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Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Multi Speakers – SOBER VALUES – RS 06418.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-multi-speakers-sober-values-rs-06418.mp3 Duration: 01:14:29
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I'm an alcoholic, and I'm representing the people of southern Wisconsin, many of whom are in this room, for which I am grateful. We'll open this meeting with a moment of silence. Please join me in the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I will read the tradition on anonymity. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films. Thus, we respectfully ask that no AA speaker, or indeed any AA member, be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us, and our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities.
I will remind you that tapes of this meeting will be available at the tape sales booth in the convention center. Our subject this afternoon is sober values, and of course any of us could speak on that subject and speak eloquently, but this afternoon three speakers have been chosen who until five minutes ago were strangers to me, and now I feel we are friends. The first one of the speakers is Marilyn C. from Arkansas.
Marilyn? That's great. I'm from Alaska though. I'm Marilyn and I'm an alcoholic. That's neat because I'm so scared. Great, that's why I've written down what I'm going to say so you won't be subject to something that I might forget. To be here and to be asked to talk today and take part in this celebration of life is absolutely thrilling. It's probably the biggest event of my sobriety, and I want to let Vinnie know how much I appreciate the loving invitation.
That was really exciting. In my wildest dreams, either drunk or sober, I don't think I would ever imagine myself here now. To see 50,000 miracles or more gathered together in loving gratitude to meet sobriety from all over the world, to know it's something almost contagious, sobriety that is, I am now very sure that the things that I value today are always in some way related to sobriety. After thinking about the topic of sober values for several weeks and asking questions of other members, trying to figure out just what was, quote, expected of me, I've come to the conclusion that what I'd like to relate to you today is my perception of me, of you, and the rest of the world.
This is through the sober, clear thinking that comes from this program, comes to anyone who is willing to go to any lengths to get it. Today there's a world of which I'm a part, and I'm not the center of it, not the center of it any longer, where I used to think I was, I'm a part of it. Today the world has value, value beyond the now, value beyond how it relates to me and my selfish schemes. Today I am able to recognize that there are things happening in the world and that they're not necessarily happening to me.
The world is just functioning as it is and as it should be, regardless of the fact that sometimes I don't quite understand it. Today I recognize that the world is truly beautiful.
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It's exciting.
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It's not to be feared, but it's to be enjoyed. It's to be investigated. It's to be tasted, to be felt, to be loved, and to be shared. Today I can travel anywhere in the world, and I can feel safe, and I can feel comfortable knowing that the hand of AA is always near, truly a sober value of mine today. Today I realize that I have a place, I have a significant place here, but it is not always center stage.
Sometimes it's backstage. Sometimes it's helping someone else to center stage. Now I recognize that my God was, is, and always will be the significant part of me that gets priority, the piece that makes all the rest possible, the one I listen to because I have today sober values and that I always want to have sober values. You, the other sober members of AA, and the still practicing alcoholics are very important in my life today.
Before coming to this program of Alcoholics Anonymous, people's roles of impatience in my life was in direct proportion of how I could use them. What could you do for me, and how much would it cost me to have you do it? I perceive people as an extension of myself. I was attached by an emotional umbilical cord that I plugged in and pulled out on demand. I was an emotional leech requiring others to fulfill me, demanding more because like booze, more was always required.
The facts today are quite different. People are important to me today because they just are. Each one of you here are especially important to me because if you weren't here today, I'd be talking to an empty room. Today I hope for other people's happiness. I hope for their happiness in life frequently. Now people are exciting, interesting, and they're fun. I don't need to possess them, and I don't need to be possessed by them.
I am able to listen to you and to hear what you are saying, to hear what you're saying without judging what you're saying, judging you. You're a valuable asset in my life, and I am able to recognize that to the sober members of this program who were so generous in sharing how it works, I owe a great debt. Because they shared, I view things differently today. What about me? What do I value differently in me today?
I see myself as a sober person instead of a pitiful loser. I deserve good things to happen, and because of my values today, good things do happen to me. Today my life is a conscious miracle. That is, today I am aware of the significant things that are happening to me every day. For instance, I am very aware that I am a panic-stricken at this moment, but I'm here anyway. I am capable of being a friend and having friends.
I have a past that allows me to feel empathy rather than sympathy for my fellows. Things, stuff, are not able to get the stranglehold on me that they once did, and I am able to let go of people, places, and things consciously. I see value in today, even if yesterday was the pits and tomorrow looks bleak. Because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am a completely different person. I look differently, I think differently, I behave differently.
If you multiply the difference in me by one million, that has got to have a profound effect on the world. I would be willing to say that AA has changed the world. It has altered the attitude of enough people so that the world is better, its values are different. On June 10th, I listened to the news special of Alcoholics Anonymous's 50th birthday. In that special, Lois talked about how Bill W. aspired to changing the world.
I believe that in the most profound way that is exactly what Alcoholics Anonymous has done.
