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Source: Vannoy S – Al-Anon Big Book Study – Part 1 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: vannoy-s-al-anon-big-book-study-part-1-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:19:58
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Hi everybody, my name is Lenore Shaw and I'm a member of Al-Anon. Hi y'all. Let me tell you the reason for the chair before I do anything. I have two bad knees and a bad back due to a car wreck several years ago, so I knew that there's no way I could stand for any length of time, so this is why the chair is here and I want to thank Leslie for bringing it. I'd like to thank the committee. When Steve approached me several months ago about this, he said, you go out of town all the time to do this, we would appreciate it if you do it through your own home group.
He also pointed out that he was talking to a newcomer one night and he said, well you need to probably visit with Vinoy about that, she has experience, and the newcomer said, oh, does Vinoy come to the Thursday night meeting? Well, I'll tell you, I was busted. So he said, I want you to feel like you're out of town so you'll do a good job. So he rented me a room. I have a room down at the Marina Hotel. I look at all the ships coming in and out, it's just absolutely marvelous. He said, I want you to get up at 4.30 and pack and sit in the closet for four and a half hours and I'll come pick you up.
And the committee took me to dinner last night. He and Pat took me over to Beverly Hills to a French Chez Helene or something. It was raining and I left there, I was so happy. I was in a motel room looking over the bay, it was raining and I had just had chocolate. I was happy. I get to stay in the room again tonight. So thank you Steve, that was real thoughtful. Little housekeeping rules, we will take a break. It's early a.m. I'm sure some of you had coffee. If you feel like you're going to mess up the chair, just mess up the chair. We will have a break.
There's going to be a lot of people coming in and out because this is Saturday and there's a lot of commitments and several people have called and told me they'd be in at 10, 11, 12, 1. So if you could, don't let that disturbance bother you. It's just a unique time. You can't sit all day long and not get tired. So some of you have back problems, feel free to get up and move around. This is not like a meeting meeting, but I'll kill you if you make too much disturbance, you know that.
I came in this program February the 7th of 1969 and shortly thereafter, our group representative went to our assembly, which is what was the West Texas Assembly held in Abilene, Texas. And when she came back, she made a report and one of the things that they reported was that there is now a thing called conference-approved literature and that we are supposed to stay within that boundary for anything that we brought into the meetings to study.
She also said that the big book wasn't on the list. Well, we just thought, ha, ha, ha. I mean, so, it didn't make any sense. Well, then the next year the group representative went to the assembly in Abilene, Texas and she came back and said that the Al-Anon-approved conference literature was doing well. They forgot to add the big book on the list and we just said, oh, the next year and the next year and ever since then there's been a controversy about Al-Anon's and the big book and that's been 29 years ago and it's still a controversy.
Several years ago, and I don't remember exactly how long it was, on the Inside Al-Anon, it's our little newsletter. If you don't get Inside Al-Anon, please subscribe to it. Call the WSO or the group rep, our group rep isn't here this morning, Robin, for Thursday night, our group rep for Monday night Sunday. Give me a piece of paper, I need a list. If you ever see any of our group reps at any function of the groups, it would be nice if you said to them, we would like to have Inside Al-Anon. They give you the address and or you can call the World Service Office and get that address. It's very important to keep up with what's going on.
And in that newsletter, they decided to take a worldwide inventory about Al-Anon studying the big book in an Al-Anon meeting. And the results came back in and they put it out about three or four months later.
[00:05:07]
It was a long write-up and they did mention that there came a list of some 200 names from a city in Texas called Lubbock. Duh. And the results were this, there was slightly more, and this is how they put it, I think they're kind of like Bill Wilson, there was slightly more voted for using the big book than those who did against. However, they said, the World Service Office still contends it's best to stick with our literature that's approved. And I mean, you just, I thought, well, at least we got the slightly more.
So ever since then, to make us legal, we vote to study and to use the big book in reference to the 12 Steps of A.A. in our groups. I've started many groups through the years and the first time we start a group or we start a conference, whatever we do, is let's take a group conscious real quick. And we do, and of course the people that I know, old timers especially, of course we vote for that because that's where our program came from. I'd like to track that for you this morning so you realize it's just not me up here spouting, that we have literature that confirms that.
You know, we are affected by the disease of alcoholism. If you don't know what the disease is, you cannot find recovery, it's my opinion. And of course everything I say up here today is my opinion and all of you know that my opinion is right, of course. It's an age old disease that affected, that has affected people since before the start of time. And there came a solution, the only solution that's ever truly worked in all time since time's evolved.
The only solution that has worked in a good way, better than any other solution, has been Alcoholics Anonymous for the alcoholic and Al-Anon family groups for the family. Now, I read this several years ago and it just blew me away and I try to read it all the time. This is not going to work, Steve. I'm going to have to figure out something because I can't talk and use my books. I'll probably scoot it back a little ways.
Now, this is the Bible. I hope it doesn't turn you off. It's just really a history thing. I've got to have it totally. Put it right there like that. Okay. This is a history thing, so if you will. Just do that. It proves how long we have fought this and the depth, I believe. This is in Proverbs of the 23rd chapter. I'm going to sound like a preacher here. And it's a father talking to his son and telling him some things that he thinks the son ought to know. I believe it's probably an untreated Al-Anon father talking to the son.
But listen to what this says. And I'm not sure when the Bible was written, but it was like ought, ought, ought to or something. I don't know. I mean, it's a long time ago. My son, how I will rejoice if you become a man of common sense. Yes, my heart will be thrilled to your thoughtful, wise words. Don't envy evil men, but continue to reverence God at all times, for surely you will have a wonderful future ahead of you. There is hope for you yet.
Now what does that sound like? Potential. A+. Oh, my son, be wise and stay in God's path. Don't carouse with drunkards and gluttons. I don't like the word glutton in there. I try to go over that real fast. For drunkards and gluttons, they're on their way to poverty. And remember, too much sleep clothes a man with rags. So evidently this kid's lazy and hungover and hangs in bed all day. Listen to your father's advice and don't despise an old mother's experience.
Get the facts at any price. Hold on tightly to all the good sense you can get. The father of a godly man has cause for joy. What pleasure a wise man is. So give your parents joy. Oh, my son, trust my advice. Don't you know it's right? Stay away from prostitutes, for a prostitute is a deep and narrow grave. Like a robber, she waits for her victims as one after another become unfaithful to their wives. Now is this an Al-Kihalit? Okay, listen to this. This is what I set this whole thing up. This is the saddest thing I've read in the Bible, I think.
[00:10:06]
Whose heart is filled with anguish and sorrow? Who is always fighting and quarreling? Who is the man with bloodshot eyes and many wounds? It is one who spends long hours in the tavern, trying out new mixtures. Don't let the sparkle and the smooth taste of strong wine deceive you, for in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent. It stings like an adder. You will see hallucinations and have delirium tremors, and you will say foolish, silly things that will embarrass you no end when sober.
