Full Transcript

I never could use it before. In my chase for money, power, prestige, sex, and what I thought were the good things of life, those feelings had to be repressed to let me operate on a level I wanted to. Now that the resentment’s gone, they automatically come to the surface. Damnedest thing I ever saw. Nothing complicated about it. Very simple procedure. But it would do me no good to get rid of the resentments if I didn’t know how to keep them from coming back, because the world is full of sick people.

And they’re going to do it to me again tomorrow. If I’m not careful, I’ll let myself resent. And I can’t have just one. When I get one, next thing you know, I’ve got two. And then they begin to double up, and I’ve got four and eight and sixteen and thirty-two, and I’m a basket case all over again. We’ve got to do one more thing on resentments before we’re through for the day. Let’s go back to page 67.

Now then, let’s open up our review of resentment thing, and let’s uncover columns four and five. In the middle paragraph on page 67, it says, referring to our list again. See, that’s why you’ve got to have a written inventory. We’re going to have to look at it one more time. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Man, we’ve never done this before.

We’ve looked to see what they’ve done to us. Never have we looked at our own mistakes. Or had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a situation not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man’s. And we saw our faults. We listed them. We placed them before us in black and white.

We admitted our wrongs honestly, and we’re willing to set these matters straight. So I go back to the inventory sheet. I go to this name Barbara. And I say, OK, Charlie, you forget the fact that she’s filed for divorce three times in one year. You go to column four. And in column four, you put down, what did you do, if anything, to set this thing in motion? To cause her. The guy up here says, I married her in the first place.

What did I do to maybe cause her to file for divorce three times in one year? If you’ll notice, column four is headed up, putting out of mind the wrongs of others done. I resolutely look for my own mistakes. What did I do, if anything, to set in motion trains of circumstances, which in turn caused people and institutions to hurt me, and eventually led to my resentment of them for doing so? I said, OK, Charlie, now forget what Barbara did, the three divorces. What did you do, if anything, to set that in motion?

It took me about five seconds. And if I hadn’t been out there screwing around, I wouldn’t have got caught. And if I hadn’t have got caught, she probably wouldn’t have filed for divorce in the first place. Some people call it adultery. I just call it screwing around. About another five seconds, I said, if I hadn’t been sneaking around behind her back and lying to her all the time, she might not have filed for divorce in the first place.

Another five or ten seconds, and I could say, if I hadn’t been blowing all of her money on what I thought was important, and completely ignoring my wife and children what they needed, maybe she wouldn’t have filed for divorce in the first place. And when I saw that, it like to blew my mind. And I could see why I loved that resentment against Barbara. Because you see, what I had done did things to hurt her.

And she in turn retaliated against me and created pain and suffering for me. And I resented her for doing so. And every time I played that resentment over in my head, I distorted the picture just a little bit. And every time I played it over, I made what she did a little worse and what I did just a little bit less. And let me play it long enough, I can transfer all blame to her. And she becomes the devil and I become as pure as the driven snow.

If you’re a practicing alcoholic, you’ve got to develop those kind of skills.

[00:05:06]

I don’t think you and I could live with ourselves when we’re out there doing our thing, if we had to see the real truth behind it. But you see, we don’t have to. We have this little thing called resentments. And we play it over and over and over and distort the picture and make them worse and make us better. And eventually we transfer all blame to them and it’s all their damn fault in the first place.

I said, Internal Revenue Service, now you forget them trying to put you in jail. What did you do to cause this in the first place? Well, hell, I was cheating on my income tax. And they caught me at it. And rather than admit that I’m a liar and a thief and a cheat, I would rather play that thing over and over in my head and transfer all blame to them and make myself as pure as the driven snow. And when I do that, I don’t have to change.

That lets me go ahead and live the kind of life I was wanting to live. And we men go from woman to woman to woman. You ladies go from man to man to man. We go from job to job to job, city to city to city, state to state to state, and it’s always their damn fault. We couldn’t live with ourselves if we didn’t have the ability to do that. So the first time in the fourth column I really looked to see the truth behind that resentment, to see what I had done to set that thing in motion.

And then in the fifth column it says, Where had I been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened, and inconsiderate? Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did or caused me to want to hold on to the old resentment even though I may have done nothing to cause it? In this deal with Barbara, was I displaying selfishness when I was out there committing adultery and doing the things I was doing?

You bet you I was. Was I displaying dishonesty in my dealings with her? You bet you I was. Was I self-seeking and frightened in those conditions? Oh yeah, I was getting close to 40 years old. And I was saying to myself, Man, if you don’t get out there and get some of that now, you’ll be too old. Fear drives us to do things that we normally would not do. Was I inconsiderate of my wife and my children when I was out there doing my you bet I was?