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Having changed their values from selfish to sober values, the two founders of AA have over the past 50 years changed the values of over one million alcoholics from self-centered values to sober values. The world is a better place because of these changes. Not just for me, and not just for you, but for every person in every sober alcoholic's life. Imagine the wonderful differences, or difference, the world is going to have over the next 50 years just because of Alcoholics Anonymous's sober values.
I want to thank each and every one of you for your warm, loving welcome, your greetings extended to us from Alaska. What an absolute joy and privilege it is to be here today. It's a joy to be a part of this marvelous convention and to share with you all of my sober values. I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world. Thank you. Marilyn, I'm sorry I said Arkansas instead of Alaska. I've been so busy working on my character defects, I'm going to have to start on geography now.
When I think of Alaska, I associate cold with it, and when I was listening to Marilyn up here, she was anything but cold. You delivered a message that showed just your sober values and what a warm, loving person you are. Thank you again. Our next speaker is Suri W., and I know L stands for Illinois. Suri? Hi, everybody, my name's Suri and I'm an alcoholic, and I'm frightened, but it's an honor to be here.
I always say to my homo, before I met and before you had, you see, I mean to be homo. It's a great pleasure, and the pleasure of me being here, about three months ago I got a letter from a New York office, and I didn't know what it was all about, so I had my wife to read it, because I know I'm always getting mail from the New York office all the time, and they had in there an invitation for me to speak as an international, and, you know, that's told me up right there.
What an honor. I don't know about you, but a pleasure to me, because a few, 24 hours ago when no one asked me to get close to you, let's only speak, because before I met you peoples, I was the guy that couldn't talk, I couldn't see, and I was hopeless and useless, and to me that was an honor to have that happen to me, and that's been my greatest, the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life, is being here with peoples like you, and I think I have the greatest sponsor in the whole world, I think he was part of this, and it's a pleasure to have peoples who care, like him, and a guy like me, who you had to teach to care about me.
The greatest program that I ever known is Alcoholics Anonymous and the Peoples Like You. In June the 15th, in 1975, a man came and picked me up and put me away, and told me I wasn't crazy, told me I had a problem, it was against my will, I have never heard tell a Alcoholics Anonymous, because I know I hated to drink and I hated it, because when I, I didn't start drinking until I was almost grown, joined the Navy and I came back, but I was a guy, I didn't fit as a child up, I'm looking for something, I didn't know what it was, but I always been looking for something, I was a guy that didn't play sports, didn't play any kind of act, I wanted to be a doctor.
I wanted to be a doctor and they sent me away to a hospital in Galveston, Texas, at a school, and this is where I met me, I guess, the people that drank wine, and I took some, and I like what it did, I like what it did to me.
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It took the fear from me and made me fit, and this is when I started. I drank alcohol because I wanted to fit in, and I liked the effect. I hated the taste, but I liked the effect of it. Every time I had a cold, I drank alcohol, and I enjoyed it for a while, but sooner or later, I didn't enjoy it. It quit doing the things it was doing for me, and I couldn't stop. And the people that I was around told me this is where I was supposed to live, and I hated every day I ever lived, because I met people like you. You told me I didn't have to live like this no more if I don't choose to, and I wanted to know why.
A German fellow was my counselor in the hospital. He taught me how to talk. He taught me how to walk. Now, this is a man I wanted to be just like. Not German, but I wanted what he had. He had something that I dreamed of, and he gave me the 12 steps from his heart. If you'd have typed them on paper as I did get them, it wouldn't have been any good to me. Coming from him, he gave me something that I dreamed about.
He gave me a sense of love, a sense of freedom. He told me something about him that I would never tell anyone about me, and everything he said about him is all about me. He's a man I haven't ever seen before who shared love and care and honesty. He said, sir, if you do something the Big Book tell you to do, you don't have to be a floormat at home, in the streets, in a place else again. And June the 15th and 75th, that's the night I asked for help, and ever since that day, I haven't had all the help I ever known. I've been going toward the sun ever since.
I began to talk, and the psychiatrist I was seeing for two years, twice a week, because, you see, I was different from you people. You're looking at a ball of hate and fear. That's all I ever knew how to do. The only child in the family was me, because I got everything I wanted but me. I didn't know anything about anything else but everything I wanted. I'm a cat. I used to cry a lot after I got married and five girls. And one day I asked my father why I didn't have a boy, and he told me something. He said, son, if you had a son like you, you both would be killed. That's all he ever said.
And this is the way my life ran. Because, you know, I had to drink, but if I didn't drink, I was going to die. And if I drank, I was going to die. And I was afraid to die. I wanted to die, but I was afraid to die until I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, Against My Will. And you people begin to tell me something about Surrey, the value of Surrey. This is when I found the value of me. All my life I didn't know the value of me until I came here. The value of me being sober and being alive. The value of me being me. And all my life I wanted to be like someone else.
And this is what it's all about for me, changing. And I had to change, and I didn't know how until you gave me me back. One thing, the love I got from you people like you, you taught me about love. The greatest value of my whole life is love. You taught me to love me. When I can learn to love me, I can love you and you and you. And this is my whole life built around loving other peoples. Because for all my life, I never knew what the love mean.
