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Source: Aaron J – Kentucky State AFG Convention 2024 Acceptance Workshop – Date Unknown.mp3 File: aaron-j-kentucky-state-afg-convention-2024-acceptance-workshop-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:51:18
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I have never done an acceptance workshop, don't do a lot of workshops in general, so I'm going to make my part as brief as possible, because we've got a lot of people out here, and I mostly want to hear what you have to share, so Jamie was kind enough to give me a cordless mic, so when I get done here, hopefully fairly briefly, start raising your hands if you've got something you want to share on. I think the first thing I thought of when they asked me to do an acceptance workshop is one of the first slogans, I guess you'd call it, I heard when I came in, the awareness, acceptance, action, and I know when I came in, and even now, I prefer to jump from awareness straight into action, I don't want to deal with the uncomfortability of the acceptance, something's not acceptable, jump right into action, and nothing I've ever done in that order has ever worked out well for me, it's important that I sit in that acceptance for a while, if it's something about me that needs to change, I need to accept it, okay, I accept, I've got this defect character, whatever it is, I can't just jump right into the action, the action of having God remove the defect, as Pastor Recovery says, it's a very weird sentence, but that's what it says, if it's someone else, I was also told early on that I never have to accept unacceptable action, but once I have that awareness that this behavior from someone else is unacceptable, I've got to, once again, sit in that acceptance that I cannot change another person, if something's got to change in that unacceptable situation, it's got to be me.
So, when I think of acceptance, my mind usually goes to accepting things I cannot change, serenity prayer, obviously, this is Pastor Recovery, it talks a little bit about acceptance of the steps themselves, which I had forgotten reading, I'm sure I've read it many, many times, so I'm going to start out with a couple readings here, if I can see, my doctor says I need bifocals, I'm only 48, that's way too young, so the first one that comes up here, it says, hard as it is to look at our own part in our problems, acceptance of step one brings relief from impossible responsibilities, we were trying to fix a disease and someone else's disease at that, so this is where it all starts, right, I've got to accept the very painful reality, whether I'm dealing with active alcoholism or not, someone I know is sick or suffering or hurting me and they can't or will not change, that's painful, I mean, to me, that's the pain of step one, not a lot of hope for me in step one, to me, the hope comes up in step two, so that was an interesting use of the word accept, I thought, and then we get to step two, acceptance of step two is paramount to working the rest of the Al-Anon steps, tripping over step two and skipping to other steps indicates a lack of acceptance of step one, many members have difficulty in beginning to work this step for their personal recovery, attendance at meetings is only a start, this was very important to me early on, we need the guidance of a sponsor in addition to our group, the wisdom of members who have worked these steps before us is essential to understanding fully the spiritual answers and guidance we are about to experience, trusting our group and trusting our sponsor are truly stepping stones to accepting a power greater than ourselves, so again, yeah, it's such a cliche, but these are in order for a reason, and any time I've tried to, even now, skip from, you know, powerlessness in step one to another step without going straight through the rest of them, it doesn't work, okay, let's see, this is about the fifth step, when we complete the fifth step, we have accomplished a difficult task and learn more about ourselves and our actions, some of us feel a great relief as we unburden ourselves, we discover that we are not alone in our human frailties and we are not the worst person in the world, as we might have believed, whether it brings great relief or a small beginning of acceptance, in this case, acceptance of myself, step five brings us closer to our higher power, and helps us to learn to treat both God and other people, learn to trust both God and other people on our spiritual journey, I really do need new glasses, I'm sorry, it's bad, I'm taking them off, okay, I can actually see better this way, whenever I feel stuck, angry or confused, I still work a fourth step, this is just my opinion, I look at that as working an eleventh step, I mean a tenth step in fourth step format, but that's just me, I still work a fourth step, it helps me look for my part in the chaos, with experience and time, I find that the fourth and fifth steps help me accept a wide range of human traits that I and all other people have, I find comfort and relief in letting go of the need for perfection and becoming more human, I know that God will show me the answers, I no longer need to believe that I am alone in any aspect of my life.
