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Source: Kelley B – Sunlight of the Spirit (2023) – Speaker Talk – Date Unknown.mp3 File: kelley-b-sunlight-of-the-spirit-2023-speaker-talk-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:00:26
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Thank you, Bill. I don't ever mess with anybody's microphones, let me tell you. Anyway, my name's Kelly and I'm an alcoholic. And I'll tell you what, what a great kickoff of a convention, huh? Is this fabulous? And I want to thank Judy for being the hostess with the mostess. Yeah, and I'll tell you what, walking in this room and feeling the energy here, it just inspires me. I don't know which personality is going to come out, but anyway, I sobered up the day before Thanksgiving, 1982. I'm 40 years sober and I was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. June 23rd, 1942. I'm 81 years old.
And it's service that keeps me young. And I believe in service. The house I grew up in, it was my grandmother's home. My grandpa was the town drunk and they always brought him home whenever he got paid from the steel mills. He would stop at every bar on the way home. And anyway, he'd get so drunk, there was a sheriff by the name of Stoney, and Stoney would pick him up and bring him home. And grandma was waiting for him to get some money.
And when he didn't have money, she had the skillet waiting for him. And so that's what I grew up with. And grandpa, anyway, he sobered up and he became a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And my grandpa died sober. And anyway, so yeah, I grew up in that home and I was real shut down. Very shut down. See, my mother, by the way, I'm Catholic. Okay, Catholic, Catholic, Catholic, Catholic, Catholic, Catholic.
Blessings to you, Bill. By the way, Bill comes here and we don't pay him, okay? He gets no money. And he brings all his equipment here. Thousands and thousands of dollars of equipment just to be here and to record our conference this week, okay? So please, please, please buy CDs and other things, those other things I don't know anything about. Buy Bill. Thank you, Bill. I forgot to mention that whenever I came up here and so he dinged me until I did. I'll do it quicker the next time, Bill.
So anyway, what happened was my mother and father got married, okay? And the war was going on. And my mother, my dad went to Guadalajara, Guadalajara, Guadalajara, yeah, that one. Thank you. I was a baby. I didn't understand. But anyway, he went off to war and while he was gone, my mother went to work over town and when she'd get off work, she'd go sing in a piano lounge because she loved to sing. She loved to perform. And so this guy came
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up to her and he says, hey, if you go to Las Vegas with me, I'll teach you how to be an actress. I know, I know, okay? And she thought that was a real good idea and so she went ahead and divorced my dad. Okay, whenever you grow up in a village like I did, divorce is a no-no, total no-no, okay? And anyway, the kids in school made fun of me and they called me a bastard. And my dad, whenever he got back from the war, he went to the priest and the priest, and he was young, you know, he was 19 years old, you know, he was young and he was going to meet somebody else one of these days and the priest told him to go ahead and get an annulment and that he would have to wipe his hands clean of me, and which he did. Yeah. So anyway, that's the way I grew up in that little village and I shut down. I shut down, shut down, shut down, shut down. But I loved my mother. She was so much fun. She would come to visit me in the middle of the night, okay? And she'd have makeup on and she'd smell of cigarette smoke and stale perfume and she bleached her hair and she'd have it all teased up, you know? And she'd come in and she'd be happy and she'd bring me gifts in the middle of the night and then she'd be calm again, you know? I go, that's what, that must be what actresses do, you know? And anyway, whenever I was a little bit older, mom came and got me. She met this guy and he, they got married and she came and got me and took me to Southern California. Now, if you come from a German village, okay, you speak Pennsylvania Dutch. And so nobody understood what I said and everybody was skinny and I was very healthy because grandpa, grandma was a good cook, let me tell you, a good cook. And I wanted to show her how much I appreciated her and so I ate a lot, you know? And so I went to Southern California and I was, I never had any friends or anything and I graduated from high school. I started going to college and I worked during the daytime and I went to college at night. And one night, I'm on campus and, you know, I've got atrial fibrillation, okay? And that day, boy, my heart was beating out of my chest. The most handsome boy I've ever seen in my life walks on campus, okay, in a marine uniform. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I couldn't, I couldn't stop looking at him. I mean, he was just gorgeous, okay?
I couldn't stop looking at him. And I knew that he went with one of the cheerleaders would have nothing to do with me. And all of a sudden, he comes over to me and he goes, hey, kid, do you like to dance? And I don't know where these words came from. I said, I'm a dancing fool. He says to me, come on, let's go dancing. And he took me to a bar and, anyway, he bought me this chimney glass, okay, full of Coca-Cola, arrives in front of me.
Okay, I needed a drink a long time before I ever took a drink, okay? But anyway, I picked up, oh, I was thirsty, you guys. I was, bless you, bless you, child. Anyway, I was thirsty. I was so thirsty. And I picked up that and I chug-a-lugged it, chug-a-lugged it, chug-a-lugged it. And all of a sudden, it felt like velvet was going through my body. It was massaging every one of my organs in my body. And I couldn't wait to have another one. And another one appeared.
And I looked around the bar and everybody, I knew everybody hated me in there. They were looking at me and squinting at me and whispering to one another, you know? I knew they hated me. And anyway, another drink. And I picked it up and chug-a-lugged. And then I chug-a-lugged another. And I looked up around the bar and, oh, my goodness, everybody was smiling at me. I said, these people love me. And I love them. And I got up and I walked around that
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bar and I, hey, young people, I knew BFF long before you ever, ever, ever noticed. And I said, we're going to be best friends forever. I love you. And that night, I drank for the first time. And I got out there and I danced and did the boogie-woogie. And I did it better than anybody. I know it was better than anybody because other people were out there trying to dance with me, you know? I said, oh, my goodness, you know? And I danced for the first time. That night I had sex for the first time. And that night I got pregnant.
I had arrived. Oh, my goodness, I had arrived. And I had to, I thought, oh, my goodness, this life, it's the most wonderful life I've ever found in my life. This is the answer to all my life's things. So, anyway, this Marine, okay, he stepped up to the plate. And we went to Las Vegas, okay? A good Catholic girl going to Las Vegas. And we got married at the little white chapel. And I, he was the first person in my life that I ever totally, totally loved, totally, totally was in love with. Oh, and we were going to be together forever and I knew it. And we were drinking buddies. We were drinking buddies. That's what we did. We drank and we fought. Oh, my goodness, we had so much fun together. And when my little girl was born, my little Tracy Lynn, oh, my goodness, I held her in my arms and she was the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen in my life. And I looked at her and I said, Tracy Lynn, you are going to have the most wonderful life in the world.
You're going to have a mommy and a daddy that loves and adores you. And I meant it. And I meant it. And I don't know how it happened because they didn't teach me this in Catholic school. But next thing that happened, I find out I'm pregnant again. How's that happen, you know? And anyway, I'm at home one day and in our little apartment and I got my little girl on my hip, you know how we do, you know, happy as can be. And I'm six and a half months pregnant with my little boy, you know, and couldn't be happier. And all of a sudden, on the door, and wow, you know, and I go to the door and there's two very serious looking sheriffs standing there. And they looked at me and they looked at my connection, my condition and they says, can we come in and will you sit down? And I said, you're not coming in my home and you tell me what you want right now. And they says, well, there's been a terrible car accident and your husband was killed in it. And at that moment, one of the sheriffs grabbed my daughter and I fell to the floor. And it seems like I went in this dark hole and I wasn't to come out of it for 22 and a half years. And I couldn't drink enough to kill myself, but I tried. And anyway, I'll tell you about, anyway, I got taken, I got picked up by MADD. Anybody else been picked up by them? MADD? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other women making judgments against me, you know. I got picked up in a town called Downey, California. Anybody gone to Downey, California? Okay, okay, okay. Okay, you guys know that the police in Downey, California do not know how to treat a lady, okay? They threw me in jail and they slammed that door shut and it was an aluminum door. And I just, oh my goodness, I couldn't believe it. There I was, I was in jail, you know. And I, all of a sudden, looked up and I realized they had mistaken me.
and I realized they had mistakenly locked me up with another person and she
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was scary let me tell you she had this big she had this red bloated face and she had this red hair it was all over the place but you know what was the scariest was her eyes she looked insane and I got started screaming come and get me come and get me this lady's gonna kill me come and get me come and get me and they wouldn't come and get me and all of a sudden I had this moment of clarity and I realized oh my god it's me staring at me in that aluminum door I couldn't believe what I had become okay and I fell in my knees right there and I said God just take me home I can't make it down on this earth you know I can't make it here take me home and then I thought well I'm 40 years old here you know maybe I'm too young to die you know so I says okay listen guy um maybe you can show me a way out because I can't make it down here I don't know if those prayers ever got out of that room or not okay but the next thing that happened the sheriff comes in and he says come on you're getting out OR I didn't know what OR meant and I meant I made it I was gonna stop him say hey wait a minute here you know I'm putting here and I'm supposed to stay here and all of a sudden this voice in my my head goes shut up and I got out of there and I'm sorry to tell you the first place I went was to a bar yeah that's where I felt at home on a barstool I felt at home on a barstool and I went into this bar on Firestone Boulevard and the guy that was tending bar was the owner and he says we don't want your kind in here you can't stay here and then he looked at he says we're getting Thanksgiving together for all of our people and you know would you like a bowl of soup and I go oh I would love a bowl of soup we learn how to lie and deceive people out there in the streets because see I've got survival skills I don't have the quiet you know I don't have any character defects I have survival skills I needed things to survive out there and so anyway he gave me a bowl of linten soup I'll never forget it and he says look there's a payphone over there on the wall why don't you go over and and call somebody to come and get you and I looked at him and I says you know what I don't have any money and he put money on the bar and I've got a lot of pride but I scooped the money up and I had here's my plan okay and if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans I just thought here's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go over there and then day in the day we could call a directory assistant and get a live person so I figure I'll get that live person on the phone and we'll have a conversation then I'll go back to the bar and I'll sit down and say yeah all my friends are coming down and they said give me anything I want to drink and they'll pay for it when they get here that was my plan okay and I walked over to that payphone and there was this neon yellow okay notice right next to it and it said if you have a problem with alcohol call this number I said I certainly will I'm gonna report this bar to them and there's a lady named Helen that answered the phone that day thank goodness somebody yeah that was a live answered the phone the day before Thanksgiving 1982 and she asked me she says have you had a drink today and I says no that's why I'm calling you I have a problem with alcohol these people won't serve me and she says to me well you just might be able to make it to your first meeting of alcoholics anonymous I go what she says yeah she says what's the address where you're at
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and I told her she says oh the meeting's just four blocks away and I says okay she says if you can leave if you leave right now you might be able to make it to your first meeting it was 320 in the afternoon I said so what time does the meeting start she said seven o'clock she was so wise so wise so anyway she said here's the word she says you know I've gone through a lot of what they call transformations okay and this was one of the transformations I went to through she said these words to me she says the people there are going to be so happy to see you happy to see me nobody's been happy to see me in my life oh my goodness I couldn't wait to meet you guys you know and I went there and I waited and you all started showing up and I started judging you you were the happiest kissinest hugginest people I had never ever seen in my life okay and I knew that you were all living in the same apartment building together too and I went into the meeting and I sat way in the back if anybody was going to come near me I was out the door and at the end of the meeting the president who was up in front said and will our newcomer lead us in the Lord's prayer of her choice and I looked around to see what one of you newcomers look like and just like the night you were all looking at me and this guy took a hold of my hand and he says that's you and I said how they know and he says hey you know I says I don't know how to pray and I didn't I had no idea how to pray and he says you just say our father and hang on and see what happens I'll never forget the first time that we said that our father in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I felt that electricity go through my body and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world I went to district a couple months ago and uh and our lady from New York was down and she says oh we've taken a final count on the Lord's prayer it stays in and I go yeah yeah for 88 years is the work that's not changing okay so anyway and the I sobered up at a place called the snake pit then I went downhill from there and I would sit in the meetings there and I would just shut down you know I'd sit there and get the I eat your cookies and your coffee and if I was looking for a guy you know if I could find a guy to give me money or a place to stay you know I knew that I could probably con a few people in the meetings I was a taker taker taker taker and I'm sitting in meetings and all shut down and you know here's the thing there's always one person in a meeting that speaks louder than your head and this guy's name was Merle and Merle talked louder than my head and one day I walked in there and he says Kelly girl I go Merle what do you want he says Kelly girl it's November it's gratitude month in Alcoholics Anonymous what are you grateful for I said Merle I'm not grateful for anything my husband got killed in a car accident he says Kelly girl your husband was a drunk he's the one that got he's the one that caused the accident if you would have been in the car you might have died too he says now what are you grateful for well the state of California took my children away from me forever and I don't know where they're at no way I don't know anywhere in the world where they're at he says Kelly girl every time you were drinking and you were out there in the streets you were giving up your children he says now what were you grateful for I said Merle nothing he says okay he says and he takes this yellow pad of paper and he turns it around to me and gives me a pen and he says okay he says Kelly he says let me ask you something do you have syphilis no Merle I don't have syphilis he says okay write this down one I'm grateful I
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don't have syphilis he says are you in a nuthouse or in jail I says no Merle I'm standing right in front of you he says okay second gratitude I'm grateful I'm not in jail or in a nuthouse today he says now he says have you murdered anybody Kelly I said no but I think I'm about to I said I know I know number three I'm grateful I haven't murdered anybody today he says yeah and I want you to put yet after each one of those because if you go back out that door again okay because it's better to be in here by mistake than back out there by mistake he told me he says if you go back out there all three of these things could happen to you if you make it back in here and anyway none of the women would sponsor me yeah they didn't like me because I was always trolling the the rooms they were a little upset with me and I was doing what I had to do to survive you know and so anyway Merle says to me do you have a sponsor yet today Kelly I says Merle none of the women like me around here he said well I got news for you the what the men don't think too much of you either and one lady said to me she says you know Kelly you've got to get a career you can't keep doing what you were doing out there in the streets and stay sober you got to get a career and there was see there was this one guy and I knew he was rich because he he drove a Cadillac and he's the guy that took a hold of my hand and told me to say our fathers Steve Cooper and anyway I knew he was rich because of the car he drove that's that's how I could tell rich guys from poor guys so I went over to Merle and I said Merle I mean I went over to Steve Cooper and I said Steve I said what do you do for a living he says I'm a real estate broker I thought God if he can do real estate anybody can so I went to school and I became a real estate broker yeah and anyway I went to work in that town of Downey and anyway the whenever I was about two years sober the Downey Board of Realtors made me the chairlady of make Downey beautiful committee yeah I know power to the powerless right and I've been a real broker for 40 years and I still work anyway so anyway I'm sitting there one day and this little lady this little redheaded lady she was a Catholic school teacher named Eileen she came up to me and she says Kelly would you like to go to a meeting with me somebody that wants to go to a meeting with me oh my goodness I felt so good I said oh Eileen I'd love to she says yeah if you go with me she says I'll take you out for dessert afterwards free food oh my goodness yes yes so she took me to a meeting and it she sat me in the front row and then she got away from me and I never saw her again so anyway the speaker that night was the craziest human I've ever heard in my life let me tell you and I started to shut down and then he said something he said that he had been incarcerated in a nuthouse in Texas and he had escaped and they have been trying to lock me up you know and all of a sudden he got my attention oh my goodness he escaped oh wow and then he said something he says yeah and he says and all five of my children have been returned me all five of his children returned oh my goodness all of a sudden I had
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the same job, for 25 years, for 25 years he's been on the same job, I've been fired from 32 jobs before I got the AA, and he says, I have friends all over the world, friends, he's got friends, I sat there and I was in awe, totally in awe, and I sat there and I watched him, and after the meeting, all these people came up and, you know, were thanking him and all that stuff, you know, and I sat there and he come over to me and he says, hey kid, didn't they teach you that whenever somebody's traveled all this far, that you need to go over and thank them for speaking? I says, no, nobody ever told me that, he says, oh, you're that girl, I says, I'm famous, he says, I'll tell you what we're going to do, he says, tomorrow morning at 1115 exactly, I want you to call me, phone number's 213-624-9258, and he says, make sure you call me right on the dot, so I go back to the snake pit and I watch that pay phone, I won't let anybody get near it, you know, because I've got an important phone call to make, you know, and so at 1115 exactly, because I wanted to talk to him, and I call him up and he answers the phone and he goes, Clancy Emerson, and Clancy became my sponsor, and he had me come down the midnight mission, the old one, the old one, the old corrupted one, yeah, had me come down there and he sat in front of his desk and he says, kid, what's your big problem today? I said, well, the people in Downey are going to have me locked up in a nut house, and he says, well, I got good news for you, I said, really, I need good news, he says, yeah, they don't lock people up in nut houses for being crazy, they don't? He says, no, he says, only if you act crazy, so just don't act crazy and you'll never get locked up. He says, now, what else? I says, my children, I says, during the holidays I go through, you know, malls and I look for kids about my age and I want to go over and ask them what their name is and everything, and he says, yeah, you need to stop stalking little kids, he says, probably be a good idea that you stop that immediately, and he says, here's what we're going to do instead, and he says, this is what I did, I said, yeah, what did you do? He says, throw yourself into service, throw yourself into working with other people's children, you can help them better than anybody else, throw yourself into working with them, and he says, what will happen is that whenever you have time, things I must earn, he says, God will bring everything back together, and I did, and I became a member of the Pacific group, I started dressing like a lady, I was bilingual, by the way, I spoke vulgarity and English, and he says, the only thing you're allowed to say is, hi, my name's Kelly, what's yours? And he says, and then let them talk, you know, if it's a newcomer, they'll talk to you for 45 minutes before the meeting starts, okay? So that's what I did, and anyway, one day, somebody got a hold of me, and they says, Kelly, me and a judge, we're thinking about a new idea, we never thought about this before in our lives, we were thinking about buying a house, I go, I can help you with that, ma, and he says, what we want to do is we want to take the girls that are on the streets and have children, and instead of putting them in the system, and the children in the system, we want to put them in a home and bring recovery to them, and so we want you to go out and find us a house, I says, okay, so I went out, I found a house, it's called the Foley house, and anyway, we started the Foley
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house, and the first year that we were open, we had 18 little children in the house, and it was Christmas time, we didn't have any money for Christmas presents, so Merle says, well, let's have a barbecue, and we did, and we saved, we got enough money to buy each little child one little present, and they says, sit those little children down, Kelly, and ask each little child what they want for Christmas, and go and buy it for them, and I did, and anyway, now I have, I had a service sponsor, so Carisha and John, they are my service sponsors, okay, fabulous, fabulous people, and they taught me how to put on events, like barbecues, and things like that, and to raise funds, and they're beautiful, beautiful people, and anyway, you know, Christmas, I'm watching Bud give out these gifts to these little children, and when they go up to Santa Claus, and says, Santa Claus says, what do you want for Christmas, and they tell him, and he pulls it out of his bag, and gives it to them, and their eyes would just light up, you know, and you guys, that was my moment, that was my moment, I said, whatever I'm asked to do, and Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm going to do, you know, I'm going to do, you know, and anyway, that lasted for about 90 seconds, and I started thinking, you know, everybody else has gotten married, and divorced, and married again, and Clancy won't even let me date yet, he says, I don't want you corrupting the men in Alcoholics Anonymous, Kelly, but I learned how to market, okay, in real estate, so I decided to market myself, I put an ad in the LA Times, feisty redhead, looking for a 12-step relationship, put it in the personal column, oh boy, did I get the letters, oh yeah, then I got this one letter, and it was two lines only, and it says, I'm in a 12-step program too, call me if you want, named Mike, and I called him, I says, oh, you're in a 12-step program, what little program are you in, he says, I'm a grateful member of Al-Anon, manna from heaven, we decided to meet, and I couldn't have him come to the Pacific Group, so I had him come to the Bellflower Big Book, and I got out in front of all the good-looking people that were greeting people, and I watched, and here he came, you know, and he got out of his Cadillac, and he shot his cuffs, and he had a Puffball, and oh my God, I fell in love, you know, and I took a hold of him, and I said, come on in, I'm going to introduce you to some people, and there's these guys called the dog on the roof, and they're people out of prison, you know, and they're my buddies, so I take them over, and I introduce them to these guys that are out of prison, and they say, hey, hey, and I turn around, and as I'm walking away, I hear one of them say, run, run for your life, you don't tell an Al-Anon dad, because they fall in love with you immediately, Mike and I have been married for 31 years.
And I like what Nancy says, you know, whenever she gets ready to go on a weekend, her husband says, yeah, go, go, go, go, mine does the same thing, you know, I didn't have to be at the airport until 7 o'clock, 3.15 in the morning, he wakes me up, go, go, go. So anyway, he got transferred to Florida, and to show how I'd go to any lengths to stay married, I came to Florida, and anyway, I came out for Thanksgiving, you know, for my anniversary, and we celebrated, and whenever I was getting back on the plane, he said, this is what he said to me, he says, do you want to come back for Christmas?
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What I heard, okay, because I have selective hearing, is go home and sell everything, and move to Florida, so whenever I came back for, you know, for Christmas, we were driving up to his condo on Tierra Verde, and there's all these boxes all piled up all over in front of his place, he goes, what in the world is that? I says, oh, I forgot to tell you, and one thing wonderful about Mike, he just rolls with all my insanity, you know, he just rolls with it.
Anyway, I got in a really bad car accident, my Cadillac ran over me, I know, I know, and I was picking up open house signs, and I had my car parked at this 42 degree designer, driveway, and I heard a pop, and the car came at me like a freight train, and it grabbed my left leg, and it pulled me under the undercarriage, and it crushed my left hand, did a tib fib on the right, rolled up my body, pulled my rib cage out of my sternum, crushed my lungs, and then the next thing I knew, and I knew this was going to happen, it was going to be the last conscious thought I'll ever think in my life, and my whole life went in front of me, and I thought, you know, I've had the most fabulous life in Alcoholics Anonymous, I've had everything I've ever wanted, I've had an extended family, I've gone to weddings, I've been where people give birth, I mean, I've had a fabulous life, and the car ran over my head.
Anyway, the next thing I know, I'm in the emergency room, and I've been touched by an angel, and the next thing I know is I come back out of the white light, and I open up my eyes, and this gorgeous looking male nurse is looking at me, David. I knew he wanted me. He screamed, this scream that you could hear all over the hospital, and they rushed me into surgery, and then I was in ER, and the next thing that happened was one of the elders came to see me from AA, and he had this book under his arm, thank you, and I looked up, and I said, Chuck, what's that book, and he says, it's 12 and 12, Kelly, something you've never read, and I said, Chuck, what are you bringing that in here for?
He says, well, since we've got your attention now, he says, I thought we'd do the steps six and seven. I said, Chuck, I'm dying. He says, it's never too late. So anyway, I go home, and see, I figured if I worked real hard, and if I made a lot of money, and I got stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, that I'd be okay. Let me tell you what happens, you guys. Whenever you work real hard, and you get stuff, stuff, stuff, it seems like that hole in your soul gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and there's nothing that you can put in there to fill it, nothing at all.
The more you get, the bigger that hole gets. Please believe me on that, because it happened to me. Anyway, I'm at home, and my phone rings, my landline, and it's a lady from Southern California. She says, Kelly, I want to invite you up to speak. I says, I can't go anywhere. I says, I'm a gimp. And she says, well, she says, you used to sponsor me. I knew it was a joke. So you used to sponsor me, I knew I was in trouble, she says, and you told me one time anything that you were ever asked to do, you would do, she says, so, do you have a computer?
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Yep, I had one of those big ones, she says, get on the computer and get yourself an e-ticket, tell them that you're a gimp, whenever you get there, they'll put you to the front of the line, and she hung up on me, I don't ever, I don't remember being that rude with her, okay, so I get on the computer, right, and I have, after six weeks of being in physical torture, okay, I had a bunch of e-mails, and I start going, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, all of a sudden I stopped cold, and I got a message, and it was from somebody with my son's birth name, and I opened it up, and this is what it said, did I find you?
Is this you? And I answered him back right away, and I wanted him to know that I'm a good woman today, and I says, yeah, you found me, and I want you to know that I'm sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he e-mails me right back, and he says, well, I want you to know, I'm almost six months sober, and he was a member of Polly's meeting, and I says, well, I says, I really would like to, you know, have a relationship with you, but I've got to go out of town, and he says, where are you going?
And I says, well, I'm going to go to Los Angeles, and he says, oh, really? You know, God works in mysterious ways. He says, well, you're in LA, whenever you get through speaking at the meeting, get in your rental car, and come on down to the New Portolano Club, I'll be waiting for you. And you guys, I remember driving down Newport Boulevard, and I come up to 32nd across, and I see this hyper kid on the corner.
I said, that's my boy. I would know him anywhere, okay? And I pulled my rental car over, and I leaped out of that car best I could with a walker, you know, and I put my arms around him, and I never let him go, and we went off for some soup, and this is what he told me, he says, your daughter loathes you. She's been calling the police on you, the FBI on you, everything she can do to get you locked up.
She thinks that you're the most, worst mother in the world, and she wants you locked up for the rest of your life, and she said, if you ever, ever, ever tries to contact her, that she'll make sure that you get locked up forever. And he says, but I'd like to have a relationship with you. I said, Tim, I'm going to take what I can get. I said, you never have to worry about it. I'll never contact her in the world, you know, I'll never contact her.
And anyway, my sponsor suggested that I start doing steps three and step 11 on a daily basis, and you know, I always try to be somebody else. I'd see somebody else, and I'd go, oh, golly, I want to be like them, I'm going to act like them, and I could never do that because I was a phony, you know, and I was a people pleaser, and being a people pleaser, you lie to a lot of people, you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and you don't, you know, and my sponsor says, Kelly, you've got gifts from God, gifts from God.
Why don't you pick up those gifts from God, and why don't you do something with it, you know? And he says, take some time by yourself and find out what those gifts are that God has, because you've gotten so far away from who you are by trying to be some phony that you have no idea who you are. So he says, I want you to read something spiritual every day. I still do read something spiritual every day.
I don't understand it. Sometimes I have to read it over and over and over. I've got the Upstairs, I Have Not God, I'm reading that for the fifth time. Still don't understand it, okay, but I'm reading it.
[00:50:03]
Oh, and then try William James, try reading that, you know. Yeah, so anyway, I get back in my car, and I'm on the 405 going back to LAX to come back to Florida, and my cell phone rings. Now, in those days, you could answer the phone. Today, you can't, okay, but in those days, you couldn't, and so I'm just driving along. I answer the phone, and it's a young lady on the phone, and she says to me, is this Terry?
Oh, nobody calls me that. I knew I was in trouble. I go, yes, it is. She says, this is your daughter, Tracy. We need to talk, but I don't want you near my home. We met in a restaurant, and for five and a half, oh, I called my sponsor first, you know. He says, here's what you're going to do, okay. You go with your hat in your hand, okay. She's been damaged a lot, okay. She's been damaged a lot. You listen, you listen, and you listen, and you listen, and you listen, and that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth, so you listen.
I said, I got it, so I go there, and I listen, and for five and a half hours, we pulled those walls down between us. We pulled them down, and whenever I left there, I was so emotional, I forgot to ask her if she wanted my contact information. I forgot, but through modern technology, I had her phone number in my phone, right. So, I picked it up, I pushed it, and she answers right away. I said, Tracy, she said, oh, I'm so glad you called.
