Audio
Transcript
Source: Bish M – Lake Boud Retreat – Reel 0805-105A (1962) – 1962-09-15.mp3 File: bish-m-lake-boud-retreat-reel-0805-105a-1962-1962-09-15.mp3 Duration: 00:52:19
============================================================
Now we'll have a short coffee break before this concludes the first half of the morning program. And then we'll come back for the second half, and we have Macon, who will introduce the speaker. I do so at the dining room. At this time, I would like to recognize the people who have come an awful long way to attend this retreat. First, there is Mr. and Mrs. Dick S. of Los Angeles, California. Stand up, Dick, and thank you.
George and Ginny R. from Colorado Springs, Colorado. Where are you? They're over here. Also, I have Jack B. of Roanoke, Virginia. Where are you, Jack? Well, that's fine. We appreciate you people coming this long distance to attend this with us. I know you will enjoy it. We will enjoy having you. Well, it's my time to size up the next speaker. That's a good word here in Texas. I don't know where it is someplace else or not. You've got to size him up, you know.
There's two or three different ways of doing this. I can say that he's five feet five, two axe handles across the extremities. Well, that wouldn't be a very good measurement, though, would it? But he is short, heavy, and a pretty good-looking fellow. But that isn't the main thing about him, I don't think. I don't think we should measure him by his height or his breadth. But if you've been out very much in AA circles around these United States, I'm sure you have heard the name of Bish M..
It's been my pleasure to have been with him in several other places. The thing that has always impressed me, wherever he goes, is that he's not as hyped as I have said. He's not a man of great stature. And I've always thought of men being big when I saw the capacity they had for loving people. And he must have a wonderful capacity to love people, because so many people love him. He's a man of many talents, schoolteacher, taxman, and what have you, but I don't think that matters at the moment.
I think what matters here and matters every day is that one day he put his hand to the plow back there, and he's one of those people that we admire very much because he never looked back. He kept going, and all the time he kept giving away, and all the time he kept taking more. I wonder sometimes how he contains it all. But from coast to coast, and then back the other way, from the Antarctic back to the Earth, South American countries he's known, his name is known, and he's blessed because he loves people.
My pleasure, my great pleasure, to give you now my good friend Bish. Thank you. Thank you, Mason. And good morning, friends. You know, my heart is awfully full right now. My knees are weak. My throat's dry, and my eyes are moist because I'm grateful. Yes, I'm awfully grateful, deep down grateful
[00:05:04]
for the privilege of being here with you this morning. There's only one thing that would make it better. I only wish that Ruth could have been with me. She is with her aged and ill parents today and couldn't be here because most of you know that we go together. We love this fellowship, and we love you because you are this fellowship. And I only wish that I could just half measure up to that swell introduction.
You heard Clarence just ahead of me tell you what a great strength he had and the fine sponsor which he was privileged to have, Dr. Bob. And all of you know that common phrase of his, which said, keep this thing simple. And with this powerful program you have lined up here, for the things you've had and are to have yet, for the great messages that I know that you have in store ahead. They had no business in the world in putting me here other than to prove another point of this great man.
That was to let me represent the simple angle of AA. I'm just a drunk. And even though most of my life has been spent in education, I want to talk to you this morning in drunk language. And I want each of you to know how grateful I am, not only for the fellowship itself and what those of you who are in it have meant to me, but I want you non-alcoholics, you members of Al-Anon, you ministers, you doctors, you friends of ours, who are not a part of this fellowship, but who have been so great a strength to us, to know how grateful I am to you too for the help which you've given not only to me, but to thousands and thousands of other recovering alcoholics.
We couldn't be where we are today were it not for our non-alcoholic friends. And I'm grateful to them. And I want them to know it. I not only was an alcoholic, but I was a heavy user of drugs. I had a dual problem. I was an awfully sick boy. One of the sickest, I suppose, that this fellowship has. Actually, when AA found me, I was lying literally in a grave. They had not yet closed the casket, and neither had they shoved the dirt in on me.
