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Source: Lisa C – 12 Step Serenity Weekend 2023 Step Ten – Date Unknown.mp3 File: lisa-c-12-step-serenity-weekend-2023-step-ten-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:14:12
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And I'm just gonna put this at your table so you don't have to remember. Hi, my name is Lisa C. and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon. I want to thank DeeDee and everyone for asking me to talk on Step 10. I happen to be in town this week so it worked out perfectly. I'm actually, my home group is Expect a Miracle at Bethel Church in Middleburg Heights on Tuesday nights at 730 and my other home group is in Overland Park, Kansas and that is Harmony AFG on Tuesday nights at 7 o'clock. So if you're ever in Kansas, come visit me. So yes, I've moved twice in the pandemic, Houston and Kansas. So thank you Al-Anon. I keep adding more and more the older I get because I can't see and now I'm having internal summers. So this is my fan. It's either this or I take my clothes off, I'm naked up here. So I apologize. Some of you may like that, you alcoholics, double winners, but I'm joking. Focus.
All right, I love that I have Step 10. When I got into Al-Anon November 21st of 2004, I told my poor group that had to hear me, I worked 1, 2, and 3 in that first meeting and then I worked on 4 that night. I started with anger and it was a bad night. And I went to my meeting, I told my group, I told Esther, she didn't know how fast I'm a quick learner. She didn't realize how quick I was so she told me, why don't you slow down a little bit? Why don't you start with Step 1 again? Because obviously you are not powerless over alcohol. So 1, 2, and 3 took a little time but then when I got to, not long, maybe about a year or so, I was on the program with Chalene. And then at around, I started my fourth step. I'm not going to go into that great, but I just want you to know is the fourth and fifth step taught me why I do what I do and why I think what I think. And that was a huge foundation for me. I needed to know, why do I do what I do? Why do I think what I think? Where did that come from? Where did those beliefs come from? They worked in the alcoholic home, they helped me survive, but they're no longer working today. I don't want to survive today, I want to live.
So I wanted to do that step perfectly because of course that's my character defect. Perfect. And I feared that I wouldn't get it right. That's my other chief character defect. What I love about Step 10 is I continue to take a personal inventory. I don't have to do four and five perfectly because I got 10 as my backup. I never want to do a four and five again on 35 years. If I look at myself every single day, what part did I play in this? And it may be no part. And when it's no part, I call my sponsor and I find out I did play a part. So I continue every day to just look through my day, even through the moments. Whenever I lose my serenity, my sanity, and my peace, I know there's a character defect behind that. And which one is it? Most of the time it's fear, it's hurt. And I want to tell you, I haven't even looked at my notes, isn't that great because I can't see them anyway. I was working on my Step 10, I've been working on it for a couple weeks, I put it away. Last night it's like 12 o'clock at night and I start writing. And I'm writing, no, I don't like that. No, I don't like that. No, that just makes no sense. Oh my God, what's going on? Finally, after an hour and a half, I said, why don't you take a personal inventory, Lisa? What's going on with you right now? Because you are not serene, peaceful, and calm.
Well, I want them to like me. That's your ego, Lisa. Not everyone needs to like you. But I want it to be perfect. That's your perfectionism, Lisa. I don't want to make a mistake. Lisa, you're not a mistake. But you can make a mistake today. This is what's going on in my head all the time. I have to always look at why do I do what I do? What is going on with me? I have to process that because I want to like me. I want to be okay with me today. And people I sponsor always go, why is it always about me, Lisa? Why do you always make it about me?
Me. Well, I'm making it about you because we're the only ones we can change. If you don't like the person, don't be around the person anymore.
[00:05:00]
You have a choice. Or accept them for who they are and change you. When I change my perspective, I change my world. The steps are everything to me. They just are. The meetings are great. The fellowship is awesome. But the steps are priceless. You know, I can go to meetings. I can read the books. I can do the slogans. Those are all, they help me live with you. The steps help me live with me. And that's what's really important to me today. I've got to like me.
I'm so grateful I'm doing Step 10 because that's my goal. I talked to my sponsor. My goal today is to keep looking at myself. You know, how can I get better? And I'm going to tell you, my god has a sense of humor because every time I have a character defect, I start having a hot flash. It's like a cute, cute, was that a cough? Oh, she's supposed to tell me at ten minutes she's supposed to cough. Oh. So yeah, I start having a hot flash whenever I have a character defect. So now I can kind of tell God's like, I've got to give you something.
