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Source: 1975 Denver International Convention – 1975 Denver Int, Al-Ateen Sponsors Sue S, Megan R, Wilma K, Ruth S, Elizabeth S.mp3 File: 1975-denver-international-convention-1975-denver-int-al-ateen-sponsors-sue-s-megan-r-wilma-k-ruth-s-elizabeth-s.mp3 Duration: 01:17:54
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Well, I usually have no problem either. My kids say they can hear me for ten city blocks, so I'll do the best I can. As I started to say, when I was first asked to sponsor four years ago, I was thrilled at being asked to sponsor, but also afraid, because I didn't know what was expected of an Alteen sponsor. I got all the literature I could to read, to find out what a sponsor had to do, because there was nobody you could really ask.
And the one thing that hit me was, you don't hog the meetings. It's not for that purpose. The Alteens run their own meetings. So I'm afraid that my first year was rather a disaster, because I sat there, through many a meeting, not saying a word, in case I would be accused of running the show. And the meetings would drag, or they wouldn't get off the ground at all, because the young people were shy or whatever, and I would sit there too.
That first group I saw, it folded. Now, whether that was due to me or not, I really don't know. I prefer to think it was because of the location. It wasn't very handy to a bus. So that summer, a couple of other groups in Calgary decided that they would close down their meetings, and they would meet at one central group, with the sponsors alternating. So this would give anybody a chance to get away on holiday and whatnot, and it wouldn't tie any one sponsor down for the summer.
So this meeting blossomed into, right now, it's the biggest meeting in Calgary. It became real popular. Just a temporary summer fill-in is now the biggest group. And I haven't sponsored in about the last year, but I sponsored that group when it first got off the ground. My knowledge of what I've learned, and I find that it takes, I don't know, I've been sponsoring off and on, like I say, for four years, and it's taken me that long to find out really what sponsoring is all about.
I think it's sort of a learning. It's like experience in anything. It's the best teacher. I moved into sponsorship at a time when things weren't, there was no real unity between AA Alateen and Al-Anon in Calgary. There was a bad feeling in the group that I moved into, that there was an AA sponsoring this before, and somebody had come along and said, Oh no, AA cannot sponsor Alateen. So this left a bad taste there. And I moved into a very, I don't know, I sort of felt the tension all over the place kind of thing.
And then as we went along, the first thing was the statute that started Alateen conferences. And this is the first thing that started to bring unity among Alateen in Calgary, was getting ready to, raising money to go to these conferences. But as it brought unity to Alateen, it sort of pushed Al-Anon further away because Al-Anon wanted to get in there and tell Alateen what to do. And Alateen bought this, you know, sort of thing. And I think that first year there was an AA member that went around and he asked each AA group for donations to raise money for this bus ride.
But mind you, that worked very well in the first year because this wasn't until I think just this past year that it's come out in Calgary. I think they brought it back to New York that we're not to, Alateen doesn't accept donations from AA. So there was controversy there naturally in the first year. But we went down there and for me it was great and the young people really enjoyed it too. I think it was, they grew a lot because they learned a lot. Saskatchewan has, to me, has a really great Alateen going and there's much unity between the AA Alateen and Al-Anon.
And I learned most of what I know now from the workshops and from going to these conferences. One of the things I learned is that you do let Alateen run their own show. Whether this was raising money for buses or whatever. And it was best that Al-Anon stayed out of it. I didn't try because the second year that I went down to Saskatchewan with them, I had our information services group or intergroup telling me that I better get in there and organize the money and see where it was going kind of thing.
[00:05:06]
Well here I was, sort of between the two, Alateen here and Al-Anon here, and I'm in the middle. I didn't know which way to go. Because I was making bad feelings with the young people who had grown to trust me. And they didn't trust anybody in Al-Anon yet, kind of thing. So that was the second year. Then the third year, the young people got together and they handled the whole thing by themselves. They raised the money. They didn't ask Al-Anon or anyone. They raised it on their own.
And one of the ways they did this raising of money is we have AA dances in Calgary. And they sold pop and coffee with the permission of the AA group at these dances and raised money this way. They also put on spaghetti suppers. Now all these were organized by the Alateen themselves with Al-Anon helping when they were asked. And it's marvelous just to see how these young people do manage. You know, they really don't need us around to play parent or whatever.
And with the handling of these things themselves, if they made mistakes, they fell flat on their face. They picked themselves up and away they went again. And you grew. This is how they grew and they learned the same as when we made mistakes, we learned from it. And it worked out much better this way because it wasn't the controversy that there had been in past years. They charted the bus. They did everything themselves.
And as I say, these are all things I learned from going to conferences and working with the people. These aren't things that you know right away kind of thing. They come with experience. Another thing is quite a discussion among us back home is like discipline. What do you do with discipline in a group? Things that are going on. Well, I used to sit back too when something like this went on. But I learned too that if something is really going on in the group that's annoying to everybody, you've got to use your traditions, you know, the things that affect AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen as a whole.
And if something was going on that I felt was either disrupting maybe new members that were coming into the group, there was, as young people will, every once in a while they get carried away and they're not really paying attention to the program. I spoke up, you know, if there was two or three sitting in a corner talking and not paying attention. I wouldn't do it like belittle them or knock them, but I would ask them to be quiet, that I couldn't hear and I was sure that nobody else could.
And I find that they appreciated this. They didn't get uptight or quit the group or tell me to get lost or anything. They appreciated that. They didn't, you know, they liked to be. Or else I went to an older Alateen member and asked them to, and this worked very effectively, because I noticed the younger Alateens or the ones like the 12, 13-year-olds are the ones, and sometimes older ones too, but they like to kibitz around a little bit.
But if you have an older respective member of Alateen, they kind of look up to them, and they just have to speak to them and they, you know, will listen to them. But I found that, you know, a feeling of trust is important. I don't know how exactly to go, like if, well, I have lots of friends who are, their children are going to Alateen, and if they came to me and said, well, how's so-and-so and such-and-such doing, I'd say, well, I don't, I can't talk outside the group any more than I would at a now-now meeting.
