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Source: Alateen M – Kentucky State AFG Convention 2024 Alateen Panel – Date Unknown.mp3 File: alateen-m-kentucky-state-afg-convention-2024-alateen-panel-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:00:31
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Hi, my name is Zelda. I'm a grateful member of the Worldwide Fellowship of Al-Anon and Alateen. I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both of my parents were alcoholics. My dad showed his alcohol through abuse and my mom showed it through her sadness. And I didn't really know that growing up because it usually happened kind of when I was sleeping. Kind of sounds weird. But I didn't really know what was going on.
I knew that something was wrong. I just really couldn't figure out what it was. And like dad would come home and he would drink at least 12 scotches and then kind of act a little bit weird. But I was scared because he acted so, like, I don't know, he just didn't, something didn't seem right around me. And then I figured out that it was alcohol. It made him to the point where he just wasn't conscious and he wasn't the one who could take care of me or my sister.
So that happened and I moved. I got it with my mom, my beautiful, amazing mother who just, you know, she kind of saved the day. But she was the one who got us out of there and then we moved over to my grandma's house. And for a while we were just, you know, living upstairs, sleeping on a mattress, doing whatever. And I didn't know why because I was just, like, every night I was laying in bed, I'm like, why do I never get to see my dad anymore? Why?
And one day, this was my first time that I ever saw my dad, like, really, really drunk and really, really abusive. He's the same with reptiles. He really loves snakes and all. So, like, if he sees one in the wild, he's just going to grab it and come show it to us and whatever breed it is, I really don't honestly care. But he came to my grandma's house and we were there and my mom was just, like, she wanted us to be safe.
And she was saying, like, you have to get help before you can see the girls because you can't be like this around them. So he came to the house and he brought this, I guess it was a rat snake, I don't know. But he brought that there and he was showing it to us. And then I was watching, I can't remember what movie it was. It was a movie anyway. But I was watching it and he was talking to my mom and he got really angry.
Like, I didn't know why. He just got really mad and, like, at that point I think he threw the snake into the yard or something, I don't know. And then he picked me up, he put me over his shoulder and he started, like, racing out the door. My mom was screaming, pounding on him and he just would not let go. And at that point, like, I was just saying, mommy, I want my mommy. But he didn't listen. And I get why he did that now.
But so he put me over his shoulder and he was taking me out the door. And at that point I kind of wanted to kick him because, like, get off of me. I can't breathe. But, like, at the same time I thought, I was like, that's my dad. I can't do that. So he took me out the door and we were, like, at this point we were, like, in the driveway. And he was just screaming and all. And then, like, my mom was just like, to my grandpa, get your gun.
He wasn't going to shoot my dad. My mom never wanted to hurt my dad. But that was a threat to, like, put me down because you can't be holding me. You're not safe right now. And so he put me down and I raced over to my mom. We went into the house. We locked all the doors. They called the police. My dad drove away. He was just trying to take me because he loves me, but he just doesn't know how to show it.
And I think that's something that really bothers him because he just doesn't know why that he can't be around us. You can't be around us because you don't know how to control yourself. You have to learn how to do that before you come and see us. So I didn't see my dad for, I want to say a year maybe. I don't know. I didn't see him for a while. And we started going to this thing called the Butterfly House.
Sounds weird. I didn't like it at first. But then I saw, like, because the first time I saw my dad, this was, like, yeah, a year after he had picked me up. And, you know, that's, like, the last time the thing I remembered of him. And, like, that's a place where, you know, kids can go see their divorced parents and they can be safe with them. And somebody's in the room so they can't talk about all that stuff that they're not supposed to to their kids.
So he was in there. And, like, as soon as I went in, like, he was, like, beckoning me to come over and hug him.
[00:05:04]
And I did. But, like, the same time I'm just, like, why are you being so nice to me now? Like, you weren't before. You were just, you know, picking me up and screaming at everybody and trying to take me away. But so after that, like, he promised to start getting better. And, like, every day I would go, like, I think it was every Sunday we would go see him at the Butterfly House. And, like, that was, I thought it was amazing.
