J a n u a r y 1955

basic ingredients, then the mechan- know the heaven that follows this ics, and finally the places where the particular hell. going is roughest. The following is Before going further, I want to based entirely on my own experience explain that as a nonalcoholic 1 and observations on the receiving have taken this Step myself, and I end of the Fifth Step and is in- recommend it heartily for those who tended as a possible guide for those are not in AA. I have experienced seeking suggestions on how to go the soul struggle that it requires. I about taking the Fifth Step. know the humiliation that accompanies it. I also know the deep peace Three Basic Ingredients that follows in its wake. 1. Belief in a forgiving God. Read 3. Take the Fourth Step: “Made a The Big Hump the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 15, searching and fearless moral inven- Verses 1 l to 24. Let it sink deep into tory of ourselves.” This Step is a by Dr. Charlie Shedd your heart until you are convinced basic preliminary, and may be even that God will forgive anything; that rougher than Step Five. 1)r. Churlie Sheclrl wus one 0f rhe He is like a father who goes out each wrly t~orrul~~ot~oli~~ und] r ~ ~ ~ t r ( l s wrongs.” Right here, some folks night to the end of the.road looking Three Suggestions udvocures o / ‘ A A . A c~lergyttrun,he give up. for a boy to come home. When the 1. Delermine to make it thorough. wus n~ellknown us a coltimnisr. I must have a “Fifth Step face.” rudio .speuker, and uurhor o j boy comes, there will be no “1 told We had two rooms in the old farmhe.$/-sellinghooks. As a counselor, 1 have often been you SO” or “It’s about time.” There house that were never heated in asked to be the other human being will be only rejoicing because you winter. Most of us have a section

I N ONE 01: our Western states, there is a mountain that is not often climbed. Any old veteran of parts referred to in this Step. And my datebook with its broken engagements is mute testimony that it is easy to aphave come. No matter where you like that. Maybe it’s only a closet have been or what you have done, where we locked the door and threw from out of “riotous living” or from the key away. But the monoxide thereabouts will give this reason: proach this part of the mountain and feeding with the swine, your Heav- fumes seep under the sill and poison “The first part goes easy. But about then turn back. enly Father loves you and wants you our whole lives. Until you want to one third of the way up, most of ’em In my work as a minister, I have home. find all the keys and open a!l the turn around and come back. There’s seen good Fifth Steps and bad ones; In my opinion, this concept of a locked chambers, you’re not ready. sheer walls and jagged rocks, deep long Fifth Steps and short ones; forgiving God is needed for a thor- Decide that you will make it comcrevices and poor footing. Right Fifth Steps scribbled on brown wrap- ough Fifth Step. plete. there, most folks quit. Odd thing, ping paper and those neatly typed 2. One must want to take it. Just 2. Take plenty of time. One day, too. When you’ve passed that big with a secretary’s perfection. In as deciding one is powerless over al- an enthusiastic new member of AA hump, you’ve got it made. The rest listening to men and women, young cohol is necessary in taking the First came rushing into my study and is a climb, all right, but the worst and old, some long in AA and some Step, one must be personally ready said, “I’ve just got twenty minutes is over.” who tackled this part of the moun- for Step Five. Do not take it because before I’m due back to work. I’d like The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics tain before they were ready, 1 have someone urges you. You must want to take my Fifth Step.” I did what Anonymous are like that mountain. noticed that there were always some it with a passion. Only that kind of you would have done. I explained There’s a big hump on the way up things in common among those who desire will enable you to endure the that he had been twenty years get- -Step Five: “We admitted to God, were successful. anguish that goes with it. Only when ting into this and twenty minutes to ourselves, and to another human What are the secrets of a good you want it badly enough will you wasn’t adequate. It may take six being the exact nature of our Fifth Step? Let us take a look at the