She says, before you go back to Florida, would you like to meet your grandbabies? Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes, and I met Blake and Warren, and let me tell you, Blake and Warren think I'm the greatest grandma in the world. They call me Grandma ATM. I do what I got to do, okay. That's one of the gifts I have, and I go back to Florida, and everybody told me, they said, you got to go back. You can't put that family back together, you being out in Florida, and those kids being in Southern California.
So I sold everything, we had a condo, looking out over the, oh, never mind, anyway, I sold it in one day, got rid of all the furniture, got everything, and when my husband got home, I had two little suitcases packed, okay, I had the dog and a little slugger in one cage and tiger in the other, and we took off for LAX, and when we got to LAX, we sat there for a while, and we did the 11-step prayer, and what I had been told is that all your life, you've been running after stuff, stuff, stuff, and you've been starving your soul.
You've been starving your soul. Once you get the soul together, they told me, and I believed them, that the whole world will come back together again for you, and then at the, in LAX, in the middle of everything, my husband and I, we just did that 11-step prayer. We did the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. We did the four absolutes. We did it all, and we were feeding our soul. We didn't have a place to stay.
We had no money. We had nothing, nothing, nothing, but we knew, we knew that we were on a mission, and we put that family back together, and this is what, and I'm going to start to close, okay? So my daughter got together with me, and she says, I had a fabulous mother, a fabulous
[00:55:05]
father. I had a great childhood. Don't think that you can come in here and try to be a mother to me. You will never be a mother to me. The best we can ever be is friends. I says, I know how to be a friend. You taught me how to be a friend, to be as good as my word, to show up when I'm supposed to, okay, to be kind and loving, and listen, listen, listen. You taught me how to do that. I said, Tracy, I can be a friend.
Okay, fine. She says, I'm going to tell you what happened. She says, I belong to a church called Saddleback, and there's a preacher there, or pastor, something like that. I don't know what's his name. What is it? Huh? Rick Warner. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Anyway, I went to a weekend, and the weekend was on forgiveness. She says, my friends, she suffers from anorexia nervosa, and they told her, they says, until you get settled with your mother, you know, you're going to die of this disease. So anyway, she went to this weekend, and her friends suggested her to go. They sat her in the front row. And this couple, this couple, okay, the couple, get the couple, the couple came out, and their name was Lucretia and John.
Yeah, and they came out, and they said, this is a, this is about forgiveness. Is there somebody that needs to forgive somebody? And her friend says, yeah, Tracy does, and they pushed up on stage. So Lucretia went over to her and says, is there somebody you need to forgive? She says, yeah, my birth mother. She's a monster, a monster. And Lucretia told her, she says, you never have to talk to your birth mother as long as you live.
You never have to talk to her as long as you live. She said, but let's get you over this. Is that an agreement? Tracy said, yes, I want to get over this. She says, okay, here's how we start. What's your birth mother's name? And Tracy said, Teresa Kelly. And Lucretia looked at her and said, Teresa Kelly from Downey, California? Yeah, my, they're my several sponsors, Lucretia and John. God, I mean, we can't make this stuff up, you know?
Anyway, Lucretia says, you know, in your case, your mother's been looking for you for a long time. You've got to get in touch with her. So my daughter says to me, I just want to ask you something. I says, anything. I thought, oh my goodness, for a million bucks, I'm going to have to go sell a few more houses. She says, will you forgive me? Whoa. I said, forgive you? She says, please forgive me for calling the FBI on you.
They did pick me up, by the way, and throw me in jail, okay? I got a pardon going with the president right now, hopefully, to get that out. She says, for all the bad-mouthing I did, would you forgive me, please? And I put my arms around my daughter, and I held her, and I held her head like I used to when she was a little baby, and just held her there. And I said, oh, my beautiful, beautiful daughter, I forgive you.
And I thought, you know what? I forgive everybody. I forgive everybody in the past. I forgive everybody today. I forgive everybody far and near. I forgive everybody. Everybody. And I will tell you this. Today, I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful for the program of. for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am grateful for a God that I do not understand, don't pretend to know, understand, but most of all, I'm grateful for people like you in
[01:00:02]
rooms like this that teach me AA works and it works great, thank you.