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Source: Gay N – Winner Takes All – Date Unknown.mp3 File: gay-n-winner-takes-all-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:45:53
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One thing we wanted, this meeting would not be possible if it wasn't for the Pleasant Hill Recreation Group putting this on. A lot of people have been working really hard to put this on, so I think we should just put our hands together just to give a round of applause for what a great job they've done. And for the new people, if you want to get involved, please get involved next year. It's real rewarding. There's a lot of people who have been involved in this for a lot of years.
So now it's the time to introduce our speaker who's going to speak to about 12 o'clock and about nine o'clock. But I just met this lady a few about an hour ago and I'm just what after she finished her dinner, it was about, you know, 45 minutes to go. So she's a little bit nervous. So let's give her a Pleasant Hill warm welcome. And I'm going to introduce Gay from San Antonio. My name is Gay N. and I'm an alcoholic. And those people have been picking on me about being nervous.
I can remember one of the meetings I went to when I first got sober, we had a podium meeting. And when it was your turn to talk, you come and you stood behind the podium. And I was just terrified to do that. And I didn't have much sobriety. You only spoke a minute or two or however long you wanted to. And this guy sitting next to me, he said, don't worry. He said, if you're shaking, it's just God shaking the truth out of you.
So I guess you're getting another true story tonight. I like to start off my story, my talk with the story that I heard a couple of years ago. It's about this guy and he was at a bar drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. And he got up to leave and he fell down. And so he tried to stand up and he fell down again. And then he walked. I mean, he crawled on to the to the to his car. And when he got up to try to get into his car, he fell down again.
So he went ahead and crawled on home. He just lived a couple of blocks away. And when he got home, you know, he tried to get in the house and he fell down again. So he reached up, got the key, opened the door, crawled on into the bedroom, tried to stand up and get into bed and he fell down again. So he ended up spending the night on the floor. Next morning, his wife got home. She worked night shifts and she said, you've been drinking again.
And he said, I have not. And she said, yes, you have. The bartender called and you left your wheelchair there again. I like telling that story because it's just such a reminder to me that alcoholism touches all of our lives. You know, it doesn't matter who we are, where we came from, how much money we have, what color our skin is. We're handicapped or not handicapped. It just touches everybody's lives.
I'll start from the very beginning. My parents had three dates and decided to get married. And we just got through celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary a while back. And when my parents were first married, they had a child, a little boy by the name of Joe. And they were eating at a restaurant one night and Joe was about two years old and he was dancing to the jukebox with some other kids. And my parents were ordering their food and they looked up and he was gone.
And they went outside to try to find him. They were frantic and they found him pinned between the wheel of a car and a curb. And they called 911. I guess they didn't have 911 back then, but an ambulance came with a siren, whirling, and took him to the nearest hospital which was about 20 miles away and he was pronounced dead on arrival. And the only reason I tell that is because it kind of sets the stage for the home that I grew up in.
[00:05:02]
There was always a lot of laughter, but there was this undertone of sadness going on. My mother and father had another child and her name was Joy. And then they had me and my name is Gay. And then they had a third child and a brother, my brother, and his name is Happy. Joy, Gay, and Happy. That's not a true story, but I like telling it. My sister's name is Joy, my name is Gay, and my brother we call Bubba.
And that's almost as funny as a story I made up. Anyway, I grew up in Fredericksburg, Texas, a little small German community. And I knew from the get-go that I was different from other people because I was born legally blind. My visual acuity is 20 over 200. If you stood about 20 feet from an object and I stood about 200 feet from an object, we'd see it about the same or something like that. I'm also colorblind and I'm also real sensitive to light.
So the brighter it is, the more trouble I have seen. A lot of people don't understand legal blindness. They understand totally blind, but they just don't understand legal blindness. And they had to draw the line somewhere. And legally blind means I'm legally entitled to anything a totally blind person's entitled to. They had to draw the line somewhere. And so when I started going to school, I was different from all the other kids.