I could have cared less about what they thought. For the first time I began to see the type of personality that I had developed during my years of running a life run on self-will. And I could begin to see that I had become a very selfish human being, a very dishonest human being, a very self-seeking, frightened human being, a very inconsiderate human being. Those are the four basic character defects that Bill talks about in the big book.

All the others stem from those four. With the Internal Revenue Service, was I selfish in that consideration? You bet I could care less about whether they got their money or not. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Was I dishonest? You better bet I was. And I went down through every one of those resentments and in the fourth column I listed which character defect was involved. And for the first time I could see, I could see that if I don’t change some of this stuff, if I stay selfish and dishonest and self-seeking and frightened, that I’m going to keep right on doing the same old things I’ve always done.

I’m going to keep right on hurting people and institutions. And they’re going to retaliate and I’m going to resent them for doing so and it’s going to block me from God and I’m going to get drunk over it. At the very least, I’m going to have to do something about those character defects if I want to live peaceful and happy and free in the future. Now we’re in the process of doing step four. And Wes, if you will, just up at the top of that sheet put number four.

In the fifth column I now see the exact nature of the wrong that I’m going to talk about to another human being in step five. The resentment is the wrong. That’s what blocks me off from God. But the exact nature of something is what is at the core of it? What’s the inherent characteristic of it? The exact nature of this wrong, this resentment against Barbara, is my own character defects.

[00:10:00]

That’s what we’re going to talk about in step five. The guy brings an inventory to me. I don’t care whether he’s committed adultery twice or 32 times. What I’m interested in is what’s within him that causes that in the first place. That’s what we’ll have to work on. That’s what we’ll have to find as the character defect to get rid of it in the future. I don’t care how many times he’s stolen. I’m interested in what’s at the core of that.

What’s within him that causes that? And invariably every time it’s going to be selfish, or it’s going to be dishonest, or it’s going to be self-seeking, frightened, or it’s going to be inconsiderate. So I see the information in the fifth column that we’re going to talk about in step five. In the fifth column I now see the character defects that I’m going to be willing to turn loose of in six, knowing if I don’t they’re going to get me drunk.

In the fifth column I now see the shortcomings I’m going to ask God to take away in step seven. In column one all these people I’ve hurt are going to come off of this list and be added to a sheet to be used later on for steps eight and nine. When we get to eight it says we’ve got the list, we made it, and we took step four. So we’ll put eight and nine in column one. I’ve set myself up with all the information I need now, resentment-wise, for four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine.

Did you ever see anything that simple? Did I get positive results? You bet you. The resentments disappeared. They’re replaced with peace of mind, serenity, happiness, patience, tolerance, goodwill toward my fellow man. There’s nothing negative about any of these action steps. Everyone brings a positive result to it. My resentments are gone. I’m in much less chance of drinking now than I was before I started the inventory process.

A very positive result. Now I hear some of you saying, and I hear good too, I hear some of you saying, Charlie, that’s probably true. For those people that we did something to harm them to set it in motion. But how about those people that hurt us and we didn’t have anything to do with it? How about those people that hurt us as kids growing up? How about the mental abuse, the physical abuse, the sexual abuse that we had as kids growing up?

Aren’t we justified in having that kind of resentment? I guess we are if we want to get drunk over it. But you see, a justified resentment controls your thinking, just like an unjustified resentment does. And if we’re resenting those people for what they’ve done to us in the past, we’ve given them the power to actually kill us. And it doesn’t make any sense to let somebody hurt me 5, 10, 15, or 20 years ago, and then let them hurt me every day for the rest of my life.

And if I’m resenting them, they’ve got me, and they’re going to kill me. And if I’ve got one of those, and knowing that it might get me drunk, and I don’t want to get rid of it, then for God’s sake I better look at it and see what I’m doing with it. Because I might be just like this lady in the book. I might be using it for rationalization and justification. To do things I shouldn’t be doing, and just as importantly, to not do things that I shouldn’t be doing.

She used her resentment against her mother to justify her lack of education. Boo! She could have gotten an education if she had wanted to. But it’s so much simpler to say, Well, I could have gotten an education if Mother hadn’t done that to me, and it’s all her fault. She used that resentment against her mother to justify her marital failure. Boo! Mama didn’t have anything to do with her marital failure.

She used that resentment against her mother to justify her alcoholism. Boo! I’ll tell you why she became alcoholic. She kept on drinking whiskey. Mama didn’t pour it down her. The greatest excuse in the world is, I could have been this, or I wouldn’t have to be doing this, if they hadn’t have done that to me, and it’s all their fault. We call that rationalization and justification. We don’t have room for that in AA.