All my life, I never knew what honesty and sharing a can for peoples, a separate person was me. Everything I wanted, I wanted for me. And one day in Alcoholics Anonymous, after I took my fourth and fifth step, I promised to God that I understand because you see, I was too guilty for God to do anything for me.
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Because all my life, I thought I stand before God. You told me to find a higher power. And in my meetings, I went to meetings every night because I was looking for something. Because I see something I wanted, the word freedom. The value of my life, the freedom, the day I know the word means freedom. A few 24 hours ago, I didn't have a choice because I hated to do the things I hated to do and didn't know how to stop. And this is the greatest feeling, like I was saying when I got the letter from you y'all.
To come to a place like this, to get up for a great multitude of peoples who I've never seen, who I can tell you today, I love you and you can't do a thing about it. And this is what it's about. And they told me if I do the same things I'm supposed to do in Alcoholics Anonymous, I am in a service way to get involved. I didn't know how to do that. Because as long as I stay around Alcoholics Anonymous, I began to pull a face off because all my life, I didn't know who I was.
Honesty. Honesty with Surrey. Today I know who Surrey is. Today I begin to like Surrey a lot. The value of being sober, I can be me. The value of being sober, I can go any place in the world and you will accept me. I'm just part of something. The value of being sober, you don't have to try to change me anymore. All my life, someone was trying to change me. And the peoples around in Alcoholics Anonymous, they let me be me. And they teach me how to be me.
It was like something that I heard about the third step. A few 24 hours ago, my sponsor sees me make a lot of meetings. My sponsor is the guy that, he's a father, he's a friend, you can hate him, you can kick him, but he can always be my sponsor. He's the guy that loves you just as you are. But he don't ever agree, but he's the man. He's the man that let me make my own decision that I have to make in Alcoholics Anonymous. In service work, he said, I asked him one day, he said, well, why don't you try it and see. And for three years, I've been involved in service work, the chairman of the prison committee. And this was all about, I'm around peoples.
Who, just like me, didn't know how to stay sober. Didn't know what AA is all about. I'm the one to share with them, behind closed doors. I'm the one to share a part of my life, cause I didn't know. I share what you people told me about. I don't know anything new in Alcoholics Anonymous. But today, I know one thing. I don't have to take a drink today. One day at a time. This day, I can live this day. I never heard those words before. And I quit trying to change other peoples because I'm a creature of habits. I don't know about you. I'm a creature of habits.
I want you to be just like me. I want to give you things that I got. The things in Alcoholics Anonymous, since I've been sober, what I got, I can't explain it. The best thing in my life, I wish my father and my mother was here. Not to see me here around you people, to see me sober. She died before she seen me sober. I went back to you people, you said, well, that's okay, Terry. That's okay. Because you see, I didn't know how to stay sober. I didn't know how to do anything, useless and hopeless and helpless, till I came here.
And the great honor of my whole life come from New York office and my sponsor to help me to come to a place like this and speak to a bunch of loving peoples who I never seen. A bunch of loving peoples who I know share and care about each other.
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And you make me be loved through the rest of my life. There's something I won't ever forget. Peoples like you that make me be humbled to sit here, the honor to stand here and tell you how grateful and how my life value, my value of my life. I am a human being. That's the value. I am somebody. For all my life, I thought I was nothing. Because the peoples I'm around, they told me I was nothing. They tell you that long enough, you'll believe it, folks.
Now, I'm involved in a treatment center. I take my AA life serious, very serious. Because I know it works. I don't know about you, but I know it works. Today, I have one pair of glasses. Today, it didn't take me ten minutes to tell you my name was Surrey. And I didn't take therapy. I took therapy around AA tables and places like this. I listened to peoples like you. The peoples I never seen. The peoples I got love from that I never knew. They let Surrey be Surrey.
The greatest program, the greatest feeling I ever known. Like the third step mean to me. Like the three little things that I heard when I was a kid. Humpty Dumpty had a great sit on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. They called all the king men and king horses. They couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again. But this person told me one day, he said, Surrey, they didn't call on the king. He said, see, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Surrey, you got to call on the king. Hide works, the fifth chapter, no human power. No human power. And I had to find that power.
Because, you see, I was too dirty and sorry for that power that you called God to do anything for me until I came here. I understand he's a loving power, a loving God, as I understand. He's a friend. It's an honor and a pleasure to be here. If anybody ever told you they love you today, I can tell you, I love you. To me, this is what it's all about. To come to tell you. Come a thousand miles to tell a bunch of strange people that I love you.
That I love you. This is what you give to me. And you can't do a thing about it. You don't have to love me back. I couldn't understand that for a long time. I said, let's keep going to meet Surrey and keep listening. And keep doing the things that you were told to do. Keep following the steps, the value of your life. The value of being sober, of me. The value of being sober, I'm capable of loving and receiving love. The value of being sober, I am a human being. The value of being sober, I am responsible.
