Larry G. — Speaker Meeting

I’m Don Benton, director of 12 Step Ministries.

And if you would, uh, let’s open with a moment of silence for those who are still out suffering from addiction, and especially for the family of

the little girl named Amber.

And then we’ll join together in the, uh, Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to

accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

So will be done.

Amen.

Let me introduce myself another way.

Hi, everybody.

My name’s Dink.

I’m an alcoholic.

Hi.

I got family here.

I love it.

Um, I’m really glad that y’all are here tonight.

This is a very, very special evening for us.

A longtime friend, many longtime friends are with us this evening.

And, uh, I, I, I just can’t thank you enough for helping us out with 12 Step Ministries.

This is a wonderful program.

For those of you who are n- I, uh, program.

This is a ministry.

This is not a program.

Uh, for those of you who are not familiar with us, we started in 1991, uh, through the vision of our pastor at that time, whose name was Don Benton also.

And, uh, we’ve been going now f- we are beginning our fifth year, and we’ve been helping a lot of people get into treatment programs.

We’ve been helping a lot of people in recovery, uh, find a way into, find a backdoor into church, for those of us who kind of had problems with churches.

Um, uh, somebody was telling me in an AA meeting the other day, they said, “Aren’t you glad you gave up those resentments against churches?” And I said, “Well, considering where I work now, yeah.” “I’m,

I’m, I’m glad I did.” Um, it’s, it’s a little more helpful, you know, walking in like th- “Okay, God, are you still happy with me?” Anyway, uh, I’m really glad

y’all are here.

I do wanna make one, uh, quick announcement.

Our Common Unity Fellowship, which is our monthly dinner and speaker meeting, will be February 3rd, Saturday, February 3rd, at 6:00.

Our speaker will be Swan.

And we meet in the house directly across the street from the church, called the Center for Spiritual Development.

I hope you’ll come join us.

Um, I do have a couple of people I wanna recognize.

Um, one is perhaps one of my best friends in the whole world, and I, and I said this this morning.

I wanna say it again.

It is you people in recovery, and you that have helped me make it this last eight and a half years, that have helped me a- be able to call this little girl last night and

tell her how much I love her.

It really struck home when I found out what happened to that little girl in Arlington yesterday.

And I wanna thank you so much for helping me stay sober so I can tell, Bonnie, stand up, please, my daughter Bonnie how much I love her.

So- Sit back down now.

That’s enough.

Okay.

Another person who is a longtime friend of 12 Step Ministries, in fact, if it were not for him, 12 Step Ministries would not be here, Dr.

Don Benton.

I do wanna say a s- very special thank

you to our sponsors who have helped underwrite this event for us.

Also, Kathy Baker and the staff at, uh, Progressive Recovery who helped us out with, uh, publicity.

Thank you so much.

At this time, I wanna introduce to you a friend of mine, a guy I’ve known for a few years, listened to him for a lot longer than I’ve known him.

Ladies and gentlemen, Larry G..

He’s a miracle.

Thank you, sir.

You’re welcome.

God bless her.

Hi, y’all.

Is this on?

Howdy.

Hey.

It is too.

How y’all doing?

I’ve always wanted to preach here.

I know it’s a good feeling.

Yeah, every time, I’ve been here several times.

I’ve heard some, I’ve heard some wonderful sermons here.

I really have.

A friend of mine named Billy Bob Harris, does he still come here to church?

He needs to be here.

He, uh, he brought me here and, and I heard, uh, Dr.

Benton preach some wonderful sermons, and I, I am in tall cotton tonight.

I’m in, I mean, this is not just some little holy roller church out in Odessa.

This is Lovers Lane Methodist Church, baby.

We are cooking tonight.

I am really happy to be here.

Uh, God love you all.

Uh, my name’s Larry, and I’m an alcoholic.

Hi.

Hi, y’all.

I, I do feel, uh, I, I’m joking with you a little bit.

Um, I am an American by birth and a Texan by the grace of a loving and merciful God.

And, uh, I was away.

I was, uh, I was away from Texas for a long time, but, uh, thank God I, I’m back.

And, uh, actually, my brothers and I have a theater over in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

We’re over there about 30 weeks a year.

But if it hadn’t been for a good South Carolina fella named William Travis, you know-

Texas might still be part of Mexico.

You know what I mean?

So South Carolina has a connection, but I, I’m really happy to be back in Texas.

My wife and I live, uh, in Austin, and, uh, how about those Cowboys?

Good Lord, yes.

Mm-hmm.

Oh boy, I do love that.

I really do love that.

I got a lot of friends in Pittsburgh.

This is gonna be fun.

I hope.

Uh, but I do, I, I, I, I’m joking.

I, I, I believe one thing.

I, if I don’t believe anything else, I believe that God’s people have a right to be happy, and they have a right to smile and laugh and giggle, and I’m gonna tell y’all some stories.

They’re all the truth, and you might not have ever heard anything like this.

I mean, I mean, we’re not gonna forget that this is the house of God.

Uh, this is the house of God, uh, but it was, it was kinda built to praise and worship Him in, but I believe that we old sinners have some rights too, Doc.

And I’m just gonna tell y’all some stories, and they’re the truth, and we’re gonna laugh and giggle, but I do feel a little bit, um, like second fiddle.

I, I mean, speaking in this beautiful church where I’ve heard, uh, Dr.

Benton, uh, break the bread of life, I, I kinda feel like, you know, second fiddle or kinda like inadequate.

