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Source: Lisa C – OAR 2023 Lisa C. – Overland, KS – Date Unknown.mp3 File: lisa-c-oar-2023-lisa-c-overland-ks-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:55:21
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Before I lead, I like to take some time to always, when I get to the conference, to just relax, and I ask God, you know, give me something that I can open up with. You know, I always like opening up with something good. And God always provides something. And it's usually funny and just makes me laugh. And everyone else laughs. Nothing came today. Oh, thanks. Nothing came. And I was like sitting on the patio, and I'm looking at the trees, and I'm seeing the birds soar. And it was just beautiful. And I'm still thinking. I'm not laughing.
And then I have, and I'm thinking, what am I going to say? What am I going to say? And I walk into the room, and I hadn't looked at the pamphlet yet of what was going to happen this weekend. And I happened to take it out, and I'm like, God, come on, give me something. And I saw that Betty was introducing me. And I started crying. And I said, that's it. Because Betty is the first person I called when I walked into, crawled into these rooms 18 years ago. I called Betty. Because I knew Betty worked in Al-Anon program. And I just, I knew of her. And I called her up. And she picked up. And she talked to me. And boy, she listened to me. And she said, woo! Woo! Woo! And I told her everything I had gone through. And she said, woo! And I said, thank you. Someone is feeling what I went through. She understands all he put me through. Someone's got it. Three years later in Al-Anon, that's not why she was saying woo. She was talking about me. She was thinking, woo! This woman. Woo!
So I am so grateful that she asked me to be her sponsor. That means everything to me. That just means that maybe, maybe I am working this program a little bit that someone's noticing. When I give my lead, God, I just hope. See, I hope you all get this out of my lead. And that's why I keep coming back. But I do. I hope that you hear just some gratitude. Because I am so grateful. I spoke here 13 years ago. And I was the Sunday speaker on hope. And boy, was I, I was so scared. And I remember thinking, I have hope and I want everyone to know I have hope that this program is going to work. I don't have hope today.
I know. I know this program works. I have seen it in me. I've seen it in my family. I've seen it in you. All you standing up, I remember, I remember she came in. I remember she came in. I've seen it in you because you share your experience, strength and hope with me. And I am so grateful to all of you for giving me a life today. It doesn't matter what happens in my life today. It's how I see it. And you gave me a new lens. And I am so grateful to all of you. And I just, I don't know what else to say about that.
I just know it works. And I hope that if you don't know yet, you're going to know. Just get on the ride, honey, because it gets so good. Life still happens. And it still throws shit my way. But today I know how to handle it. And I'm so grateful for that. I'm grateful for you guys asking me to come up here. And I'm going to be grateful when I'm done and I sit down. My name is Lisa C.. And I am a grateful member of Al-Anon. If any of you are wondering, I am no longer in Strongsville, Ohio, which your CD may say. And I am no longer
[00:05:03]
in Cypress, Texas. I currently live in Overland Park, Kansas. And I want you all to know that's because of Al-Anon. Al-Anon has allowed me to spread my wings and do things that I never imagined I would do. I'm going to tell you a little bit of what it was like, what brought me here, what I did when I got here, and what I continue to do today. My home group is in Middleburg Heights, Ohio. It's Expect a Miracle Tuesday night at 730. And I get a little confused because my other home group is Overland Park, Kansas. And that's the Harmony group. And that starts at 7 o'clock. It is actually on Zoom, which would be 8 o'clock your time.
It's a hybrid meeting. Meetings are so important to me because I get to see all of you. Zoom was great. And I'm not knocking Zoom. It's great. But there's so many things that happen in face-to-face meeting. When I come into town, my girls know. Week before, I send out a text, who's going to dinner? There's nine of us on that text. Who's coming? And then they all respond. And we meet before the meeting at 530. We have dinner. And then we go to the meeting. And then we talk after the meeting. I can't get that on Zoom. And there's nothing wrong with Zoom. You got to do what you got to do. It's better than nothing. But I need my people. I need to see you.
I need to hear my sponsors' laughter when I walk into that church down the hall. You know, I need to see Chalene doing some crazy stuff in that meeting. I need to be with my girls. I need to see them. I need to touch them. I need to hug them. So what brought me here? Well, I grew up in a household with two alcoholic parents. And they use other substances. So I do qualify to be in this program. Growing up, I'm going to give you just briefly what it was like and the characteristics that I developed from growing up in that home. It was crazy. But it was a lot of fun in a kind of weird, you know, crazy kind of way. You never knew what was going to happen. But it was always exciting in a scary kind of way. So I have a younger brother. He's four years younger than me.