I can be responsible today. I can make mistakes. It's okay. You told me it's okay to cry too. I'm a guy who used to cry a lot. But you said it's okay. But today I don't have to. Today, I'm grateful just to be here. I said thank you for being here. Thank you for having me here just to say I love you. And thank you. They say big girls don't cry. Don't believe it. Surrey, I love you. We love you. And you can't do anything about that either. So there.
about that either. So there. Okay, before I really start blubbering, and it's all gratitude, I don't know when I've
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cried out of sadness, and I'm grateful for that, but I do cry, and it's always gratitude. It's a good-looking leg you've got there, Dee. A friend of mine's got her leg all wrapped up and can't hardly walk, and she's here today, so I guess there's no reason why I shouldn't have been. Our next speaker is Vivian, and she's from Vermont. Vivian? I'm an alcoholic, and my name is Vivian. I have absolutely nothing to say. I received the loving invitation back. I checked the date. I believe it was May 1st, and I was going to sit right down and do the best talk that I've ever done, and then I said, no, I'm an alcoholic. I can procrastinate a while. And let's say the last two weeks, I think I have worked on my faith harder than I have in the past nine years. I got out the dictionary.
What is value? What does that word mean? Nothing really applied. I got out the AA literature. I said, oh, Bill must have had something to say about this. He had something to say about everything. Bill W. My husband's name is Bill. There's something alike. Anyhow, I couldn't find anything there that said, okay, Vivian, talk about this. So I said, all right, this will have to be like all the other times. All I have to do is walk up here and manage that. I want to thank the people who called me down out in the lobby. I was certainly not behaving soberly out there. I couldn't find this room. It was five minutes of one.
They told me to be here 15 minutes early, and I'm thinking about my sponsor. She always told me to be a half hour early to a meeting, and here it is, 501. And Millie, I just was so glad to see her. Anyhow, I guess I always ask for a place to start, and he told me to tell you a little about me. Like I said, I've been sober nine years. I'm 46 years old. Sometimes I want to tell you I got sober in 1976, and then you've got to figure it out, but I'll keep it simple today. I feel very fortunate to be 46 years old. I am married to the same husband for 24 years. That's got to be a miracle because he's a member of this fellowship also.
We have not been together all of those 24 years, though. You understand. It was time out for bad behavior. And we have two adult children. I don't know where this alcoholism came from, and I really don't care. There's not a lot of it in my family that they talk about, and we've become more open about that. I am part Indian, but I don't know that I can blame it on the Indian. And if there are any Indians in here, don't take that the wrong way. We're both in the right place. I drank for about 20 years, and I guess it's become clearer to me why I did. The first 10 years was kind of a training for the last 20. It's like with anything else. If you practice it, you become good at it. There are several
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Al-Anons here in the audience. I came here through Al-Anon. I learned about this disease the year that I was in Al-Anon, and I got sicker. The thing is that it got better for a while, and I began to feel better about myself. But I know today walking around with untreated alcoholism is not a fun thing. And I could work on Vivian to a point, but I needed to be in the program, the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, to treat my alcoholism. And I am grateful to Al-Anon for allowing me to stick around there and complain and cry and do my first, fourth, and fifth step there. I know that this was the path that I had to take to be here today, and I'm grateful for that, because it's been a very gentle, very, very gentle journey. I am a Vermonter. I don't just live there. Three generations, at least.
And I just feel good about that. I mean, Dr. Bob and Bill W. I have tried to think about sober values. My sober values started with my sponsor telling me some simple things. Like I said, being to a meeting a half hour early. To dress and to appear sober, even though you're not, she told me, you're not drinking. And to watch my language, that I was in an AA meeting, not a bar room. And these are some of my values today. I mean, they have continued. I don't like to hear that garbage talk from the podium, and I usually let people know about it. Then we started working on the steps some more. And I have to tell you, because it's right here, I told a couple of my sponsees, I said, the topic they've given me is sober values. I don't know what to say about that. And they, she looked and said to me, what do you mean? That's what you preach all the time. And it's like, you know, I wish I could remember the words I've told them. You know, I know that they'll come back to haunt me, and they may come out today, but I want to know what I told them.
Anyhow, after looking through the book, as Bill sees it, and the big book and all, trying to prepare for this, and little did I know, I guess I've been preparing for nine years, I came, what came to me is that my sober values are the opposite of my character defects. I value today my honesty. And that's gone from a little bit of honesty to most of the time, like it says in chapter five, rigorous honesty. But that's a toughie. But there's something inside here that makes me, that lets me know when I'm not rigorously honest.
