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Source: Al-Anon Third Step Spiritual Meeting – World Service Conference (1968).mp3 File: al-anon-third-step-spiritual-meeting-world-service-conference-1968.mp3 Duration: 00:45:59
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As everyone knows, our conference theme has been responsibility. In this, you have all shared. I want to take this opportunity to thank every one of you for your dedicated participation. I love every one of you and thank you for your help. I was overcome with joy. Your prompt and willing response to the letters from me and from World Service Office, your faith and your allegiance to World Service, without whom we could not be here, nor would our groups have the many wonderful advantages they have today.
Your unfaltering trust in your trusted servants. This has all meant much to every one of us who has served. From our first conference committee meeting, I made a decision. It was just this. Nothing can be or will be one person's decision. This is world, Al-Anon. And above all things, this demands principles above personalities. To work with many committees has increased my emotional maturity and my spiritual stature. Having taken the third step, I have not had to walk alone at any time.
Our fourth step helped me to remove my greatest stumbling block, myself. And in learning to know myself better, it was easy to forgive the other person when necessary and pray for them that we might proceed unhampered with the important work of the conference ahead of us. This is never a self-seeking program. This is a way of life where we can share and give our all, but never expect any return. Nor are we ever able to give back nearly enough to repay our gratitude for what has been given to each of us.
Here I found hope when there was no hope. I found strength where I had weakness. Experience in great measure, given into our care, our responsibility, that we may be willing to share and help others to find all three. And from you, I have learned it is better to love than to be loved. And now we will begin. Oh, I do have announcements. We couldn't do without them. I was hoping we might this morning, but we have some important ones.
There is a change of time tonight, so please remember to turn your clocks one hour ahead so that you won't miss your plane, your boat, or your train or bus. And also, it might be wise for you to check because many of the systems of public transportation may have some change in schedule. Will you please send us your conference idea when you return home, constructive ones to be assured, whether they're likes or dislikes. But while they're fresh in your mind, for they do help all those who work on preparing the conference.
This is really very important. If you've chaired a panel in this conference, we wrote you ahead asking that you have a brief resume of your panel and what was said or what was achieved. And this we would ask that you have in within a week or even leave it with Holly or me before you go. It doesn't have to be in perfect form. The main thing is that we have the notes so that we can go ahead with the big work of the conference summary because there was great delay because these notes were not turned in last year promptly.
There will be a trustees' meeting at 11.15 a.m. today in Parlor A, followed immediately by the quarterly meeting. And with that, I would like to begin our spiritual meeting. Our third step reads, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Our responsibility here lies in helping others to become capable of doing this.
[00:05:05]
And now I would like to introduce to you our first speaker, Dee from Virginia. Dee. Good morning. I'm Dee, and I'm so deeply grateful for being here. I didn't know what to expect at this conference, so I came with just an attitude of expectancy, and it's been overwhelming. I have never seen anything so beautifully executed from beginning to end, and the smoothness with which it has been executed is something to behold. I'm so grateful to be a part of it. Thank you.
When Penny told me last night what we would be talking about today, I promptly forgot it. I couldn't remember whether it was came to believe or whether it was made a decision. And so I went to my room, and, you know, it seems like I retire a little late these nights, and too late to call anyone. Certainly I wouldn't call Penny to find out what she said. And so I did what Margaret suggested yesterday. I had a little meeting all by myself, and I started writing. And I started thinking about, now, which one of these, they go together so beautifully.
And I couldn't, if it were made a decision, then something had to precede that. And if it were came to believe, something had to follow that. Something has to happen when one comes to believe in a power greater than ourselves. This is response, and from this, our conference theme, responsibility. I have stood at many turning points in my life, and I think the one that I want to talk about, the one that I thought about last night, happened about seven or eight years ago.
I lose track of time because it seems like the years or the days really doesn't matter. It's the thing that happens that matters. But I stood at a turning point in my life. Circumstances and the situation with me, these two things, were better than it ever had been in my life, or certainly in our marriage, in our married life. Things were good in that, at this point, we had had some years of sobriety. I had certainly begun to have some emotional sobriety. The healing process had begun.