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Al-Anon poured the spiritual foundation for my recovery when I took steps four and five, they carried me toward my spiritual awakening, and I think I have one more from this, okay, this is about step seven, this line always makes me laugh, it is important to remember that all of our defects will probably not disappear immediately, I put a question mark by probably, we will always fall short of perfection, that's part of being human, even after repeatedly praying for the removal, we will find that old behaviors and thinking may stay with us, recovery is a process and there is no quick fix for what ails us, fortunately Al-Anon reminds us to be gentle with ourselves and to turn to our higher power for help again and again, this is true humility, it can be a hard lesson, but we will learn to have compassion for ourselves and for others, to change we need to accept ourselves as we are, stubborn shortcomings and all, our higher power knows better than we do the extent and timing of each change that is right for us.
So that's really, that's about acceptance of the steps, so that was a little bit different perspective, cover is coming off, and I'm not going to read all these that I have marked, I'm just going to read until we get down to a certain time, okay. So these readings, this is one day at a time, or more about the accepting the things I can't change, let me find a good one here, acceptance and surrender are the two attitudes that open all doors to us in the Al-Anon way of living, yet they are the most difficult for many of us to acquire, no matter how badly we think life has beaten us, we still cling to the idea that acceptance and surrender are a kind of hopelessness, hopeless giving in, a weakness of character, not so, acceptance means simply admitting there are things we cannot change, accepting them puts an end to our futile efforts and frees our thought and effort to work on things that can be changed, surrender means relinquishing our self-will and accepting God's will and his help.
I do not have to accept the continuous misery that goes with alcoholism, I will not surrender to the vagaries and machinations of the alcoholic, no one can distort my thinking unless I permit it. That's a good one for me, I had a sponsor, it sounds like a joke, but it's not for him or for me, he would say I'd wake up every morning and roll over and look at my wife to see what kind of day I'm going to have, and that's definitely how I lived, and that's no way to be completely dependent on someone else's mood or sobriety or anything.
I think I'm just going to read one more and then this last thing that somebody gave me and then I'm going to open it up. Let's see, among the many gifts we are offered in Al-Anon is freedom. When we are new in Al-Anon, we are prisoners of our own confusion and despair. Working with the program offers us release as we learn to understand the true nature of our situation. The gifts of Al-Anon are not without a price tag, freedom, for example, can only be achieved by paying the price we call acceptance.
I like that. If we can accept the first step, we are set free from the need to control the alcoholic. If we can surrender to God's guidance, it will cost us our self-will, so precious to us who have always thought that we could dominate. It is up to us to decide whether this freedom from our despair is worth all this. Most of us believe it is. So I think that's all I'm going to read. Somebody gave me this at a convention a long time ago, I have no idea if this comes from conference approved, I haven't been able to find it, but I have it on my desk.
In my office, because I need to look at it several times a day, some days more than others. Acceptance. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. So, a little more brief than I thought, but that means I get to hear more of you, so anybody have any thoughts on something you're currently struggling to accept?
I didn't know I was going to say this, but I am, because it may sound like I'm looking for pity, and I'm not. I'm just being honest about my struggle with acceptance right now. Since I agreed to do this workshop months ago, I have to accept that my mom's doctors say they can't do anything else without her cancer. Yeah, I do. Sorry, it's been wrong.
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I have to accept that my partner of seven years decided to enter a relationship a few months ago. Of course, I've got to accept that. I've got to accept that I'm probably going to get laid off from a job I've had for 20 years very soon. Yeah, that's a lot to accept, and again, I have to accept that. Well, I don't have to. I don't have to. I can choose not to, and sometimes I don't. But if I want to have any chance of being happy, joyous, and free, I've got to accept it, no matter how difficult and painful it is.
If I don't want to, I write back that step one in my life is completely unmanageable. So that's why I want to hear mostly from you, because I needed this workshop a lot, and I'd love to hear what you have to say. So raise your hand, and I'll bring a mic. Hi, I'm Laura S. And recently I saw the word acquiesce, and I looked it up in the dictionary, and it says, reluctantly accept, and I went, we can do that?
