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Source: Danny M. and Arthur – Southern Wisconsin AA and Al-Anon Conference (Date Unknown).mp3 File: danny-m-and-arthur-southern-wisconsin-aa-and-al-anon-conference-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:26:50
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They had promised us that if you have a ticket on your car, if you'll mail it to the police department of the city of Madison, and tell them that the function that you had attended, I'm sure that you won't be issued a ticket, everything will be alright. I'm sure that this… Now, we got a few private bouquets to hand out, I think there's many, I don't know who would come first, but I happen to think a doll over here, Virginia, she alone went out and got 23 tickets for guys from the Ponderosa group to come up here and attend this banquet.
I think that's worthy of a hand, huh? Stand up, Virginia. Now, there's so many people, and I'm sure that there will be some admitted by error only. Special recognition, I know Yvonne B., she's done a terrific job with the tickets. She's entitled to a big hand. Bill S., done a lot of work. Where are you, Bill? Stand up and take a hand, Bill. Vic Jr. Where are you, Vic? Thank you. Irene, done a nice job.
But, this all came about by the ninth district guy. I don't want to blow him up. He's got a lot of pats on the back today for this wonderful conference that we've had. And I would like to have you pay tribute by giving Vic. Would you stand up, Vic, and take a hand, please? They were discussing some time back about some of the programs that they thought that maybe could be discontinued. I heard a program in there this afternoon between the clergy and AA.
And in my money, I think that's one of the greatest panels that I've ever heard. Ted C., Monsignor Octor. Stand up, Monsignor. Reverend Beauregard couldn't attend the evening dinner, so we're sorry that he isn't here to accept a little. Now, this is something that I feel very grateful to have the opportunity to do. I'd like to present a little token to perhaps, in my mind, the oldest member of Alcoholics Anonymous in the state of Wisconsin who is celebrating his 25th anniversary.
I'd like to have you give you a standing ovation for Danny M. from Brodhead. Danny, come up here. Come up. Danny, will you say a couple of words? Well, Mr. Chairman, members of the clergy, my sponsor, Sister Blandine, all you good people who are here, if I were to tell you that I were grateful for this honor, it would be indeed modest. You know, I have tried to live the AA program daily, day by day, and I feel like Ray here that we've had one of the greatest conferences, something that will produce more goodwill for the club and the community.
In relation to the clergy and our members, and it only strengthens the faith that I found 25 years ago in a hospital bed in Monroe at St. Clair Hospital. I had been ill for a number of years from excessive drinking. I had tried everything. I had been in Keeley. I had been down in Hot Springs, Arkansas, and all to no avail. As I pondered my situation in St. Clair Hospital, I felt that something appeared.
[00:05:03]
Maybe it was an apparition. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was a… Whatever it was, I'm grateful for. Well, I felt then as I was reading a book, AA book, that I could place one hand on God's shoulder and have him direct me. I had given up all hope of ever recovering from drinking. I had heard that once an alcoholic, you would die in a drunkard's grave, and there I expected to be buried. But I got this hope out of the AA book, and that was 25 years ago, and I know that the shoulder that appeared to me that night is still there, that all I have to do in time of need is to reach over and say, all right, I need your shoulder and I've got it.
But I'm very grateful to Sister Blandine, grateful to St. Clair Hospital, grateful to 511 North Carroll. I feel good when I think I can come to Madison and have an hour to spare that I can drop in at 511 and know it's going to be open all day long. I'm grateful to all you people in AA because you were the people that brought me into this club, the people before you. I know you're going to help other people as you helped me.
I know I'm going to help other people as the old-timers helped me years ago. And I'm just too grateful to say any more, and I want you to know that if I live to be a million, I'll try to be in AA one day at a time, 24 hours a day, and I thank you very kindly. This wouldn't all be possible without the cooperation of the help of Mary, and Mary, we're very deeply grateful to you. I know Dan mentioned Sister Blandine.
I don't think there's enough words in the English language to talk about this lady. There's a number of people. There's a group in Iowa called After Her. There's 20-some, 30-some members that belong to it. They got their introduction to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous through Sister Blandine. So without any more, I'd like to have Sister Blandine, will you please stand up so they can give you a hand, please?