You will stagger like a sailor, tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast, and afterwards you will say, now listen to this, I didn't even know it when they beat me up. Let's go and have another drink. Now if that doesn't describe alcoholism and an untreated Al-Anon father, it could have been the mother saying the same thing. You should be nice to your dad. I said those same words to my alcoholic children.
So since the start of time, we need a solution. So when the solution comes, there are those who say don't study the solution. This is Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age. If you don't have that, please, please get it. It is one of the most incredible history books of where we come from. I am convinced, like, I love to teach. I was a teacher for a while, and I love to teach nursing. And we went back to see how nursing started, and what a miracle it is how nursing has come to where it is today.
So when I started studying this A.A. Literature, it's the same thing. If we don't know where we come from, I don't think we cherish what we have today. If we don't know what happened, how many people were hurt and harmed, then it's, we can treat this thing very lightly. I have a passion for this program like nothing else in my life. That passion sometimes spills over to meanness, almost, in trying to give it away. Because I know the miracles that are here. I know the life-saving ability that we have for each other.
I know the love that comes out of this thing. And it's so important to me, I just can't believe, I just can't believe that other people who are against studying the big book don't understand this. It's really sad to me. Last weekend I was at a seminar who had the executive director of Al-Anon at it and doing some questions and answer things and does not believe in studying the big book. His father died drunk, does not have a concept of the disease of alcoholism, in my opinion, and does not go to open A.A. meetings.
If you're affected by this disease, if you don't go where the recovery is and the solution to it, it amazes me how you can ever get better. And there are those who don't believe in open A.A. meetings and I'm not, please understand, I'm not knocking that. If it works for them, great. It does not work for me and it won't work for y'all. I know all you sickos. So what we're dealing with is a disease. We need to know how the disease, the prognosis of the disease, where it comes from, the etiology, et cetera. We need to know all this stuff so that we can have a grasp of what's going on with us.
So it's incredible to me that you cannot or you're not supposed to pick up this book that has all the information. My first person in my life to get cancer was my father. Let me tell you, I had every medical book there was on cancer, studying it, see what it was going to do to him, what the progress was going to be. Last year, my stepdad got cancer. I went back to those books because he had different cancer. I went back to that book and I studied everything there was to study. Last year, my husband got cancer. I studied everything there was to study on his kind of cancer. I went to libraries. I sat for hours. Now, I'm a nurse. I know all this stuff. But I was so hungry for the information.
Information to stop the cancer, don't you know, that I went to libraries, I sat there for hours, while somebody was sitting with my husband, in fact, I'm so glad to see Bernadette here today, her husband came over and did a study with my husband quite a bit, and it was still very touching to me, and while these people were coming over there, I was going, I was studying, I was looking, I was talking to people, I'd call people that were doctors, I'd talk to them, now I'm, I can't
[00:15:27]
tell you how, stressed as I am, I'm a nurse, and I know all this stuff, but it was affecting me, in a very emotional, personal way, I had to go dig it out, mother died, a few months ago, oh it's coming up on a year, I can't believe it, mother died, she was dying of emphysema, from smoking, and heart failure, from smoking, I went to the library and got everything I could, on emphysema, and on smoking, and lung disease, and what can we do to make her more comfortable, what can we do, how can I, how can I help, what can I do, so does it, I mean, to me, that is the most sensible thing people do, it's okay to do that, if there's cancer, Sandy has diabetes, she's studying everything she can on diabetes, she's looking at it, she's asking people questions, she goes to her doctor, she asks, she reads, I'm quite sure, she's a teacher, you better read, if you don't read, I mean, this is, she's got diabetes, it's new, it's something in her life, she wants all the information she can get on it, now you come into these rooms, and we have a disease of alcoholism, don't go study the book, does that make any sense, it just doesn't make any sense, 1955, this is when this book, Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age was written, and they had a convention, a world-wide convention celebrating 20 years of AA recovery, and this was in St. Louis, and in this convention, they had tapes, and somebody transcribed all the tapes and put it into this book, so this is a book of what happened day by day, hour by hour, speaker by speaker.
I want to read a few things out of here to you because they're extremely important about tracking our history. Many events in the days preceding, whoops, let me go back over here. 1955, Alcoholics Anonymous held a convention in St. Louis commemorating the 20th anniversary of its founding. 5,000 AA members and their families and their friends were seated in this large auditorium. Many events in the days preceding had led up to this very moment. The total effect was that 5,000 people got a vision of AA such as they had never known before.
They were exposed to the main outlines of AA history. With some of the Ulsters, they relived the exciting experience that led to the creation of the 12 Steps of Recovery and the book Alcoholics Anonymous. They heard how the AA traditions were beaten out on the anvils of group experience. Some of us don't know that these traditions were hammered out on some of these people dying, some alcoholics coming and doing different things and trying to get it all away.
How many of you have ever been to an Al-Anon area assembly or area group or delegate? Is it the most exciting thing you've ever been to? I mean there's probably like here 50, 75 people in one room trying to everybody explain their way because their way is right and they all get a chance at the microphone. Al-Anons who all know best get at that microphone trying to fix, fix Al-Anon. I heard to believe it's true, a lot of people come into Al-Anon, they discover real quick that they cannot control their husband's drinking.
So they go right into service. They volunteer for GR, they volunteer to be the chairman of this, they'll volunteer to talk to this because they can control this. That's the sickos that we get. During the convention, many just plain AA meetings were held. At those meetings and in the corridors and the coffee shops and the hotel rooms, we were continually and greatly thoughtful of our friends and of that province as it pointed them to do so.
Our thoughts often went out to those who were not there, those who had passed on, those who were ill and those who just couldn't get there. A lot of us of course talked about our co-founder Dr. Bob and his wife Ann. A handful of us could recall those first days in 35 in Akron when a spark that was to become AA's first group was struck.
[00:20:02]
Some of us could retell tales that had been told in Dr. Bob's living room in that house on Ardmore Avenue. And we could remember Ann as she sat in the corner by the fireplace reading the Bible. The warning of James that faith without works is dead. Indeed, we had with us at this convention young Bob and his sister Sue, children of, who had seen the beginnings of AA's first group. Sue's husband Ernie, AA number four, was there too and so was Bill D, number three.
Bob and his sister Sue. AA started in Akron and literally started in Dr. Bob's living room. One of my favorite meetings is when we sit in living rooms and have a meeting. Everybody sits on the floor and the couches and around. We have gratitude meeting every Thanksgiving. We used to have gratitude meeting every Thanksgiving at my house. And it was my favorite meeting because it was like when AA first started.
I just, I love it. It is, there's something about a spark that happens there. So they were having AA meetings at Dr. Bob's house in Akron, Ohio. Bob Smith, many of y'all have heard him. He talks around a lot. And he said that these drugs were coming in and out and in and out and in and out. The neighbors started complaining. The church, which was, you know, the neighborhood, was really complaining.