I wouldn't go home and discuss what you said with my husband, so I wouldn't, I'm not going to discuss what, you know, what's going on at the meeting. I said, you'll have to see how they're doing by their change, you know, in themselves. I can't tell you what's going on in Alateen. And the young people appreciated this too. They knew that they could say or come out with anything, and it wouldn't be, you know, it wouldn't go beyond the group.
I like to think that they, like I was a friend to them. If they needed anything or wanted anything or a confidence or anything, that they could come to me and there it would stay. And I think that's an important thing in a sponsor. They like, I think, to like to think young, not to act young, because we don't want to be one of them, but to think young, to have young ideas, I think is important.
[00:10:10]
She's cutting me off here. I just wanted to say, like, the name of this workshop is Try It, You'll Like It. Well, as far as I'm concerned, I love sponsoring Alateen. I would go back and sponsor again. Right now they have, I moved on because I figured I'd been around long enough. But the rewards are great. The other night, a young girl that I'd watched in the last four years that was having a lot of problems at home and everywhere.
As a matter of fact, she ran away from home. She's a very clever girl, good in school and everything, very talented young girl. But she left home and wandered from one end of Canada to the other. And she came back again and started back into school again. And she spoke at an open AA meeting. And honest to goodness, she was just, it was just wonderful to hear her. And when you see growth like this in a girl, and she said it was because of Alateen that she had, you know, turned out the way that she had and hadn't gone on, this, to me, makes it all worthwhile.
Thank you very much. Now is it on? Oh, great. It's not on? Can you hear now? Okay. All right. Thank you, Megan. She touched on many points that I have experienced as an Alateen sponsor. I wanted so badly to be a sponsor. And it really bothered me in the literature where it said that an Alateen sponsor must sit quietly in a meeting. I'm a very verbal person, and I've had the same experience she did.
I wanted to be a sponsor, and I wondered how in the world I was going to keep my mouth shut, you know, in a meeting. And I don't keep my mouth shut in a meeting. That's the fact of the matter. But the Alateens in my group accept me as I am, just as I accept them as they are. And we get along just great. But I've never been a silent sponsor. I don't know how to do that. Maybe somebody else can tell you how to be a silent sponsor.
Okay? Next we have Wilma Kay from Louisville, Kentucky. Good morning. My name is Wilma Kessler, and I'm the sponsor of the Hikes Point Alateen Group in Louisville, Kentucky. And I don't think you'll find a better Alateen group in the world. I don't think so. I was asked, if you don't think that about yours, you know, your group's got some problems. When I was asked to be a help sponsor of the Hikes Point Alateen Group, they were in danger of being kicked out of the church.
It was pretty bad shape. They were down to about four or five members, and I was asked to come in as a co-sponsor. And I think they brought me in to scare them into shaping up. But I didn't know that at the time, thank heavens. I would not have taken it on. Oh, gosh. I was really the least qualified person I had ever known to be an Alateen sponsor. I didn't know much about Alateens. The only experience I'd had was with my daughter, and I wasn't doing a very good job with her.
I didn't understand teenagers, and I didn't know if I even liked them very much. But Al-Anon has taught me to be willing and to try when I'm asked. And there was an emptiness in my life at this time. I had gone through a big crisis, and I felt kind of empty and lost. And I know now that God doesn't take away without replacing it with something better. And he replaced my empty hole with Alateen, and it's been wonderful.
I've learned more about the Al-Anon program since I've become an Alateen sponsor than I did in the first five years I was in Al-Anon. I've been a sponsor for five years. I don't think that you can just be a sponsor by reading literature. I think you've got to live it. The kids in my group, anyway, they can spot a phony pretty fast. They realize I'm not a saint, and they understand my problems. They accept me as I am.
But they do know that I try to work the program in my life. I don't try to preach it at them and then live my life the way I want to. I think you've got to walk like you talk. I hear that in AA a lot, and I think it goes with Alateen too. Some of my experiences as a sponsor may not be so great to you, but they were to me. And I'd like to share just a few of them. We share just a few of them. I don't think anything can match the feeling I had when I
[00:15:03]
went to my first Alateen Convention, or we call them roundups, in the southeastern part of Kentucky, or the southeastern part of the country. There was a special, kind of a deep inside glow, a love, and it just sort of sparkled all over, and it caught me. And I have never experienced anything like that since. Now, I've been to a great many Alateen Conventions, AA, Al-Anon Conventions, and I've enjoyed each one tremendously, but I have never experienced that same unique, deep love feeling, and it's what kept me here. I know that Alateen has helped me with my own children. Through working with your children, I've come to understand that mine are people. They're individuals, and they are not quote, unquote, mine. And I don't have to worry about my kids doing this, or my kids doing that. They're Donna and Danny, and they're people, and they have individual lives, and I've learned to understand and respect that. And I never would have been able to do that if I hadn't dealt with the other Alateens, and saw them as people, and not just kids. Now, I use the word kids, because that's just what I call them, but I don't mean that they're children. They're just younger than I am, in years, not necessarily emotionally. When I was asked to come into the Hikes Point group, my daughter was a member of this group. Now, I know that we are not recommended to sponsor groups with your children in it, but it has worked out beautifully with mine. Donna and I had a discussion, because I felt kind of leery about this, and we decided that the group was really in trouble, and the group really needed a sponsor, and nobody else would even think about going in. So we would try it, and if it didn't work out, I would drop out, because I felt it was more important for her to have Alateen than it was for me to be a sponsor. Well, my daughter was a member of the group for a long time. She's twenty years old, and she's living on her own. She's working and going to school, so she's no longer a member of my group. But she does come when she's not working that night. My son is now a member of the group. He started out in pre-teen, and he is now a member of the group. And I think our sharing the same program has brought us closer together. I think we understand each other a little better. Somehow, I have been able to differentiate between being a mother and being a sponsor, and I don't have any magic potions or pills or anything like that. It's just in that group, I am the sponsor, and I act as the sponsor. I know that those of you who are sponsors know that being a sponsor is not always fun. I can really get disgusted sometimes and discouraged. I feel very helpless at times, because some of the problems the kids bring are really heavy. I mean, they lay some heavy things on me.
