A p r i l 1963

dispensability of humility – ideas which had never crossed my professional horizon and had certainly never influenced my non-professional thinking or attitudes. Revolutionary as they were, they nevertheless made sense and I found myself embarked on a tour of discovery. I began to recognize more clearly what “hitting bottom” really What Does “Surrender” Mean? ‘ implied and I began to do what I by Harry M. Tiebout, M.D. could to induce the experience in and needed help. If he did not surpatients – always wondering what render, a thousand crises could hit was happening inside the individual him and nothing would happen. The as he went through the crisis of hit- need to induce surrender became the One of AA’s first friends in psychiatry ting bottom. Finally fortune smiled new therapeutic goal. on me again, this time from a patient. The miracle of AA was now a little points out “the road beyond the miracle” For some period she had been clearer. For reasons still obscure, the under my new brand of psychother- program and the fellowship of AA apy designed to promote hitting bot- could cause a surrender which in turn tom. For reasons completely un- would lead to a period of no drink- M Y first two or three years of contact with AA were the most exciting in my whole professional life. authentic clue after many years of fruitless effort. Needless to say, the possibilities ahead were most inknown, she experienced a mild but typical conversion which brought her into a positive state of mind. Led by ing. As might be expected, I, too, had AA was then in its miracle phase; a thrill all my own. I was getting in triguing. Perhaps I could learn how the newly-found spiritual elements, everything that happened seemed on what was happening, always an AA worked and thus could learn weak though they were, she started strange, wonderful, out of this world. enjoyable experience. something about how people stopped attending various churches in town. Hopeless drunks were being lifted out Still questing eagerly, I shifted my drinking. One Monday morning she entered of the gutter. Individuals who had therapeutic attack. The job now was My future was now clear: I would my office, her eyes ablaze, and at sought every known means of help, to induce surrender. When I tried to try to discover what made AA tick. once commenced talking. “I know without success, were responding to cause that I ran into a whole nest of In this quest for understanding, I what happened to me. I heard it in this new approach. To be close to any resistances to the idea, totally new would never have gotten beyond first church yesterday. I surrendered.” such group even by proxy was in territory to be explored. As I conbase if it had not been for Bill W. itself most electrifying. With that word “surrender” she tinued my tour, it became ever more and many of the early members. A I n addition, professionally, a handed me my first real awareness of apparent that in everyone’s psyche study of the Twelve Steps helped a whole new avenue to the problem of what occurred during the period of there existed an unconquerable ego little, but of far greater importance alcoholism had opened up. Some- hitting bottom. The individual was which bitterly opposed any thought were the many insights already poswhere in the AA experience was the fighting an admission of being licked, of defeat. Until that ego was somesessed by Bill and the others in the key to sobriety. Here was the first of admitting he was powerless. If and how reduced or rendered ineffective, process through which AA brought about its results. I heard of the need when he surrendered, he quit fight- no likelihood of surrender could be +The Grapevine editors asked Dr. Tiebout to “hit bottom,” of the necessity for ing, could admit he was licked and anticipated. if he would update a talk he gave in 1955. could accept that he was powerless The shifts in emphasis from hitting This article is the result. accepting a Higher Power, of the in-

bottom to surrender to ego reduction all occurred during the first five or six years after my initial contact with AA. I well remember the first AA “We have to become members of the human race.. . 99

