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Source: Arbutus O – Al-Anon Meeting at Vicksburg (1962) – 1962-06-23.mp3 File: arbutus-o-al-anon-meeting-at-vicksburg-1962-1962-06-23.mp3 Duration: 01:05:53
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Let us begin this meeting, as we begin all Al-Anon meetings, with a moment of silent prayer. Let us stand, please. The serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I'm Lisa F., a member of the Al-Anon family group. We welcome you to this meeting and hope that you will understand that we are trying to solve our own problems, not the problems of the alcoholic.
I tried for approximately 17 years to solve the problems of my alcoholic and to get him to stop drinking, but I had no success. And as I said, we are organized simply to help ourselves. I'm grateful and filled with humility and sincerity for those hands of Al-Anon that reached out and brought me into the fold and helped me to come from the depths of bitterness, resentment, and nervousness, which I still have, but not the same type that I had before my husband found AA and I found the Al-Anon.
During my lifetime, I have had many good things to happen to me, particularly since I have been a member of the Al-Anon family group. One of the best things that has happened is happening today here in this auditorium. To be able to introduce a speaker such as I'm introducing now is indeed a great privilege. She is from Texas, and you have heard, as I have heard always, that Texas produces the best of everything.
Since I talked with Arbutus this morning, I am firmly convinced that she is one of the best Al-Anons that I have ever met. She spends freely her time and effort in furthering the work of the Al-Anon family group, and she is on the board of the Abilene, Texas Council of Alcoholism. She is the Al-Anon delegate from Texas and shortly is to participate in an institute of alcoholism at the University of Texas. The first thing she told me this morning was that she liked to be introduced as an Al-Anon, not just the wife of an alcoholic. So I give you Arbutus.
Thank you very much, Lucy. First off, I want to say how pleased I am that you had confidence enough in me to ask me to your state convention. I was privileged to meet the E. pair in New York in the springtime and realize how much effort they put into this thing and with such great selection that they used to get the speakers. And at the moment, I think I know how a pygmy feels to be put in the same group of speakers with the lovely lady from New York and with our own John P. and to be followed this evening by none other than Charlie J.. That makes me pretty aware of my own inadequacy.
We do not have to qualify ourselves in Al-Anon. We do not have sobriety dates to cuss or discuss. Actually, we inherit this state of being because we sometimes are married to alcoholics and those of us that are not married to alcoholics are interested in alcoholics who might be related to us in different ways. It always pleases me to see AAs stay for our Al-Anon meetings because we still are deriving much from you. And your presence here today indicates that your life has been affected by one of the oldest problems known to man.
Alcoholism is not new. It's as old as time. It's a complex disease that prompts the unthinking to make jokes about the drunk. It's a public cancer that can turn a man against himself. It's a blight on the history of mankind.
[00:05:14]
The Bible warns against it. Shakespeare diagnosed it. And Tennessee Williams built a prize-winning play around it. But not anywhere in the history of alcoholism do we find a single ray of hope for the alcoholic and certainly none for the alcoholic's family. So at this time we are beginning to see the other side of the coin in the field of alcoholism. The alcoholic's family need not be ashamed or ridiculed over the hopelessness of this disease ever again. That's past.
I heard Marty M. say in Austin, Texas last year that the American people are prone to use an adjective with a word for so long that they begin to think of it as one word. Now in this part of the country, damn Yankee is considered one word. And for hundreds of years, hopeless drunk was considered one word. And there was a reason for this. Not very many people got well. And society was surprised that brilliant people were sometimes alcoholic.
History tells us that Alexander the Great died prematurely because of this problem. Edgar Allan Poe, Robert Louis Stevenson, Stephen Foster, we read were compulsive drinkers, uncontrolled drinkers. Now history tells us very little about the families of these men and others like them. But those of us who are the families of alcoholics know that they could not help with the problem even then any more than we could.
And we also read that the priests and ministers were baffled at their inability to cope with this problem. The medical doctors were not able to find a pill or a vaccine that could cure this disease. And the law enforcement officers learned that punishment was of no avail. But in our lifetime, conditions are changing. The problem's still with us. But there is hope. And there's hope from many sources. There's hope from the spiritual realm.