And recess was really tough because the kids played all kinds of games and did things that I couldn't participate in. Being real sensitive to light, there was one little strip of shade by the building, and I'd always kind of gravitate to that shady spot, and I hurt. I was really a pretty miserable child. I just wasn't happy. When I got into junior high age, 7th, 8th grade, somewhere through there, I went to a party.
And they had alcohol, and I drank seven glasses of vodka. And I don't quite remember getting home, but I remember waking up the next morning, and I was a little bit nauseated, and I had stuff matted in my hair, and my head was throbbing. And the first thought that went through my mind is, I want to do that again. I liked what alcohol did to me. When I got alcohol in me, you know, no longer was I that miserable, feeling sorry for myself, shy little girl, you know.
I got that in my body, and I felt good. I felt good for the first time in my life. And I wanted to drink as much as I could as often as I could. But there wasn't a whole lot of opportunities, you know. Mostly it was on the weekends. And being brought up in a small town, we'd drag Maine and go through the little hamburger stand, and that's where you'd hook up with the other people that were out for the evening.
And you'd find someone that was old enough to buy alcohol, that was 21. Then they'd buy us some beer, and then we'd start to make bigger loops around the outskirts of the town until we finished drinking, you know, what we had, and then we'd come back into town. And that's pretty much how all my weekends went through high school. I was a very poor student. When I was like in the third grade, one of the teachers kind of understood this legal blindness deal and got me big print books.
And the books were kind of like an encyclopedia, you know, they were larger. And at first it felt good, you know, because I could read those big print books. And then the kids started making fun of me. So I closed those books, and I didn't look at them unless I had to. And when I graduated from high school, I graduated like 152 out of 154, 150 out of 152, I don't remember. But I was way down there, you see.
And I felt really dumb. And I knew I was dumb because I had a father that told me on a daily basis how dumb I was. And I believed him. And I had the grades to prove it. And so here I was graduating with only two people behind me. And I started thinking, like us alcoholics do, you know, that there were two people in that class that were dumber than I was. And I started feeling pretty smart. After I graduated from high school, my mother had this kind of deal that everybody should go to college for at least one semester
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so you could experience living in a dorm. And so I went off to college and flunked out of that. I don't know what she was thinking. And I didn't know what else to do, so I got married. I really loved the guy I married. And we had two children. We had a little boy and a little girl. And I loved being pregnant. I walked around with my hands on my tummy feeling the baby kick. It was just wonderful being pregnant.
And the day I gave birth to each one of those children, a little boy and a little girl, I felt like I had touched heaven. And for a few years there, I didn't drink. But then my sister moved. Obviously, we'd been in Houston at the time. My sister moved to Houston. And she was going through a divorce and didn't have anyone to go out with or be with. And so I wanted to be a good sister. So we started going out to Mickey Gilley's.
Here's a movie made quite a few years ago called Urban Cowboy that was filmed at Mickey Gilley's. But on Sunday nights, they had this thing called Beer Bust. And you paid $5, and you could drink all the beer you wanted. And I thought I had arrived in heaven. And we went there so often that we'd walk in, and they'd say, Hi, Joy. Hi, Gay. How are you doing? And I was enjoying myself. This was a real switch from being at home taking care of two kids to be out partying and playing.
And then my sister had the nerve to go get a life. She started dating people, and she didn't want to go out anymore. And I started drinking at home alone. And most of the rest of my drinking was done at home alone. I was getting more depressed. The marriage wasn't working out real well. I was dying inside. And one day, we had moved to Humboldt, Texas. And one day, my daughter had to go into the hospital.
And she was in the hospital for several days. And I thought, Okay, I'm not going to drink while she's in the hospital. And I didn't. And the day she got out, on the way home, we stopped at a Mexican food restaurant. And here, another broken promise. Before I got home, I was drunk again. I can remember promising my husband, For your birthday, I'm going to give you a sober wife. And I meant it. And in a few days, I was drunk again.