But I reached a point in my life where there continued to be a real deep need, a deep knowing within that something was still amiss. And having had the background that I have had, I had reached the point where I could begin to turn to a higher power and let him help me in times like this. And this is what I did. It was no particular struggle at this stage. I just turned it over, turned this whole thing over to him, not knowing what to expect, not expecting anything except that I would get an answer, but not knowing what that answer would be.
And nothing happened immediately that day, I mean. I'm so inclined to expect something to happen that hour or that day. But nothing happened right then, but I knew it would, just like I knew that something was going to happen at this conference.
[00:10:07]
I suppose it was three or four months later that we had a house guest who was an Al-Anon. And we spent many hours together, visiting, talking, and being a good hostess. I took her to an Al-Anon meeting. I listened to her talk there. I listened to her talk at an open meeting. We were on the same wavelength. We really were. And the only thing with which I took issue with her at one of the meetings was when she said, you have a responsibility to AA for the years of sobriety your spouses have had.
And I didn't like this very much, but I just, you know, put it over here in a little box and left it there and thought about it. It is no coincidence that this Al-Anon and I are here at the World Service Conference as delegates together with the theme responsibility. And I thank God for this experience. This was just the beginning. I began going to meetings. I was ready to apply the principles of this program when I went. I had been doing some of this to a degree.
I had been doing a lot of reading and thinking and prayer and meditation, and I had belonged to a prayer group for a long time. And so what I was hearing in Al-Anon was not too different from what I had been doing, except that I began to see that the program was simpler than I was making it. This is a simple, doesn't mean easy, but it's a simple program. And I began to find here the tools that I had always needed to carry out the decision.
You see, I had made the decision a long time ago to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. And I had tried and I had done it again and again, but I didn't seem to have the equipment with which to work. And I found the tools here. And it's so simple. These steps and these traditions work. I began to apply these. This took some real deep searching. I think the first thing that I had to do was look at our marriage, because things were pretty good, but there was something amiss there.
I had to get, I had to discover, and my higher power helped me to discover what the barriers were that had prevented a deeper communication. The first one on the list was self-righteousness. I never knew I was self-righteous. And when I began to suspect that I was, I couldn't believe it. And then again, I just asked my higher power, if this were so, to let's go on out and get it in the open and do something about it.
Along with this was pride and resentment. Resentment of AA. Resentment. I not only had alcohol taken my husband away, but then the program had taken him away. and he wasn't doing all those things I wanted him to do, and expecting him to do, and I found that as long as you expect something of somebody, they don't have, aren't able to do it, and when you turn them loose and turn them over to God, then they begin to find a power.
[00:15:27]
Uh, to do what they're supposed to do. It may not be anything close to what I think it's supposed to be either. Another thing I discovered was that I still was bitter about this thing, alcoholism. There was something I needed to understand more about the disease of alcoholism. I began to realize that I really knew very little about the disease. It had caused dis-ease within our family relationship, and that's about as far as I could go. Uh, certainly in thinking about it relative to a family disease.
So you see, when I began to apply the principles, discover and become willing to have these character defects removed, and asking God to remove them, things began to happen. This is a difficult thing in that it takes a lot of time, and much thought, and much meditation, and much hurt, because I had a lot of hurt to get rid of. But I have found that today, uh, it's all been worth it. Today, uh, my husband and I have a deep devotion, uh, and affection, and respect for each other.
I feel like that we have what I like to call a deep marital communion. This is because of A.A. and Al-Anon. As a matter of fact, we have reached the point where we can fifth-step each other, and that's saying a lot. And he's been a tremendous help to me, and he had been tremendous, a tremendous help to me before I ever came to the program, but I never let him know it. This is a character defect. I have discovered that these principles apply in any situation, in, with every problem. They apply at any group level, any individual level, and any group level.
