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[00:00:00.720 – 00:00:01.520] And I'm like Charlie. [00:00:01.520 – 00:00:05.420] I spent many, many years in my life, many hours of my life thinking. [00:00:05.420 – 00:00:10.080] My mind was racing uncontrollably, figuring out some way I could get even with those people. [00:00:10.080 – 00:00:13.180] And I finally figured out a way to get even with them. [00:00:13.180 – 00:00:15.860] Well, the way you get even with people is you pray for them. [00:00:15.860 – 00:00:18.240] And when you pray for them, then you're even. [00:00:18.240 – 00:00:19.939] And you see, I didn't know that.

[00:00:19.939 – 00:00:29.280] And after I got sober, I'd been sober about three or four months, I went to a little conference in Apache, Oklahoma, and I met a lady there some of you know. [00:00:29.280 – 00:00:30.700] Her name was Alabama Carruthers. [00:00:30.700 – 00:00:32.750] Some of you all knew Alabama. [00:00:32.750 – 00:00:35.100] She became a big influence on my life. [00:00:35.100 – 00:00:38.460] And she said a couple of things that night that really struck me. [00:00:38.460 – 00:00:48.480] She said she had a soul sickness, and I could identify with that because my last night of drinking, I was sitting on a bar stool, and I had a real sick feeling in my stomach, and [00:00:48.480 – 00:00:49.820] it wasn't a throwing up type sick.

[00:00:49.820 – 00:00:50.740] It was sick feeling. [00:00:50.740 – 00:00:52.860] And she said it was a soul sickness. [00:00:52.860 – 00:00:57.640] I said, "That's what I had, a soul sickness." And, and then she said another thing that night. [00:00:57.640 – 00:01:04.239] She said, "I have peace of mind today." And boy, I mean, that really struck me because that's all I'd ever wanted was peace of mind. [00:01:04.239 – 00:01:05.900] And I loved Alabama. [00:01:05.900 – 00:01:08.800] She was always excited about life and what was gonna happen next. [00:01:08.800 – 00:01:18.800] And then after that m- meeting was over with, we were sitting around the lobby of this hotel, and it was about three o'clock in the morning, and, uh, I was sitting there watching Alabama operate,

[00:01:18.800 – 00:01:20.000] and I wasn't saying anything. [00:01:20.000 – 00:01:25.600] Finally, it was just Alabama and myself and our little sponsor, George, a little Black guy laying in her lap. [00:01:25.600 – 00:01:28.390] And, uh, I began to talk to Alabama. [00:01:28.390 – 00:01:30.740] I said, "Alabama, you said you had peace of mind tonight. [00:01:30.740 – 00:01:32.740] How did you get peace of mind? [00:01:32.740 – 00:01:42.770] I want peace of mind." And she said, "Well, Joe, tell me what's going on in your mind." And I told her how I was going to meetings and going to meetings and going to meetings, but at that night, I'd go home [00:01:42.770 – 00:01:47.900] and lay down, and my mind would fly over when I began to think about all those situations that we talked about.

[00:01:47.900 – 00:01:53.640] And she said, "Well, Joe, you're just full of resentments." And I said, "What is a resentment?" See, I didn't know. [00:01:53.640 – 00:02:03.660] She said a resentment was old angers and old hurts that are re-felt over and over again, over again, and all that anger that you intended to use up on your, on them, you're turning it on [00:02:03.660 – 00:02:06.700] yourself and making yourself sick and blaming it on them. [00:02:06.700 – 00:02:10.039] She explained that to me, and it took a while for me to understand. [00:02:10.039 – 00:02:11.380] Finally, I did. [00:02:11.380 – 00:02:15.580] And she– I said, "Well, is there any solutions for these?" And she said, "Yes, there is. [00:02:15.580 – 00:02:20.500] This happens to be," and she referred to page sixty-seven and showed me this information here.

[00:02:20.500 – 00:02:30.520] And she said, "Some of those deep-seated resentments like you have, you're gonna need some additional help." And she said, "On page five fifty-one of this book is a story who, of a lady [00:02:30.520 – 00:02:32.220] who had those deep-seated resentments. [00:02:32.220 – 00:02:41.520] And if you would turn to that page in the book," she said, "we'll read and see what it s- it had to say." Well, Alabama had a purse that was about this big. [00:02:41.520 – 00:02:45.960] And it was about that deep, and she began to look in that p- purse. [00:02:45.960 – 00:02:46.620] You know how they are. [00:02:46.620 – 00:02:47.930] They're just digging around. [00:02:47.930 – 00:02:50.400] And she finally found this, one of these books.