The clergymen now realize that alcoholics are God's children too. And they are invaluable help to AA groups and to Al-Anon groups. I heard Dr. Howard Kleinbell say that 42% of the people who have personal problems approach the clergymen first. So it's a simple matter of educating the clergy and reaching these people who desperately need the help of Al-Anon and of AA. And we have wonderful, wonderful help from many legal sources.
County judges are now suggesting treatment instead of punishment. And we have, as you heard this morning from Hazel, many, many groups inside the penitentiaries all over the country. The rehabilitating programs of AA, reaching the people whose crimes and misdemeanors were indirectly or directly caused by alcoholism. And out of these groups come many fine AA members. We have such a member over in Lubbock, Texas. This man has committed every crime in the book, I suppose, except murder. And he had an accumulated sentence of 285 years.
They imposed this kind of a penalty on him so that he would never again be allowed to inflict his personality defects caused by his alcoholism on society ever again. And with that kind of a sentence, they seem to be able to effect that kind of restriction. But while he was in Huntsville, which is a state penitentiary in Texas, he learned about AA. And he's been out now for four years on parole and is one of the finest AA members I ever hoped to see. He talks to conventions, goes all over the country, because he's able to read a faction of society that other people cannot reach because he knows what it's like to be confined because of this thing.
[00:10:08]
And we're getting much, much help now from the men of science. I think one of the biggest helps we've had recently is the fact that it is recognized as a disease. When the American Medical Association went on record as saying that alcoholism is a treatable disease, we made a tremendous stride forward. And I don't know your conditions in Mississippi, but ten years ago it was impossible to get a man in a hospital in Texas simply because he was an alcoholic.
The doctor had to be willing to jeopardize his medical license and cause his ailment something else, a bad liver or a heart condition or something else. In other words, he had to falsify the record for our folks to be treated. So we're getting much, much help in that area. Many years ago the doctors and the students were admonished not to waste their time on these people because, again, they were hopeless.
And we get tremendous help from agencies such as NCA and its affiliate offices. We get a lot of our members through the information centers, which is affiliated with National Council on Alcoholism. I'm privileged to work a small way in that area in Abilene, as the little lady told you. And I hope sometime to be able to reach many more people when we can assure these people in the information centers that our Al-Anon groups are well-functioning groups and that we propose to help the families of the alcoholics instead of trying, as we did in the past, to help the alcoholic himself.
But the biggest hope and the greatest help that we can ever expect to get comes from among our own ranks. It is still true that God helps those who help themselves. And this is how it works, this closeness that is Al-Anon, this sharing of our strength, experience, and hope, one with the other, in love. On page 137 of your Big AA book, we receive these instructions. The past is the greatest asset that the alcoholic's family has, and frequently it is almost the only one.
This dark past can be of infinite value to families still struggling with their problem. We feel that each family which has been relieved owes something to those which have not. And when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes out of their hiding place, no matter how grievous. Cling to the thought that in God's hands, your dark past is the greatest possession you have, the key to life and happiness for others.
With it, you can avert death and misery for them." Isn't that a tremendous thought? And isn't it a grave responsibility? And this is what I shall attempt to do here this afternoon. I will tell you my story. It will not be easy. But in this way, I can identify myself with each of you out there. I will share with you my experience, strength, and hope in love. I attended my first AA meeting in Amarillo, Texas back in 1948.
I did not want to go to this meeting. I was frightened and confused. This is an open meeting like we've been enjoying here this week. But I didn't know what kind of people I would see there. I was pretty much a mess myself. I weighed 107 pounds in those days, and I was almost as gray as I am now. As Jack said this morning, I was just about two jumps ahead of a fifth. And a lovely little lady at this meeting who was a member of AA approached me and said, Well, how long has it been since you had a drink, honey?
And I was going to tell her. The only reason I hesitated, I was trying to remember if I'd had a drink on New Year's Eve or if it had been the previous Thanksgiving. When Marguerite, the little lady who had taken me to this meeting, spoke up and said, Mrs. O. is not an alcoholic. Mrs. O. is not an alcoholic. But she is familiar with the disease of alcoholism. I'm going to tell you the story of a family.
One member of this family. One member of this family, through following a perfectly acceptable social custom, became an alcoholic.
[00:15:06]
And because alcoholism cannot be isolated, every member of this family became infected. Now in order to tell this story, I will have to make references to an alcoholic. And I do not like to call my friends epileptics or tuberculars or diabetics. And for the same reason, I do not like to call this member of my family my alcoholic. So with your permission, I will tell you that his name is Bill. He is my husband.