And I can remember getting on my knees and saying, God changed me or let me die. I don't want to live this way anymore. Those were my exact words. My husband and I kind of had this deal that before he left for work, he'd make sure there was enough alcohol in the house for me to get drunk, in case he worked late. And some days, he'd forget to do that or we didn't coordinate it just right or whatever, and I'd have to walk to buy my alcohol.
And the nearest convenience store was a mile and a half away. And walking three miles, for me, wasn't any big deal. But I took these two little kids, and they had to walk three miles with me because Mama needed her alcohol. I had gotten to that point. The kids were older at this time, and my son would just look at me and shake his head and say, Mama, why do you have to drink? My hands were shaking in the morning.
I was having blackouts. I'd call everybody. I had a phone number for having conversations I couldn't remember, and then the next day, tried to figure out who I had called. And anyway, this one night, just dying inside, I got down on my knees, and I said that prayer. And the next day, I picked up the telephone, and I called Alcoholics Anonymous. And they told me that there was an AA meeting a mile and a half away at that convenience store, right next to it.
I don't know about you all, but I think walking a mile and a half to a meeting is a little bit too much to ask of a person. But I got myself over to the meeting, and there was a girl there, and she stole the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and gave it to me. I am very grateful we still have Thieves and Alcoholics Anonymous. And this guy gave me a ride home. His name was Frank B. And on the way home, he said, Honey, you need to learn how to swallow your pride.
And on the way home, he said, Honey, you need to learn how to swallow your pride instead
[00:15:00]
of swallow alcohol. I didn't have a clue what that man was talking about. So I went in the house to ponder his words. I opened the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and I went to the refrigerator and opened a beer and for the next six months I drank beer and read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't get any better. So I was wondering, you know, what was wrong, you know, where did I, what didn't I get, you know?
And I figured it out. You were supposed to get somebody to do a twelve-step call on you. That's probably what I had missed. So I called alcoholics for the second time and I told them I needed someone to come over to my house to do a twelve-step call with me. And they sent two ladies over to my house and they were the dearest two ladies I've ever met. I took them back into my bedroom because I didn't want them to know, I didn't want my kids to know, you know, what we were talking about.
They sat on my bed with me and one of them picked up my hand and she patted it and she rubbed it and I started crying and I hurt so bad inside and I started explaining to them why I drank. I told them that I drank because I was legally blind and the lady was holding my hand so soft-spoken and patted it and looked at me and said, bullshit. I continued with all the reasons why I thought I drank and that lady had the same response each time.
So I, so finally I kind of got curious, you know, if all these reasons aren't the reasons why I'm drinking, then why am I drinking? So I asked and they told me. They said, you're an alcoholic, alcoholism is a disease and they started explaining to me that when I put alcohol in my body, I respond differently than other people respond. And they took me to, or invited me to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And that was on October the 23rd, 1985. I walked into the 530 meeting at the Tosca Sita Club in Humboldt, Texas and picked up a desired chip and I haven't had a drink since. I got a sponsor and I started working the steps and my sponsor and I did that third step prayer together. And about the same time I heard this story that kind of made the third step prayer make sense to me. And the story was about this young man and the old man and they were standing by this corral and the young man looked at the old man and said, this is a good day.
And the old man said, we'll see. And the corral got open and all the horses ran away. And the old man said, this is a bad day. And the old man said, we'll see. Now a few days later they came back and they brought with them this beautiful stallion and the young man said, this is a good day. And the old man said, we'll see. And a few days later the guy got on the horse, the young man and trying to break the horse and fell off and broke his leg.
And he said, this is a bad day. And the old man said, we'll see. And a few days later war broke out and they came to get the young man and he couldn't go because his leg was broken. He said, this is a good day. And the old man said, we'll see. And I like that story because it's, I, you know, when I finished my third step prayer, my sponsor said, your future is none of your business. And I started trusting God with my life.
And I was so glad I had done that third step prayer because life wasn't going to be that easy. I was going to go through some hard things in sobriety and I was so glad I did that third step prayer and started trusting God with my life. I had about a year or so sober. The marriage was getting worse. It was worse after I got sober than before. I think he liked me better drunk than he did sober. And I couldn't leave him and I couldn't stay.