And it reminds me of those two old boys that bought a racehorse.

This is a clean joke.

You can tell this one.

This is really good.

What happened was, Doc, these two old boys bought a racehorse, and they trained him, and they fed him, and they put him in races, and he couldn’t win.

And he kept losing and kept losing, and finally, one of them said to his buddy, he said, “Look here.

We have spent a lot of money on this horse.

I am tired of this.

Let’s just take him down to the river and shoot him.” The other one said, “That’s too much trouble.

Why don’t we just run off from him?” See, ma’am, if you’ve got a horse that you can outrun…

So that’s kinda what I feel like tonight.

I I, I’m, I’m not the fastest horse here tonight.

But I, I am grateful to God to be here.

I really am, and like I said, uh, my name is Larry, and I’m an alcoholic.

And, uh, and, and I didn’t start off, uh, to be one.

I really didn’t.

Uh, I started off a little old gospel singer in a Pentecostal church out in West Texas, a- and I started off as God-fearing Christian, ’cause that’s what Mama told me to do, and we did it

six years old.

I’m glad I did.

And, uh, not here to proselytize or turn anybody into Christians.

That’s between you and God.

We’re just talking about this wonderful program, but I did not start out to be a drunk.

I did not go down to…

You know, in high school, about your sophomore or junior year, they would take you in there, and they got this book.

And you’d tell that counselor what you wanna be, and he’ll look up in the book what you need to take in college.

A- and they did not turn over there to the D’s under drunk and say, “This is what you do.” You know what I’m saying?

That was not in the counseling program at Odessa High School.

It just was not.

I, it, it doesn’t happen that way.

Those of you like me, who, who suffer from this disease, uh, and I ain’t suffering anymore.

A friend of mine told me, he said, “The last thing we drunks wanna get rid of is our suffering.” Isn’t that the truth?

Boy, we wanna s- oh.

Isn’t that awful?

And then he told me, “Pain is inevitable.

Suffering is optional.” I’m just not gonna suffer anymore.

So anyway, those of us who have this disease, you know what I’m talking about.

It’s not going down to the counselor and learning how to be a drunk.

It is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and here’s how it happened to me.

I was a junior in high school.

I was the quarterback on our football team at Odessa High.

I am the last quarterback from Odessa High to beat Permian, the team across the street.

I mean, across town.

Mojo, right.

Lady, I beat your guys, okay?

And I’m a big star, so you cool it and sit there and be quiet.

I’m just kidding.

It was 30, 30 years ago, but I was the quarterback of our team, and, uh, we had a big star on our team.

His name was Skippy.

Skippy was 6’1″, weighed 253 pounds.

This is the truth.

He was our center and middle linebacker.

He could outrun me in the 30, 40, 50, 100, 220, and the mile, and he’s playing center, and I’m the quarterback.

Great athlete.

Bear Bryant said he’s the best high school linebacker he had ever seen.

He was All-American, captain of the football team.

Here’s how my alcoholism started.

One night down at the drive-in, Skippy came up to me, put his arm around me, and he said, “G., tonight we’re gonna get you drunk.” What

a deal.

I’m a junior.

He’s a senior.

I ain’t all block, and he’s All-American, and I’m gonna get to go out with one of the greatest high school football players on the planet, and I’m gonna get to

be one of the guys.

They’re gonna get…

Little underclassman, they’re gonna get me drunk.

That’s a big deal.

It really was a big deal.

So here’s what we did.

Now, listen.

I told you young ladies earlier.

You remember when I told you, Alexandra and Caroline, a lot of these grownups aren’t gonna understand this talk, okay?

Y’all pay real close attention, and you can explain it to them later.

Okay.

All right.

I went out with Skippy.

We, we did, we had this deal.

I told my mama I was going to Skippy’s house.

Skippy told his mama he’s going to my house.

We went to David Taylor’s house.

That’s where we went, and we proceeded to start the process

And to try to get G. drunk.

We had a problem right off the bat.

I didn’t like any of it.

It didn’t taste good.

We tried, uh, we tried orange vodka.

It’s like Minute Maid with turpentine, right?

Huh?

Yeah.

And then we tried cherry sloe gin.

I didn’t have a cough.

I didn’t need Romilar, you know what I’m saying?

So that didn’t work.

A- a- and then we tried the old standby, cold beer, right?

This is an honest program.

How many of you wonderful children of God remember your very first taste of beer?

Raise your hand.

Come on, be honest.

And wasn’t it wonderful?

Yeah.

You know what it tasted like, huh?

Yeah, I’m not gonna say it ’cause we’re in church.

All it is, is a bunch of grain that they throw hot water over, put in a jug, heat it up for a while, set it over in the corner, knock the foam off of it, put it in a fancy

bottle.

And they used to hire this little one-eyed dog to…

Remember Spuds?

Boy, I’m glad he’s out of here.

Spuds Mackenzie, to tell you how good it was.

My favorite commercial.

“I love you, man.” Don’t you love that?

Boy, if that is not the biggest scam in the world, man.

Here this guy is, I mean, this is obviously a drunk.

He’s scamming his own daddy with love for the last Bud Light.

I love that, man.

If that is not alcoholic behavior, I will pay for lying.

That is absolute dysfunctional, codependent, alcoholic be- “Dad, I wanna tell you something.

I love you, man.” His dad doesn’t go for it.

You know why?