I pretty much raised him. It's funny. My mom said the other day, she calls him my son sometimes, she forgets. And it's usually when he's doing something wrong, man, your son. I go, mom, that's your son. Well, you raised him. And by the way, you didn't do a great job. I said, well, mom, I was five. Did the best I could. So I did. I raised my brother. There was just, you know, growing up in that household, there was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of arguing, a lot of drama. And I just remember the fighting. And I learned some things growing up in that home with that fighting and the chaos. I learned that I would kind of disassociate in a sense. I would think of what it was going to be like when I got married. See, when I got married, I was not going to argue with my husband. Because I didn't like when my mom argued with my dad. I didn't like that. I'd think, why does she have to always be on him? You know, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be different. And my dad was in and out. He would seek outside the marriage. So my mom would kick him out. I remember coming home on the school bus, I would see my father's clothes displayed on the lawn. You know, she couldn't put them in a bag. She had to display them on the lawn. So I'd get off the bus, and I'd grab the clothes, and I'd stick them in the bag, and I'd bring them inside. And that's just how it was. You know, for me, I learned how there would be chaos, fix it, don't feel. You know, chaos, don't feel, fix it. Chaos, don't feel, fix it.
It was just kind of the thing I'd do. And you know, before Eleanor, that's what I did. I called it my Superman cape. I was coming. You know, anything wrong, I'm there for you. You know, and so those are some of the things I learned. It was just do. You know, do. Fix it. Make it
[00:10:02]
better. My dad would, like I said, was in and out. Sometimes he wouldn't show for visitation. So I learned, you know, not to trust everything. You know, the broken promises. I learned not to trust what I saw. You know, when you say to your parents, you drink too much. No, I don't. Oh, okay, maybe you don't. When you say to their friends, mom drinks too much, dad, you know, he smokes that wacky tobacco too much. Well, no, they don't. Well, of course not, because they're drinking and you're smoking it, too. And so, you know, I would always question what I saw. So I grew up depending on you to decide what I saw. You became, what you saw became my reality. I stopped trusting, I didn't ever trust me. You know, I never trusted my gut. I also learned growing up in that home that I'm not enough. I'm not enough to keep them sober. I'm not enough to keep them together. I'm just not enough.
My dad and mom, you know, like I said, it was very chaotic. And my mom ended up divorcing my dad. So we would see my dad on the weekends. And so I'm probably, I'm around the age of seven. And we went to visit my dad on the weekends. We had a camper. It was at Clay's Park. And people would tell my mom, you know, you really shouldn't let the kids go with John. You know, John's going to be, that's my dad, he's going to be high. And who knows what will happen.
You know, they could drown. They can get hurt. And part of my mom's story is, you know, she had to do what she needed to do on the weekends. And that was her time to herself. She liked to drink on the weekends. So it was a relief for her for us to be with my dad. And she's aware of this, because it's her story. So we would go with my dad on the weekends. And there was one weekend when I went with my father. We were in the camper. And several weeks earlier, there was a leak in the propane system, in the toilet. So he had to unhook the propane cap. And he forgot, the plumber we hired, who was also an alcoholic, forgot to put the cap back on.
So one day when we were cooking, it was raining outside. So we had to have all the doors closed. And the gas started building up in the camper. And the camper exploded. So my brother and my father and I, my brother was three at the time. I was seven. We were rushed to a hospital to deal with our burns. My brother and I were blind for a week. And then I was transferred then to Metro Hospital, where I spent two months in there getting grafting and having some surgeries.
And I tell you all this because, one, I think it's a result of the disease of alcoholism. And also because all my life, I thought that's what my problem was. I thought I was insecure. And I thought that I didn't trust things in life because of that explosion. I learned in Al-Anon, it had nothing to do with that. It was a disease of alcoholism and growing in that home. Sure, I'm sure the scarring and the burns had part of that. But no, because you all can relate to me. I hear it in your stories.
And that's why this disease is just so cunning, baffling, and powerful, not just for the alcoholic, but for us as well. So I get out of Metro Hospital. And my mom can't handle taking care of us because it was a lot, the bathings and the creams and the masks and all the garments we had to wear. So she asked my dad to move back in. So my dad moves back in. And things are still going the way they're going. My mom will tell you in her lead that now she had a reason to drink.
