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[00:00:00.700 – 00:00:11.600] We’ve got a lot of goodies on this program, as you know, and, uh, our formal AA meeting for Sunday has

[00:00:11.600 – 00:00:12.600] already started.

[00:00:12.600 – 00:00:21.400] Uh, but we will now hear again from the founder of our great organization, Bill Wilson.

[00:00:21.400 – 00:00:31.400] Good

[00:00:31.400 – 00:00:32.500] morning, dear people.

[00:00:32.500 – 00:00:34.200] Good morning.

[00:00:34.200 – 00:00:45.200] In the middle of the 19th century, a

[00:00:45.200 – 00:00:55.700] new means of communication burst upon the world to set in motion a train of events

[00:00:55.700 – 00:01:01.400] of consequences that even now cannot be reckoned.

[00:01:01.400 – 00:01:04.800] This was the telegraph.

[00:01:04.800 – 00:01:16.500] It is a matter of great significance, and meaning at least to us, that

[00:01:16.500 – 00:01:26.500] the first words said over the first wire between Washington and Baltimore were these, and they apparently

[00:01:26.500 – 00:01:30.600] characterized the inventor.

[00:01:30.600 – 00:01:44.000] The words were, “What hath God wrought?” So

[00:01:44.000 – 00:01:57.600] today, over a retrospect of thirty years, we

[00:01:57.600 – 00:02:07.700] are watching the building of a new means of communication, characterized

[00:02:07.700 – 00:02:17.700] not by material things, but a new way of speaking

[00:02:17.700 – 00:02:23.500] the language of the heart, one to another.

[00:02:23.500 – 00:02:34.100] And this language is a varied language, and we have

[00:02:34.100 – 00:02:39.400] participated in one of its magnificent variations.

[00:02:39.400 – 00:02:51.400] In this meeting, having in it these components of science and

[00:02:51.400 – 00:03:01.600] of the spirit, the only synthesis of any great promise to the world of our time.

[00:03:01.600 – 00:03:11.700] To have been part of this, I wish to renew

[00:03:11.700 – 00:03:13.500] the thanks of Lois and myself.

[00:03:13.500 – 00:03:15.800] Indeed, may I speak for all of you?

[00:03:15.800 – 00:03:26.700] In thanks to each of you and to God for these precious hours now

[00:03:26.700 – 00:03:28.900] drawing to a close.

[00:03:28.900 – 00:03:39.200] I would like to direct our special gratitude to Don

[00:03:39.200 – 00:03:48.800] and to Luke and to their coworkers, whose selfless efforts have made this occasion possible.

[00:03:48.800 – 00:03:58.800] I think to a wom- to a woman and to a man, we are

[00:03:58.800 – 00:04:08.900] remembering that Don made his demonstration in the face of adversity, the adversity

[00:04:08.900 – 00:04:10.700] of precarious health.

[00:04:10.700 – 00:04:20.700] A source of information or inspiration that will be with us

[00:04:20.700 – 00:04:21.200] always.

[00:04:21.200 – 00:04:29.000] Polly’s talk recalled other days.

[00:04:29.000 – 00:04:40.200] The spirit of dedication and of love that characterized that couple will

[00:04:40.200 – 00:04:50.400] live in this society, within the society forever, and its waves will

[00:04:50.400 – 00:04:57.200] lap on ever more distant shores.

[00:04:57.200 – 00:05:07.600] As we heard this last magnificent talk, I

[00:05:07.600 – 00:05:18.500] began to think of the embryo that was the beginning of AA, that

[00:05:18.500 – 00:05:25.000] preceded the birth into the new life.

[00:05:25.000 – 00:05:36.600] And each of us in this far-flung society were in that embryo, but

[00:05:36.600 – 00:05:39.400] it was a very unpromising womb.

[00:05:39.400 – 00:05:51.000] For until recent times, the only result could

[00:05:51.000 – 00:06:01.100] have been a stillbirth into deformity, deformity, lunacy, or stillborn into the grave.

[00:06:01.100 – 00:06:04.500] And in that we were.

[00:06:04.500 – 00:06:14.700] And for most of us, it was a very dark place, only

[00:06:14.700 – 00:06:25.500] illumined by the few who chose to stay with us until

[00:06:25.500 – 00:06:26.500] the end should come.

[00:06:26.500 – 00:06:31.500] Loss was my companion.

[00:06:31.500 – 00:06:43.900] And we searched for years to find the entrance through which we might merge into

[00:06:43.900 – 00:06:52.100] better things, and we had not found grace to make that discovery.

[00:06:52.100 – 00:07:02.200] And then it seemed to us, or

[00:07:02.200 – 00:07:12.800] it seems to us now, that providence was preparing a table, the

[00:07:12.800 – 00:07:18.900] one at, at which we have since so joyously feasted.

[00:07:18.900 – 00:07:30.600] And one by one, those who were to participate in

[00:07:30.600 – 00:07:40.600] the creation of this benign synthesis began to place candles upon that

[00:07:40.600 – 00:07:41.700] table.

[00:07:41.700 – 00:07:52.800] And though we knew it not, this was the beginning of

[00:07:52.800 – 00:07:59.200] a new means of communication each with the other.

[00:07:59.200 – 00:08:04.300] The language of the heart as spoken in AA.