Because this guy’s been lying to him for years, you know, about this alcohol deal, right?

So then he scoots over to his brother.

His brother knows right away.

Then the next scene, it’s with his fiance.

She doesn’t buy the deal.

Then his future s- fiance, she doesn’t buy the deal.

And then the next one is a ter- a total stranger in the, in the truck.

The truck driver, right?

“Where’s the love, man?” I love that ad.

That is it.

That is, in a nutshell, the alcoholic behavior and the alcoholic mentality of our whole nation.

You’re gonna scam them with love, man, to get the last Bud Light.

I love that ad.

It’s almost enough to make you go back and drink, isn’t it, Dink?

Yeah.

Not quite.

Spuds Mackenzie, I’m glad he’s out of here.

But that’s what it is.

Well, finally, we’re back, back to my drunk story.

Uh, we found something that I could drink.

Visualize this.

You know those big iced tea tumblers that you…

N- not a, not a glass.

I mean those big old, big ones that your mama used to have.

We filled that hummer up halfway with gin and topped it off with Dr.

Pepper.

Put down three of those little units.

Three of them.

Boy, I got to feeling good.

Three of those bi- I got to feeling really good.

I forgot about the fact that I was only 5’8″ and wasn’t very fast.

You know, I forgot about the fact that my daddy and I didn’t really like each other too much, and that I wasn’t the most popular guy in town.

I just, I got to feeling good.

And then I got to feeling bad.

I got thick.

I got real thick.

I’m not gonna go into the details, but okay, the technicolor yawn.

It’s a vision, isn’t it, sweetheart?

The barking rainbow .

I mean, there was rad…

I don’t wanna go into it.

Oh, God.

It was terrible.

I got so sick.

And I went into the bedroom, laid down on the be- Folks, this is true.

Everything I’m telling you tonight is true.

I lay down on the bed, and it was just…

Y’all have been there.

Skippy came in.

He looked down at me and he said, “G., you look just like my mother.” As

God as my witness, he kissed me on the forehead and passed out on top of me.

This is my first drunk.

I’m telling you the truth.

This is an honest program.

He…

Now look, a normal person, a normal person would say, “Hold it.

There’s something wrong here.” First of all, let’s face it, we had to lie to our mamas, right?

Secondly, I didn’t like it.

It didn’t taste good.

Third, it made me sick.

Fourth, it made a guy who outweighed me over 100 pounds kiss me on the forehead and pass out on top of me.

I, I think I should…

A, a normal person, whatever those, those normies, whatever a normie is, a normie would’ve said, “This is ridiculous.” “I am not going to do this

ag-” Not me, pal.

I couldn’t wait to do it again, you know?

Could not wait.

That was my first drunk.

I was too afraid of my father to do it anymore because I just knew I was gonna get caught.

I would not be here tonight.

I would be dead.

I would be out of here.

I d- so I didn’t drink anymore in high…

High school.

I was afraid to.

But then I got, I was, uh, given a scholarship to the University of Houston where I played football for the Houston Cougars.

I didn’t really play a lot.

I played 13 minutes.

Did you know that?

I wasn’t a big star.

13 total minutes in my four years.

That’s true.

You laugh.

Johnny Carson asked me if I got a letter.

I said, “Yeah, I got a letter from Coach Yeoman telling me I didn’t need to come back.” I didn’t…

Uh, we found a scouting report one time from the other team and it had their, you know, their assessment of our players.

It said, “G., 5’8″, wide receiver, has deceptive speed.” Then in parentheses it said, “He’s a heck of a lot slower than he looks.” That’s, that’s my football, that’s

my football deal.

But e- it was at the University of Houston that I began to experiment with other things.

I mean cold beer, by, by then I had acquired a taste.

Now isn’t that stupid?

I mean w- I ask you a question.

Would, would you try to acquire a taste for, uh, pickles or cream cheese or bologna?

I mean would you…

Isn’t that ridiculous?

I mean the very concept of having to learn to like something that made you throw up.

I mean that’s just weird to me.

I don’t know, maybe I haven’t got this down yet.

So anyway, but I had acquired a taste for beer.

A- and it was at school that I began to try some other things.

I tried, uh, marijuana.

I never was a big dope smoker.

I’m just gonna be honest with you.

It wasn’t my fa- because see, marijuana- You

know what I mean?

Really slowed me down.

And as y’all, as y’all can tell I, I’m kind of an up kind of guy.

Plus it made my words come out and I could see them.

You’ve never tried any marijuana have you ma’am?

I don’t…

Well, I, I could see them.

They’d come out and, and it was weird because they’d come out backwards.

It was like hello was O-L-L-E-H.

Just whoop, right out of your mouth and you’d see them.

And the other thing about marijuana, uh, one night my roommate and I smoked some marijuana and, uh, we went down to what they called the Cougar One Stop.

It was a little Stop & Rob down on the corner of the, the, uh…

Did you get that ma’am?

Stop & Rob.

Did you…

Yeah.

And, uh, so I think Johnny Thompson, it was a 7-Eleven, they used to own that but they sold it to…

It’s a long story.

And so we went down there after smoking some dope and I went in there and I asked the guy behind the desk, I said…

You know, behind the, there at the cou- I said, “Um, hello?” “Uh, do you have,

um, oh, 400 or 500 packages of Fritos and, uh, about 10 cases of bean dip?” Man, the

munchies.

You know, we, we were just starving, you know.

