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Source: Alice S – Speaker Talk – Date Unknown.mp3 File: alice-s-speaker-talk-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:11:27
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Our next speaker this morning is Alice S. from Wheaton. Alice. Thank you. But I'm from the LaGrange group, the Thursday evening group. And my name is Alice S. and I am an alcoholic. And I talked to a gal yesterday and she has been, has talked at the conference before and she was giving me some comforting words about remembering that I had lots of friends here and this would sort of calm me down. And I know this, but I'm still nervous.
And I was asked to talk here on acceptance this morning and the only way that I know to do this is to relate it to my own experiences. And before coming to AA, I couldn't accept much of anything. I couldn't accept criticism, constructive or otherwise. I couldn't accept responsibility. I couldn't make any decisions for myself. I had to lean on other people. And I was constantly frustrated and full of anxiety.
And it just seemed like people would never perform the way I wanted them to. So there were a chain of events that happened that led me up to the point where I had to do something about accepting some of these things. And first of all, I became an alcoholic. And I finally got to the AA program. And when I got here, I couldn't get stopped drinking. And I can remember, I came into AA back in Pennsylvania and some of the men talked to me, some of the old timers.
And when I looked at some of them, I thought, well, I knew they were alcoholics. I knew they were alcoholics. And they said to me, well, any drunk can stay sober for 24 hours. And I was ashamed to admit that I couldn't because I was a lady. And so it took me some time to get stopped even. So I got to the point where I could admit I was an alcoholic. I didn't want to be an alcoholic in the beginning.
And like I said, I got to the point where I could admit. But there's a big difference in admitting and accepting the fact that you are an alcoholic. So I was around this program for over a year. And I was having trouble. I could stay dry for periods. And then things got too tough. Everything built up, the resentments and anger and everything. And I didn't know what else to do about it, so I drank to get rid of them.
And so they told me that if I was an alcoholic and I continued to drink, it would get worse and it wouldn't get better. So I proved this to be true. And this last drunk that I was on, I began to hurt pretty badly. And I began to realize that I would have to do something about these steps. And I remember one night when I was at a meeting between these drunks and I was complaining about how people bugged me.
And a man was within hearing distance and he talked to me and he said, do you mind if I interrupt this conversation? He said, I've heard you four times in your conversation saying that people bugged you. And he said, do you know that if you go to Africa and you don't even speak the language, you're going to run into people that bug you. And he said, we have the tools here in AA to take care of these problems.
And they're in the 12 steps in the serenity prayer, so you better get with them. So I went home and I called my sponsor and I said, my God, I've got it. You know what this man said to me? And she said, well, I've been telling you this all the time. So I think, well, I had this thought in mind and like I said, this last drunk became so horrible that I knew I was going to have to go to work. And I don't like work, but I can't stand pain.
So I thought I was just going to have to do something about this. So this was when I began to think about accepting the 12 steps in my life. And I discovered through this period of a year, whatever it was, that I couldn't stay sober.
[00:05:06]
That sobriety was just about as painful as drinking to me. And that I was going to have to do something about changing myself if I was going to stay sober. So I thought about what this man said about the serenity prayer and the 12 steps. And I began to go to work on these. So I did. This was the point where I accepted the first step, the fact that I was an alcoholic. Then I went on to the second step, and then I got a grasp of the third step, which was the turning point.
And then I took a look at this fourth step, and this was where the real work began. But people kept telling me that, you know, do it to the best of your ability. And so I did this. I looked into my character defects, and I got them out in the open. And I went and I talked to another person about them and to God. And I just, I can't explain how this made me feel better. I didn't see any light splash or hear any bells ring or anything like that.
It took a period of time until I began to feel a change had taken place in me. And I believe that this fourth and fifth step has really done a great deal of good for me. And I'm glad I took this advice from people in that case. And so I went on with the rest of the steps. And I had a thing happen to me that I think acceptance played a good part in. Last January, I have a sister who came in the program a number of years ago, and she got sober.
And then sometime later she had an operation, and through this she got on drugs. And she became addicted to drugs. And she had admitted this to me about a year ago, but she knew she was hooked on them. And somehow, nothing seemed to get through to her. But I had a phone call from her around Christmas time. And I noticed that her tongue was sick and everything, and I got real mad, so I wrote her a letter.
And she called me on the phone, and she said that, I want to do something about this. What do you suggest? So I asked her to come to Chicago. And I really think at the time that I didn't really believe that she would come. But she came in about two days. And so as soon as I found out she was coming, I got really mad. And as soon as I found out she was coming, I got all full of fear and frustration.
So I began talking to people in the AA program about what I should do. Because I had heard that people close to you are the last ones that you can help. And not that I felt that I was going to have anything to do with whether she got sober or not. But anyway, I talked to someone in the program who has been a good example to me. And he said that I would have to, he suggested that I detach myself from her emotionally and just look at her as another alcoholic and not as a sister.
So I tried to do this. And of course I asked for help from my higher power. And it worked. And she was the one person up to this point that I really was able to detach myself from. And as a result of this, she is free from drugs today. She's on her way out here to visit me again. She'll be here on Tuesday. And I take no credit for this of course. She got some wonderful help here in the Chicago area.
And she had a higher power working for her. And she was ready for the program at the time. So I will be forever grateful for the help that we both got here. And I always did say that the people out here in Chicago have AA with depth. So in this thing with my sister, I tried to look at it as when I asked for help from my higher power,
[00:10:13]
I wanted to leave the results up to God and accept whatever happened. Whether she got better or not, I didn't want it to throw me if she didn't. And I'm grateful that it went the right way. But I was ready to accept if she hadn't gotten better. So I'm now working the steps to the best of my ability with the acceptance, getting to know myself, and the restitution steps. And prayer and meditation in the 11th step makes it possible for me to handle any reverses that may come up in my life.
And I know that I'll never be given anything that I can't handle one day at a time if I ask for the help of my higher power. And I'm real grateful for this opportunity to be here talking to you at this conference. Thank you. Thank you. Now I got the cost. Must be catching. Thank you, Alice, very much.