[00:02:50.400 – 00:02:52.620] I didn't think she was ever gonna find it. [00:02:52.620 – 00:03:03.140] She pulled it out of there, and she said, "Well, let's look at page five fifty-one and see what this says." So I turned over to page five fifty-one in her book, and then on the third paragraph, she [00:03:03.140 – 00:03:11.900] said, this book says that, "I've had many spiritual experiences since I've been in the program, many that I didn't recognize right away, for I'm slow to learn, and they take many guises. [00:03:11.900 – 00:03:16.640] But one was so outstanding, I like to pass it on whenever I can, and I hope that it will help someone else as it helped me. [00:03:16.640 – 00:03:26.720] As I said earlier, self-pity and resentment were my constant companions, and my inventory began to look like a thirty-three-year diary, for I seemed to have a resentment against everybody [00:03:26.720 – 00:03:27.400] I'd ever known. [00:03:27.400 – 00:03:37.060] All but one responded to the treatment suggested in the steps immediately." All but one automatically began to disappear when she saw how dumb they really were.

[00:03:37.060 – 00:03:39.020] "But this one posed a problem. [00:03:39.020 – 00:03:41.860] It was against my mother, and it was twenty-five years old. [00:03:41.860 – 00:03:49.960] I had fed it, fanned it, and nurtured it as one might a delicate child, and it had become as much a part of my, of me as my breathing. [00:03:49.960 – 00:03:58.180] Now, it had provided me with my excuses for my lack of education, my marital failures, personal failures, inadequacies, and of course, my alcoholism. [00:03:58.180 – 00:04:02.780] And though I really thought I'd been willing to part with it now, I knew I was reluctant to let it go. [00:04:02.780 – 00:04:07.920] One morning, however, I realized I had to get rid of it, for my reprieve was running out. [00:04:07.920 – 00:04:11.440] And if I didn't get rid of it, I was gonna get drunk, and I didn't want to get drunk anymore.

[00:04:11.440 – 00:04:16.039] In my prayers that morning, I asked God to point out to me some way to be free of this resentment. [00:04:16.039 – 00:04:26.100] During the day, a friend of mine brought me some magazines to take to a hospital group I was interested in, and I looked through them, and a banner across the front of one featured an article by a [00:04:26.100 – 00:04:31.620] prominent clergyman in which I caught the word resentment." Now, he said in effect, and here it is. [00:04:31.620 – 00:04:38.780] He said, "If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. [00:04:38.780 – 00:04:43.219] If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. [00:04:43.219 – 00:04:47.740] Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. [00:04:47.740 – 00:04:53.380] Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway.

[00:04:53.380 – 00:05:03.500] Do it every day for two weeks, and you'll find that you've come to mean it and want it for them and that you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness, resentment, and hatred, you now feel compassion, [00:05:03.500 – 00:05:14.159] understanding, and love." Well, I went home after that meeting, and I got in my bed that Sunday night, laid down, and my old mind flipped over again and started racing uncontrollably. [00:05:14.159 – 00:05:20.360] And I said, "Well, I think I'll pray for those people." So I started praying for those people that night, and my list got longer. [00:05:20.360 – 00:05:27.060] The next day, I prayed for those people again, and that afternoon, I prayed for those people, and that night, I prayed for those people. [00:05:27.060 – 00:05:30.060] It– And I don't know how long it went on, but it was two or three weeks or more. [00:05:30.060 – 00:05:30.560] I don't know. [00:05:30.560 – 00:05:36.220] But it seemed like I was in constant prayer for day and night, praying for those people.

[00:05:36.220 – 00:05:46.180] I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know that one morning, it was one of the beautiful spring mornings we have in Oklahoma, and the whole l– I got stuck in this stoplight. [00:05:46.180 – 00:05:48.380] Just the length of a stoplight is what happened. [00:05:48.380 – 00:05:52.880] I looked over at that beautiful house sitting over there, and the grass was so green. [00:05:52.880 – 00:05:53.920] It was just beautiful. [00:05:53.920 – 00:05:55.580] The greenest green I'd ever seen. [00:05:55.580 – 00:05:58.140] The tulips were in full bloom, red and yellow. [00:05:58.140 – 00:06:08.616] The little squirrels were in the trees, and the birds were in the trees whistling, and I got, "Is this a beautiful morning?" And I thought to myself, "My God, how long has it been since I've seen

