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cided to give this Earth another noon the McGizzick Theory did not George Ade was “one o f the sharpest and most realistic Trial. Accordingly he ordered up have a Leg to stand on. commentators we have ever produced,” says Jean Shepherd, ‘as many Ham and Eggs as could be At Dinner Time he keyed up on who edited The America of George Ade. This piece forced on one Platter and two Aqua Fortis and Bitters, which en- (reprinted by permission of G . P. Putnam’s Sons, publishers) Stacks of Buckwheat Cakes, and he abled him to take Nine Courses, was written around 1900-before Prohibition kept on until he had extinguished with Red, White and Blue Irrigators and before AA, but not before Eating, Drinking, and the the Cocktails. to keep him Encouraged, and then. Eflects Thereof were invented. At an Early Age the Rounder four California Grapes for Dessert. had read in McGizzick’s Physiology By this Time, McGizzick, Author that the Capacity of the Human of the School Physiology, was a Stomach is Three Pints. His Object Liar by the Watch. in Life was to prove that McGizzick In the Evening the Rounder went was away Off and must have got to a Show. Between Acts he saun- By George Ade hold of a Youth’s Size. tered out with a few Western Gen- After the Rounder had smothered tlemen and seeped up frequent High The P ROMPTLY at 7:30 the Alarm Clock went off. The Rounder sat on the Edge of his Bed and the Cocktails under 80 Cents’ worth of Plain Food, he started for his Balls, accompanied by a little Snack of Oyster Crackers, the embalmed wondered if there was Anything in Office, where he met a Drummer, Herring known as the Blind Robin, Fable it. His Tongue felt like a Rug. He who took him out to talk Business. Water Cress and Anchovies. After was afraid to work his Face for They opened two or three Cold the show they dropped in for their fear it would Crack. Bots and ate a few hillocks of Cot- Broiled Lobster, Combination Salad, of the He took a Cold Plunge, rubbed tage Cheese, Souse, Dill Pickles, Welsh Rabbit and Nineteen Rounds some Pepper Sauce in his Hair, Radishes, Blutwurst and Rye Bread of something to take. At a late Hour with Caraway in it, because they the Man who had demonstrated Day’s Work drank a Quart of Hot Water, gargled a Patent Preparation war- were Free. Then the Rounder ex- that McGizzick was an Ignoramus ranted to kill the Maroon Taste, cused himself because he had a went to his Brass Bedstead and and the and by that Time he was able to Date for Luncheon. This ight Re- lapsed into a State of Coma. look at his Watch and realize that $ past consisted of Blue oints, Gumbo Soup, Fried Spring Chick- Next morning his Room was Morning nobody in the whole World truly twisted. Someone had put a Bed of Loved him. He did not seem to en, Baked Potatoes, Cheese and Live Coals under the Sheet. He felt have any keen Craving for Break- other Food for the Gods floated to as if he had swallowed a Steam After fast, so he drank two large ruby-red its Destination in a mixture of Ale Radiator and someone had gone Cocktails, smelling like Furniture and Stout, sometimes known as down to repair it. He had a case of Polish, just as an Appetizer. After Liquid Buckshot. In the Afternoon Bust-Head and a dry crackly Thirst. he got them placed he sat at the our Hero went to his Club and He sent for a Physician, and when Window for a while, watching the played Pool, and whoever had it the Learned Man came to make his Landscape straighten itself out. He put on him had to buy what made Diagnosis, the Rounder said: “Doc, remembered that he had two or Milwaukee famous for the Others. it’s my own Fault. I ate some three Friends, after all, so he de- Along in the Middle of the After- Grapes last Night.” Moral :Avoid Fruit.