We can reluctantly accept? We don't have to, like, grab it and say, oh, okay, I accept this? So now I acquiesce. Oh, I guess I've got to get up there. Okay, so I did not want to get into Al-Anon, and for two years my doctor kept saying, you've got to get into Al-Anon. But I had this thing about the fourth and fifth step. I didn't think that pertained to me, and I really was kind of angry about it. So after being in Al-Anon for about four years now, I have learned so much about acceptance, and to know that I have to accept that I have a part in all my relationships, not just with my alcoholic.
And knowing that I am not perfect. I've tried to be perfect my whole life. I never wanted to make a mistake. I always obeyed the rules, and so I thought, I'm a really good person. I don't need this. This is, like, the fourth step. I don't have anything to be really sorry about, because I've been such a good girl. But I've learned what my character defects are, and accepting them and knowing I will get better little by little, day after day.
And it's going to take my whole lifetime, and I'll never be perfect, even though I want to be perfect so bad. But the acceptance of that is freeing, and I love this program. Thank you. Hi, I'm Olivia. So, when it came time for me to do the first step, you know, that I'm powerless over people, I don't have to control the people around me, the amount of freedom that I felt from that was just like the whole world was lifted off my shoulders.
I don't have to control everybody, you know? It's not my responsibility to take care of everyone around me. Like, that was such a relief. But the next part of that is being able to accept people for where they are. And that was something that I really struggled with for a long time, because, you know what? I do know what's best. They don't have to listen to me anymore, and I don't have to say it, but internally, I still feel like I know what's best for other people.
And being able to learn acceptance was such a gift. It's not easy for me. It's probably been one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn, was being able to accept people where they are, places where they are, and where I am. You know, it took a long time for me to learn to accept myself, and being able to work the steps, come to the program, Accept myself, and being able to work the steps, come to the program, and share, and read my literature, really makes things a lot better for me, and I have an easier time accepting people, accepting situations, and accepting where life is, when I do the things that help take care of myself, you know, when I start off my morning with prayer and meditation, and doing my readings, and I take those times for me, I feel like after that, I, you guys can do whatever you want, I don't really care, you know,
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everybody else can do that, because my problem has always been me, you know, it's how I'm viewing the world, and how I'm taking in information, it's, when I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do, I'm not going to accept anything, so, thanks. I'm Carol H. I was really good at volunteering to be a victim, and when things would go bad or go wrong, I could stay angry for a long, long time, and I like that you mentioned that acceptance brings freedom, because for me, I could let go of that anger when I didn't have to take things personally, and I could accept whatever bad situation for what it was, and I could get off that hamster wheel of just being miserable and angry and just spewing forth my fury. That's all.
Anybody who spoke who didn't get one of these? Hi, I'm Laura. Speaking on her anger and victimhood, this program has helped me to allow myself to accept the fact that I was a victim, and I was allowed to be angry, and a lot of the people around me kept saying, you shouldn't be so angry, but I had to be angry, and I had to accept my anger as a valid response to what was happening to me, and I loved myself enough to be angry about it.
Now, this program has helped me to then move on from that anger and move on from that victimhood. I accept the fact that I am a victim, but I also accept the fact that I'm no longer in that space to be victimized, and so I don't have to allow it to continue to control me. Did I skip somebody? My name's Carrie. I have a person in my life who exhibits a behavior that is very scary to me. This person explodes sometimes, gets explosive, and yells and screams and carries on.
But I have a long-running, deep love for this person, and so it's a struggle for me. It seems a fine line between setting a boundary and accepting who this person is. You know, I didn't believe this person when they told me they couldn't change it. I don't know. But I have realized that I have a part in it, too. When this happens, I am so deeply wounded that I just cry and carry on, and it's just, oh, I just turn into a three-year-old. It just can hardly comfort me, and I don't want to do that anymore. That's no fun.
So I think I probably have to accept that it's a possibility this person cannot change what they do, but I am going to work on changing my reaction, and that's what I can do.