Now she had a reason to drink because of the guilt that she felt and the pain. So we're just going along. And we end up moving to Olmstead Falls. We used to live in Westlake. Then we moved to Olmstead Falls because we're going to try that geographical cure. Let's try another city and see if things get better. So we moved to Olmstead Falls. And I'm still trying to be this perfect person because I'm thinking in my mind, if I'm perfect, everything's going to be okay. And so I would just try really hard. If I got Try really hard.
If I got, you know, I tried to get that A.
[00:15:01]
And if I got an A, well, when you put that paper down, why didn't you say, good job, Lisa? And if you said, good job, Lisa, why didn't I get a sticker? I want a sticker. So it was always trying to be better. I always wanted to be better. The problem is, is you can't. I always fell short. The thing is, is I also expected the same from you. And I'm not proud of that, but I expected you to be perfect as well.
And when you fell short, I couldn't trust you. And I couldn't have a relationship with you. So you're not meeting my expectations. And the sad thing is, is I'm not meeting my own expectations. And this is the craziness that's going on in my head all these years. And I have no idea. To me, it's just normal. So one day, my mom decides that she's going to have an intervention from my father, because he's the problem.
So we have an intervention from my father. I'm probably at that age. I'm about 11 years old. And I got to tell you, that was probably the scariest thing I've ever done. Because I've never wanted to confront my father, because I was always afraid he wouldn't be there. So I didn't want to confront him or ever say anything bad, because my mom was the constant in my life. So we had this intervention from my dad.
I'd like to say that I said some things that made him want to go to treatment, but it didn't. What made him go to treatment was my mom was going to call his job. So my dad decides to go to treatment. He ends up going in Toledo. And I am thrilled. I am so thrilled. My father is going to treatment. Things are going to be different. Everything's going to be so much better. Mom's all excited. We're writing letters to him.
We're drawing pictures. We're sending it. We're just so excited. So mom drives me to ballet one day. I get in the car. And as we're driving, she said, Lisa, I just want you to know, your father left treatment with a female volunteer driver. And they don't know where he is. Have a good time at ballet. I'll be back in three hours to pick you up. And I went, OK. I get out of the car. Because again, chaos, don't feel, fix it.
Well, my dad ended up coming back to treatment. Obviously, she didn't want him either. So he comes back to treatment. And he comes home. And he starts going to meetings. And I am in seventh heaven. Mom's going to meetings with him to support him. And then she starts going to Al-Anon for her. But she's still doing her thing. And I'm going to AA meetings. And I'm an honorary AA member. I got my can of pop.
I got my raffle ticket. And I am just so happy. Things are different in the house. So I'm doing this with them. And throughout this process, and part of my mom's story is she went to a meeting. And she looked at the woman next to her and said, in AA, this is so good to be here. And she's like, why, Tony? You're not an alcoholic. Oh, I know. It just feels so good to be here. And I guess the woman looked at her.
And I guess she was a tall biker woman. And said, please, you're a piss poor drunk like me. And you're going to start going to meetings. And you're coming with me tomorrow. I am picking you up. And that is her story. I think it was on your forehead, though. So that's her story. And she started going to AA. And so now, they're both going to AA. And I'm just so happy. Well, my mom decides to marry my dad again.
So she decides to marry my dad again. And it's funny, because I was at that wedding. And I found out just a few years ago, I was at the first one, too. So I was at both weddings. And you know what? I consider myself somewhat intelligent. But I was about 36 years old before I did the math and figured out that. It never occurred to me. Yeah. But anyway, so they get remarried. And I think things are good.
So they're doing their thing. And about 10 months into the marriage, my dad decides to stop going to meetings. And we are introduced to the dry drunk. And I got to tell you something.
[00:20:02]
Woo! I got something from Betty. That was not fun. And it was not fun living in that household again. And there's no alcohol there. But the disease of alcoholism is running rapid in our household. And you know what? And I tell you also about the dry drunk, because I thought I would recognize that in my own marriage. And I didn't. So my dad's on this dry drunk. After some time, my mom finally looks at me and says, because I'm the adult in the family, what should I do with your dad, man?
I don't know what to do with your dad. Kick him out. OK. So she kicks him out. And I never in my life thought I would say that. Because all this little girl ever wanted was her parents to be together. That's all I ever wanted. But I couldn't do it anymore. We couldn't live that way anymore. So through this process, well, that's my Allotine lead. Done. Now I'm going on to my Al-Anon lead. So I come up with this great idea, growing up in this household and living through this.