Family group, church group, civic group, Al-Anon group, assembly group. You've seen it, uh, at work here in the conference. These principles work in every situation. I have had some other turning points in my life. One was in making the decision that the program had to come first. I had always been and have always been in a situation where I was needed, uh, a situation, uh, that was creative, that offered many avenues of service.
And suddenly I was on a threshold of having to decide whether to go on with all of these things or whether to begin to, uh, put the program, the service part of the program, first. And again, I turned this over to a higher power. After all, I had made a decision to turn my will and my life over to his care, and, uh, he began to make opportunities available. I have found that within the group, in our own home group, from this, other groups have started. And I've worked closely with it. I haven't done it, but I've been there.
[00:20:13]
I have worked at assembly level. This seemed to be the thing, the place where I was led next. And sometimes it all seemed so rapid that I can hardly believe it. I had a, a real struggle when the possibility of, of being a delegate arose. I struggled with this and thrashed around with it, and I had to go back to my original decision. Again, to turn this thing over to a higher power and say, I made that decision, you'll have to just put me where you want me to go and use me in whatever way.
Along with this followed a written inventory relative to this particular thing. This was of tremendous help to me. I find that always when I can get it on paper, this is, I can see it objectively. And then follow this through with, with a fifth step and get some help. On all of these things, and ever since I came into Al-Anon, I have had some real good sponsorship. And, uh, many times I have wished for that wonderful literature on sponsorship. That's why I guess I'm so grateful for it, Alice. Thank you.
But I have had some good sponsorship, and this to me is one of the most important things when we are working together. This is a we program. I cannot do it in isolation. We, we, we. We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God. I need to do this with you. I need to do this with another person. And I would like to do this with you now, because it's not just for you, but it's so that you will know that I have made this decision, and I know that you know that I've made it. And this helps me as I go out from here.
So with you, I do make this decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. And I know that He can direct me in this field of Al-Anon. I've had many opportunities within, uh, this program. You know when you reach a point where you have some deep communion, deep marital communion, this creates an environment for real service, service with our children. Our children were born after my husband came into AA, but they are in Alateen. And I'm extremely grateful for this. Our little girl who just turned 12 in the fall couldn't wait to be 12 years old because she could go to Alateen.
And since this environment is conducive to service, we've had so many opportunities. I never know whether there's going to be four of us for dinner and spending the night, or whether there's going to be eight of us. It's real, real funny. And this doesn't matter anymore. We seem to have people coming out of the cracks. And this is all right, too. We have had people in our house, I mean living with us, not just overnight guests, but living with us for periods of time, [unclear] overnight, and I think the longest one stayed with us was 42 months.
And this one, of course, happened to be a cousin of mine whose father had died of alcoholism. And I had grown up not knowing anything about drinking or the disease of alcoholism. In each case, we have been the beneficiaries. We have been blessed in so many ways in having these people in our home. I think one of the greatest blessings is just to be there when you see the miracle happen.
[00:25:18]
And this cousin, you might be interested to know, after coming to Al-Anon at 19, started our Alateen group in Roanoke. Things do happen when you begin to live according to the principles of this program. I have found that this works at state level, at area level. I had a real struggle when I was confronted with the thought of being a delegate. Because of the ages of our children, I knew that they would need me perhaps more the next few years than they ever had.
And as I said, I went back again to the decision, and he seemed to, this higher power, seemed to put me in this situation. I became willing, as I said, and it's been like this since I became the delegate. It's just wonderful. I don't know what tomorrow brings. I only know that I made the decision. A response is expected and forthcoming. And I'm here, and I thank God for it, and I thank you for it, and I am ready to respond.
God bless you. Thank you very much, Dee. To make the decision for this meeting was quite difficult, but I, too, had to turn it over to my higher power. And I'm sure his answer was right after listening to Dee. And now we will have Bob S. from Oklahoma. Thank you, everybody. My name is Bob. I'm a delegate from Oklahoma. This conference has been a wonderful experience for me. I've always heard, to be a good speaker, you had to know funny stories. But I have no funny stories. This program is a life-and-death matter to me.