But I actually was there.
[00:10:03]
And I like to think that two of you, those of you who've gone on ahead of me, those of you who kept this thing alive and nourished it in order that I might have it, and those who thought enough then to carry it instead of sitting back and waiting for me to come because I couldn't have gone. Two men came to see me and literally reached down and lifted me out of that grave and stood me up and held me up and gave me another chance to live.
And ever since July 6, 1947, when that happened, you've been holding me up and giving to me generously and guiding me toward a better and a finer way of life. And I want you to know that this morning I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm the richest man alive. Yes, I wouldn't sell what I have for this room full of gold. Because I think that you and I have something that gold can't buy. We found something.
We found a set of values. We found a love and an understanding. And we found, I think, above that, the thing that we searched for so many years but were unable to find. And I'm not going to tell you my story. I don't have time, neither is it the place for it. But I do want to give you one little glimpse into what happened to one sick guy. Alcoholics are strange creatures. Most of us find ourselves in positions in life far beyond our ability to perform.
Most of us have been handed many good things that we didn't deserve and didn't earn and couldn't handle properly. And I like to think that maybe that's what happened to me because very early in my life I found myself as one of the directing heads of what was then the largest specialized educational institution in the world. And here I had lives entrusted to my care and my guidance. And I've stood in assembly on many occasions and talked to people about what they should do in order to achieve and succeed and lead.
When I knew that down deep within me I was different from the way I was talking, I was a phony, if you please. And nothing hurts an alcoholic more than try to live or to be something that he isn't. And in 1941, I reached a point after having become a hospital commuter for some 15, 18 years, not finding a solution anywhere, after having been helping support a… After having the help and support of many from every source,
[00:15:02]
to where my time had run out and my days were limited, and two fine doctors who had on so many occasions not only shielded and protected me because I had had several fine little educational institutions at that time, they had protected me so well, and on many occasions had come out and blocked off a part of my home and put three nurses there and knocked me out to keep my brain from snapping tightly.
These men were my friends. They had gone far beyond their duty to help me. And they said, oh boy, your time is up. You're through. You have less than six months to live under all and the best odds. You can do what you please, but please know that that's true. And Ruth, and our little daughter Patty, and I hope Patty gets here tomorrow, she plans on driving in if possible, we got in the car and headed south.
And I don't know why, but we ended up down on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, possibly because we had gone there for our honeymoon, had taken a cruise out of that area, and maybe we were trying to recapture some of those pleasant early moments. Knowing my time was up, I became dry, and I didn't touch a drop of liquor for nine months. But folks, I was not sober. There's an awful lot of difference in being dry and sober.
I was dry but certainly not sober. I was a martyr to the cause. I hated and resented everybody who could drink. Nobody looked good to me at all. And finally, after nine months, Ruth says, I'd rather see you drinking than to see you suffering like you are. And that's all she had to say. You know what happened. And that was in 42, or the latter part of 41. I had to go ahead until July 6, 47, before you found me.
Again, tussling with this battle, living I don't know how. But finally, I had begged my family to leave me many years. I had nothing to offer them. I was unhappy. I didn't have the courage to take myself away from here, or else I would have. But finally, they left after school was out and went up to Ruth's mother and dad's in Arkansas. And they spent some 30 days up there. In the meantime, I came to East Texas, where I had a school, to check that institution.
And I ran into a man there that formerly drank with me. He had lost his wife. He had lost his practice. His whole life was run down, depleted, void. The last time I saw him, he looked terrible. But on this occasion, he hollered at me. And I turned around and looked at him. And I went over and shook hands with him. And I says, Doc, what on earth has happened to you? He says, Bish, have you ever heard of Alcoholics Anonymous?