The pastor came to see Dr. Bob, I mean his son and said, The pastor came to see Dr. Bob, I mean his son and said, to Dr. Bob and Ann, they didn't want them coming back to church. Because they had those drugs in their house. The children at school made fun of him and his sister. And they were literally snubbed by the whole community because they were trying to have alcoholics. Now do you see how far we've come today?
And what a blessing these people were in our lives. They just kept on, kept on, kept on. I don't know if a church and a pastor rejected me how I feel. I don't know if I would keep helping or not. I don't know. Especially back then. So we are very blessed that people stronger than you and I got this thing started. Stronger with God's help of course. And they made the coffee and they had the lights and the spiritual chairs were set up when we got here.
Is that incredible? I hope I never forget that. And some of the stories unfold at this convention. We saw Dr. Bob entering the doors of St. Thomas Hospital. The first religious hospital to receive prospective members of AA for treatment on a regular basis. Here they developed a great partnership between Dr. Bob and the incomparable Sister Ignatia. Who was a nun who helped AA in the beginning. You'll see why here.
Her name brings to mind the classic story about the first drunk she and Dr. Bob treated. Sister Ignatia was the night supervisor and wasn't very keen about alcoholics. Especially the DT variety. And Dr. Bob had arrived with a request for a private room for his first customer. Sister Ignatia said to him, Doctor we do not have any beds much less private rooms. But I will do what I can. I can just see Dr. Bob.
He was tall and lanky in Vermont. And Bill Wilson was absolutely the biggest con artist that ever lived as far as I'm concerned. And they had this drunk. Now listen to this little tiny, teeny tiny miracle. You see little teeny tiny miracles? Listen to this. And then into the hospital's flower room she slyly boot laid AA's first jittering candidate for admission. Now you've got to picture this. It's in the middle of the night.
Here's this nun. And here's this really bad stinking slobbering, peeing all over himself, puke all over him. You know, no bath. Shaving, no long hair. Can you see this? And she's sneaking him through the flower shop in the middle of the night to slip him into a bed. Is that incredible? A nun. Now if she got caught by the high guys, whoever they were, I wonder what would have happened? She snuck him in.
AA's first jittering candidate for admission was admitted by a non-alcoholic. For this uncertain start of a hospitalization, in our pioneering time we watched the growing procession of alcoholic sufferers as they passed through the door of this hospital and out into the world again. Dr. Bob took leave of us in 1950. Over 5,000 had thus been treated in this little hospital by he and Sister Ignatia. Let me tell you folks, this is incredible stuff.
[00:25:00]
And so the ministry of Dr. Bob, his wife Ann, Sister Ignatia, and Akron's early timers set in the practice of AA's 12 steps that will remain for all time. Now I'll talk about some of our Al-Anon history at this same convention. Right up front among the biggest eye-openers of the convention were Al-Anon family group meetings, which bore the titles, Meet the Staff, The Children of Alcoholics, Adjustment Between Husband and Wives, The 12 Steps.
In St. Louis, many a skeptical AA had his first look at this movement within a movement and learned with astonishment that the family groups had jumped from 70 to 700 in only three years. So that means there's a lot more sickos in our fellowship than there are in the other fellowship, or we're such controllers, we go to where they're controlling alcoholism and the drunks are still out having a good time.
Now many of you know I have sometimes, from time to time, some strong opinions on things. Several years ago, probably 15, about 15 years ago, there was a new thing that sprung up in Al-Anon. It was called Adult Children of Alcoholics. I just threw a fit, I mean I threw a fit. I was in Oklahoma at the time and they wanted to start a meeting at our clubhouse. I stood literally in the door frame telling this young lady, you can't meet him here.
This was pure Al-Anon. I saw it tooth and nail. Just, you know, I was up on my sofa. Several years later I got this book out to do a big book study and I almost dropped my teeth. It says right up front was the biggest eye-openers in the convention were the Al-Anon family groups. This is 1955. Which bore the titles of Meet the Staff, the Children of Alcoholics. I wanted to get white out. I did not want anybody to see that I'd made such a fool of myself.
That since 55 there was the discussion of Children of Alcoholics. I hate to admit I'm wrong, but when I'm wrong, I'm wrong in such a blazing glory. And right now there's brand new ones popping up. And right now there's brand new ones popping up all over the world every day. Lawyers and speakers from many areas tell the family groups had a worldwide clearinghouse. Much like AA. And that they were beginning a magazine and even maybe a new book.
Now a new book, they had up to this point been studying the big book. So in 1955 they considered doing a book. And it was like, what, three, four years after Al-Anon had literally come into being officially. Many AA's had wondered what these family groups were all about. Were they gossip clubs? Commiseration societies? Were they coffee and cake auxiliaries? Did they divert AA from its single purpose of sobriety?
The family groups meeting provided the answers. These new groups were not also, what it means, second rands to AA. Nor were they gossip factories. The families of alcoholics, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers and children were pointing AA's principles right straight at themselves and nobody else. The family group speakers asked and asked plenty of questions like these. Weren't we just as powerless over alcohol as the alcoholics themselves?
Sure we were. And when we found that out, weren't we often filled with just as much bitterness and self-pity as the alcoholic? Had I ever been? Yes, that was sometimes a fact. After the first tremendous relief and happiness which resulted when AA came along, hadn't we often slipped back into secret and deep hurt that AA had done the job we hadn't? For many of us, this was certainly so. Not realizing that alcoholism is an illness, hadn't we taken sides with the kids against the drinking member?
How many of you told your children? Oh, I sure did. He's a jerk. He doesn't love you, I do. Oh, man. Yes, we had often done that to their damage. No wonder then that when sobriety came, the emotional benders in our homes often went on, right on, and sometimes got worse. When an alcoholic comes to AA, there is immediate change in him. I mean, the first meeting night, there is immediate change in an alcoholic.
He is sober. Twenty-five hours later, he's sober. His actions change. And we're still sitting in our chair. And we're still sittin' in our chair, in the bin, on our throne of contempt.
[00:30:00]
It takes us a long time to unwind this stuff. Yeah, some of us come in with our alcoholic, and there's a pink cloud because he is sober and things go pretty good, and then you get down to the grind of recovery, and sometimes recovery can be a grind. And then look at our smiling, cheery faces. As AA's listened, the family group speakers continued. Could we find an answer for all this at first? We thought no.
The AA meeting sometimes helped us, but not enough. We got a better understanding of the alcoholic's problem, but not enough of our own condition. We thought of AA's Twelve Steps were wonderful for alcoholics, but didn't think we had to take them too seriously. After all, we had been doing our best. There was nothing much wrong with us, so we reasoned and we complained when things get to go badly at home.
It's their fault. Or, often, if things went well and we turned complacent, or maybe rather jealous of all the time our partners spent that we thought they had to spend in AA. But, when the family groups were formed, these notions and attitudes began to change, and the change was mainly in us. The transformation really set down in us when we began to practice AA's Twelve Steps in our daily living, in our affairs, in the company of those who were able to understand our problems, as our alcoholic partners could not.