And I couldn't leave him and I couldn't stay. And I just kept doing that serenity prayer and I couldn't stay and I couldn't go. And I got really, really sick and ended up in a psychiatric hospital and they didn't know what to do with me. So they put me on the alcoholic ward and it was, I had the best time y'all. It was like a 17 day convention. They handed me a big book. We had meet-ins. They took us to meet-ins.
I mean, I had, I had, I had a blast. If any of y'all need a break, just go check into psychiatric hospital. And while I was in there, I was able to make the decision to leave the marriage.
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But here I am, legally blind, two kids and no job skills. And I didn't know how in the world I was going to support myself. And I contacted the commission for the blinds office and they sent a counselor over there that picked me up from that hospital and took me to public housing for blind people. I got to this little, it was like a little apartment complex. They had probably 16 apartments, something like that.
And it was night, you know, I'd gotten there probably four or five in the afternoon, six, something like that. I was hurting so bad inside. I was so full of fear. I didn't know what my future was going to hold. And I, I knew what y'all told me, I need a meeting. So I, I went outside first because I heard some of the people in other apartments giggle in and laughing and having a good time, you know, and I walked over there first and, and I saw that they were all drinking.
And I went back into that apartment and I called Alcoholics Anonymous to find out where the closest meeting was to where I, to where I was staying. And I called the group that was there and I told them my name is Gay N. and I need a ride to a meeting. Can somebody pick me up? The guy that answered the phone said, hey Jack, can you pick up this lady? Hey Mary, can you pick up this lady? Hey Susan, hey George.
There wasn't one person that night that was willing to drive and pick me up for a meeting. And y'all told me that there would come a time when none of y'all would be around, that I needed to go through these steps and develop a relationship with God because there'd come that day that it was just going to be God and me. And I was glad y'all had taught me that. They did tell me how to get there by bus.
I wasn't real familiar with my surroundings. I'd only lived there a couple of hours and I walked a couple of blocks to the bus stop and got on the wrong bus going the wrong way and it took me a couple of hours to get back and I never made it to a meeting that night. I called someone from my home group, which was like 30, 40 miles away. Somebody came over, picked me up. We drove over to that club. I met people.
I never had a problem getting a ride after that. I learned the bus system, you know, so I knew how to get there. I got involved in this program because the Commission for the Blind had to offer, it's called a business enterprise program that helps blind people become self-employed. But you know, while I was living in this public housing for blind people, I learned so much, you know, and doing my third-step prayer and that little story that I heard that of myself, I don't know a good day from a bad day.
Of myself, I don't know a tragedy from a miracle. And living in that public housing for blind people was just really good for me. I had never been around anyone with a visual impairment before and it was so refreshing, you know, to be around people like me. I could see better than all of them because I was just up at the top end of the blindness scale, you know. And there was one lady that would call me, an older lady, and her name was Elsie.
And Elsie would say, Gay, can you take me to the store to get some ice cream? And I said, sure, Elsie. And I'd go get Elsie and Elsie would hold onto my arm and we'd walk a couple of blocks to the store and she'd get her ice cream. And that feeling of uselessness and self-pity started going away from me. And there was another lady, her name was Nancy, and she called, too, and she said, hey, Gay, can you take me on a beer run?
I said, sure, Nancy, y'all taught me nobody's going to stop drinking until it's their time. So she'd hold onto my arm and we'd walk to the, you know, the two-foot box to the convenience store so that she could get her beer. One day when we were walking, I asked Nancy, I said, why are you blind? And she said, well, that when she was a little girl that her mother got mad at her and picked up a fork and poked it in her eyes.
And the next night she told me a different story, and the next night she told me a different story. You know how us alcoholics are. But I told Nancy a few things, too. You see, she was holding onto my arm and couldn't get back without me. And I told her about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. After I left this public housing for blind people, I was living in, I moved to San Antonio,
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Texas. That's where I live right now. And I opened up this facility, you know, through this program, through the Commission for the Blind. And I was running a coffee shop at an industrial plant that had like 300 employees, and I ran the little coffee shop. I had two employees. I'd gone through about three months of training. And here again, I was living in an area I was unfamiliar with. I was walking out in a part of town that's not real safe, you know, Callahan, inside the Lube, which means nothing to y'all.