[00:06:08.616 – 00:06:09.886] You know, I could not remember. [00:06:09.886 – 00:06:11.745] I could not remember. [00:06:11.745 – 00:06:17.376] And when this book talks about being cut off from the sunlight of the Spirit, I really do know what that means. [00:06:17.376 – 00:06:18.116] I really do. [00:06:18.116 – 00:06:20.556] Because that morning, it was so vivid. [00:06:20.556 – 00:06:30.376] Now, what happened was that those people did not change, but my thoughts and feelings toward them did change, you see, and has never returned again. [00:06:30.376 – 00:06:33.276] Thank God for this program called Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:06:33.276 – 00:06:36.756] I've been there, and I don't want to ever return again. [00:06:36.756 – 00:06:44.176] I think the reason this works so well is prayer for another human being. [00:06:44.176 – 00:06:54.366] Prayer for their welfare and their happiness is probably one of the greatest expressions of love that one human being can have for another. [00:06:54.366 – 00:06:58.576] And love and hate can't exist on the same plane. [00:06:58.576 – 00:07:09.016] And as we pray for that human being, asking that God give them in their life the same thing we want in ours, peace of mind, serenity, [00:07:09.016 – 00:07:15.916] happiness, et cetera, over a period of time, that resentment will begin to disappear. [00:07:15.916 – 00:07:19.336] Sometimes it just takes two or three prayers.

[00:07:19.336 – 00:07:22.916] Sometimes it takes every day for two weeks. [00:07:22.916 – 00:07:26.696] Sometimes it might take every day for two months. [00:07:26.696 – 00:07:36.696] But if we will consistently do it, we will find sooner or later that that resentment is replaced with [00:07:36.696 – 00:07:39.636] love, and the resentment disappears. [00:07:39.636 – 00:07:48.516] Now, if you've got a resentment that you don't want to get rid of, for God's sake, don't pray about them. [00:07:48.516 – 00:07:51.616] Because if you do, you're going to lose it. [00:07:51.616 – 00:07:51.956] I know.

[00:07:51.956 – 00:07:53.396] I speak from experience. [00:07:53.396 – 00:07:58.276] You know, I had a guy that I really, really, really resented. [00:07:58.276 – 00:08:04.436] And again, I think I would gladly have put him away if I could have gotten by with it without getting caught. [00:08:04.436 – 00:08:09.956] And when I got to this part of the inventory, I, I went to my sponsor. [00:08:09.956 – 00:08:12.916] Now, this is going to be one of those take it to the grave resentments. [00:08:12.916 – 00:08:15.856] I had no desire to remove it at all. [00:08:15.856 – 00:08:20.695] And I'd worked on all the others, but this one is stuck in there.

[00:08:20.695 – 00:08:31.396] And I went to my sponsor, and I told him about it, and he said, "Charlie, you've got to get rid of that resentment." And I said, "I don't want to get rid of this resentment." He [00:08:31.396 – 00:08:41.436] said, "Well, that's beside the point." He said, "If you don't get rid of it, sooner or later it's going to get you drunk." And in my smart mouth of me, I said, "Well, how in the hell do I [00:08:41.436 – 00:08:47.336] do it?" And he said, "Let me show you." And he took me to this prayer, too. [00:08:47.336 – 00:08:57.356] And he said, "Now read that and go home and do what it says, and you will get rid of that resentment." And I went home and got down on my knees, which again, I very seldom did [00:08:57.356 – 00:08:58.156] in those days. [00:08:58.156 – 00:09:08.196] And I said, "God, I want you to give that son of a bitch everything he deserves." And [00:09:08.196 – 00:09:10.336] that's the only prayer I had for him that day.

[00:09:10.336 – 00:09:19.656] And I prayed again and again and again, and three or four or five days later, I don't know when, I found myself saying something I didn't really mean to say. [00:09:19.656 – 00:09:30.676] I found myself saying, "God, give him in his life what I want in mine, the same peace of mind, serenity, and happiness that I seek for myself." And [00:09:30.676 – 00:09:39.196] four or five or six or seven days later, I don't know when, I woke up one morning, and that resentment was gone, completely gone. [00:09:39.196 – 00:09:42.256] And it's never returned since that date. [00:09:42.256 – 00:09:47.936] And I think the irony in the whole situation is it wasn't thirty days later. [00:09:47.936 – 00:09:51.456] This guy moved in as my next-door neighbor. [00:09:51.456 – 00:09:55.676] This thing really does work.