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And, you know, every once in a while a little eagle says, well, that's not fair. That's not fair. Well, I can say two things about fair. A fair is what you pay when you get on the bus, or fair is where you go at the end of summer and they have all those rides and cotton candy stuff. And I taught third grade, and it's about age eight that they finally get this thing about them, like, that's not fair. So I guess I'm kind of an eight-year-old when I say that's not fair. But I'll put on my big girl panties and work on it. Thank you.
Sorry, I can't see this far. Who raised their hand? Hi, I'm Beth. Hi, Beth. Hi, I'm Beth. Hi, Beth. Hi, I'm Beth. Hi, Beth. Something that I learned about acceptance is that there's a difference between accepting or condoning bad behavior or unacceptable behavior and accepting the fact that I am in charge of staying in a situation that is harmful and which didn't allow any type of growth, or if I could step away from that and focus on me. And one thing that I have learned in my five years of Al-Anon is how to accept me for who I am.
Who's next? Oh. Do I keep passing you? Hi, everyone. I'm Maury. Hi, Maury. So for acceptance in this point of my life, I've been in Al-Anon for about two and a half years now. And before I found Al-Anon, I was previously diagnosed with skin cancer, and that threw me into a massive depression that took a long time to get out of. And recently, I found out I have another potentially very scary long medical problem facing me. And I also have a really long bucket list that includes a lot of lifelong fun items.
But now that I've worked my step one and I've learned that I can't change aspects of my life, I just have to accept them. I'm happy to say that I'm not sitting and wallowing in my pity. I'm happy with where I'm at. I'm grateful that I'm still here. And I've accepted that no matter what path my physical body takes me, I will still have a fun, fulfilling life. Hi, I'm Melissa H. Hi, I'm Melissa. Khaleesi.
What I've learned about acceptance is that sometimes acceptance gets to allow you to move on to the good thing. So, I fought for years in my marriage of 24 years trying to change him and convince him that he was an alcoholic. I mean, we're not even talking about falling off the wagon because he was never on the wagon to fall off. Still doesn't accept that. So, I spent a long time banging my head trying to accept or trying not to accept that he was going to change or could change.
Trying to convince myself that I was being unrealistic about what I wanted out of a marriage and a partner and a relationship and love and that I had a false idea of what it was. And eventually, when circumstances hit me in the face with it and I couldn't ignore it anymore, I realized that this was over and this was not going to happen and I acted. So, I was Hamlet for 24 years for all you English buffs out there.
And then, guess what? I met the love of my life. Yay! So, accepting things that aren't going to go your way can sometimes give you the chocolate ice cream at the end.
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It's my happily ever after. So, accept things because there's good beyond that. Thanks. You get them too. Okay. Thank you. Hey everyone, I'm Lisa. And this has been a great conversation. And when I think about acceptance, I think about denial, I think about the disease of alcoholism and how it's cunning, baffling and powerful, right? So, I spent a lot of years in denial being married to an alcoholic who was wonderful in every way, but he was alcoholic and there was a lot of craziness going on.
And there was a lot of me thinking things aren't right, but he's like, don't I do this, don't I do that. I don't go to bars, I don't chase women, I don't, oh, well, maybe you're right. You know, maybe everything is okay and I'm crazy. So, it's kind of like that. And what I've learned over the years about acceptance, well, you know, there's denial, so you have to realize there's something going on, right, in order to accept it.
And what I was just thinking about when everyone was talking is in our literature, and I believe it was Buddha that said, you know, all of life's suffering is wishing things were another way other than the way they are. Oh, my gosh, you know, but when I start doing that, I don't realize I'm doing that. You know, because it's not fair and it should be this way or that way or whatever. But, you know, so sometimes I don't always catch it, but I'm better at catching it, you know, when I'm not being accepting.
Because the sooner I can catch it, the sooner I can change my thinking. But it still may require a conversation with a sponsor, reading the literature, prayer. It just requires a lot. And, you know, I'm always going to be human. That's the other thing. I had a situation not too long ago and I was not accepting of it, but I couldn't see that I wasn't accepting of it. I'm just thinking it's wrong. It shouldn't be like that, you know.
