Audio
Transcript
Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 928 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: rob-relationships-nasac-durban-2007.mp3 Duration: 00:13:24
============================================================
Hi, my name is Rob, I'm an addict, and as you can hear, I'm from the Western Cape. Recovery and relationships, it's hectic. I've had a sponsor for as long as I am clean, and he's stuck with me through a lot of stuff. And I remember, he always used to tell me in the beginning, you know what, recovery is all about relationships. I was like, what's this dude about, man? I thought it's like all about staying clean. But what I found in the little time that I am clean, is that putting the drugs down wasn't that difficult. It's all the stuff that came afterwards that was really, really difficult. Which is really funny, earlier I just had to run off to the head, and I got Gareth at the back there, and he came to see how I was doing, to see if I was nervous. And then I just answered that, you know what, with the power behind me, the task ahead is never great. And that's amazing. I started working with Steps a while back, and I think the first glimpse I got of my higher powers in Step 2, we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. It was the first time that I've had to look outside of myself. You know what, I saw that I couldn't do things alone. And that's amazing, man. You know what, I struggled in the beginning. I really, really, really struggled with the concept of a higher power and stuff like that. But you know what, that relationship has really, really blessed my life. I believe I came in here hectic. I was broken when I walked into the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. And you know what, like everyone else, I sort of bent every bridge around me. So you know what, I got sent to a treatment facility, and sure I rocked up there. And you know what I did, for the first week before I went into treatment, I went around with my mother, who was a serious codependent. And I was on the internet, and I googled all the treatment facilities in Cape Town, and I sort of spent my first week being clean, you know, driving around the Western Cape, going to visit recovery centres to see what they looked like, to see where I could recover. And eventually I decided on this place, with a very big tree in the Western Cape, some of you all know it, and sort of I was there. I was there for 21 days. And they introduced me to a lot of stuff, but the greatest thing I got there was the introduction to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.
I think it was my second or third meeting where I got to meet my sponsor. And you know what, I heard him sharing from across the room, and he shared, and you know what, I felt a connection almost instantly, and I asked this guy to be my sponsor. And he said, I'll tempt you in the meantime, dude, but you have to call me a couple of times a week. There's certain things that you have to do. And I was like, what? No one told me this is going to take effort, dude.
And that's what it's taken, and that's what this programme has taught me, that I've got to put in the effort. And you know what, I started calling this guy slowly but surely, but almost, you know what, it seemed like absolutely nothing was happening. I sort of was very, very closed up to the idea of a higher power, and really what the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous could do for me in my life. I was very set in the mindset that, you know what, it's still got to be Rob's way, I have to have that control in my life.
And eventually, after four months in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, I picked up again, and that was the Friday, and I think by the Sunday, I came home, and I walked in by the front door, and I thought I was going to be really honest, and I was like, you know what, mum, I've relapsed. And that's what she thought on Friday already, when I didn't get home from work. But what was amazing was, I remember, I just left secondary care, like a few days prior to that, and you know, all the people that I sort of spent time with in the community there, you know what, they came to my house, they picked me up, they took me to a meeting.
[00:05:01]
It was still the Monday night CBD meeting in Maltino Road. I put up my hand for one day clean, and you know what, fuck, man, I heard people clap, they cheered, and I got hugs, and the message was that night, keep coming back. And that's what I did. And slowly but surely, I started putting action into my program. I started working with Steps, I started working with a sponsor, and my life's gotten a lot better since then.
What the Steps really gave me was an insight into who Robert was, and you know, once I started working with Steps, and all the writing and all the looking inside myself, it really gave me a sense of self-acceptance, and that was the first startings of a relationship with myself. And today that relationship is a lot better. I don't have to impress people anymore, I don't have to put myself out there, you know what, I'm okay with me, you know what, I'm Rob, I'm an addict, and this is me, warts and all, man, you take it or leave it.
