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Source: Monty M. Foley, AL – BOX OF CHOCOLATES – 2025-02-14.mp3 File: monty-m-foley-al-box-of-chocolates-2025-02-14.mp3 Duration: 00:48:30
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When we started dating, I think he was a guy, you know, he was a good guy, but he was a guy. Over these years, disciplined, doing the same thing. He does it every day. He's like a hamster. But, you know, if he doesn't show up at a certain time, I get my panic, you know, but he constantly gives back to this program, particularly since he has retired. And I know he works this program because he says, I'm sorry a lot.
He knows I'm always right. So I'd like to introduce your speaker tonight, Mr. Monty M., Monty M.. How y'all doing? Can you hear me? Okay. Thank you, honey. Well, happy Valentine's. You can see through this. I don't want to hide behind it. But, uh, I'm going to introduce you to Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M..
Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M.. Monty M. and I am an alcoholic. I am a member of the South Baldwin group, Alcoholics Anonymous in Foley, Alabama. We meet on Monday, Thursday night and Saturday morning. So if you ever need a meeting on those days at 8 o'clock at night, Monday and Thursday and then Saturday at 10. So if you're ever in Foley and need a meeting, come on by. My sobriety date is August 4th, 1990.
And I got sober in South Alabama in District 19. Gulf Shores group was my home group for the first 17 years of my sobriety. Then moved to Alaska for 17 years and continued there. Like Willie said, I retired and moved back, been back for two years, two and a half. The thing I think I liked most about when I got into the program, I actually still have my very first schedule from the very first meeting I went to in Gulf Shores.
There was nine meetings in all of South Baldwin County and we had to go to all the different towns if we wanted a meeting each day. And so we got to meet everybody. And even though it was a small town that we lived in, we had a big area to cover. And I don't want to sound like, you know, back in the day, you know, we had to walk through the snow to go to a meeting and stuff like that. You know, it's not like that, but it was a really good, strong community.
And that's what my AA program has always been based on is the sense of community that I got when I went into that first meeting and they welcomed me and I didn't want to be there. And they said, keep coming back. And I didn't want to go back, all those things. But we'll start off like when I was asked to do this, I got a text from Steph and I'm like, hell no, I'm not doing that. You know, while I'm writing a reply, absolutely, I'd love to.
Because that's what we were taught to do. Someone asked you to do something in AA, you do it. Because I was very unreliable. You can never take my word for anything. And the people in AA taught me to get my integrity back. Start doing what you say you're going to do. But I was born and raised in Alexandria, Virginia. We lived in Mount Vernon, Virginia, had a great childhood. It was an awesome place to live.
You know, we went through the whole 60s, you know, I'm 67 years old. And so when growing up, a lot of turbulent times, but it was just a great place to live. My father had a sailing marina on the Potomac River. My mother was a homemaker, told my youngest brother, you know, got into school and then she went back to work for the airlines part-time. So we didn't have a whole lot of money, but we got to do amazing things because my mother worked for the airline, so we could travel places.
My dad had a hundred bucks, we'd go somewhere. And so had a great, great time. My friends would go with me with my dad to work because he loved taking us all to work.
[00:05:01]
We'd hang out at the marina and play in the dirty, filthy water of the Potomac River and play on boats and get in trouble. And he had little quarters with marks on them that we could play the jukebox and we'd eat cheeseburgers and just had a great childhood. And you know, did well in school. I was, you know, A's and B's, you know, going through elementary school, didn't want to upset mom and dad, wanted the teacher to like me, did all those things.
And I was shy and always kind of tried to hang back because I was a middle child, but you know, so what. But I'll tell you a quick story. So my mother was very adventurous and loved to have fun. And so we went on a trip. She managed to get, she had bought a Volkswagen bus. And so she decides to drive up with me and my two brothers. My youngest brother was still in diapers and we drive up to Ohio to get her sister and her six kids.
