31st Anniversary Dinner — Various Speakers, 1965

[00:00 – 00:09] Mr. Chairman, it is my privilege on behalf of the New York Intergroup Association to welcome you all here tonight. [00:09 – 00:14] Now all day long we’ve been asked, members of the dinner committee and myself, [00:14 – 00:17] how many people are going to be at Bill’s dinner? [00:17 – 00:20] Well, we have the answer for you now. [00:20 – 00:27] There are 2,454 people here, which I think is marvelous. [00:27 – 00:35] It’s the biggest party in town, I’m sure. [00:35 – 00:42] Just to prove that AA is indeed worldwide, we have many visitors and guests, [00:42 – 00:51] not only on the national level, but we do have friends here from Puerto Rico, Australia, Trinidad. [00:51 – 00:58] And Bill, I know, has received many wires from people all over the world who are unable to be with us tonight. [00:58 – 01:14] To open tonight’s meeting, I would like to ask Reverend McBee to give the invocation. [01:14 – 01:19] Direct we beseech Thee, O Lord, our actions by Thy holy inspirations, [01:19 – 01:23] and carry them on by Thy gracious assistance, [01:23 – 01:28] that every prayer and work of ours may always begin with Thee, [01:28 – 01:30] and through Thee be happily ended. [01:30 – 01:37] Through Christ our Lord. Amen. [01:37 – 01:41] Thank you, Father Joe. [01:41 – 01:46] I would like to read, as our 12th tradition does say, [01:46 – 01:50] Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our traditions, [01:50 – 01:56] ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. [01:56 – 02:03] In keeping with this tradition, we ask that you respect the names of any person you hear tonight, [02:03 – 02:08] or any person that you recognize in this room tonight. [02:08 – 02:12] Sitting out amongst you are many people who are wearing white badges, [02:12 – 02:15] and I’d like to tell you a little about them. [02:15 – 02:18] They are members of your dinner committee, [02:18 – 02:23] and it has been their responsibility to handle the mailings, [02:23 – 02:26] to help with the decorating of this room, [02:26 – 02:29] to select our guest speakers for tonight, [02:29 – 02:31] and to fill up this ballroom. [02:31 – 02:33] And I think they’ve done a great job, [02:33 – 02:39] and I’d like to ask them all if they would please stand and take a very well-deserved bow. [02:39 – 02:53] Applause. [02:53 – 03:01] And now it is my privilege to introduce to you the very special people who are sitting here on the dais with us. [03:01 – 03:07] I’d like to start, first I’d like to ask that you hold your applause, please, until I’ve finished. [03:07 – 03:12] I’d like to start on the extreme left of the dais, Martha N., [03:12 – 03:14] who is a member of the dinner committee, [03:14 – 03:23] and it was her very unglamorous job to handle all the clerical work that goes with putting a dinner like this together. [03:23 – 03:25] On Martha’s right is Bruce K. [03:25 – 03:30] Now here’s the man who handled all the ticket requests, the table assignments, [03:30 – 03:33] and has kept the books, I hope. [03:33 – 03:36] Laughter. [03:36 – 03:39] On Bruce’s right is Tommy McD. [03:39 – 03:43] Tommy is the recent addition to the intergroup staff, [03:43 – 03:47] and I think she has the most infectious smile in town. [03:47 – 03:49] Tommy. [03:49 – 03:53] Now next to Tommy is Jack W. [03:54 – 04:03] And Jack has the very imposing title of President of the New York Intergroup Association Steering Committee. [04:03 – 04:09] But many of you I know will remember Jack when he made his singing debut here at the dinner last year. [04:09 – 04:11] Laughter. [04:11 – 04:15] On Jack’s right is Doris H. [04:15 – 04:19] Doris is Executive Secretary of the Intergroup Association. [04:19 – 04:24] I don’t have the time to list all her many responsibilities. [04:24 – 04:27] We all know about them here on the local level. [04:27 – 04:31] She does a marvelous job of keeping the place in order, [04:31 – 04:34] and she’s been great with us on the dinner committee. [04:34 – 04:37] I can’t thank her enough. [04:37 – 04:39] We’ve heard from the gentleman on Doris’ right. [04:39 – 04:43] However, I’d like to tell you a little about Reverend McD. [04:43 – 04:47] Father Joe is a member of the program. [04:47 – 04:50] When I asked him which group he belonged to, he said, [04:50 – 04:54] I belong to two because my work keeps me in two boroughs, [04:54 – 04:56] and he’s not taking any chances. [04:56 – 05:00] He’s a member of a Manhattan group and a North Queens group. [05:00 – 05:05] To Father McBee’s right is Marge D. [05:05 – 05:08] Marge is from Ashburnham, Massachusetts, [05:08 – 05:11] and she is one of our guest speakers this evening. [05:11 – 05:15] I know we’re looking forward to hearing from her. [05:15 – 05:18] To Marge’s right is Bob S. [05:18 – 05:21] Now, if there’s anyone in this room who can [05:21 – 05:25] and very frequently takes his inventory, it’s me, [05:25 – 05:30] because he’s my husband. [05:30 – 05:33] Now we’d like to go over to the right of the dais, [05:33 – 05:37] and I’d like to ask Jane E. to stand. [05:37 – 05:40] Jane is a member of the intergroup staff, [05:40 – 05:43] and we know she’s always on the job [05:43 – 05:46] because I know I receive my weekly bulletin, [05:46 – 05:48] and it’s also Jane’s responsibility [05:48 – 05:51] to keep the lifeline of intergroup open, [05:51 – 05:54] our 12-step book, which keeps group information [05:54 – 05:57] and individual information in it. [05:57 – 06:01] Next to Jane is her husband, Chuck E. [06:01 – 06:05] Chick, as he is known, is a member of the program [06:05 – 06:08] of the Murray Hill group. [06:08 – 06:12] On Chick’s left is Marge B. [06:12 – 06:15] Marge is the wife of the co-chairman of this dinner, [06:15 – 06:18] but she is also a member of the, [06:18 – 06:21] and I want to get this right, [06:21 – 06:24] of the Al-Anon Brick Church group [06:24 – 06:27] of East Orange, New Jersey. [06:27 – 06:31] And on Marge’s left is Bill B., your co-chairman. [06:31 – 06:34] And his job was really quite simple. [06:34 – 06:37] All he had to do was be everywhere [06:37 – 06:39] and do everything immediately. [06:39 – 06:42] And besides that, he had to encourage, [06:42 – 06:44] counsel, and guide me. [06:44 – 06:47] And I’d like to take this time, if I may, [06:47 – 06:49] to thank Bill for all he has done. [06:49 – 06:52] I cannot thank him enough. [06:52 – 06:57] And on Bill’s left is Mrs. Bill N., [06:57 – 07:02] and Dotty is the wife of our guest speaker this evening. [07:02 – 07:05] Our next gentleman is Bill N., [07:05 – 07:08] who is a member of the Whitestone College Point group [07:08 – 07:11] and one of our guest speakers tonight. [07:11 – 07:14] On Bill’s left is Mrs. Syme, [07:14 – 07:17] who is, I know, a staunch advocator [07:17 – 07:20] and friend of AA. [07:20 – 07:22] Next to her is her husband, [07:22 – 07:24] Reverend Alexander Syme. [07:24 – 07:27] Reverend Syme is no stranger to our midst. [07:27 – 07:31] I