A lot of times, the kids don't have problems that they want to talk about in the group. So they go to Wilma's office, they call it. We meet in a pretty good-sized room, and in one corner, this little teeny child-sized table and chairs, that's my office. So they say, can I talk to you afterwards? And we go over, and we have our private conversations. And as Megan says, there has to be trust, and there is trust, and it's known that anything that's said there is in absolute confidence. Like Megan, I know most of the parents of the kids in my group, and a few times I've had to tell them, you know, you have to get your information somewhere else, because I sponsor your children, and I don't talk to you about them, other than say, yeah, they're in the group, and they're doing all right.
But no further than that, there are some kids who come to Allenteen for social reasons, some of them who horse around and play, some who want to meet boys and girls, you know, dating type. There are some who just come to get their parents off their back. And then those are the times I get really discouraged. I see a kid who doesn't seem to be getting anything, and I think, God, you know, what am I going to do? But about that time, when I'm about ready to quit, this child who has had nothing that I could see going in his head will open up his mouth and come out with the most beautiful thing, the feeling that I get. Oh, man, you don't know. You know, like I say a little silent prayer of thanks.
Dear God, thank you for letting me see it happen to one more person. It amazes me. I think they're not paying any attention, but they do. They learn. And it's a beautiful feeling. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world. There are different
[00:20:02]
kinds of sponsors, and I'm not one of the kind who sit in the corner and keep their mouth quiet. I am a part of the group, and that's because the kids want it that way. Now, I don't run the meeting. I don't plan their meetings for them, but they do include me in the discussions. And sometimes when the kids think I'm talking too much, they'll really appreciate that. They trust me enough to be honest and say, Hey, woman, you're talking too much. You know, let us have it. And that's good. The first time that happened, I think they hemmed and hawed for about three weeks before one little kid got the courage to take me out in the hall and say, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're talking too much. That was really, he didn't know what a lift that gave me. You know, he learned.
And they've learned. And there's a special kind of thing. We have our joys and our sorrows. We have our good times and our bad times, and our good meetings and bad meetings, and there just are that time. We average between 40 and 50 kids at the Hikes Point meeting on Thursday night. Right now, our meeting has shrunk. Summertime's hit. We're shrunk to about 25 or 30. And trying to figure out what's going wrong. Some of the kids were getting discouraged, and so they took a group inventory a few weeks ago to find out what was wrong with their group, why it was falling apart or falling down, and trying to find out what was wrong. We're going to get it going and growing again, and they're going to do that. I have no doubt at all. One of the most wonderful experiences that I have ever had as an Allotine sponsor happened a few months ago. Last December, we had the Southeastern Allotine Roundup. Louisville hosted it. And there was a personality conflict.
There was a problem that went on. There was a personality conflict there. And some of the kids got caught up in the emotions of taking sides. Now, kids are very emotional. And there was a lot of accusations and things going around. And I seldom miss meetings. But this one particular night, I wasn't there a few weeks after this happened. And the night I wasn't there, some kids suggested that the Hikes Point group get rid of me, that they didn't have to have me as sponsor, that it was their right to do what they wanted. And as I say, accusations and arguments and tears and emotions and all those things ran rampant.
And I heard about it from my son, who sat through it, and from another adult who told him about it. But the kids never mentioned it. Well, reason did take over. The Hikes Point Allotine group has learned to think for themselves. And they do know how to settle their problems using their traditions. Not all of them. Most of them know how. And they solved their problem. As I say, they didn't talk to me about it. It wasn't mentioned.
But a few weeks later, I came. And after the meeting, they had baked a cake for me and written a poem expressing their love and appreciation for my sponsorship, telling me how much they cared and how much they liked having me as their sponsor. Now, this was their way of making amends. And it's wonderful, you know. There's no feeling in the world like knowing that you can love those kids and they love you back, and you don't have to expect from each other, you just accept. They accept me and I accept them. And it's one of the greatest blessings in my life. There are problems being a sponsor. There are rewards being a sponsor. And no one could ever have convinced me that I would make a sponsor, a good sponsor, and I think I am a good sponsor. I think if you knock yourself, the kids are not going to learn to respect you either. But I would never have believed that I could be a sponsor and work with teenagers, you know, those mystifying, odd people. But I love them. I have discovered that I am one of them. I'm a few years older than they are, but I haven't grown up a whole lot more emotionally than they are. It is my honest feeling that being an Allenteen sponsor is God's gift to me. I don't think it's a gift I deserved, but I take it gratefully and with love. And I hope in this way, in this way of doing 12-step work, that I can pass on this program as it was given to me. I'm not good with working with new people in Allentown or taking phone calls and all that sort of stuff. I do my 12-step work with the kids. If any of you out there who are not sponsors are thinking about being a sponsor, the theme of this workshop is Try It, You'll Like It. And I think it
[00:25:00]
should be Try It, You'll Love It. Thank you. Thank you, Wilma. I too had the experience of having children in the groups that I was attempting to sponsor. And I agree with Wilma, and this is just my opinion, that if you need an Allenteen group in your area, if you are the only one willing to sponsor that Allenteen group in your area, try it for heaven's sakes. It's better than not having an Allenteen group.
And it has worked out in my life as I suppose it was meant to work out. I did leave one group and went to another because I tried to leave a group where my children attended and went to another group to sponsor. And my children followed me to that group. And it's true, I don't get along as well with some of my own children as I do others of my own children. And so I have since moved to still another Allenteen group, and I work with older Allenteens, and I am able to work better with the older Allenteens. There's something about my own children from 13 to 15 that almost makes it impossible for us to live in the same house together. But we're working on it.