I talk a lot today, but I don't yell. That's one of the first things that I wanted to be rid of when I put down the jug. I didn't want to yell at people anymore. I didn't want to yell at my children. And I guess in order not to yell, my value is to be flexible. I have to stop and say, how important is this? Does it matter that I've just cleaned the kitchen floor, and here's a pile of dirt there? That would be the thing that would, you know, sounds silly. Probably you men can't relate to this at all. But you know, that pile of dirt in
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the middle of my kitchen floor that was clean to me, would just throw me into a fit. Now, you know, I'm not cured. I still get upset about some things, but I am more flexible. I have some selfish times, but I feel that I'm not self-centered anymore. And what a blessing that is. When I heard about this self-centeredness, I thought, oh no, no, not me. I do all these things for these other people, and I had to look at that. And I sure did, but I was looking for the reward. And they didn't give it to me, so I went home and I drank. They did not appreciate all the things that I did for them, and I did them for the wrong reason. I wanted them to appreciate it. Today, I do things because it feels good in here. And I love to feel good in here.
Love. I thought I knew what that was. Today, I do. That's one of the things that, another of the things that I value. You know, the other thing that I wanted to do was, I wanted to put these, number one, two, three, you know, top value, second. This person that I have been willing for God to change, this whole person, is what I value today. And I won't say that I have not had anything to do with this. I brought the body to these meetings. And people like you have been willing to share with me so that this person that walked into these rooms could change and could have some sober values. I'm not a completely new person. God created me as a person when I was born, and he gave me talents. And he has allowed me to, I've been given so many opportunities to develop skills. And what I did with, after my fourth and fifth step, you know, I had the columns there, good and the bad, and I guess that I had been off the sauce long enough that I could look at some of the good, the assets. And what I did was I asked God to take this whole jumble of assets and liabilities, my character defects, because I came to this program beaten. I had tried psychiatry, religion, all the things, you know, trying to stop drinking by myself. And I knew when I came here, I had no fight left. I wasn't, I couldn't come in here, and I didn't sit down and say, okay, Vivian, you can't go in there and tell them what you'll do. And there was nothing, okay? I was a very quiet, reserved person, and there are people who remember that eight and nine years ago, and some of them wished I was still like that. But anyhow, I didn't fight it. I had no fight left. Fighting the booze was enough. I came, the booze had been taken away, and I came here, and I couldn't fight. So I had to do what I was told. And in learning that from the beginning, when I came to the sixth and seventh step, it was very easy, the easy way out, for me to say, okay, God, you take this. You know how much pride to take away today, how much ego to deflate. You know exactly what I need to survive in this world that you've put me in. And he has done that. And I don't believe that I, in these nine years, That I, in these nine years, that I have fought that.
There are times that I didn't like it and I said, huh? You know, I still want a little bit of this.
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Don't I need a little bit of this? Um, but when, you know, when it was removed or, or I was no longer allowed to practice this character defect. Pulled them off, but I was the one. And I learned early on that I didn't like to make amends. And so if I just tried to live the Twelve Steps, that I wouldn't have to make a lot of amends. And, um, I know another value that I have is that, um, it's okay to make a mistake.
I strived for perfection all those 37 years that included before I picked up a drink, um, and after. I had to be perfect. And that cropped up here too. I wanted to give the perfect talk. I know that I have because I left it up to my higher power. And you already know, I've already mentioned his name, um, that that's God. I believe what it tells us in Chapter 5. God could and would if he were sought.
And I sought him here. And I heard someone say, you know, you come here and you seek him. You don't need to find him, he's not lost. You just seek him. And it is such, you know, I walk around the streets, I look at all these name tags, and I'm just so grateful. I'm overwhelmed. You know, someone has said, you know, in another 10 years, you know, we can take over part of the world here. Yeah, I think we're making some progress there.
And, you know, we carry the message. We carry the message to the suffering alcoholic. I believe that we've been given a message to carry to the world. And I believe that is one of love. I've been given that gift. I'm given it every day. And I try to give it away because I know that's the way I can keep it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, Vivian. I don't know what else to say except if you learn what love is, so have I.
I'm not going to go into my marital excursions here, but they're considerable. And I never knew what love was. I do now, and I know it's a commitment. So when I tell Suri I love him and when I tell all of you I love you, I'm committed to you. I'm committed to AA, and that precludes my taking a drink. I'm certainly not going to go out and drink as long as I say I love you, and I mean that sincerely.
I think the panel were just the greatest, and we're not going to stop here just because they finished early. We've got some time left. I'd like to ask some of you, do you have any questions of me or the panel? Would you like anything else discussed? I know they were just great, but as I say, we do have some time here, and we don't want to go out early because we came here to hear some speakers. Someone's calling me.
Okay, I have a volunteer, and I'm so delighted to have him. Here's a man that is from Wisconsin. He's from Milwaukee. And when I was in the treatment center, I went to hear what this man had to say because he holds a meeting in the treatment center, and he didn't allow me time enough to get this question out of the way before he said he'd speak. I was going to ask him anyhow because I think he's the greatest.
When you talk about love, this guy taught me what tough love is, and, you know, that was necessary in my early sobriety because when I was in that hospital, I felt everybody should feel sorry for me. I was still in that poor Millie stage, you know, why did this happen to me, and, you know, I was always a lady. I thought I was, you know, how could I be a lady when I was drunk? I was so drunk I didn't know if I was or not.