And carrying $200 of opening cash, you know, at 6 in the morning, or 6.30 in the morning, it was still dark, and I was afraid, you know. And there again, I'm so glad I did that third step prayer, trusting God with my life. And the second or third day of work there, this lady comes in, and she said, I'm your food salesman, you know. And I said, I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to order here. And so she started opening the cabinets and the refrigerator and started placing an order for me based on what the previous manager had ordered.
And I do not know how we got on the subject, but that lady was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And she started picking me up and taking me to meetings and became my sponsor. God has taken such good care of me. A week or so later, it was raining. And after the meeting, we went to the little coffee shop, the, you know, gyms. And we were visiting, and it was raining. And I mentioned, you know, that walking to work wouldn't be too much fun that next morning.
And this guy said, Gay, let me pick you up and take you to work. And for the next year, he picked me up and took me to work. I gave him $5 a week, a dollar for each, you know, a dollar a day for a ride because I wanted to be self-supporting, declining outside contributions. And I probably didn't cover his gas. But anyway, there are times that I close up that coffee shop, lock the doors and get on my knees and say, thank you, God.
Thank you for giving me a job. I had never supported myself before. I'm not real good on time. My kids are already grown by this time, and my son wants to go to college. And so we drove out to the college that's in the town, UTSA. And while we were out there, I filled out an application too, almost giggling as I did it. And I was so shocked they accepted me as a student. And I took a class with my son, and I scored higher than he did.
I studied. He didn't. Made a little difference. But I was accepting visual aids, you know. I used a telescope that helped me read the blackboard. I used note takers. I taped all my classes. One of the classes that was really difficult was statistics because there was so much, I had to use so many different visual aids to try to keep up with that class. One of the classes I took was a science class, and we were studying the brain.
And the professor told us, you know, to go to the local store and buy some brain. And so I did. And I went to the store, and I said, I'd like to buy an ounce of brain. He said, what kind do you want? I said, what kind do you have? And he said, well, we have a lawyer's brain. It's $1,000. We have a doctor's brain, and it's $2,000. And we have an alcoholic's brain, and it's $5,000. And I said, why in the world would an alcoholic's brain cost so much?
And he said, it's never been used. I told that story at a conference that I spoke at a few years ago, and after I finished talking, he came up to me, this guy came up to me, and he said, was that a true story? I told him to keep coming back. Anyway, in 2001, I graduated magna cum laude. And that was just a gift of Alcoholics Anonymous. Anonymous. I believe that sponsors that have sponsors make the best sponsors. I continue
[00:30:03]
to do my 10th, 11th, and 12th step. The way that I do it, the 10th step tells me to continue to take personal inventory. The 4th step shows me how to do an inventory. So if there's anything that's getting to me, I go from 4 through 9. A few weeks ago, there was one of those little things that was trying to hook me, and I sat down and did a written 10th step, which was 4 through 9. I got to 5, and I couldn't get a hold of my sponsor. Not that I call my sponsor, because a lot of stuff after 19 years of sobriety, you don't have to call your sponsor about. But this is one of those things I knew I needed to say out loud. Couldn't get a hold of her, so I did a 5th step on her answering machine. Because I wanted to get on to 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th and feel that freedom that this program has given me, you know, by working these steps. In the 11th step, I continue to do prayer and meditation.
