, I'm going to back away. I don't want to hear what she has to say, because she'd tell me, you know, there's a program for you, too, and it's called Al-Anon. And you're just as sick as your husband, and you need Al-Anon. And I didn't want to hear her. I didn't want to hear that, because I thought, you know, I don't want to hear that.
And I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear that, because I thought, you know, it's better than it was. It's not like I would like to have it, but there's nothing wrong with me. It's him. Growing up, I was a very determined person. You know, I'm supposed to try. I'm terribly nervous, and you'll have to bear with me, and I'm supposed to try and share with you my experience, my strength, and my hope.
And I'm trying to the best of my ability. I'll probably jump around a little bit and get you confused, but just bear with me, and it'll be okay. I was a very determined person when I was growing up. What Carol wanted, Carol usually got. And I didn't know, you know, after I married George, I didn't know anything about the disease of alcoholism. I didn't know that he was becoming an alcoholic. He was not an alcoholic when I married him.
He drank too much, but I thought that this would pass. And the change that took place over me was so gradual that I didn't realize what was happening, because I was very determined. I had a lot of self-confidence. I like people. I like to talk to people. I like to go to parties. I like to be out in the public. And every so gradually and slowly, all of these things in me began to change, because I was ashamed of the way my husband drank.
And I tried to hide and tried to cover up, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I was withdrawing into a shell. I didn't like to go out of the house. I didn't like to belong to any of the clubs or the activities that went on in Hubbard. But this all didn't happen to me overnight. It happened very slowly and very gradually. And so no wonder when someone told me that I was sick and I needed Al-Anon, no wonder I didn't believe her, because for so long, all the feelings that I had and all the trouble and the problems that went on in our life, I blamed on George.
And I didn't want to hear the fact that there was something wrong with me. It finally got to the place where I agreed to go to an Al-Anon meeting.
[00:25:00]
And I went to three, I believe it was. And I only attended long enough until I found an excuse not to go back, because I didn't feel comfortable there. They were telling me that I had to change, and I had to change my attitude, and I couldn't change anybody else but myself. And I wasn't willing to do these things. I still wanted to blame everything on George. I felt very mixed up and very confused, but I wasn't willing to make any changes.
We're the parents of four children. Three of them are adopted. And after 12 years, I found out I was pregnant. And this was the time that I was trying Al-Anon. And I just went long enough until I would come home crying and hurt and looking for a reason not to go back, and of course getting George to feel sorry for me, and he'd say, hon, that's okay, you don't have to go. If it's upsetting you that much, you don't have to go.
And this is what I wanted. And I thought that I had learned something in the three meetings. I didn't realize then that you have to, like today I know, the longer I'm here, the more I have to go back and the more I learn. I thought I had it all sewed up in about three meetings and it would carry me through. It came to a place for me where I didn't like the changes in my husband. Most definitely I didn't like the changes.
He seemed so self-righteous to me. He seemed like he had all of the answers to everything. And I was sick of hearing about AA, and I was sick of hearing about God, and I was just sick of the whole business. And I said to him one day, you know, I said, I'm sick of you and I'm sick of your God and I'm sick of your AA. And he turned around to me and gave me a beautiful smile, and he said, if you don't like my God, get one of your own.
Now, in my mixed up, confused thinking, I thought, you alcoholics really messed him up now. Because I thought, we all know there's only one God. What is he talking about? So I didn't do it for the right reasons. I did it out of spite. I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll get a God of my own. I don't need your God. So I, you know, decided that maybe the best thing for me was to go back to Al-Anon. And when I did, it was a little different because I went with a different attitude.
I went with the attitude that I was the one that needed help. And the night that I returned, it was good for me because there were only a few people at that meeting that night. And a big crowd like this scared the heck out of me. And a few people was good because I felt comfortable and I felt like I could talk. Because I grew up in a home, whatever happened in your home, you left in that home. You didn't go around and tell everybody your problems and everybody your troubles.
And it was very difficult for me to express my feelings and my fears and my frustrations. But because that meeting was small that night, I was able to do it. And it didn't work overnight. You know, I felt warm and comfortable when I was at an Al-Anon meeting. And I would go home and be the same hateful, miserable person that I had been before I went to the meeting that night. And then one day someone told me, you have to take this program home with you.
You have to practice this program at home. You see, I had been leaving the meeting parked in the driveway with the car and going in and still being the sergeant at arms. Still, you know, you didn't feed the kids the right things. You didn't pick up the papers. You didn't do this. You didn't do that. Sort of like that cartoon I told you guys about when I started. And I was told, take the program home.