And in this fellowship, I've been accepted, I felt a part of from a very, very early stage in my recovery, which is absolutely amazing. And then sort of, you know what, trust of my family really wasn't there, and I remember through working in this fellowship and doing what was suggested to me, you know what, that relationship's got a lot better. Because I've worked in the Steps and worked on the relationship with myself, it's given me the opportunity to have relationships with other people. I believe it's important, you know what, you can't have a relationship with anyone else unless you have a relationship with yourself.
And the relationship that I have with myself, it's like one of the blessings I have from my HP. You know what, he's been really, really kind to me. And it's absolutely rocking, I remember. It's like a couple of, I'll just run you through certain stages in my recovery and sort of what's happened. You know what, when I was in early recovery, I think I was about three months clean. I got involved with the convention committee in the Western Cape with Neil C. You guys heard him chair meeting yesterday. He's really funny, but you know what, it really, really got me involved in the fellowship. I started being with people, spending time with people, and you know what, they loved me and it made me okay to love myself.
And it's through that type of action that I really, really got it. And it's through their actions that I can show that love to someone else coming into the fellowship and be there for someone else. You know what, the circle is amazing, man. I sort of, when I was in the first treatment center, I remember one of my acquaintances in active addiction was the recovery assistant. He's sitting over there. He had bigger hair then. But you know what, he walked into the facility and I was sitting there, I was smoking a cigarette and I was like, yeah, yeah, this is great.
And I just heard this giggle from behind and I was like, what the fuck are you doing here? But he's been amazing in my recovery. For my first year of recovery, he picked me up for about two meetings a week. We did volleyball every Saturday. I mean, you know what, I was really, really, you know what, I was swallowed up by this fellowship and this is why I'm here today. I think I got my one year clean and that was an amazing experience for me.
My family played a really, really big part in my recovery. It's amazing. I get messages from my parents, my baby sister, every month, whether it be the 30th or the 31st of the month. It's like, well done, another month clean. It's fucking amazing, man. You know what, these are people that thought I was a lost soul and it's through this fellowship that I've gotten these blessings back. I remember my one year was amazing, man. Not only has this fellowship allowed me to be me within these rooms.
Not only has it allowed me to be myself within these rooms, but it's given me the courage to be myself out of these rooms. I've created friendships and bonds outside of these rooms, which are amazing.
[00:10:15]
My one year there were more non-addicts than there were addicts at the meeting, which is absolutely amazing. I think everything is a relationship in life today. It's how you relate to anyone, anywhere. You walk in here, you start registering. I didn't know what he has. I sort of got his number through the emails. I just got here and I spoke to him. It's about walking in, just chatting to someone. If I came in here and I was a total arsehole, I clearly wouldn't have been welcomed.
It's about how we practice the spiritual principles in our lives and how we carry that through. This life truly is all about relationships. You know what, I'm blessed as well. The one suggestion I didn't follow was the relationship suggestion. I sort of got into a relationship when I was two days clean. That's what I did. I'm a great theorist for my sponsor. My sponsor was like, you know what, I think you should end it. I was like, no. The one boundary that was firm in early recovery, man. He made it okay for me. He said, you know what, this will probably end up in flames.
But you know what, I'm here for you and we speak about this for at least ten minutes a session. And I was like, you know what, that's what I did. And I mean, I struggled in my first day of recovery with an intimate relationship. And I think the reason why I struggled was I didn't have that relationship with myself. But I really, really had to work on that relationship, man. And I put in the work and I put in the effort. And eventually I'm still with that person today. It's been three years on. It's absolutely amazing. Just before the meeting started, she SMSed me and she's like, you know what, I might not hear you, but I'm there with you in spirit. And it's these things that touch me.
You know what, sorry guys, I'm a little bit biased, but the fellowship in the Western Cape, that's my fellowship, baby. The Western Cape has really, really made it possible for me to become who I am today. And there's a whole lot of them who play a big part in my recovery in the front rows. Yeah, I'd just like to say thank you. Thank you for the honor of having me share. And it's been amazing. Thanks.