So you're aware. So, you know, taking a personal inventory is really, really important for me. And if I do that daily, I keep my, I love what someone said, I keep my side of the street clean. I do. I love this. I have different words for this step. Keep it up step. Like you said, Shaleen, I don't want to, I do visit those steps again and again when I sponsor people. You know, I work through those steps again with them. But 10, 11, and 12 is what I'm working on today. I want to keep this up. I am not going back because I didn't like me back then. I didn't like you back then. And I love you all today. It's the keep the focus on me step. It's the what part did I play step? It's the row gets narrower step. I know better. I do. I was telling my sponsor the other day, I walked into that gorilla cage and I knew I was going to get bit. I, I, and I poked the gorilla first just to see if it's still a gorilla. Yeah, it is. You know, I walked down that street every day and I see the hole. I see, you know, that poem, I see the hole. I could have walked down a different street, but I'm aware today. I see the hole, I jump in it. Holy shit, I'm in it.
I'm sorry. I should have said shit. And I know when I'm in the hole today. And sometimes I don't even walk down that street. So I can even see progress in myself today. You know, that thing, I can take an inventory today and see, sometimes I talk and I think, who's talking? When I do something assertive, I'm like, wow, who is that? That's us. Keep, keep going. And then sometimes I say some ugly stuff still. And I think you know better. You know better than doing that.
It's the I know better today step. It's the keep my side of the street clean step. And it's the bless them, change me step. And that's the part I, you know, I keep working on. The second part of the step I love. And when we were wrong, promptly admit it. I have this side that says, I may be possibly, there's a good possibility that I could maybe be wrong. And that's where I run it through this. Okay, Lisa, if that's possible, what's going on? Well, you know, I'm feeling hurt today. Well, why is that? Well, that's because, you know, my dad wasn't always there and didn't treat me that way. So when he doesn't do the dishes, that kind of pisses me off and he doesn't respect me and love me. Where do dirty dishes equal that? But when I go there, I down spiral. So then if I say, well, is there a possibility I played a part in that? Well, yeah, there kind of is. I shouldn't have said that. Well, maybe, it's like a logarithm. Well, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. And then I promptly make amends. I have to promptly make amends because I'm not living with guilt and shame. I don't want to do an eight and nine again. Now I actually pause and think. I have a filter now. Don't say that. Don't say that.
That's kind of funny. No, don't say that. I have a filter today to sift through that because I hate apologizing. I hate it. I hate it. But if I watch what I think, what I say, I'm good. If I pause and think, is this appropriate, Lisa? God got my thoughts and my words and my actions so my behavior is appropriate and mature today. I want to be a mature adult today and take responsibility for what I do. You know, I love what Claudia said.
Promptly make amends and change. That's what I love. Change. I need to change now. I can't just keep saying, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't
[00:10:00]
have done that. No, I want to change today. I want to be a better person. And I also will look at my assets too and say, I have gotten better. Every year, January 1st, I write down how I've grown over the last year and I've done that for the last 18 years. How have I grown over the last year and where do I still need to make some progress? So there you go. I think, wow. One moment, please. See, I'm starting to get a hot flash. Let me turn my fan on.
I think that might be it. All right, last thing I just want to say is, you know, the step 10 is a tune-up for me. I want to feel at peace with others and within myself. And that's all I have. Thank you. I'm touching the mic, yeah. I'm going to start by saying I am married to a wonderful woman, Bonnie. And I have to say that because the next thing, and this is humorous, okay, so there's no misunderstanding. Lisa, what I heard you say was naked, hot flash, and love you. And I don't know what else you said. Something about the foundation of steps four and five. Naked.
We are the only people that we can change. We work today on steps 10, 11, and 12. And I love step 11, and I live step 12. And the key is that we have to take responsibility for ourselves. And we don't want to go back and live doing those other steps, but I'm so thankful that they're there. Okay. Now, I know that you guys know what we do after we do a step, but we're changing it up a little bit. I realize that.
Okay. So we're not going to have a basket. Is that correct, Louise? That is correct. Okay. What we're doing is it's kind of like one-on-one, one-on-two, where you can talk with somebody if you like. We are having a men's discussion group in the boardroom, so any guy that would like to come, we're going to be doing that. And really, once this is done, we're going to come back and then eat around 630. Now, I know you guys like to be on time. You're going to be here at 5 o'clock to get where you sit, but the doors are probably going to be shut because they have to get things ready. Okay.
I know you guys are a creature of habits where you want to sit at the exact table that you're sitting at, but there are going to be some reserved tables, so another change that we all have to go with. You know, I started yesterday by saying, if you open your hearts and your minds, what a great weekend this can be, and it's been great. We'll see you back for dinner.