I will not talk very long about the drinking days because the memory of these days is still too bitterly painful. Non-alcoholics develop what I call a protective amnesia. And this is good. This is necessary for recovery. I will tell you that Bill and I have been married over 23 years. Bill drank for the first 12 years that we were married. And he's been sober now almost 11 years. I was not concerned, actually, with Bill's drinking when we married.
I drank with him. And it was fun. Did you ever stop to think how many things, tragic things, start out to be fun? Bill and I worked for a company that sent us all over the United States. And we had a wonderful time. We drank in Saratoga, Kalamazoo, Chicago, St. Louis, and San Antonio. The people we worked with were about the same age we were, and everybody had a ball. But then in 1940, two things happened to make us grow up.
We became parents, and the world became involved in a war. I no longer drank with Bill. We had our second child the next year. And Bill was not there when Nancy was born. She came on Wednesday, and she saw her daddy on Sunday. And when Bill came to the hospital with the usual paraphernalia that new fathers bring to their wives, he almost caused a riot among the nurses. He wanted to teach the Catholic nun who was in charge of the maternity ward at the Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, the taxi stomp.
He was very funny, this guy from Texas that I married. And when he left the hospital, he sat down on the streetcar track. In full view of my window. And forced the motorman to stop so he could tell him about our new baby girl. Very funny. Then our only son came the next year. And this time, by this time rather, Bill had started having personality clashes with the people he worked for, and he changed jobs pretty often.
And then too, this time the trip to the delivery room was a little bit different. Something went wrong. Seriously wrong, and they needed Bill. And they couldn't find him. Had they asked me, I could have told them that he was in a bar, but I didn't know which one. Sometimes I give my good AA friends a rebuttal on loneliness. And they tell me that there is no loneliness in the world as great as that of the alcoholic who has run out of time.
But I know about loneliness. The loneliness of an alcoholic's wife when she goes to a delivery room with the full knowledge that a compulsion to drink is robbing her of her husband's devotion. The lonely task of keeping the spirit of Christmas alive for small children whose father has forgotten what day it is. And the crawling fingers of loneliness that you feel when you wait by your child's hospital bed and you hear her cry, I want my daddy.
And you can't find your daddy.
[00:20:00]
This, my friends, is loneliness. Our son was a frail child. They told us he'd never walk. Alcoholics are sensitive people. I've watched Bill stand by this child's crib for long moments. This golden-haired child of ours who couldn't kick and go get drunk. Mrs. O. is not an alcoholic, but she is familiar with the disease of alcoholism. Our fourth child, another little girl, was born in 1943. It was during this period that I became familiar with eviction notices.
And I saw the look of pity and disgust on the faces of those who served them. I think one of the darkest times was down in Knoxville, Tennessee, during the time that the Oak Ridge development was in its beginning. Because of Bill's drinking during that period, the people that we made a furnished house from preferred that we move. And, of course, during the war, it was not hard to do these things. Everybody needed a house.
Priority was important. And I shall never forget this good Christian gentleman who helped me to pack my meager belongings, making sure that I did not carry away a pillow along to him on the day that my fourth child was supposed to be born. Sorry for me, yes. And he told me he would pray for me. I became familiar also during this period with welfare agencies. I became dependent on a welfare agency for food for my children and treatment for my young son.
And I shall long remember the look of pity and disgust on the welfare worker's face when she wrote on the application blank, Husband is a drunkard. I think that there's probably more bad jokes and sorry sermons about the drunkard's wife than any other people in the world. I really do. Mrs. O. is not an alcoholic, but she is familiar with the disease of alcoholism. When I came to Texas 18 years ago, I had never heard this term in reference to my husband.
And I had never heard it referred to as an illness. But I knew even then that my Bill was compelled to drink. He drank when it was important for him to be sober. He lost his left arm and his left eye as a result of drinking, and he couldn't stop. He lost his self-respect and the confidence of his friends, and he couldn't stop. He almost died as a result of drinking, and he could not stop. And because of this compulsion and the problems it created, we began a new kind of education.