And I did. I tried it and it worked. You know, take that happy smile that you wear at the meeting. Take it home and use it at home. And it worked. You know, when we were asked to lead this conference, I have to say this, it keeps popping up in my mind, you know. And we had attended a conference at Punderson and the speakers there that weekend were very beautiful and I got something more out of each one as they talked.
Something more out of each one as they talked all weekend long, you know, we were driving home with Dawn and Sue, very good friends of ours in the program and I'm going on and on, you know, I'm not a conference speaker and I'm scared to death and blah, blah, blah, you know, and Dawn said, you think too much. And you know, that helped me because every time I think about Founders Day, I think you think too much and I'd start to giggle and I'd forget it and it would be okay.
[00:30:23]
You know, I'm grateful to be here tonight and I'm grateful to be part of Al-Anon. I didn't want to work to be in Al-Anon. When I came back to the meetings, I wanted everybody in the program to hand it to me on a silver platter, say, you know, put their arm around me and say, here it is, you can have it. But I'm grateful today that that isn't how it works. I had to work the 12 steps and I had to work the slogans. And it wasn't easy because it wasn't easy for me to take a look at myself. It was much easier for me to blame everything on George.
You know, during the drinking too, just to go back a little bit, I want to tell you that I gave my husband kidney trouble one time because I got so upset and so angry when he was drinking. And one of his friends brought him home. We were living in a second floor apartment at the time. And he had to carry him up the flight of stairs and he parked him in the hallway and he left him. Well, George had his lunchbox with him and he was going to lay down and have himself asleep and he was going to sleep there all night long. And I thought, no way, you're not sleeping in this hallway. So out of anger and out of frustration, I grabbed him by the hair of his head and I banged his head down on the lunchbox and I pick his head up again and I bang it down on the lunchbox and I did that.
The thing that frightens me today is I don't remember stopping. See, I suffered a blackout too out of anger and frustration and I do not remember stopping. Well, we had a silent period for the next couple of days because I wasn't talking to him. And one night he came home from work and he said, you better call me a kidney specialist. And I thought, what's he talking about? And he said, my hair hurts.
Well, he had been talking to some of them experts that he works with and some of them fellows that he drinks with, had drank with in the bar and they told him, when your hair hurts, you've got kidney trouble. It wasn't easy. But I had to admit to him what I had done. And I believe it was the next day he went and got himself a haircut and it was the shortest butch you have ever seen. But these are some, you know, that's one of the insane things that I did when he was drinking because I had become so angry and so frustrated. You know, why does he drink the way he does?
He could never seem to save any for tomorrow. You know, he always had a drink at all right now, would always be the last one to leave a party. There would never be anything left to drink by the time we left. And I couldn't understand this, you know, I didn't know that he was suffering from a disease and that the disease was alcoholism and that he couldn't help being the way that he was. Just like, you know, after any drinking episode he would say to me, I'm never going to drink again. And I would believe him until the next time he drank and then I think, you know, what happened? How come he did it again?
You know, it must be something that I'm doing wrong. And I think this is one of the reasons why it was so hard for me to accept the fact that AA was going to work for George. I had believed him so many times and been hurt so many times that I really didn't think that AA was going to work and I was full of fear and I didn't want to put all of my trust and my hope in the fact that it would work. When I would come home from the Al-Anon meetings, you know, I'd tell him a little bit about what the program was about and I'd say, they told me to detach from you.
And this would upset him, you know, and he said to me one time, he said, don't quit caring. And I said, no George, that's not what that means. Detaching means release with love. Detaching means mind your own business. Detaching from, you know, I have learned means just butt out.
[00:35:11]
You know, it's really great today to realize that he can think for himself. He doesn't need me. I have enough problem taking care of me. And even that's a full-time job, you know, it's not easy. And without the God of my understanding, that higher power that I found in this program and through the people in the program, I found my own God today, by the way. But we share him. It's okay. He's not mine and he's not George's. He's everybody's. But without him, I wouldn't have the strength to stand up here tonight because I rely on him totally.
I ask him for guidance. I ask him for comfort. I don't ask for anything for myself today like I once did. A lot of times I ask my God for things for people in the program, you know, friends of ours maybe that are having particular problems. You know, and that's sort of another funny thing, too. Today I kneel down and I ask this God of my understanding for his help. I think this humbles me and allows me to ask him.