I have a great idea. I am going to be a counselor. Because I've been so in tune with what's going on with all of you. And I've been so able to tell you what you feel and what you should do. I mean, I don't know what I should do or feel. But I know what you should do. And I'm actually kind of good at it. I want to become a counselor and get paid. Why not? So I decide I'm going to be a counselor. I go to college to become a counselor.
And I got another idea. I'm going to marry someone in AA. So as I'm going to meetings and going to school, because I'm not going to Al-Anon. I don't need Al-Anon. I did a little bit of that ACOA. I did a little bit of that CODA thing. But it wasn't for me. So I'm going to go to AA. And I'm going to find me a husband there. Because then I won't have to deal with the disease of alcoholism. Right? Doesn't it make sense?
So I'm searching for you. I'm searching for him. And guess what? They have these four things that I love in AA. The four absolutes. Honesty, unselfishness, purity, and love. What more can you ask for in a man? I'm going to get a man that's honest, unselfish, pure, and loving. I have this plan. So I'm looking and I'm looking. So I end up going to Baldwin Wallace. And my senior year, I decide to do a seminar in Europe.
So I'm in Europe for six weeks. I call my mother from a phone booth, if some of you know what a phone booth is. I'm in Paris. I call my mother from a phone booth. And I was like, hey, mom, what's going on? Lisa, because at this time, she is running a treatment center at Glen Bay Hospital. And she said, Lisa, guess what? One of my patients saw your picture in my office. And he thinks you're kind of cute.
When you get back, maybe you can meet him. I'm like, OK, mom. And I want you all to know something. Moving forward, this lead is really sick. So I'm thinking, OK, mom's trying to hook me up with her patient with about two weeks of sobriety. Doesn't sound real good, but OK. So I come home and I meet Bob. Bob is my alcohol. We call it, I guess in Kansas, my qualifier. Bob is my qualifier. So I come home and I meet Bob.
And I've got to tell you something. We went on a one date. And I really didn't care for Bob. He was kind of nice. And he wanted to walk in the park. And he wanted to hold my hand. And I thought, nah, I'm not feeling this guy. I'm just not feeling him. I'm not attracted to him. So fast forward a couple months. So he calls me up.
[00:25:00]
Actually, he calls me up and I kind of blow him off. And he had a few words for me, I'm sure, in his mind. But a couple months later, I see him at a concert. And I see him across the way. And he's got on these jeans. And back in the day, jeans were tight. And I'd like to tell you that it was his personality that I saw. But it wasn't. I saw his jeans. And so I was actually with someone else. So I walk up to him.
And he's at the ticket counter. And I walk up to him. Because he's going to be so glad to see Lisa. So happy to see me. I walk up and I go, tsk, tsk, tsk. He turns around. I go, hey, Bob. How you doing? He goes, hey. And turns around. I don't know about you all, but that's hot. I was like, whoo. I didn't even, and we didn't have cell phones back then. I had to go to a pay phone and call my mom. And I was like, mom, you need to call your boyfriend, who is Bob's sponsor.
I know. Which says a lot about her, doesn't it? Uh-huh. And you need to tell your boyfriend that Bob and I need to maybe set something up. So we went to Cook's Forest together. Why not? Second date. Why were we in the same room? So anyway, we had a good time. I'm not sure we made it to any meetings, but it doesn't matter. And guess what? That night, that day, Bob and I were off and running. My god, we were off and running.
And I think we saw each other every single day for the next three years, because he was knocking it out of my sight. Because I'm going to do different. I'm going to do different than my parents. I'm going to make this work, because I have the formula to a perfect marriage. I know how this is going to work. And I needed to tell Bob how this was going to work. I said, listen here, Bobby. And by now, he's got at least 60 days, give or take.
Who's counting? So I say, listen, Bob, this is how it's going to go. I want you to know, because I have the formula to a perfect relationship and marriage. We are going to date a year. We're going to live together a year. We're going to be engaged a year. We're going to get married. We're going to wait a year. I'm going to get pregnant. And then we're going to have children. Of course, with his six months, he's like, you OK?
It's always good to me. He didn't know. Poor guy didn't even know what he had for lunch. He didn't know. He was just kind of making it. So he's like, all right. And that's what we did. I met him in 92. We lived together in 93. We got engaged in 94. I got married in 95. I got pregnant in 96. We had children in 97. The sad thing was I really thought that was going to work. I did. I thought that was enough.