I've been a member now for some three years, and I'm the happiest person alive. The first time in my life that I'd ever heard of AA. And here I'd been seeking a way, looking for an answer, thought I knew what was going on in the world, and yet had my mind completely closed off to the one thing that could help me. I go back to Monroe, and I check another institution, and I head for the coast. And I go on this last bender that I hope can be the last of all time.
I drank for about two weeks, and then I went to drugs.
[00:20:04]
And I was in a horrible shape. And just before Ruth and Patty came back, a couple from Biloxi came over to look in on me and saw me in this terrible shape. They knew that back in that hotel, there was a man from Louisville, Kentucky, who was an AA. They didn't know his name. They thought he could help. They knew I had to have help. They were non-alcoholic friends, and that's why I'm so grateful to the non-alcoholic friends.
But they wanted to help me. They looked this man up. And in Gulfport, then, we had a little group of about seven members. And they called me. Seven members. And they called this group. And two of these boys lived in Bay St. Louis. And I lived in Pass Christian, and that was near them. And these two boys were asked to come to see me. In the meantime, my wife and my daughter comes in. After 30 days, they look at me unconscious, lying on that bed.
Ruth rushes to the phone and calls a little new doctor in that area. And I'll thank God always for him, because he was young, and he knew something about this problem. And he came to see me. And he says, Mrs. M., if AA can't help this, nothing else in the world can. And he left, after doing what he could. Ruth was disturbed and worried. She'd always been able to shield and protect me. Then about that time, there's a knock on the door, and these two men from AA show up.
She wasn't going to let them in. She told them that I was ill and couldn't see anyone. They picked her up and set her aside, and she was a little bitty worried, wrinkled face, swiveled up gal that didn't weigh over 80 pounds, wringing wet. And they walked on in. And she sat down on those steps and started crying, because she thought she'd given up and lost the only thing on earth that she'd had, the protection of me at a time like that.
And those two men came in. And that's when they reached down, my friends, and lifted me out of that grave. But they stuck out a hand and then looked down at me. And they told me something through those eyes and through those expressions that I had never had spoken to me before. They extended to me an understanding, a communication system, if you please, that no one else in the world had ever conveyed to me.
They said, Oh, boy, we know how you feel. We know you're sick and disturbed. But if you want to get well, you can, because we have. And I felt something. You know, I felt the same thing that we feel right now. No people on earth have the communication system that a bunch of drunks do. We don't even have to talk to each other. We can stand and look at each other. And we radiate a genuine interest, a love, an understanding.
What do we do? Bill said it out at the anniversary. I'd been searching all of these years that I'd been in AA for the right word to express my feeling for what we have. And he made it simple. He says we have a feeling. We have a feeling. We have a feeling. That's what we have. And he made it simple. He says we have a language of the heart. And I love it. That's what we have. A language of the heart.
A love, a genuine love. A communication system. We've known each other all of our lives. We may not have met. And you have no idea what it means to stand up here this morning and to look out into your eyes and faces. It's the most wonderful sea of faces you've ever seen. I wish all of you could have the privilege and to be enriched as I am being enriched this morning
[00:25:04]
by looking into your faces and seeing and feeling what I see and feel. Yes, we are rich people. And I'm glad that since that day, July 6th, that it hasn't been necessary for me to take a drink or any type of pill stronger than an aspirin tablet. And yet I might tell you this, that five years ago, I had a pinched nerve and a bunch of spurs in my neck that paralyzed my left arm completely and caused me to suffer like I've never suffered before.
It was like someone throwing a dagger onto this left shoulder blade. And I finally ended up with, without a doubt, some of the greatest men in medicine. Surrounded by more men than I've ever had look at me before in my life. And that verdict was, traction, old boy, the rest of your life. And when you get out of permanent traction, you'll wear color in order to endure. But I couldn't believe it. I couldn't accept it.
They wanted to give me sedation in order to help relieve that pain. I couldn't take that because I knew I would destroy everything you had given me. So I walked the floor and I cried like a baby for 90 days. Working myself into complete exhaustion and falling across the bed to get any sleep at all. Rather than to take the thing that I knew would destroy this beautiful thing that had been given to me.