And at night I remember to kneel down and thank him, no matter how my day's gone. And when I first began to do this, after I thought, you know, I told George, I'll show you, I'll get my own God. And I had forgotten about this also, but I was reminded because I had shared it with somebody once. I used to kneel down in the bathroom because I didn't want George to see me. You talk about false pride. I had it. I had it. I had it.
I had forgotten about this also, but I was reminded because I had shared it with somebody once. I used to kneel down in the bathroom because I didn't want George to see me. You talk about false pride. I had it, too. I didn't even want my husband to know that his suggestion might be working. I would kneel in the bathroom. I don't do that today. I don't do that today. I think the hardest thing for me, as far as the slogans, is first things first. Because I get so enthusiastic, you know, and I want to give this program away.
Because they told me, if you don't give it away, you can't keep it. And I want to keep it today because it was too hard for me to come by. And I hurt too much and I want to keep what I have. But sometimes I get overenthusiastic and I want to give it all away, you know, and I forget to take first things first. And I had to learn it the hard way. I have to take care of myself first. And if I do that, then everything generally falls into place.
I used to try and live by a schedule and I don't do that anymore either. I just ask God for guidance for my day and whatever happens, happens. It's okay. I've learned to easy does it and hang loose and however it turns out, it's all right. I'm grateful that I'm married to an alcoholic. And I know sometimes when people hear me say this, it upsets them. But that's okay. Because when I first came to this program, I didn't have any opinion. And everything I've said here tonight is my opinion.
And I would not voice it because I was afraid to, because I thought that you people would hold me to it for the rest of my life. And I know that you don't. This is how I feel right now at this moment. Five minutes from now, I might feel differently, but I haven't as of yet in the eight years that I've been in Al-Anon. I am grateful that I'm married to an alcoholic. Because if I wasn't married to an alcoholic, I would not have this way of life.
It would not have been necessary for me to find a program to improve myself. Because I was sick, it is a family disease like we all know, because I reacted to the disease of alcoholism. And without him and his alcohol, I would not have found Al-Anon, and he wouldn't have found the beautiful people in this program, and I wouldn't have found the love. Because when I started to talk, like I told you people, the love that we felt when we came here this afternoon, I can feel it coming back to me tonight.
And because of alcoholism in my life, this is a benefit. I want to thank you for asking my family to be part of this 44th AA Founders Day. You know, it's like a dream. I married a drunk, and I went to Al-Anon, and by the grace of God and beautiful people, here we are tonight. Thank you, and God bless all of you.
[00:40:02]
Hi everybody, I'm George O'Neal, and I'm an alcoholic. Ain't this something? Boy, drunk, huh? My sponsor told me, God rest his soul, he passed away. He said, you stick with us and you'll wear diamonds. And by God, look at them, they're all out there shining, and this is just part of them. I had my last drink on the 26th of April, 1970. I'm a member of the Hubbard Wednesday Night AA group. I'd like to congratulate all the alcoholics who are here, because this is the 44th anniversary of Founders Day.
And I'm an alcoholic, and I'm part of it, so congratulations. It's an honor to be asked to speak at any kind of AA doings. Because you know, when I drank for so many years, I heard, man, why don't you shut up? And then I'd have to say to the guy sitting next to me, why don't you shut up so I can talk? And that brother that married my wife's sister, he's a little bigger than me, he's just about as big as Tom Brown.
And he's three years younger than me, and boy, he's tough. He made a rule, see? If we'd be drinking together, the first guy that said shut up got cut off. Well, there was quite a few squabbles about that. I'm nervous, I'll tell you that. And I'm sweating. I sit down in the chair over there, and I get up, and the chair was wet. I said, holy mackerel. Lois came up on the platform, and it's awfully nice to meet you.
And she said, where shall I sit? And it's up to me, she can sit right here, see? She can sit right up here. Because you see, without her and her beautiful husband, where would I be? I'd still be in the gutter, wondering what was the matter with me. I'd still be laying on that dirty old couch like I was the day I had my last drink, wondering what the hell are you going to do? What are you going to do?
But you see, the man who owned the apartment house that we moved into when we moved to Hubbard, he found sobriety in AA. And my brother planted the seed in me that day when he came to the hospital to get me out of that emergency room. He said, Freddy used to drink, and he'd done something about it. And by the grace of God in AA, when I called Fred, he was still sober. And you see, maybe had he taken a drink and not been sober, I wouldn't be here either.
See, I took why out of my vocabulary when I came to AA, because my sponsor, he's passed away now, he told me early, he said, you know, George, you're an alcoholic. Because I used to wonder why all these good things happened to me, you know? Hey, the bills were getting paid, I was going to work. Carol and I were still fighting because I was going to AA meetings. And them old-timers told me, if you don't go to meetings, you're going to get drunk.