See, because I need a plan, because life has life, I needed a safety net. I needed a guarantee that I was going to be OK and everything was going to be OK. I wanted a guarantee. I did not want life throwing me anything I wasn't prepared for. I've spent my whole life playing chess. You won't even play chess with me today, because it takes too long. I am six moves ahead. And then I'm eight moves ahead.
And then I'm 10. I don't even like playing with myself, with the thoughts. It's just crazy. Because I want to make sure you don't take my king. And I'm going to do everything in my power that you don't take my king. So I've got to plan everything. And I'm going to be the perfect mom. And I'm going to be the perfect wife. And I expected that of you as well. So you called me up in the morning. And you'd say to me, so Lisa, what'd you do today?
And I'd call you up. Hey, what'd you do today? Well, I don't know about you, but I've washed the floor. I've fed the kids. I've dressed them. I went to a PT. PTA. I went to a Mommy and Me group and I made banana bread and dinner's ready for tonight
[00:30:06]
and it's 10 o'clock. What did you do? And I was so, God, I was so judgmental. And the problem was I was so unhappy. But I didn't know it. I had no idea I was unhappy. I thought, this is good. I got this. I'm on top of this. So my husband is in, he's going to AA and then all of a sudden he stopped going. I think he had maybe nine years and he stopped going to meetings and I was introduced to the dry drunk. And I'm unaware of this. I didn't know.
How did I not know? I didn't know. And I'm a counselor in a treatment center. And I have no idea what's going on in my home because there's no alcohol in there. My kids have never, I have twin boys, they have never seen either of us consume any type of mind altering substance. I had no idea. But the disease of alcoholism was running rampant in our house. It was. When I got married, it was me, Bobby, the priest and the disease of alcoholism at that altar. Because all my life I built my life on cardboard boxes and they were just waiting to tumble. So I'm in this marriage and he stops going to meetings and I start lying for him. Mom's saying to me, so is Bobby going to meetings? Yes. Yeah, Bobby's going to meetings. Is Bobby talking to a sponsor? Oh, yes. Bobby's talking to a sponsor. Bobby don't even have a sponsor. Bobby's talking to a sponsor. One day Bobby said, yeah, Vic's my sponsor. I said, oh, Vic's your sponsor. Great sponsor. Vic is really, he works a great program. Vic. So we ended up going to this dance, a 12 step dance and Vic was there.
Well, guess what? My husband had to introduce himself to Vic as well as me. And I got to tell you, I heard, I led a conference and Vic was in the audience and I apologized to him because I said, Vic, I'm sorry. I thought you sucked. I really did. I'm like, Vic's not that good of a sponsor. So I'm lying and I'm getting sick. I'm getting sicker being in this household and the angrier I was getting, the angrier he was getting. And the more resentment I was getting, the more resentful he was getting. Because listen, none of us, we're not talking.
Because one, I'm not going to yell and scream and I'm not going to confront my husband because I learned not to do that. So I'm not talking, he's not talking and things are, they're just not good in the household. And I'm lying to everybody about it. But you would never know. One day in October of 2004, I remember I was getting the boys ready for bed and there was a phone call and my husband came upstairs and I don't know why I had a feeling this is not good. I thought this is not good. So my husband comes upstairs, he said, listen, there's someone on the phone and I don't want you to listen to them. And I knew. So I went downstairs and I got on the phone and this man was crying and he said, oh my God, Lisa, I just want you to know my wife has been seeing your husband for the last couple months and I thought you should know. Again, chaos, don't feel, fix it. I said to him, it's going to be okay. I'm a marriage counselor and we're going to get through this. I know this man probably went. I would like to say I remained calm after that phone call, but the flood gates came out because now I'm really not enough. I'm not enough to save my marriage and for this marriage. Now it's really being reinforced and my husband prayed for silence after that night because I was on a rampage. I was ready and he was going to hear everything that I felt. And I remember he was devastated as well and don't think I let him off the hook. I didn't. For years I didn't, which I'm not proud of, but he was devastated. So we were both pretty much in the fetal position, both devastated. And my mom came and she brought Jack. I've been asking my husband to make Jack his sponsor for years. Hey, what about
[00:35:02]
Jack? What about Jack? Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack would be a great sponsor. Wouldn't he be a great sponsor? He'd be a great sponsor. How about Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack? Well, Jack came and my husband then went to a meeting with Jack. So he started going to meetings and I was just, I didn't know what else to do. And I talk about the infidelity because Betty always said, infidelity and alcoholism go hand in hand. That helped me because maybe it wasn't about me, you know? And you don't even have to be drinking for that to happen.