I erroneously made a mistake by forgetting to introduce you to the past area delegates from New York. Over here is Ted R. from Madison, and John M. from Beaver Dam. I guess Pat is gone, but our delegate that's still in operation, Clarence C., please. You know, these things, the privilege and the opportunity of being up in front of you people here, I'm sure there's many in this room who feel like I, we wouldn't be here without the cooperation that we got from the loved ones, from the one that is in the dark room.
I don't think enough credit can be paid to that suffering wife that sat home, wondering and hoping and praying that maybe someday something better would happen. So it gives me a great deal of pleasure to introduce to you a member of the Al-Anon Society, Arthur, from the Winona Grove Group. So, Arthur, if you will, please. I hope I don't disappoint you as that wife that was sitting at home. I'm a member of Al-Anon, and it's a pleasure to come here tonight and try to explain our program a little bit to you.
I think in some ways it needs a little bit of explaining because there aren't enough people who do come to the Al-Anon groups. We have large attendance, but we could have a lot more people. I think one of the reasons is that people are a little bit hesitant to approach the Al-Anon program, and sometimes they receive very little encouragement from their AA partners. And I imagine there's good reason for this because there's high suspicion of a good deal of gossip.
Well, I think there's gossip on both sides of this program, and we don't relish it any more than you do in your side. And in our program, we try to hold this gossip down as much as we possibly can.
[00:10:06]
The purpose of our group is threefold. Number one, we offer friendship and comfort and hope to the family and friends of the alcoholic. When a person first comes to us in Al-Anon, they're a pretty frustrated, discouraged, despairing individual. And as one AA member told me, you fellows over there or you people in Al-Anon are as sick as we are. I agree with him. We're every bit as sick as you are in our frustration.
But as soon as we get a new member, we listen to their story. We don't over-sympathize with them, but we try to tell them things that will help them. We tell them that first, they do not cause or make an alcoholic. On the other hand, it is possible for them to either help or they can be a hindrance to the recovery of their spouse. So we try to hit it from both sides. This seems to be a tremendous relief to the members of Al-Anon to find out that they are not the cause.
It removes a sense of guilt on their part. Another thing that helps a good deal is to find the empathy of a group. The thing that makes AA work so well is that one alcoholic can talk to another alcoholic when he can't talk to the clergy or to anyone else. And this is true of Al-Anon also. The new members come in, as I can recall in my own case, I had never even heard of Al-Anon. And when I went to that first meeting and had a chance to ask questions, to talk with people who had the same problem, heck, I thought I was the only guy that had this many problems.
And it sure was a relief to find out that there were others. We also are able through our program to give some hope to these individuals. And the most difficult part is getting this across to them the first one or two times they come. You have the same problem in AA. You get people who come and they listen to your story and sometimes it takes, other times it takes years for it to be effective. We have the same problem in Al-Anon.
So the first time we have a new member, we try very hard to get that person to come back and see us because we know that we aren't reaching them the first one or two meetings. But it's a great pleasure to see the change that comes over people who do come back to the program week after week and gradually start to talk more. They'll sit there silent at first because they still don't know whether they buy our bid or not.
But then as the weeks go by they do and they start to ask questions and they start to contribute their own thinking to the program. And it's amazing the change that comes over these people as this program goes on. Then the second part of our program is to grow spiritually through working the same 12 steps that you use in AA. It wasn't very difficult for me to accept that first step because when they told me I was powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable, I had to admit it.
I'd lost every battle to it so far anyway, so why argue with it any further? Then we continue on with the faith steps. I believe that as far as the program is concerned, the spiritual side of it is by far the most important part. It incorporates in it something that helps the individual to stay with the program, to stay with a spouse whether he's with sobriety or not. I enjoyed the clergy session we had this morning and it was good to see that the clergy is taking more interest.
The amazing thing is that a lot of the people who come to the program have good religious backgrounds, but when they come to the program they have no faith at all. And to try to restore that faith, and the way we go about it is one of the miracles of the whole program, because none of us are authorities in theology or psychology or medically in any way, but by talking with each other, by sharing our experiences, by trying to get across the point that if you want your faith, you have to work for it, nobody can give it to you,
[00:15:28]
you can read all the books ever written on faith, and they aren't going to help you until you have the desire of your own to acquire faith. Dr. Fosdick had this little bit in one of his articles that I think fits this situation pretty well, and I quote, It is very hard to realize that God's word does not come to man through magical handwriting on the wall or spelled out on stone tablets, but from the inner counsel of their hearts.
And this is, in essence, how our AA and Al-Anon program works. We get together and we soul-search this thing and we go after it right in the basics. We're not interested in theology, we're not interested in whether you're Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, or any other religion at all. We are interested in finding a faith that we can live by 24 hours a day that will sustain us. And we do find it, not right away, but with time we do find it.
The third part of our program is to give understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic in the home. Now, I don't know what the attitude of each and every one of you AA men and women are regarding our Al-Anon program, but where Al-Anon has worked at its best, we try to make the person in Al-Anon realize that they can have a large share in helping the alcoholic. We give them an understanding of the problem, for one thing. They learn that it is an illness. They learn that they did not cause it.
And then we tell them that you have to love them and you have to have patience with them and you have to have understanding. I got those three things thrown at me the first meeting I went to and I just about walked out of the meeting. I just couldn't see this stuff after what I'd been through. But it is true and we still emphasize these aspects of the program a lot stronger than you and AA maybe realize because we know that it pays off in better family relationships for ourselves, in more compatible relationships, and in a better home life.
Also, while we do not make an alcoholic, we can sure help him to go off the program. This we admit and this is what we talk about. So, in the three steps, we do our best. First, to help the individual. As an AA, your first concern is for your AA member. The family is not the immediate concern and you AA men operate a very selfish program. We do not deny you that right to do it. You're out many evenings.
But we know what you're working for. And we in our program are working for a bit of the same thing, but we're also trying to support you in your program so that we can both have a happy family as a result of it. I think that I'm not going to go through all of the 12 steps, but if we can get down to the last one, which is the 12th step, where having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.
I think most of us think of 12-step work as answering a phone call and going out and helping somebody that's in trouble. Primarily that is it. But I think there's an even more important phase of this 12-step work which will help each one of us if we start doing 12-step work in the home. Now we've heard of dry drunks. We've heard of people who are sober but they're still as miserable as ever. Some of this we can understand. And not all of it is due to the alcoholic. A good part of it is often due to the one that's an al-anon.
And we aren't hesitant to tell that person when they get talking a little bit that maybe there's some things that they should take inventory on and make some changes on their part. This is good al-anon. And when you don't have it working this way, it isn't good al-anon.
[00:20:13]
But for a little 12-step work in the home, you can gain some very wonderful feelings within the home. If you'll only start thinking and applying the program in the home as well as outside of it, try to be a little bit more pleasant, a little bit more understanding. Try to carry on your conversation so that there isn't this breakdown where it's yes and no's and sarcastic answers and replies. You can bring about a more happy home for your family and your children and all.
And in closing, I just want to say that we in al-anon know that the best thing we have going for us outside of our own program is AA. And we hope that you and AA will feel the same way about al-anon. Thank you. Thank you, Arthur. I'd like to have you meet Arthur's charming wife. [name unclear], would you please stand up and take a bow? This card that's floating around, we'd like to have you sign it. This is Dan's anniversary card and we hope that you'll pass it on up here when you finish it.
Inadvertently, we'd like to do this to keep you confused. I forgot to mention our New York delegate, Bob W. Please, Bob. I'm sure you'll all agree with me that we had a wonderful dinner. Thank you. I think the only way that we can show our real appreciation is this Madison Young Adults Association. I have a hard time struggling. And they're going to put a basket down in the end and if you choose, put something in it for them. We thank you.
Now before we get into the main bout, why don't we all stand up and relax and shake hands with your partner or something, kiss your neighbor or something. Oh, yeah. What's your name? Donna. Where are you from? Southern Wisconsin. They'll get it. They'll get it. Great. Great. Great. Let them clear the table.
[00:25:22]
Well, if we find our seats now, we'll probably get out of here by midnight. If we hurry along. I'd like to have you meet Donna T., the Al-Anon delegate from the southern area. Donna, will you stand up, please, and take a hand. On your program, there's listed a dance at 511 North Carroll Street. We couldn't get a dance permit, so I'm sorry, it's been called off. So, that's one of the things that happened.
So, and we'd like to tell you that next spring's conference is going to be held at West Bend. And if there's anything like this, I hope they have an auditorium large enough to seat them. Because this is terrific.