And I believed them. So in spite of everything, I'd go to meetings. And he told me, stick with us and things will get better. And I used to wonder why all these good things were happening to me. And I asked him one day, I said, hey, Freddy, why is all these good things happening to me? He said, hey, Freddy, why is all these good things happening to me? He said, George, don't ask why. He says, you're an alcoholic.
He said, and inevitably, he said, you might find out why. He said, you might find out why this happened and why that happened. He said, and then one day you're going to say, why can't I drink? He said, you're going to try to go back and change that. He said, and you're still going to get drunk because you're an alcoholic. And I believed him, see, so I don't ask why anymore. I just accept things. I read in a big book, it says, tell a little bit about how it was, what happened and what you're doing now.
It was hell, see. By the grace of God, I hadn't been in jail yet. I haven't had a DWI yet. I haven't lost a home yet. I haven't lost a job yet. I haven't lost a family yet. I haven't been in a penitentiary yet. But you see, all these things are in that jug for me. I belong to the greatest thing that ever happened to mankind, I feel. The Biggest Thing That Ever Happened to Mankind, I Feel, And I Would Be a Fool, Because I Never Drank One Drink, I Don't Ever Think I Ever Drank One Drink in My Life,
[00:45:01]
Cut Him Off the End, So I'm Gonna Cut Off Little on the End, I Was One of Six Children, Irish Catholic Family, My Dad Worked on a Railroad, I Was Raised in a Catholic Home, My Dad Drank, I Knew What Alcohol Did, He Was One of Them Guys, He'd Get Drunk, He'd Come Home, Him and My Mother Would Argue Once in a While, He'd Go About His Business, He Liked to Sing, He Was a Barbershopper, He'd Sing and He'd Tell Jokes, He Had a Witty Disposition, I Think, Which I Inherited a Little Bit from Him, He'd Go to Bed, The Next Day He'd Get Up, Shake His Head, Wash His Face, Get All Dressed Up, He Used to Wear a Tie to Work, He Was a Proud Old Little Irishman, God Rest His Soul, He'd Go to Work, I Thought, My God, I Didn't Take a Drink Until I Was Twenty-Two Years Old, But Everybody That I Run Around With Drank, I Knew About God, Because I Went to Parochial School for Eight Years and One Year of Catholic High School, I Served Mass Until I Was Twenty-Seven Years Old, Sometimes I Had a Hangover and I'd Be Serving Mass, Sometimes I'd Wake Up in a Blackout and I'd Be on the Altar Praying, But You See, This Was Mechanics, I Could Do These Things, I Guess I Was One of Them, I Heard a Guy Say, A Functioning Alcoholic, My Sponsor's in the Back There Now, Boy, It's Great to See Him, I Got a New Sponsor Since My Sponsor Passed Away, And It Was Sure Great to See Him, And I Made a Lead in Warren One Night, And He Said to Me, You Were an Instant Alcoholic, That's Why You Didn't Have No Fun, And I Believed Him, He Said, You Waited Too Long Before You Started Drinking, And I Believed Him, Because I Had My First Drink, I Got Drunk and I Didn't Know What Happened to Me, But I Know I Had a Blackout, Because I Don't Know How I Got Home.