And it's like I'm really giving it a lot of space in my head. So then I started beating myself up for doing that, you know, because I'm in Al-Anon for this long. I shouldn't do that anymore. So anyway, you know, I'm a human being and I'm always going to be that way, but I might catch myself a little quicker thanks to this program. Thank you all. Thank you. You may have to yell out. Really need new glasses.
Hello, everyone. My name is Tatiana. I will be short. It was the biggest gift of this program to realize that for me that I am not the one who is running the universe. That's it. When I was decided to quit and when I accepted this first three steps, that was the biggest change in my life. Because before I thought that I'm responsible for everything and everyone who is around me. And when I quit, just quit.
Cold turkey. Then when my life started to change. And for that, I owe it to Al-Anon only and all of you who taught me beautiful things and how to live absolutely new life. Love you all. Thank you. I'm sorry. I really can't see anything. Hi, my name is Kim. For me, I've really been struggling with acceptance lately because I realized that I cannot turn my will and my life over to the care of my higher power if I do not accept that whatever he decides or she or it or whatever it is.
Whatever they decide is what's supposed to happen. So much of my life I have spent trying to find that perfect thing, that perfect job,
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the perfect family, the perfect friend, the whatever. And accepting that what I have is what I have. And what I have is all I need. And that what I have is a gift. And the fact that I may not, you know, I'm to the point now where I'm sitting there going, okay, this is probably the last trip I'm going to take to Busch Stadium because pretty soon I'm going to be retired and I'm not going to have the money to be able to go spend a thousand dollars to go to St. Louis on a regular basis. You know, and things like that. And let alone the fact that physically I may not be able to do it. Accepting that what HP wants for me is not always what I want. But that doesn't mean it isn't what I'm supposed to have. And that's been my struggle lately of accepting that sometimes I'm just going to be tired of fighting. And that's when I give up. And then it gets better. And dang it, I didn't make it happen. Which is a whole other thing I have to accept. Because after all, I grew up in this adult child, you know, the childhood stuff that I was told I could make whatever I wanted out of my life as long as it was whatever they wanted me to do. You know, as long as it was in their parameters. And coming to accept that I'm not necessarily going to meet those goals, not necessarily going to meet the goals that I had at some point in my life. But that I can be happy not having reached them has been very eye-opening lately.
And it's something that I keep on working on. And thank you all for being here because Lord knows I need that energy boost on a real regular basis. Thank you. Thanks for passing those out. Actually, someone. Thank you. I'm Lindsay. When I first found out my son was going to be born with Down Syndrome and a heart defect, I had to go through an amount of grief of just what I thought was going to be. I don't know if there's anybody here that has a child with special needs or disability or a friend or a family member or themselves. But I think I've learned that acceptance means grieving what you thought was going to be and allowing yourself that grief. I like to go around the grief if possible or look at it like it's a journey that I just want to be at the end of instead of understanding that it's something that I have to go through and it's kind of accommodating a new reality. It's a really sudden shift from an old reality to a new reality. That doesn't mean that the new reality can't be beautiful. So now I feel like I'm more on the acceptance part of it. What I thought I was missing out on, he's beautiful.
The stuff he has to teach me about being in the moment and what's really important in life, what I thought was success before, now he's like, hey, success is being happy and I think I got that. And finding my voice because there are so many times I feel like I need to, because of hypotonia and some of the things he deals with, and he's two, he's not able to speak for himself yet and I need to be his voice and oh my goodness, I couldn't find that. Even in my program I couldn't
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find that before and he's helping me find a voice and that's why I can stand up right now and say, you know, thank you. Thank you. Hi, my name is Wanda Colleen. In my family we go by both names. I can tell you all five of my siblings, both their names in like two seconds. I will count this as my tenth Al-Anon meeting today, right now, and so give me a minute. Y'all are something. I'm going to be part of that. I've made that decision. I've lost one son to the disease of alcoholism, 2007. I get the grief, I get the acceptance. There's nothing you can do. You are faced with this inevitable end that you can't do anything about. And my youngest son just spent the last year at the healing place in Louisville. Thank God for the healing place in Louisville. Yes, I have. And I said the word God. Oh my God. Because, you know, the chapter in the big book, we agnostics, well, I was raised Southern Baptist and I'm proud to say I've been healed from that hypocrisy. I used to say that. I think I'm going to have to change that. But what I'm here to say is thank you all for accepting me. Thank you all for giving so freely of your experience, strength and hope. I see myself in every person who has spoken. I said several times today I'm going to cry all weekend and I have. And that's not a bad thing because I'm the one who never cries.