[00:09:55.676 – 00:10:02.156] See, what I learned from this experience is that love is forgiving, and love is forgiving, you see. [00:10:02.156 – 00:10:12.516] Now, just think, this old head up here that these display cases over here were filled with resentments has [00:10:12.516 – 00:10:13.616] now been emptied out. [00:10:13.616 – 00:10:20.256] The resentments, the damaged and unsalable goods called resentment has now been removed from my mind. [00:10:20.256 – 00:10:29.836] Now, when that happens to me, there's another natural law that applies that says nature abhors a vacuum. [00:10:29.836 – 00:10:33.156] No such thing as a vacuum or a void. [00:10:33.156 – 00:10:35.776] There's always something trying to rush in and fill it up.

[00:10:35.776 – 00:10:42.956] If those resentments disappear, God's not going to leave another hole in my head. [00:10:42.956 – 00:10:44.316] I got enough of those already. [00:10:44.316 – 00:10:48.616] They will have to be replaced with something else. [00:10:48.616 – 00:10:53.156] And the only thing that can replace them will be the opposite of them. [00:10:53.156 – 00:11:03.216] Where my mind used to be filled with resentments, that portion of it is now filled with love, patience, tolerance, compassion, and goodwill [00:11:03.216 – 00:11:04.236] toward my fellow man. [00:11:04.236 – 00:11:06.576] That's God's thinking.

[00:11:06.576 – 00:11:08.996] My thinking was the resentment. [00:11:08.996 – 00:11:12.356] God's thinking is love, patience, tolerance, compassion, and goodwill. [00:11:12.356 – 00:11:16.676] And that part of my mind is now filled with God's thinking. [00:11:16.676 – 00:11:20.376] You see, there's nothing negative here at all. [00:11:20.376 – 00:11:23.216] This is a positive happening. [00:11:23.216 – 00:11:29.276] In part of my mind, I've now got peace of mind, serenity, and happiness. [00:11:29.276 – 00:11:34.696] Much less chance of drinking now than I was when I started the inventory process.

[00:11:34.696 – 00:11:38.176] And what really blew my mind is this. [00:11:38.176 – 00:11:48.216] I didn't have to go to any other fellowships, and I didn't have to read any other books to find love, [00:11:48.216 – 00:11:50.496] patience, tolerance, compassion, and goodwill. [00:11:50.496 – 00:11:59.436] If God dwells within me, and my book says He does, then that's always been a part of my makeup. [00:11:59.436 – 00:12:02.516] I just never could use it before. [00:12:02.516 – 00:12:12.636] In my chase for money, power, prestige, sex, and what I thought were the good things of life, those thoughts had to be repressed to let me operate [00:12:12.636 – 00:12:14.496] on the level I wanted to operate on.

[00:12:14.496 – 00:12:20.496] But now that resentments are gone, they automatically come to the surface. [00:12:20.496 – 00:12:23.716] I've never seen anything like this before. [00:12:23.716 – 00:12:26.996] I don't really understand how this works. [00:12:26.996 – 00:12:37.636] I simply know that if I do the simple things the book tells me to do, this happens automatically, and resentments are replaced [00:12:37.636 – 00:12:41.376] with love, patience, tolerance, compassion, and goodwill toward my fellow man. [00:12:41.376 – 00:12:52.116] But it would do me no good to get rid of resentments if I didn't know how to keep them from coming back, because [00:12:52.116 – 00:12:56.776] the world is full of sick people, and they're going to do it to me again tomorrow.

[00:12:56.776 – 00:13:01.076] And if I'm not careful, I'll resent. [00:13:01.076 – 00:13:05.636] And it seems as though I don't get just one. [00:13:05.636 – 00:13:10.136] When I get one, let me play with it just a little bit, and then I've got two. [00:13:10.136 – 00:13:13.596] And let me play with those two, and then I've got ten. [00:13:13.596 – 00:13:17.836] The next thing you know, I'm a basket case, and I'm sick all over again. [00:13:17.836 – 00:13:20.216] I've got to do one more thing. [00:13:20.216 – 00:13:31.376] Let's unfold those last two columns on your inventory sheet, and let's go to page sixty-seven, and

[00:13:31.376 – 00:13:35.836] we'll see if we can't find the information to fill out the last two columns.