know he did a great deal for the AA groups in the Bronx. [07:31 – 07:33] He’s now located in Baldwin [07:33 – 07:35] and has continued to carry on [07:35 – 07:38] and to be a friend of our program. [07:38 – 07:42] Our next two guests I’d like to introduce together. [07:42 – 07:47] Ladies and gentlemen, Lois and Bill W. [07:47 – 07:50] APPLAUSE [08:17 – 08:38] Here in Alcoholics Anonymous, [08:38 – 08:41] we have two types of meetings. [08:41 – 08:43] One is our closed meeting, [08:43 – 08:46] which is the workshop and for alcoholics only. [08:46 – 08:48] Our other meeting is an open meeting, [08:48 – 08:52] in which we have a leader and three speakers. [08:52 – 08:55] Tonight we will have an open meeting. [08:55 – 08:59] And as is generally done at all our meetings, [08:59 – 09:00] closed or open, [09:00 – 09:03] I would now like to open this meeting [09:03 – 09:06] with the reading of the preamble. [09:06 – 09:11] Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women [09:11 – 09:15] who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other [09:15 – 09:18] that they may solve their common problems [09:18 – 09:22] and help others to recover from alcoholism. [09:22 – 09:24] The only requirement for membership [09:24 – 09:27] is a desire to stop drinking. [09:27 – 09:31] There are no dues or fees for AA membership. [09:31 – 09:36] We are self-supporting through our own contributions. [09:36 – 09:40] AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, [09:40 – 09:45] politics, organization, or institution. [09:45 – 09:48] It does not wish to engage in any controversy, [09:48 – 09:52] neither endorses nor opposes any causes. [09:52 – 09:56] Our primary purpose is to stay sober [09:56 – 10:01] and to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. [10:01 – 10:04] As the leader for this open meeting tonight, [10:04 – 10:09] I would like to very briefly qualify. [10:09 – 10:13] My name is Jody Simpson, and I am an alcoholic. [10:13 – 10:19] I don’t recall looking in retrospect at my background [10:19 – 10:22] that I would have any inkling that I would later in life [10:22 – 10:25] have any problem with alcoholism. [10:25 – 10:29] However, some two years after graduating from school, [10:29 – 10:32] I found myself in a job in a new field. [10:32 – 10:35] I was in on the ground floor. [10:35 – 10:38] The job involved a great deal of promotional work, [10:38 – 10:43] entertainment, traveling, and drinking. [10:43 – 10:47] And I thought at first that it was part of this gracious way of living [10:47 – 10:51] that I had my lunch and cocktails, my afternoon drinks, [10:51 – 10:53] and my wine with dinner. [10:53 – 10:59] And my drinking during this next five-year period was very slow. [10:59 – 11:01] My progression was very slow. [11:01 – 11:05] And I had no idea whatever what was happening to me. [11:05 – 11:10] As a matter of fact, my way of thinking went something like this. [11:10 – 11:13] At one time I was allied, [11:13 – 11:17] this particular organization was allied to the medical profession, [11:17 – 11:22] and we were doing a research study on alcoholics. [11:22 – 11:26] And the doctors decided that it would be a change of pace [11:26 – 11:29] for these particular patients we were working with [11:29 – 11:32] if I were to take them on a day’s outing. [11:32 – 11:34] And I thought this was a grand idea. [11:34 – 11:37] And all 20 of us got into the Red Cross lorry [11:37 – 11:41] and off we went to Yankee Stadium to a ball game. [11:41 – 11:43] Now it was a hot day. [11:43 – 11:45] The game was slow. [11:45 – 11:47] And I thought nothing of saying to them, [11:47 – 11:51] what do you say, fellas, let’s have a couple of drinks. [11:51 – 11:56] Now here I was, part of a medical team, a therapeutic team. [11:56 – 12:01] I had no inkling of the first drink or what it would do. [12:01 – 12:07] And I was helping these alcoholics by giving them a drink. [12:07 – 12:09] But this is the way I thought. [12:09 – 12:11] And I certainly didn’t believe I had any problem. [12:11 – 12:15] I thought drinking was part of the normal daily living. [12:15 – 12:20] Now for the next five years our organization started to grow, [12:20 – 12:24] started to grow in staff and in scope. [12:24 – 12:27] And with it was my drinking. [12:27 – 12:29] My drinking was also starting to grow. [12:29 – 12:31] It was starting to progress. [12:31 – 12:34] And soon there were warning signs. [12:34 – 12:36] Now there were no barroom escapades. [12:36 – 12:39] There were no lost weekends. [12:39 – 12:41] But the warning signs were up. [12:41 – 12:44] I would sneak drinking at home where it wasn’t necessary. [12:44 – 12:47] I would sneak drinking on the job. [12:47 – 12:52] My excuses for my peculiar behavior were becoming more elaborate. [12:52 – 12:57] My business trips were becoming totally centered around drinking. [12:57 – 13:02] And I think the first inkling I ever had that there might possibly be something wrong [13:02 – 13:06] was when I discovered myself coming back on a trip from the Midwest [13:06 – 13:08] and I had to change planes. [13:08 – 13:12] And I was in the bar, naturally, at the airport. [13:12 – 13:16] And I had to shake so bad, just like I am now, [13:16 – 13:18] except I’m sober, [13:18 – 13:21] that I couldn’t pick up the drink. [13:21 – 13:24] And I knew that something had to be done then. [13:24 – 13:28] And by the time the plane landed in New York, my problem was solved. [13:28 – 13:34] And I had solved it because I knew that with some willpower [13:34 – 13:39] and with some control that this situation could be put under arrest. [13:39 – 13:41] And I tried. [13:41 – 13:43] I tried very desperately. [13:43 – 13:46] And it seemed to get worse instead of better. [13:46 – 13:48] There was no willpower. [13:48 – 13:53] There was no control that I could possibly have that would help me now. [13:53 – 13:57] And I found myself one day, and it seems as with many of us, [13:57 – 13:59] there is always that one day, [13:59 – 14:04] the one day where we want everything to go just right, and so did I. [14:04 – 14:08] Because this was the day that this very organization I started with, [14:08 – 14:10] and it was a dream that was coming true. [14:10 – 14:13] We were moving into our own headquarters. [14:13 – 14:15] Things were going beautifully. [14:15 – 14:17] We were going to have a grand opening. [14:17 – 14:21] I think every VIP in this city and in allied professions [14:21 – 14:26] had been invited to the opening, and it was a memorable one. [14:26 – 14:31] I know because I was a spectacle of it. [14:31 – 14:35] My drinking started in the morning, and it didn’t finish until evening, [14:35 – 14:38] and early evening. [14:38 – 14:42] And you can imagine the remorse and the guilt that I felt [14:42 – 14:45] when I went to intergroup that night. [14:45 – 14:47] Now, they suggested I go to meetings, [14:47 – 14:51] and they suggested that I go that night, and I did. [14:51 – 14:54] And I heard at the