In the family groups, we see men and women, even those with active alcoholics on their hands, shake off their misery and begin to live serenely without blame or recrimination. We had seen with a partner whose mate was sober in AA, but still hard to live with, completely alter his or her thinking. Finally, we have seen badly bent children straighten out and begin to respect and love their parents once more.
We have seen many kinds of pride and fear and domination, nagging and maddening possessiveness just melted away by the Twelve Steps as we practiced them in the home. Like AA partners, we family groupers are now getting the tremendous dividends which comes from the practice of Twelve Steps carrying the message. And the message of our family group is this. You can have more than alcoholic sobriety in your own family.
You can have emotional sobriety too. Even if the rest of the family about you has yet found stability, you can still have yours. And your emotional sobriety can often hasten the happy day of change from them. Many an AA member who saw the family groups in action in St. Louis and said afterwards, this is the best thing that has happened since AA began. They saw the importance of us getting well. Because us stayed off their back.
Does anybody know where you get those little plastic covers for these books? I just hate to throw my little paper things away. If you know where you can get them, would you let me know? Okay. I always read this book because I think this page, because it doesn't have nothing to do with a big book study, but I think it's great. This is Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism, the first edition. I understand that you cannot order this anymore because it's out of print.
One of the things last weekend that I was asked about at this seminar with our executive director of Al-Anon was things like this, which is a cherished book as far as I'm concerned. It has so much history, has so much of how Al-Anon was put together. And you can't buy it anymore. They changed it all and they made a second edition. And now they discontinued the second edition. If you want one, you better buy it because then they're going to quit it.
They've updated and they don't think that it's updated like we need it. So I went to the podium and I asked him something about our literature being changed. He had used this analogy. He had said, they're discontinuing and changing literature because. He said, I hate to talk about outside issues, but I'm going to talk about this. And he said, for instance, the Bible. If you go into a bookstore today, the first edition of the Bible was the King James Version and that's known all over the world.
Well, he said it's been updated because of the language. And you go into the bookstore and there's 30, 40 different types of Bibles written in all different kinds of language. So when I got up, I thanked him for the analogy because I thought it was great. I said, if you will notice when you said, if you go into that bookstore, that there is the King James Version and 30 or 40 versions of the King James.
[00:35:01]
In Almar, we don't have that privilege. You've destroyed the King James Version. So we have nothing to go back and look at to compare with the other 30, 40 books. Also, if you go to church on Sunday or if you watch the TV's on Sunday, every preacher who goes to scripture goes to the King James Version and reads out of it. They do that for conformity. So that all churches and unity, all churches and Almar doesn't have that privilege.
So I think it's very important that we know and that our, and this again is my opinion, it gets diluted when you have so much literature in which so much stuff is changed and changed and changed. I think the one thing that makes me feel stable and good about the disease of alcoholism and its treatment is the book has not changed since 1935 or 40. It has not changed. It's still the same book. The first 164 pages have not been screwed with.
They've not messed with it. They hadn't changed it. They have changed some of the stories in the back. But they have not changed the basic text. And this is our basic text. It's no longer even available. You can't even get it. So remember that when you come up through Al-Anon and you have some things to say, some of you new people will surely be the leaders of tomorrow and our fellowship. And I'm like Clancy.
I'm sure glad I won't be dead. Now look what's said in this wonderful book that they totally discontinued. A wife may punish her husband repeatedly in innumerable ways. It has been said that some of the meanest women in the world are married to alcoholics. Maybe that's why they discontinued this book. Okay. This book tells about our history. It's just wonderful. I'm going to read a couple of things out of here.
It says Al-Anon member began when Lois was helping Bill and talking to Bill. 1941 there were many groups trying to find out what they were doing. 1951 there was this clearinghouse was established at Bill's insistence. Telling Lois y'all to get somewhere for these people could ride in because he'd been out across the country visiting the groups that had sprung up. That's the family's AAs watched the miracle of recovery and their mates and they yearned for something similar change in themselves.
Do you hear this? They were watching their AAs get well changed. Their insides were having peace and serenity. And the families were watching this and they yearned. Their hearts yearned not to hurt inside. Not to be the meanest women in the world. Not to hurt their children anymore. Do you hear this word? They yearned for it. They want to change in themselves. So they began to practice the 12 steps to the benefit of alcoholic.
It was great. So they want to benefit for them and their children. So they did that. So they started riding in. Bill took a tour around the country. His wife Lois and another Anne, not Dr. Bob's Anne, but another Anne in New York had been trying to listen to what AAs were saying and doing. Everything we've gotten has been out of AA. We need to remember that. Everything. Lois went to Bill Wilson constantly.
How do you do this? How do you do that? And he shared it. In fact, he promoted a lot of it. Two things happened almost simultaneously. This was in 1951. AA general service headquarters had compiled a list of 87 names, inquiries from various wives group and from non-alcoholic individuals seeking help from AA for understanding of the alcoholics. They were riding in. We don't understand. Help us. Help us.
How can we do this? To the AA's clearing house, as it was called at the time. About that time, Lois's husband Bill, a co-founder of AA, returned from a swing around the country during which he had attended some of these wives groups. Do you hear this? Bill Wilson went around the country and attended some wives groups. Was not called Al-Anon at that point, but he attended some Al-Anon meetings. This is a co-founder of AA.
[00:40:01]
A few of those were straight auxiliaries of AA, which meant chiefly to serve coffee and cake at the meetings and to put up curtains in AA club rooms or to talk about their husband. This was referred to many years ago. Hadn't heard it very much lately, but it was referred to as those cookie baking bitches. Others, however, meant more or less informally for the sole purpose of applying AA's principles to themselves.
I want you to keep hearing the word principles. It's a key word that we're going to talk about. What are the principles of AA? What are the principles? Everybody has a different principle. Some failed miserably. A little test I gave them about the principles, but they're… They wanted the principles of AA for mutual assistance in their common problem of living with an alcoholic. Bill had been most impressed with these groups and the goals they had already attained.
But he felt strongly that there must be some central place, some clearing house, where help could be obtained to foster their growth or groups might spring up and die. Bill was greatly excited about this new offspring of AA. He has never failed to say Al-Anon is just about the greatest thing that has happened since AA began. He has said many times publicly and privately that since there was at least one to five persons affected by an alcoholic, he could imagine the day when Al-Anon would be larger than AA itself.
Now they say, the statistics are, ten people are affected by one alcoholic. Bill was indeed farsighted in his prophecy. It is interesting to look back now and realize at the end of AA's first four years, there were fewer than a half a dozen AA groups and perhaps a hundred members. Now listen to this. The first four years, there was perhaps fewer than a half a dozen. How many is fewer than a half a dozen?