I heard a lead, my story, and their marriage ended up working out and there was no alcohol in the home and it happened to her. Hopefully, that's why I tell people because I don't want you to think poorly of me. I don't want people to know, but I got to tell people because just maybe it happened to you and you'll know it's not about you. And that's what brought me here because I'm going to tell you something. If my husband drank, we'd be at an AA meeting tonight because I don't need Al-Anon. I would be there to support him. So I went to my first meeting and Esther was there and Esther greeted me just like she greeted mom when she went in and thank you for all you people that stood up with all that time because if you did not stay in these rooms, who would have been there for me? Could you imagine a bunch of newcomers in a room? We'd all, I mean, no way. I need you all to stay. I need to stay now because I have to give back what was so freely given to me and I'm not going to take what I like and leave the rest. I'm just not. So I go to my meeting and I say to Esther, Esther, I've been around. So give me all these books because I need to start my fourth step tonight. Oh, yeah, you think I'm kidding. So she goes, she was so sweet because she, I know, she told me later on, you are such a smart ass. So Esther goes, honey, you just need this How Al-Anon Works book. And I'm thinking, Esther does not know where I've been. But I take the book and I also take the, you know, the blue print because I'm going to start, you know, I actually took the, because I'm working in a treatment center so I take the four step inventory that we give the clients. I'm like, I'll do that.
So again, not good. So I said, I go to my home and I start my fourth step and boy, I start on anger because it makes sense. So that was a bad night. And I remember chasing him around and I thought, okay, I need to go back. Let me go to this How Al-Anon Works and start figuring out how this works. So I go back and I get myself a sponsor and I get the sponsor and I say to her, okay, my sponsor at that time was Barb and I say, Barb, how many meetings do I need to go to? Because, you know, I need the rules. Give me the rules.
Tell me, come on, what do I need to do? How many meetings do I need to go to? Ninety and ninety days? Like every day? What are you thinking? She goes, when you need them. I need them? I said, all right. You want me to call you every day? Because I hear you're supposed to call every day. No, call me when you want to talk. Okay, I got to figure out when I want to talk. And I said, when do I work on the fourth step? She said, after the third. Interesting, okay. I needed to figure out how I feel, what I think, what I need. See, I wanted the rules. I think that's the difference between AA and Al-Anon. Maybe they need that structure. I had so much structure in my life. I didn't need that structure.
I needed to figure out what do I need and what do I feel. Now, she is right. I am a stickler with those steps. I am. You know, I am because I know they work. And our books tell us the study of these steps is essential to progress in this program. The study doesn't say maybe. It is essential. I have to do this if I want what you have. So, I started doing this. And another thing my sponsor did that was huge is she said to me, I said, what do I do, Barb? Do I divorce him? Do I leave him? She said, Lisa, why don't you give it
[00:40:00]
six months? Give Al-Anon six months before you decide. And I thought, okay, I will. So, I put in my calendar. You know, I did. I put in six months. And you know what? In six months, I said, Barb, what do I do? She said, Lisa, why don't you give it six more months? Are you feeling a little better? I said, yeah, a little bit. Six more months. And after that, I knew this is salvageable. We can make this work. And then after the year, Esther asked me to be secretary. Oh, man, now I got to really stay. I got a whole year of commitment here. And after the year of commitment, they asked me to be treasurer, which was two years.
But I needed that. Because, you know, when I make a commitment, I'm going to stick to it. But that gave me, I had to stay. And that gave me so much. And I got to tell you something. Being secretary and being treasurer meant more to me than being lead faculty of the social science department of a university. That's nothing. And I only did that because of Al-Anon. It's the only reason I went for that job. Because I didn't think I was enough.
It was because of Frank and Candy. That Thursday night meeting, they told me I could do it. We did, Candy. And I did it. So anyway, things at my house are a little crazy. Oh, well, first I want to tell you, I get a lot of crap from AAs. I called up Jack. And I told Jack, hey, Jack, guess what? They asked me to be secretary at the meeting. And he said, well, heck, yeah, they did, Lisa. Every sick person they make secretary. Wow. Some people just have a way of bringing me back down to earth. Those AAs have a way of doing that. But guess what? When they have a newcomer and they need their wife hooked up in Al-Anon, guess who they call? Boy, that means a lot. Oh, God, I can't tell you how much that means to me.