But this man taught me about tough love, and he still does that today,
[00:50:02]
but I know he's there if I need him, and by the grace of God, I haven't called on him too much, but by his very presence, that means a whole lot to me. So I'd like you to meet Moose from Milwaukee. Hi. I've been talking about this family for 18 years now. I'm not nervous. I'm excited. My name is Moose. I'm an alcoholic. Up until the age of 15, they called me Donald. At the age of 14, I got to be a tough guy and started fighting because I never did like Donald Duck.
And I'm over here because I'm not all there. I can't really get to everyone and shake your hand and kiss you and say how much I love you, but I do love you. Unconditional love. I'm probably vibrating because I got the vibration from you people. I drank from 15 to 32, almost 33, and I've been in a number of places, a few of my brothers and sisters then, but I'm in the place where I should be today, and I find it necessary.
As a matter of fact, I lost the desire to drink, and I don't really know when the hell that happened, but I am very proud to be part of the biggest family in the world. And when people ask me how many in your family, I say over a million and grown, and they say you're crazy. I don't have a doubt in my mind about my sanity, but I say I'm sober crazy, and there is one hell of a difference from drunk crazy to sober.
Yeah, I'm very proud to be secretary of that Thursday night TAL group. It wasn't always TAL. When we started it in 67, it was the shock therapy group. And eight years later, a young man decided we're going to call it the TAL group, and he bought me a bracelet, and now TAL stands for tough-ass love. And the reality of the responsibility and the now is on the back of my T-shirt, and that stands for now.
See, I learned about me being responsible for me, period. July 9th is coming up, and a man who taught me about it is not here bodily, but Clarence is in this room, and this was a little cripple with a sixth-grade education. He had the humility and the humble and the love, and I didn't want nothing from him 18 years ago. As a matter of fact, I was sitting there to figure out when he went back to drinking how I could burn the big book, but he never went back to drinking.
He carried one hell of a message. That's why as long as I'm living and breeding, Clarence will be here. And I'm probably excited because I heard Ginny H., and some people remember Ginny H. Well, that's part of our family, too. She was dead legally a couple of years ago, but she'll never be dead, not as long as I'm living, and learned about unconditional love. And I learned about unconditional love because if you believe in death, that's a condition, and I don't have any conditions in my love.
And I read this four times, and as far as I'm concerned, Ginny's here today with me and us and all of us. I learned a lot about love, and I didn't spell love L-O-V. I spelled love L-U-V. Of course, I haven't learned how to spell too good yet. And Bob, the guy's sponsor, tells me he's going to buy me some new crayons. I haven't even learned how to write too good yet. But I know I'm responsible for what I say, do, or think.
See, I remember one little basic. Somebody said, finally in 67, well, stay sober for yourself, do it one day at a time, find a power greater than yourself. And nothing justifies a drink for an alcoholic. If anybody in this room can tell me what justifies a drink for an alcoholic, I will leave with you right now. I've been sober for one more year than what I drank, which is no big deal, because I live in the world of today.
But if you can tell me what justifies a drink for an alcoholic, I will leave with you right now and drink. My wife, I'm not too sure about her sanity, because she gave me 100 bucks the other day. And then she gave me some more the other day. And that's okay too. I'm responsible. How do I react when somebody says something to me? I prayed for a man last night, and I didn't react too good yesterday afternoon.
But he told me one thing. It's your problem where you're going to put that van and that trailer. And I looked at him and I said, when we pay $100 a day, baby, that's going to become your problem.
[00:55:04]
And he called me a few names in French. And I didn't understand it, but I said, don't call me a son of a bitch. And when I got done with that, I didn't feel too good about what I said, see? And that was my higher power. I don't call him God anymore. See, I call him my daddy. We have a hell of a relationship. But I'm still responsible for what I say, do, or think. And I'm staying sober for me. For me, period.
See, as cunning and baffling and a con artist I am, if I stayed sober for God, and this guy had done this to me yesterday, I would have said, it's your fault, God, now I'm going out and getting drunk. No, I'm staying sober for me with his help. All I do is ask him in the morning to help the kid. And he helps the kid. I've got a lot of gold in life, so I'd like to become a gentleman someday, and I'm working on that.
I was 45 when I became a grandfather, and that was six years ago. And we've got two girls and little Dominic, who's seven months old, our little boy. But the greatest thing is I've been able to see you people since yesterday, and I talk about you, and I really do love you unconditionally. So don't be surprised someplace if I might just come up and kiss you on the cheek, man or woman, and don't bother me.
See, back there in Wisconsin, we love. And I'm not knocking anybody anyplace anywhere. But we have a way of showing it. We don't care if you're a man or a female or male. We come up and kiss you on the cheek. And that is something, you know. It's a gift that's been given to us. And all I can say is I do love you people unconditionally. And if you find out what justifies a drink, let me know. But I haven't found anything since then.