Let's hear from Ruth S. from Fullerton, California. Man, she's really got the enthusiasm. Can you see her? Hi, everybody. I am Ruthie, and I am the sponsor of the Fullerton, California Allenteen group. And it says, try it, you'll like it. But I was told when I came to these programs that this is a program of attraction rather than promotion. So I almost border on promoting Allenteens, but I won't exactly do it that way. I only hope that I can show you by my enthusiasm how I feel about Allenteen sponsorship, that just perhaps then you will think it's something that you might like. I think I try to do this. They told me to send in an outline, and I have never had an outline. Now, Higher Power has got my outline, so I had to hurry up and write down something to appease the higher-ups. So I told them that I would say something like, what I was like, what happened, what I'm like now in regards to Allenteen.
So I'll try to be quick on what I was like, because I was just a mother of five children living in the illness of alcoholism, and I think I was probably a typical mother. My children grew up, and I only had one at the time that I thought of getting into the Allenteen thing that was left in the home, and she did not desire to go to Allenteen, and I never forced her to. I have people who say to me, what do you think? Do you think we should force them? Should we let them go? What do you think about that? And I used to say, I don't know. It's up to you. But secretly, I used to think, I don't think you ought to push them. But my thoughts have kind of changed on that over the years. When I see kids that come to the group that were forced, and I've heard them say they came for everything from ice cream cones to a cute girl or a cute boy that they saw the first time. And so that again, I think, is something you have to figure out for yourselves, like whether you want to force them to go or not. A lot of the girls have spoken, and they have kind of told you what it's like to be an Allenteen sponsor. I think they've covered just all the fears, all the worries, all the concerns, a lot of the happies that come from being a sponsor.
Now I thought I'd like to tell you some things that have happened to me beyond the group level, in case you have been a sponsor a while, and that you're thinking, oh well, I've been a sponsor a pretty long time now. I think I'll get out of it. Well, I tell you, if you're like me, you're a sponsor.
[00:30:09]
So, somehow along the line, I was elected to be a, well, you call it a coordinator. We have a service board in Southern California, and I was known as the Alateen co-chairman, or chairman. We have a chairman and co-chairman. So, out of this grew some wonderful things. We have workshops about four times a year out there. We get together. We have sponsors sharing things, and I have to say this, because I always brag about Southern California. You know, we're very united out there. Apparently, we've been fortunate. We haven't had a lot of dissension among Alateen groups. I don't know of any.
In fact, to the matter, I know now that they are visiting each other on a weekly basis as far as 50 miles, so, you know, that's a pretty good relationship. So, I probably lost my thought where I was, but, oh, yeah. In this thing of being a coordinator, you get in contact with a lot of groups, and we are active out there. So, one of the nice things that came out of this was I began to feel that we were having our sponsors' workshops.
They were called Alateen Sponsor Workshops, but I don't know. You know how Al-a-nums are. I won't tell you, but, you know, we kind of get being sponsors. I felt like there wasn't a personal touch. We weren't maybe bringing out the things at these meetings that the Alateens were interested in. So, after talking to the service board about it a bit, I asked them, what do you think it would be, how it would be if we could have what we call an Alateen liaison, and this would be an Alateen that would be kind of a go-between and help choose the topics for workshops and be our kind of representative out to Alateens at large.
Oh, my goodness. I have such a big mouth. I thought you could hear me back in California. I'm sorry. Okay. Well, I'll just repeat the last part because, as I said, if you had maybe gone beyond a sponsor and you're wanting to do something else and getting into some kind of service, in Southern California we have the Alateen, well, you call it coordinator or we call it Alateen chairman out there. And after having our workshops for sponsors and Alateens, we kind of decided it would be really nice if we had an Alateen that would be a liaison to have the feelings of Alateen represented there. We know coming from the horse's mouth how they feel.
So I'm very happy this morning to see my faithful friend and our California liaison, Keith, in the audience. So please stand up, Keith, and show them that we have our go-between in Southern California. Okay. Now, I heard it, and all apologies to all Texans because I love you all, but I heard that they brag down there, but it's not necessarily any more than California because we brag, so I'm going to brag some more.
Another one of the nice things that came out this year is the publicity is getting quite obvious, at least in our area. Alateens are really coming to the front, and so we were asked to cooperate with a writer and a films company out there to make an Alateen film. And I had the joy and pleasure of selecting five or six young people in Alateen. Of course, they remain anonymous, and it is an animated film, but this will be shown here. I'm not going to quote because it may be tomorrow afternoon.
It's called All Bottled Up. This is made by Southern California Alateens, and they tell how they feel. They tell it like it is. So, these are some of the nice little things beyond being a local sponsor. If you think you've did your thing there and you're going to get out, I advise you don't get out. Think of something else. I don't know now. I will say this. I never expected to be speaking up here because all I asked was can I work with some Alateens in a workshop or something, but I always wanted to tell the world about Alateens, so this is probably the closest I'll ever get to it.
[00:35:03]
So, I just think it's marvelous. It's the only way to go. The girls have all said you have trust and love and confidence, and we think we earn these with Alateens the same way we earn it in Al-Anon. If we aren't a friend, we don't have a friend. If people can't trust us, we're not going to be trusted. So, we just kind of, at least for me, I just kind of earned my way, I hope, into Alateens. And I like to think, like one of the other speakers said, that this was God's gift to me. And I'll tell my little quickie here that I often think of Alateens as, I like to kind of grow flowers and things, but I'm too lazy to put the seeds in, so I always get the plants.
So, this is kind of like Alateens. Somebody else gets them, and then you get them after they're partly grown. And, you know, I'm just so prone to get when those plants out in the yard get looking so neat and nice, I say, oh, wow, look at my flowers. Aren't they nice? And I think, they're not your flowers. You know, God is the one that's out there that's making those flowers grow, you know, just, okay, look at them and enjoy them, but don't think they're yours. So, this is the way I have to look at Alateens. I'm not their mother, and I can't say that I don't love them as much, but I am not their mother.