And then we got my grandmother and another cousin. So there's 13 of us in a Volkswagen van. And we drive from Akron, Ohio down to Jasper, Alabama. This was going back so she could see all of her aunts and uncles because that's where her grandmother or her mother was from up in Winston County, Alabama, a place called Arlie. And so we're driving down, go through Ohio, go through Kentucky, Tennessee, and right when we cross over the Alabama line to pull into a roadside stand, and it was my birthday.
I think it was my fifth birthday. So we're having cake at the roadside area. And you know, we had a big party and eating cake and I go to the bathroom. I come out of the bathroom, everyone's gone. The van's gone. My whole family's gone. And I'm in a parking lot and I'm like, and this man who had been there talking with my mother and my aunt, my grandmother, you know, saw me, I'm standing there crying.
She's like, you know, where'd they go? So he kind of knew we were going to Alabama, even though, and so he got, I got in the car with him and we start heading down the interstate or the highway at that time. And when I see him finally, it was a ways, but there was this yellow tarp on the top of the van that my dad had rigged up to cover our luggage. And of course my aunt and my mom could never get it back right.
So it was always flapping in the wind, but I could see it flapping up way up ahead of us and we pull up alongside and he starts honking and they're all looking and waving, you know, and they're like, look, he looks just like Bonnie. And then it was like, oh my God. And they slam on a brakes, pull over. My mother yanks me out of the car, puts me back in with her and they just drive off. So it just kind of goes to show, you know, there's 13 of us in a Volkswagen.
So of course there's not a whole lot of, you know, whatever. I just was able to filter my way out of that. No one really noticed. My mother always says that my brother knew that I was not there and he didn't say anything. So that's just kind of, you know, I was quiet and shy and I just didn't create a fuss or anything until it was the summer between seventh and eighth grade. And I had my first drink, smoked my first joint, I did my first hit of acid.
Now there's drugs in my story, like most people, I think nowadays. So it's just a big part of everything. It wasn't like all of a sudden I was, oh wow, this is something different. This was great. But it made me not feel as isolated as I felt, not as shy as I was. Everyone, we know what, I liked the way it made me feel. The thing it did though was all of the good family things that I've been taught, all of the things that, you know, right and wrong and how you're supposed to interact with family and being honest and all those things that I was taught became secondary.
It became more important to me to have that feeling again and to fit in with the people
[00:10:02]
I was doing it with than it did to what I knew my parents wanted me to do, what my parents had taught me. So at a very early age, because of alcohols and drugs, something switched. Something went out. But it was still there. And they told us when I got in here, of course, I didn't know any of this stuff. But as soon as I got here, they started saying, you know, we got to start uncovering all that again.
And that's what I really liked about this program, even though it says there's a solution and we're not going to like it, and I didn't like doing it, but I sure did like to find that stuff that was hidden way back down in there, that had been covered up with all the turmoil and stuff that I caused. So grades started slipping, started skipping school, and my parents were baffled. And I'd come home and they're, have you been drinking?
No. Have you been doing drugs? No. Of course not. You know, so lying started to come real easy. So now I'm a liar, and I'm disrespecting my parents, and I'm doing things that I didn't really want to do, but I was just doing them. So it was amazing how quickly what I knew was right and wrong to, I added the third category. There's right and there's wrong and what I can live with, right? And then that what I can live with area just started getting bigger and bigger.
I can live with lying. I can live with cheating. I can live with stealing. I feel guilty, yeah, but I can live with it. Take a drink, have a drug, it's okay, I can live with that. So there was no more gray area. It was all gray area, right? And so this went on, and it was driving my parents absolutely crazy. And I'd come in one day after skipping school all day and being drunk, and I'd come home and my mother would be crying on the couch.
I'm like, oh crap, you know, here it is. My dad would just be, and I just didn't understand that I was doing this to them. It didn't really matter because in my mind, I didn't know it at the time, but I was abnormally selfish and self-centered when it came to alcohol. That's just the way it was going to be. And of course, I'd try to get on the good side, I'll do better, I promise, and it meant absolutely nothing.