So the, it gave me the munchies and we’d just eat like at 3:00 in the morning just, you know, a case of bean dip.

So I was not a big dope smoker.

That was not my big deal.

Then one night I got into some other things.

My roommate, again he’s the culprit.

He’s the one, this is his br- He walked in, he said…

He didn’t walk, he flew in the room.

He said, “Okay, we have to study for a test.

We’re gonna stay up all night, take two of these right here and drink a cup of coffee.

We have a test.” I took two of these little white pills, drank a cup of coffee and read War and Peace in 12 minutes.

We were studying for a biology test.

Why did I need to read War and Peace, period?

Speed.

Dexedrine.

Amphetamines.

And as y’all can tell, I don’t need any speed for heaven sake, you know?

I mean I drank one cup of coffee a while ago and I could thread a sewing machine with it running right now.

So I tried speed.

I, uh, I got out of college.

My wife Janice and I moved to, uh, to Nashville, Tennessee.

And, uh, a lady named Dottie West, who I miss very much, was very instrumental in bringing me there.

And within the first two or three months that I was in Nashville, Dottie ushered me into this circle of friends that she had, uh, of records.

I mean these guys and gals, the most unbelievably talented singer, songwriter, musician, drug addicts, alcoholics.

Every single one.

We would sit in a circle and pass drugs one way and a guitar the other and I, if I could tell you, I mean if I can tell you what it was like, uh, the first time that I

ever…

Well, I can’t tell you the songs because it’s an anonymous program, but anyway, some of the music that I heard from these great songwriters, the first time anybody had ever heard them.

We were sitting in a circle of friends and I just, we just thought we were just, you know, curing the ills of the world and just that we were cool and that if people would just listen to us

that we had the answers.

And we did have beautiful songs, and it was wonderful and I loved it and it was exciting and I learned, uh, from them.

Some of these guys and gals are in recovery and the ones that aren’t in recovery are dead.

It’s just that simple, you know?

That’s except for one, and he’s still alive, and God knows how, uh, by the grace of God.

And I won’t go into all that.

It was a wonderful time.

It was an exciting time.

Nashville was alive, and we were writing songs and singing records and getting on TV shows.

And, and so, you know, smoked a little dope, took a little speed, uh, learned to drink vodka.

And, uh, one night I was in a big hotel in, uh, Las Vegas.

A friend of mine was performing there.

And I was in his dressing room in the kind of the living room part, and he was back in the dressing room part, and I was down there having a beer.

And, uh, and all of a sudden I heard this, and then I, I heard this.

And I didn’t know what it was.

And this fella, he walked out like this.

He had changed his mind about the entire situation.

You know what I’m saying?

He was ready.

We don’t know what he was ready for, but he was ready.

And, uh, I said, I said, “What were you doing back there?

What was that noise?” He said, “Did a little bump.” I said, “What?” He said, “I did a line.” I said, “You did what?” He said,

“I snorted some cocaine, dummy.

Do you want some of it?” And I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I said, “Yes, I do want some of it.

Let’s try it.” And guess what, folks?

It was wonderful.

Young people, Caroline, you and Alexandra, this young person, these people over here, let me tell you something, okay?

And that young lady.

Sometimes people try to scare you talking about drugs, and they’ll say, “You won’t like it,” or, “It’ll make you sick right

away.

You won’t like it.

It’s, you’ll just feel awful.” Okay?

And they mean well.

They mean to tell you the right thing, and they’re trying to scare you, okay?

Will you listen to me just for a minute?

Because I’ve done it.

The first time I tried it, I liked it.

It felt real good.

I got real happy.

I felt real strong, like I could do anything.

And this young lady, what’s your name, sweetie?

Sarah.

I love that.

Biblical name, Sarah.

Sarah, I loved it.

It felt good.

It felt like Christmas, you know?

It was wonderful.

I’d never felt anything like that.

That was the first time I tried it.

And the second time I tried it, guess what?

I liked it again.

And the third time I tried it, and the fourth, and the fifth, and for the better part of the next two or three years, or four or five years, I really liked it.

So if your mom or daddy or teacher or preacher or somebody tries to tell you you won’t like it, it’s not that they’re lying to you.

They just don’t maybe understand as well, and they mean well.

They’re trying to help you.

Listen to me.

I liked it.

I loved it.

But then something happened, sweetheart.

Sarah, something happened.

All of a sudden, I would do this cocaine, and it didn’t feel good anymore.

It didn’t feel good at all.

And all I would do, I’d get shaky, and I would get afraid, and I would go, and I would lock my hotel door and put a chair up under

the door, and then I would go over here and, and take the curtains and push a table up against them so they wouldn’t accidentally come open because I knew there was somebody out there who was gonna get me.

And I’d stay for a week in a hotel room, and I’d keep doing these drugs, and I never could feel good.

I just knew if I did a little bit more that I’d get that feeling that I had back a long time ago, and it would feel good again.

It never did feel good again.

And all I got was sick, and it hurt.

And when I’d run out of that stuff, I’d get a horrible headache and a horrible…

You remember when you had the flu?

Wasn’t it awful?

This is worse than the flu.

This is the worst flu you’ve ever had.

That’s what you feel like.

You ache all over when you run out of that stuff, and it felt bad.

And I would leave my little girl and my boy and my wife, and I would go to New York City and lock myself in a hotel room and not take a bath

or eat food for a week and just do those old drugs, and they didn’t feel good anymore.