meetings, and I heard at successive meetings, [14:54 – 14:59] that sobriety was to be the most important thing in my life. [14:59 – 15:01] And I believed it. [15:01 – 15:04] And I went for a couple of months believing this [15:04 – 15:09] until one night at a meeting I found something that was much more important, [15:09 – 15:15] and three weeks later we were married. [15:15 – 15:19] Now, here we were, newcomer with newcomer. [15:19 – 15:22] We didn’t have any hope or any strength to share, [15:22 – 15:27] and for the next two years the only thing we ever shared were the bottles. [15:27 – 15:30] And I won’t go into details about those two years. [15:30 – 15:34] I don’t think you have to stretch your imagination to know what they were like. [15:35 – 15:40] But eventually my husband did realize to him sobriety was the most important thing, [15:40 – 15:44] and he went back to AA, and he became very active. [15:44 – 15:48] And never underestimate the power of example, [15:48 – 15:50] because that’s what happened to me. [15:50 – 15:53] I saw what was happening to him, and I wanted that. [15:53 – 15:57] And I think it’s only through the grace of my higher power [15:57 – 16:02] that again I had just a glimmer of self-honesty, [16:02 – 16:06] because I discovered that I couldn’t stop drinking on my own. [16:06 – 16:09] I couldn’t do it my way. [16:09 – 16:12] I discovered I wasn’t a part-time alcoholic, [16:12 – 16:16] that halfway measures had availed me nothing. [16:16 – 16:22] And I realized then that I had to be willing. [16:22 – 16:25] I had to be willing to be honest, [16:25 – 16:32] and to be willing to try and work on the steps to recovery that this program offers. [16:32 – 16:37] I think that one of the important steps in our recovery, [16:37 – 16:39] one of the important things we have to do, [16:39 – 16:43] as I read in the preamble, [16:43 – 16:46] Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women [16:46 – 16:53] who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other. [16:53 – 16:56] And to do just that this evening, [16:56 – 16:59] I’d like to introduce our first speaker [16:59 – 17:04] from the Whitestone College Point group, Bill N. [17:04 – 17:18] Thank you, Jody. [17:18 – 17:21] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. [17:21 – 17:25] My name is Bill N. I’m an alcoholic. [17:25 – 17:32] And the N stands for Neenan, and it’s spelled N-double-E-N-A-N. [17:32 – 17:43] I’m very proud and grateful to be a member of this life-saving and life-giving fellowship. [17:43 – 17:52] I’m particularly honored, humbly honored, to be able to speak at Bill’s 31st anniversary. [17:52 – 17:59] And I couldn’t help but thinking to myself, in some semblance of gratitude, [17:59 – 18:09] the amazing, miraculous things that can happen to a recovered drunk in this program, isn’t it? [18:09 – 18:16] Well, alcohol did just about to me, I suppose, what it did to most of us, [18:16 – 18:21] except possibly in the time element. [18:21 – 18:24] Now, this is very important to me. [18:24 – 18:31] It helped me to realize that I contracted a real, live disease. [18:31 – 18:37] Something happened to me that changed my life. [18:38 – 18:44] It changed me mentally, spiritually, and, of course, physically. [18:44 – 18:52] Until I was 37 years of age, there was absolutely no problem with alcohol in my life. [18:52 – 18:55] I took it, and I left it. [18:55 – 19:04] The drinking was confined to beer, usually, and that mostly in the hot weather. [19:04 – 19:16] And I did occasionally get drunk, as all good Irishmen do on, say, Paddy’s Day and New Year’s. [19:16 – 19:23] But I can recall in those days, or mornings after, reaching for the bottle that had the aspirin in it, [19:23 – 19:29] because I was concerned with getting myself into shape [19:29 – 19:36] so that I could resume my responsibilities and get to work on Monday. [19:36 – 19:43] But the day came when I had my first, I believe, for me, alcoholic drink, [19:43 – 19:48] and it happened to be a Boilermaker. [19:48 – 19:55] I remember the day, in fact, and I remember its immediate effect. [19:55 – 20:02] When I drank it, the whole world seemed to become very manageable. [20:02 – 20:07] My problems left. [20:07 – 20:09] All humanity were good creatures. [20:09 – 20:15] My wife became manageable, and it was a wonderful world. [20:15 – 20:30] And so I continued this newfound experiment, and I had another, and a third, and I felt wonderful. [20:30 – 20:42] And from that day, for the next three years, I drank alcoholically whenever and however I could get it. [20:42 – 20:51] And the first year, I believe, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. [20:51 – 20:57] I certainly realized that I was drinking excessively. [20:57 – 21:05] But here again, being an alcoholic and drinking alcoholically, I rationalized this with, [21:05 – 21:09] well, this was my due. [21:09 – 21:12] I was entitled to this relaxation. [21:12 – 21:21] And so if I occasionally drank and got drunk, this was, after all, my business, my due. [21:21 – 21:29] But it wasn’t long before the blackouts occurred, in fact, almost immediately. [21:29 – 21:39] My job was put down on the list in importance, my family, my responsibilities. [21:39 – 21:44] Alcohol became very important to me right off. [21:44 – 21:55] And in these blackouts, of course, I did things that I couldn’t remember, but they were actually insane things. [21:55 – 22:03] My thinking wasn’t right, and so I more or less welcomed the suggestion from my wife that [22:03 – 22:11] I have recourse to a psychiatrist, but maybe he could help me, make some positive suggestions. [22:11 – 22:14] And so I agreed. [22:14 – 22:19] But this man couldn’t help me simply because I wouldn’t tell him the truth. [22:19 – 22:27] And when he did refer to drinking and ask me whether I drank, I gave him the stark alcoholic reply, [22:27 – 22:34] well, occasionally, when I was able, occasionally. [22:34 – 22:39] And I went on from there, drinking further against his advice, [22:39 – 22:47] because he administered some electroshock treatments which he thought would help me. [22:47 – 22:54] He strongly advised that I do not drink, because these treatments and alcohol were not compatible, [22:54 – 23:02] and that he could not be responsible for the results if I did drink. [23:02 – 23:08] The next day I was in my favorite haunt, drinking, and of course he was right, [23:08 – 23:13] because things really got rough after that. [23:13 – 23:16] I, at this point, was no longer able to work. [23:16 – 23:23] I came down with something that some kind doctor referred to as rheumatism, [23:23 – 23:33] and I had it in the legs and in the arms, and I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t get to work, [23:33 – 23:41] and I couldn’t assume my duties, but I did manage to get to the bar, liquor store, [23:41 – 23:51] and it got bad, it got real bad, fast. [23:51 – 23:55] The more I drank, it seemed, the more I wanted. [23:55 – 24:05] In