[00:08:04.300 – 00:08:14.900] In a sense, I

[00:08:14.900 – 00:08:25.300] suppose our beginnings are infinite ages old because there has never been any age in

[00:08:25.300 – 00:08:33.300] which the impulse to reach for a higher power was absent since man became conscious.

[00:08:33.300 – 00:08:37.100] Then came the carpenter.

[00:08:37.100 – 00:08:45.900] And of course, we are in his tradition and teaching.

[00:08:45.900 – 00:08:56.000] But I would like to pinpoint, in terms of people, who the

[00:08:56.000 – 00:09:00.500] personal candle bearers were in the beginning.

[00:09:00.500 – 00:09:10.600] And I am happy to say, especially so since we have heard so much

[00:09:10.600 – 00:09:22.400] good-natured, and perhaps not so good-natured, derogation of psychiatrists, that this man happened to be a

[00:09:22.400 – 00:09:32.700] psychiatrist, and in the view of many, of whom I am one, one of the great figures of

[00:09:32.700 – 00:09:33.600] our generation.

[00:09:33.600 – 00:09:43.700] I speak of Carl Jung, one of the three founders of the modern

[00:09:43.700 – 00:09:46.900] art of depth psychology.

[00:09:46.900 – 00:09:58.700] He was distinguished from the other founders in that he felt, and

[00:09:58.700 – 00:10:10.400] I am sure knew in his inner heart, that man was something more than

[00:10:10.400 – 00:10:15.900] a modicum of intelligence often ill-used.

[00:10:15.900 – 00:10:24.800] He was something more than a bundle of instincts, something more than two dollars worth of chemicals.

[00:10:24.800 – 00:10:37.100] I am sure of this because I know people who have been in contact with him, and one of my chief regrets

[00:10:37.100 – 00:10:45.200] is that a correspondence that we had begun before his death had not been started years earlier.

[00:10:45.200 – 00:10:56.900] So a vision, if you will, a prominent American businessman who

[00:10:56.900 – 00:10:58.200] I shall call Rowland.

[00:10:58.200 – 00:11:02.200] Rowland was the typical case.

[00:11:02.200 – 00:11:10.100] He had exhausted every resource that he knew.

[00:11:10.100 – 00:11:19.600] So he came to Carl Jung, and they spent a year together.

[00:11:19.600 – 00:11:30.100] And Rowland became convinced that now so

[00:11:30.100 – 00:11:39.000] many of the hidden springs of his strange compulsions and motivations stood revealed that he would drink no more.

[00:11:39.000 – 00:11:48.800] Leaving the doctor, he was drunk within a month.

[00:11:48.800 – 00:11:54.200] To him, this was a ghastly experience.

[00:11:54.200 – 00:11:55.300] This was the end.

[00:11:55.300 – 00:11:58.000] And he came back to Dr.

[00:11:58.000 – 00:12:09.400] Carl and said, “Carl, you were my court of

[00:12:09.400 – 00:12:10.400] last resort.

[00:12:10.400 – 00:12:22.400] Is there anything else?” And this very kind old gentleman said, “Roland, I

[00:12:22.400 – 00:12:32.800] thought that you might have been one of those rare cases in which my art might

[00:12:32.800 – 00:12:34.900] help you to sobriety and better things.

[00:12:34.900 – 00:12:45.000] But now I know your case is that of such gravity and complication that my art will not

[00:12:45.000 – 00:12:55.100] unravel it.” And the patient took another dive toward deflation

[00:12:55.100 – 00:13:00.800] at depths, the basis on which our whole recovery rests.

[00:13:00.800 – 00:13:04.900] He hit bottom.

[00:13:04.900 – 00:13:16.700] But he persisted, “Doctor, is there no other recourse for me?” And

[00:13:16.700 – 00:13:26.800] the dear old gentleman said, “Roland, y- yes, there may be,

[00:13:26.800 – 00:13:29.500] but I must be frank with you.

[00:13:29.500 – 00:13:34.000] It doesn’t happen too often.

[00:13:34.000 – 00:13:44.000] I think you are a conversion experience.” “Oh, but I,” said

[00:13:44.000 – 00:13:47.900] Roland, “I used to be a vestryman in the church.

[00:13:47.900 – 00:13:59.300] My faith has still not left me, but this hasn’t worked.” Jung

[00:13:59.300 – 00:14:05.900] said, “I am talking about something that goes beyond faith.

[00:14:05.900 – 00:14:16.700] I am talking about a transforming experience in which the recipient, as

[00:14:16.700 – 00:14:27.000] a gift, appears to undergo a motivation change

[00:14:27.000 – 00:14:36.600] that cannot be accounted for by simple faith, by environment, by motivation, by association.

[00:14:36.600 – 00:14:46.600] These profound changes seem to transcend the sum of all of

[00:14:46.600 – 00:14:57.700] the ordinary resources that can be brought to bear.” “Now,” he said, “among alcoholics, as among other men of all time, these

[00:14:57.700 – 00:15:05.500] profoundly transforming experiences have occurred here and there.

[00:15:05.500 – 00:15:16.000] We cannot tell to whom or when the lightning of providence will

[00:15:16.000 – 00:15:16.700] flash.