Because, see, I had…

You know what it means when you believe a lie?

I believed a lie was the truth, and let me tell you what that lie was.

I believed that cocaine was not physically addictive and that I would be all right and that I’d get over it.

You know why I believed it?

Because it said so in the paper.

Huh?

Yeah.

Get this.

I read an article as recently as 13 years ago in The New York Times, supposed to be the best paper

in America, on the front page.

You know what it said?

“Cocaine is not physically addicting.” I went

Yes.

That’s what I wanted to hear.

Now we’re cooking.

It’s okay.

I can do this, a- and if I keep doing, it’ll start feeling good again.

So I kept doing it.

It, it was on the front page of The New York Time…

It’s only psychological.

Psychologically addicting.

Boy, there’s a word that just fits so perfectly right here for what I wanna say.

Let’s say hogwash instead of the one I’m thinking of, okay?

Hogwash.

Repeat after me.

Hogwash.

In the meantime, scientists have done, they’ve done experiments.

What time is it?

When am I supposed to be through?

I’m having fun.

The Cowboy game isn’t till next week.

Y’all ain’t got nothing to do.

They’ve done experiments on laboratory monkeys, okay?

About what is addictive and what is not.

And I’ll just do this quickly.

They, they took a, a monkey and they addicted this, a monkey to, uh, alcohol.

Okay, now they didn’t teach the monkey to walk in and order a scotch and soda, you know?

I mean, come on, get with me here.

They put a little needle in there, he pressed a little lever, and they give him the alcohol in his veins.

Well, it’s okay.

It’s okay.

He…

They did…

It’s…

I know you like the monkey, but just hang with me here.

She went, “Oh, no.” But they had to do it because they had to find out, you know?

They had to find out about these.

Why didn’t they just take a rat?

Okay.

You know, come to think of it, I think it was a rat.

Now I feel like a rat for talking about monkeys.

Okay, it was a rat.

And they pressed, pressed the little lever.

The little rat took, pressed the lever, and they gave him some.

And, and he dug it.

He was cool.

So they, they addicted this little rat to alcohol.

And then they took another little rat, and they addicted this rat to Valium.

Now, some of you are saying, “My mama takes Valium.” Hold on.

I’m not talking about your mama.

I’m talking about the most overprescribed prescription drug on the face of the earth, Valium, okay?

And also one of the most addictive.

So they addicted a rat to Valium.

Press the lever, and it shoots in their vein.

You got the picture.

They did that with, uh, cigarettes.

Aha, sorry.

Have I stepped on any toe?

How many of you have tried to quit smoking?

Help me, God.

Yes.

Thank God I did, 11 years ago.

Nicotine.

Now, they didn’t teach this rat to fire up a Marlboro.

Who are we kidding, right?

He pressed the little lever, and they put the nicotine because they wanna see the effects.

Heroin, right?

Sugar.

Anybody wanna talk about trying to quit, uh, eating sugar?

Oh, boy, donuts.

I mean, donuts.

Yes.

Uh, cocaine, okay?

They addicted a monkey…

I mean, a rat…

Well, I won’t tell you some other stuff that all of us humans like, and we have children here.

Y’all get the picture?

Okay.

Now, they did a dirty trick, Caroline.

Y’all quit whispering.

You pay attention to me.

I’m just kidding, sweetheart.

I love these kids.

I’m kid…

They, then they did a dirty trick on him.

They took that stuff away from him.

See, they had him addicted to it.

They had him where they had to have it.

I know it’s terrible what they did.

So the little rat pressed the lever, the alcohol rat, and they wouldn’t give him any.

And he pressed the lever again, and he pressed the lever about 40 times.

I mean, he won’t, with no positive reinforcement, without…

Sounds to me like it’s addictive, right?

40 times.

A- And the rat went back and had DTs, just like a human.

Got sick, just like we would if you take…

Uh, what’s this one?

Valium.

Valium.

Valium.

The rat pressed it.

We- Thank you.

Uh, pressed this lever 60, 80 times.

I mean, this, wanted this drug, right?

What’s the next one?

Cigarettes.

Varied a hundred times.

They pressed it.

Heroin.

The rat pressed it about 10 times.

Now, does that mean heroin’s not addictive?

No.

It’s not at all what it means.

They’re trying to show you the cycle and what really i- but it, it looks like heroin’s not even as addictive as, as Valium, and this is being sold over the counter down at People’s Drug.

And then they got sugar.

Pressed it a bunch, you know, 50, a hundred times.

Cocaine, right?

He pressed it.

He pressed the lever.

He pressed it.

He…

3,000 times.

3,000.

This does not sound like a psychological addiction to me.

This sounds like the rat needs some toot.

The rat needs some blow.

The rat needs to do a line.

And they’re trying to tell me it is psychologically addictive.

Let me tell you something.

The rat didn’t go home and say, “Oh, honey, today has been a bummer.

I’m gonna do a line.” Don’t give me that.

This rat is addicted to this stuff, and so was this old rat.

I was so addicted, and the first time I tried it, I loved it.

And I went to my drug dealer.

I sold, sold a car for $7,500, and I threw 75 clean, crisp $100 bill on his table.

And I said, “Do not under any circumstances ever let me run out of that stuff again.” And he did his part.

Let me tell you that.

He did.

My drug dealer did his part.

And it turned on me.