fact, it got to a point that my every waking moment was centered about alcohol and for alcohol, [24:05 – 24:13] and after coming out of one of these blackouts, I still had my home, I was in my living room, [24:13 – 24:17] and there were two of New York City’s finest standing over me, [24:17 – 24:22] and I was one of these real hoople cases, I suppose, they tell me, [24:22 – 24:30] and one of these guys had his billy out, admonishing me to take it easy and so on. [24:30 – 24:39] Before long, the limousine chariot from Kings County pulled up in front of the house, [24:39 – 24:49] and it was a very kind man in white, escorted me to the van, and I was on my way. [24:49 – 24:54] When I came to the next morning, of course, it was a shock, [24:54 – 25:00] it was a degradating, embarrassing position for me, [25:00 – 25:12] because here I was, confined here in this place with a lot of drunks, derelicts, alcoholics, [25:12 – 25:17] and after all, I had to remember that I had a good schooling, [25:17 – 25:24] I had graduated from a military academy, and had put a few years in a preparatory seminary, [25:24 – 25:32] and that there was no excuse, and that somebody was really doing me an injustice, [25:32 – 25:35] but it didn’t last long, fortunately. [25:35 – 25:42] I had an interview with a doctor, and they discharged me two days later. [25:43 – 25:49] Now, this gave me a real alcoholic resentment, [25:49 – 25:57] because I figured my wife was responsible, possibly my father, [25:57 – 26:01] for calling these people in on this particular episode, [26:01 – 26:10] and so I had recourse to more alcohol and another drunk, and it continued. [26:10 – 26:16] In the meantime, of course, no work, the arthritis was still bothering me, [26:16 – 26:20] but this couldn’t go on indefinitely either. [26:20 – 26:25] It seems that my company had done some checking on my hospital round, [26:25 – 26:30] and found that I had been listed, I suppose, at the county, [26:30 – 26:36] I don’t know what the procedure was, but they, I believe, indicated that I had an alcoholic problem, [26:36 – 26:40] and that all I had to do was stop drinking. [26:40 – 26:47] And so, after about five months of unauthorized vacation, [26:47 – 26:51] this firm had to leave me go, and this was after about ten years. [26:51 – 26:55] Now, I was very indignant with this too, [26:55 – 26:58] and so I wrote the treasurer of the company a letter, [26:59 – 27:05] of all the thankful years I had given of my life to this firm, [27:05 – 27:13] and so about four days later, I received a letter with a six-month severance check, [27:13 – 27:16] and of course I was on my way. [27:16 – 27:24] But it was only about three weeks later that I came out of another blackout, [27:24 – 27:33] in the same room, and the same two policemen, and the same van in front of the house, [27:33 – 27:38] and I was on my way again. [27:38 – 27:42] But this time, they decided to do a little research, [27:42 – 27:46] and try to find out what was wrong with this character, [27:46 – 27:51] and so I spent 22 days at the county, which is unusual, [27:51 – 27:54] because it’s only a five- or six-day stand, [27:54 – 27:58] and they’re either discharged or sent to a state hospital. [27:58 – 28:02] But I went through the test, psychiatric, [28:02 – 28:10] and all of the questions about my childhood, [28:10 – 28:15] and who I liked better when I was a child, my older brother or my younger sister, [28:15 – 28:27] but I’m only bringing out, by relating this, where alcohol had brought me mentally. [28:27 – 28:33] To these professional people, I was a sick individual, [28:33 – 28:37] and in the course of my stay down there, my good mother paid me a visit, [28:37 – 28:41] and she happened to speak to one of the doctors, [28:41 – 28:45] and she had good intentions, [28:45 – 28:52] but she reminded this man that, as a young fellow, I had played a lot of baseball, [28:52 – 28:58] and she recalled that I had been beamed a few times in the head, [28:58 – 29:03] and possibly there may be some effect, something was damaged, [29:03 – 29:07] and so the next morning, first thing, I went downstairs, [29:07 – 29:12] and they x-rayed my cranium from all angles, [29:12 – 29:16] and they found nothing, and that’s just what they found. [29:16 – 29:21] Nothing. [29:21 – 29:25] Now, the climax of the test, they culminated, [29:25 – 29:29] and they called me downstairs to the main floor, [29:29 – 29:34] and of course I walked into the room, the conference room at the county, [29:34 – 29:40] and I counted 16 doctors I felt very important, [29:40 – 29:45] and they were seated in a semicircle with their pens and pencils, [29:45 – 29:55] and I walked in with that real high-bottomed county uniform of blue pajamas and camp slippers, [29:55 – 29:58] and I sat down, and they began their questions, [29:58 – 30:05] and it wasn’t the questions so much that bothered me, or even the answers. [30:05 – 30:10] It was always the why after the answer, [30:10 – 30:16] and I recall one young doctor, female doctor, a very pretty young thing. [30:16 – 30:18] She raised the pencil, and she said, [30:18 – 30:22] Now, Mr. Neenan, and with that I almost fell off the stool, [30:22 – 30:27] because it was a long time since anyone had addressed me that way. [30:27 – 30:30] She said, Now, I want to ask you a very important question, [30:30 – 30:36] and I want you to take your time with it, give it due deliberation, [30:36 – 30:42] and full consideration before you answer, because it’s an important one. [30:42 – 30:47] And she said, Now, if you had to make a choice today, [30:47 – 30:51] and it was a compulsory one, [30:51 – 30:54] which would you choose to be, [30:54 – 30:57] a butterfly or a mole? [31:02 – 31:07] Well, she was right. I did take my time on that one. [31:16 – 31:23] And after much perspiring, I answered her. [31:23 – 31:26] And it apparently was the one she wanted, [31:26 – 31:31] because they bounced me out the next day, discharged me. [31:31 – 31:33] And I recall, I’m leaving the hospital, [31:33 – 31:38] the social worker gave me 60 cents car fare to get home, [31:38 – 31:41] and as soon as she put that change in my hand, [31:41 – 31:47] it represented four beers and maybe one on the house if I hit the right joint, [31:47 – 31:51] and I got up to Utica Avenue, and that’s where it went. [31:51 – 31:56] And so it continued, and of course it got worse. [31:58 – 32:03] When I was no longer able to afford legitimate alcoholic beverages, [32:03 – 32:08] you know, the U.S. government really never made much on taxes on what I drank, [32:08 – 32:14] because I had recourse, first of all, to that California bombing fluid [32:14 – 32:17] I got for 98 cents a quart, [32:17 – 32:22] and that gave me what I wanted at this point, which was simply oblivion. [32:22 – 32:27] And when I no longer had the price of a bottle of wine, [32:27 – 32:31] I tried and had recourse to beer, and stealing it, [32:31 – 32:38] I remember going into places, local