So I'd lost something so quickly, you know, a sense of integrity, a sense of worth, a sense of pride. It was amazing how quickly that went. And this is all looking back. I had no idea at the time. I was just doing what the hell I wanted to do. And I'd go through, you know, so finally my parents were just beside themselves. I'd had friends who had OD'd and died, and, you know, I was only 15 and I've already had two friends OD and die.
And they were like, we got to get them the hell out of here. We got to get out of here. And of course, again, I didn't know this, but they were leaving mainly to get me out of there because they thought it was the area. They thought it was the people I was with. And, you know, I would have been doing it, so it didn't matter. They were looking for a geographic cure to a problem that I had. And so they moved to Atlanta.
And I, you know, of course, I'm, this is terrible, you know, I didn't think I'd ever move. I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave what I'm doing. And, you know, I was just a juvenile delinquent. And I really had no respect for anything. Of course, I was doing what I wanted to do. Spooled, I guess. And moved to Atlanta. I found the exact same people. Exact same. So I straightened up a little bit, you know, started playing football.
I was on swim team. I started playing football. I was on the swim team when I lived in Virginia, so I was always
[00:15:03]
into sports, but I was on the swim team. I did all the things we were supposed to do and get there, so I'm playing football, but we're drunk all the time. And it just continued. My parents were just like, my God, what the hell? There's a joke. And I want to let you know, I'm a sailor. I went to sea for 28 years in the Merchant Marines, so if I cuss, I'm not being an example, you know, a bad example. I'm a sailor. Sailors cuss, so I'm being a role model, okay, of what sailors are, but, you know, the joke was, after I came into the program, the joke was always, my mother would always be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And, but it's like, I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I like the, I didn't know it, but I like the way drugs and alcohol made me feel.
Pretty simple. I didn't like the way I felt without them. So, again, I'm back in, I'm in Atlanta with the same kind of people, and it wasn't their fault. I mean, we were young, stupid kids, and, but I kept doing the same thing. And, you know, it would, it finally got to, somehow I managed to get through high school there. I don't know how, I don't know how. I really don't. And then, well, you need to go to college.
I like that. What do I want to go? I don't even want to go to high school. I skipped most of it. I don't know how I graduated. Didn't learn a damn thing. That was the other thing that was amazing, when I started drinking and drugging, is how quickly I thought I knew everything, but I didn't know anything. I didn't learn a damn thing in all that years of drinking and drugging. Didn't learn anything. But I still thought I was the smartest person. I knew everything. That was, and I didn't realize that until I got into Alcoholics Anonymous.
Again, they were talking about, be honest. That's all they ever said was, be honest, be honest. And, you know, it'd be like, don't you know, if you drink and drive, you'll get a DUI? I'm like, yeah, I know that. Don't you know, if you spend all your money on the weekend, you can't pay your bills on Monday? Yeah, I know that. I knew everything. But I didn't know what the problem was. So, for some reason, I went to Troy University. I got there. I don't know what I'm doing there, because I should have been in remedial education. Because, I mean, yes, I was, I learned what I needed to to eighth grade, seventh grade. That was about it. You know, I just, and so, I start pissing away college. Drinking all the time, not going to classes.
My parents had moved to Bon Secours, Alabama, by that time. And so, I ended up following them down, of course. You know, I'm the bad penny. They can move all they want. I'm still going to find them. Because I got trouble, and I don't have any money. And, you know, I don't, you know, DUIs, yeah, but that's in another state. That's a new state. They don't know me, right? And yeah, police problems there. But, you know, new leaf of life, you know, new lease on life. I'm in a new state. And Gulf Shores in 19, this was 1976 when they moved down here. And, of course, like a bad penny, I showed up. And I'm like, oh my god, this, there's nothing to do here. I mean, this is, this is hick town. But then I found some people who like to party like I did.
And then I found a profession that I'm like, you know, I don't need to go to school because I found these people called shrimpers. And shrimpers were like, we'll go out on the water, we'll catch a bunch of shrimp,
[00:20:00]
we'll come in, we'll get a bunch of cash, and then we'll drink, and we'll drug and have fun. And I'm like, that's for me. This is for me. Awesome. We'll go out, clean our systems out, not drink, get sobered up, feel good, come back in and start it all over again. And I had arrived. I found exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to go out on the water, not drink and drug, just go out there and earn some money, and then come back and blow it all.
It was awesome. But after a while, trouble started again. I started getting into fistfights. There was a bar down here in Gulf Shores called the Seagull Lounge. Now, the Seagull was a shrimper's hangout. There weren't really beach bars at that time, but the shrimper bar was a pretty good place to go. So, all of a sudden, I'm getting in fistfights in the parking lot and getting, you know, my eyes poked out and getting in knife fights and getting my hands slit open with razor blades and things like that. And it's like, you know, from a kid who didn't really, was shy and just wanted to hide in the back, now I'm in the forefront of all this and I don't like this. But it didn't stop. It didn't stop.
I decided shrimping was a little bit too hard. I wanted to work, I wanted money, but I didn't want to work that damn hard. It's hard work. So, what little time I had, I decided to go out in the old patch. And I had a little sea time from working on shrimp boats, so I got a captain's license. On shrimp boats, so I got a captain's license. Lied my ass off. You know, because they ask you on the application, have you ever do drugs? Oh, hell no. Never. And so, continuing through the lying all the time.
And so, I became a, started working out in the old patch. So, that was great. So, I got two weeks of structure, being on the boat, three meals a day, and then I get two weeks off. So, I'm like, this is awesome. I go out for two weeks, again, get cleared out, come back for two weeks, and party my ass off. Because that's all I wanted to do. Have a good time. Don't want to hurt anyone, just want to have a good time. You know, good time Charlie eventually gets the flu, right? And it was probably my, I don't know, 10th or 12th arrest for either drugs or alcohol. And they were all DUIs, public intoxication, you know, fighting, stuff like that. And I remember waking up in the jail again. And of course, back in the day, Gulf Shores was kind of like Mayberry. They had a little concrete block jail, two little cells, and they had the key hanging out. You know, you'd reach out and get yourself out in the morning.
So, there were really no consequences to what's going on in your life and what you're doing. And so, I remember waking up there one day and going, yeah, this has got to stop. This has got to stop. So, I decided that I'm dealing a little cocaine on the side too because, you know, I'm blowing all my money at the bars too quick. And in order to keep things going, I need to sell more cocaine. And I decided that, you know, I really don't need to go back to work because I still have some cocaine to sell. So, I should probably just become a full-time drug dealer, you know, without the hassle of having to go to work. That did not work. There was about a two-year period where I did this. And the whole time, I'm just going down harder and harder and harder.
[00:25:07]
And I run into some people, and they had been doing some smuggling. And I'm like, at one point during my shrimping, I spent an entire winter in Key West. And I stayed there the entire winter on the boat. Everyone else came back to Alabama. And I just thought that was the best experience of my life. And that was the absolute way I wanted to live my life. And if I could get back to Key West and be a drug smuggler and live the life that Jimmy Buffett was singing about, he was my life coach, right? If I could do that, I mean, what on earth else could I possibly want out of life? So, I had the opportunity. This is after I decided, well, work is just interfering with fun. And so, these people who I, you know, I looked up to them because they had all kinds of drugs, they had all kinds of liquor, and they had all kinds of cash. And I'm like, these people are just the best ever. So, I go to Destin, and I pick up a boat that had just delivered a bunch of pot. Because, you know, you don't want to deal with cocaine on a boat. You know, that's that's, that's dangerous stuff, you know, just do pot. You know, pot was starting to get more expensive again, you know, it was like, oh, you can actually make money. So, I pick up the boat, and I take it around to Fort Lauderdale. And this is more or less my job interview.
And so, I get it there, and I start to show them who I really am. And I get so wasted, and so drunk, and so obnoxious. And again, one of those times where you wake up in the morning and go, what the hell happened last night? But these guys said, yeah, there's no way you're doing this for us. And they sent me back. And I'm like, oh, at least they sent me back. You know, they could have kept me there somewhere else I didn't want to be. But I'm like, you know, I failed my one job that I really wanted in my life, have a good time for the rest of my life, have drugs, alcohol, money, and this is going to be awesome.
And I failed my test, my job interview. They just said, yeah, you are not what we want. So, I get back here to Gulf Shores, get another DUI. And it's like, and then I decided, okay, I got to find some something to do. So, I went back to my old company, got my old job back. But I had to start at the bottom. I could not be a captain anymore, mainly because I'd let my license expire. Still had a Siemens document, so I could still at least be a deckhand. And so, I was at the bottom again. So, I'm like, okay.
But it was court day for my DUI. And I was hanging at a friend's house. I lived right next door to Tacky Jack's in Orange Beach. So, it was a great place. And I'm supposed to go to court and I'm feeling a little anxious, a little nervous. So, I start hitting the fifth. And for some reason, I put the top back on and stuck it back under the sink. And I'd pace around. I'm a little nervous. Take another one. Kept doing that until it was time to go to court. So, I get there and I'm hammered. And because small town Mayberry still at that time. Luckily, I knew this DA. He said, Monty, have you been drinking? A little. He's like, get out of here. What are you doing? Again, my mother, all I could hear is, what the fuck is wrong with you? And so, I'm like, So I'm like, what?
[00:30:00]
So I go back, he tells me to come back next week, courts again next Tuesday. So I go back the next week, didn't drink any before then, I get there, the judge is, he's looking at it and looking at my stuff again and he's like, Monty, you gotta do something about your drinking, or you're gonna have to go away for a long time. And I looked at him, I said, how long? Now I saw those words leaving my mouth and going towards his ear, and I said, that was the dumbest thing you have ever said in your life, a moment of clarity.
And so he just kind of looked at me and went, what? And there was a woman from Bradford Rehab sitting down at the end of the dais where the court, and he goes, go talk to that woman. So I go down there, and next thing I know, I'm going up to Prattville, Alabama to Bradford facility, and there I get introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. Now the thing about that was, oh, all right, I got a reprieve here, right?
28 days, I get there and I, it was so bizarre. It was just, I was like, my God, what have I, I think I probably would have rather gone to jail for a little bit. I mean, I've done that before. And the thing was, I learned a lot. They were very, very good. And something they said every day is, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work your program. They said that all the time. And so we're getting through there, and we're in our third week, and the, we're like the upperclassmen now, right?
And in Selma, they were having a jubilee like this. And so they let us go. They took like eight of us. And we're there, and, you know, we're all just sitting there like the, you know, getting off the short bus and going, you know, in our little crowd, standing there. And I see a guy with a name tag that says Gulf Shores, Alabama on it. Said Steve A., Gulf Shores, Alabama. So I go up to him, I'm like, hey, you're from Gulf Shores?
He's like, yes. Do we have, do we have AA meetings in Gulf Shores? I knew we did, because a friend of mine went to one one time, and I asked him, what was that all about? He goes, well, they read from this big book. All I could picture in my mind was this big book that some guy would get up here and read off of. He goes, yeah. And I said, oh, will you be my sponsor? They told me I need a sponsor. He goes, yeah.
When do you get out? So I told him, it's a couple of weeks. He goes, here's the meeting, here's my number. When you get out, I'll meet you at that meeting. So I'm like, okay. So I get there, our Lady of the Gulf Catholic Church, there used to be a little temporary building that they had there, like a shed, where we had our meetings. I walked in there for the first time and got this little schedule from them, and I haven't had a drink since.
And I did not come to AA to quit drinking. I came to AA to get out of trouble again. And I jokingly say this, but it's very true. When I went to that first meeting outside of the treatment center, I walked in there and I'm like, if this isn't bottom, I don't know what is. I mean, because look at all these losers, you know. I'm still hip, slick, and cool trying to escape my way through this and not have to do anything and not pay any consequences, not take responsibility for anything.
I just wanted to, you know, kind of skate through and be lazy and like I'd always been.
[00:35:01]
But these people there, there was something about them that was so, I want to say delightful. I mean, they had, we talk about in the big book how, you know, this is great news for someone who's an alcoholic. We have great news for you. And these people weren't moaning and pissing and whining. They were like, they were happy. They had good news for me. And their good news was, you never have to drink again.
I'm like, but I don't want to not have to, and they said, that's okay. And they just said, and Steve A. showed up and he said, you know, well, let's talk, you know, can you read? I'm like, yeah, I got through that and, you know, sixth grade and then, well, we'll try to read this big book a little bit. And so, we started doing that kind of stuff and then we talked before the meeting and after the meeting.
Now, like I was saying, I was very, very fortunate in that I was still working offshore. So I'd go out for two weeks, I'd take my big book and my other stuff and I'd go out and I'd read. And when I'd come back, go to meetings every single day and I'd talk to the, I'd go to the meeting before, go to the meeting, go to the meeting after, then I'd go to have coffee at the Waffle House or whatever, wherever we went.
So I got immersed in it and I was very, very fortunate that the people took the time to do that because that's where we did all our talk of philosophy, our talk of spiritual versus religious, our talk of, you know, you're so full of shit, you know? And so, I just loved that these people were taking the time to explain things to me that I had absolutely no idea about and explained things and showed me things in the big book.
And so, quickly, I want to say, so I'm in the program six, I came to my very first one of these in 1989, five months of writing and I remember coming to it and I'm like, holy cow, how did these, this was at the Convention Center in Gulf Shores when it used to be there. And I'm like, there's like 800 alcoholics here all weekend long and there wasn't one fight. I'm like, this is amazing, how do they, I'm like, I guess we can change, I guess we aren't all like that.
But so, I wanted a quick little story, so I'm in the program, working the steps, I got a sponsor, I got a grand sponsor because my sponsor had a sponsor. They told me, get a sponsor, make sure your sponsor has a sponsor, make sure they're working the program. I'm like, I don't even know what the program is, okay, right? You know, what I read in the book, it said, being convinced. I wasn't convinced of anything, they said, that's okay, let's just keep, let's just keep doing this.
You will, we have a good friend who used to come here, a snowbird named Helen, she would always say, do the work, you will be contacted, all right? So, you know, you hear things like that, and you're like, okay, I'll do it, I don't know why, I don't want to do it, do it anyway. And so, I had like four months, and I kept telling myself, well, I'll never get a driver's license, I hadn't had one in 10 years, you know, I can't get one.
And of course, the wisdom of the people, what have you asked? Well, no, of course not. That's like, you know, call someone? Oh, of course, I'm not going to call someone. Again, you know, I just did not know. Most of our problems come from lack of asking, you know, I need help.
[00:40:02]
Can you help me? And so, they said, we'll call them, see what you got to do. And they told me what I had to do, I'm like, that's all? You know, because I'd get pulled over, and they wouldn't even ask for a license, I just stick my arms out like this, I don't have a license. But so, I got my license back. I'm like, wow, I'm four months over, and now I got a license again? And then they said, well, you got to get insurance too, like, oh, I'll never get insurance.
I'm like, did you ask? Well, no, I just know, again, I know every damn thing, smartest person in the room. I find that's pretty much the case with all of us. So the people would just say, well, call, why don't you ask? I'm like, okay, and they said, yeah, you got to get SR-22, I'm like, okay, what's that? And so, I get it. So, I get this, I get my license back, and then I'm like, okay, I'm starting to be a citizen again, starting to be a person again, and so I'm like, I need my Coast Guard license back again.
So, I go to the Coast Guard, and I go, here's my application, I'd love to get my license back. I want to upgrade my license, move on to bigger, better things. So, this time, when I look at the application, it says, have you ever been arrested? Yes, I'm being honest. Have you ever been addicted to? I don't know if addicted, but yeah, I use them. So, I put them down, throw it up there on my stack of applications, and they come out, and they go, Mr. Morgan, can you come back here?
So, I'm like, sure, thinking I'm going back, do my paperwork, and they go, can we see, you get a Z card, they called it back in the day, but it's your Merger Mariner document, and that lets you work on ships. They go, can we have your document? I go, yeah, and they go, well, we're going to take this, and yeah, you're just going to have to go away. Do you have another career path you'd like to go down?
And I'm like, what? They go, yeah, you've answered, you know, you said yes, yes, on these things. You can't, you know, a license is a privilege, it's not a right. I'm like, oh, man, what am I going to do? I was being honest. You know, once in a while, you may be honest, and so I was being honest, and I'm like, this is bullshit. I'm like, and they say, well, come back tomorrow, we'll talk about it again, you know, oh, talk, never thought of that.
So I go down, I'm on Canal Street, looking down at Bourbon Street, four months in, and so I call my sponsor, I go, man, this honesty is for the birds. I mean, I could have been in and out of here already. He's like, what? And I tell him, he's like, there's a meeting close by there, I'm sure, go to a meeting and go see what they have to say in the morning. Okay, like, so next morning, I go in and they go, well, Mr. Morgan, this stack of applications right here are the people who did not tell the truth, and we know it.
They don't get a second chance. This little stack over here are people who said, told the truth, and you get a second chance. I'm like, okay, what do I got to do? Ask, right? Just ask for help. Ask someone, what do I do? I don't know what to do. That's what they taught me here. You know, one of the three things we learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, right, three things we learned to say, I was wrong, I need help, anonymity, right?
So they tell me all the things I got to do, you know, you need more character reference. that's gonna be tough, but all these things I needed to do, and they'd ask me questions
[00:45:00]
about all the things I'd done, and I was honest, and they were kind of floored by that, and I'm like, well they told me in this program I'm in, you know, that I need to be honest about everything, and not be afraid of my past, and not regret it, and a bunch of bullshit, and, you know, but, they said, tell you what, here's your semen card back, you can still work, you can still have this career, you do these things, and then you can get your license back, and I'm like, wow, really, so I come home and I'm like, this is awesome, this is honesty stuff, this is, I mean, this is working out, and I'm feeling pretty good, and so, the amazing thing about that was, I trusted what the people told me, because I didn't trust anything, because my good friend Tinsley always says, her sponsor told her that, you know, when she said, I'm not, I don't trust people, she was like, well, you're not trustworthy, why would you trust people, right, and all of a sudden, I'm trusting people that I don't know, because they're telling me that it worked for them, I'm like, awesome, okay, I'll try it, again, it was just a matter of ask, you know, like, how did you do that, they will tell you, and that's what this program has meant to me, it was just a matter of getting the courage to say, I don't know, can you help me, it was amazing what just those two little things can do for someone who has absolutely no clue, right, I mean, and then we're like, restless, irritable, and discontent, frustrated, because we're not to where we want to be yet, and they told me the whole idea of Alcoholics Anonymous is to be comfortable in that frustration of not knowing, you know, because we have to, we don't have to have all the answers, and we never will have all the answers, or figure it out, there's nothing to figure out, right, I used to always do that kind of stuff, but, so, I just want to, anyone here who's new, or hasn't been around long, just remember, you never have to drink again, because this program will work, even if you don't think it'll work, even if you don't want it to work, if you do the work, it will happen, that was a promise they made to me when I got here, because, like I said, I didn't come here to quit drinking, I came here to get out of trouble, and I got so much more for it than just not drinking, and there is so much more to be had than just not drinking, but, just not drinking is the most important thing we do, right, so, that's all I have, thank you.