[00:15:16.700 – 00:15:24.800] So I suggest that you immerse yourself in a religious atmosphere.

[00:15:24.800 – 00:15:27.900] Remember-“

[00:15:28.200 – 00:15:35.600] Your personal helplessness and pray for God’s will.

[00:15:35.600 – 00:15:46.200] So that is a word picture of

[00:15:46.200 – 00:15:54.000] the colloquy that took place between these two men about nineteen thirty-two.

[00:15:54.000 – 00:16:04.300] And this great and humble man had placed

[00:16:04.300 – 00:16:14.700] the first candle which was to illumine the table at which we

[00:16:14.700 – 00:16:15.200] supped.

[00:16:15.200 – 00:16:28.000] Rowland associated himself with the Oxford Groups then in Europe and

[00:16:28.000 – 00:16:34.600] practiced their principles, none of which was new.

[00:16:34.600 – 00:16:35.800] They had an emphasis.

[00:16:35.800 – 00:16:40.400] There was the idea of one person talking to the next.

[00:16:40.400 – 00:16:42.400] You know the rest of it.

[00:16:42.400 – 00:16:46.600] Our basics were abstracted from it.

[00:16:46.600 – 00:16:55.500] And unaccountably, Rowland seemed to be released.

[00:16:55.500 – 00:16:59.100] He hadn’t been educated out of drinking.

[00:16:59.100 – 00:17:04.000] He had been released from it.

[00:17:04.000 – 00:17:11.600] Then he came to America, where he fell under the spell of Dr.

[00:17:11.600 – 00:17:18.200] Sam Shoemaker, one of the founders of the Oxford Group at that old time.

[00:17:18.200 – 00:17:29.700] And Sam was then also rector at, uh, an

[00:17:29.700 – 00:17:34.000] Episcopal church that stood at Twenty-third Street, New York.

[00:17:34.000 – 00:17:44.100] And in the Oxford Group, there were a handful of drunks who had been released,

[00:17:44.100 – 00:17:55.300] most of them rather temporarily, but genuine released nevertheless by this sort of practice and

[00:17:55.300 – 00:17:56.000] attitude.

[00:17:56.000 – 00:18:01.700] And Rowland bethought himself of an old school friend of mine.

[00:18:01.700 – 00:18:12.000] This school friend is the one so affectionately known to us

[00:18:12.000 – 00:18:13.700] as Ebby.

[00:18:13.700 – 00:18:24.100] Now, I’ll pause here, having illustrated to you this stream of influence, beginning

[00:18:24.100 – 00:18:29.900] with Jung to the O.J., to Hazard.

[00:18:29.900 – 00:18:37.600] Now let’s come down there on the other tack and see what happened at the confluence.

[00:18:37.600 – 00:18:42.200] I’d gone the route.

[00:18:42.200 – 00:18:44.200] The story’s old to you.

[00:18:44.200 – 00:18:45.300] You’ve read it.

[00:18:45.300 – 00:18:49.800] I’ve told you a thousand times the story of my drinking.

[00:18:49.800 – 00:19:00.200] So I shall quickly bring myself to that day in nineteen thirty-four,

[00:19:00.200 – 00:19:08.300] midsummer, when another physician was speaking.

[00:19:08.300 – 00:19:11.800] Dear old Dr.

[00:19:11.800 – 00:19:21.800] Silkworth, who certainly will be known in our annals as a medical saint for

[00:19:21.800 – 00:19:23.500] so long as they shall last.

[00:19:23.500 – 00:19:33.800] Someone once wrote a grapevine piece about him, and the title

[00:19:33.800 – 00:19:39.200] was this: The Little Doctor Who Loved Drunks.

[00:19:39.200 – 00:19:51.900] And from the point of view of the rationalist and the scientific man, the

[00:19:51.900 – 00:19:57.700] little doctor was a nobody, even crank with odd ideas.

[00:19:57.700 – 00:20:11.000] He said that, “Sure, there is a lunatic compulsion to drink.” Certainly

[00:20:11.000 – 00:20:14.600] true enough.

[00:20:14.600 – 00:20:22.400] No doubt it may have psychological causes, trauma in youth, et cetera.

[00:20:22.400 – 00:20:32.900] But he said, “I think that there is a big moral question here.” And he also said, “I believe

[00:20:32.900 – 00:20:44.200] that there is something wrong with the body and the metabolism of

[00:20:44.200 – 00:20:45.300] alcoholics.

[00:20:45.300 – 00:20:55.700] For short, not knowing what it is, I use a widely understood term called allergy.” So

[00:20:55.700 – 00:21:06.200] this adds up to a compulsion that condemns the victim to drink against his will and interest until the destruction is complete,

[00:21:06.200 – 00:21:16.000] and this is joined to a physical condition that ensures his lunacy and finally his demise.

[00:21:16.000 – 00:21:26.800] On this hot summer night, this

[00:21:26.800 – 00:21:37.100] dear little man, who up to then Had worked in drying out joints, finally town’s

[00:21:37.100 – 00:21:43.500] hospital where I used to go, with perhaps twenty-five thousand drunks.

[00:21:43.500 – 00:21:48.700] Occasional successes here and there.

[00:21:48.700 – 00:21:52.900] He worked on a pittance.