And it turned on me and my

Creative self dried up, and the fella who had, in years previous, written some pretty good songs, dried up.

And I started writing things that I…

Oh, they rhymed, I guess.

But…

Well, anyway, they w- Looking back on it, I wish I hadn’t put my name on them.

And the music business dried up, and my family relationship dried up, and my relationship with God dried up.

And one night, one morning, about 6:30, at the Holiday Inn over on

Central, in Dallas, Texas, I was on my hands and knees, appropriately enough, crawling

on the floor, trying to put lint in a freebase pipe.

Uh, because a terrible thing had happened.

I’d run out of drugs.

I’d been doing drugs for three days with some really good friends of mine.

I’d known them about 30 minutes when we started.

But we were out.

I was out of money, and they were gone.

Gone.

They were out of there.

We’d run out of drugs.

G. was out of money.

Whoosh.

Out.

Out the door.

And I was picking up these little pieces of lint that I was hoping was cocaine that we had dropped and trying to smoke it in this pipe that

they had left.

Hands and knees.

And I crawled into the bathroom of that Holiday Inn, and I looked in the mirror, and what I saw

in that mirror was absolutely the most frightening moment of my life.

I, I don’t know what the devil looks like, Don.

I think he looked like Larry G. at that point in time.

I’ve never seen anything like it.

The most frightened, scared, lonely, hopeless, helpless, sick image.

I, I, I cannot tell you.

I, I didn’t have horns and a tail and a pitchfork, but that’s all I lacked.

I, I will never forget it till the day they plant me.

I will remember that moment.

I was on my hands and knees, appropriately enough, and I said, “God, if you don’t help me, I’m gonna die.” And

God did help me.

I somehow got into a cab in the front of that hotel, and we…

I said, “The airport.” I said, “Sir, do you like country music?” He said, “I love country music.” I said, “Do you like the G. Brothers?” He said, “They’re my very favorites.” I said, “I’m Larry G..” He said, “You don’t look like Larry G..”

I said, “All the gold…” He said, “You’re Larry G..” I said, “I do not have any money.

But I will give you my address, and if you will give me yours, I will pay you when I get home.

I’m broke.” He said, “Okay.” He got me to the Dallas Airport, and appropriately enough, a guy named Michael, who had gotten me drunk on many occasions because he was the bartender at the Admirals Club, it was all Michael’s fault, right?

He saw me get out of this cab.

He paid my cab fare, took me to the Admirals Club, and called my wife and said, “I’m sending him home.

He’s yours.

Here he comes.” I got to Nashville, Tennessee, and I, uh, told my wife that I was gonna go check myself into treatment.

I wanna back up a minute.

About two months before this, my wonderful friend, Darrell Royal, who, uh, a lot of you probably know, looked me in the face one night and he said, “I love you, Larry, just like one of my kids, but you’re sick

and you need help.” I said, “Darrell, I can do this on my own.

I ain’t going to no place.

They ain’t gonna tack me up.

I ain’t gonna do a bunch of rules.

I ain’t gonna do all that stuff.

I can do this on my own.

I will show you.” He said, “You cannot.” I said, “Yes, I can.

I’ll show you.” “Well,” he said, “if you don’t, will you go to a place?” I said, “Yes.

I’ll give you my word of honor.

If I can’t whip this thing on my own, I’ll let you take me out there to the funny farm.” So I went 17 days without

doing any cocaine.

And then one night over in Fort Worth, my disease hopped up on my shoulder and it said, “You have been so good.

You’ve been a good boy.

Just do a little.” And another one of those real good friends that you know for 30 minutes, he walked by and said, “Hey, you’re G., aren’t you?” I said, “Yeah.” And he patted his pocket.

I knew.

Every drug addict know, hey, pat your pocket, you got it right there, you see.

So I went off on a six-day, $5,000 binge.

Well, this time when I got home, I called Darrell.

He met me here in Fort Worth, or at Fort Wo- We were doing Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth.

He met me in Fort Worth.

We got on an airplane.

He took me and checked in.

I checked in voluntarily to the Care Unit Hospital of Orange, California, and under the supervision of Dr.

Joe Purse, and by the grace of God and the help of some little steps and some folks, I started on this plan of recovery.

I went in there the first night and, and they put me in this room and the lady said, “Now, we’re gonna have to take your, your, your shaving kit.” I said, “Why?

I ain’t in here to stop shaving.” She said, “We don’t want you eating the aftershave or, or drinking the aftershave.”

And, and, and I said, “Lady, lady, I am a cocaine addict.

I am not gonna drink aftershave.” She said, “It has alcohol in it.

You just might.” I mean, wow

I mean, I was a high class drunk.

I wanted to snort cocaine.

I didn’t care anything about drinking Aqua Velva, for God’s sake.

She said, “We’re taking it anyway,” so they did.

The next morning…

You gotta hear this part.

You’ll love this.

Dinky will love this.

The next morning, you gotta see this, I came out of that room, buddy, I got right down here.

I said, “Where are the good rooms?

I don’t have a shower in my room.” I want, I c- I want a…

And I said, “There’s some guy next to me got a ghetto blaster going all night.

I can’t sleep.

I want the good room.

I can affo- Where are the rooms with the showers?” She said, “Mr.

G., the shower is right down there.” I said, “No, you don’t understand.

I can afF. the good room.

I want a room with a shower.

Where is the shower?” She said, “The shower is right down there.” I said, “You don’t understand.