establishments, with no money at all. [32:38 – 32:43] And I’d sit up on a stool, and I’d order a shot and a beer, [32:43 – 32:47] and I’d get it, and I’d drink it, and I’d order another one. [32:47 – 32:52] And by this time, the man had come over to me and said, [32:52 – 32:55] well, how about decorating the mahogany? [32:55 – 32:59] And I said, oh, I don’t have any money. [32:59 – 33:04] And so I was thrown out, but at least I got a drink. [33:04 – 33:14] And then, in my desolation and the typical alcoholic degradation, [33:14 – 33:19] I came across a bottle of rubbing alcohol. [33:19 – 33:23] I was in the course of looking for a bottle of wine that I thought I had hidden, [33:23 – 33:25] and probably did, but I couldn’t find it. [33:25 – 33:29] But I found the rubbing alcohol, and I took this under the light, [33:29 – 33:38] and I recall meditating to myself that, really, I couldn’t have come this far. [33:38 – 33:44] And after about three more seconds of deep meditation, I had the cap off it, [33:44 – 33:49] and I made myself a real high-bottom drink of rubbing alcohol, [33:49 – 33:52] some Kool-Aid, and an ice cube. [33:52 – 33:58] And I drank it, and I drank it many, many times thereafter, [33:58 – 34:04] to the point and extent that when I came to out of a blackout and a drunk, [34:04 – 34:10] my concern was not whether the liquor store or the gym were open, [34:10 – 34:14] but was the drugstore open. [34:14 – 34:20] And I used to walk into the place, to the drugstore, limping, [34:20 – 34:25] and tell this guy I pulled a ligament or a muscle and I need some rubbing alcohol. [34:25 – 34:32] And so for 29 cents, I got enough to give me this wild, insane world [34:32 – 34:40] that I was creating for myself, and I found a thought I needed. [34:40 – 34:48] Because at this point, I couldn’t bear to live with me. [34:48 – 34:51] I knew what was happening, really. [34:51 – 34:59] And I had been fortunate enough to be introduced to this program. [34:59 – 35:04] I attended some meetings, and I looked at our 12 suggested steps, [35:04 – 35:12] and from the second through the twelfth, it was wonderful, particularly the second. [35:12 – 35:20] But when I heard a speaker discourse or talk about the first drink for an alcoholic, [35:20 – 35:27] I mentally left, and I closed it off, because I was powerless over nothing, [35:27 – 35:32] I thought, much less one drink of alcohol. [35:32 – 35:35] And so, of course, I continued to get drunk, [35:35 – 35:40] and I continued, fortunately for me, to come back to AA. [35:40 – 35:46] And it wasn’t so much what I heard here or what people told me, [35:46 – 35:52] but I’m sure it was the power of example that I had to accept and believe, [35:52 – 35:57] because I knew people were staying sober, and more importantly, [35:57 – 36:02] they were staying sober and they were living happily. [36:02 – 36:09] And so I came back, and when they suggested that I make a surrender [36:09 – 36:16] and embrace this fellowship and its suggestions, I wouldn’t. [36:16 – 36:21] In my arrogant pride, I thought I could do this myself, [36:21 – 36:26] and I had recourse to, not to shortchange any of these elements, [36:26 – 36:36] but my faith, to doctors, to psychiatry, but never the suggested way of AA. [36:36 – 36:41] And so I went the full course for me in this short time. [36:41 – 36:46] I continued to drink this poison, and when I couldn’t find rubbing alcohol, [36:46 – 36:50] I looked for any bottle with a label on it with an alcoholic content, [36:50 – 36:55] including aftershave lotion, Vitalis air tonic, [36:55 – 37:00] and I don’t suggest that because it leaves that perfumey, oily taste in your tonsils, [37:00 – 37:05] and it’s pretty miserable. [37:05 – 37:14] But I was fortunate to continue to come back here, and it took me quite a while, [37:14 – 37:21] but I believe I had to go all the way to learn one very important lesson, [37:21 – 37:28] and that lesson I live with today in my life, or try to, [37:28 – 37:35] that there is a higher power for me, and that this power is manifested in other people. [37:35 – 37:38] For example, in the beginning I would come to AA, [37:38 – 37:43] and if I had a cigarette and didn’t have a light, I wouldn’t ask you for a match. [37:43 – 37:46] I wouldn’t ask for anything. [37:46 – 37:50] But I realize today that this is how I had to get sober, [37:50 – 37:53] and this is how I have to continue to stay sober. [37:53 – 37:55] I must ask. [37:55 – 38:03] And it’s really not important who it is, as long as he’s an alcoholic and as long as he’s sober. [38:03 – 38:10] And I had to have my last drunk, too, by the grace of God, and I thank him for it. [38:10 – 38:12] It was a rough one. [38:12 – 38:21] It was one that made me very sick, and I literally, I believe, heard the angel’s wings. [38:21 – 38:27] I had been drinking rubbing alcohol and God knows what else. [38:27 – 38:36] And when I came out of this thing, something very simply and very forcibly happened to me. [38:36 – 38:49] It was a simple realization, finally, that if I had not taken one drink last week or last month, [38:49 – 38:55] I could not possibly be here like this now. [38:55 – 39:04] And when I raised my head up out of my own blood and dirt, something else happened. [39:04 – 39:18] This terrific pedestal of the egotistical will that I had set myself on came crashing down, thank God. [39:18 – 39:24] And the willing helping hands in this fellowship that were before unable to reach me, [39:24 – 39:29] because I was so high on this thing, were now ready and able to. [39:29 – 39:39] And this thing came over me, again, very simply, that I still had this mighty free will. [39:39 – 39:42] I could still choose. [39:42 – 39:45] I still had a choice. [39:45 – 39:49] And so I think it was a free one. [39:49 – 40:00] I was sick, yes, and I thought I may be dying, but the choice I made was free and the one I wanted. [40:00 – 40:06] And when I asked for the help that I knew was here, it came. [40:06 – 40:13] And I was able to make a surrender completely without any further reservation, [40:13 – 40:20] because I think I complied and became disposed to the condition as stated in our preamble, [40:20 – 40:28] that finally I had an honest desire to stop drinking. [40:28 – 40:37] I can’t go into the wonderful things we have received from this program. [40:37 – 40:50] I must learn through many happenings in my sober life that I must accept the things I can’t change. [40:50 – 40:54] I mentioned that I’m an alcoholic and I tried to qualify. [40:54 – 41:01] I believe I’m also a rebel by nature, and that I rebelled in alcohol. [41:01 – 41:07] I choose to accept life and what came with it. [41:07 – 41:16] And so in sobriety, as our prayer reads, the things I can’t change I must accept. [41:16 – 41:22] In the early part of the year we had a personal sudden and tragic loss. [41:22 – 41:25] We lost our 18-year-old son. [41:25 – 41:38] Now, within minutes and for many, many hours thereafter, my friends were with me and my wife, [41:38 – 41:43] and they really didn’t say anything, and they didn’t have to, [41:43 – 41:52] because their silent strength sustained me and reminded me, as I have often said and still believe, [41:52 – 41:59] the worst thing that can happen to me this day is to pick up a drink of alcohol. [41:59 – 42:05] And with their help, we came through that, and it gave me something else, [42:05 – 42:13] a wonderful awareness, a real-life feeling of love and gratitude and hope [42:13 – 42:21] in the people that I live with and share my problem with. [42:21 – 42:32] I am about finished, except, again, I want to thank God for his gift to me this day, and that’s what it is. [42:32 – 42:35] I didn’t buy it, and I certainly couldn’t earn it. [42:35 – 42:39] I simply became disposed to receive it. [42:39 – 42:45] I want to thank the Fellowship of AA for helping me to maintain it. [42:45 – 42:52] And on this occasion, I want to thank Bill for being our first instrument of this wonderful grace, [42:52 – 42:55] and thank you all for your kind attention. [42:55 – 43:13] Thank you. [43:13 – 43:14] Thank you, Bill. [43:14 – 43:19] Thank you so very much for sharing your story of recovery with us. [43:19 – 43:26] The fifth chapter in the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, tells how this program works [43:26 – 43:36] and that our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. [43:36 – 43:55] And to share her story with us now is our next speaker from Ashburnham, Massachusetts, Marge Dee. [43:55 – 43:56] Thank you. [43:56 – 43:58] My name is Marge. [43:58 – 44:03] I’m an alcoholic and a member of the Nog Cake group in Ashburnham. [44:03 – 44:11] And because I feel I’m among friends who understand, I’m going to let you in on a confidential secret. [44:11 – 44:19] I think I need a drink. [44:19 – 44:27] I’d like to say, before I start, it’s customary to tell your drinking story and then to tell what AA has done for you. [44:27 – 44:37] And I must confess I’m a little nervous, so before I start into my story, I’d like to say the things that I want to say so badly tonight. [44:37 – 44:42] I’d like to thank Bill personally for giving me my life and my sanity. [44:42 – 44:49] I’d like to thank everybody in Alcoholics Anonymous, because I don’t mean to be melodramatic, [44:49 – 44:56] but I’m sure if it wasn’t for Alcoholics Anonymous, I would either be dead or in a mental institution. [44:56 – 45:01] And I am very pleased to be here, and I want to thank the committee for asking me. [45:01 – 45:05] I wouldn’t say I was excited when I found out I was going to be the speaker here, [45:05 – 45:14] but John W. called me from New York at 12 o’clock one night, and I put in calls that night to Bill C. from Boston, [45:14 – 45:23] to Fred F. in Washington, and to my attorney, who was at a convention in Miami, Florida. [45:23 – 45:28] And I got everybody out of bed at 12.30 to tell them how excited I was. [45:28 – 45:35] And I’d like to congratulate the committee on the terrific banquet here. It’s been the greatest. [45:35 – 45:44] Now, at AA, it’s customary to tell what alcohol did to you and what AA has done for you. [45:44 – 45:49] There are none of us, certainly, who speak as experts or entertainers or orators. [45:49 – 45:56] I speak at an AA meeting because it’s my way of giving back to the program some of what I have taken from it. [45:56 – 46:01] We tell people when they come into AA, if you think you’re having trouble with alcohol, [46:01 – 46:07] if you don’t like your way of life, this is the place where you can do something about it. [46:07 – 46:11] Now, everybody has a different idea of what a way of life is. [46:11 – 46:16] I read not too long ago about a man who spent his life making money. [46:16 – 46:22] He was on his deathbed, and he said to his wife, I know I’m going to die. Would you do me a favor? [46:22 – 46:27] I’d like to have my Cadillac gold-plated, and I’d like to be buried in it. [46:27 – 46:34] And so he died, and she said, well, if that’s his last wish, at least I should grant it. [46:34 – 46:39] So she had the Cadillac gold-plated, and they strapped the corpse behind the steering wheel. [46:40 – 46:47] They had a special cemetery lot. They had equipment there to lower the gold-plated Cadillac into the ground. [46:47 – 46:51] And they had some workers there to fill in around the edges. [46:51 – 46:57] And as they were lowering the corpse into the ground, one of the workers looked at the other, and he said, [46:57 – 47:00] man, ain’t that really living? [47:12 – 47:16] So if you’re new, we have no idea what your way of life might be. [47:16 – 47:22] But if you don’t like it, and you’re drinking too much, this is the place to do something about it. [47:23 – 47:30] Now, I started drinking when I was about 17, and I was a social drinker for about the first 20 minutes of my drinking. [47:34 – 47:39] I didn’t get into any trouble until I was 18, and then I got married. [47:41 – 47:46] And for about 10 years, I did what I consider controlled drinking. [47:46 – 47:51] But the last three and a half years of my drinking were a hell on earth. [47:51 – 47:59] And I don’t want to go into vivid detail, but like so many other alcoholics, I inadvertently got hooked on pills. [47:59 – 48:03] I became a daily drinker who went on benders. [48:03 – 48:08] And I went to a doctor, and I told him about my weight problem. [48:08 – 48:10] I was getting very bloated. [48:10 – 48:14] And he gave me dexedrine to cut down on my weight. [48:14 – 48:17] Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever taken dexedrine and drank. [48:17 – 48:21] But what happens is you go out into space without a capsule. [48:22 – 48:27] And one of the main complaints of an alcoholic is the inability to sleep. [48:27 – 48:32] Now, if you’re drinking and you take dexedrine, you might as well forget sleeping. [48:32 – 48:37] And so I went to another doctor, and I told him about my sleep problem. [48:37 – 48:41] And he gave me Bebituaz so that I could sleep. [48:42 – 48:44] Now I had a major problem. [48:44 – 48:47] I had to know whether it was night or day. [48:56 – 49:01] And believe me, in those days, that took a lot of thinking and a lot of figuring out. [49:01 – 49:05] And then I had a third doctor that I used as a spare. [49:05 – 49:12] I rationalized that I had so many troubles, I didn’t want to burden one doctor with all my troubles. [49:12 – 49:15] So I divided them among three. [49:15 – 49:19] Sometimes I would make a mistake and take the dexedrine at night, [49:19 – 49:23] and then I want to talk on the telephone at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning. [49:23 – 49:31] You have no idea how unfriendly civilians can be at 3 o’clock in the morning. [49:31 – 49:35] And this is not the way to win friends and influence people. [49:35 – 49:39] But through the excessive use of alcohol, [49:39 – 49:46] until naturally I had passed the tolerance point into alcoholism and I