[00:21:52.900 – 00:21:54.400] He boarded in the place.

[00:21:54.400 – 00:22:00.700] He had a room upstairs.

[00:22:00.700 – 00:22:09.200] So, as gently as he could, he told us what the score was.

[00:22:09.200 – 00:22:20.000] Just like Jung speaking to Rowland, he said, “When Bill came here, he clearly wanted so desperately to stop

[00:22:20.000 – 00:22:26.200] that, uh, I thought he might be one of the few.

[00:22:26.200 – 00:22:32.900] But I’m afraid that I must say that he isn’t.

[00:22:32.900 – 00:22:36.300] He’s beginning to be deteriorating.

[00:22:36.300 – 00:22:46.600] I’m afraid if he would remain sane or even live long, that

[00:22:46.600 – 00:22:56.600] he will have to be committed.” So this is the sentence that science in

[00:22:56.600 – 00:22:57.600] the persons of Dr.

[00:22:57.600 – 00:22:59.400] Jung and of Dr.

[00:22:59.400 – 00:23:05.100] Silkworth passed upon me and upon all of us.

[00:23:05.100 – 00:23:15.100] And both these truly great men, great human beings, had had

[00:23:15.100 – 00:23:18.500] the courage to say what they believed.

[00:23:18.500 – 00:23:30.900] Well, meanwhile, my friend Ebby had

[00:23:30.900 – 00:23:42.500] got into such a state that he was about to be committed for lunacy at

[00:23:42.500 – 00:23:45.800] a state institution in Vermont for the family of some.

[00:23:45.800 – 00:23:49.900] Town fathers were weary of Ebby.

[00:23:49.900 – 00:24:00.500] His last exploit had consisted of his, uh, just borrowing the old man’s brand-new Cadillac,

[00:24:00.500 – 00:24:12.100] running it down a main street a little ways off in the country at a very high speed, and

[00:24:12.100 – 00:24:21.400] quite without thinking, he veered off the road across a narrow field and into the side of a farmhouse.

[00:24:21.400 – 00:24:26.300] And this was the kitchen ell or end of the house.

[00:24:26.300 – 00:24:36.100] It was not built very strongly, so the car went right into the kitchen with Ebby still sitting there.

[00:24:36.100 – 00:24:40.700] And this kind of jolted him awake.

[00:24:40.700 – 00:24:50.700] A cowering woman sat in the corner, and of course, Ebby saw even through his haze that it was an awkward

[00:24:50.700 – 00:24:51.500] moment.

[00:24:51.500 – 00:25:01.500] And he– so he leaned out and he said, “Well,” he says, “what about a cup

[00:25:01.500 – 00:25:11.500] of coffee?” For the town fathers,

[00:25:11.500 – 00:25:12.600] this was it.

[00:25:12.600 – 00:25:23.700] So they gathered up Ebby, hailed him before the judge down at Bennington, and

[00:25:23.700 – 00:25:33.800] just as he was about to be routed to the hoosegow at Brattleboro, then appeared Hazard along with a couple of

[00:25:33.800 – 00:25:35.900] other drunks from the Oxford Group.

[00:25:35.900 – 00:25:46.800] And they took Ebby in tow, and they got him sort of indoctrinated on the desirability

[00:25:46.800 – 00:25:50.800] of honesty, restitution, helping other people, prayer, and so forth.

[00:25:50.800 – 00:25:53.600] They brought him down to New York.

[00:25:53.600 – 00:26:03.800] Well, just after leaving the hospital, I had stayed sober for a month or two

[00:26:03.800 – 00:26:06.600] out of sheer fear, constant vigilance.

[00:26:06.600 – 00:26:11.300] And then I was in the toils again.

[00:26:11.300 – 00:26:23.200] So about the time Ebby landed in New York and was parked because he was penniless in Calvary Mission, I’m

[00:26:23.200 – 00:26:24.800] sitting at the kitchen table.

[00:26:24.800 – 00:26:28.400] Lois is working in that department store.

[00:26:28.400 – 00:26:38.100] I had a communication, a kind of a language of the heart with the delicatessen up there, which supplied me with gin on credit.

[00:26:38.100 – 00:26:43.600] And I sat drinking and the telephone rang.

[00:26:43.600 – 00:26:47.700] And now I know that this was it.

[00:26:47.700 – 00:26:55.100] Something told me so, and science had driven in the last spike.

[00:26:55.100 – 00:26:56.700] I was nailed down to stay.

[00:26:56.700 – 00:27:01.700] So the telephone rang, and here’s Ebby.

[00:27:01.700 – 00:27:05.800] I thought he had gone to the booby hatch.

[00:27:05.800 – 00:27:09.300] I said, “Come on over.

[00:27:09.300 – 00:27:18.200] We’ll talk about the good old days.” Ah, what a very significant line, the good old days.

[00:27:18.200 – 00:27:26.100] Today was unbearable, and there would be no future.

[00:27:26.100 – 00:27:28.200] So we would talk.

[00:27:28.200 – 00:27:32.200] He appeared in the doorway.

[00:27:32.200 – 00:27:38.800] At once, I sensed something indefinably different about him.

[00:27:38.800 – 00:27:41.300] He came in.

[00:27:41.300 – 00:27:44.800] He sat at this kitchen table in the basement.