So anyway, things at my house, they're getting better. But they're still not great. Because I'm not doing, I'm still engaging in these behaviors. I'm going to meetings. And I got to tell you, I'm in for about three, four years now. And I'm still having moments. And my moments, I don't know about you, but my moments happen at about four in the morning, where it just seems really important and we need to talk about it. So four in the morning, I don't know about you, but how important is it? It's pretty damn important at four.
So I say to my husband, we need to talk. And in his defense, he's been dealing with this for about three, four years now. And guess what? Jack tells him he doesn't have to talk to me anymore at four in the morning. And I'm not really happy with Jack right now. So I say to my husband, oh, really? So I said, we need to talk. He goes, Jack says I don't have to talk to you anymore. I'm going to bed. And I'm like, oh, are you? Hmm. Hmm.
This is his head. Really, are you, Bob? Bob, Bob, Bob. You going to bed? You going to bed? Can you hear me, Bob? Bob, Bob, Bob. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Hmm, hmm. Jack said you don't have to listen to me anymore. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Bob, Bob. You sleeping? You sleeping? You sleeping? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. Okay, I have enough time in Al-Anon to know Esther would not be happy about this. Not approved. So I finally go to my, because I am, I'm sorry, I am a little manipulative.
I am, I know that. So I go to, oh, my God, you're making me crazy. Look at me. I'm going crazy. How you do this to me? And he is not responding. And now I feel stupid. And I get out of bed, because I'm going to go on the couch then. I'm going to raise it a little bit more. And I'm going to go on the couch. So I grab my pillow, I grab my blanket, and I'm going on the couch. So I go downstairs, I get on the couch, and I don't hear the footsteps.
And I'm cold. Feeling stupid. So I go, I don't know if you guys have ever done this. I'm sure you have. I decide to go back into the bed, but I don't want to wake him, because I don't want him to know I'm coming back in the bed. So I get down, and I slide into the bed. And then I wake up the next morning, and I go to my meeting, and I tell on myself. I go to my meeting and I tell on myself, and I say, I slipped, I did, and I need to stop doing this.
[00:45:03]
So I started, you know, going to these meetings, working this program, really working those steps, not working them hard, but working them. And that's why I'm a stickler on those steps. Now I'm starting, you know, I don't know about you guys, but I have a committee, constant. Not today. It's quiet today. What I had to do was I had to replace those thoughts. I couldn't just stop them. I had to replace them with those slogans.
God, there's a reason why the slogans are only like two to three words. That's enough. I got enough going on in here. I don't need to sit there and talk to myself. Shalene says all the time, and I love it, why would I try to solve the problem with the brain that created it? Amazing. Profound. And that's the truth. I don't have to do that today. I had these slogans. I was like a walking slogan. One day at a time.
Keep it simple. This too shall pass. Let go and let God. The other thing I did was I memorized the 12 steps. Try that. Memorize the 12 steps in order, word for word. When you say that, you forget what you're actually thinking. It's hard. I get to like step five and then go, oh, man, what was I thinking? I want to think about it again. So instead, on my way to work was always the hardest. I made the 12 steps into just a little prayer for me.
And what I would say on that road is, God, I admit I am powerless over people, places and things. And when I try to change them, it makes my life unmanageable. I believe you can restore me to sanity if I turn my will and my life over to the care of you. Please guide my thoughts, my words and my actions so my behavior is appropriate. Please help me remove these defects of character and shortcomings.
I will continue to improve my conscious contact with you. Oh, God, I just skipped the whole thing. I would just say, you know, please help me remove my defects of character and my shortcomings. Please help me make amends promptly. Please help me carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all my affairs. You know, I would just say that prayer over and over again and that I'd forget what I was thinking.
And that's what I had to keep doing was substituting that. Service work was huge for me. You know, being active in my home group, getting to conferences, getting to meetings. Meetings are so important. My sponsor, Cynthia, always tells me whenever I call her, meetings, meetings, meetings, Lisa. Whenever I have a problem, call her, meetings, meetings, meetings. Yeah, I guess I can be a little tough on the people I sponsor, but my sponsor is tough on me too.
You know, I'll call her up and I'll tell her something and she'll always say, well, Lisa, this is what you need to do. And I'll have to repeat again because I don't think she heard me the first time. And I'll tell the story all over again and she'll say, Lisa, I heard you the first time. This is what you need to do. And that's the thing. She taught me how to put away that magnifying glass and bring out that mirror.