You know, I was an adult, too, at five years old. And my mother was absent most of my childhood. And I learned to be a real good carer and a caregiver to my five siblings and my dad. So accepting in this life is different, in the Al-Anon life, is different than in regular life to me. This has a purpose. This acceptance has a purpose. It is going to change me. It has already changed me. And accepting me for who I am. And I didn't know that there were so many things wrong with me.
I didn't know I was crazy all those years. But I know that now. And now that acceptance is going to move me forward. I didn't understand when people said that you can love this room full of people and not know anybody in it. But I know that now and I'm going to accept that because I need it in my life. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we're glad you're here. Hey, thank you, Aaron. What a gift. What a gift he is. What a gift we've had. I'm Julie Andrews.
I'm not supposed to say that, am I? I'm Julia A. And for all the people that have been in Al-Anon meetings with me for the last, gosh, seven, eight years, I apologize if some of this is repetitive. When I was, when I just had finished college, sitting around the kitchen table with my dad, and I said, Dad, I don't want to make any mistakes in my life. Would you give me the keys to success? And he said, Julie, I got one prayer, the serenity prayer.
That was many, many years ago and come full circle. And I say it every week and I say it every day. I have a daughter who passed away in 2020. She was a victim of this god-awful disease. But let me tell you my acceptance. I found her. It was on Father's Day. I found her in the bedroom, passed away. And the first responder who came in said, Julie, she's only been gone a couple hours.
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What if I say a prayer? Well, please do. Please do. He knew A.A. He knew nothing about her. But he closed his eyes and he said, Lord, relieve me from the bondage of myself. That's what I wish for all of you. That you can be relieved from the bondage of your burdens that you're carrying. When you feel like there's no place to turn, no goodness to be had, it's there. And from that moment, I knew let go and let God. I gave that great lip service.
But from that moment, I am living let go and let God. And let me tell you, a year later, her father passed away. And his whole goal in life was that she would never be financially hurting. My goal, which caused our separation eventually, was education. She earned a master's degree from the University of Kentucky. She was a counselor for the deaf. She was deafblind for 25 years. It's her legacy, folks, that is living to this day that brought these ASL people here to us.
My experience, my strength, and my hope. She is so with us today. I can't even tell you. The interpreters knew her. The deaf, Ron, knew her. They loved her like you wouldn't believe. Not even to mention my love. But let me tell you who the real love is. She was called home on Father's Day. Her heavenly father said, sweetheart, you have deafness, heart condition, and a tough job. You've served enough. My precious, precious daughter.
Come home to me. And I can accept that. And I love that. And you all have fed me. Have fed me so much. Thank you. Thank you. Applause A few more minutes. Hi, everybody. I'm Vince. I'm glad to be here today. When I think about acceptance, you know, I really don't do acceptance very well. I think one of the speakers earlier today was talking about how he would just basically will himself to do whatever it is that needed to be done.
You know, that if I could just figure it out, I always thought if I could just figure it out, what would happen in my life? Mostly that I could get this woman that I was obsessed with for a long time. She's sober now 35 years, I think. But we were in a really crazy relationship. And we kept going in and out of the relationship. And I kept thinking if I just could figure it out, if I could just know what, you know, if I knew everything, then I could figure it out and I could get what I wanted.