But you know, it seems like we almost ought to go backwards. You know, there is, to explain the steps, there's no way I can go out and do service work in step 12 if I haven't done my 11th step and made contact with God. There's no way I can make contact with God if I haven't done my 10th step, and you know, I have stuff blocking me from God. You know, I couldn't do 4 through 9 if I hadn't done the 3rd step and turned my life over to God. I couldn't do the 3rd step if I, in step 2, didn't believe there was a God. And you know, why would I even care whether there was a God if I hadn't already admitted that my life, that I'm powerless over alcohol and my life's unmanageable. I have not found, and maybe one of y'all can help me out, but I haven't found anywhere in the big book where it says that I'll ever be able to start managing my life again. That I need this power greater than myself to manage my life now just like I did then. I like what it says on page 25, that this is the great fact and nothing less that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude towards, uh, someone help me out, towards God, our fellows, God's universe. I'm not saying that exactly right. But you know, that I, that my whole attitude and outlook on life would change. That's what the big book tells me.
The big book tells me that when agitated or doubtful to ask God for the right thoughts or actions, God's constantly, you know, helping me look at life from a different way than I've ever looked at it before. I had a sponsor that used to tell me, Gay, there's another way of looking at this other than the way you're looking at it right now. Gay, there's another way of looking at this other than the way you're looking at it right now. And when I was willing to do that, to look at it differently than the way I was looking at it, that's when I was making room for God. I like in the, in how it works, where it said we had to let go of the old ideals and the result is nil until we let go absolutely.
You know, I have, you know, this program has taught me a new way, a new outlook on life. And I got that new outlook and I continue to have a new outlook as I continue working these steps. I can't make it on yesterday's sobriety. I've got to do this deal all over again today. I heard somebody in a meeting one night say that the highest you get in Alcoholics Anonymous is sober. And I went home and something about that bothered me.
And I couldn't figure out what it was, you know, and it finally occurred to me if sober is all I got out of this program, I wouldn't be here. You know, this program has given me so much more than sobriety. It's given me integrity. It's given me dignity. It's taught me how to love, you know, in a way. It's removed that selfishness and self-pity. And when that creeps back in, I have the tools of this program to know how to work through it. One of the prayers that I say in the morning is, God, how may I serve you today?
And that prayer has taken me on many journeys. To give you an example, one morning after saying that prayer, the phone rang. And it was this guy that was totally blind. And his son was in the emergency room. Could my husband and I take him to see his son? And I said, sure. And we got in the car. And the emergency room was two and a half hours away. And his son had overdosed. And so we were planning just to drop him off. And he was going to
[00:35:01]
stay there a few days and, you know, take a bus back or whatever the arrangements were to come back. And I don't know how it happened, but I ended up sitting on the emergency room bed with a 20-year-old boy holding his hands in mine, telling him about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's not how I intended to spend my day. And, you know, when I'm ready, I don't have to worry about what service work I'm going to do because when I'm open to God, God leads me wherever it is I need to be, you know. Today I'm here, you know.
Another prayer that I say is, God, let me accept the abundance that you have in store for me. I didn't have a clue how to know how to let life be good. And to me, you know, God, don't let me block, you know, let me accept the abundance that you have in store for me is just like saying, thy will be done. Because my concept of God is that he wants me to be happy, joyous, and free. And the only thing that blocks that in my life is me. I'm not saying that everything goes through, you know, goes good all the time, you know.
Things happen, you know. Lots of things happen. But this program has taught me a new way to respond to those things that happened that used to be so traumatic. And it didn't take much for it to be a trauma. I, one of the ladies that I was sponsoring, we were attending a Saturday morning meeting and she was on the grapevine committee. And on the way home, she was dropping me off at the house. She had this envelope and this information and she said, Gay, I think you should write your story and send it in for the big book. And I thought, sure, yeah, right, whatever. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings because she was doing what I was asking her to do. So I was in school at the time and I quickly typed out my story the best I could and put it in the mail. I think she gave me this information and the cutoff date was the next day or the day after. It was, you know, she hadn't given me much notice. But I did it. And three and a half years later, I got a letter in the mail that the fourth edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous had been approved and my story had been selected to be in that book. And that has been truly an awesome honor.
I called my sponsor and I, I didn't tell anybody for a while. I was in a state of shock. But when that wore off, you know, I called my sponsor and I told her and she said, Gay, it's just a 12-step call. A very big 12-step call, but just a 12-step call. And, you know, it's been, like I said, an awesome honor to be part of AA in that way. I can remember that when I was one year sober, I went to a women's retreat and I was moaning and groaning and complaining about how I was going to have to continue to work these steps and I was going to have to do another four-step or whatever. And this lady turned around and looked at me and she said, You don't have to do a four-step. You get to do a four-step.