I'm their sponsor, and I have for them empathy. And I heard what I thought was a real nice explanation of empathy not long ago, and it was called, empathy is your pain in my heart, but also I think it's your joy and your happiness in my heart. This is the way I feel about Alateens. Now, I know that I'd get up here and rattle on and probably not make anybody decide any more than ever whether they want to be a sponsor or not. If you do, I hope you will. I think if your higher power wants you to be a sponsor, he'll nudge you some way or other. And just like he sent me up here today, and this was not my plan, mind you at all.
So, knowing that I'd probably forget everything, I wrote a little thing, my feelings towards Alateen. I'm going to read it, and then I'm going to sit down, okay? I have to get my Grammy glasses to read these. As if you didn't know, huh? Okay, this is called, My Tribute to All Alateens. I came to you open-minded and willing, and you opened your arms and took me into your hearts. You taught me honesty and courage by your example. You shared with me your secrets, your laughter, and your tears.
You let me be your friend, and you gave me freely of your love. Today, I want to thank you each for being what you are, but most of all, I want to thank God for lending you to me. Thank you. Thank you, Ruth. That was beautiful. And like she said, if you're thinking about being an Alateen sponsor, and if it keeps reoccurring to you, there's a reason for that, and God probably is nudging you along the way.
And I went into my sponsorship willing and open-minded and scared to death. But don't be scared of these kids, really. There's just not that much to be afraid of. And they can make you well. They've certainly contributed to my getting better in this program. Let's hear now from Betty from Rochester, New York. Another shorty. Hi, everyone. I'm from the eastern coast, and we are no different than any other place in the whole world when it comes to our program.
I heard a priest speak one time in an Al-Anon meeting, and he began it with, there is no AA program, Alateen program, Al-Anon program.
[00:40:13]
We are all one program. We are all working the same program, each in his own way, to find the help he needs from the higher power to make his life better day by day. And I always remembered that. And so I would just briefly like to tell you how I got into Alateen sponsorship. And by the way, as a senior citizen, I am a past sponsor of Alateen. I still find Alateen very close and dear to my heart, but I am not at present an active sponsor. But I still love them.
Alateen, when it was mentioned to me, I was scared to death to even attempt it. I was just coming out of my own shell. I was just beginning to find my voice again. The one that I used to scream and holler with through the active years, I lost completely in that shell of bewilderment and loneliness and disgrace, the disgrace I brought upon myself. So I really didn't know whether I could handle something like Alateen. I had two grown daughters that were married at the time and a young son who had just gone in the service. He didn't want to go, but he found that he had to.
He felt at that time for our sake, his father's and mother's. So like this young lady from Kentucky said, God fills a void for us in his own way, and Alateen came into my life. So A is the first letter of Alateen, and it gave me a chance to make amends. I had a lot to make. First I had to make them to myself before I could make them to anybody else. Then I had to make them to my children. The damage I had done to these children took me almost five years to admit that I had done such a thing, but I knew when I took that fourth step that I had.
I couldn't undo what I'd done to these children. They were pretty well grown up by then. The boy was 19. But I had a chance. God had given me a chance to maybe make my amends through other young people. This is what I attempted to do. I didn't have to always agree with them, but I did give them the right to have an opinion. I didn't have to condone what they said or what they did, but I respected it as being their right.
This is what I learned as a sponge. I learned to love again. That was the most important thing of all, to love, and you've got to learn to love before you can be loved. This is what young people did for me, and it was beautiful. This is something that took shape in the five to seven years that I was a sponsor of Allotine. The next letter after L is A, and I learned to accept people as they are, especially teenage people.
This is what I learned as a sponge. I learned to love again. This is what young people did for me, and it was beautiful. This is something that took shape in the five to seven years that I was a sponsor of Allotine. The next letter after L is A, and I learned to accept people as they are, especially teenage people, and not as I thought they should be, because at one time, everybody had to be the way Betty thought they should be, as if they didn't have a right to be what they were.
If they didn't have a right to be what they wanted to be, or who they wanted to be, and it was through these young people that I realized how wrong I had been.
[00:45:05]
Just accept people as they are. Don't try to make them over into your mold, or their father's mold, or their uncle's mold, or their great-grandmother's mold, or somebody else's. Let it be their mold, and all you can hope to do is possibly, with your patience and love and understanding, be a part of that mold, but that's their choice, not yours. T, that's the next letter in Alateen, Tolerance for Others.
That was a big order for me, because I was a champion at intolerance when I arrived in the Al-Anon program, and boy, that's something I worked long and hard on, and it was the young people that finally gave it to me, that helped me with that word tolerance, because I didn't even approve or tolerate my young son in high school when long hair was first coming into being, and we used to sit at the table night after night like many other households, and you heard that argument about the haircut and the whole thing, and trying to convince father that brush cuts were out of style, and then all of a sudden, you'd gotten through that bit, and your son had gone off into the service, and here you were with these young people in an Alateen meeting.
Some had hair your length. At that time, mine was down longer. Some had hair much longer, and some had hair longer than my youngest granddaughter, who had long pigtails. Tolerance, I began to find, was looking beyond the exterior, looking into the interior, seeing what was inside of a person, listening to how they felt about things. This, again, is learning, listening with love, and it becomes tolerance, and it's so easy once you get there. It's the getting there that's the hard part, but once you're there, oh boy, what a good feeling that is, and I still have my days that I find tolerance coming into focus, but after all, this is a day-at-a-time program.
So the next letter is E, and that's where I'm at today. Live today. Enjoy one day at a time. Enjoy this life. It is given to me today by the higher power, but the young people of Alateen really are the ones that taught me this. Live today. I heard one of our Alateen say one time, live today as if it's the last day of your life. There was a 13-year-old girl who knew she had terminal cancer because she said, I only have today that I know of, and what I do today I want to be remembered by, and I must think about this, because if I do something that's against my Alateen teachings, that's what they're going to remember, and not the good thing I did today, and that always stuck with me. God bless her.