Last night I was in a $1,000 hotel room.

I am a star.

I want the good rooms.” She said, “Mr.

G., you are not a star in here.

You are a drug addict just like everybody else.” So I just went down to the shower.

Who do you think put her in my path?

God Almighty, Brother Don.

God Almighty put that little old woman there because she wasn’t gonna take any crapol- Oh, God, did I say crapol?

At Lovers Lane Methodist Church, did I say that?

She wasn’t gonna take anything from me, and God told her what to say.

God told her what to do.

God told her how to react and let me just spill my guts and do all that ego thing that I was doing.

And then she told me, “Where are the showers?” “It’s right down there.

Get your little slippers on, buddy, and just get right down there.

That’s where we shower.

There aren’t any rooms.

That’s it.

This is the deal.” That’s right.

That’s what happened.

God put her in my path.

I’ll never forget, I was in treatment in there, and we had this little primary group, right?

About 15 clowns sitting around crying and snot flowing everywhere and…

Good Lord, I was hot.

Boy, I was mad.

I’m in here.

I’m missing ballgames and all kinds of stuff.

I’m in here with these drunks.

Jiminy Christmas, how’d I get in here?

And we were talking about the steps and the first of, “Well, my mother…” And I’m going, “Oh, geez.

I don’t wanna sh- My mother.

Give me a break.

You know, and they’re going around the room talking about the steps, and it finally got my turn.

I said, “I did all 12 of them son of a bitches this morning.

Why don’t I feel any better?” That’s true.

Now, listen, that is not a bad word.

God has a good sense of humor.

That…

Understand where I was.

I was desperate.

I was desperate.

God has a heart of love and a heart of mercy.

That was the cry from my heart.

I did what they had told me to do.

You know what the counselor said?

God put another miracle worker in my pa- He said, “Mr.

G., why don’t you just try step one for the first year and get back with us?” That’s

the truth.

That’s the truth.

All of that anger and, you know, that was boiling up inside of me, that’s what that’s about.

That’s what that’s about.

And God put another miracle worker in my path that told me exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the point in time that I needed to do it.

That was 11 years ago.

By the grace of God, oh, man, I’ve been sober and clean for those 11 years.

That is a miracle of such proportion, God deserves a round of applause.

Not me, God deserves a round of applause.

And I I’ve been to meetings where people say, “Well, you know, I’m having trouble with the

spiritual part of the program.” I said, “As opposed to what other part- …

that you’re having all this trouble with?” You know?

I, I, I wonder.

And one time I was in the meeting a- and, uh, it seemed like I’m picking on the girls, I’m not, it just happened to be this young lady.

She’d been out of treatment, uh, about a week, two weeks, and she identified herself and she said, “Now, don’t y’all get mad at me.” She said, “I, I went over, I, I skipped

a few of the steps because I just had to make some amends.

I’m really only on step three, but I just felt like I had to…

And now don’t y’all be mad at me, please.

I just, I just had to go, and thank you for letting me share.” And my old buddy Clarence Selman, he said, “Hi…” He’s country as a

gourd dipper.

He said, “Hi, I’m Clarence.

I’m a alcoholic.” He said, “Little lady, we’re not supposed to have any cross talk in here.” But he said, “I wanna tell you something.” He said, “You can work this dad-burn program any way you want to, but we are not gonna change it for

you.” Do you love that?

I got a buddy who wrote a song about the Ten Commandments.

He said, “They are called the Ten Commandments, not the ten suggestions.” These little old steps are steps that are what?

Suggested as a program of recovery.

And by the grace of God, I have tried to work those steps, and I realized…

A wonderful friend of mine named Jack Boland told me, do y’all know what the very first book of AA was?

Now, I know we have people in here, uh, who, who, God as you understand him, that God as you understand him got me back to my Christian relationship.

It is above and beyond-

beyond what I’m supposed to do tonight and what I’m here for to try to get you to come join this church or be a…

be anything else.

It is God as you understand Him.

The first book of AA that Dr.

Bob and Bill W.

took to the first drunk in the hospital was a little book called The Sermon on the Mount by Emmett Fox.

What I believe was the leading of the Holy Spirit realized that there were people in this world who, if you said Jesus or Christ, they would turn you off immediately.

And the Holy Spirit told them to say, “God, as you understand Him,” and let God worry about which church or synagogue or whatever else or mosque or whatever.

And because of that, I got to sit in an AA meeting one day about seven, eight years ago in Moscow and see a Russian

crying his eyes out who had never been told about Jesus or anything else.

Somebody told him that it was a God of his understanding, and somehow he took a hold of that and grasped that, and he’d been sober for nine years.

That’s what this program is about.

That’s what this miracle is about.

And, um, as I stand…

You know what?

When I was drinking, young ladies, when I was drinking and doing drugs, I had problems with my wife.

I had problems with my kids.

I had problems with the fans.

I had problems with money.

And then I got clean and sober and quit drinking, and guess what?

I have problems with my wife.

I have problems with my kids.

I have problems with the fans.

I have problems.

I have the same, many of the same problems.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is I don’t drink and take drugs over it, and God in His or her or their or its marvelous grace

has provided a set of tools for me that we in AA call the 12 Steps, that the first Dr.

Bob and Bill W.

called the Sermon on the Mount, that, uh, different religions all over the world call the truth, the truth.

And as I have tried to follow that truth and find that truth in my own life, my life has become so infinitely wonderful that I cannot even tell

you.