didn’t realize it, [49:46 – 49:49] and I don’t think my family realized it. [49:49 – 49:51] I come from a very good family. [49:51 – 49:54] I’m the only alcoholic. The rest of them are all drunk. [50:01 – 50:15] I’m Irish from Boston, so you know this is true. [50:15 – 50:22] And so certainly my family didn’t think that I was alcoholic. [50:22 – 50:26] But now alcohol, some people think that alcohol is a stimulant, [50:26 – 50:29] but actually alcohol is a depressant drug. [50:29 – 50:38] And through the excessive use of pills and alcohol, I got so that I hated myself. [50:38 – 50:43] I can stand here tonight and tell my story in I hope a humorous manner, [50:43 – 50:46] but when I look back on being in my room, [50:46 – 50:52] and incidentally I became a wino all by myself without even being in the weeds or anywhere, [50:52 – 50:58] my own bedroom, I drank musky dew, you know. [50:58 – 51:03] When I came into AA and I heard about winos, I said, ooh. [51:03 – 51:12] I drank muscatel because I read somewhere where it had less calorie contents than other alcoholic beverages. [51:12 – 51:14] Isn’t that a doozy? [51:14 – 51:21] But toward the end of my drinking, you know the pattern. [51:21 – 51:24] I was full of resentments. I hated the world. [51:24 – 51:26] I hated everybody around me. [51:26 – 51:29] I couldn’t stand my husband. [51:29 – 51:30] I couldn’t stand my child. [51:30 – 51:31] I couldn’t stand my family. [51:31 – 51:33] I couldn’t stand myself. [51:33 – 51:35] That’s where the problem was. [51:35 – 51:40] And my son would come home from school and I would be locked in the bedroom drinking. [51:40 – 51:42] I’d say, change your clothes and go out and play. [51:42 – 51:44] Mommy’s got a headache. [51:44 – 51:48] Three days later when I come out of the room, my son acts funny toward me. [51:48 – 51:49] I called my mother up. [51:49 – 51:53] I said, you know, with all my other problems, I have a son that doesn’t act quite right. [51:53 – 51:58] I think it’s because his father’s a state of Maine-er and they’re all queer from down there anyway. [51:58 – 52:11] I’d rather blame the state of Maine than blame alcohol on any of my troubles. [52:11 – 52:19] But I became so depressed from the excessive use of alcohol that I decided to do away with myself [52:20 – 52:26] and I attempted suicide and I hope it’s obvious tonight I wasn’t successful. [52:26 – 52:29] But they sent me to a psychiatrist. [52:29 – 52:32] Now, I have nothing against psychiatry in general. [52:32 – 52:42] There’s just one I’d like to get. [52:42 – 52:47] He turned me over to his psychologist and they gave me three days of testing [52:47 – 52:51] and they ascertained I was a suicidal depressive [52:51 – 52:55] and they told my family if they would lock me up and give me shock treatments, [52:55 – 52:57] they would change my attitude. [52:57 – 53:02] And so I was locked up for 30 days and had 17 electric shock treatments [53:02 – 53:04] and weave a few baskets. [53:04 – 53:11] I’m not a basket weaver by profession. [53:11 – 53:15] And they were successful in what they said they would do [53:15 – 53:35] because I went into the hospital suicidal, I came out homicidal. [53:35 – 53:37] You’re hanging me on. [53:37 – 53:40] The committee asked me to speak only for 15 to 20 minutes [53:40 – 53:41] and I’m a ham. [53:41 – 53:46] You keep this up, you’ll never shut me up. [53:46 – 53:49] But it’s true, I came out suicidal. [53:49 – 53:52] I was determined I was going to get that doctor. [53:52 – 53:56] But since then my resentment has lessened a little. [53:56 – 53:58] I rearrange it every so often. [53:58 – 54:01] I haven’t let it go yet. [54:01 – 54:05] But now it’s interesting that I’ve been to doctors, [54:05 – 54:09] I’ve been to one of the leading psychiatrists in Boston [54:09 – 54:15] and at least he thinks he is. [54:15 – 54:19] And still no one has mentioned alcohol, [54:19 – 54:24] yet every time that I went to that psychiatrist I was drunk. [54:24 – 54:29] I don’t know about him, but I was. [54:29 – 54:32] And I have a perverted sense of humor, I think. [54:32 – 54:35] In fact, it cost me two more shock treatments. [54:35 – 54:38] I got out after 15 and they sent me back. [54:38 – 54:41] And, you know, I was locked up with some people who were experts [54:41 – 54:43] and I listened to them. [54:43 – 54:46] And they told me when you have that inkblot test [54:46 – 54:48] that you should see something, [54:48 – 54:51] that when you don’t see anything it means that you’re depressed. [54:51 – 54:55] So when they gave it to me when I got out of the hospital, [54:55 – 55:01] I saw a picture of a woman that might have been rear two, walking away, you know. [55:01 – 55:05] And I said to the psychologist, that looks like my mother, rear two. [55:05 – 55:07] And he said to me, no head. [55:07 – 55:22] And I said, when did you meet my mother? [55:22 – 55:30] And he started writing and I got two more shock treatments. [55:30 – 55:34] Now, I came to AA after all this. [55:34 – 55:39] I was sitting in a bar one day and a fellow community audit ginger ale. [55:39 – 55:43] Now, I’ve read a lot of psychology when I was drinking [55:43 – 55:49] and I observe abnormal behavior patterns. [55:49 – 55:54] And when he audited ginger ale, I thought it was very interesting, you know, straight. [55:54 – 55:58] And I questioned him about this abnormal behavior pattern of his. [55:58 – 56:01] And he told me he was going to AA. [56:01 – 56:07] And I know tonight it was the grace of God, but on a lock I said I’d like to go to AA. [56:07 – 56:12] And I didn’t think I was an alcoholic because everybody I surrounded myself with now [56:12 – 56:14] drank the way that I drank. [56:14 – 56:21] And I thought that living, that life in general and the people around me were unmanageable. [56:21 – 56:25] If they would just leave me alone and not pick on me, I would be all right. [56:25 – 56:27] But my husband didn’t feel that way. [56:27 – 56:32] That very night that I said I would go to an AA meeting, he threw me out of the house. [56:32 – 56:34] I can remember his words. [56:34 – 56:38] He came home and he said, I can’t go on living with a drunk any longer. [56:38 – 56:41] Either you get out of the house or I get out. [56:41 – 56:46] And the last two and a half years of my drinking, I kept a suitcase packed constantly [56:46 – 56:49] because I’ve been thrown out before. [56:49 – 56:54] And when I come into AA, I find out I have worn out luggage and I haven’t been anywhere. [56:58 – 57:05] So I left and I was living in a furnished apartment all by myself when I went to my first AA meeting. [57:05 – 57:10] And it was here at an AA meeting that I discovered I might be an alcoholic. [57:10 – 57:15] Nobody has mentioned to me through all this treatment that alcohol might be my problem. [57:15 – 57:22] And at my first AA meeting, when I heard people laugh at themselves, this impressed me tremendously. [57:22 – 57:24] And I got some hope. [57:24 – 57:31] And as I remember it, I called my mother up and I said, Mom, I think I’m an alcoholic. [57:31 – 57:33] She said, You’re a nut. [57:33 – 57:35] And she hung up the phone. [57:35 – 57:41] And I think the reason I kept going to AA was my family didn’t want me to. [57:42 – 57:48] My mother said, Haven’t you done enough to disgrace the family now? [57:55 – 57:59] Now you’re going to associate with that crowd of drunks. [57:59 – 58:05] After I’d been sober about six months, I prevailed upon my mother to come to an AA meeting. [58:05 – 58:08] And she was amazed. [58:08 – 58:10] You know, the women had their hair combed. [58:10 – 58:12] The men had neckties on. [58:12 – 58:15] All of them were sitting straight up in the chairs. [58:15 – 58:20] And so I wouldn’t say my mother’s curious, but she likes to know what’s going on, you know. [58:20 – 58:24] So I would take her, like, to anniversaries or a meeting like this. [58:24 – 58:26] And she’d say to me, Is that one an alcoholic? [58:26 – 58:28] Is that one an alcoholic? [58:28 – 58:29] How about that one? [58:29 – 58:32] I said, Mom, you can look around the room and pick out the alcoholics. [58:32 – 58:36] You look around and you see somebody who’s very harassed looking. [58:36 – 58:40] They’ve got deep lines on their face and big circles under their eyes. [58:40 – 58:42] They’re very nervous. [58:42 – 58:43] They’re scratching themselves. [58:43 – 58:44] They’re biting their fingernails. [58:44 – 58:46] You know, they can’t sit still. [58:46 – 58:49] That’s the person that’s living with the alcoholic. [58:49 – 58:51] You look beside them. [58:51 – 59:09] You look beside them and you’ll find the alcoholic. [59:09 – 59:14] Now, since I got sober, my mother’s had a change of attitude. [59:14 – 59:19] My mother went to AA meetings and has become very impressed. [59:19 – 59:24] And I’d like to say that she came over here tonight and she’s right down here over there. [59:24 – 59:39] Mom, would you stand up? [59:39 – 59:43] Now, the reason I did that was for your benefit, to help you, [59:43 – 59:47] because as I started taking my mother to AA meetings and speaking, [59:47 – 59:50] she would come running up to me afterwards and say, [59:50 – 59:52] that one over there says you’re doing very good. [59:52 – 59:54] That one over there says you’re very good. [59:54 – 59:58] I said to myself, how come all these people are coming up to my mother and saying this? [59:58 – 60:01] So I had someone follow her around. [60:01 – 60:04] She has a habit, after the meeting she’ll come up to you and say, [60:04 – 60:20] how did you like the woman speaker? [60:20 – 60:25] In case you have any derogatory remarks, she’s wearing a blue chiffon dress [60:25 – 60:30] and I suggest you don’t say them to her. [60:30 – 60:35] But I would like to say that, again, that if it wasn’t for Alcoholics Anonymous, [60:35 – 60:37] I’d either be dead or in a mental institution. [60:37 – 60:41] I learned in here a new way of life completely for me. [60:41 – 60:43] I learned a new way to pray. [60:43 – 60:48] And this story exemplifies what I’ve learned in AA so very well. [60:48 – 60:53] It’s about a man who was very, very religious and he used to pray fervently. [60:53 – 60:58] And three times a day he would lock himself in his room and he would pray like this. [60:58 – 61:03] He would say, dear God, how come nothing good ever happens to me? [61:03 – 61:10] I have no job, I have bad health, I have no money, and yet I pray to you day after day. [61:10 – 61:12] Why, God, why? [61:12 – 61:20] My brother down the street has a wonderful health, a lovely family, a good job, a lot of money, [61:20 – 61:24] and I don’t think he ever takes your name except in blasphemy. [61:24 – 61:26] Why, God, why? [61:26 – 61:29] Three times a day he prayed like this fervently. [61:29 – 61:35] Finally, one day in the solitude of his room, a voice came to him and it said, [61:35 – 61:39] whatever faults your brother might have, at least he’s not a nagger. [61:39 – 61:58] And I found out before AA that this was the way I prayed. [61:58 – 61:59] I nagged. [61:59 – 62:04] And I learned in here that I’ve got to accept the good and the bad things. [62:04 – 62:08] Now, I think I’m going over my time, and I always feel bad when I speak [62:08 – 62:12] because there’s so very much to tell about Alcoholics Anonymous. [62:12 – 62:15] The 12 steps to me are perfect. [62:15 – 62:18] The principles of AA are terrific. [62:18 – 62:21] The program has given me, I wouldn’t care if I died. [62:21 – 62:23] That is very unimportant. [62:23 – 62:28] But the people that I have to see who are living without their sanity, [62:28 – 62:30] this is the pathetic part. [62:30 – 62:33] This is the thing that happens to us alcoholics. [62:33 – 62:38] And I feel very privileged to stand here on this platform beside Bill [62:38 – 62:45] and know that it was because of his belief 35 years ago that I am alive [62:45 – 62:47] and have my sanity today. [62:47 – 62:51] Now, I might say when I came into AA some 10 years ago, [62:51 – 62:55] after having the shock treatments and the pills and the liquor, [62:55 – 62:58] there were people who used to avoid me. [62:58 – 63:02] They used to say, you know, there’s more wrong with her than alcohol. [63:02 – 63:06] And now, some nine years later, I still have some friends who say, [63:06 – 63:09] you know, there’s more wrong with her than alcohol. [63:09 – 63:11] But it doesn’t show so much now. [63:11 – 63:14] And for this, I’m very grateful. [63:14 – 63:18] And again, I want to thank you. [63:18 – 63:22] And I want to say that I would love to be able to explain Alcoholics Anonymous, [63:22 – 63:25] and I’m afraid I get into my drinking too much. [63:25 – 63:27] But if you’re new or if you’re looking it over, [63:27 – 63:30] I think this is the miracle of this century. [63:30 – 63:35] I think it’s the very best approach to sobriety that anyone ever could find. [63:35 – 63:37] I read criticism about AA. [63:37 – 63:40] It says they get to be fanatics. [63:40 – 63:42] Well, maybe some of us do. [63:42 – 63:48] Why wouldn’t we be fanatic about a program that has given us back our sanity and our life? [63:48 – 63:52] I think we, above all other people, have a right to be fanatic about this thing. [63:52 – 63:55] I think it’s the very greatest. [63:55 – 63:59] And I’d like to close in the way that I close every meeting. [63:59 – 64:04] It says, I know not by what method’s rare, but this I know, God answers prayer. [64:04 – 64:08] I know not when he sends the word that tells us fervent prayer is heard. [64:08 – 64:13] I know it cometh soon or late, therefore we need to pray and wait. [64:13 – 64:18] I know not if the blessings sought will come in just the way I thought. [64:18 – 64:22] I leave my prayers with him alone, whose will is wiser than my own. [64:22 – 64:24] God bless you all. [64:24 – 64:47] Thank you. [64:47 – 64:51] Thank you so very much, Marge. [64:51 – 64:55] And who says we alcoholics aren’t happy people?