Yes, it wasn't easy. But it certainly has been worthwhile. And you know they told me that this arm which had wasted away a great deal might never be of use to me again, but it is. And I'm not in permanent traction. I can't do a lot of automobile driving anymore. I've had to sacrifice some of those things. But folks, listen. I've been given other things. My life has been enriched in these last five years.
There's so many fine things that fall in front of me, like being here this morning. I've been blessed in so many ways. And I've been blessed too by a family. A wife and a daughter. And our daughter Patty was 13 when we came in. And she was a terribly sick little girl. And just before AA let me tell you what happened. Because many of you I think sometimes may take the wrong impression. Or you may do maybe the wrong thing to help that sick family too.
I think that our illness is a family illness. I think that as the alcoholic becomes ill, the other members of the family become ill too in a little different way. But certainly they're ill. And this little daughter who was about 12 then, because this was some several months before I had the privilege of finding AA, wake me up one night just crying her little heart out in her bed. And I got up and went in to find out what was wrong.
And I says, Patty, what's wrong, dear? And she says, nothing, Daddy. And I says, there has to be something wrong. You couldn't cry like this and your heart couldn't bleed like it is unless there was something radically wrong. And she says, no, Daddy, there's nothing wrong. Nothing that you can do anything about. She never told me. But I found out later from my mother what the trouble was. Some of her little friends and family, they were all sick.
And they were all sick. And I was sick. And I was sick. And I was sick.
[00:30:01]
And I was sick. And I was sick. And I was sick. And I was sick. And I was sick. Was she a sick girl? Was that little wife who had gone down to 80 pounds and whose face was wrinkled, did she have a problem? Were we sick all over? Yes, two terribly neurotic individuals with a terribly neurotic alcoholic. And what happened? We came in together, and thank God that many of the groups out of a lot of opposition back in those days maintained open meetings and let the whole family come.
And we started going together, and we started talking AA, and doing our best to live AA, searching for magazines and newspaper articles and getting everything we could that might be of help. And then that was before Al-Anon, and Ruth started with others just searching for a help for the non-alcoholic. And they called it the Auxiliary and the NAA and various other names back in those days. And they organized that, and Pat went too, and we started taking conventions and reaching there.
But then a number of years later, Patty says, I'm not getting all I need from AA and Al-Anon. And we'd had the privilege of meeting and knowing Bill and Lois pretty well. And they had blessed us by coming to our home, and Patty loved them so much. And she wrote them and asked them, would there be anything wrong if I got together a bunch of youngsters in order that we might discuss our problem too? And that happened over here in East Texas along with some Shreveport folks, and they gathered together just as a bunch of youngsters to discuss their problem.
Not as Alateen then, but I like to think maybe it was something that led to that which followed, and which is so beautiful now, and which became the third facet, in my opinion, of our fine program. We now have AA for the alcoholic, Al-Anon for the Al-Anon member, and Alateen for the youngster. I like to describe it as AA for Papa Bear, Al-Anon for Mama Bear, and now Alateen for Little Baby Bear. A chance for the whole family to get well together and enjoy a degree of happiness that we've never known before.
And that's what the M. family's done. It has been a glorious thing. We've been on the merry-go-round now for years. We make these meetings everywhere. We love you. We wouldn't take anything in the world for the fine, rich, beautiful life that you've given us. I want you to know that this room that these men found me in was dirty and filthy. I'd been there for 30 days. It had drinks spilled everywhere, broken bottles, cigarette butts.
It smelled to the heaven like a hog pen. That was a dirty room. Listen, those two men could have come in that room and taken out every drop of alcohol in that room, and it would have been devoid of alcohol, but it still would have been a smelly, dirty room. I like to think of my life like that room. I not only was filled with alcohol and sedation, but I was dirty. And I could have taken alcohol out of my life and gone on living in the same old pattern, and I still would have been a dirty individual.