[00:27:44.800 – 00:27:54.800] On it, I had a big pitcher full of gin with a little pineapple juice sliced in so as to suggest cocktails

[00:27:54.800 – 00:27:58.400] instead of the straight stuff when Lois got home from the store.

[00:27:58.400 – 00:28:03.500] So I set out the tumbler for him and started to pour.

[00:28:03.500 – 00:28:12.300] He said, “No, thanks.” “What?” “No, thanks.” “Well, what’s got into you, Abby?

[00:28:12.300 – 00:28:19.700] Not drinking?” “Well,” he says, “I’m not drinking today.” “Well,” I said, “come on.

[00:28:19.700 – 00:28:20.900] Let, let’s have it.

[00:28:20.900 – 00:28:31.000] What, well, what’s happened?” Well, he looked at me and he said, “I’ve got religion.” Well, if I’d been deflated by the scientists,

[00:28:31.000 – 00:28:40.500] this really let me down to the middle of the earth then, because I had had a wonderful scientific education, too.

[00:28:40.500 – 00:28:46.800] Just like our last speaker, I knew better.

[00:28:46.800 – 00:28:59.500] Well, one must be polite, so I said to Abby, “What brand is it?” And

[00:28:59.500 – 00:29:09.600] he said, “I wouldn’t exactly call it a brand.” And then being very careful to avoid the aggressive evangelism of the Oxford groups, he merely

[00:29:09.600 – 00:29:16.800] told me his story, how he’d met Hazard, come to New York, and he felt unaccountably released from this desire to drink.

[00:29:16.800 – 00:29:18.300] Well, this release was a new one.

[00:29:18.300 – 00:29:20.500] I’m not at all talking about the water wagon.

[00:29:20.500 – 00:29:28.200] So his story carried great conviction to me.

[00:29:28.200 – 00:29:38.700] Over this identification, no doubt at great depth, over which simple ideas

[00:29:38.700 – 00:29:40.000] could be pitched in.

[00:29:40.000 – 00:29:48.000] Instead of having to use the corkscrew of the psychiatrist from the top, he was able to go right straight through.

[00:29:48.000 – 00:29:52.900] He hadn’t presented me with a single new idea at all.

[00:29:52.900 – 00:29:59.500] But I will say that after that conversation, I could never be the same man again.

[00:29:59.500 – 00:30:09.900] And so without pressuring me at all, he took his leave, said, “I’ll see you later.” In no waking hour in the days that followed

[00:30:09.900 – 00:30:15.700] could the vision of Abby speaking across that table leave me.

[00:30:15.700 – 00:30:19.600] And of course, I felt trapped.

[00:30:19.600 – 00:30:24.300] I said, “But if I only could go along with it.

[00:30:24.300 – 00:30:26.500] Honestly, yes, you could make a try.

[00:30:26.500 – 00:30:28.100] Helping other people, dandy.

[00:30:28.100 – 00:30:31.800] You know I’m public-spirited, um, et cetera.

[00:30:31.800 – 00:30:41.000] But the God bit, oh, man.” And this had really, although he had played it down, appeared to be the crux of it.

[00:30:41.000 – 00:30:51.000] So finally, one morning after Lois had gone and I’d got partly tanked

[00:30:51.000 – 00:30:55.500] up, I said, “I’ve got to get a clear look at this thing.”

[00:30:56.500 – 00:31:00.100] So I arrived up at Townes Hospital, half-sooned.

[00:31:00.100 – 00:31:02.700] Dr.

[00:31:02.700 – 00:31:13.000] Silkworth looked at me sadly, and I brandished the bottle and yelled, “Doc, this time I got something.” And the old man said, “I’m afraid

[00:31:13.000 – 00:31:13.400] you have.

[00:31:13.400 – 00:31:18.900] You better get upstairs and go to bed.” I wasn’t in too bad shape.

[00:31:18.900 – 00:31:21.200] Sedative and that sort of thing was out of me.

[00:31:21.200 – 00:31:25.500] Uh, two or three days.

[00:31:25.500 – 00:31:27.900] I was a month or two early.

[00:31:27.900 – 00:31:37.800] And then suddenly one morning about 11 o’clock, Ebby stood in the door.

[00:31:37.800 – 00:31:47.300] Well, I was glad to see him, but I suspected that this was the time he turned up the heat on the evangelism.

[00:31:47.300 – 00:31:57.700] Well now, it is said by theologians that prudence is one of the greatest virtues, and Ebby had it, and

[00:31:57.700 – 00:31:59.300] he knew my cast mind.

[00:31:59.300 – 00:32:09.300] So he quietly sat down, and we began to talk about folks at home and this, that, and the other

[00:32:09.300 – 00:32:16.800] thing, until he obliged me to ask him, “What’s this little bunch of cliches now?

[00:32:16.800 – 00:32:18.200] Let’s see how it was.

[00:32:18.200 – 00:32:21.400] You, you admit you can’t run your own life.

[00:32:21.400 – 00:32:25.900] Uh, you, uh, get honest with yourself about yourself.

[00:32:25.900 – 00:32:32.000] Uh, you talk it out with somebody, sort of a confessional, yeah.