And my whole attitude again and outlook on life changed. And I started looking at this program as a gift. I don't have to do this program. I get to do this program. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous is a gift. I have a friend in the program. We call him Big Book Dick. And he refers to the program of Alcoholics, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a love story. A love story between God and God's people. If I haven't, if I've gone through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and I haven't learned anything about love and tolerance, I've missed the whole point of the book. Not that I'm loving and tolerant at all times, but when I'm not, I work those steps, you know, so I can get back to that spot. There are a lot of Big Book thumpers out there. And to me, the Big Book thumpers come in two categories. The Big Book bashers and the Big Book lovers. And I thank God for the Big Book lovers because they have taught me so much about this program that I just couldn't hear from the Big Book bashers even though they knew the book. They just didn't seem to, you know, who they were was shouting so loud I couldn't hear what they were saying.
[00:40:00]
But these people that love the Big Book and have taken their time to share it with me, their understanding of the book, so that the Big Book became alive for me, I thank God for those people in my life. Going through these 12 steps, I have developed a trust in God that's absolutely amazing. I shared my story at my home group a few months ago and one of the people I sponsor, you know, that we share just for like on Mondays, we share, everybody shares their story for 15-20 minutes, something like that. And then it's open discussion.
And one of the guys that I sponsor said, I think I finally figured out what it is about Gay. Her confidence in God is so strong. And that's just the gift of working these steps, you know, to develop a faith in God. The Big Book tells me that God either is or He isn't. What's my choice going to be? Either I'm going to believe or I'm not going to believe. And today I choose to believe in this power greater than myself. Why not believe? This power greater than myself has performed miracles in my life. I've gone through this day, this whole day, and I haven't taken a drink of alcohol. And for a drunk like me, that's a miracle. I am not a speaker, and yet I stand before you sharing my story. I am not college material, and I have a degree. And I hear y'all's stories. I hear y'all talking, and I hear the miracles that have happened in your life. I can touch somebody's life that nobody else can touch.
And because of what you've been through, exactly the way you've been through, you can touch someone's life that nobody else can touch. And I had this experience. I attended a meeting, and we were going around the circle and sharing, and the girl to the right of me was concerned that she might have to go to this prison kind of treatment center, St. Pete or St. Pete or something. And I had nothing to share with her because I hadn't been there. But the guy sitting to my left had. He had been there and shared with her how it had changed his life. And I got to sit there watching one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic and watching that miracle happen. And it happens every day all over the place. One alcoholic talking to another alcoholic, and a miracle happens. And that miracle is recovery. Welcome you newcomers. Keep coming back if you want more excitement, more fun than you've ever had in your life. Just keep coming back and working these steps.
When I was newly sober, there was this guy that told me that he wanted to find happiness and that he started searching. And he went from one place to another, and he kept being sent other places because he wanted to find true happiness. And he ended up in some remote country on the top of some mountain, you know, talking to some guru who was supposed to know the secrets of life and how he could find true happiness. And so he got up there and he said, I've been all over the world. I have searched for true happiness. Can you tell me what it is? The guy said, I sure can. Get a big book, go to meetings, and work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was young, we used to sing this song that went, in heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. And when we're gone from here, my friends will be drinking all our beer. I've written new words to that song, you know. In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. But since I've stopped drinking beer, I have found heaven right here. Thank you all for letting me share my story with you.
Wasn't that wonderful? Thank you, Gay. Appreciate it. Don't forget to take all your stuff off the tables, and as you leave the room, then you'll be let back in. So, with that again, I'd like to thank everybody for being here. Everybody be real quiet. Plus again, the people who made the food. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank Plus, again, the people who made the food, from decorating this room, this wouldn't be possible, so thank you.
[00:45:07]
So let's close the meeting in the usual way, thank you.