I Woke Up the Next Morning, My Mother Was One of These People, You Know, Come Hell or High Water, You Went to Church on Sunday Morning, Boy, If You Didn't Go to Church, You Stayed in Bed, Because You Were Sick, I Got Up and I Walked Outside and, Boy, The Sun Was Bright, My Head Was Hurting and I Had This Sick Feeling in My Stomach, Talking about Stomach, My Little Daughter, She's the Same Age as I Am, We're Both Nine, You Know, She'll Be Nine in September, She Said to Me This Morning, She Said, Hey, Dad, I Said, What, She Said, Are You Nervous, I Said, No, Allison, I Ain't Nervous, I Said, It Feels Like I Got a Hot Knife Right in My Belly, And That's How I Feel, See, I Don't Shake, You Know, A Little Bit, But, Boy, It's Bad Inside, See, My Sponsor Told Me, He Said, A Guy Standing Up There Saying He Ain't Nervous, He'll Lie About Other Things, Too, You See, I Believe Him, But, Anyway, This Morning, I Thought, Gee, Where Did All That Fun Go That I Had and I Went Out in the Garage and I Looked to See If My Car Was There and, By Golly, It Was There and I Don't Remember How I Got There and I Walked Around and I Said, Man, I Ain't Never Going to Do That Again, I Don't Know What It Was I Did, But I Sure Wasn't Going to Do That and I Didn't Do That Again, See, and for me, never was a short time, it lasted two weeks, next time it happened, I couldn't get the door open on that car and I caved the fender in on the side of it, see, I took my, Carol was, I took her to work one time, we'd been to a party, had a girl said to her, boy, did you guys get in a wreck last night, she said, no, she said, look at the side of your car, brand new car, this was before we were married, was that before we were married, yeah, before we were married, see, I remember two dates in my life, I remember when I had my last drink and the day I got married and until I came to AA, I remembered when I got married, but you see, when I came to AA, when I had my last drink became the most important date in my life because I've heard a lot of old timers say, if you forget when you had your last drink, it wasn't and I want it to be, see, I don't want to forget, anyway, I went to pick her up and she said, boy, look at the side of the car, and I wondered why my knee hurt, well, here we went to a wedding that night and I couldn't get that doggone door open on that car and I guess I was trying to open it up from the outside because it was all caved in and who got to fix these things, you talk about insanity, first time I took Carol out, I said to myself, I'm going to marry her and I tried to control my drinking, we used to go dancing and she wondered why I got drunk, well, I knew the bartender because I went to that dance hall a lot and as soon as I'd walk up to the bar, he'd pour me a double, see, because I liked whiskey, I liked the taste of whiskey, but a little boy said, hey, George, you like whiskey, you're going to be an alcoholic and I didn't want to be no alcoholic, not me, we'd go dancing and she'd want to lead and we'd argue, see, boy, we'd argue, it's the same way, you know, you can't push an alcoholic, but you can lead them, see, just like a chain,
[00:50:00]
I'm like a chain, somebody can lead me all over this campus, see, but if you start shoving me just like that chain, them links all crunch up and man, it don't go nowhere, you get frustrated and irritable, see, so that's what happened, but she wanted to lead, see, and I figured it wasn't her place to lead, it was my place to lead and I started leading and I was leading us down a path to hell because, you see, I feel like I was like the engine of that train before and I was off the track and I was getting further and further off that track and each child or each person that I touched or involved, they became a little more of a wreck from my passing by them, see, they became a little more damaged, I hurt many, many people that I, I don't know, but I've tried to make amends to them since I came to you fine people.
Anyway, we got married and I was controlling my drinking and, like I say, we moved into this apartment and we got Georgie, you know, and I drank and I did the things I thought a man should do, see, I thought you had to do certain things to be a man, I hunted, I fished, I golfed, I bowled, I played handball, I used to lift weights, I'd run, see, and I drank. And I was the number one baby at home, see, I was the number one kid for five years, there was me and Carol, see, I thought the best friend I had was a dollar in my pocket, see, and I figured if you had money you could do anything.
If you drink with a shirt and a tie on, you ain't going to have no problems. So I quit drinking whiskey and I started drinking them Gibsons, you know, them little stem glasses with the onion, but Jesus, I went to a, we went, got some free tickets one night to go to a dinner for a judge. Ten o'clock at night I walk up to the bar, I said to the bartender, I said, hey, give me four of them Gibsons. He said, that's a before-dinner drink, sir. He called me sir. I said, that's all right, buddy, I like them, give me four of them. Talk about insanity, see, I didn't even know how to act, I tried to have class and I didn't know what it was, I wouldn't know what it was if it hit me in the butt.
Anyway, we were married five months and I got drafted, I went to the service and I come home and we moved in with my mother and father-in-law and we lived there one month, but I thought it was three because I thought they were watching how I drank. And we moved out into Hubbard and we got Georgie and he became the number one child and I became the number two kid in that family, see, he moved me out.
All these times when I'd come home, you know, I'd be, I'd have one of them sandwiches, see, I always brought a little gift home, one of them greasy sandwiches. My brother could tell if he saw me in some joint how long I'd been out running by the way the paper bag looked, see. Because I'd walk in with that sandwich and I'd sit it down in a bar and I'd tell the bartender, don't touch that, that's Carol's sandwich. He didn't know who Carol was from beans, you know. Come and see, I'd look at that bag and the juice and the grease that'd be running out of it, he'd say, you have a couple drinks, pick that bag up, off you'd go, you know, I'd get home, I'd wake her up, I'd say, hey hon, here's a sandwich for you.