[00:32:32.000 – 00:32:42.000] Uh, you make restitution for harms done, and then you pray to whatever god there is.” “Yeah,” Ebby

[00:32:42.000 – 00:32:43.200] says, “that’s about it.

[00:32:43.200 – 00:32:50.200] Now, what do you– uh, you think it’s gonna rain tomorrow?” He kept making– keep at him.

[00:32:50.200 – 00:32:55.800] And finally, without exerting one ounce of pressure on me, got up and went out of there.

[00:32:55.800 – 00:33:06.900] And I thought to myself, “Well, gee, this fella really practices what he preaches.” He

[00:33:06.900 – 00:33:16.100] had already bound me to him in the cords of a new understanding and love.

[00:33:16.100 – 00:33:21.000] Spoken to me at depths in the language of the heart.

[00:33:21.000 – 00:33:23.300] We all know what happened.

[00:33:23.300 – 00:33:33.300] Thus, I was prepared for the great

[00:33:33.300 – 00:33:34.400] event of my life.

[00:33:34.400 – 00:33:44.500] And so after he was gone, of course, I commenced my old

[00:33:44.500 – 00:33:46.000] struggle with the God bit.

[00:33:46.000 – 00:33:57.100] And I finally thought, “Well, was it the egg that came first or the hen?” And

[00:33:57.100 – 00:33:58.500] I could not decide.

[00:33:58.500 – 00:34:08.500] And this let me down into a depression, and I’ve had some dandy since, for which there was no

[00:34:08.500 – 00:34:09.700] description at all.

[00:34:09.700 – 00:34:16.300] I mean, the sheer hysterical agony of this thing is beyond words.

[00:34:16.300 – 00:34:26.500] And finally, and momentarily, I suppose, indeed I know, the last vestige

[00:34:26.500 – 00:34:30.500] of this prideful obstinacy were rubbed out.

[00:34:30.500 – 00:34:41.100] So as a small child, frightened by the dark

[00:34:41.100 – 00:34:51.100] in this strange womb in which I had found myself, I cried out, “If there

[00:34:51.100 – 00:35:01.100] is a God, will He show Himself?” Instantly, the place seemed to light up in

[00:35:01.100 – 00:35:05.300] a blinding glare.

[00:35:05.300 – 00:35:12.500] I was instantly transported into an ecstasy beyond description.

[00:35:12.500 – 00:35:19.100] I began to have visions of the mind’s eye sort.

[00:35:19.100 – 00:35:23.200] It seemed to me that I was on a mountain.

[00:35:23.200 – 00:35:33.500] A great wind was blowing, and it came around me, and

[00:35:33.500 – 00:35:35.300] then it passed through me.

[00:35:35.300 – 00:35:43.400] And I thought to myself, “This is not of air.

[00:35:43.400 – 00:35:45.300] This is of spirit.

[00:35:45.300 – 00:35:55.400] This is the God of the preachers.” And then the ecstasy subsided

[00:35:55.400 – 00:35:56.100] a great deal.

[00:35:56.100 – 00:36:06.100] I found myself lying on that bed, but now I am in a new

[00:36:06.100 – 00:36:07.000] dimension.

[00:36:07.000 – 00:36:16.200] Just as our late friend put it, I was a part of the universe at last.

[00:36:16.200 – 00:36:20.500] In however small way, I did belong.

[00:36:20.500 – 00:36:31.100] And I reveled in

[00:36:31.100 – 00:36:31.600] this.

[00:36:31.600 – 00:36:42.900] And then at length, science came back and said, “My God, you’re hallucinating.” So

[00:36:42.900 – 00:36:45.900] then comes the little doctor who loves drunks.

[00:36:45.900 – 00:36:49.900] I had summoned him.

[00:36:49.900 – 00:36:55.200] I said, “Doc,” as well as I can recount it, “here it is.

[00:36:55.200 – 00:37:00.400] This is what has seemed to happen, what I know has happened, and yet I am frightened.

[00:37:00.400 – 00:37:07.600] Am I hallucinating?” He questioned me very carefully and very gently.

[00:37:07.600 – 00:37:14.800] And he finally said great words for Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:37:14.800 – 00:37:26.700] Said that obscure little doctor with no professional re-reputation, “Bill, some

[00:37:26.700 – 00:37:29.400] great psychic event has occurred.

[00:37:29.400 – 00:37:33.200] I don’t pretend to understand it.

[00:37:33.200 – 00:37:36.400] I have read about these things in the books.

[00:37:36.400 – 00:37:39.400] I know they happen.

[00:37:39.400 – 00:37:43.400] Now I have witnessed one.

[00:37:43.400 – 00:37:52.000] And dear boy, whatever it is, you better hang on to it.

[00:37:52.000 – 00:38:02.700] It’s so much better than that which had you only an hour ago.” Well, those coming

[00:38:02.700 – 00:38:06.000] hours were a great one.

[00:38:06.000 – 00:38:10.900] This reassurance that I was not lunatic helped.

[00:38:10.900 – 00:38:19.800] Supposing he had spoken to me other words and said, “Let’s, uh, I’ll give you a sedative.

[00:38:19.800 – 00:38:24.700] You’ll feel better tomorrow.” Perhaps this would not have altered the course of events.

[00:38:24.700 – 00:38:33.400] But you know, it was the humanity of the man that counted.