Yeah, I got problems.

After we got out of, uh, uh, you know, we were a million six in debt when I was in, in the treatment center.

We got out, worked hard, a- and got that all paid off back to the bank.

And my wonderful friend, my cousin, Tom Sartin, came to me and said, “You know that little tax deal we thought we might have a little, uh, exposure on, thought might have about 50 grand?

Seven twenty.” I mean seven twenty.

Well, I don’t mean seven hundred and twenty dollars.

I got that on me.

Well, not tonight.

Uh, my wife got it in my billfold before I left.

Seven hundred and twenty thousand that I did not have.

God got me out of that.

We worked hard.

Still got problems, but I don’t have to drink over it.

Don’t have to drug over it.

If you are here tonight and you think, “Well, Larry, that’s you, but you don’t know my problems,” what was that word we used a while ago?

Hogwash.

Hogwash.

It’s not true.

If I can get sober and do this program, a German shepherd can do this program and get sober.

Please believe me.

Give God a hand.

He is the reason for this.

This program is about love

and about healing and about goodness.

Nobody has ever worked it perfectly.

Uh, nobody ever will.

But we’re not about perfection.

We’re about progress.

And if you’re here tonight and your life sounds anything like the story you have just heard, which is the truth.

It’s the truth.

I don’t have to make that stuff up.

Every drunk who’s here, every drug addict who’s here has had basically those same kind of things happen to them.

And it can be done.

I’ve seen people’s lives turned around that, that would boggle your mind.

And if you are here tonight and you are willing to take some little steps, if you want what the rest of us have and are willing to go to any

length to get it, it is a joy and a peace that passes all human understanding.

It works.

I went in for throat surgery five years ago.

The doctor said, “Sometimes this works, sometime this doesn’t.” I said, “Knock me out and get after it, Doc.

I’m in bigger hands than yours and mine.” And he did a good job.

He did a real good job.

I don’t care what it is, divorce, relationships, kids.

Hey, my daddy and I have been mad at each other for 30 years.

We’re good buddies now.

We can visit.

My kids can come to me and talk to me about stuff.

It doesn’t matter what that problem is or who you are.

This program is for everybody.

For everybody.

Black, white, Christian, Jew, Muslim.

This program is no respecter of persons.

If you want it and you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, come try it our way.

‘Cause our way works.

And then, if you don’t like it, we will gladly refund your misery.

It’s just that simple.

Lord, help me walk

another mile, just one more mile.

I’m tired of walking all alone.

Lord, help me smile another smile, just one more smile.

I know I just can’t make it on my own.

I never thought I’d needed help before.

I thought that I could do things all by myself.

Now I know I just can’t take it anymore.

With a humble heart on bended knees, I’m begging you please for help.

Come down from your golden throne to me,

to lowly me.

I need to feel the touch of your tender hand.

Remove the chains of darkness and let me see, Lord, let me see.

Just where I fit into your master plan.

I never thought I’d needed help before.

I thought that I could get by by myself.

Now I know I just can’t take it anymore.

With a humble heart on bended knees, I’m begging you please for help.

With a humble heart on bended knees, I’m begging you please for help.

He said help.

Just

a second.

Oh, mercy.

I got sober, the guitar’s still drunk.

Brother

Don wrote this song, a song I wrote to, after I got sober, and I believe this is true.

There’s a healing stream that’s flowing down from a higher

place above.

A healing stream where heartaches drown.

It’s the healing stream of love.

So if your heart’s been broken too, and you need a new

heart from above.

Dear friend, all I say to you, is just wade right out

in the middle of the healing stream of love.

Well, I’ve been to the stream that’s flowing down.

So I know what I’m speaking of.

It was in that stream that my heartaches-

Drown in that healing stream of love.

So if your heart’s been broken in two and you need a new

heart from above, dear friend, all I say to you

is just wade right out in the middle of the healing stream of love.

Dear friend, all I say to you is just wade right out

in the middle of the healing stream of love.

Thank

you.

I wrote those two songs.

I’m grateful to, to God for them.

I love gospel music.

I was raised singing gospel music.

The great songs of the church.

I love Amazing Grace and A Mighty Fortress is Our God and When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.

I, I love all those songs.

The song that, that I would love someday on the other side of the river, uh, if, if down the line somewhere

they give me three minutes, this is the one that I would like to sing for the higher power that I choose to call God.

Because, see, a while ago in, in a, in a, uh, a moment of, of, you know, telling this story, I said a word that probably hadn’t been said in this church before.

Because you know why?

‘Cause I’m just an old human.

I’m just an old human being with all the same lusts and desires and faults and failures that we all have.

But you see, this thing called mercy, and this thing called love, and this thing called forgiveness that this program is really about at its very core and at

its very heart, is unconditional on our human condition.

It’s not dependent upon our human condition, and that is what I am grateful for beyond anything I can tell you.

So for those of you tonight who are here whose faith is a little more traditional and a little more, uh, reserved and sometimes mighty, this one’s for you.

Because like I say, if they gave me three minutes, I’d like to sing this to God.

I’ve got three minutes and He’s probably listening, right?

Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father.

There is no shadow of turning with Thee.

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not.

As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Morning by morning, new mercies I see.

All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Most beautiful verse ever written in the English language.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide.

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Sing it with me.

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness.

Morning by morning, new mercies I see.

All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

I love you, and I love you.

That’s it.