Like, that was what I looked forward to every week, just going to see my daddy because I didn't get to see him at home. I did not get to go out with him and, like, you know, eat food with him at Dairy Queen or whatever. But he, and he got better for a while. And I was really happy about that. But, like, and I was able to go to the park with him and stuff. And one day, like, whenever we were at the park, after, like, whenever he started getting better, my grandpa would come with us.
Because you always have to have an adult whenever you're going out with him to do something with him. So my grandpa, he was doing something. I mean, like, we were at a playground and he was playing with Evie over there. And then we sat on this bench and he had bought us an ice cream. And he was just, it was just me and him. And I guess since they thought I was the older one, I should probably know everything, being six years old, I guess.
So I don't really know. And then he told me, he's like, your mommy's trying to put me in jail. And, like, I didn't say anything because, like, I don't know if this is true or not. Because this is what you say, but it can mean a totally different thing than what my mom says. So he just told me that. And then he lifted that. And that's all I ever heard of him about how my mom was going to put him in jail, which it's not true.
No, you can't do that. You chose to not be a part of my life. You chose to drink alcohol and you chose alcohol over me and my sister. So whenever, after, like, whenever, after that, like, he didn't talk to me about it anymore. Because whenever we went back to the butterfly house, he couldn't talk about that stuff. Because there was somebody there listening to everything. So he's, like, he, I'm not going to say that he was an Eddie Haskell.
But, like, it's, like, it's almost saying that, like, if there's somebody there, then you cannot talk like that. Like, you can't talk like that in front of them. If there's nobody there and it's just me and you, then, of course, you can pour out all your feelings into me or whatever. But, so, and, like, he started to get better. And then I'm just going to say this one time. His mom, which is my former nana, I guess, that's what I called her, she was abusive.
But she was, like, she loved me more than anything. And she was really sweet. But she was, like, really mean to my dad as well. So one time whenever, like, he was getting better, she came over to the park with us. And then she was talking about, and then she's, like, and, like, she just said this to Evie, like, whenever she had to leave for something. Me and my dad and my poppy were still at the park.
She was going to leave. And she just said, like, a regular bye to my sister. And then she came over to me and she said, your mommy's trying to put your daddy in jail. And then I was just, like, okay. I didn't really mean it because at that point I didn't really know what to say because everybody had been telling me my mom's trying to put my dad in jail because who knows what. And I was just, like, okay.
And she didn't give me a love you at all before she left. She just told me that and then left for whatever. And I was mad because, first of all, just because I'm six years old and I'm older than my sister doesn't mean that I have to know everything about what you've done or what my dad's done. That's not my problem. That's y'all's. Thank you. Am I done? Okay. But then I started going to Alateen. I was about eight now and I wasn't allowed to see my dad anymore because of his problem.
And Alateen, the first, like, the first time I ever went to that room, it was in J-Town. It was at this church. I can't remember what name it was. We were in the room. We were making, like, these, I don't know, like, little thingamajiggies. Like, they were crafts or something. And, like, it was a candle and you were making, like, a snowman out of it. I don't know. And so we were doing that and I was just, like, is this what I'm going to be doing for, like, the next year?
So we were doing that. And then we started the meeting and we were talking about, like, how we felt. And I was just, like, they all seem like they have, like, problematic parents as well. So I was out. It felt, like, better to me because to know that I wasn't alone anymore because a lot of other kids, like, people can have it worse. And whenever I went to the Butterfly House, like, I was always, like, it's just me.
I'm the only one who has parents as bad as this.
[00:10:02]
So whenever I started going to Alateen, I realized that I'm not alone. There are people here with me that have experienced almost the same thing as me. And from then on, I started going. And more and more, I got to watch people talk. I got to go to conventions. I got to do all this amazing stuff. And it was, like, it was really fun because to know that I have a place to go and nobody is going to tell everybody about it.