See, I don't remember dates, but I've got flashes, like I remember things that happened. She'd say, you know what you can do with that sandwich. You see, I was dumb. I'd take it down and I'd sit it on the kitchen, on the doggone sink counter down there, you know. I wouldn't eat it and I wouldn't throw it away, but I'd be resentful. I'd go back upstairs, you know, I'd want to get a little hugging and kissing, you know, I wanted her to show me what a great guy I am. She'd pretend like she's sleeping.
Or if I shake her long enough, you know, hard enough, she'd wake up and she'd say, you stink. Well, nothing turns you off like that, see. Then I'd get resentful. That boy, that baby, Georgie, he was two rooms away from us, living in this apartment. He'd go, oh, just like the flash. She was right there, picking him up. And I resented this, see, I resented this little boy. He learned to walk when he was eight months old, and when he was nine months old, or eight and a half months old, he was running. God, this kid was running all over. And I resented that.
Well, we moved finally, because she said, we're not raising a family in an apartment. We got a house. We moved. We moved in and it got worse, see, because I didn't change. Then we got John. And right now, I'd like to ask John to stand up, because he's our son. Stand up, John. John was a little skinny kid. He's still kind of thin. Every time you pick him up, he'd throw up on you. See, being a drunk though, I didn't mind that. I didn't mind that. I'd clean that up. But it was the other end I told her, I ain't messing with that.
[00:55:03]
Now, being as smart as I was, this doctor that we had, this pediatrician, see, I got to watch them words I use, because I don't know too many of them. My vocabulary is about one in two cents, see, I stick to them low class. Baby doctor, how's that? He was a brilliant man. The guy, he was smart. He was a good doctor. And he was changing the formula and everything, you know, but John was still throwing up. And especially it would be every time we'd get ready to go somewhere, you know, he'd throw up all over you. Carol would have to clean him up, you know.
So I went with her one day. I said, I'm going to go tell that doctor. He's got to go in the hospital. So I went over and I talked to him. He said, there's nothing wrong with him. I said, put him in the hospital and x-ray him. I said, he's got something wrong with his stomach. He said, Mr. O'Neal, there's nothing wrong. Now, he ain't going to tell me, because I know everything, see. This is when I was drinking, I knew everything.
When I came to AA, I found out how dumb I am. Boy, I'm dumb, but I'm smart enough to know that this thing works. Anyway, they put him in the hospital. They pumped that white stuff in this end. I come out that end. They pump it in that end. Then they flush him out. Boy, they x-rayed him and flip-flopped him and turned him all the way around. He said, there's nothing wrong with him. I told Carol, I said, it's because you're too nervous with that boy. She said, I'm going to try to do better, see. He got running around walking, talking, you know. You pick him up and say, boy, John, I love you. You're trying to tell him, see. Can't show him, because I didn't know how, see. I didn't know how. I thought buying them things showed them. See, I didn't realize that these children were affected by me when I came home, because they didn't know if I was going to be happy. They didn't know if I was going to be grouchy. They didn't know how I was going to be.
Because like so many people I've heard leave, they said they were a Jekyll and Hyde. That's what my wife called me. I was still a binge drinker when I came to this fellowship and met you fine people. I still hadn't become an everyday drinker yet. I was either trying to sober up, get a drink, or get dried out, see. Or scheming for the next drink. And I used to build up these goodie points, you know, I'd be good. We'd go to the Dairy Queen, get a Dairy Queen, that old wreck, you know, that alcoholic wreck boy I drive, you know. I'd wash the seats off with Felton after Soap and Tide, you know, get it all cleaned up, you know. Try to fumigate the thing out, you know, because sometimes you get sick in the car and, boy, it stinks for a while.
So then we'd go to the Dairy Queen and they'd drop one little drop of ice cream. I ain't bringing you no more, you don't know how to act, see. You talk about insanity, see. Well, Carol had a bright idea. Everybody needs a little girl, see. Every family needs a little girl. Geez, I can't make ends meet now. Got this house, two kids and a wife. It seemed like things are closing in on me, you know. They're starting to pick on me at work.
See, I'm one of the very blessed people at the place that I work at. I can work every job in that plant because we had a superintendent at the time who liked me and he didn't want to fire me. So I'd get in a jam in one department, he'd move me to another one. I'd get in a jam on one job, he'd move me to another job. And if I lived this August, I'd have 26 years with the company, but I could work every job in that mill. See, and I thank God that he didn't fire me, see. But anyway, they're picking on me at work and the kids, you know, and they need shoes and clothes and all this stuff.