J weeks, six months, or longer-take helps you to organize your problem 1 your time. and attach your troubles to particu- you would be killed? Your insecurity or a real sex sin in their background. 3. Write it out. Word for word, lar incidents. Suppose, for instance, may date back to a distant day when With alcoholics-in my experience, page for page, sentence after hor- you worry a lot about money. Maybe you suddenly thought all your world let me stress-it’s one hundred perrible sentence, put it all down. Ex- just seeing in black and white the was falling apart. cent. I have never participated in the perience has taught me that the best fact that you never had enough as a Write it out in great detail. The Fifth Step with anyone who didn’t Fifth Steps are written down, and child will help you to realize that mere transfer from your harried soul have some moral misdemeanors to many of us who are sought out by you’re worrying about something in to the paper will do you more good relate. AAs as counselors make it a rule to the past and not the present. (f) You than you can imagine beforehand. You may attempt to laugh it off wait until the member has done this. can burn your paper or give it to 3. Disappointment. This is close kin and treat it lightly. But we are all I once participated in this Step with your counselor for disposal. Thus, to shock. Did you want something moral creatures, and there is somea woman who had forty-seven pages, you feel that you get rid of your past with all your heart, and then not thing sacred in us, which, when single-spaced, on both sides of the and all the things that have been get it? Was somebody else elected tampered with, comes back one day paper. It is no coincidence, it seems disturbing you. captain of the team or president of to beat a haunting tattoo on the to me, that she is today one of the the class? Did somebody else get deep-toned drums of the soul. someone you longed to make yours? This may be the hardest thing you most radiant women in our com- Six Sources of Trouble munity. She got rid of all the block- Perhaps this is the place where ever did: Write it down. Don’t be Many people suppose that only ages between herself and God. you decided the universe wasn’t afraid. God, having created us, those things they did wrong should friendly and God loved somebody knows our frailty. He gave us our Here are some reasons why the enter into Fourth and Fifth Steps. else more than you. Maybe those I- instincts. I t would be against His best results are obtained when it is This is a mistake, it seems to me, feel-sorry-for-me hours go back to very nature to equip us with driving written down: since myriad other factors go to make us what we are. Here are some this experience, or others like it. impulses and not forgive when we (a) More permanent effects. In general areas where you might find 4. Hatred, resentment, grudge. Make have used them wrongly. my experience, those who take the your number one inner enemy. a list of those who have done you Your counselor will help you Fifth Step this way have not had a slip again. (b) It can be added to. 1. Your early home lve. Did you wrong and how you feel about them. here, and you will help yourself if love your parents, and did they love Add to the list those whom you do you list them, one-two-three. Double- or triple-space it. As you recall one old memory, another will you? (Is it only coincidence that a not like, and why. Both religion and 6. Selfshness. Are you number one large percentage of the alcoholics I psychology stand by the view that on your agenda? Oddly enough, it raise its head to shake its gory locks and say, “Boo! Remember me?” have known are crosswise with one you can’t have the love of God flow- may be two opposite ends of the This can be written between the or the other of their parents?) Were ing into your heart until the pipes same pole that made you that way. lines. (c) It can be read out loud with you rejected? Spoiled? Sheltered? from you to others have been cleared You may have had too much when the person whom you have chosen. Shoved out on your own too soon? of rust and rubbish. No one has you were little. Thus, you naturally Do you carry ill will toward a broth- ever proved the opposite. thought that life was designed to This sates time for both of you. More important, it makes your story er or sister? Were you laughed at? 5. Guilt complex. Did you steal please you. And when you fared orderly and not a hodgepodge. And Unduly punished? something back there in the long- forth on your own, you discovered most important, you actually feel Put it all down in black and white. gone years? Did you cheat in class? that you were somebody special at that you are getting it out of your Your counselor will help you put the Did you hurt someone? home but just another struggler to system. (d) It helps you to see in black pieces together. How about sex? Among nonalco- everyone else. This made you bitter. and white what’s troubling you. The 2. Shock. Did you have a bad scare holic~1 meet in my work as counsel- You set out to please you, and that voice cannot be seen, but the written at a tender age? Do you recall vivid- or, 1 find that at least seventy-five always leads to bitterness. word can be clearly viewed. (e) It ly some incident where you were sure percent of those who suffer from a Or maybe you didn’t have the guilt complex have either an imagined things that all the other kids ac-

cepted as commonplace. Therefore, time and ask him to save you plenty you decided that one day you would of time in his schedule. put yourself in a spot where you Select a listener you can trust. could really be nice to you. Thus, Maybe it’s your doctor, your priest, without realizing it, you became your minister. Possibly it’s a prorniselfish. nent businessman or someone no- Life is for service, not self-service, body notices. It may be a person in a and when you see yourself on paper, distant city whom you will never see you may discover a big flaw in your again. Maybe it’s just a good friend. thinking. But whoever it is, believe in him There are many other areas of completely. Have confidence that he your background that will be reveal- can help you put the pieces together. ing. Time and space will not permit You should also believe that he has listing them all. I have suggested a enough of the love of God in his few of those most common. Take heart to share some of it with you. your time; be honest; write it all It also helps if your counselor has down in great detail. been over this part of the rocky pass When you have completed your ahead of you, although there are inventory, make a date with the per- exceptions to this generalization. son you have chosen, and have it Good climbing! It’s a tough rnounover as soon as possible. It’s a good tain, but the view from the top is idea to call this person well ahead of worth it, once you get by the hump.