We don’t have room for that. for that in AA. We don’t have room for that kind of crap. Because as long as it’s running

[00:15:02]

through our head, then we are depriving ourselves of God’s will. And we’re letting those people continue to hurt us every day for the rest of our life. If you’ve got one of those, put it on this paper. For God’s sake, put it on this paper. Put down their name. Put down what they did to us. Put down the part of self that was affected. Put down what did I do, if anything. In this case, nothing. But let’s go on to the fourth column. Are we using it for some selfish reason? Are we so dishonest with ourselves we refuse to see the real truth behind it? If you’ve got a resentment in your head today, believe me, it’s not true. Oh, it started with truth. But if you’ve played it over and over and over, you’ve distorted the picture and it’s really not true. Let’s look at it honestly and see if we’re seeing the truth behind it. If you’ve got one of those kinds of resentments you don’t want to get rid of it, does that mean we are self-seeking and frightened and afraid to face life without it? The greatest excuse is to use that to rationalize and justify.

If we get rid of it now, then we’re going to have to be responsible for the way we think and the way we feel. And we can’t blame Mama any longer. Are we so afraid to even face life without it we refuse to get rid of it? Are we so inconsiderate of another human being we fail to realize that the people that did those things to us, they’re not necessarily bad people. Hell, they’re sick people. And they didn’t necessarily do it to us. They would have done it to anybody in that position. We just happened to be the one that was in line for it. If we could even begin to consider that, then maybe we could begin to straighten up a relationship with another human being before it’s too late. Maybe at least we can get rid of that resentment and not let them hurt us every day for the rest of our life.

You know, this thing is absolutely amazing what it can do for us. And we can be completely free of every one of these resentments if we wish to. And if we got one and we’re not willing to get rid of it, we’ve got to be using it for some sick reason. Now be careful when you do this. Because if you really accept this, then that means from this day on you’re responsible for how you feel and what you think. I can’t blame it on Mother any longer.

Can’t blame it on Father. Can’t blame it on society and can’t blame it on God. If I’m still carrying resentments, the only person I can blame it on is me. Tomorrow morning you guys are going to be the most beautiful people in the world. Because you’re going to go home tonight and you’re going to work on your resentments. Tomorrow morning when you come in here, you’re going to be 100% resentment free. I can hardly wait until I see you tomorrow morning. Our next thing we’re going to look at in the fourth step will be fear and sex. I don’t know about you, but I’m too tired for sex today. Besides that I’ve got a headache. Let’s get a good night’s rest and we’ll have sex on Sunday morning.

Does that sound okay? That’s about the shortest introduction I’ve had in a long time. That’s great. Good morning everybody. My name is Charlie Parman. I’m a very grateful recovering alcoholic. Because I’m a member of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and by the grace of the power that I found through the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven’t found necessary to take a drink for 13,598 days today, one day at a time, and for this I’m very grateful. You guys look great this morning. Not a resentment left in the whole bunch, isn’t that something? How many of you went back to your room or your home or wherever you were staying last night and worked on at least one resentment? Could I see your hands? Oh yeah, a whole bunch of you did. How many of you got rid of at least one resentment?

Could I see your hands? Yeah. How many of you did I give a new resentment to yesterday afternoon? I used to have a friend from up in Detroit, a black lady named Holly. Holly

[00:20:05]

would tell people things they didn’t want to hear and then she’d say, well that’s tough titty baby but you need the milk. I always like to start each session if I can with a little story, just a kind of a little humor. This is Sunday morning and I always like to start a story with some kind of spirituality on Sunday morning. So I’ve got a little story about a new young priest. This new priest was so nervous during his first mass that he could barely speak. Before his second week in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor what he could do to relax himself. The Monsignor said it might help if you put some vodka in the water glass and after a few sips everything should be fine. The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and sure enough he was able to talk up a storm, no embarrassment, felt great. Upon returning to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignor which said, I suggest the following. Number one, next time sip at the water glass rather than gulp at it. Number two, there are ten commandments not twelve. Number three, there are twelve disciples not ten. Number four, David slew Goliath, he didn’t kick the shit out of him. Number five, we do not refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys. Number six, next week there’s a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s.