Geez, we'd get a little girl, you know, a little blue-eyed blonde. Boy, she's a cute little thing. A little ball-headed kid with a little pearl up there, you know. We had a big dog. A lady gave us a dog, a big dog. Carol would put that little girl in a playpen and go down the cellar. I'd walk over toward that thing. Boy, that dog would lay there and growl at me, you know. Carol would come up, walk over, pick her up, no problem. She'd hand him to me, hand the baby to me. I could walk around with her, the dog walk around, follow me. But if she put that baby in a playpen, I couldn't get near that thing. Finally, the dog got hit with a car. And I didn't feel too bad because it was wild. Boy, I was scared of it. See, I was scared of that dog.
But that dog knew that there was something wrong with me. See, that dog knew that I was goofy. And I thought I was nuts when I came to you fine people. I was glad to find that I had a disease called alcoholism and that it could be arrested. My sponsor got me active in this fellowship. He started out picking up ashtrays. Then I got promoted to the garbage. And I thought, boy, if I ever make a lead, I'm not going to take the garbage out because big wheels make leads. But you all know what little puppies do to big wheels. Anyway, I made a lead, and by golly, the garbage was out that night.
that night. My son, our son John, had his back hurt. I was sober 18 months and he had his back fractured, a picnic table turned over on him. And I called Freddy and I said, hey Fred, I can't make it to the meeting tonight. He said, what's the matter? I said, John got
[01:00:01]
his back hurt, we're taking him to the hospital. I said, I'll see you. And, okay. So we put him on a board, you see, and thank God that I was home and I was sober because I had had a first aid class and they said a back injury, tie him down. Man, we had, we had him tied down like a mummy. But you see, I was sober at this time. And I forgot to tell you what happened, how I come to AA. Well, I back up. Joey was making his first communion and things were just going from worse to worse to worse to worse. And I was full of hate and resentment and remorse and guilt and self-pity and all that garbage, you know, I was carrying around and I used to wonder why I stunk all the time, even after I'd take a shower, because it was that fumes from that garbage I was carrying in me coming out. And even after shave lotion, if you put it on you or you drank it, wouldn't hide it, see. And I went to work this day and things just went bad at work. Oh, they went terrible. And the guy said, you going to stop and have a drink? And I said, no, I'm going home because I got to go to church with my boy in the morning. A little while later, he stopped by and the job was going terrible. And I said, I said, yeah, I'm going to stop and have a couple because boy, after a night like tonight, I need a couple of drinks. Well, I never made it home. See, I ended up in a hospital, in emergency room. And like all alcoholics, I had them grandiose ideas. When I woke up and saw that bright light, they were operating on me to save my life. All I had was a broken nose, a bruised ego, and boy, I was a mess because I hit the windshield of this car with my face. By the grace of God, I wasn't killed.
And that's what I call my higher power. I call him God. If that offends anybody, think a good, orderly direction. And if that, you can't handle that, put another O in there that's good and try to be that way. See, I heard a guy say, I ain't, I don't try to be good. He said, I try to get well because I see people come to AA, they get good before they get well and they get drunk. And I don't want to get good. I just keep working on it, getting well. Anyway, my brother came and got me at the hospital and he took me home and this is when he told me. And I called Freddy and he said, how are you, George? And I said, not too good. And I went in and I talked to him. He told me a little bit about this and he, there's a few things that I remember that he said. He said, we just don't drink today. When he said we, I thought he's including me in something. I didn't even know what it was, but it felt good to be included. He said, when you have your last drink? I said, as far as I know, yesterday morning at 530, he said, didn't you have a drink today? I said, no, Fred, I'm never going to drink again. And he looked at me as them wise old AA's do them old timers and I love them because boy, they could see right through you. And he said, how many times did that work before? And I had to get honest with him. I said, it never did. He said, no, if it had worked before, you wouldn't be here. We talked for a little while longer. He said, you want to go to a meeting? I thought no, but I said yes. And he said, fine, I'll pick you up at 28. And he did. He was right there and he took me to the meeting and he showed me how to stay sober. He said, you pick up ashtrays.
I picked them up, set up tables and chairs. I did. He got me a half a cup of coffee that night because I was shaking so bad I couldn't hit the end of my cigarette with the Zippo lighter I got in my pocket. Man, that thing was jumping all over. I said I was quick, but you see that was uncontrolled quickness. Anyway, I kept going and doing those things that I was told to do. And that first night, he said, if you stay sober today before you go to bed, you kneel down and you say thanks for your sobriety. And that's what I did.