I think that it's necessary that when we come in here and devoid ourselves of alcohol and drugs, that we begin to start to clean up the room that we've been living in. I think that's so necessary. I know that I was a terribly sick and mixed-up boy.
[00:35:08]
I had been raised in a Christian home. As a boy, I had a very definite conception of God. But the God I knew never was what I wanted him to be. I didn't ever seem to get what other people got. There seemed to be some maze or distance or space that I couldn't bridge. I think maybe I'd heard of God all my life, but I doubt if I'd ever actually met him. A lot of alcoholics find it awfully difficult to conform to certain things.
And I was one of those individuals. And I drifted away. And when I came into AA, I'd reached a point to where I think I believe I was as near agnostic as a person could get. And it was hard for me to say the word God without cringing, because I had let God down. I had forfeited my right to him. I had bargained with him. I had asked him to get me out of this jam and that jam, and it had never happened again.
But it did. And I was away from, apart from that which I wanted. And I was spiritually ill, terribly so. And it was hard for me to come back in this department. And it was hard for me to be able to even properly attempt those steps. And I had to begin to associate the word good in God. And I knew that as I went out and tried to do something good without being found out, that I came back with a little warm feeling down deep within me.
And I liked it. And I liked to think maybe that's what God wanted me to do. My climb back was hard. And I can't and don't pray beautiful prayers today. But do you know I met God through AA? I think I'd heard of him all my life, but had never met him until I came here. And I have learned so much from my friend Tom L. about finding God in simple places. And I suppose that forty or fifty times a day I'm able to say thank you, God, for little things.
But they're so real. Things that you might not even consider coming from God, but I do. Just as a simple illustration, I started out of the house the other morning. My car is locked outside, roofs away. I carry on my car key a house key. I almost slammed that door too. And I didn't have my keys. But just before I did, something told me, don't close this door. Otherwise I would have had to walk several blocks or go disturb some neighbors to get to a phone to call my office.
Or call one of our men and have him go to the office, unlock the safe, bring me a key to the house. So that I could unlock my car. But I like to think that God didn't let me get in that trouble because I had tried as best I could to do what I thought was right that day. And I said thank you, God, before that door reopened.
[00:40:02]
Another little simple thing. Just a short time ago, a few months ago, back in the winter, my office was stacked with appointments. I needed to be there. It was raining, raining hard. There was a man that I needed to see who had just come into this fellowship in Guffport. I'm ten miles from Guffport. I need to get on to that office. But I want to go to see this man. But it's pouring down rain. And I know that I'm going to have to park six or seven blocks away at least and walk in that rain in order to be able to see that man.
And I said the thing for me to do is to go on to the office and see him later. Something says, no boy, don't do that. Go on to see this man. That's where you need to be. And I went. But instead of having to park six or seven blocks away and drive in the rain, you know what happened? Just as I approached this man's place of business, right in front, a car backs out. And it's pouring down rain. And I drive in.
And before I leave that car, I say, thank you, God. Yes, you heard Clarence relate some miracles here this morning. You're going to hear some more related before you leave here. They may be miracles, but to me they are blessings handed to us by God. And the fact that I am privileged this morning to stand here as a part of this program with so many outstanding individuals who have so much to give, who far exceed my capacity to give, and you have allowed me to come and be a part of you, is a blessing that I can always say thank you, God, for.
I have so little to give. Nothing at all of my own. Because, you see, everything I have has come from you. I was nothing. And what I am today is a part of you and you and you and you all over this country. Because I have stolen a little from everybody I've known and made that a part of me. So what I have is yours. And the only thing on earth that I can do is to open up my heart and let you walk in and take what you want, because it belongs to you anyway.