You know, and so when we got married and when we finally got divorced and I got back in the rooms, I started, you know, really, I was really in a lot of pain and I was really crying and I was really saying, oh, I just need to do this and I just need to do that. And there was this, it was this alcoholic in the room that day. And he was, he had been sober for a really long time. And he just looked at me and he said, Vince, you got to surrender. And I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
I thought, no, there is no way that I'm going to surrender. I'm going to get this woman back. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to. You know, and it took me a long time until I got, one day I found this reading. And I'm just going to read it. It's out of the ODAT. And I think that it, for me, it really encapsulates my experience with surrender. And it's from May the 14th. And it says, a long time friend of AA, Dr. Harry M. Thiebaud, clarified brilliantly the difference between submission and the surrender idea which is implied in state law.
and The Surrender Idea Which is Implied in Step One of the Twelve Steps. In submission, he said, an individual accepts reality consciously but not unconsciously.
[00:45:01]
He accepts as a practical fact that he cannot at the moment conquer reality, but lurking in his unconscious is the feeling they'll come a day. This is no real acceptance. The struggle is still going on. With this temporary yielding, tension continues. But when the ability to accept functions on the unconscious level as surrender, there is no residual battle. There is a relaxation and a freedom from strain and conflict.
And Harry Thiebaud says, the acceptance appears to be a state of mind in which the individual accepts rather than rejects or resists. He's able to take things in, to go along with, to cooperate and be receptive. It took me a really long time to come to that. It took me a really long time and causing a whole lot of pain to a whole lot of people to finally get to the place where I could give that up, give up the idea that my life is going to be something that it's not, you know, if that makes any sense at all.
And I'll say this one thing because, you know, people that have been in a meeting with me lately know that I have this one quote that I say that's helped me with accepting right where I am, right where other people are. And it's from June the 14th in this book too and it's from Thomas Merton. And it says, at the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, otherwise what we love is just the reflection of ourselves that we see in them.
And for a long time, I was trying to get this person to change, to be what I wanted her to be, you know, and it wasn't until I accepted her just as she was, just as she is, that her life changed, that my life changed, and I could let it go. It was just a blessing. I'm grateful to be here today. Thanks. I'm sure. Go ahead, Jason, you're up. Hi, I'm Abby. Hi, Abby. I didn't expect to raise my hand until I did.
I think what I have the hardest time accepting is that I have a solution and others do not. I have a program. I have the steps, I have slogans. I have all of these, all of you here to help me and other people do not. And I still sometimes have the expectation that, well, obviously you just do the slogan, like that fixes it, and other people don't see that. The other thing is I have a hard time accepting people's emotions sometimes.
My husband thinks that because I'm an Al-Anon, he's an Al-Anon. And he will read to me the detachment pamphlet, and it drives me nuts. Because I try to use the detachment as like detach from your anger or your family situation, and now he throws it back at me. And so the thing I desperately wanted for everyone to have, which was the program, I wanted them to have my program, how I do it, and that just doesn't work.
Because how I do it is different than how everyone else does it, and that has to be okay. And the other thing that helps me is the three A's. I have to have that awareness, and as soon as I'm aware that I've done something or something's bothering me, I have to work towards getting that acceptance. And once I can accept the situation or person or thing exactly as they are, my action is to let it go.
Most things don't require my intervention, and I wish they did. I don't think I have solutions. I just really like to help, and so I wish it required me, but it doesn't. And so as soon as I can let go and let God, like you mentioned, my life gets better. So thank you. Thank you. I have to go? Okay. I've lost track of time. I've got six more minutes of anybody? We can six extra minutes of break. Okay. I'll come around this way.
I'll come around this way. Oh, sorry about that. Hi everyone. My name is Becky. I just want to share with you the way I've come to accept that car that just cut me off in traffic.
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So keep this in mind as you drive home. There's somebody in the back seat who's in labor or bleeding, right? Just give people grace. That's all I'm going to say. Thank you. Going once, going twice, all right. Thanks everybody. I really needed that. Thank you so much. Thank you, Aaron. Give it up for Aaron. That was great. Aaron is a token of our gratitude. Here's a ribbon. Thanks everybody for sharing your experience, strength and hope.
We really appreciate it. It's what this program is all about. And I'm so glad to have our new baby.