God bless. Thank you, Moose. That's really sober values. I'm sure he didn't talk that way drunk. And I, too, will kiss anybody, man or woman. Now I'd like to ask for some volunteers from the audience who would like to come up here and say a few words. It's really a thrill and a privilege to be up here, and there's no reason to be frightened because we're all friends and we'd like to hear what you've got to say.
Do I have a volunteer here? Good. Come on up, sir. This is Ralph W. from Action, Ontario. Action, Ontario. Action. Go ahead, Ralph. Ten minutes. I got the word. Keep it short. Sober values. The only thing that comes to mind when I come into a room like this, you know, it's like Moose says, remember how it used to feel when you were drinking and your inside used to be like that and you were being torn from every which way and nothing would let you loose, you know.
You get the same type of feeling sober when you walk into the rooms. You start to shake. You start to vibrate. Somebody hits a chord. You start to cry. You can't stop. You don't know how you feel or why you feel that way until maybe when you're alone and you listen to yourself and you start to feel what goes on. For me, these are things that I never thought humanly possible, okay. I went through things like Vietnam, many, many other things.
You talk about a vegetable that walks and talks. You know what the destruction of alcohol and you know how we destroy the people around us. You don't have to try. It just happens. And yet, you know, I spoke in my first convention when I was three years, four years in a sobriety. I'm now seven and a half and as Moose says, it's one day at a time. And I felt it there. I come from Montreal. I came to Ontario.
I kind of felt a little lonely at first until you walk into the rooms and then it hits you again, you know. One of the reasons I got up here is because of something Moose just said, the word unconditional. All my life, I always did it with a condition. did it with a condition. What's in it for me? Drunk? It didn't matter what. There had to be something in it for me at all times. You know, now I don't even stop to think.
[01:00:04]
It's not necessary. It's funny. When you walk down the streets, St. Catherine, Sherbrooke, Dorchester, it doesn't matter as long as the tag's there, you know. You see the faces, it's instant recognition and a smile. I used to hide in a corner. Jesus, what's somebody going to think? They're going to know I'm an alcoholic, you know. That's all I see on the streets, you know. Hi, how's it going? It's amazing. It really is. Values? The only things that I would like to say, in keeping it short, is some of my values are my life, a higher power I choose to call God, a wife, a family, friends, and the ability to reach out and try to help someone else. You know, how that man put it together and how he started it can only come from someone larger than himself. Alcoholism is infectious. AA is infectious.
You give one inch of ground as long as you present the body. It's got you. You don't have to do anything else. I used to regret having to come to meetings, you know. Today, if I had to stay sober, I'd sell my soul. I've never had any pain, suffering in the real world like I had when I was drinking. I can cope, I can tolerate, I can share, I can understand, and I can love so, so many people. It doesn't hurt anymore. Thank you.
For an impromptu speech, Ralph, it couldn't have been planned better. I too value my family. I'm a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and I'm sure that my family today can be proud of me. Fortunately, none of the children saw me in my alcoholism, but I'm sure my daughter couldn't have been very proud of having a mother like I was. And that's all in the past, and that's the nice thing. It's in the past. I don't want to keep you anymore with my story.
I've got two good volunteers. First, we'll have a good-looking lady, and then we'll have a good looking man. This is Anne S. from Roosevelt, New York. Hi, everybody. My name is Anne, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so nervous, but I just wanted to come up here to celebrate my sobriety. One of the things that I've always experienced in my life is the extremes, you know, one extreme or the other. I've done it all my life. I still do it, and it's always been very, very uncomfortable. And since I've been sober, I've been working towards getting in the middle by taking responsibility and letting go. And that combination is getting me in the middle, and it feels so good. This is my first trip by myself. I'm a kid from Queens. I rarely have traveled. My geographics were in bars and in drinks. That's as far as I got as far as geographic. And this is so exciting. I'm going to jazz tonight. I'm going to the stadium tonight. I'm staying sober today. And I just wanted to see everybody, and thank you very much for my sobriety. Thank you. I'll put this up now. Our next gentleman is my kind of man, and if I wasn't sober, I'd probably be chasing this guy. Pete?
Thank you, my brothers and sisters. My name is Peter Cephalou. I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Elanon family groups. Hi, everybody. As I heard from another recovering alcoholic in my hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I don't care who knows my last name, as long as I
[01:05:01]
remember I'm an alcoholic and I don't forget it. I saw and listened to Moose here. Moose and I probably don't know each other as well as we could, but Moose made his sobriety from the first time I met him. I was a person that came in and out of the program. I think that's the kind of message I want to share. I had two previous periods of sobriety in this beautiful program of Alcoholics Anonymous, but I wasn't really prepared for the program. I didn't really have what it takes. I didn't have the honesty. I didn't want to make the changes. I come from a Sicilian American background.
My father was born in Sicily. God rest his soul, he died two years ago, Columbus Day. He saw me sober for six months. My mother passed away Christmas Day. I was sober just about three years. My mother said, stay close to AA Peter. These are where your people are, and I know this, and I'm grateful for this. There was a time when I was on my geographics, and I wired my dad for some money. I think I was down in Florida at the time, and he said, I have no money to give you while I'm alive.