Not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. Number seven, we do not refer to the cross as the big T. Number eight, last but not least, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. That’s probably about as spiritual as we’ll get this morning. We spent quite a bit of time yesterday afternoon doing the resentment part of our fourth step and really when we did that fourth step using those forms that we have that came out of the big book we pretty well set up the pattern for doing the rest of the inventory itself. So what I’d like to do this morning for just a few minutes is kind of review that inventory sheet and the resentment thing and make sure that everybody’s thinking along the same way and then we’ll move right on in to the rest of the inventory and before you know it we’re going to kind of rack this thing up. It’ll go pretty fast from here on out after we once get through this particular part of it. We found out that resentment was the number one offender, that it destroys more alcoholics than anything else and the big book suggested that we take a look at these resentments and try to see the truth behind them and it gave us the example on page 64-65 and we filled out the inventory sheet according to the instructions that we found on page 64 and in column one it said we made a list of the people, institutions and principles with whom we were angry and we suggested we go from top to bottom filling this thing out one column at a time and for most of us we found out how many resentments we really did have. It’s impossible to see all the resentments in your mind at the same time. You can only see one at a time but when we listed them all on paper and saw them in entirety for the first time we began to realize how much resentments really do control and dominate our thinking and we made a decision to let God direct our thinking and the resentments do God count and it’s just that simple. The big book said then we go to column two and list why we were angry. So at the side of each name going from top to bottom we list down the cause of the anger using just a few simple little words, a few simple little terms

[00:25:04]

not trying to write any long essays or anything like that and we found as we filled out the second column that really we’re more mad at what they’ve done to us than who they are. We began to see that I could take Mr. Brown out and put Mr. Green in and I’d be just as mad at Green as I am Brown. I could take Mrs. Jones out, put Mrs. Smith in, I’d be just as mad at her if she does the same thing and we really began to realize it’s not the people and institutions we’re upset with, it’s what they’ve done to us that’s got us upset. That’s start getting names out of the picture, start getting names out of the way and we’re concentrating more on what they’ve done. Third column we put down the part of self that was affected and we found that we could not be mad at or resentful at another human being or an institution unless it was a threat to one of our basic instincts of life and we began to see how the basic instincts of life really do control us, really do dominate us. Most of us when we fill out the third column we’re going to begin to see certain patterns begin to develop.

We’ll begin to see the part of self we’re having the most trouble with. If we keep on checking self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem, then apparently we got a real problem with our self-esteem. One of us it may be we’ll be checking, writing in security, security, security and we’ll see that our fear of the future and etc. is our major problem. Another person might keep writing in sex, sex, sex and sex and sex is the major problem.

It’s going to be a combination of all three. Usually each one of us will be able to see one of those basic instincts really standing out and see which one gives us the most problem and the most trouble. Third column we begin to realize where anger comes from. Most of us have always had a problem with anger, reacted in anger and said and did things we were ashamed of, never could do anything about it because we didn’t know where it came from. We finally begin to realize it comes from a threat to one of these basic instincts of life. If my relationship with God is right, if my instincts are under control, then I find that I don’t have to be angry at what people say and what they do. But sure enough if my relationship with God isn’t right, my instincts are not under control, then I blow my stack and romp and stomp with anger. Anger is one of those things that people like us cannot afford.

That’s the kind of thing that ends up getting us drunk and if we can learn to live without that anger, my God, we’re much better off. I never could do that until I began to look into that third column and began to talk about the basic instincts of life. After we fill those three columns out, as the book says, we went back and took a look at that and we began to realize how much time we’ve really wasted in resentments. We began to realize that those resentments, even though they looked good in our head and felt good in our head, hell they never did do us any good whatsoever. We never made any money out of it, never made us feel better, never straightened up a relationship, it just made things worse and worse and worse. We found that most of us spent literally thousands of hours in resentments and actually it was complete wasted time. But we found out that wasn’t the worst thing about it. The worst thing about it was, and the book says, when harboring such resentments, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit and shut off from God, we don’t feel good. And our mind begins to seek relief and the next thing you know, we’re thinking about taking a drink in order to feel better and we end up drunk all over again. Resentments are the number one offender. They may be the dubious luxury, but normal men. But for we alcoholics, these resentments are absolute poison. They kill us faster than anything else does. When we can really see that and we begin to see how we’ve let people control and dominate our thinking throughout our entire lifetime, through our resentments toward them, that began to look kind of dumb and kind of stupid. We always thought we had it under control. Nobody told us what to do. We didn’t need their advice.