It's a serious matter, because to me this meant life or death. Because before I came into Al-Anon, I had nothing. I came into Al-Anon about three years and eight months ago, and I brought nothing with me. I was bankrupt in all departments, physically, mentally, and spiritually. So to me and everyone around me, life was nothing and didn't mean anything. So I owe my life to this program, as I hear the AA say.
I had no faith. I was skeptical that this program would work, because I had tried everything else. I was going in no direction. And this is a terrible way to live, but this is the way I live. From one day to the next, I didn't know what decisions I was able to make. and I couldn't carry out the decisions that I did make, so my life was totally unmanageable.
[00:30:10]
I like to compare my life with an automobile. I think step one and two was hard for me to come by, but I feel like in step three, when I could accept this, I changed gears, because I did find a new meaning and a new purpose in this program, and it took me a while to do this. This program was hard for me to come by, but when I completely gave up and hit my bottom, I was able to grasp a little of this program, because I was ready for some outside help. I had fought this thing to the bitter end, and when I finally gave up, I could look elsewhere, and I looked to Al-Anon. I was grateful when I came to Al-Anon, and there was that outstretched hand of help, understanding, and love that I certainly needed.
I think I hit bottom several months before my wife come into AA, and I feel that this had a great bearing on her seeking help in AA, because until I would completely give up and turn loose of this thing, she would not accept help. But she could see a change in me, and this scared her, as she has said before, and she could see what this was doing to me, so she accepted AA with my reluctance. I certainly didn't want her to be classified as an alcoholic, and this is the way we fight this thing. We don't want to accept defeat, and certainly I didn't want to admit defeat here.
I felt like that I had failed, but through this program and accepting this, I was able to accept help and make an about-face, which is the thing that we all have to do when we accept help. From this program, or from our higher power, whom I choose to call God, I had very little faith in the beginning, because I had prayed many times, and I felt like my prayers had not been answered. And I know now that it's a good thing a lot of them wasn't answered, because they wouldn't have been good for me or my wife. I feel that this is God's plan for me, to come to Al-Anon and her to AA.
I have been through this emotional wringer that we go through, and I'm sure this is God's plan for me, because this was necessary for me to go through these things. So I am able now to share a little bit of my strength and hope with someone else that they might find this program and to realize their problem and to turn loose of this thing. I am able now to put God in the driver's seat, which I was in for many years. But he seems to be doing a much better job of it than I, and I don't have this responsibility anymore.
And this is a load off of my shoulders that I do not have to carry anymore, and I'm grateful for this. This program has taught me a lot of things that I don't have to do anymore, that made my life literally unmanageable, and I'm grateful for this.
[00:35:14]
I have a new direction now and a new life, and I can make anything from here on that I want. Whether my wife is in AA or not, I don't feel like it would make any difference now. Probably it would in the beginning. But I have something here, and with God's help, I'm able to go forward. I have a sense of direction now, and I can see my path ahead. With his guidance and strength, I'm able to do this. I now pray for spiritual strength and guidance and vision, because with this, I have a direction that I can go.
I also now have a positive God that does things for me. Before Al-Anon, I had a negative God. He didn't do anything for me. This was my attitude, and I had to change this before I could get any help. I had to do this through Al-Anon. I didn't have it from any other source, and I have a better understanding of my higher power. I can understand him. I know he answers my prayers now, and I know he's with me each day.
Sometimes I call on him quite a few times during the day, but we have an understanding and forgiving God, and I'm grateful for this. I thank God for Al-Anon, because without Al-Anon, I don't think I would know God as I know him today. Thank you. I'm sure, Bob, that we all have a better understanding after listening to you. Thank you very much. And now we will have our final speaker, Marguerite J. from South Dakota. Marguerite.