I said, dad, why don't you give me what I've got coming when you die? Just give it to me a little ahead of time. He said, I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you, my son. He said, I'm going to buy you a one-way ticket from wherever you are on Aledalia, and you go back to my village in Sicily. They know how to take care of people like you. He was angry. He had the capacity, he had the relatives, and he had the connections. His beloved cousin was taken out in a telephone booth in San Diego, California around 1975 with a bullet in the back of the ear in a phone booth. So I knew he had the connections, and I knew he had the relatives, but he loved me a little bit yet, even then. As I love him in his memory now, he didn't do that thing. He didn't send me back there. I was a treatment bum. I had good insurance. I danced around from place to place. I'm here today by the grace of God and the fellowship of this program and the love that you people have shown me this new way of life. It means more than I can say. I was at death's door many times. I went from the plush drunk hospitals to the state institutions. I'm here today with my beloved wife Barbara, and if anybody can find Barbara Suffolk, I've had her paged and everything else. To show you how small town we are, this morning she said to me, we're at the Ramada on the south end of town. She said, I'll meet you at noon at the Bonaventure at the gift shop.
She's a gift shop freak, see. Before we, on the way up here, we've been staying at the Ma and Pa hotels. You know, there's usually one gift shop, motels, there's usually just one gift shop, but she's got a key, so she knows how to get back. I just wanted to share some of my happiness and talk about the love that's shown, the love that Moose talked about. I didn't get the earlier speakers, I'm sorry, but I wanted to share with you. I thank you so much.
Now we'll hear somebody that's considerably younger, and I really look forward to this. Jason's from Connecticut. Surprise, surprise. My name is Jason and I'm an alcoholic. Um, I can't believe I'm up here. Oh, I'm shaking. Um, I can't believe it. The reality hasn't hit me yet. I'm just, um, this is Montreal and I live in Connecticut, and this is the first time I've ever been out of the United States. Um, and you know, gifts like that come from my higher power. Um, I've been traveling around. Let me see, in the last month I went to Colorado too, um, you know, and only sober would I be able to do that. Um, I was in treatment for like five months, and I got out in like November, uh, and I've been sober a little over a year. I just had an anniversary, um, in June,
[01:10:00]
and it was right around my birthday, uh, turned 16, and I'm gonna, um, I'm looking forward to so much stuff, setting goals for myself and everything, but to be here and speaking, I mean, for some reason my higher power put me up here, and I'm not even going to try to analyze it, but, um, you know, right now it's, it's a gift, you know, um, and I'm going to treat it like that, and, you know, it's, someone mentioned about the pins walking down the street and everything, you know, and I was with a friend yesterday, and we're like, all right, everybody you see with a pin, just say hi to him, you know, and, you know, we're walking down the street and everything, and we're just saying hi to everybody, and it's just like, it's the unity within everybody's, it's like, uh, it's really weird, and it's fantastic, um, you can just go up to someone, hug them, you know, whatever they were talking about, kissing them, and I don't know, not me, I'd freak out, uh, we're staying, like, way over somewhere west of here, um, I don't even know what the name of it is, it's a campsite, and, you know, every, we had, like, a meeting the other night, and it's really nice, there's a lot of people from here staying there, and, uh, you know, and, you know, what freaks me out is the French, someone tries to teach me French and everything, and, uh, and I learned, like, this word and that word, and words that, you know, I could say to someone, like, um, let me see if I can pronounce it right, uh, je t'aime, thank you, that means, I love you all a lot, um, and I really do, you know, um, it's, it's glad, I'm glad that I know that, um, I'm glad that I can say that, and, you know, not feel shitty about it, or bad, um, and not feel like I'm a square, or a weirdo, or, you know, a happy, or something like that, whatever you want to call it, because, you know, love is just a feeling, and it's the best feeling I know, um, you know, I have a hard time expressing it, but I can feel it, you know, and it feels great, um, and being at the conference and everything is great, because, you know, you see so many drunks, and how many, how many are here now, about 60,000 or something, 74, holy shit, um, this must be the biggest one ever, you know, um, it's great, though, because we're all sober, you know, we've all been through our own pain, and we're all in the, we all have a common thing, you know, every, every one of us, and, uh, we all share the happiness of being here, and, you know, I wish I could go around and hug everybody, because I feel like it, but, you know, wait in line, but, uh, that's, uh, whatever, uh, it's really good to be here, and thanks for having me up here.
Thank you, Jason. That'll be one, one of the many things that I'll take from this conference, and I really will remember. There are still things in my mind that happened to me in New Orleans and in Denver, and this will be what, something special that happened to me in Montreal. I want to express my gratitude for being your moderator this afternoon. I, too, was thrilled when I got the loving invitation, and it's a joy beyond telling, as you all know, and I think Jason left us with so many good thoughts to take with us.
All those who care to join me in the Lord's Prayer, please do so, and while we're praying, please remember 50 years in AA with gratitude.