The people I sponsor today say to me, why is it always about me? Why does it always have to be about me? I said, thank God it's about you because that's the only person we can change. Thank God it's about me today. That's the freedom. It's about me and I can change me. You guys gave me a new perspective. You know, I don't like what brought me in here, but thank God I'm here. I am so glad to be here.
The way I see life today is different. The way I handle situations is different. Life has happened with me and Al-Anon. You know, life is going to continue to happen, but it's all good because I trust me today. I don't have to trust you. I need to trust me that I'm going to be okay. We always talked about guidance. Guidance is God, you and I dance. I got a God today and that's what keeps me going. Things have happened in my life.
My mom's had stomach cancer. She has lymphoma. My son, I thought he might have had cancer in his urethra. The doctor said he had never seen anything like it before and that it could be cancer and he might have to go through radiation. I went 10 days not knowing, but I was okay those 10 days. It ended up being a benign tumor that the doctor had never seen in his life. He's like 80 years old. He's never seen it.
He was just fine. Things happen in Al-Anon. I was diagnosed with lymphoma last year.
[00:50:01]
Now I've been undiagnosed. I don't know how that happened. Oh, what did I say? You have lymphoma. I had lupus. Sorry. I was diagnosed with lupus two and a half years ago. I went to Kansas to find a new rheumatologist. She said, you don't have lupus. I said, but I'm on medicine for lupus. She said, you don't have it. I said, wow, is that possible? But I changed my life. I changed the way I eat. I changed the way I exercise.
I changed the way I think. And it's because of Al-Anon. I know, does it work for everyone? Maybe not. Maybe I didn't have it. I don't care. But I was able to get through that. No big deal. That's because of this program. Some of the things that I have gotten from Al-Anon is perspective. It puts my problems in their true perspective, so they no longer dominate my life. I've gotten contentment and happiness, whether the alcohol is drinking or not.
I mind my own business today, and if I don't, my sponsor reminds me to mind my own business. You know, I walked into my son's apartment the other day, his condo, and they have a bar set up, him and his girlfriend, a little bar. I walked right by, got my bottle of water, none of my business. And that's OK, because guess what? He knows where he can come if he needs to. Does he have a problem? I don't know.
It's none of my business. But he knows where he can come. I don't take things personally. I keep the focus on myself. I have choices and tools to work with. I found balance today, not all or nothing thinking. You loved me until I could love myself. I found peace of mind and serenity. I have a relationship with the God of my understanding. I got my family and myself back. I'm the person I was always meant to be.
I have support and courage, and I step out of my box. I have done things. I moved from Ohio to Texas to Kansas in the last three years during a pandemic, flying back and forth every two years to Ohio. Lisa don't do that. But she did with Al-Anon. You know, I can be away from my husband today. I never would be away from him. I can be away and be OK with it because I trust me today. And that's why I trust him.
And I'm going to be OK no matter what happens because I got you all. You know, I got maturity. I have a balance between intellect and emotion so my behavior's appropriate. You gave me a life. You gave me laughter and joy like I have never known. I didn't laugh when I came into this program. To bring you just quickly up to date, I go to meetings. My boys, one's in med school in Kansas City living with us.
The other one, I have twin boys. By the way, they're 26. The other one is at Case Western Reserve in the master's program in nursing. God, am I grateful. God, I'm so grateful. How lucky am I? My marriage, I'm celebrating 28 years of marriage in a couple weeks. Betty always says Al-Anon doesn't save all marriages. That's true. But guess what? If they're both working a program, it gives it at least a little bit of a chance.
He goes to meetings today. He's going to celebrate. He has 31 years. My mom has 41 years. And I'll have 19 years November 21st this year. I came in in 2004. I didn't come here to stay. I didn't. I came here for you guys that let me know what to do, because I had nowhere else to go. So things are good today. Here's a few coupons I have. I came to Al-Anon to change and make the alcoholic better. But through the process, I began wanting to change myself and make myself better.
I love this in our books. You get to a point where your demons, which are terrifying, get smaller and smaller, and you get bigger and bigger. The play set, I also like Al-Anon gave me a relationship with my higher power, freedom from myself, coping skills, contentment, and peace. And I learned I can only breathe for myself. God gave me that mask. We talk about that oxygen mask that drops. I got to put it on myself first.
God provided me with that mask. You guys provide me with the straps to keep that mask together. And Al-Anon provides me with the oxygen. I need all three.
[00:55:00]
And I'm so grateful for all of you. Thank you. Thank you.