We didn’t need their advice, and we began to realize all we’ve ever done is respond to people,

[00:30:01]

and through our resentments toward them, they controlled how we thought, they controlled how we acted, they controlled our lives for us, and that began to look so stupid, about 95% of those resentments, which looked so good prior to that time, began to look so dumb, that about 95% of them just automatically began to disappear, when we saw the stupidity behind the things. Those that were deeply embedded that didn’t disappear automatically, we found that we could use prayer and get rid of those resentments, and we could be resentment-free to the level that God intended for us to be, and as our mind, as our resentments left our mind, our little store up here, something else had to come in and take its place, and the only thing that could take its place would be the opposite of it, and where my mind used to be filled with resentments, that portion of my mind now is filled with love, patience, tolerance, compassion, goodwill toward my fellow man. That’s God’s thinking, and it automatically comes to the surface.

We didn’t have to read any other books or go to any other fellowships to get that kind of thinking, it’s always been a part of our makeup. We just never could use it before. In our chase for money, power, prestige, sex, and etc., those things had to be repressed to let us operate on the level we wanted to operate on. So automatically we begin to feel better. Automatically the personality begins to change as we do these things with the resentments. The final thing we had to do was go back to those resentments one more time and look to see the part that we had played in that resentment, and we went into that fourth column, and we put down, well, what did I do to set this thing in motion in the first place? Well, the book says we invariably find we’ve made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So I look at each resentment carefully to see what I did, and I found in nearly all cases I did something to hurt them. They in turn retaliated against me and created pain and suffering for me.

I in turn resented them for doing so, and every time I played the resentment over in my head, I made what they did a little worse and what I did a little less, and eventually I became as pure as the driven snow, and I could go ahead and live life the way I wanted to without having to change. That’s why I loved those resentments, because I didn’t have to take any responsibility for the things that I had done to hurt other people and to hurt institutions and etc.

Like, it blew my mind when I saw that. Then I looked into the fifth column, and I looked to see that the character defect involved in my personality that caused me to do those things to hurt others, and I began to see where I’d become a very selfish human being, and if I didn’t do something about that selfishness, I was going to keep right on doing the same old things and hurting people, and they would retaliate, and I would resent, and I would end up drunk. I began to see where I’d become a very dishonest human being, not just cash register honesty, but honesty in all my dealings with other human beings and even with myself.

I began to see where I was a very self-seeking, frightened human being, and because of that self-seeking, frightened condition, I would do things I shouldn’t be doing, and just as importantly, I wouldn’t do things I needed to do. I began to see where I was a very inconsiderate human being, and due to that inconsideration, I cared nothing about others continually hurting other people, and I began to see if I don’t change some of that, then sure enough in the future, I’ll just keep right on doing the same old things, keep right on getting in trouble and hot water all the time, be scared to death, and eventually end up drinking over it, and I think we finished up by saying we were doing step four at the present time, the resentment part, and we put a little four up at the top of the sheet, and then we looked in the fifth column, and we could see now in the fifth column those things that we were going to talk about in step five, the exact nature of the wrong.

The wrong was the resentment, but what’s at the core of it? What’s within me that caused that? That’s what we’ll talk about in step five. Also in column five, I saw the character defects that I’m going to be willing to turn loose of, knowing if I don’t, then I don’t stand a chance, and I’ll be willing to turn them loose in step six.

[00:35:04]

In column five, I saw the shortcomings I’m going to ask God to take away in step seven, and then quite naturally, in my case, all the names in column one, in your case, maybe just part of them, but in my case, all the names in column one were people and institutions who I had harmed when I was out there doing my thing, so they came off of the list and be added to a list to be used later on for steps eight and nine. We get to step eight. The book says we got the list. We made it, and we took step four, so really, I have given myself all the information I need now for steps four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine, resentment-wise, and I’m ready now.

Not only have I given myself all the information I needed, I’ve been able to get rid of those resentments, and they’ve been replaced by love, patience, tolerance, etc., a very positive happening. Now, we don’t want to try to give you the idea, though, that you can always be 100% resentment-free. God never gave us anything bad. It depends on how we use things as to whether they’re bad or not. A resentment used correctly can be used for a worthwhile purpose. For instance, if somebody says or does something to me that threatens my self-esteem, if it causes me to take a look at myself and causes me to see some changes I need to make, and I go ahead and make the changes, then the resentment can be used for a worthwhile purpose.

Let me give you a good example. Let’s say we’re living in the old neighborhood. All the old houses are run down. They all need paint. They all got broken window panes. Mine’s no worse than anybody else’s. I’m very complacent about that situation. I go home in the evening, sit on my rocking chair in the front porch, and I rock and I rock and I rock and I enjoy myself. But one day I look up and some idiot has moved in across the street. He’s out there painting his house, fixing his window screens and window panes. Makes me madder than hell.