That's what anonymity is. It's whatever is said in this room does not come out of this room. It stays in there. And so I was, that was just really, that was amazing to me to know that I'm safe here. I'm not going to, nobody is going to tell anybody about my problems. And after that, I started to realize that this, it's all going to be okay. And I was, like, rarely ever bothered by my dad again. But then this girl, let's talk about her.
So I'll make this really quick. So I was going into a better school after this. The teachers were amazing. I love my school now. But there's this one girl. She was a new girl. Her name is Haley. And Haley came up to me and she's like, I know your dad. And I know who you are and what you've been doing and stuff. And I was just like, no, you don't. Go away. And it turns out, yeah, she didn't know because my dad had a baby with a new lady, a new girl or whatever.
And so I was kind of pissed because you just had another child with another person. And that's not really, I mean, she's 16, you're 36. That's kind of messed up. So I was mad. And I was, whenever they told me that happened, I was like, I felt really bad because I'm just like, you left me. You left my mom. You hurt my mom. You abused us. You have another kid with somebody else and you don't even care about me anymore.
And then the girlfriend, oh, she's horrible. She, okay, making this quick after this. I'm done. I had a Christmas concert because I attend chorus and stuff. She was there. That was her. Her name's Gracie, by the way. Anyway, she was, so there's like the side row. This is like the chorus people. They're big. Everybody's up here. And then there's side rows. I was on this side. And we, like, we were holding candles during Lone Park because we were singing a song.
So everybody passed down the candle in the box and I sat right here since I was on the end. She was over there. And I didn't know her for a second. And she, like, she kept smiling at me. She was, she had a baby. And, like, she babysits. So she, Haley, like, she babysits Haley. So she can tell her to go up to me at school and tell me all this nonsense that's going on that I don't really need to know about because that's your problem.
So I was sitting there and then she, like, I'm just like, she looks familiar. And she's bouncing her baby up and down and she's making a wave at hand at me, which is really freaky, I thought, because I'm just like, I don't want to know that. And then whenever she did that, I, like, mouthed and was like, Gracie? And then she goes. And then I was really terrified because I don't need to be around her.
She thinks that we can all be friends. No, you can't. No, you can't. That's a really bad relationship that you do not want to get into. So she just kept, she kept waving that baby's hand at me. And then, like, I got really scared and I kept, I kept telling my friend and she's like, she's like, are you okay? And I'm just like, no, I'm not. And so we sat down, like, she just kept looking at me and she keeps smiling at me and I'm just like, stop it.
I don't like that. And whenever, like, my mom was there, too. Whenever, like, we came, whenever we were going out because the correspondence was over and all, I was just like, my mom was like, you did amazing. I'm like, Gracie's here. We have to go now. And my mom, like, it turns out Gracie had tried to wave to my mom as well, which she, she's sick. She's been abused. It's hard for her to know that you can't just do that.
That's scary. That's stalkerish. I don't even know if that's a word. But anyway, she kept waving to me and then we went into the car and we drove home. And I had a few choice words to say out the window because I do not like her. She's just, she just keeps following me and I'm just like, stop it. Eventually, she stopped and, yeah, anyway, that's all I'm going to say today. That's all I'm going to say today, but encourage your kids to go to COMIAC, because this is our shirt for COMIAC this year, and it's amazing.
[00:15:05]
It's three days, it's on the weekend. You arrive there, you get to do all these fun activities and workshops. We get to hear somebody speak. We have a talent show. It's amazing. Encourage your grandchildren, kids, anybody that can be welcomed to Alateen to go, because it's amazing. Thank you. Thank you, Zelda. That's all I can say. And now I would like to introduce Ezra, and he's from Helping Hands Alateen in New Albany, Indiana.
Come on up, Ezra. Hello, I'm Ezra. Hi, Ezra. We love you, Ezra. Lots and lots and lots and whole bunches. I think I should probably just start off by saying I used to be a very easily manipulated person, and that was a big struggle for me because I can't remember much when I was little, but I think my mom probably started when I was around five or six, and she didn't drink nearly as much as she does now.