Five, four, three, two, one. I mean, this is so incredible how Bill slimed his way into some of this stuff. Al-Anon's first four years showed a growth from the nucleus of the forty-seven groups arrived from the original eighty-seven letters that had come in to AA. They got forty-seven people to respond to them. Okay. The first four years showed Al-Anon to go over six hundred groups. The first four years in AA, half a dozen or less.
The first four years in Al-Anon, six hundred or more. Now that's incredible. It isn't possible to tell how many members were in each group, period. But probably to say that they averaged at least ten. So six thousand people. And the big book says of around a hundred. Remember when he said there's a hundred men and women? Well, they say there wasn't a hundred men and women. There's seventy-six, but Bill said it was almost a hundred.
Okay. Sometime during the first year of the clearinghouse, Lois proposed that we adopt some traditions based on those of AA. She was a pioneer, always in suggesting policy. Since she had been so intimately associated with AA through all of its existence, this was natural. She took from AA. We had never been backward in helping ourselves to anything of AA's that we needed. And since AA operated on the principle that one kept only what one gave away, we were always welcome.
In fact, one of the happiest, proudest days was the one when AA's General Service Conference passed a resolution commending the Al-Anon family groups. Now this was back in the fifties. In 1990, and I want you to hear this, AA loved us and sent a letter to the clearinghouse, to one of our big conferences over there, commending us for our work and loving us and how excited they were that there was a movement within a movement in the fifties.
1990, forty years later, at the Seattle International Convention, Al-Anon read a letter saying, Forty years later. I was there and was like, what was that? AA was going, hmm. I mean, that was what every AA in the auditorium said, hmm. Like, a little late, I think. Okay. Okay, those of you who brought your big books, we'll start this after a break. Let's take a 15 minute break and get your coffee and get your books and whatever you want to do.
[00:45:13]
Okay, here we go. I have asked Bernadette to take about 10 minutes. Bernadette's husband, Bill, remember the film Bill W.? My name is Bill W.? Yeah, somebody couldn't find it because it had my name is Bill W. on there. Those people that I sponsor, when we go and do a weekend up in the mountains studying the big book and our heritage, I usually take the film and at some point during the weekend we watch that. It was one of the most informative, wonderful things. If you haven't seen it, you can go to any video store and rent it and it's My Name is Bill W.
Bill wrote, I don't know if he produced it, but he wrote it and his wife, Bill B., is the producer of that movie. He's a Yankee, but we kind of look over that. He is also a 36 year member, sober, in AA. I just have always loved him and loved being around him and hearing his stories. His wife, Bernadette, is here and she's an old timer. 36 years is a pretty good old timer. She was in New York in some of the early beginnings. I asked her if she'd take about 10 minutes to share with us some of her experience about those first few years. I think she has a passion for Al-Anon like I do, so you may hear a little bit of that come out. Would you come, Bernadette, and talk for a minute?
Hi, my name is Bernadette. I'm a very, very grateful member of Al-Anon. I am so happy to be here. I am so happy to be here. I spent time with Vinoy and Jim in the desert and didn't know where she was. My husband bumped into her in the post office the other day. There are no coincidences. Being here this morning, I know I was meant to see and be with her again to hear these things and meet all of you. It's wonderful.
When Bill first came in the program, well, not when he first came in. He came in, did whatever he had to do, went out again. But when he came back again the second time in 1962, he would go to meetings. We had a number of children at that time and I couldn't get out too much. Not every night, but many times, especially on weekends, we couldn't get out. Some guys would come back with their wives sometimes. They would go to open meetings. It was so important to get to open meetings, open A.A. meetings. They would talk. They would be talking about the slogans and the steps and how they got sober. It was like a miracle. It was like nothing I ever heard before in my life. I mean, I had always gone to church, but this was something higher than that.
We knew Lois personally, too. She always felt that this was her and Bill's ministry, that someday the whole world would practice the 12 steps. It seems like it's happening. It seems like it's happening. But it's so important that we do stay with the basics. I mean, when she talks about having a passion about the Conference of Food Literature or the beginnings of Al-Anon, I have all these books, too, and nobody reads them. Nobody knows what they are. They're coming out with all this cockamamie, psycho, whatever this stuff is. I don't know, you know. I mean, I don't want to hear that. I want to hear the basics of Al-Anon.
At our group here, I get involved in the group right away. When I come to a place, I find a church, because I do attend my church, a meeting, my Al-Anon meetings, and a library. Well, an apartment, so I'm going to live first. But it was in the beginning that, from hearing this excitement from all these men who were really down and out drunk, there were no fancy places to go at that time. Now, this is 1962, so it's a long time after it started. It was almost going to 30 years.
But at that time, in New York, the New York area, there were only two places that I knew where they brought drunks, to Kings County Hospital or out to Freeport Hospital in Long Island. There were very few places. And they made 12-step calls. A guy would call a guy and say, hey, we've got to go help somebody. And that's how it happened. It was so simple. Dr. Bob always said to Bill, keep it simple, keep it simple. And all this cockamamie stuff isn't simple. The big book, I love the big book. I mean, I devoured the big book. I mean, I needed to hear that. I needed to know that this was a disease and that this man, who was my hero, and took me, my ideals and dreams.
[00:50:24]
I've just recently thought about that. But this disease takes it and tears it right out of your soul. And it was only for this program. And Sam, we're going to keep it. We're going to keep that program that we got from AA. I mean, we owe our lives to these two men, these two God-touched men that met that day and shook hands and talked about the disease of alcoholism, helping each other. And that's what we're here for, to help each other and to keep Al-Anon pure.
There's a prayer going around. That's what I went to this group that I got involved in. There's prayers going around. And so when I come to a meeting and there's something not conference approved, unlike you, I jump in there and say, hey, this is not conference approved. And a couple of people got upset and I said, I'm not asking you to change anything. I'm just asking you to have a meeting, a group conscience meeting, an informed group conscience meeting.
And that's what these books are all about. Not use the big book of AA? That's outrageous. That's where we got our life back from. And these men in the beginning, so many of them that helped build the society are gone now. But so many of them never made it. Never made it. We're so lucky. These rooms should be, there should be 500 people here today. You know, it's just every one alcoholic, although I do find some in California, it's very she-she to belong to any 12-step group, you know.
Have I gone on too long here? But anyway, so we're going to have a group meeting about this prayer that they're reading that is not conference approved. And some people say, well, why not? Why can't we read it? And I said, well, all right. Well, next week I'm going to bring my favorite prayer. And next week, maybe somebody else will bring their favorite prayer. So then why don't we all say all these other prayers?
When I come to Al-Anon, I want to hear Al-Anon. I don't mind hearing the big book. I love the big book. The promises, you know, the promises. I want to hear those promises over and over again. Most people don't read the beginning where it says, if you are painstaking in this, in this, what of your, in your undertaking, you will come and get these promises. People don't read that in the beginning. They think you're supposed to come in, come to a couple of meetings, you know, hang out a little bit, you know, listen, read, read a couple of books and, and you're going to get it. I'm in 36, almost 36 years and I love Al-Anon. I love it. You know, I must admit, I said to Bill one day, oh my God, that's all I've been doing since I'm 27, Al-Anon, you know.