I say, who is he moving here and screwing up the whole damn neighborhood? And if I use that resentment right, it’ll cause me to take a look at my house. I’ll become a little bit ashamed of my house. And I paint my house and fix the window screens and the window panes, and my next door neighbor resents me, but eventually he paints his house. The next thing you know, we’ve got the whole neighborhood cleaned up like it should have been in the first place. That’s the proper use of a resentment. But we alcoholics won’t use it that way. We’ll sit there on our porch and we’ll rock and we’ll rock and we’ll resent, and 30 days later we’ll go over at midnight and burn his damn house down. We’ll show him. So we’ll never be completely free of them, but we can get them to the level that God intended for us to have them. And we’ll be able to live with them then with peace of mind, serenity, and happiness. The second common manifestation of self. We talked about in this little store I had up here, a file cabinet that was filled with fear. And those fears very effectively block God out. The things that I fear control the way I think, and if they do, then God can’t. And the big book deals with that on page 67. Let’s go down to the last paragraph now on page 67. Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife.

This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve, but did not we ourselves set the ball rolling. Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. Now we’re going to see a set of instructions to look at our fears, which are basically the same thing as we had for resentments, except worded a little bit differently, which is Bill’s way of doing things. He said we reviewed our fears thoroughly.

We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them.

[00:40:02]

We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. So in order to avoid any confusion, we just simply made up another little inventory sheet that looks almost like the resentment sheet, except we call it a review of our fears. And Wes is putting it up here on the board now.

In column one, we make a list of our fears. Now we men tend to have a little trouble with this thing in the beginning, because we think we’re tough and we’re macho, and we tend to think we don’t have any fear. We’re not talking about physical fears as much as we are all these fears that run through our minds that control us and rule us and dominate us and control the way we think and control the way we act. And if we begin to look very carefully, I think the majority of us are going to find that we got plenty of fears.

They came to me and they said, make a list of your fears. And I said, hell, I don’t have any fear. And they said, oh, surely you’re afraid of some things. And I said, if I am, I don’t know what it is. And they said, well, are you afraid of snakes? And I said, well, hell yes, everybody’s afraid of snakes. They said, well, put snakes down. And I put snakes down and that just opened the door. I began to list fear after fear after fear after fear after fear. We’ve all got fears connected with our marriages. We’ve got fears connected with our jobs. We’ve got fears connected with our children. We’ve got fears connected with the Internal Revenue Service. We’ve got fears connected with the church. And I could sit here and name thousands of fears that human beings have.

All we got to do is take them out of our head, write them down on a piece of paper, fill out column one, top to bottom. Now, I’m going to ask Wes, rather than just write in a bunch of names, let’s just make a few marks in column one. Yeah, we’re not going to take the time to do a lot of names. So we just go from top to bottom listing the fears. We get through with it, we’re absolutely amazed. You know, I don’t think we’ll ever realize how much fear we really do have until we get them all down on paper and see them in their entirety. You can only see one at a time in your head. But when you get them all down on paper, you begin to see how many fears we really do have, how much they control and dominate our thinking. We’ve made a decision to let God direct our thinking. And if fear directs it, then God can’t. It’s just that simple.

Column two, we put down the cause of the fear. You know, if there’s something we’re afraid of, there’s got to be a cause behind it. I may be afraid of my employer. Why? Well, I’m afraid he’s going to fire me. That’s why I’m afraid of him. I may still be a little bit afraid of old Barbara. Why? Well, by God, if she finds out everything I was doing, she might file for divorce again, you know. Column two, by the side of each fear, I put down the cause of it, just exactly like I did with resentments. Column three, which part of self is affected? Just like with resentments, I cannot experience fear unless there’s a threat to one of my basic instincts of life. If you threaten my life. If you threaten my social instinct in any way, it creates fear. If you threaten my security in any way, it creates fear. If you threaten my sex life, it creates fear. So if I’m experiencing fear, there’s a threat to one of the basic instincts of life. Once again, when I filled out the third column for the first time, I realized where fear comes from. Just like with anger, I didn’t know where anger came from. I didn’t know where fear came from. I thought it was just one of those feelings that fled into your mind. But today, I know that fear comes from a threat to one of those basic instincts of life. And I may be finding again, and I’m doing mostly writing in on self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem. Maybe that’s the main thing I’m afraid of, what other people think of me. I may be writing in more security, security, security, security, and I begin to see where my fear of losing what I’ve got or not getting what I want is.

of losing what I’ve got or not getting what I want is one of my major problems. If I’m writing in sex after sex after sex, I begin to see where my fears related with

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sex is one of my major problems. It’s going to be a combination of all three, but for each one of us, at least one of those things will stand out and show us the part of self that we’re really having a problem with. After I finish up this fears column, for the first time I begin to see that this fear really does come from a threat to these basic instincts of life, just like with resentments and anger.

If my relationship with God is right, if my basic instincts are under control, you can say and do about anything you want to to me, and I’m not going to experience fear. But if my relationship with God isn’t right, my instincts are not under control about everything you say and do is going to create fear for me, just like it did with resentments. Thank God I’ve learned that. Thank God I’ve learned that where I live with or without fear is really based upon my relationship with my God as I understand Him.

The stronger that relationship, the less fear that I’m going to experience. We’re going to find also with these fears, just like we did with resentments, that when we get them on paper and really see the truth behind them, most of them are going to look pretty dumb. I found in the second column most of my fears were associated with just two or three things anyhow. I was usually afraid I wasn’t going to get what I wanted.

I was afraid I was going to lose something I already got, or I was afraid I’d done something what you were going to do whenever you catch me. Nearly all of my fears revolved around that kind of thinking. And when I began to see those things and see the stupidity behind these fears, see how they control me and dominate me, rather than God doing it, the fears do it, it began to look dumb, it began to look stupid, just like with the resentments.

And about 95% of those fears really did begin to disappear. But then once again, there may be four or five, half a dozen of them embedded so deeply that we may have to have a little extra help with them. So we now come to the second prayer in the big book on step four regarding fears. The first one regarded resentments. The second one regards fears. On the second paragraph it says, perhaps there is a better way.

We think so. But we’re now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We’re in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a way of weakness.

Paradoxically it is a way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate through us what He can do. Now here’s the prayer. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once we commence to outgrow fear. I hear always about the promises on page 83 and 84.

I never hear about those spread throughout the entire book. This is one of the greatest promises to be found anywhere in this book. We take those fears, isolate them one at a time just like we did with resentments. We ask God to remove this fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be instead and at once we commence to outgrow that fear. Absolutely amazing what will take place in us when we do this.

If the fear is removed, it has to be replaced with something else. God’s not going to leave any more holes in my head. I’ve got enough already. If the fear is removed, it has to be replaced with something else. The only thing that can replace it will be the opposite of it. And where my mind used to be occupied and filled with fear, now I find that I have faith and I have courage and I’m able to do things that I never could do before.

I’m able to quit doing things that I couldn’t quit before. And the faith and the courage automatically comes to the surface.

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I didn’t have to read any other books or go to any other fellowships. Faith and courage has always been a part of my makeup. I just never could use it before. In my chase for money, power, prestige, sex, and what I thought were the good things of life, that had to be repressed to let me operate on the level I wanted to operate on and fear just literally destroyed me. But now that the fear is gone, the faith and courage comes to the surface and automatically I begin to have a little more peace of mind, a little more serenity, and a little more happiness.

Now, just like with resentments, if you’ve got a fear that you don’t want to get rid of, knowing full well that it might get you drunk, then you better get it on a sheet of paper and look at it very, very carefully and see what we’re doing with it, because we may be using it to rationalize and justify, just like we did with the resentment, to rationalize and justify not doing things we should do, or just as importantly, to continue doing things we shouldn’t be doing.

Let me give you an example. I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me now. How many of you in this room this morning would like to go back to school and finish your education? Can I see your hands? My God, look at them all over the room. Now I’m going to ask you another question. How many of you really intend to do that? Can I see your hands? Hell, less than a fourth of the hands went up this time.

Why? Nothing in the world but fear, fear that we won’t measure up, fear of failure, fear of hard work, actually keeps us from doing things we really would like to do. And if we can work with God and get rid of that fear, then we could go right back to school and finish our education. You know, I’ve used this example all over the country, and hardly ever do I build Big Book study anymore, but what somebody doesn’t come up to me and say, Charlie, do you remember up there in Sacramento when you did that thing on fear and going back to school?

And I say, yeah, I remember. They say, I want you to know I’m going to school now. Or I want you to know I finished, I got my degree, and now I’m going after my master’s. You know, we can do those things if we want to. Nothing, nothing can stop us except fear. Fear of work, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. It’s amazing how fear controls us and dominates us, and we don’t even know it’s happening to us.

All my life, I’ve loved to work with my hands. All my life, I wanted to build a set of kitchen cabinets. They’re beautiful things. I just fell in love with kitchen cabinets when I was a kid. And I always wanted to build a set, but I never would do it, because I knew there’d be a hell of a lot of mistakes in there, they wouldn’t look good, and people would laugh at me, and I would be embarrassed. And I just wouldn’t build a set of kitchen cabinets.