meeting to which I spoke on the subject of ego reduction. AA, still very much in its infancy, was celebrating upon this problem of ego reduction. two other indicators of trouble. In ing ahead and that it operates on the a third or fourth anniversary of one How far I have been able to explore unconscious assumption that it, the of the groups. The speaker immedi- both, open-mindedness is notably that territory is not at all certain. I absent. ego, should not be stopped. It takes ately preceding me told in detail of have, however, made a little progress for granted its right to go ahead and the efforts of his local group–which Perhaps the commonest manifesand I shall try first to acquaint you tation of the return of the ego is wit- in this respect has no expectation of consisted of two men-to get him to with some of my findings, and sec- being stopped and no capacity to addry up and become its third member. nessed in the individual who falls ond, to relate them to the AA scene from his pink cloud, a state of mind just to that eventuality. Stopping says After several months of vain efforts as I see it. in effect, “no, you can’t continue,” on their part and repeated nose-dives familiar to you all. This blissful state As I have already stated, the fact is a logical aftermath of surrender. which is the essence of disciplinary on his, the speaker went on to say: that hitting bottom could produce a control. The individual who cannot “Finally I got cut down to size and The ego, which has been full of strivsurrender which cut the ego to size ing, just quits and the individual take a stopping is fundamentally an have been sober ever since,” a matter was evident, fairly soon. In time, two undisciplined person. of some two or three years. senses peace and quiet within. The additional facts manifested them- result is an enormous feeling of re- The function of surrender in AA When my turn came to speak, I selves. The second of these two was lease and the person flies right up to is now clear. It produces that stopused his phrase, “cut down to size,” that surrender is essentially a disci- his pink cloud, and thinks he has ping by causing the individual to say, as a text around which to weave my plinary experience. found Heaven on earth. Everyone “I quit, I give up my headstrong remarks. Before long, out of the The first is merely repeating a fact knows he will come down sometime ways. I’ve learned my lesson.” Very comer of my eye, I became conscious known to you all. It is common but it is perhaps not equally clear often for the first time in that indiof a disconcerting stare. It was com- knowledge that a return of the full- that it is ego slowly making its come- vidual’s adult career, he has encouning from the previous speaker. Look- fledged ego can happen at any time. back which forces the descent from tered the necessary discipline which ing a little more directly, I could see Years of sobriety are no insurance halts him in his headlong pace. the pink cloud into the arena of life his eyes fixed on me in open-eyed against its resurgence. No AA, re- Actually he is lucky to have within where, with the help of AA, he can wonder. I t was perfectly clear that gardless of his veteran status, can him the capacity to surrender. It is learn how to become a sober person . h e was utterly amazed that he had ever relax his guard against a reviv- and not an angel. that which differentiates him from said anything which made sense to a ing ego. the wild animals. They may be cowed I could go on with many more expsychiatrist. Recently one AA, writing to an- but are never really tamed. They amples familiar to you all to show The incident showed that two other, reported he was suffering, he you the danger of ever assuming the never develop a love for the power people, one approaching the matter feared, from “halotosis,” an obvious ego is dead and buried. Its capacity of their master which we humans can clinically and the other relying on his reference to the smugness and self- for rebirth is utterly astounding and for the Master who rules us all. And own intuitive report of what had hap- complacency which so easily can must never be forgotten. this happens because we can surpened to him, both came up with ex- creep into the individual with years My second finding-that sur- render and truly feel, “Thy Will, not actly the same observation: the need of sobriety behind him. The assump- render is a disciplinary experience- mine, be done.” When that is true, for ego reduction. tion that one has all the answers-or requires explanation. In recent ar- we have become in fact “obedient During the past decade, my own the contrary, that one needs to know servants of God.” The spiritual life ticles, I have shown that the ego endeavors have centered primarily no answers and just follow AA-are basically must be continuously forg- at that point is a reality. We have be-

come members of the human race. period of disillusionment and, fortu- Unfortunately that ego will return nately for me, I came out with a faith unless the individual learns to accept far stronger than anything a pink a disciplined way of life which means cloud can supply. Mind you, I’m not the tendency for ego comeback is selling miracles short; they do loosen permanently checked. the individual up. I now know, how- This is not news to AA members. ever, that truth of the Biblical saying, They have learned that a single sur- “By their works ye shall know them.” render is not enough. Under the wise Only through hard toil and labor can leadership of the “founding fathers,” lasting results be obtained. the need for continued endeavor to As a consequence of the need for maintain that miracle has been stead- work to supplement any miracle, my ily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge interest in the non-miracle features repeated inventories, not just once, has grown. I can accept more truly and the Twelfth Step is in itself a the necessity of organization, of routine reminder that one must work structure which curbs as well as at preserving sobriety. Moreover, it guides. 1 believe there must be meetis referred to as Twelfth Step work- ings to provide the sense of belongwhich is exactly what it is. By that ing to a big working organization of time, the miracle is for the other which each individual is but a part. fellow. And I believe that any group or indi- The Twelve Traditions are also vidual who fails to participate in the part of the non-miracle aspect of AA. enterprises of the organization is They represent, as Bill W. has said, rendering himself and his group a the lessons of experience. They serve disservice by not submitting to the as guides for the inexperienced; in disciplinary values inherent in those reality they check the ways of the activities. He may be keeping his ego innocent and unwary. free of entanglements but he is also My stress on the non-miracle ele- keeping it unstopped. His chances of ments of AA has a purpose. When I remaining sober are not of a high made my first acquaintance with AA, order. He is really going it alone and I rode the pink cloud with most of its is headed for another miracle which members. I, too, went through a may not come off next time.