And, but I, and self-pity, you know, I can take self-pity, you know, you wrap it around yourself, so warm, you know. And, but I know, I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for Al-Anon. I have no idea. And I do try to talk to people every day in Al-Anon. I love it. But I realized also, and this I got from Lois, you know, she says Al-Anon is there to let you learn to go out and meet the world. That's how you touch other people. You're never going to do it if you just go into Al-Anon meetings and you make that your only thing, you know. You got to do, like Bill, my Bill was told AA has to come first, but you have to have second, third, and fourth things. And it's been important. I have a large family. But no matter where we go, we find our meetings. You know, this is our lifeblood.
And I think it's a gift that we're given. And that we're here. The ones that are here, what a gift to give them. Thank you so much. Thank you, Bernadette. A lot of history there with her and her husband. So, thank you.
[00:55:00]
Okay, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I write things down. This is the big book, by the way. It's the first 164 pages of the big book. Also, the AA's 12 and 12. And they're combined in this book. Jim gave it to me for Al-Anon birthday. And I just absolutely love it. And unfortunately, some of the pages are slipping out. So, I don't know if I'm going to have to have it rebound or what. But I love this because it's got everything I need to study the steps right there. It's right there at my fingertips and it's really great.
And it's been my mainstay forever and ever. And I have all these notes in here that I pick up from time to time and put in here. And I just… Classic statement is, Al-Anon says, if I drink, I'm out of control. The Alcoholic says, if I don't drink, I'm not in control. Classic statements between the difference of us. Definition of commitment. Doing what you said you would do long after the mood you set in it is gone.
If you take somebody else's inventory, you have to make their amends. If you spot it, you got it. I think I'll white out that one, too. There's a thing in here that I think describes most Al-Anons that I know. It's the frog story. It's how Al-Anons stay in alcoholism because I was asked by many of my friends, why do you stay there? Why do you stay with him? Get out! Why do you let him treat you that way? Why don't you get a divorce? Why don't you do that and do that and do that?
And my classic statement always was, I am. I am going to leave him as soon as. As soon as I get the bills paid off, as soon as I get some money, as soon as the kids get out of school, as soon as I get the car paid off, as soon as I have done, as soon as, as soon as. Not knowing that that was part of my disease. It was just not knowing it. And I think we get that way because of the frog story. And the frog story is, if you have a big, huge, boiling pot of water on the stove, and if you drop a frog in it, he will immediately get out.
Because it's very hot, it's very painful, and he's got some idea, this might kill me. Now this is true about a frog. It was an experiment that they did, I guess. But you put that same frog in a pot, a huge pot of water, cold water. If you put it on the stove and gradually, very gradually, turn up the heat until it's boiling, it will stay in that water until it dies. Now that describes alanonism better than anything I know.
Let's look at what makes an alcoholic an alcoholic. Doctor's opinion. In the big book, it's XXIII. I think that's 23 in those funny numbers. I'm really going to skip around due to the time, obviously. The doctor's opinion. We of Alcoholics and Honest believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing testimony must surely come from the medical men who have had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health.
Now I'm assuming they're talking about physical health, mental health, and spiritual health with that statement. A well-known doctor, a chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcohol and drug addiction gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter. It's by Dr. William Silkworth. If you read AA History, which I invite that you all get all the books and read them, as I've said earlier, Dr. Silkworth was one of our very best friends and helped AA in the beginning along with a preacher.
To whom it may concern, I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. In the late 1934, I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless. In the course of his third treatment, he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. Is Concerning a Possible Means of Recovery, As Part of His Rehabilitation, He Commenced to Present His Conceptions to Other Alcoholics, Impressing Upon Them that They Must Do Likewise with Still Others, This Has Become the Basis of a Rapid Growing Fellowship of These Men
[01:00:05]
and Their Families, I Want You to Notice How Many Times in This Book Families Are Mentioned, Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over, This is Back in 1934, This Man and One Other Hundred Others Have Appeared to Have Recovered, I Personally Know Scores of Cases Who Were of the Type With Whom Other Methods Had Failed Completely, These Facts Appear to be of Extreme Medical Importance, Because There Are Extraordinary Possibilities of Rapid Growth Inherent to This Group, They Remark, A New Epic in the Annals of Alcoholism, These Men May Well Have a Remedy for Thousands of Such Situations, Now Look at This Line, I Read About Commitments Just a Second Ago, I Want You to Look at This Line and I Want You to Memorize This Line, I Want You to Underline It, Scratch It, Star It, Do Whatever You Have to Do, Because This Applies to Us, Listen to What It Says, You May Rely Absolutely on Anything They Say About Themselves, Now Those of Us Who Are in the Recovery, This Should Be Our Banner, You Can Rely Upon Anything I Say About Myself, If I Tell You I've Worked a Step, I Should Have Worked It, If I Tell You I'm a Member of Al-Anon, That Means I'm a Member of Al-Anon, I Go Regular Meetings, If I Tell You I Will Pick You Up at 730, I Am There at 730, If I Say I Will Take a Commitment at My Home Group and Be There at 7 O'Clock to Set Up the Chairs, I'll Be There at 7 O'Clock, You Don't Have to Worry About It, You Can Absolutely Rely on Anything I Say About Myself, That's My Goal, That's My Purpose, And It Should Be Yours, It's a Principle of the Fellowship, Let Me Tell You About, I Mentioned Tests While Ago, That They Failed, I Took Some People That I Sponsored Up the Mountains, A Couple of Them In Here Have the Worst Failures of the Bunch, Some of the Hot Shots, Yeah, That's Right, They Failed, This Is What I Told Them to Do in This Fashion, I Said Sometime Today I Want You to Write Out the 12 Steps and Under Each Step Put the Principle and the Opposite of the Principle as It Is in Your Life Today, That's What I Told Them, Will Someone Come Back, I Said I Told You Once, I'm Not Going to Tell You Again, Go Do What I Said, So That Night I Had Them Turn Them In and I Grated Them, There Was Some Tremendous Failures, Some of Them Did Not Write the Step Out, As I Said, And The Whole, The Reason I Didn't Tell Them, It Was a Communication Little Test, Did You Hear What I Said, Did You Follow What I Said to Do, Our School Teacher Back There Was One of the Biggest Failures, She Didn't Do Nothing, This Is What Your Children Are Going to Come Up Like, The A Plus Was a Guest from San Jose, California, Where They Don't Do the Program Right at All, She Was the One That Did It, Some of Them Wrote Just the Principle and Some of Them Wrote Three or Four or Five Principles, You Know, They Just Took Little Paragraphs, It Was Very Interesting, So If You Get Together, You Might Try That Little Test, I Hope You Do Better Than The People I Sponsor, Lord Help Us All.
The Physician, Now Bill, This Is What Dr. Silkworth Wrote, Now Bill Is Such a, I Just Love Bill, I Love Him, He Is The Alcoholic of My Type, I Want That Type, He Is Such an Entrepreneur, He Looks At This and Says Hmm, Now Listen, He Goes Back Here, The Physician Who At Our Request Gave Us This Letter, Who Has Been Kind Enough To Large Bone His Views In Another Statement, Which Follows, Now That Statement Didn't Quite Work For Bill, So I Think He May Have A Little Alamo In Him, So He Went Back To Him and Said Hey, Would You Kind of Write A Little More, So There Is A Second Letter, But Look What Bill Says Here, Please Enlarge His Views Upon Another Statement, Which Follows, In This Statement He Confirms That We Who Have Suffered Alcoholic Torture Must Believe That The Body Of An Alcoholic Is Quite As Abnormal As His Mind, Now Listen To This Sentence, Al-Anon's, I Know There Is So Many Of You Who Are New Today, And I Am Delighted, This Is What I Came As For You New People, These Old Timers I Don't Care About Them, You New People, Listen, Suffered Alcoholic Torture, There Is A Torture, A Mental, And A Physical, And A Spiritual Torture Comes Along With The Disease Of Alcoholism That We As Al-Anon's Will Never Understand, That's Why There Is Closed Meetings Of AA, That's Why There Are Open AA Meetings That We Are
[01:05:00]
Invited To, So We Can Get This Concept In, Alcoholism Is A Disease, I Took It So Personally, I Thought If He Loved Me He Wouldn't Do That, If He Loved His Children He Wouldn't Do That As I Point Out To Him On A Regular Basis, I Am Worthless, Nobody Can Love Me, I Am Such A Worthless Person, I Am A Non-Entity, I Just Can't Believe This, And The Reason I Kept Believing This And Repeating It Over And Over In My Life Is Because I Kept Choosing Alcoholic Men For Partners, I Chose Them Because They Reaffirmed Everything That I Needed Reaffirmed, Nothing To Do With Their Alcoholism, It Was My Al-Anonism That Seeked This Personality To Fix The Character Defects In Me, Alcoholic And An Al-Anon Go Hand In Hand, I Mean Like Put A Glove On, I Mean An Alcoholic Was A Glove For Me, He Fit Every Little Thing My Fingers Need To Get Into, As I Read This The First Time I Read It To Understand The Disease Of Alcoholism, As We Went Through It For Me Personally To Work The Steps I Recognized My Own Disease In Many Of These Pages, There Is An Alcoholic Torture That I Shall Never Know, My Daughter Says When I Have A Flat Tire I Call Triple A, When She Has A Flat Tire She Calls Suicide Prevention, That Is The Difference, Her Fear Is Overwhelming She Has A Flat Tire I Don't Know What To Do, Now Me I Call Triple A Tell Them Exactly How To Get Their Tow Truck Hooked Up, What Time To Be There And Exactly What I Need For Them To Bring In That Tow Truck, I Never Been In A Tow Truck I Know Nothing About A Tow Truck But I Pretty Well Figure What They Need, That Is The Difference, The Body Of The Alcoholic Is Quite As Abnormal As His Mind, The Body, We Are Looking At Him And Saying If You Loved Me You Wouldn't Do This, And His Body Is Screaming Craving, Craving, Craving And I Have No Idea Of This, It Did Not Satisfy Us To Be Told That We Could Not Control Our Drinking Just Because We Were Maladjusted To Life, They Are Maladjusted, That We Were In Full Flight From Reality And Were Outright Mental Defects, I Lovingly And Kiddingly Say Every Alcoholic I Have Ever Chose The Type I Get Are The Outright Mental Defects, I Point This Out To My Children Constantly, You Are One Of Those Outright Mental Defects, It Is Really Good Information To Have If You Want To Hammer Them, So Remember There Is Some Good Stuff To Just Point To That Alcoholic And Straighten Up, You Are An Outright Mental Defect, It Says In The Book, My Daughter Flipped Around To Me One Day And She Said Yeah It Also Says That Alamonds Are The Meanest Women In The World, So We Have A Lot Of Fun, It Is Fun, Look At This, It Says Alcoholics Are In Full Flight From Reality, Get This Picture, An Alcoholic Is In Full Flight From Reality, Does Not Want Reality, Cannot Stand Reality, Is Not Normal, Is A Mental Defect, They Are In Full Flight, And If They Ever Had Guilt In Their Life, I Tell Them Constantly, When You Are In Full Flight From Reality, Do You Ever Turn Around And See Who Is Hanging On To Your Arms And Legs, It Is Us, Give Me That Mental Outright Defective, I Love Him, Don't Leave Me, Don't Abandon Me, I Love You, You Don't Like Reality, You Are In Full Flight, Oh You Are My Man, And We Think We Are Not Whackos, These Things Were True To Some Extent, In Fact To A Considerable Extent With Some Of Us, But We Are Sure That Our Bodies Were As Sickened As Well, The Body Of An Alcoholic Has An Abnormal Craving To Alcohol, And We Are Standing There Saying If You Love Me, If You Love Me, They Have No More Idea Than What We Do, In Our Belief, Our Picture Of The Alcoholic Who Leaves Out This Physical Factor Is Incomplete, The Doctors Theory That We Have An Allergy To Alcohol Interests Us, As Lame In Our Opinion As To Its Soundness May Of Course Mean Little, But As Ex-Problem Drinkers We Can Say That His Explanation Makes Good Sense, Explains Many Things For Which We Could Not Otherwise Account.
Look Over Here At The Second, The Doctor Writes On The Next Page, The Doctor Writes, The Subject Presented In This Book Seems To Be Of Paramount Importance To Those Afflicted With Alcoholic Addiction, And Anytime There Is Alcohol Or Drinking, I Always Put Control, I Put Alanons
[01:10:04]
Under Here So I Will Understand Alanons Too. I Say That After Many Years Experience As A Medical Director In One Of The Oldest Hospitals In The Country Treating Alcohol And Drug Addiction, There Was Therefore A Sense Of Real Satisfaction When I Was Asked To Contribute A Few Words On This Subject Which Is Covered In Such Masterly Detail In These Pages. We Doctors Have Realized For A Long Time That Some Form Of Moral Psychology Was Of Urgent Importance To Alcoholics, But Its Application Presented Difficulties Beyond Our Conception.
Now This Is The Doctor, And He Had Treated Thousands Over The Years. With What An Ultra Modern Standards Our Scientific Reports To Everything, We Are Perhaps Not Well Equipped To Apply The Powers Of Good That Lie Inside Our Synthetic Knowledge. Many Years Ago One Of The Leading Contributors To This Book Came Under Our Care In The Hospital While He Acquired Some Ideas Which He Put Into Practical Application. This Is Bill Wilson, So You Can Put That Out In The March. This Is Bill Wilson. Later He Requested The Privilege Of Being Allowed To Tell His Story To Other Patients Here With Some Misgivings We Consented. Now Look At This, He Requested The Privilege Of Telling His Story. Its A Privilege, So When You Are Asked To Talk Behind This Podium, If Its 5 Minutes Or An Hour, You Should Consider It A Privilege. Don't Ever Let Me Hear Any Of You, Especially In This Bunch, Say No.
Its A Privilege. I Mean We've Saved Our Lives As Bernadette Put Out, This Saved Our Lives. The Cases We Have Followed Through Have Been Most Interesting. In Fact Many Of Them Are Amazing. The Unselfishness Of These Men As We Have Come To Know Them. The Entire Absence Of Profit Motive In Their Community Spirit Is Indeed Inspiring To One Who Has Labored Long And Wearily In This Alcoholic Field. They Believe In Themselves And Still More In The Power Which Pulls Chronic Alcoholics Back From The Gate Of Death. The Unselfishness Of These Men, You Know Some Of Us Get Very Upset When Our Alcoholics, Be Husband, Wives, Mothers, Fathers, Children, Whatever, Spend So Much Time Away From Us Doing The Deal.
If You Read, If You Ever Get Into That Mode, If You Would Go Back And Read This, Its The Unselfishness Of These Men, The Entire Absence Of Profit Motive In The Community Spirit That They Have, Trying To Pull A Chronic Alcoholic Back From The Gates Of Death. If We Could Ever Understand This, Al-Anon, That Our Alcoholics Have To Have AA Meetings. They Have To Have Weekend Conventions. They Have To Have Those Late Night Coffee Things With Another Alcoholic.
They Have To Get Up In The Middle Of The Night. They Have To Do These Things, Not Only To Save Their Own Lives, But To Pull A Chronic Alcoholic Away From The Gate Of Death. We Need To Remember That, Because We Can Get In, Especially After They've Been Around For A While. I've Had Some Really Neat Plans, And Jim Screwed Up Because He Had To Go Talk To Some Drunk. And I Mean I'd Get On My High Horse For An Instant, Second, Until He'd Give Me That Look. I'll Tell You There's Something That Goes On Between Two Alcoholics I'd Give Anything In This World If I Had. I Don't Have It, I Don't Understand It, And I Wish I Did.
But It Is A Love. When Jim Said Over And Over There's Such A Spiritual Experience When One Alcoholic Talks To Another Alcoholic. They Have Such A Love For Each Other That It Amazes Me. I Wish I Had It. I Wish I Could Understand That, To A Degree. There Also Comes A Lot Of Pain With That Love If You Love That Deep, That Wide, And That All-Consuming. But To Watch The Drunks Love Each Other And Talk With Each Other Fascinates Me. How They Cherish Each Other. You Know What We Do? You Know Why It Says In Our Opening Don't Gossip Or Criticize Each Other? You Know Why We Have To Put That In There? Because We're A Bunch Of Gossipers And Criticizers. We Have To Learn Here That Love For Each Other. We Have To Learn It. And To See Alcoholics Cherish Each Other Is Just Awesome To Me. I Love Watching It. I Strive To Try To Get That Kind Of Loving For Another Human Being. And Let Me Tell You Over The Years I Go To One Open AA Meeting A Week. It Is Committed. I Go To Several Others Obviously Because I Go To A Lot Of Conventions. But There Is A Committed AA Meeting Every Week That I Go.
There is a committed AA meeting every week that I go to hear about the disease of alcoholism, to constantly remind me that I'm affected by the disease of alcoholism, but also to see their eyes and see the love and see what happens there. There is such excitement in an AA group.
[01:15:00]
You don't have an Al-Anon program as far as I'm concerned. Again, this is my opinion, but you cannot have the recovery that is offered here unless you go to open AA meetings. Please, if you don't do that, don't cheat yourself. It adds so much to your own recovery. Back to the book. We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy.
The phenomenal craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Do you remember when you was going out drinking with your alcoholic and you'd say, well, just have two, that's all I'm going to have. Why can't you just have three or four and let's go home? Why'd you open that whiskey bottle? It's 1 a.m. Why are you opening it now? Let's go to bed. I mean, they were amazed to me.
These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. And once they've formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, now listen to what this doctor is saying about alcoholics that he's treated for five years, 5,000 of them. Once they have lost their self-confidence, and how do we see that as Al-Anons, when an alcoholic has lost his self-confidence?
We see it as anger, as screaming, as rage, as leaving us, as leaving the kids, as can't keep a job. And we take it so personally. And what's happened, they've lost all their self-confidence and they're eat up with fear. The only way that they can survive then is the anger. Anger gives you an energy. I was so angry last year at one human being with all the years of recovery that I have. I was so angry with the human being that I couldn't hardly breathe.
I had a lot of things to do. When Jim died, there was a tremendous thing, a lot of things. When anybody dies, there's a lot of things to do. But I had a business that I discovered was in quite a mess. I had no idea about businesses, so I had to do a lot of things. I didn't have the knowledge or the energy to even look at. And I was furious with this one human being who, it seems as if, might have had a lot to do with the tearing down business.
Still investigating that. My sponsor said, I said, I'm so angry that I can't hardly breathe. And she said, maybe you need to stay angry as long as you need to stay angry. She said, maybe it's giving you the energy that you need to get all these things done. And I thought about that and I experienced that and it did. I used that energy to do a lot of stuff. I used that anger, I think it was like, I don't remember now, a month, two months before I could let it go.
I remember the instant that I let it go. I remember driving down the street and it popped out. I remember it. I'm on the street, down the highway, praying like crazy. I'm surprised I didn't run over somebody. But we look at the alcoholic's anger sometimes and we take it very personally. They've lost all their self-confidence. They don't know how to act. They don't know how to do the world. Their reliance upon human things, says the book.
They've lost their reliance upon human things. Their problems pile up on them and they become astonishingly difficult to solve. I love this sentence, frothy. Frothy emotional pills seldom suffices. How many of you have given frothy emotional pills to your alcoholic? They got so tired of my froth that they would leave immediately when they saw the froth coming out of my little lips. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholics must be have depth and weight.
Now this is when they're drinking or when they're sober, I found out. I thought in sobriety all this would disappear. It does not. There's a lot of time when the mental obsession comes in sobriety and their reliance upon human things fails in sobriety and they have lost their self-confidence in sobriety. I didn't understand that until I got married to a sober husband. I mean, every alcoholic I had was drunk, so I just, they don't know what they're doing, they're drunk.
You know, just, they're drunk, they're drunk. Then when I got a sober alcoholic who was sober many years and worked a fantastic program, when I saw from time to time that he would lose these things. And guess what I did? The froth. I tried to explain to him exactly what he needed to do to get his self back on his track. I had no depth or weight about the disease of alcoholism. I had none. So, you know, it was spitting in the wind.
In nearly all cases, their ideas must be grounded in a power greater than themselves.