Some years after I got sober, and began to practice this program, and began to work on this kind of stuff, you know, one day I decided, by golly, I’m going to build a set of kitchen cabinets, and I did. Now, they don’t look very good, and they got a lot of mistakes, and people laugh, but I don’t give a damn anymore, see. I don’t think any of us are going to realize what fear does to us until we get it down on the paper and really take a good, honest look at it.

The other thing that amazed me is I kept seeing a whole lot of the same names appearing on both sheets. A lot of the same names were popping up on the fear sheet that I had on the resentment sheet. I resented old Barbara, and I feared Barbara. I resented the Internal Revenue Service, and I feared the Internal Revenue Service. I resented the police department, and I feared the police. I never had tied that together in my head, how closely resentments and fears run together, until I got them all on this paper and took a look at them.

Okay, we’ve looked at the first common manifestation of self, which was resentments. We saw the truth behind them. We got rid of them. We saw we would have to change in the past, or in the future, in order to keep them from coming back. We’ve looked at these fears. We’ve gotten rid of them. And we got the same information on the fear sheet that we had on the resentment sheet.

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Once again, we’re doing step four, and Wes, if you will, at the top of that sheet, put a little four up there, just like we did with resentments. I caught him asleep that time, I think. He doesn’t have Gene with him to keep him awake today, I see that. Was he already on sex? My God. No wonder he’s sitting there half asleep. Oh, well. My fear of snakes, I was just afraid they’d bite me and I’d die. That’s what it was.

What did I do about it? I prayed for it. I prayed for what part of self was affected. Of course, all parts of self were affected on it. But in order to finally get rid of it, I asked God to remove it. And let me say this before we go any further. We’re not going to get rid of all fear, just like we don’t get rid of all resentments. Fear can be used for a worthwhile purpose, too. It brings caution. It keeps me from getting hurt.

Now, fear about snakes is kind of a good deal if I don’t let it dominate me, because it brings caution and keeps me from getting hurt. Now, I’ll pick up an old black snake, because I know he can’t hurt me. But I’m not going to pick up a copperhead snake, because I know he’s going to hurt me bad if I pick him up. And that kind of fear brings caution and keeps me from getting hurt. But if it keeps me from even going out in the woods where a snake might be, then it’s really beginning to control me and dominate me.

I’ve got a little bit of fear connected with the dark. Why? Well, I don’t have headlights, and I can’t see at night. And that kind of fear brings caution and keeps me from getting hurt. I have a little bit of fear connected with heights. Why? I don’t have wings, and I can’t fly. And that brings caution and keeps me from getting hurt. But now, if that fear keeps me from going out after dark, if it keeps me from riding in an elevator or an airplane, I need to look at it very, very carefully, because then it’s controlling me.

We’ll never get rid of all fear, just like we never get rid of all resentments. But we can get it to the level that God intended for it to be. And that’s really what we’re after. You know, God never gave us anything bad. It’s just what we do with these things that determine whether they’re going to be bad or not. Okay, in the fifth column. Oh, I think that’s a healthy fear. I’m not even going to go in.

I’m not going to touch that this morning. Wait till we get into sex, and then we’ll talk about that. Isn’t it great to be able to sit in one of these deals and laugh and have fun and cut up? Yeah. In the fifth column, we’re going to see the exact nature of the wrong now. We’ll talk about for step five. So we put a little five in the fifth column. In the fifth column, we see the character defects. We’re going to be willing to turn loose of in step six.

So we put a little six in the fifth column. In the fifth column, we see the shortcomings we’re going to ask God to take away in step seven. So we put a little seven in there. And in column one, some of the things I fear will be people and institutions I’ve harmed. And their names come off of column one to be added to the sheet to be used later on for steps eight and nine. So if I do this thing the way the book says to do it, I’ve given myself all the information I need now for four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine fears-wise.

And we’ve gotten rid of most of the fear. We’re beginning to get a little peace of mind, serenity, and happiness. Another positive happening. Okay, thank you, Wes. Now for the third common manifestation of self. As we talked about it yesterday, the third common manifestation was the harms and hurts done to others. We’re not drunken bums. We’ve got a conscience. We hurt other people, and the guilt and remorse just literally begins to eat us up.

Now it seems that this storeroom back here in the back of my little store yesterday was filled with all that guilt and remorse associated with the people I’ve hurt in the past. Heard in the Past, and it seems as though we human beings hurt each other faster and easier in the sexual area than we do in any other area.

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And I think there seems to be some good reasoning behind that. You know the other animals here on earth, they have the same kind of sex urge that we human beings have, so t