Hi, everybody. I'm Marguerite, and I certainly, too, am grateful for having been a part of this conference the last three years. This is a simple program, and thank God that it is, because if it hadn't been, I don't think I could have taken the program and worked it the way I did, because I feel I'm a simple person. Before I came to Al-Anon, I was a very emotional person, and any little thing that came along would upset me, and I could just turn on the old tears and cry and do lots of things to make people miserable.
So I really have found a change in myself, because I can meet situations now that I never was able to meet before. Before I came into Al-Anon, I knew there was a God and believed in him and thought he had a part in my life, but I wasn't really conscious of it. I knew that I was created by God and that he had created all my fellow beings, but I always prayed, and I prayed so selfishly that I might be benefited by all of his graces.
I prayed for 20 years, asking and almost pleading sometimes that he could help my alcoholic and our family and give us things that would benefit us, and I was praying negatively, which I found out after I got into Al-Anon. After attending Al-Anon for some time, I suddenly realized that I had to turn my life and my will over to the care of God, as I understood him, because if I didn't, I'd still continue being this selfish, unhappy, and kind of a belligerent person.
I think I let go and let God before I got into Al-Anon because of the problem in our home, but I wasn't aware of the fact, because somehow I had a little bit of peace of mind, but it wasn't really a serenity that I have gained since I've been in Al-Anon.
[00:40:09]
I found out in Al-Anon that today is the best day, and that by asking God to help me through this day, his will be done, I will be less critical, less selfish, and less fearful of things that might come my way. Sometimes it's pretty easy to get back into that old rut and start thinking that I can manage my life, but it only takes a few minutes for me to get back and realize what I have gained by taking this third step, and I let go, and the things fall into a pattern, and they're much easier to cope with, and the day is much better.
To me, the serenity prayer is one of the most beautiful prayers I know, and I use it many times a day, believe me, because in my work I need lots of patience, and I can just go to the lab and just say the serenity prayer, and it gives me strength to go back out and face the rest of the day. I know the higher power is with me every minute, and the first year that I came into New York, I was pretty green. I haven't traveled much, and I had my first flight on a jet plane, and I was seven hours late getting on my flight because of a flash, spring snowstorm in South Dakota, but I did get on and got to New York, and somehow I knew God was right with me because I went and got my bags, I went out the door, got the bus, got to the bus station, took a taxi, got here to the hotel, called Ann in California, went down and visited with her, and I had no fear at all.
I was just real calm, and that amazed me because I had never done that before. My life has been more serene and calm as I've been given the privilege to use these 12 steps, and I find that it's a daily task. I can't skip a day by taking this third step and by using the others, for I know that I must work out my own salvation because nobody's going to do it for me. I try to do my best, and I know that I must end my prayers, thy will be done, or all will have been done in vain, and I think that Al-Anon is such a part of my life that I will never graduate from it, and I know that it's given me a deeper meaning of my marriage, a better communication with my husband and my family, and it's given me a better knowledge of God, of which I'm most responsible, too. Thank you.
I don't know about you people out there, but it sure has been a wonderful meeting for me this morning. I've been able to relax, absorb, digest, and I'm sure I've been able to grow a little bit during this hour, and it's been a real privilege, I believe, to hear these three fine speakers and to have them share so much of their spiritual understanding with us. We have to go to the more mundane things, but this, too, is a great material joy, and the buses will leave the front door of this hotel for the trip to Stepping Stones at 1 p.m. sharp.
On the meetings, we have been able to delay a little and to relax a little, having been able to keep on our schedule with all your help, but on the buses, this is another situation, and we expect you to be there promptly. All I can say now is I'm so grateful to the speakers for giving us an excellent program and to tell you again that thank you isn't nearly adequate enough for all you've done to lighten the burden for all of us and to make this a real joyous occasion.
We all hope that you'll get home safely, refreshed with willingness to continue your fine service. And to those of you who may still have the drinking problem in your home, I'm sure you've found a little more to work with here.
[00:45:09]
Always remember that the power behind us is much greater than the problem before us. With this, I would like to close in the usual manner. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.