Yes, I'm an awfully rich person this morning. God's been good to me in so many ways. And you know, a few years ago, we started a little thing down in our office. And I want to tell you about this, because you may want to go back and do something like it some of these times. We have a building down there that houses several of our little operations. Among them is a building material business and a construction business and a loan concern.
And I have my office there. Every morning at seven o'clock, the personnel, the key personnel of these organizations gather. And you know we get started. We call it that. We have several Catholics, a number of the Protestants, denominations represented. But we all come together at seven o'clock every morning and stop and bow our heads in a silent moment of meditation to start that day. And do you know that there's not a man in that organization or a woman who would want to start the day without doing it.
One morning we got terribly busy and we didn't do it. It was postponed a little from that seven o'clock.
[00:45:21]
for the People, Who Knows It, Who Walks In, Some of Our Old Colored Gentleman Down In That Area, Who Wanted To Come In and Bow Their Heads and Enjoy. It's Surprising, When We Begin To Try, What Can Happen. Even People Around Us Who Are Hungry and Thirsty For The Thing That Has Been Given To You and To Me. How Fortunate We Are That Our Illness Reflected Itself Through Alcoholism. Think Of The People Who Are Just As Ill As We Are, But Whose Illness Did Not Show Up In The Same Way. And Many Of Those People Today Lie Beneath Six Foot Of Sod, Are Locked Up In Some State Institution, Because They Did Not Find The Escape That We Found, And Did Not Have The Opportunity To Become A Part Of The Fellowship, The Medicine That Enabled Us To Get Well. Yes, We Are Rich People Indeed. I Talk Too Long, But I'm So Filled With This Fellowship, This Program, It Means So Much To Me, It Means So Much To Us, And I Want To Personally Extend To Each Of You That If You Are Ever Traveling Down In That Section, We Are Only Sixty-Five Miles Out Of New Orleans On That Beautiful Mississippi Gulf Coast. We Live There In Paschristian. Our Home Is Devoted Entirely To A.A. This Home Was Built About Six Years Ago, And Ruth And I Designed It. It's Not Fabulous, But It's Comfortable, And It's Nice. The Setting Is Good, It's Conducive To A Lot Of Good A.A. And The First Room We Designed Was Our A.A.
Room. The Rest Of The House Is Insignificant. It Was Builded Around This One Room. That Door Is Always Open To Any Of You, Any Time Of The Day And Night That You Pass Through. And I Believe You Will Find The Atmosphere Such That You At Least Feel That You Have Been With Someone Who Knows You And Knows Your Property. I Hope That God Will Be As Good To All Of You As He's Been To Me, To Us. And I Hope That As You Continue On Down Your Road, And That As Time Draws Near Each Evening, And The Nightfall Begins To Approach, And Darkness Begins To Show Itself, And Bedtime Arrives, That You Will Be Able To Undress Your Soul And Go To Bed With It. Because I Think When We Reach The Point To Where We Can Begin To Do That, I Believe We Will Have Started Acquiring That One Thing That You And I Want More Than Anything Else On Earth. Peace And Happiness And A
[00:50:02]
Contented Way Of Living. And I Like To Think Now That When I Was A Little Boy About Six, I Asked God To Make Me A Good Little Boy. You Know That's All I Am Now. A Little Boy Asking God To Help Me. Someday I Like To Think He's Going To Say That It's Time To Come Home. Maybe He'll Rattle His Keys. And I Hope He'll Say The Job's Been Well Done. And I'd Like It Awful Lot If He'd Say, This Is My Son Of Whom I'm Well Pleased. And I Believe I'll Feel All Right.
We Are Now On Meeting At Two O'Clock. Be Sure And Inquire Just Where And Try To Attend. If You Will Stand, We Will Close This Meeting In The Customary Manner By Repeating Together The Lord's Prayer. Our Father Who Art In Heaven, Hallowed Be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done, On Earth As It Is In Heaven. Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread. Forgive Us Our Trespasses, As We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us. And Lead Us Not Into Temptation, But Deliver Us From Evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen.