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Source: Mary T. (Pearl) – 12 Step Study Part 6 1998 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: mary-t-pearl-12-step-study-part-6-1998-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:09:45
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Step 11 says, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Well, these are for our maturity steps, like I said. We have to expand our spiritual life, because if we don't, we won't grow and mature. You know, you can't sit still with your spiritual life. And without the spiritual expansion, no Twelve Step program is going to work that well.
If you don't continuously expand, you know, we want to guarantee that God's going to handle things the way we want them done, and that just doesn't come. And we balk when it comes to giving God control of our life, you know. We're afraid God's not going to do it right, you know. We're so sick. But if you want, to me, keeping spirituality simple works best for me. I don't believe in complicated. Number one is, do I believe in a God?
Do I believe there is a God? Number two, do I believe that God cares for me? Do I truly believe that? Number three, do I trust God to take care of me? Do I trust Him? Will I allow God to be my best friend? You see, there's a difference, being my best friend. Will I allow God the freedom to do what He wants to do with my life? Am I going to give God the freedom to do what He wants to do? And if so, am I going to give Him my cooperation?
It's as simple as it gets. I've got to cooperate in my own recovery. And when you can answer yes to those questions, you can learn to be happy, joyous, and free. When you can do that. You know, this step is about discipline. You know, I have to discipline myself with prayer and meditation. It's not a normal thing for me to get up and do those things. You know, I had to learn how to do it until it becomes natural.
You know, the thing about it is, the repetition that we have in the program, the over and over, getting up and doing your reading, your prayer, and your meditation, that's repetition. You do it and it's strengthening, confirms, until faith becomes natural. You keep doing the things you're supposed to do until doing them becomes natural. And then you don't feel right if you hadn't done them. Don't you have those days if you get up and you're in a hurry and you shortchange yourself and you're not right the whole darn day.
If you notice, everybody gets on your last nerve. Well, they're there every day. You know, it's always amazing to me too, people that get up and run late on a particular day. Have you ever noticed every slow person in the world is on the road, isn't it? You know why? That's their time of the day. Who's out of sync? You are. If you'd have got up when you're supposed to get up, you wouldn't be experiencing that.
You're the one who's out of whack. It's not that guy out there plodding along. He plods along the same time every day. You're the one that's in the wrong time slot. Well, you know, you have to go on. You have to realize in order to know anyone or anything really well, you've got to spend time with them. If you have a relationship, you've got to work on that relationship. And it's the same thing true with God.
You've got to work on that. You know, the more and more I learn about God, the more and more I learn about me. And the reason is, who knows more about me than who created me? No one. You know, God knows what I take, how I take, if I take, you know. And I realize and I feel at a gut level, I begin to feel I'm a child of God. And I begin to accept that birthright. And I begin to thrive on that and realize that God wants me to have the best of everything.
Don't you as parents want your kids to have the best of everything there is to have? And the only thing that'll stop them from having it is if they don't get it. You know, the thing of it is, that's their deal with them and God. It doesn't have anything to do, you know, it doesn't have anything to do with all those other things. But God wants me to reflect that which I am. When I act like the child of God that I am, good things happen to me.
When I do not accept that birthright and I do not act like a child of God, I don't get the benefits. And I'm the one that's doing that. And the more I get close to God, the more I see how I get in God's way. You know, I get in God's way a lot. He wants to give me things and it's like I'm saying, give me, give me, give me. And he's saying, I won't do it, I won't do it. I'm like, I don't want it, I don't want it.
I can handle it myself. No, thank you. I can do this deal by myself. Reminds you of that old song, I can handle that job all by myself. And the truth of the matter is we can't handle it by ourselves. You got to have help. And I do this by inviting God into my day and practicing the presence of God. You know, you know, RPMs, those are the things that rev up a motor, isn't it? The reading, prayer and the meditation.
That's what revs up the spiritual motor inside of me. And when I don't take time to do those things, I'm not revved up. And I'm only going at slow speed. And I've learned how to be still and know because, see, that's the problem for me is trying to close my mind down, get my mind still enough instead of going off into five thousand directions, plotting and planning, and just be still and know that God is going
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to take care of me, that, you know, God will tell me what to do in any given situation. And when I am in confusion, I'm in what I want. Still gives me confusion. God doesn't. You know, God is that little calm voice. You know, God can't be heard over screaming and fretting and what have you. When I'm doing all that, I don't hear it. But meditation centers me. It gets me centered. And I try to center myself and see myself sitting and surrounded by love, unconditional love, and that there's nothing in this world that can hurt me that unconditional love can't fix.
You know, for a long time, I wanted to say, OK, I'm OK. And people, if I just don't let them get close to me, they can't hurt me. But you see, if I keep people away from me, I don't get the joy of people either. You know, when you build a wall, it keeps out the good and the bad. Wall is a wall. And you've got to be vulnerable and you've got to bring down the wall. And yeah, you might experience a hurt occasionally, let you know you're alive.
But the bottom line is I can't get the joy if I don't have the wall down. And the little hurts that I get are nothing in comparison to the joys that I get. You know, those kind of things. And in the beginning, though, I used to I was a crazed person. I would get, you know, I had like every kind of meditation book known to me. And I had let's say I had the Odette, the 24 hour book, let's say each day, a new beginning, God calling daily guidepost, as we understood, you know, you name it, a God angle.
It was an AA book. I loved it, too. You know, I just I had all these books, had them just stacked up on my end table. And every morning I'd get up and all I had time to do was read every one of these readings. And there was meditation. I read all those readings. And by the time I walked out the door, I could not tell you one thing I had read because I had too much to try to focus on. You know, if you can just take one or two thoughts and focus on them instead of trying to do 14 different topics at the same time, you know.
And so I thought if those meditation books are all great and wonderful. But for me, it didn't work reading all at the same time. You know, I try to read the Odette book. If I don't read anything else in the morning, I'm going to read the Odette book and then I'm going to try and meditate on. I read it through three times and the first time I just read it through. And the second time I read it aloud, I need to hear what it says.
And then the third time I read it, I take it apart sentence by sentence and say, how does this apply to me today? When you do it like that, you'll remember what that reading is about. And then when I get through doing all my reading and I sit there and I meditate, when I get through, I write down one or two lines of what I feel are my good orderly directions for the day. I write that down and take that piece of paper with me.
Did that for years. And you take that piece of paper with you and if you forget during the course of day what you're supposed to be doing, look at your good orderly directions. You know, that was your message, you know, and sometimes the good orderly directions are nothing but go to work, you know, be kind and loving today, you know, no matter what happens today, don't lose your sense of humor. You know, things like that have saved me time after time after time.
The holidays were always a really hard time, real hard time during the holidays, trying to keep an upbeat attitude because there was a lot of crap that came down during the drinking years during the holidays. Not only that, my daddy died during the holidays. So you know, there was just a negative thing with the holidays for me. And so I made a decision when I got up and I said, I don't care what happens today, I'm going to have a good attitude about it and try to find something humorous about it.
And got off from work and J.D. said he wanted to go out to his mom's and we started out there and he said, honey, why don't you drive? I'm real tired. And I said, okay, which was fine with me because he's driving, drives me nuts anyway. So driving out there and I drove down there, his mom was long driveway, well, I'm a real good driver, real good driver, but I am the world's worst backer-upper, I'll be the first to admit it.
And so we went out there and his mother wasn't at home, he hadn't even called to see if his mother's home. Okay. So we back up, I back up and I got off of the driveway because I'm not one of those that just, you know, I admire people that can look over their shoulder and, you know, go 45 miles an hour and reverse and black up six blocks. I can't do that. You know, I'm like, you should see me with a trailer.
No, you shouldn't. Two days later, she's still trying to get it down the ramp. Just can't do that deal. Well, I'm backing up and like I say, I got off of the driveway and it had rained a lot. So the tire just went right down to the axle. Well, we're not going anywhere, are we? And so JD was just, oh, he couldn't believe I had done it. He got out, he cussed it, he cussed me. He just stomped, he raved, he walked back and forth and looking at it and looking at it and then I got out and I looked at it and I said, hmm, none of that helped.
It's still in the mud. Would you like to try something that works, like call a wrecker?
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And he sat over there and he looked at me and then he started laughing. He said, I guess that was sort of, I said, yeah, it didn't help a bit. You know, and that's the thing, you know, sometimes the kindest thing you can do when someone screws up is keep your mouth shut. It's not just harping and harping and beating because I mean, I couldn't have felt any worse about it, you know. I mean, I hated it, but there it was, Merry Christmas to the wrecking company, you know.
So we called a wrecker. But the thing about it is, is keeping the program simple, that's what I'm saying, you know, just asking God each day, making a decision each day of my will that I want to have a good day today. And when I don't make a conscious decision of my will to do something positive, I have already made the decision to be negative. You know, I have to work. I have to tell myself out loud I'm going to be positive because what you hear in your head doesn't have the impact as what you hear on your ears.
That's the reason it's so important to go to meetings and hear other people instead of just running around in your head. You remember the committee ran around in my head, you know, but it's what that you hear outside that makes a difference, makes a big impact in your life. And it works for me better to have these possible principles to go on. And so, like I say, I do that reading when I pray. I try to give God all of my mind, not just part of it.
And so I give him the good, the bad and the ugly, you know. I think praying is for us more than anything because God knows what you need. But I think we need to have the ability to tell him. It's like, that's my best friend. I need to talk to him. And I will say, this is what's on my heart. This is what's troubling me today. And then God will give me what I need. It may be not have anything to do with what is troubling me today because what's troubling me may not be the problem.
The problem may be something over here. And this may be what happened as a result of the problem that's troubling me. It doesn't have to be direct. So meditation is a learned art to me, you know, because I can remember sitting there and I could not meditate two minutes. I could not get my mind to shut down. I would be saying, OK, I'll try to meditate on something positive. And so my sponsor said, try God loves me.
And I said, OK. And so I'd go, God loves me. God loves me. God loves me. I got to go to the grocery store. Let's see. I need some cornmeal and some celery. Oh, God loves me. God loves me. God loves me. And I was stopped by the cleaners on the way home. God loves me. God loves me. You know, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, you know, because it's a matter of discipline. And then after a while, but I would keep saying, no, come back.
I would start over again. And I'd keep on and on until I had sat there five minutes, seemed like two days, you know. And then, you know, after a while, I got to where I could sit there for 10 minutes or 15 and, you know, 30 minutes. It's not. But it's something that you learn over a period of time and you'll find what works well for you. You know, sometimes I like to listen to soft music. Sometimes I don't listen to anything.
You know, it just depends on where I'm at. But I tried to do the positive things. God's voice is reason. You know, like God's voice in the madness there when I had him down in the tub. That was the voice of reason that came to me and said, this is someone you love. You're committing murder. That's a God deal. You know, if it wasn't for that voice coming to me, you know, I'd be in jail and J.D. would be out.
He'd be underground, whether he'd have the lining in his face or not. I've often told him I was going to put him in a browning bag anyway. And I'm grateful that God's there for me. I'm so grateful God's there for me. You know, when I'm free of resentments, unforgiveness and all my defects, you know, I can hear God a lot quicker. I can hear God a lot stronger. Those character defects and those resentments and that anger and stuff blocks me from being able to hear because I keep hearing that.
That's the reason it's so important to get that stuff out. And when I have, there are times when you've got to make decisions and you don't have a clue. You don't have a clue. Now, a mother passed away in 1991. And so I had realized the year before that my sister had been all those things that I wanted a mother to be all my life. Dorothy had been there doing those things. She had been there being supportive, loving, kind, encouraging.
She'd always been that way for me. She'd made me feel special all my life. And somehow or another, I had the idea that that's what all sisters did for one another. And that's not true. See, my sister didn't have any children and she's old enough to be my mother. And so she became a surrogate mother to me all those years. Well, after mother died, that was very apparent to me then with Dorothy. And she's had more of a mother role than a normal sister situation.
We decided we would go one year. In 1994, we decided that we would go to Hawaii. We go there every three years. And we decided that year we were going to go from Thanksgiving to Christmas. We had never been that time. We had never been that time of the year.
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We just wanted to know what it would be like Christmas in Hawaii, that kind of thing. Well, it's weird the way it is. You know, they don't have seasons, you know, and so here's Santa Claus wearing a pair of shorts carrying a surfboard. It's just something different. You know, it's not quite what we're used to. Poinsettias grow wild everywhere, and they're as big as trees, and just many, many blooms.
It's just really pretty, but it just wasn't Christmas like I knew Christmas to be. But as the trip got closer and closer, I noticed that Dorothy, something was happening with Dorothy. Now, Dorothy had retired, and we would walk together at the mall, and she would always get mad because I walk off and leave her, and I keep telling her walking at her pace doesn't help me, and so I have to go and I have to do what I need to do for me.
And I noticed that she kept getting slower and slower and slower, and I told her, I said, what's the matter? And she said, well, I can't get my breath as well, and I said, well, why don't you get that scene about? So she did. She went to the beauty shop, and they diagnosed it was a hiatal hernia, and it's so funny because I took mother to the hospital with what I thought was a heart problem, was a hiatal hernia, and they diagnosed Dorothy's hiatal hernia, which was heart trouble.
And so when we got over in Hawaii the first week, she did pretty good. The second week, I began to see her go a lot down. The third week, I thought I was going to have to take her to the hospital. Every day, I kept asking her, let me take her to the hospital. She wouldn't do it. And I came back home, and of course, it's the day before Christmas. You can't go to the hospital, do anything at that period of time, get seen.
So after Christmas, we started going to doctors, just rounds and rounds of doctors, and here it is going into the New Year's. Well, I was supposed to go to New Orleans and do a step study in the second week in January, and so Dorothy and I had been through, I had been with her to tests every day that whole week, and it got Thursday night, and she says, well, that's the last test I have till next Tuesday.
And she said, so see, it worked out fine, you know, that you can go on off to New Orleans, and I thought, well, that's good. And because, you know, I thought, well, there's nothing else I can do. I can always get somebody to take her to another doctor's appointment if I had to. And I got up Friday morning, I got dressed to go to New Orleans, and I thought I'll call and see how she's feeling, and I couldn't get an answer.
And it scared me really bad. And so I went over to her house, and her car was in the carport, but Dorothy wasn't there. And now the question is, being how I'm her only, well, where is she? Where is the body? Where is the body? And I was looking, I even looked under the bed, thinking maybe she had fallen off the bed and gone under the bed. I mean, you know, I couldn't imagine where she'd gotten off to.
How could she disappear like that? And so I'm standing there, and I'm just sort of running around in a circle in her house. I'm talking to her dog. Where is she? Where is she? Like they're going to tell me. So I said, calm down, calm down. And I said, God, what do I need to do? God, what do I need to do? And you know, this is where the program kicks in and says, do what you'd normally be doing to the best of your ability in a case of emergency.
Do what you'd normally be doing. What would I be normally doing? I would be getting on a plane going to New Orleans. Get on the plane, go to New Orleans. I'll get on the plane, go to New Orleans. And so that's how I did. I went on out to the airport, and I got on the plane for New Orleans. Well, I have changed planes in Dallas. And so when I get to my next gate, it's one of those where 20 and 21 are side by side.
And 20's going to New Orleans, and 21's going back to Little Rock. Oh, decisions. I've got to find the body. I have to find the body. And so I go over to the telephone, and I call, and I call her primary care physician, and he's out of town. And his nurse says, wait a minute. I think there was something on the answering machine for him. And so she came back, and she said, your sister's at the hospital.
And I said, she's at the hospital? And she said, yes, she's being admitted. And so I called the hospital, and sure enough, she was still there in admissions, and she was being admitted with congestive heart failure. And I said, why didn't you call me and tell me? And she said, I didn't want to worry you. I said, well, you didn't. You scared me to death. It is beyond worry. And I said, how could, you know, and I said, well, do I need to come back home?
What exactly? And she says, no, they just say they're going to do something to take some of the fluid off from around my heart. And I didn't know that much about congestive heart failure, either one of us. And so I said, well, do I, I still don't know what to do. And so she said, don't worry about it, but I know my sister. Now, when my brother-in-law was killed in the car wreck, he didn't die instantaneously.
They took him to the hospital where he stayed for a couple of days before he died. And I had stayed with her all that period of time. And then I finally decided I needed to go to a meeting. And the minute I left for the meeting, my brother-in-law died. And she said, where were you when I needed you? And so that came back to me. And I thought, do I need to be there instead of going to New Orleans? You know, I don't want to feel guilty about this deal.
And I said, God, I need an answer. And I need an answer now because they're calling my plane. I need an answer. And about that time, I saw Father Hillary and they were pushing him in a wheelchair.
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He was going from gate to gate, but they were pushing him in a wheelchair. And I stopped them. And I said, wait a minute. Hillary, Hillary. I need to talk to you. I said, there's this terrible thing. He said, don't have time to talk, Murp. Got to carry the message. That's what we do best, you know. And on he went. And I said, I get the message. So, OK, I went ahead and I got on the plane. Now, I want you to know, I didn't get on the plane with a joyful heart saying, I know I'm supposed to be going to New Orleans.
Because my heart was breaking because I wanted to be with my sister. But I also knew I had a commitment to go to New Orleans. But what do you do? And right before I got on the plane, I turned around and I called and I called one of the girls I sponsor. And I said, Dorothy's at the hospital. Tell J.D. where Dorothy is. When I got to New Orleans and got to my room, I called back to the hospital. They had her in a room.
And guess who answered the phone? My pigeon. There were five of my pigeons there. And they were going to stay with my sister. And they were there. And there were someone that I sponsored or someone from the group was there all weekend long. And it's the minute I heard her voice and knew that she was there. I knew she was doing for me. God had provided to do for me what I couldn't do for myself and that I was to do what I was supposed to do.
And I turned it over. And I didn't worry. And then when I got back home, I left from the airport and went straight to the hospital. I saw my sister and she looked real bad. And it scared me. But I also knew that God was in control. And so we just started. And like I say, I never had to stay one day there by myself with her. And then the doctor came in and they took 60 pounds of fluid off of her in three days.
She was drowning. And they told me that they could then run some other tests. And they said she had 100% blockage in two arteries in her heart and 50% in two others and that she was going to have to have surgery if she was going to live. And Dorothy said, well, I'll need to think about that. And I said, excuse me, I have her power of attorney. Where is that line you want me to sign? And I signed for my sister to have surgery.
I said, you just heard she's incompetent. How could you say that? And so we transferred her to the Baptist Medical Center where we had the open heart surgery. Now, the neat part about the open heart surgery was now I live about 45 minutes from the Baptist Medical Center across two towns to get there. And one of the girls that I sponsor lives about seven to 10 minutes at the most away. And she gave me a key to her door and she gave me a garage door opener.
And she said, I want you to come and live with us while your sister's over here at the hospital. And she went with me at five o'clock that morning. And we went in there and visited with my sister until they came. And we all went down to the operating holding room area and we stayed there until they got ready to take her back. And when I walked into the coronary care waiting room, it was my group. They were all in there.
You know, there was my sponsor. There was all my people. They were there to carry me through those hours and hours and hours of that heart surgery. We had a meeting. We laughed. We cried. We had a lot of fun in there. And then they finally called and they had told us that right after surgery, they let the entire family go back. And then after that, you can only go like twice a day or three times a day.
And so it was so funny because when she said the Watson family in the waiting room stood up and she just looks. And of course, there's my sponsor. You know, she's a black woman. And she looks at us. And I said, this is our mom, my mom. And you know, she was a mom to me. My sponsor was my mom to me long before I could reconcile with my mother. And so, you see, God gives me what I need when I need it.
We all went back and then we came back and like I said, I lived over there at that girl's house and then my sister didn't do well after the surgery and she had blood clots to form. And so she was there in the hospital about a month. But you know, she was never alone. That was the darndest thing because somebody was constantly going over there being and doing helping me, doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
So that's a God deal. That's a God deal. All I ever all I need to know today is that what I need will be given to me today. I don't need for tomorrow today. You know, what I need for today will be given to me. Tomorrow will take care of itself. And don't limit God on how he does stuff. You know, I would never have thought to tell him to put Hillary in a wheelchair and send him to the airport at that precise moment, you know, and the prayers of other people are so important.
You know, J.D. had cancer and we didn't want to talk about it because all the men in his family died of cancer. And when he got the big C, of course, we all just went, oh, it's all over, you know, and it scared us, scared us really bad. And J.D. didn't want to talk about it.
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I didn't want to talk about it. And one of the girls I called me, sponsored, called me and I couldn't talk. All I could do was cry. And what I'd do is before J.D. would come home from work, I would take and put cucumbers on my eyelids so he couldn't see that I'd been crying. I mean, that was what we were doing, a little game. And so when I hung up the phone, I didn't tell her what was the matter. I couldn't because I didn't want to say the words.
You know, you don't want to say someone I love has cancer. It's like saying someone I love is dying. That's how I saw it. And so anyway, what she did, bless her heart, was she got on the phone. She called everybody in the group. She said, let's pray for Murp. I don't know what's wrong with her, but something bad's wrong with Murp. Let's pray. And somewhere in the wee hours of that morning, that fear went away.
See, the prayers of other people can carry you when you can't do yourself, you know. So the people in the program and she loved me so much, you know, that she prayed for me, not knowing what the problem is. You see, God knew what the problem was. She didn't have to. A good thought is like a prayer, you know. I tell God, when somebody, you know, like somebody comes to your mind you haven't thought about in a long time, say a prayer and ask God to bless them.
You know, it may be that God needs somebody to pray for them at that point in time. You can be it. You know, I used to tell people, you know, tell God what to do for people. I'd say, now, God, this one needs this and this one needs that. Well, that's pretty arrogant, you know, like God don't know. And I don't know what's best because remember the things that I thought were the worst things in my life have turned out to be the best.
You know, having an alcoholic, my God, having an alcoholic made me qualify for all of this. I would have missed this, you know, I would have missed it all, you know. So when you get up, you know, it's like starting my day and say, God, what can I do for you today? What do you want me to do? What's my, what's my deal? How can I help you today? And then when I'm doing that, I'm not into self-pity, I'm not into depression, I'm not into my self-centeredness.
Now, there came a point in time when I got healed and just wonderfully healed in the program and I became a guru. And well, you know, you do this sometimes, you know, you just get so overwhelmed with your own recovery and what can I say, you know, it's the truth. And the only problem is when that happens, then when you do have a problem, you can't tell anybody because you see, if you're working your program so well, how come this is happening?
You know, and in other words, pride took over. Program pride took over. Now, program pride can kill you. I'm here. And one night I'm there and there's nothing going wrong in my life and my life is hell. It's hell in here because I was living a lie and I knew it. And so that night I'm there and I'm praying and I was on my knees and I just laid face first down the floor and I said, God, my life is so unmanageable.
It's just so unmanageable. I said, I'm being phony. You know, I've separated myself from my group. I've separated myself from people because I've become beyond that. And I said, and I'm hurting and I felt isolated and alone. That's tragedy to be isolated in the fellowship of AA or Al-Anon. That's a tragedy. And so I called my sponsor in the middle of the night, about two o'clock and I told her where I was and she said, well, we all knew that, you know, and she said, I tried to tell you, but you couldn't hear, you know, you can't hear, you can hear.
And so she told me what to do though. She told me to go back to my group and to tell them where I was at and quit being the group guru and become a member of the group, you know, and you know, that was hard to do, but I was so glad that there was a lady in our group that I knew didn't like me. She made it pretty plain and, and that was okay, but it wasn't okay. You know what I mean? Up here it was okay, but in here, you know, God, you want everybody to like you, you know, they're not going to, but nevertheless, but that night when I told them the group that I had been a phony and I had been this and that, and I had, I felt like if they thought that I was having problems, I wouldn't work in the program, like I said, I was, and which I wasn't.
And then they'd know, and then they wouldn't love me. They never loved me more than they did that night that I became a member of the group. I became one of them. I wasn't up here and they were not down there anymore. And I found out too, that you notice, you can always tell because when something would go in the group and they'd wonder what to do, they'd all look. And then I would tell them, you know, I would fix them, you know, and it's now like when something happens and they'll look and I'll, and then somebody else has to come up with an answer and a solution.
Even if I know sometimes I won't tell them, you know, it's like, I don't want to be in that position again. I don't want to be over anybody anymore. I have received lots of messages from God during meditations and, and some of them are so simple. Like for instance, I was sitting there one day wondering how we were going to make it financially. It just looks so bad. How are we going to make it? And after I did my readings and I got up and I have a big aquarium and I put my fish food out on the top of the aquarium and, and Joyce has got to go.
just enjoy that so much when I go there, anyway the fish food is filtering down through the
[00:30:05]
water, and did you know there's some fish that eat off the bottom, and there's some fish that eat out of the middle, and there's some fish that eat off the top, but the bottom line is everybody in the tank gets fed, now I just noticed that, but you see what that did for me, it told me in life there's some people who eat off the bottom, there's some out of the middle, and some of the top, but everybody gets taken care of, and that let me know I was going to be okay, a little thing like that let me know I was going to be okay, and like I say it was in meditation that I realized Dorothy had been my mother, and it was in meditation that I began to see how the traditions would work in relationships, you know if the traditions could get groups of sickies together, why wouldn't they work for the sickies living in the house together, you know that kind of thing, you know seeing how you can take things, you know it helped me in every way to calm down and to see the reality of what's going on, but you got to be careful about messages from God, you know because sometimes we see what we want to see instead of, and we'll call it God's will, a lot of times what I find is if I'm not careful I'm asking God to co-sign my will, and tell me yes that's what you want, and so therefore I have a tendency only to see what I want to see instead of what God's showing me, but you know God has a really funny way of showing me who I am, I was in Hawaii one time and I went to the big island, and while I was there they had a special tour going down into the Waipio Valley, and it's a valley like going back in time, there's no one living down in there very much, it's not where they have a little settlement of town or anything, it's like going into the jungles, and the only way you can get there is with a four wheel drive vehicle, and there's a huge mountain to go down that doesn't have a paved road or anything, and you get down in there and there's a double waterfall, and then you get down by where the water empties into the ocean, and so you can stand one foot in that mountain stream, it'd be cold in there, you got your other foot in the ocean and it's warm, it's really a neat place to be.
Now the driver, we were in one of these little four wheel drive vans, and the first thing he did, he says we can just ford the river here, but it had rained the night before, and a little bit of the rocks in the river bed had shifted and we went under, now your car doesn't go too well once you go under, and there was four of us in this van, and it was me and this little teenage girl, and then there was this guy that I call Spanky, he looked just like Spanky in our game, only big, but a little round fellow, had on a little hat like a little golf hat, and he was Mary Pearl, that's who he really was, he was Mary Pearl prior to the program.
Now on the side of our van it says, an adventure not soon forgotten, when you get in a vehicle it says that on it, aren't you just out for game, now let's face it, so now we're stranded in the Waipio Valley, and he's going to have to walk out of the valley, because this is before the cellular phone, he's going to have to walk out of the valley, go up that mountain by foot, and get to a place where he can call for them to send another vehicle to get us and bring us back.
So we're going to be down there a lot longer than what we had anticipated, well I just think it's neat because I'm over here climbing a guava tree, you know I'm going to have guava right off the tree, man, this is an adventure, I'm out there wading around in the water and Spanky is going, he's missing the whole deal. And I looked at him and I thought, well Mary Pearl, aren't you, and it was like I saw exactly what I would have been like before the program, this man's personality and everything, it was Mary Pearl, he was exactly Mary Pearl.
And the funny part about it was, I'd say two or three hours later when the second vehicle came, they decided they would try and pull the first vehicle out, and they got in the water with the vehicle to do that, okay, and they couldn't get it done, so then they decided, okay, we'll go back up the mountain, but they got water in the transmission, so we burned up the transmission as soon as we got out of the mountain, so now we were alongside the road broke down.
Now what was supposed to be a two hour trip started at eight in that morning, we got back about ten that night. It was an adventure not soon forgotten. And Spanky was over there demanding a refund, demanding a refund, you know, he was so funny. Like I say, I saw myself there. God works in many, many ways, it's so funny, like I say, how he does things, you know, I can lose keys, I have the God who's the finder of the lost keys, you know, I can pray and ask God, and sometimes they turn up places I didn't think I'd ever been.
[00:35:02]
How did it end up there? You know, that's amazing to me, and then who cares, as long as you have them, who cares? And then I had this pair of earrings, and they were really pretty silver earrings that a girl had given me and that I had sponsored, and I was just really fond of them, and I was out during the Christmas holidays one year, and when I got ready to get in the car to come home, I didn't have one of them on, and the girl who was with me noticed it and she said, you don't have on one of your earrings, and I thought, oh, no, so I began to go back through the mall, making the stores, you know, like you, retracing, I couldn't find them, but I had tried on a couple of items at JCPenney, and I thought they might be there in the dressing room, they weren't, but I left my card with the lady there at the JCPenney counter, and I said, and I drew a picture of the earring, and I showed her the other one, and we drew it on there, and I said, if this shows up, would you give me a call?
And she said, okay, so I went home, and I prayed about it, and I said, God, I'd really like to have those back, if not, whoever finds that one earring, let them enjoy it, and so I went on my merry way, well, weeks went past, and so it was obvious to me that the earrings weren't found, you know, and then one night, I was getting ready to go to the meeting, and the phone rang, and the lady says, you know, it's real strange, this is Ms. So-and-so at JCPenney, and she said, I was just looking at your card the other day, sitting here on my desk, and I thought, there's no hope for this, and I thought, might as well toss it, but something interrupted me, and I didn't, and she said, we have your earring.
It was found today. They had had a new cleaning crew come through, and they had moved all the racks, and evidently, it was hung in a piece of clothing on one of those racks, and it had fallen down finally on the floor, and they'd found it, and I said, well, I'll be over to pick it up. I was just so excited. I couldn't hardly wait. I thought, I'll pick it up on the way to the meeting, so I went tearing over there, and when I got there, she was busy waiting on another customer, so I'm standing there, and I'm just waiting to get my earring, and I happen to look, and right at the checker thing, they have that little hook where they hang stuff, and there's a wool skirt.
Now, I've been looking for a wool pleated skirt for two years, in my size. You just don't go in, find my size, and this is my size, and I'm going, it's a skirt. It's right here. It's right here at the checkout. This is my skirt. I can't believe it, so when the lady came back, and I said, it's me, and she said, okay, here's your earring. I said, is this skirt on hold for someone? She said, no. She said, we were going through this, I don't know where this, this got hung somewhere in the back.
She said, it's just been back there. She said, why are you interested? And I said, well, yes. She said, well, would you be willing to buy it for half of half? Yeah, I'll buy a $100 skirt for $25 any day, and so I said, yes, and I went, isn't that the neatest thing? I said, God did that, and the lady looked at me, and she said, I beg your pardon? I said, well, God held the earring until the skirt was ready.
Don't you understand? I mean, it works for me, you know. I'm also grateful to God for the things he doesn't do that I ask him to do, you know. There was a time when I wanted this house in another town really, really bad, and every time that we wanted to buy it, and we'd get together with the man and his wife, the man would say he was ready to sell, she wasn't ready to sell. And then when she was ready to sell, he wouldn't sell because she wasn't ready when he was ready, and they'd go this little thing back and forth, so we finally just said to hell with it and bought the house we have, and we'd love it.
And the bottom line, you know what they did? They built a daycare center right across the street from that house. That's not where I'd want to live. So I'm real grateful for those things that God, you know, it's Joe R. down in Golden Meadow, Louisiana. He has a little prayer that he put on his cards years and years, and it said, thank you, God, for all the things you've given me. Thank you, God, for all the things you've taken away.
Thank you, God, for all the things you've left me. And you know, that's the truth. You know, those are the really meaningful things. Now I had prayer problems. Now the year that Dorothy was in the hospital, I lost seven friends, passed away on me. I lost a pet that year, and I was really in deep depression. I couldn't seem to get over one before the next one would hit, and the next one would hit, and I was going to more meetings than I'd ever been to, and I was doing the deal to the best of my ability, and guess what?
Grief is a process, and it takes what it takes, you know, and I couldn't help it. I was doing the best I could, but I wasn't in a good place at all, and it's hard to try to act it, you know, and I felt spiritually dry. I felt so disconnected, and it's like I got mad at God for letting all that stuff happen again. You know, it's like I went back to that old deal in my head, and I'm in a bad place, and I'm saying God doesn't listen to me, God doesn't care about, but I have nothing else to do, so I'll continue to do the program because that's all I know to do, and I'm here to tell you if you continue to do it, you will pass to the other side, and you'll go through those dark times.
You know, if you get in this program, you think you're not going to have dark times, you're not in reality, because I don't know anybody in this program who's been here any kind of 24 hours that won't tell you that there will be dark times of the soul
[00:40:03]
even in the program, and so when I was going through this, like I say, I was so down and so depressed about it, and then one of the ladies in our group, we have a custom in our group at the end of the meeting, we continue to hold hands, and anybody who has a need for prayer expresses that need. They'll say, well, I need job prayers, or I need health prayers, or like when I'm coming to travel, I'll say I need travel prayers.
In other words, y'all pray for me while I'm gone. That's all I'm saying, y'all pray for me. And so anyway, this girl's name is Carletta, and she's one of my grandbabies, and she's a schoolteacher. She's been a schoolteacher 25 years, and she came in and she said, I've lost my gradebook. She said, now, if you're not a schoolteacher, you don't know how important that is, but it has every information you need to know about the kid is on the gradebook.
We're going to have report cards coming up in a few weeks. I don't have anything. It's in the gradebook. And she said, I cannot imagine what has happened to my gradebook. Now she asked for gradebook prayers. She had a lost gradebook, and so every day I'd say, you know, God help Carletta find her gradebook, and I was going through the motions, just going through the motions. That's all I was doing. And then I got aggravated because after a week or so, Carletta's still bitching about the gradebook.
You know, every time we meet, and we're meeting, you know, five or six times a week, and so Carletta's giving gradebook prayers, gradebook prayers, gradebook prayers. So that night I'm coming home in my car, or rather that afternoon, and I'm driving around and I said, now God, I know you know where in the hell the gradebook is. Now why don't you show that woman in a way she can understand? And it was just as clear, I had this thought come to me that said, well, why don't you tell Carletta to visualize where her gradebook usually is placed, and then have her to look for something that looks out of place.
And I said, okay, I'll do that. And I didn't think any more about it, and I went on, and that night before the meeting I went by Toxic Bell, and I got a bad chicken taco, and I got sick instantly. And so I spent the next several hours, you know, throwing up and everything else. And so I didn't get to the meeting, and so that, about 11 o'clock, 11.30 that night, it occurred to me, I came out of my deathly illness enough to realize I hadn't told Carletta what to do.
And so I called her and woke her up, and I said, Carletta, I want you to get on your knees, and I want you to visualize where your gradebook usually is, and then I want you to look for something that looks out of place. Humor an old woman, would you? And she said, thank you, Merp. And so she hung up the phone. She said it took her about 30 minutes to get over her resentment before she could start. So anyway, she said she got down on her knees and she visualized, and the next morning she called me at 8.30 in the morning, and she says, you're not going to believe this.
She said, when I got, she said, when I was visualizing, she said, I saw my gradebook on the corner of my desk where it's been for 25 years. And she says, and then I saw construction paper sitting there. And she went to school and she opened up the school cabinet where the construction paper was and her gradebook was underneath the construction paper. Now don't ever limit God how he can do things. Now she's saying, isn't it a miracle?
And I said, yes, it is, and it's mine. She said, yours. She said, it's my miracle. I needed the gradebook. I said, Carlotta, you don't understand. And she said, you're right, I don't. I said, you don't understand, Carlotta. I didn't think God listened to me anymore, much less talk to me. And I said, you see, when I got out of self and prayed for you and asked God for you, God heard my prayer and he answered, so I know he's listening.
And I said, so it's my miracle. You can have that damn book all you want to, it's my miracle. And then, it was a few weeks after that, Carlotta said she had dreamed about me and my sister for several nights because I was really struggling. You see, my sister's diabetic and she does not follow the things she's supposed to follow. She takes 200 units of insulin a day. That's a bunch if you're a diabetic, you know what I'm saying.
And plus she takes four different kinds of tablets and she takes eight different kinds of medicine a day in addition to her diabetes stuff for her heart and blood and cholesterol and you name it. And Dorothy thinks because she takes all that medicine that she can still do everything like she used to do. She didn't want to change her way or habits. And I was struggling with that. You see, it's like telling the alcoholic, if you continue to drink like that, you're going to die.
And they continue to drink like that. You know, it's just the same kind of thing. And so I had to accept the fact that if Dorothy chose to die that way, that's Dorothy's choice and I don't have the right to take away that choice. But I was struggling with it. And Carlotta called me and she said, I got a message for you. And I said, what's that? And she said, I've been dreaming about it for several nights about you and your sister.
And she says, I think it's because I've been praying for you. sister and you and she said what I think you're supposed to do is just enjoy your
[00:45:00]
sister while you got her instead of bitching at her and I said that's about what I'd come to and I said I appreciate that information so Carlette and I become prayer partners we have a spiritual connection of some kind and that's real neat too and that's what I started doing is enjoying my sister and not bitching about her when she's getting that piece of coconut cream pie and when she's sitting there and eating all that stuff that she's not supposed to eat you know to my sister she's been a widow since 1981 oh yeah no 78 well whatever it's a long time now at least 20 years and she says she's not working anymore she doesn't have any children and all she has is her dogs and she says you know I don't have a lot to live for she said I'm not like you I don't have all that stuff and I said it's here for you if you want it and she says but don't you know I'm not like y'all and so I've had to accept that you know but anyway Carlette appraised for my sister in me and I'm real grateful step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs well now we're here we're to the to the living happy joyous and free you know this is where God lives in and if you work those 11 steps your spiritual awakening is guaranteed that's what the step is telling you if you do this you get that and we're supposed to carry the message to the person who still suffers out there now we carry a message we don't carry a person so a lot of times we're trying we're guilty of trying to carry the person and do you know we want it for him so bad that we get in there and try to do it for him that doesn't work that won't work for him you know I have to let God put whoever he wants to in the path of the people especially family members say you know I keep hoping that someday I'm gonna say something you know probably Dorothy will hear it at the beauty shop if she hears it at all you know now I let go of the alcoholic and can turn around and be obsessed with somebody I sponsor you know you have to be careful don't just transfer an obsession and I have to remember what is the message I'm carrying the message I'm carrying is if you work the steps your life will be different that's the message recovery is here you know if you work the steps and working the steps I found God God made my life different God's in charge of my life today God is my friend you know I found two there's another little thing that I've learned too is that if I say God's will five times out loud each day it helps me God's will God's will God's will God's will God's will that sort of solidifies it in my mind that I'm wanting God's will in my life and not my will you'd be surprised how that will work for you and that you've got to practice the principles of the program you got to put the principles above personalities you know whether you like me or not don't reject the message just because you don't like me you know I did that before there was this guy who was from New York he came to our group and he was a he was an alcoholic and he was all he had this really really bad accent you know how people from other parts of the country have accents where we in the South do not and Ed was from he was from in Albany New York and he would say I back upstate in Albany you saying up in New York we do it this way you know and I just blah you know and he and he was on he just irritated me he just opened his mouth he irritated me and so one night he was there bitching about how it was different in New York and I said Ed you like it better in New York he said yeah lots I said what the hell you go back nothing like the kind and loving Al-Anon well a few days after that we're in a meeting and Ed said you know God never puts on you more than you can stand but you will that made me so mad why did God let him say that because see I needed to hear that but I didn't want to hear it from him you know and so I went up to him after the meeting and I made an amends to him and I told him I said you know I have been a real tacky where you're concerned and I said I'm really sorry because you can help me if I will just open my mind to you and I did and Ed and I became friends and I'm real grateful that because see Ed went back out there and he had to drink again and Ed had to die but Ed helped me so what Ed said to me help me see don't ever discount that what you hear in the meetings the person who's who's saying it maybe can't even do it but what they're saying may be the thing for you to do don't discount that let's see oh and nothing you gotta you got to do the program yourself you know you don't you don't have an idea sometimes what you're doing how it affects other people there was this girl I was sponsoring and she was telling me we traded off driving to the meetings over in Little Rock and it was a bad weather situation and she said well you know we don't have any car insurance on our car since you know in drinking you let go a lot of things and she said that's one of them and that it
[00:50:00]
had been removed by the DWI's and she said I'm really afraid to drive and I said well honey it's okay God will go with us you don't have to worry and she went oh yeah whoopee and so we went to the meeting and it was a coat of ice that came on the road it we've had an ice storm and when we came out of there there was ice all over everything and she was scared to death and we started and we went over to the freeway and as we started over the freeway we got to the top of the overpass and there was cars going every which way just bang bang bang bang and she went oh my god and of course she did what you're not supposed to do she panicked and she slammed on the brakes so now we're going around and I said Jennifer honey turn in the direction of your slide and she couldn't hear me fear was they blocked her and I said turn in the direction of your slide and she couldn't so I grabbed the steering wheel and I turned right before we went off the top of the overpass and when we got stopped it's like thank you God and then all these cars are crashing coming towards us and that nobody nobody hit us and Jennifer just sat there and she looked at me and she said I want your God I want your God she said we're okay and I said I told you God take care of us policemen came up and he said who y'all hit her who hit y'all and I said neither he said what are you doing here I said waiting on traffic to clear but we were on the front page of the paper with the car and everything out there and it said only car in 27 car pile-up not touched Jennifer came to believe that night Jennifer came to believe in the power of God taking care of us you know I also know too I've had a privilege of sponsoring many alcoholics over the years in Al-Anon and I know that there is absolutely no difference between me and an alcoholic other than an allergy to alcohol that's the only thing don't think you say my case is different this won't work it will work because we're so alike if you ever sit down and get over your fear of the alcoholic or your anger and talk to an alcoholic other than the one that got you here because they have no validity I understand that you know we don't that's the reason we don't have validity with family members that's the reason we can't you know do anything but talk to one of the others and as it says reason things out but let there be no gossip or criticism or one other the alcoholics in this program have helped me so much you know I just love the alcoholics that's why I'm here because I loved an alcoholic you know don't be afraid and there's the joy of working with others the sponsorship you know I can't tell you how much it means to me to see other people grow we have this girl in our group and every time we would try to read anything she'd say she didn't have her glasses and she's passed them on well I knew what you know I'd seen that my husband had a real problem with reading and he would say you know he didn't have his glasses and he didn't even wear glasses and early on one of the old-timers confronted him on that and he said what's the matter boy you can't read can you and JD said no I can't and he said well I'm going to help you and so he taught JD how to read and see I'm real grateful for that so it was easy to recognize it when I saw it in this girl and she said she couldn't read and so after the meeting I got to her and I said you can't read can you and she said no I can't she said I'm dyslexic she said when I was a kid in school she said the nun stuck me over in a corner with a dunce hat and told me I was stupid and she said they just passed me and passed me and then I just quit and she said I can't read and I can't do anything and she said that's the reason she felt so dependent upon the alcoholic to take care of her because she didn't think she could take care of herself and I said well we're gonna fix that she said how I said we got a bunch of school teachers in this work and I said they're gonna help you and teach you and I said dyslexia some of them work special ed there's bound to be ways that can help people and so she began to get tutored and she began to do and I'll tell you what we read in our group when we start every meeting we read understanding ourselves it's a little pamphlet understanding ourselves and it tells about our anger our denial our feelings of guilt and it's about a page and a half long and there wasn't a dry eye in the house when a couple of years later when they said this girl's going to read understanding ourselves and she went through it and I mean we all cried because that was such a thing that's a miracle that's a miracle it's a miracle when you see people do like that we've had people that said well I'll never be able to speak at the podium and there was one girl that I sponsored and she was a double winner and she'd got up to talk in an AA meeting and fainted fainted dead away she was so scared you know she got up she says my name is and just went right down and somebody said the bitch is drunk but she wasn't she's
[00:55:02]
just scared to death and I told her I said well you can do it and she said no I can't I said yes you can and you will in time and so they had finally after she was in the all-in-one program like so she'd been sober like you know seven eight ten years and she's in Illinois about three or four and she said I've been asked to speak and I said tell him you'll do it and she said what what if I can't talk but five minutes and faint I said well we'll just have fellowship quicker you know and I said she says I just don't think I can do it I said sure you can't and she says why and I said because I'm gonna be there with you and she said yeah but you're over there I said no I'm gonna be there with you so when she got up to talk I stood behind her and I held her around the waist I said see you can't fall over now you can't hurt yourself and she talked and she's been talking ever since you know you know it's like you got to get over those things and you do what you need to do you know to help somebody I tell you there have been it's been the neatest thing with me and the sponsorship is the the love see I don't have any natural children I have a lot of unnatural children you know I call him my children of the spirit you know God knew that I didn't need little kids with the kind of temperament I had I would have been an abuser and so I don't have those but I have the older kids because so you know some of us have got here without the mother and we've got here without that and we need that because see that's what I needed my sponsor didn't have any children either and so she became my mom to me you know they give you that special touch that special hug that special attention you know just to let you know you're okay we were all sitting around talking one night and we were talking about did you ever have a dream that just did you just wanted something or a fantasy that just never and you just always wondered and I said oh yeah I said you know when I was eight years old daddy took me to a livestock show parade and Dunbar high school was an all-black school and they had a marching band with drum majorettes and they led the parade and when I saw those black girls out there strutting and they I tell you what there ain't nobody in the world could strut like a black girl I'm here to tea I loved it I just loved it and I just knew if I had a pair of those boots I could do that too that's stupid I thought took boots I didn't realize it took but anyway didn't have one you know what does I know but I just wanted and so every year at Christmas know my birthday or whatever I would ask for my drum majorette outfit I wanted the outfit and the baton and the boots I wanted to be a drum majorette and of course I didn't get it and I couldn't understand why and so I mentioned this to mother one time and she said well you were such a tomboy we knew you wouldn't keep it clean well there's practical mother so you know I mean and according to mother that would be her thing you know my thing would be give it to him even if they get it dirty they're having fun you know but that wasn't mother's way and so a couple of years after that we were sitting around like say it was right before Christmas and I got a telephone call and this girl said she was having a problem could she come over and talk to me before the meeting and I said sure so she came over at the house and behind her came about 20 or 25 girls and they walked in they said we have something for you and I said what and I opened it up and I have my boots and I have the big baton and I have the leather hat with the big plume I'm telling you I got the whole schmear and we marched to the meeting but I'm here to tell you I still ain't got the swing no matter the boots didn't help that but I tell you what on those days when you're feeling a little less than on those days when you're feeling you know those poor me's nobody loves me I'm gonna out and eat worms I go and get in my closet and I put on my drum majorette hat and I put on my boots and I march around the house because see I am loved they love me enough to make my dream come true how much more could someone love you than to make your dream come true you know that to me and there let me tell you there ain't eight year old kid in the world could have enjoyed it like a 40 some odd year old woman did well I'm gonna pass that now I'm 55 now but I just don't really think and you know the things that I did before you know when I was out there working as a field director for the Red Cross and and as I worked in insurance this is supposed to be a service job to help people I didn't help people but the job I have today to carry the message there's the service job there's the job that I'm cut out to do you know I can't do it if I'm managing or controlling I've got to remember that newcomers are sick and that you're only hearing one part of the story you know what you're funny you hear a newcomer come into Al-Anon and they tell you about the terrible alcoholic and then you go to the open AA meeting and you meet the terrible alcoholic and you swear to God this cannot be the person these people are not living together you know it's it's really funny to me but always remember your experience is Hope to Others, What You Used to Be Like, What Happened When God Came into Your Life
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and Made a Difference, and What Your Life Is Today. That's the story that we have to carry, theirs. And that's where it says, In God's Hands, Your Darkest Past is the Greatest Possession You Have. You see, it's the key to life and happiness for others. When I share the things that I did in my life, that gives you permission to open up those little dark corners of your life and to come forth and tell the truth and be set free.
That's what it's all about. You know, and financial recovery is possible, but you can't place money first. You have to place spiritual things first. And then the financial things come, and it's real funny. I don't always have a lot of money, but I always have everything I need and a lot more. You know, that's the amazing thing, you know. When my sister was in the hospital, I forgot about the fact we were going to be having a yard party coming up, and so I was spending a lot of extra money going back and forth at the hospital, buying things for her, doing for her.
And then I realized I was going to run short to buy stuff for the yard party. And I said, God, I'm screwed up here. I said, I need some help on this deal. I wonder what I need to do. So I'm up at the post office. It's pouring down rain. I get out of the car, and there's a dollar bill laying there on the pavement. So I pick it up, and I throw it in the car, and I go on into the post office, come back out.
I get in the thing, start to put the dollar bill in my purse, and I like to freak out. It was a hundred dollar bill. Just laying out there. I mean, you know, at the post office where they rip you off, I get a hundred dollars. And I said, well, God, I don't believe this. I went to Sam's, bought everything I needed with that hundred dollars. It's like you get it when you need it. The party was going to be that weekend.
I got it when I needed it. It's amazing to me. At those yard parties, we decided in 1990, in my backyard, that we have a woman's conference every year in Arkansas. It's in the latter part of October, and some of the people here have been to it. It's called Arkansas Woman to Woman. And the guys in our group, which we have a bunch of guys in our group now, they're saying, well, that's a sexist conference, and we tell them if you're willing to go to Lesser Link, you can come.
But they all get bent out of shape over there. And so we decided, well, we could have the same kind of conference where our group could put it on, and we'd have it, and it would be called The Getaway. And so we're, let's see, week after next, we're going to The Getaway. So any time y'all want to come to our Rose City Getaway, it's the first weekend in February, and we have speakers, and we have lots of fun.
But that idea started in the backyard over at the house. And the neat thing about that was, to show you how much God loves me, that started, the idea was in May of 1990. Our first one was February of 1991. It was the night my mother passed away. And see, my mother had been in the nursing home. She had had repeated strokes, and she'd gotten to the point where she was a vegetable. And that's real hard, to go see somebody that has lost all human qualities.
You know, when you're like on a rotisserie, where they're having to change you every hour on the hour and turn you over, that's not much of a life. But I had been to see her on Christmas Eve, and every morning when I would go walk, after I would walk, I'd go down to the nursing home and see how Mother was. And she wasn't that bad from the beginning. It was a progressive thing, but it was, like I say, it was around Christmas, and we had ice and snow, and they were saying, everybody stay off the road.
Stay off the road, because, you know, nobody in the South knows how to drive on ice and snow. But I lived in Newfoundland five years. And so, anyway, I told my sister, I said, well, I'm going out to the nursing home. And she said, well, they're telling everybody. And I said, I don't care what they're telling everybody. I'm not everybody, and I want to go. Because Mother always said to me, I love to hear you play Christmas music.
She would tell me, the way she'd say it would be, let me hear my investment. You see, my mother wanted me to be a concert pianist. And I won all sorts of medals and awards, but I wouldn't go on and go into the profession because she wanted it so much. And I wouldn't do anything that she wanted so much. And that's so stupid. But so today I play for two reasons, my amusement and your amazement. Now, I go down there to the nursing home, and I've got my portable keyboard.
I'm taking it with me, and I set it up. And I also won the decorating the room contest, of course. You know how we are, you know. And when they said there was a decorations contest, I knew, you know, I mean, it was destined. I mean, you know, I mean, Mother's laying in there, so I didn't have anybody to bother anything, you know. So I got the room all pretty. And I'm sitting there playing, and the other patients are coming in, and they're listening because they love music.
They love any attention that they can have. There's so many people in the nursing home that don't have anybody that ever comes to see them. They're the forgotten people. So, you know, if you want to do something sometime, just go to spend some time and show somebody that they're worth something. But anyway, I was down there at the home, and I was playing, and the doctors had told us the only way Mother could communicate was through tears and said that if she could, if you were there and she was crying, you know, that she probably recognized you were there.
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She recognized your body. And so as I'm playing my keyboard that night, I look across, and Mama's keeping time with her hand, and the tears were rolling down her face. And there was my Christmas present. My mom knew I was there. And then, like I say, on the 1st of February, they came to me that night, the first night of the conference, and they said that there's a call and your mother had passed away.
And I thought, isn't that neat for God to put me surrounded by my love family, surrounded by my love family. You know, cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness, you know. Well, we're at the funeral home for visitation, and we had this really dippy woman there that was the funeral associate director, you know. And I don't know why, but you know when you're in strange situations like that, sometimes you get a little weird.
Well, this woman came over and she said, you know, the first thing people want to know is they'll say, do they look natural, do they look real. Have you ever seen my dad that looks real, you know, really, you know. And so then she said, and then the next thing, they look to see if the person's chest is moving. Why? You know, I'm thinking, you have really got a bunch of weird people coming in on this funeral home, you know.
And so I told Dorothy, I said, wasn't she weird? Dorothy said, yeah. Well, after visitation and after everybody had left, I looked at Dorothy and I said, I know how we would test to see if mother was dead. And she said, how? I said, come here. I went over there and I said, mama, say shit. This was the only bye word mother ever had. And she'd go, you know, that was it, you know. And I looked at her and I said, Dorothy, and she said, what?
I said, mama's dead. And we both got to laughing. And the woman out there thought we had freaked out. What are the principles of the program to you? The principles of mine are the things that are important to me. And they are honesty, love, dedication, freedom, happiness, joy, dignity, integrity, self-discipline, acceptance, surrender, hope, spirituality, faith, anonymity, humility, your list could go on and on.
Those are the principles I try to live by. And practice means you do them over and over and over and over and over. That's what practice is about. You don't ever achieve, you don't ever achieve perfection in those areas. And you know, practicing those principles, the relationship I have with JD today is such a different one than what I thought it would be. You know, JD, when he proposed to me many years ago, he said, come grow old with me.
Come grow old with me. And I told him last year, now what? You know, been there, we've done that, you know. But our relationship, we have had to work as a team more in the last couple of years than we ever had. And like I say, the beginning of that was the water garden. And you know, we find that we enjoy working together now. We compliment one another instead of competing with one another. Instead of managing control of one another, we're meshing together now.
And I found that where I have weakness, he has strength. Where I have strength, he has weakness. So when we go together, we make the whole thing. It works really well. I have friends all over the world. JD and I have more fun now. We have such a joy in life. We vacation with another program couple every year. And we've been doing this for years now. I sponsor her. And we went out to California. They're from California.
They come this way one year, we go that way the next. Sometimes we meet in the middle. You never know what with us. But they had this Winnebago. And that's the way I like to camp. It's a 38-foot Winnebago. And that's as rustic as I want to get. And I'm the cook. I love to cook. So I'm the cook. Neither her or her husband likes to cook. So they clean up. And so here we are. It's in Yosemite. We had been to Lake Tahoe.
We had just, we'd been driving all over and it was in early May. So there was still a lot of snow and the melt had come and the falls in Yosemite were just fabulous. Just fabulous that year. And so here we are parked along this babbling brook and the water's like ice, you know. And it's so nice and brisk with a little bit of snow here and there in the campground. And I'm in there just cooking away.
And I've decided we're going to have steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, tossed salad, and a homemade cherry cobbler. That's it. Going to have it. So I got everything fixed. Left the cobbler inside, went out and put it over the table, set the little picnic table out there in the campground. You know, we're going to eat outside tonight, you know, instead of in there in the thing. We're going to eat outside.