[00:38:33.400 – 00:38:43.600] So the very next day, Ebby brought up to me

[00:38:43.600 – 00:38:53.600] a book from which we drew another part of this synthesis, and that

[00:38:53.600 – 00:39:01.600] book was written by William James, called by some the father of modern psychology.

[00:39:01.600 – 00:39:15.800] And I read through this book titled, uh, well,

[00:39:15.800 – 00:39:18.200] Religious Experiences, got one of those memory laps.

[00:39:18.200 – 00:39:22.200] Uh, here there are varieties of religious experience.

[00:39:22.200 – 00:39:24.600] So okay, here they were.

[00:39:24.600 – 00:39:27.500] The manifestations were many.

[00:39:27.500 – 00:39:33.900] Sometimes they were electric, sudden, overwhelming.

[00:39:33.900 – 00:39:39.700] At other times, they moved very slowly.

[00:39:39.700 – 00:39:49.700] They came under the auspices of religion, but also to an agnostic looking out a window saying, “The

[00:39:49.700 – 00:39:54.000] tree can respond to the laws of its nature, and I cannot.

[00:39:54.000 – 00:39:57.400] Oh, higher power.

[00:39:57.400 – 00:40:06.300] Oh, God of the universe.” And then suddenly or slowly, the transformation would set in.

[00:40:06.300 – 00:40:14.900] Now, as I read through the many descriptions, certain common den-denominators darted out.

[00:40:14.900 – 00:40:26.100] Nearly all of these transforming bases, uh, experiences laid on a basis of calamity concerning

[00:40:26.100 – 00:40:34.300] a controlling situation in the life of the individual that on his resources or on any oth-other resources could not be transcended.

[00:40:34.300 – 00:40:37.600] He could not get over, he could not get around, he could not get under.

[00:40:37.600 – 00:40:48.000] And when that got him at depth, he was wide open for what we agree with our friends of religion

[00:40:48.000 – 00:40:49.600] is God’s grace.

[00:40:49.600 – 00:40:59.700] So the problem of bringing other alcoholics to this experience was not the problem of bolstering

[00:40:59.700 – 00:41:00.700] up this ego.

[00:41:00.700 – 00:41:04.900] It was of deflating it.

[00:41:04.900 – 00:41:13.900] So as a deflationary tool, one thought, well, Young had handed it to Hazard.

[00:41:13.900 – 00:41:19.900] Ebby had handed it to me, but most particularly had Silkworth.

[00:41:19.900 – 00:41:32.700] In other words, here was my God of science saying, “For you, I can do nothing.” So

[00:41:32.700 – 00:41:42.700] deflation at depth today we bring on by talking about a compulsion that condemns us to drink, coupled with a physical condition

[00:41:42.700 – 00:41:45.900] that condemns us to lunacy and death.

[00:41:45.900 – 00:41:56.100] And when that is projected over the transference, if we can s-so easily get

[00:41:56.100 – 00:42:05.300] with each other in this kinship of suffering, then there’s the deflation.

[00:42:05.300 – 00:42:15.600] Then when people turn to AA, even in dependence upon AA as God at first, this transformation

[00:42:15.600 – 00:42:19.700] sets in, the one we know so well.

[00:42:19.700 – 00:42:22.300] Well, you know the rest of the story.

[00:42:22.300 – 00:42:25.400] I fussed around New York with drunks.

[00:42:25.400 – 00:42:29.800] The experience had a certain paranoid component.

[00:42:29.800 – 00:42:38.400] I was prone to grandiosity, and I think I announced during the first six months I was going to fix all the drunks in the world, which was a long departure from experience.

[00:42:38.400 – 00:42:39.700] Ego came back.

[00:42:39.700 – 00:42:49.300] There wasn’t a damn one got fixed until I arrived in Akron, and here was dear Dr.

[00:42:49.300 – 00:42:49.900] Bob.

[00:42:49.900 – 00:42:56.500] And so I said, “I’m going to quit preaching.

[00:42:56.500 – 00:43:05.600] I’m going to quit demanding that these people have an experience like mine.” Indeed, and this was another calling of its own.

[00:43:05.600 – 00:43:12.700] If I am to stay sober myself, for I had been disconcerted by the failure of a business deal.

[00:43:12.700 – 00:43:18.700] I need this other alcoholic drunker suffer worse than he could ever need me.

[00:43:18.700 – 00:43:22.900] So we struck that mutuality.

[00:43:22.900 – 00:43:25.700] I got off of my pedestal.

[00:43:25.700 – 00:43:27.000] It clicked.

[00:43:27.000 – 00:43:29.200] Soon after, there was a third.

[00:43:29.200 – 00:43:33.900] And in Akron, Bob with Sister Ignacia.

[00:43:33.900 – 00:43:44.800] Again, in this benign synthesis, medicine, religion, and our own experience launched the set of transformations

[00:43:44.800 – 00:43:55.000] running through five thousand drunks at Akron in Bob’s lifetime, and with Ignacia and coworkers in the area to another

[00:43:55.000 – 00:43:57.700] ten thousand up to the time of her death.

[00:43:57.700 – 00:44:04.000] Such is our debt to medicine.

[00:44:04.000 – 00:44:11.900] Such is our debt to the Christian teaching.