And in the pursuit of this education, I have learned many things and met many people. I learned that an alcoholic is a sick person who needs and deserves help. I learned that one out of 14 people who drink will be an alcoholic. And I learned that each alcoholic affects at least 20 other people and his family most of all. I learned to have a new kind of faith in God. I learned to trust my fellow man.
I learned to have confidence in my husband's sobriety. I could do none of these things, believe me, 18 years ago. Alcoholism is the only disease that I know anything about when the effects of a symptom can cause other people to get sick. The effects of the drinking, which is a symptom of alcoholism, causes the whole family to get sick. It's less understood. It's easy for a child to understand when an alcoholic yells and cusses and breaks up the furniture and falls down the floor and goes to sleep.
[00:25:02]
This child saw him take a drink out in the kitchen. But this same child cannot understand when a non-alcoholic yells and cusses and goes into hysterics without taking a drink. As Jack says, it's an incredible paradox, but true. And the people in this generation have seen many strange and wonderful things. We've been terrified in this generation by another disease. It's familiar to all of you. It's called polio.
But I sincerely believe that God will not let his children suffer when enough of them cry out for help. And that's what happened with polio. We cried out for help. And God gave a man the ability to perfect a vaccine to prevent polio. And just as truly in my thinking, in 1935, God heard the cry of the alcoholic and of the alcoholic's family, and he gave the AA program to Bill W.. God will not let his children suffer when enough of them cry out for help.
At first it was thought that the alcoholic was the only one that needed treatment. The attitude of society toward the non-alcoholic was one of pity and sympathy, not understanding. There were those that thought we were a little bit better than other folks, that we continued to love and care for the alcoholic. And there were those that thought we were plain fools to live under such circumstances. And the psychologists suggested that we might be masochistic.
The attitude of the alcoholic, in many unfortunate cases, was a dog in a manger one. They felt that AA was exclusively for the alcoholic. They felt that the non-alcoholic had little need and no understanding of the program. They discouraged and sometimes forbid the non-alcoholic to come to meetings. They thought that the non-alcoholic used their meeting times to gossip and discuss the sordid details of the alcoholic's conduct and escapades.
And I'd like to pause right here and say to you AAs that I'm sorry, but a lot of times that was the truth. And the attitude of the non-alcoholic was one of skepticism and doubt in many cases. They thought that the recovery program was not intended for the non-alcoholic. And the complacency and the self-righteous attitude of the non-alcoholic was not a healthy one. So it was finally learned that this is a family disease.
When the family of the alcoholic understood the AA program of recovery, the alcoholic made better progress. But you see, while the drinking progressed in the alcoholic, the fears and the tensions and the loneliness and the resentment and a deep feeling of inadequacy progressed in the non-alcoholic. And these took a heavy toll. And with the advent of AA, the non-alcoholic was prone to expect an immediate recovery and happiness ever after with no effort from anyone except the alcoholic.
We thought that when the drinking problem was removed that all of our other problems would just fade away. But alas, this was not true. And our beautiful halo of self-righteousness began to slip a little bit at this point, and we heard criticism around the clubhouses. Bill will never make the program, we heard. Not unless at the moment he's married to. Criticism for the people who had reared your children and saved your life.
We deserved it. Every personality defect that we had. The effects that we had became intensified while the drinking was going on.
[00:30:03]
Bossy women got a little bossier, and those that felt sorry for themselves almost died of overdose self-pity. But now the alcoholics' families who understood what was taking place, as I said a moment before, seem to escape a lot of this tension. When the family can accept the fact that alcoholism is a disease, you see an immediate change of attitude. The human heart is receptive to the cry of the sick and injured.
We collect food and clothes for people in distress. And many, many times I've heard women say, I'm so sorry I gave Joe a hard time because I really didn't know he was sick. And this knowledge and acceptance actually seems to change these nagging wives into angels of mercy. And the alcoholic is generous. They'll give you anything they have, except their liquor. So they allowed us to come to their open meetings and their conventions.
They allowed us, as Bill W. says, to warm our hands at the blaze of their goodness, providing we'd make the coffee and keep the clubhouse clean. And we were glad to do this because they were sober. But as the AAs got sober and their thinking got straight, they realized that they'd have to bring this thing home. And a little over ten years ago, Bill W. became concerned over the increasing number of letters that were coming in to AA headquarters.
And he did what any good AA member will do. He took them home to his wife. And he asked Lois if she thought that she could do something to help these families. And Lois could. Because Lois had had the same kind of problems and the same kind of fears that we had. So literally speaking, inadvertently, Bill W. started Al-Anon just as surely as he started AA. And he says himself that Al-Anon is the best thing that has happened since AA began.
Al-Anon is a second cousin to Invention. They were both born of necessity. And from these letters, a little over ten years ago, we now have 2,100 groups, Al-Anon family groups in the United States and in Canada. So surely there was a need for this thing. Two years ago, it was decided that we would have our first World Service Conference. And as your emcee told you, I was elected the first delegate from Texas.
While I was in New York, I met many wonderful people. I was privileged to meet this man whose philosophy and whose program has made it possible for me to have a family. This man whose philosophy and whose program literally saved my husband's life. This man whose philosophy and program surely saved my sanity and my emotional stability. And I couldn't, if I stood here the rest of the afternoon, tell you how I feel about this kind and wonderful gentleman.
There's not the kind of words that you know to express a feeling like that. He doesn't want adoration from us. Doesn't want it and doesn't expect it. But there's something about being in his presence that is indescribable. And the same is true of his lovely little wife, Lois. So wise and so good that she stayed in the background and let her little boy grow up. And she still stays in the background as far as AA's concerned.
But she's a far cry from being in the background as far as Al-Anon's concerned. And she makes everybody feel just a little bit special. I'm sure that everybody feels the same as I do. But you feel a kinship with these people that's closer than you feel toward the, literally, toward the people that are born to the same mother that you are. And as I said, it's indescribable.
[00:35:02]
All these people up there from all over the country are working with the same kind of problem that we have. And they're doing something about their problem just as we're trying to do with the help of Al-Anon and of AA. Now it's not surprising that the alcoholic's family may be slow to seek help. You see, it's only in this decade that alcoholism has been recognized as a disease instead of a moral problem.
And it still is not fully free of the ridicule and the label of socially unmentionable that it should be. And then there's that little nagging fear in the back of every non-alcoholic's mind, whether male or female. What did I do to cause him to start to drink? What did I do to drive him to drink? So they're hesitant to seek help. Alcoholism has invaded all of our homes. Some of the alcoholics are sober and some of them are not.
Some of us have suffered serious financial damage. Some of us have suffered physical abuse. But our various beliefs and backgrounds are united in one common problem, the problem of alcoholism. So the AAs gave us their program and they asked us not to change it. And we take it as is, not changing a word nor taking one away. And the first step says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our life had become unmanageable.
And that isn't hard for an Al-Anon to admit. We are powerless over alcohol, whether you drink it or whether we drink it. And you don't do a very good job managing your life when you're worried to death. No, we didn't have any trouble admitting that step. But an Al-Anon has to go a little bit further with this step. We have to accept it. Now when you admit something, you do it with your intelligence.
Logic and reason tells you that this is a fact, this is so, and we admit it. But that doesn't mean we accept it. Oh no. When you accept something, it involves a process of the emotions. And it was in this area that the non-alcoholics suffered the greatest damage. We have a registered nurse in our group at home who tells us that adrenaline is one of the strongest stimulants known to man. She says that you can inject adrenaline into the heart of a dying person and sometimes revival.
And I think it's pretty common knowledge that fear and anger and anxiety also produces adrenaline. And this overabundance of adrenaline, the non-alcoholic, has pretty much the same effect as the excessive drinking does in the alcoholic. Our nervous system takes a terrific beating. And doctors tell us that there's no way to repair nerves. They're like worn out elastic. You have to learn to live with what you've got.
And that's what we have to learn in Al-Anon. And we learn slowly in some cases because of this tremendous emotional damage that we've suffered and because of this reluctance to seek help. Of course, some of our members accept this program readily. I like to say that they're the ones with the stars in their eyes and the wings on their feet. They're the ones that work to help you all put your conventions together.
They're the ones that answer the calls from the information center when we have to call on an alcoholic's family. They're the ones that are quick to get a luncheon ready if you want to have a special meeting at your clubhouse. They're the lucky ones. Others cannot readily accept the fact that alcoholism is a disease. They feel probably because of an intolerant religious training that it is a moral problem.
And they question us.
[00:40:02]
They say, if he didn't drink, he wouldn't be sick. And you know that's the truth. So then we explain to them that in some cases alcoholism is self-induced. But this does not alter the fact that it's a deadly disease and must be treated. But when you get right down to it, many diseases are self-induced. If I run a foot race with a 10-year-old kid and have a heart attack, in a sense that's self-induced.
But am I to be ridiculed and denied treatment because I was foolhardy? If I go out in a snowstorm without proper clothing on and get pneumonia, in a sense that is self-induced. But it'll kill me. Alcoholism cripples personalities. Other diseases cripple bodies. And it's these crippled personalities that we must rebuild in Al-Anon. And we do it, as I said a moment ago, very slowly in some cases, just like you do one day at a time.
We stand where we are today, wherever that is, because sometimes we limit our progress. There is only one way under heaven that we can be brought to stand anywhere else, and that's by a change of attitude. The person we are now cannot stand anywhere else. And a different person cannot stand where we are. And we wonder sometimes, why do we make so little progress? And I'll tell you why. The price is too high for some of us.
The price is too high. We're not forced to apply the principles of this program to our lives as diligently as the alcoholic must. Oh, we change a little bit gradually and slowly. But the peace of mind and the serenity that we yearn for and seek so desperately will not come to us until we can accept this whole set of principles without any deviation whatsoever. We must reject every single thing in our conscious mind that does not meet with these standards.
We must revise every opinion, every habit of thought, every policy, every branch of practical conduct, without exception, whatever. This is something absolutely tremendous. It isn't just a house cleaning of the soul. It's literally a tearing down and rebuilding of the whole house. So is it any wonder that some of us put it off or shirk it entirely? Is it any wonder that some of us never make it? And if we're not ready to pay the price, we cannot expect to receive more than we pay for.
And this is the strangest thing about the whole thing. A little change does not bring a small reward. There is no degree of acceptance. This is a take-it-or-leave-it program. It means taking a daily inventory. It means parting with all the prejudices we have inherited and acquired all of our whole life. It means tearing out by the roots all the little faults of character, the petty vanities, the minor deceits, oh, we had a lot of those, and the lesser forms of selfishness and pride that literally constitute a spiritual blind spot and are sometimes very dear to us.
We learn, too, that this is the only time we have to work with. to work with. Now is the moment to work with, it's been said. And the place to begin is
[00:45:00]
where we are now. It may seem sometimes that we are living in a waiting period of our life, that we cannot live the kind of lives that we should like to until some condition has changed, until we receive an opportunity that we feel like has been denied us, until we're released from bondage of some circumstance or some person. But there really is no other time than what we have right at this moment, like Jack said to you a little earlier. We need to put forth the effort now to make our life more abundant. We need to use what we have where we are. Today is important. It is a day in which to learn and live. It is a day in which to give and gain. We must live in the present. We must let the debris of the past go by, and this is hard sometimes. Nor yet must we let our eyes stray to the horrors of the future. We must look well, as the poet says, to this day. And the most beautiful thing about this whole situation is that when AA comes into, the alcoholic comes into AA, and the non-alcoholic comes into Al-Anon, the whole family gets well.
I think sometimes that it is not until these things come about that we experience the serenity and the peace of mind that we're looking for. When these things do take place in the lives of the alcoholic and his family, peace and serenity and acceptance naturally follow, and we can arise and walk with confidence and hope. I like to think of a statement that the Duchess of Windsor made when I think of AA and of Al-Anon. She made this remark on her 26th wedding anniversary, and those of you who are old enough will remember that theirs too was an ill-fated marriage, and she said on this occasion, I have always loved David, but now we are friends. We've always loved the alcoholic, in spite of you, and sometimes in spite of ourselves, and now we're friends. I'm grateful to the members of AA. Everything that I've prized in my life, I owe to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am grateful for the almost 11 years of sobriety for my husband and for me. I'm grateful for the principles of this program that enabled me to rear four well-adjusted children. I heartily recommend them. Our oldest child is married now to a young Methodist minister who understands the problem of alcoholism, and they have a 10-month-old baby. Our only son is a frail little guy who wasn't supposed to walk, weighed in the Navy at 189 pounds. He'll be home on a 30-day leave when we get home.
His daddy talked to him earlier today. While he was in boot camp, he had a buddy from Alabama who drank too much, and our son at that time was only 17 years old, but he recognized the early stages of alcoholism in his buddy, and he took him to an AA meeting, San Diego, California, and the boy hasn't had a drink since. I'm not sure, but I think that's some kind of a record. My other two daughters are sitting in the back row today. It's the first time they've ever heard their mother speak to a convention crowd. I'm sure they're going to have some comments to make, but these are the things that I call my fringe benefits of AA. The little extras that we didn't come here to find and didn't deserve.
[00:50:03]
The first time that I approached an AA group, a little town over in Texas called Brownwood, not quite as large as Vicksburg, but very much like it, slow and southern. I literally crawled in this clubhouse. You see, I'd read the big book. It said in this big book, if you were in trouble, go to AA, and it didn't say if you're an alcoholic and you're in trouble, go to AA. It said if you're in trouble, go to AA, and I believe in the printed word, and I went to AA, and they were kind to me, these members of AA. They didn't tell me it was a closed meeting to go away, that I didn't belong there. They talked to me, and they told me that when my husband was ready, they could help him. I've always been grateful to that little group. There's many, many things that the AAs have given us, and I hope in some small part we've given you a few things, but this is my story, the story of darkest despair and frustration. Turned into one of thanksgiving and hope. The story of AA and Al-Anon carries a message of hope and courage that the whole world needs to know, and we are the carriers of that message. More effective than any media of communication known to man. If each one of you out there will carry this message to one other person, your attendance here will be doubled next year. Wherever there is a family that's in trouble, we have a task to fill, and that, in a few simple words, is the simplest explanation that I know of world service, carrying the message. It doesn't mean carry the message in Mississippi, keep it in Texas. It means carry it to wherever there is a family that needs it. Meetings here, meetings in Texas, meetings from the rockbound coast of Maine to the sunny shores of California. And again, I believe that there is no power under heaven that can stop us. Our program, the program of AA, can free the spirit from the tyranny of fear that is alcoholism and instill a spirit of hope. The flame of hope will never die as long as men breathe. It will burn low at times, and it's up to us to keep it alive for those that follow us. And remember always to cling to the thought that your dark past is the greatest possession you have, the key to life and happiness for others. Seeking happiness is of no avail. It will elude you. Happiness is found in helping other people. And if you will put this simple, beautiful program to work in your life, nothing will ever be the same again. Believe me. The sky will be a little bluer. The sun will be a little brighter. The rain will have a different smell to it. And the grass will seem a little greener. And you never need to be afraid again. You can go to sleep at night, and there won't be any bad dreams. And when you wake up, you'll wake up laughing.
Now if this thing has put a note of sadness in your heart, it's all wrong. Life is meant for happiness, for living, and for loving. And your heart will get so full, my friend, that you just have to go out and find somebody to give it to. Thank you very much. Thank you, Arbutus, for this excellent message on strength and hope. I know from experience that it works. My husband has lived the AA program for a little more than three years, and I have tried desperately to live the Al-Anon program.
[00:55:06]
And it has made all the difference in the world. Before we close the meeting, I've been asked to urge you who have not bought your banquet tickets or who have not registered to do so as you leave this building. There's a table out front that you can register into. Do not linger in the auditorium after the meeting. The caterers need to get into the room to finish preparations for the banquet tonight.
Let us stand for the Lord's Prayer. The Lord be with you. And with your spirit. Amen. Thou hast indeed been our dwelling place in all generations. Thou hast been our health in ages past, our hope for years to come. And so in this moment we pause to recognize Thy greatness and Thy goodness and to express our gratitude for Thy wonderful blessings to us. We thank Thee for a knowledge of Thy love, for a consciousness of Thy presence in our lives, for a knowledge of Thy grace that is sufficient unto every need that we ever may have.
Now we pray Thy blessings upon this meeting. We pray Thy richest blessings upon this group. How thankful we are for them, for their lives, and for their witness. We pray that Thou will bless them and all of us in the fellowship which we have together here in this evening hour. Hold up before us always, our Father, that which is highest and finest and noblest. May we strive to attain to it and by Thy grace give us that achievement through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Thank you, Dr. McCall. I hope that's the last mistake I make tonight, but I'm an alcoholic and I'm liable to make a lot out of it. My name is Blair, or Woody W. I'm extremely privileged to be your chairman here tonight. I think this is the greatest honor that has ever befallen me in my life. I appreciate it far more deeply than anything that has happened so far. Now, alcoholism with me is a family deal. I have a wife who stood with me and stayed with me through it, and three lovely children. And I get a lot of help from her, and the first thing I noticed was some of her type of help.
Now, shut up and sit down, so I'm going to be brief. So, to get things along, in my introduction of Dr. McCall, I couldn't help but think of the bunch that we ate dinner with last night. They kidded me a little bit about some of these Air Force experiences. There's pretty well a service crowd there. And they were kidding me a little later on, and one of the boys brought to mind the story that Chaplain Duvall, he's a colonel that has recently returned to the States and I was stationed with during the war.
He said that Woody was the darndest fellow he had ever known. And then someone told him that I had joined Alcoholics Anonymous and been sober for quite a few years. For Quite a Few Years, and he got up and pulled this on me last week at a retarded children's meeting. He said, Woody was one of the young chaplain's protégés when I sent a young chaplain down to take over,
[01:00:04]
and the first thing he did is single out four of these old hard, heavy drinkers and tell them that he wanted them to lead the men in, and he was going to get them to sign a pledge. Well, we did, so the story went, and all of them signed the pledge and they handed it to me, and I signed it as witness. Needless to say, Father Duval went on to say that that was the only chaplain that ever went AWOL from the Air Force.
We hope that we cause Dr. McCall none of those experiences. When I came into town Friday, I noticed a good deal of progress in this city. I've been here many times. I've lived in this state off and on all my life. I noticed an air about things. When I got to the hotel and found the friendliness and the hospitality displayed, I was surprised. When the program chairman got up and made the announcement about the cooperation of the city fathers, I was even more surprised.
And then it turned out to be a fact that his honor, the mayor, was going to welcome us. Every town that I've gone to and found this situation exists, there is usually a hardcore, fast, good AA group that's taken a lot of his honor's problems off of his hands. And I know with the progress in hospitality that we're in for a treat from his honor, the mayor, John Holland. Chairman Woody, Dr. McCall, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen, it's indeed a privilege for me to welcome you here tonight.
Before I do that, I would like to share with you some of the folks of our city who are with us tonight along with me. I'd like to recognize our two city commissioners, Commissioner Gine and Borey. I haven't seen them. I'm not sure that their wives are with them or not. If they are, would they please stand up? I'd also like to recognize another member of our city family, or two of them, that is doing an outstanding job for our community.
He's our young chief of police and his wife, Chief Murray Sills and his wife. Will you stand, please? And with Chief Sills is one of our outstanding lieutenants of our police department, Lieutenant Morris Peck and Mrs. Peck. Will you stand? We're real proud of all of our folks that are connected with our city and we're real proud of all of our citizens. And you have done us a great honor in selecting our city for your state meeting.
I've learned a lot about your organization over the past few years through your very active chairman in Vicksburg who, along with the group, is doing a tremendous job. And they've been a real asset to our community. I have a great deal of admiration for you for the dedication that you have to the cause for which you work so hard. I'd like to share two lines of a creed that I think is one of the greatest that's ever been written, and that is the Junior Chamber of Commerce creed.
The first line is this, we believe that faith in God gives meaning and purpose to human life. You folks have exemplified that not only in your organization in Vicksburg but around this country and in the 82 countries around the world that this organization is active in. And then the last line of that creed, we believe that service to humanity is the greatest work of life. And in your dedication and your effort and your helpfulness to your fellow man, you have certainly indicated in our community and in Mississippi and in these United States that you believe that service to humanity is the greatest work of life.
Vicksburg is a truly great city. It's historical. It's progressive. If you'd go back with me a hundred years ago, you'd find that there were Union gunboats down on what is now the Yazoo Canal, at that time was the Mississippi River. They'd been there for some number of days bombarding Vicksburg and had even sent an ultimatum up to the city to surrender.
[01:05:01]
And they got an answer that went something like this. Mississippians don't know how to surrender, and we're not about to start learning now. And I think that you folks and your dedication to this worthy cause are certainly proving that you're not ready to surrender to the harmful effects of the thing that you're trying to avoid. And we are just tremendously pleased to have you here to get to know you and to learn more about you and help you in any way that we can.
We want you to come back to our city often. And any time that you're here, if there's anything that any of us in the city can do, please feel free to call us on it. Thank you very much. Folks, I believe I'm coming back down here sometime.