She's up in heaven with our higher power now, but this was a little gal that really had beautiful Alateen. She really did, and she did teach me to enjoy life one day at a time, and the next E for me is eager to be an active part of a wonderful fellowship, no matter what category you may serve, whether it's just going to meetings and helping to set up a room, pick up the ashtrays or what have you, whether it's being an Alateen sponsor, and you'll be the winner there all the way.
You'll go through, like this little lady from Kentucky said, the hardships and the beginnings and the growing and the growing pains, but you're in there pitching every minute because you're eager for yourself, you're eager for the young people, but most of all, you're eager for your program. You want the world to know what a beautiful way of life we have to offer to everybody, regardless of race, creed, color, age, what have you.
It's here for the taking if you want it bad enough. And the other in the last letter is N, and that was the need for me as well as the young people that had to be fulfilled.
[00:50:05]
I came to Alateen very selfishly because I needed to fill a void in my life, and the young people there needed me, I guess, and that was wonderful because it worked out. It was a 50-50 proposition, and the fringe benefits are just too numerous to mention, but I will mention just a few in closing. I have just finished spending the most wonderful week with this son of mine, this young boy that lives out here in Colorado.
He's a young man now. Thank God, because of this program, I could let go. I could let him move out here. I could let him be what he wanted to be. He doesn't have to live according to the way I think he should live. He can live his way. And I can come out and I can enjoy it while I'm here and respect it as being his right because when he comes home, he still respects the way we live as being our right.
And that's what it's all about, really, is respecting each other. And we've had a wonderful week together as a family. It's a miracle I never thought would happen. I'm up here talking. That's a miracle I thought would never happen. But most of all, it's just this beautiful program of love, understanding, and the sharing and caring, and I am so grateful to be such a small part of it. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you, Betty. You have heard our panelists talk about Alateen. I hope they have given you encouragement and inspiration. If you're a sponsor now, it is helpful to know, isn't it, all over the country that they have the same kinds of problems and the same kind of joys in their group. I thought that, you know, maybe in Oklahoma, maybe we were just the only ones who had this problem of sometimes we have Alateens at meetings and sometimes we don't have any Alateens at meetings.
But it's encouraging to me to hear other sponsors from around the country talk. Let me review for you again the names of these panelists. This is on my right, far right, Betty. There's Megan, Ruth, and Wilma. Now, I'd like to open this meeting for a few minutes to questions, if you have any that you would like to address to one of the people on the panel. Perhaps they can answer a question about your group or some particular problem or just anything that you might have.
Yes, would you stand, please, and just, if you have a question. Yes. I have three. Good. I need to get off your show, but I just had a question that you were speaking. One thing, do you have a problem with your teenagers, with people coming to visit? Two, do they hesitate or do they not like to talk about the staff? Just the group, and we'll find out if her group is all members or just kids that are coming with them, let's say.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by visitors. You mean kids who come who are not Alloteen members or outsiders? No, not Alloteen members. But kids? No. No. Any kind of visitors, such as in the housing profession? When we have that, occasionally we will have someone from the nursing profession or the newspaper call, and I check with them first, with the children, the Alloteen group first. But they are always eager to get Alloteen spread out to the world.
The other question you asked, do they have problems wanting to work on the steps? Yes. They get bored pretty fast. And what they like to do is always have it on fun things, you know, love and friendship and how you get that going. But we do have problems with them wanting to work the steps, and I think that's where a sponsor sometimes has to sort of say, if you're chairman next week, I suggest that you work on the steps or the traditions or, you know, a slogan.
And I don't believe in running the meetings, but I do believe in suggesting to the chairman that they plan a meeting instead of waiting until we get there that night and say, I haven't got anything planned. And when they haven't got anything planned, I usually suggest we try the steps. And I don't remember what your other question was. Oh, literature? You use literature in your meetings. Yes, we use literature.
[00:55:00]
We use the book. We keep a box of literature. Every new person that walks in the room gets a piece of each of the Alateen literature, and it's always there, and we do use our literature. I don't say I could do it without it. Kim, would you please speak to the visitor, a friend of a young person who may have come to visit, who doesn't qualify as an Alateen? You mean Alateen? A kid who comes? Yes. That has happened on occasion.
We have a girl who brings a boyfriend with her every once in a while. And it has not proved to be a problem because we have stated before that if you're going to bring somebody to a meeting, they have to understand that everything that's said within these walls is strictly confidential and nothing goes out of the room, and you're not there to spy. And usually we make sure that anybody who comes in as a visitor understands that.
But usually we don't have that problem. Occasionally this one girl will bring her new boyfriend, but mostly it's no problem. Somebody else? Yes, I wanted to… I would like to suggest to this lady the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions of Alateen. I think that's a very good little book. It has questions and answers. It has little stories. And actually they can work on the steps and the traditions and really not be bored.
At least that's been our experience. We also hope to develop a set of step study cards this summer with the Alateens and the Alateen sponsors using their literature and incorporating just a card as we do in our Al-Anon groups, and then a question following that. And this stimulates discussion a lot on the steps also. Okay. Yes, sir? My name's Jerry. Our biggest problem is that we have a great deal of customers.
The biggest problem is the parents. The children go home, they're interrogated one way or the other. And if you talk to them, you've got alcoholics in the Al-Anon, and they attack on a date, and they say, Well, I'm sorry, but I can't tell you that. And then another problem is that Al-Anon, they're kept away. I don't know if this is an interview, but you know, this is kind of an issue as a human being.
I wonder if somebody has some response about how kids get, the cast of audiences, and so long as he can't read or she can't read, what do you say to the parents when they start interrogating them? Yeah, we've had that experience also. I think we've all experienced these situations. I have gone as an Al-Ateen sponsor into the Al-Anon room and laid it out on the line that our meetings are confidential, that nothing that is said there is to be taken from the room.
I have told parents who have called me on the telephone, I'm sorry, I will not talk to you about your child. Our meetings are confidential. Right. And then what's the child's defense when they're at home? Are there any Al-Ateens in the audience who have had this experience who could offer some help? Well, I know that Dean from Kansas City. Hi, Dean. I didn't really have any problems with being interrogated about it.
You know, I talk to them a lot of times with my parents and say what was the meeting about or something. And I personally don't see anything wrong with it. You know, we talked about the first step, and I learned that. But as far as so-and-so said, well, of course you can't do that. But I don't see anything wrong with coming over to your parents and saying what was the meeting about. Well, we talked about such-and-such a step, and I learned this about it.
And I learned this about myself. You know, they want to talk to their parents. As long as they understand the anonymity, you don't say who said what or who was there. Well, I don't think that's a problem. It's a problem what other people say about it. It's better not to. It's all right. Yeah, right. Well, you're going to run into all kinds of problems like this. And if you, as the sponsor, are I – it was more successful for me, let me put it that way, as a sponsor when I went directly to the Al-Anon group and said, now, look, you know, we have an Al-Ateem meeting.
It is a confidential meeting. We do not discuss you in our meetings. And this problem of you can't go to the Al-Ateem meeting because such-and-such, what if you, the Al-Anon, could not go to a meeting today because you had acted badly, you know? because you had acted badly, you know. If you will hit them very directly between the eyes, you know, with some of these things, they kind of, it ceases to be a problem. Somehow
[01:00:01]
or other, the higher power will work this out with you if you are willing, and if you remain there as the sponsor. I'd like to say something about children who are kept from Alteen as punishment. There isn't anything you can do about that except help the child out of his resentment. Learn to accept the things you cannot change, because that does happen. You can't go to the parent and say, you have to let the kid go to Alteen. But you can talk to the child or the kid and say, you know, this resentment is only going to hurt you, and when you get the resentment we're going to keep you home more, so work on that problem.
Norma, you wanted me to solicit you. In connection with informing parents on Alteen Month, that we have a panel of Alteen members coming to one of our Alteen Month groups, and since that time that group has been quite pro-Alteen. You can just capture their hearts right away. Yes. Oh, and another thing that we have been doing is, once a month, the group will declare an open Alteen meeting and invite the parents, both AA and Al-Anon, to come into their meeting and participate in a discussion meeting with them. And this has proved helpful, too, in reassuring the parents about what takes place in an Alteen meeting.
Hi, I'm Lena from Norfolk Community College. Hi, Lena. And I just ran these boxes. We have these cold boxes from AA, and the Al-Anon boxes have been used. I've only been in three meetings, but I need a lot of help. But I ran into a real forensic on fundraising. Somebody told me a few things they don't like, because after one meeting, we really got the book thrown at us from a lot of areas. And so I really appreciate anyone who can answer that. And one of the questions, what do you say to a young community when they want an answer on what they can say to their parents that they're going to Alteen, but they don't want to say it to their parents?
They don't want to let their parents know. I see. You mean a parent that's not in the program, and they don't want their parents to know that they're going to Alteen. Megan, I think. Go ahead, Megan. Go ahead. For fundraising, you have to stay within the traditions, eh? Well, we can't accept out-and-out donations from AA. That's handed down like a policy from New York. Al-Anon groups can give to the Alteen, because they're just a younger segment of Al-Anon. Plus, these young people, you know, left on their own can, as individuals now, they can go out with pop bottles and bring the money there. They can have any kind of a sale within the three fellowships.
Like I mentioned at the dance, selling pop and coffee, and what else? Put on a supper. Al-Anon helped them, but they put on the supper and raised money this way. Or have special meetings and pass the hat around. There's any number of ways. And I believe in some of our literature somewhere, it gives some ideas on how to raise money. Now, what was your other question? What was your last question? Oh, well, we've had that. If they don't want to mention the word Al-Ateen, they can just say they're going to a self-improvement program, which it is.
Hi, I'm Timmy from the World Service Office in New York. I was in this workshop earlier, and the mic wasn't working, so I went to the other Al-Ateen workshop. And I was so thrilled when I came back to see this room filled with people. Oh, I expect to get lots of letters about new Al-Ateen groups starting when I get back. And it's really good. And all of you sponsors who have been so enthusiastic about it, I expect you to make yourselves a committee of one to get somebody else to sponsor a group. Because I really believe that there's nothing like a sponsor telling other Al-Anon members and AA members, too, what an exciting experience it is to be a sponsor. Because everything that I have, I'm sorry that I missed Wilma and Megan, but what Betty and Ruthie said, you can multiply that over and over and over, because I get letters constantly from sponsors telling me how rewarding it is, how they grew in the program more while they were sponsors than at any other time, et cetera, et cetera. I forgot while I was making the announcements before, I forgot to make a very important one. Those of you who have not bought one of the Keepsake programs
[01:05:01]
that has the Al-Anon and Al-Ateen program in it, as well as many other interesting things, Alice B., who wrote One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, has written this, and it's really a gem. You'll be missing a lot if you don't buy one. They're $2.50, and I think the price has kind of scared some people away. They don't realize how much there is in it. It isn't just the program. It has a little bit of historical data about Al-Anon and Al-Ateen, and it also has some very interesting comments about how our program is tied up with philosophies from way back when, and I think you'll really enjoy it. So there's a boost in the lobby where you can purchase them, and take some back to your friends that are not here. Thank you.
I tell you, I'm always forgetting something. I began, first of all, by leaving one of my bags at the airport, but fortunately I went back and it was sitting right on the sidewalk where I left it. I wanted to say that there is a policy that the policy committee adopted, and it was approved by the World Service Conference about fundraising, and Megan, more or less, gave you the gist of it. But if any of you want to write to me, I'll give it to you.
I'll quote it to you. I don't have it right here with me. I'm sorry. I should have brought But it's very much what Megan said, that we cannot actually, if Al-Ateens can't accept money from AA groups, I mean, you know, they can't go to an AA. They really shouldn't go to an Al-Anon group and ask for money. If the Al-Anon group wants to give it to them, that's all right, but they really shouldn't ask for money because they have a tradition of self-support, too, the same as the other two fellowships. But they can perform services within the fellowship and use that money for whatever their needs are.
I would like to pass on one of the ways that we make money, the best way. AA Al-Anon and Al-Ateen have fantastic cooperation in Kentucky, and we make our money in many ways, such as Megan suggested. But one of the best ways we've found is to raffle a tape recorder with a full set of tapes from an AA conference, at an AA conference, with their permission. And it's fantastic. We do it. We ask their permission. And last year we had the Kentucky State and the Southeastern and the Al-Anon conference, and we had three raffles, and we made $1,800. We put on our own roundup. But you can make a couple hundred dollars, depending upon, now these were not huge conferences, depending upon how big it is, but it does have to pertain to the program. And if you include a full set of tapes of the program, then what you're doing does pertain to the program. Also, we've had kids who make serenity prayer plaques and the jewelry and things like that and sell it. But we have found that the raffles, and they really appreciate it, especially if you've got good cooperation among the three programs. And we do real good. What do you say?
Pool parties. Oh, yeah. We also have swimming pool parties. If you happen to have a swimming pool, it's a really great thing for kids. You know, you can charge a dollar. We're going to raise it to $2 this year for all day long. We found out it costs $2 to go for two hours at a private place, so we're going to go for $2 for all day long at a private home. And we make money that way, and we sell hot dogs and Cokes. Just anything within the fellowship. But the pool parties, the kids like. The raffles, we all like. We make money, and it's not hard. Also, slave auctions, if you can get the kids to work.
Mary, do you have any security alarms? Hi, Mary. I've had one with Allison recently at a convention, and what I'd like to know is, I know it's associated with attraction, but I'd like to know if you put up posters and announced it at L9A meetings. There's one boy that has come, and he feels very uncomfortable about being here alone. And I'd like to know how you feel about that. Well, I think this is logical. What you're doing is to go to the Al-Anon groups and let it be known that there is a meeting there. We usually always are courteous enough to ask AA if they mind making this announcement in their meeting. Sometimes our meetings are individual. The secretary might differ, but most of them are cooperative. And of course, we have, Southern California, we have a little paper called the Al-Anouncer, and this comes
[01:10:01]
out monthly, and in there we put all new meetings. And quite often, if you announce it ahead of time, before you start the meeting, kind of precede it two or three weeks with these spreading the word around, asking everyone to let other people know. And don't be discouraged because they all start with one or two. Yes, I'm sorry. Yeah, you're right. Hi, Liz. There's someone in the audience with a pre-team group.
Yeah, yeah. I want to present them. Our kids call themselves a stepping stone, because they want to become people-leading groups. Oh, great. Yes, in our pre-team group, we use the, pre-team is just the junior segment of our team. They are not recognized or registered with WSO, but they meet a need in our area, or they meet a specific need. We have a large, large group of pre-team, and they do use the same Alateen literature that the older Alateen choose. Yes, sir, in the very back.
Do we have a title for you? No, I don't think so. I have a question for you, something more important. The children from the entire community, the whole area, asked that we convey this message back here, and asked that if they couldn't get some sort of a group, they would like to have a day-by-day Alateen assignment. Thank you. Gosh, is Timmy still here? Yes, Tim's still here. Okay. I'm sorry for getting up so much, but I guess that's what I'm here for. I'm here to answer your questions. I guess we get a lot of requests for a one-day assignment. Every time we get one, I tell whoever's in this choir that the Alateen have to write their own books.
I mean, the Alateen want to write their own literature, and most of the literature that has come out recently has been written by Alateen. I don't know how many of you know, but the Alateen book, Alateen Poets and Children Without Colour, there were two Alateen working conferences in the week. He was the chairman of the literature committee. They went to town every week. He had those kids for dinner every week for I don't know how long. So that book got written, and then it was sent to Alateen and other parts of the country, all around southern Canada, to get their ideas, as well as, of course, the Alateen. The Alateen mentioned the Alateen literature committee. That's the way the literature evolved.
Now, this is kind of the same type of thing we would want to have. Those kids would know they're on the literature committee, but we would have to get a lot of material from the Alateen themselves. All of you out there, if you're a kid born in one of the biggest towns in Alateen, have been writing stuff. You have been writing something similar to the type of thing that's in our town hall book, and send it in to us. It won't happen tomorrow. I mean, I took out two years to write that book, working practically constantly on it. But I don't think an Alateen book would have to be that elaborate, you might say. I think it's much simpler, and if your kids want to write something, have them write it. Just send us your ideas. Tell them that it won't happen tomorrow, but when we get them a picture, it will be good. It's a very expensive station, though, to put a book like that. And, you know, they've just got their heart in trouble. And I know that they do want that. A lot of Alateen people do want to say that sometimes they change out. I'm not an Alateen or whatever, but that's the story. You can take that back to the troops.
I remember the thought. Probably, yes, the Americans would have the same problem. We had the same problem. We had a stagnation problem. So, the parents of both AA and Alateen, Al-Anon, got together and formed a group on the night of August 10th.
[01:15:09]
One week it was AA, the Alateen family, and the next week it was Al-Anon, the AA city. And once a month, the Alateen city would enroll the group, and it's a good family. It's been going on for six months, and it's growing pretty well. If you have further questions, after we close this meeting, perhaps you could come to the front and address yourself to somebody that's here or somebody in the audience.
Try it. You'll like it. Sponsoring an Alateen group. Just come on in. The water's fine. I'd like to read the Alateen closing, please. In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and the confines of your mind.
A few special words to those of you who haven't been with us long. Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you.
After a while, you'll discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time. Will all who care to join me in the closing prayer?
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.