[00:44:11.900 – 00:44:22.200] Such, my friends, is our debt to

[00:44:22.200 – 00:44:24.400] the everlasting and eternal God.

[00:44:24.400 – 00:44:42.900] Now,

[00:44:42.900 – 00:44:50.000] we have a distinguished AA clergyman in the audience.

[00:44:50.000 – 00:44:59.100] And pray for us and then lead us together in the Lord’s Prayer.

[00:44:59.100 – 00:45:13.000] Almighty

[00:45:13.000 – 00:45:23.100] God, grant us the grace to always see the truth as you wish us to

[00:45:23.100 – 00:45:34.400] see it, and each day to come to you to learn your will, and

[00:45:34.400 – 00:45:44.600] give us the grace both to see it clearly and the ability and the strength to carry

[00:45:44.600 – 00:45:45.100] it out.

[00:45:45.100 – 00:45:52.100] Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

[00:45:52.100 – 00:45:59.000] Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

[00:45:59.000 – 00:46:09.400] Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against

[00:46:09.400 – 00:46:09.700] us.

[00:46:09.700 – 00:46:15.200] And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

[00:46:15.200 – 00:46:20.900] For thine is the power and the glory forever.

[00:46:20.900 – 00:46:22.200] Amen.

[00:41:32.700 – 00:41:42.700] deflation at depth today we bring on by talking about a compulsion that condemns us to drink, coupled with a physical condition

[00:41:42.700 – 00:41:45.900] that condemns us to lunacy and death.

[00:41:45.900 – 00:41:56.100] And when that is projected over the transference, if we can s-so easily get

[00:41:56.100 – 00:42:05.300] with each other in this kinship of suffering, then there’s the deflation.

[00:42:05.300 – 00:42:15.600] Then when people turn to AA, even in dependence upon AA as God at first, this transformation

[00:42:15.600 – 00:42:19.700] sets in, the one we know so well.

[00:42:19.700 – 00:42:22.300] Well, you know the rest of the story.

[00:42:22.300 – 00:42:25.400] I fussed around New York with drunks.

[00:42:25.400 – 00:42:29.800] The experience had a certain paranoid component.

[00:42:29.800 – 00:42:38.400] I was prone to grandiosity, and I think I announced during the first six months I was going to fix all the drunks in the world, which was a long departure from experience.

[00:42:38.400 – 00:42:39.700] Ego came back.

[00:42:39.700 – 00:42:49.300] There wasn’t a damn one got fixed until I arrived in Akron, and here was dear Dr.

[00:42:49.300 – 00:42:49.900] Bob.

[00:42:49.900 – 00:42:56.500] And so I said, “I’m going to quit preaching.

[00:42:56.500 – 00:43:05.600] I’m going to quit demanding that these people have an experience like mine.” Indeed, and this was another calling of its own.

[00:43:05.600 – 00:43:12.700] If I am to stay sober myself, for I had been disconcerted by the failure of a business deal.

[00:43:12.700 – 00:43:18.700] I need this other alcoholic drunker suffer worse than he could ever need me.

[00:43:18.700 – 00:43:22.900] So we struck that mutuality.

[00:43:22.900 – 00:43:25.700] I got off of my pedestal.

[00:43:25.700 – 00:43:27.000] It clicked.

[00:43:27.000 – 00:43:29.200] Soon after, there was a third.

[00:43:29.200 – 00:43:33.900] And in Akron, Bob with Sister Ignacia.

[00:43:33.900 – 00:43:44.800] Again, in this benign synthesis, medicine, religion, and our own experience launched the set of transformations

[00:43:44.800 – 00:43:55.000] running through five thousand drunks at Akron in Bob’s lifetime, and with Ignacia and coworkers in the area to another

[00:43:55.000 – 00:43:57.700] ten thousand up to the time of her death.

[00:43:57.700 – 00:44:04.000] Such is our debt to medicine.

[00:44:04.000 – 00:44:11.900] Such is our debt to the Christian teaching.

[00:44:11.900 – 00:44:22.200] Such, my friends, is our debt to

[00:44:22.200 – 00:44:24.400] the everlasting and eternal God.

[00:44:24.400 – 00:44:42.900] Now,

[00:44:42.900 – 00:44:50.000] we have a distinguished AA clergyman in the audience.

[00:44:50.000 – 00:44:59.100] And pray for us and then lead us together in the Lord’s Prayer.

[00:44:59.100 – 00:45:13.000] Almighty

[00:45:13.000 – 00:45:23.100] God, grant us the grace to always see the truth as you wish us to

[00:45:23.100 – 00:45:34.400] see it, and each day to come to you to learn your will, and

[00:45:34.400 – 00:45:44.600] give us the grace both to see it clearly and the ability and the strength to carry

[00:45:44.600 – 00:45:45.100] it out.

[00:45:45.100 – 00:45:52.100] Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

[00:45:52.100 – 00:45:59.000] Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

[00:45:59.000 – 00:46:09.400] Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against

[00:46:09.400 – 00:46:09.700] us.

[00:46:09.700 – 00:46:15.200] And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

[00:46:15.200 – 00:46:20.900] For thine is the power and the glory forever.

[00:46:20.900 – 00:46:22.200] Amen.

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