I kneeled down. I said, whoever kept Freddie Miller sober and Matt Matthews, thanks for keeping me sober. These were the two old timers in our group at the time. And that's what I did. The next morning I got up, I kneeled down and I asked him for help. Whoever kept them sober helped me to keep me sober today. And I asked him to keep me sober for nine months until I heard Matt leave. And he said, I don't ask God to keep me sober. I ask him to help me stay sober. He said, that way if I stay sober, I get a little bit of credit.
And if I get drunk, it ain't his fault. You see, so that's what I do. I listened to the old timers. See, my sponsor told me if a winner criticizes you, do something about it. He said, if somebody who's having problems criticize you, he says say a prayer for them. And that's what I do. Well, anyway, this night our son went to the hospital. It was election night, so I got elected secretary treasurer of the group. And I thought, geez, ain't it something.
Here I am, a guy who stole. A thief, a bum. And they're trusting me with the money. And I worried about that money. And I'd take the book and I'd show them, see. And they weren't even interested. See, they didn't even care what I was doing with it. They said, that's all right, you're taking care of it, it's okay. See. And I was glad when they elected somebody else, I'll tell you. It was a weight off my mind. Because I don't take care of the money at home. Carol does, see. I bring my check home, she signs it, goes to the bank, whatever she does with it, it's okay. And she did it when we were drinking. That way
[01:05:01]
I could five and ten dollars to death and blame it on her, see. Things have gotten better. We've got a little girl out, Cheryl Ann. I was sober two years before this little John, I heard him say the word love. We were sitting at home one night watching television. We were watching that Sanford and something. Drinking Royal Crown Cola and eating big bowls of popcorn, you know, and the four kids are sitting on the couch. I'm sitting in a tipped back chair, you know, and I'm sitting there and talking about the love of the heart.
I looked at him and he looked at me and he put his popcorn down in his pocket. He walked over to me, put his arms around me, he said, boy, dad, I love you. And I cried, see. Because this had taken a long time. I was finally showing him something that he could believe in. See, and I heard many times, show me, don't tell me. Show me, don't tell me. And this is what I've got to do, see. I have to show people. If I show them, I don't have to tell them. They can see for themselves. And I tell my wife I love her because she likes to hear it and she tells me she loves me. This young fellow sitting here, I grab ahold of him, he's getting pretty husky, you know. He's trying to lift weights and work out for football. But I grab ahold of him, I tell him, boy, George, I love you, see.
Because I do love my children today. I heard a man speak up at Punderson one morning. He said, I love everybody, but I despise some people's ways. And you see, that's true. Some people don't do the things that I do, but I still love them and I'd help them. And I'd go to hell and back with a guy who wants to stay sober. But I found out that I can't keep nobody sober. I can't even keep myself sober. I need the help of all my fine friends in AA. Little girl that my wife had, she's a beauty. She's a talker, boy. She says, I know I wouldn't like you if you was drinking. I says, Allison, I wouldn't be here if I was drinking. See, my kids don't pull no punches with me. This young fellow came home from basketball practice one night and I was kind of down, you know, running. I said, I don't think I'm going to a meeting tonight. He's eating like a machine, you know, how them young fellows eat. Boy, he looked up at me, he said, you want me to go get you a case of beer now or wait till tomorrow? He was 11 years old at the time. I said, you guys are smart Alex, I'm going to the meeting. See, they pick on me, but that's all right because I can laugh about it. See, I found out that I can't afford anger. Even at work, one day I got into a little argument with a guy and boy, he got mad and he called me everything. Boy, he called me, any name you can think of, he called me. I looked at him and I smiled. I said, you done? He said, yeah. I said, you didn't call me nothing original yet. Because when I get angry, I can't think. And when I can't think, I may take a drink and I got to keep first and foremost in my head that I am an alcoholic. See, I got to be constantly reminded, I got to use everything and everybody I can to stay sober, but I can't stay sober at anyone else's expense. I worked those 12 steps in order and I thank God they put numbers on them. When they wrote them up, I probably got mixed up. See, I try not to complicate nothing. It says one and I do one. And it says two and I did two. And some of them were tough, you see. And I woke up at 4.30 one morning and I took that fourth step and I wrote it down. And I was getting a lot on that paper. When I got up, I had 17 sheets and I was thinking, jeez, where do I get the good part at? You know, I got to have something good. What I came to this fellowship with in You Fine People was I didn't want to be the way I was when I drank. You see what happened. Here's a drunk. Stand up in front of all you fine, lovely people by the grace of God and this fine fellowship.
I want to thank everybody who's here for coming. I want to thank you all for my sobriety. Good luck and God bless you.