But I would notice her. She would come back. She would go out with my stepdad, and she would go, and she would, I don't know where she went, probably to the bar or somewhere where she would get drunk, and she'd come home, and she'd be stumbling into the house, and she would go to her room and lay down, and my stepdad would come and take care of me, put me to bed, and he'd go to his room, and it happened many, many nights.
And I don't remember much after that really, but I, one night when I was, and I was in fifth grade, so I was like nine or ten, and I came home from school. She picked me up from school, and she took me through the drive-thru of the liquor store, and she got a bottle of vodka, I don't know, maybe this big, like the size of a two-liter bottle of soda, and we came home. I went to my room after I did my homework, and I came back down a few hours later to go to the restroom, and she was in the restroom, so I went into the kitchen to wait, and in the trash can was an empty bottle of vodka.
So I was like, wow, because she managed to drink that much in like two hours. I thought I was insane. And I went, she came out of the bathroom, and I went in, and she was like bouncing off the walls like a pinball, and she was like, hey, goodnight. So she went to her room, and I guess she went to bed, because I didn't see her anymore after that. And then, so I went to the restroom, and I went to bed.
And a little after that, not much longer, she divorced my stepdad. Not sure why, but they fought a lot. And they threatened each other a lot, so I think that kind of influenced a lot more of her drinking. I didn't notice much, really. It was kind of on and off. I think she was trying to like stop, and then she kept relapsing, and I didn't really know what that was at the time. I didn't even know really she was an alcoholic. I thought she just liked to drink.
But I'd say two years later, I was 10 or 11, and I got off the bus from school, and I came in, and I walked into the living room, and she's sitting here, and there's a guy sitting next to her.
[00:20:03]
Who's that? So she's like, oh, this is John. Okay, so I went into my room, and I came back out a little, not much longer later, and he starts talking to me like, hey, how you doing? And I'm like, I'm fine. And I notice next to my mom, like in between them, was like a bottle, like two bottles of beer, and I guess, I don't know, he probably brought it over, because she didn't drink beer really. She drank a lot of wine, though, and vodka.
So I went back to my room, because I didn't want to see her drink. And then he didn't try to build a relationship with me like he should have. He kind of tried to buy my trust, and he would buy me candy every time he picked me up from school, and he would get me a drink, and I was like, you don't need to do this, because it's not working. So he kept doing it, though. I don't know why. And I noticed after she started dating him that she started drinking a lot more, and like she would go outside, and she'd sleep on the deck, and she would talk to, I think, my grandma.
But she would go out there and fall asleep on the deck. She cried a lot, and I didn't know what to think about it. It was hard for me, because I really did start to notice at that point. I was like, she has a problem. She needs help. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to call. So I started talking to my dad over the phone about it, because she had primary custody, and I would only go to my dad's every other weekend, because he lives in Jeffersonville, Indiana, and we lived in Glasgow, Kentucky.
So it was about a two-hour drive, so I was only allowed to go, not allowed to, but I was only able to, because I went to elementary school, and my mom went on weekends with me. So that's why I only went that much. When I was in the sixth grade, I went on a trip, because that was the last year of elementary school for me. So my sixth grader went on a trip, and we went to this place. It was called Barefoot Republic. It was a ton of fun.
We went with my school. They had a bunch of stuff we could do there. And it was for a weekend. It was an overnight trip. So I went back home, and she was asleep on the couch with three bottles of whiskey on the floor next to her. So I went to my room, and I called my dad. I said, hey, she's drinking again. He says, well, do you want me to come pick you up? I said no. And I tended to say no a lot, and I didn't really start getting picked up by him until about last year.
And I noticed she drank on and off, like she'd drink one day a lot, and she'd only have a little bit the next day, and then she'd drink a lot. And she kept doing that for like a year almost. And then she was, I think it was a few days after I started seventh grade, she got me in the car, and I just thought she was tired because of the way she was acting because she acts drunk when she's tired, but not like all the way.
[00:25:03]
But because of the way she was acting, I thought she was just tired. But I noticed about halfway through the trip to school that she was like driving all over the place, hitting curbs, running red lights. So I ended up telling one of my teachers at school about that, and she told social services, and I got called down one day to the office, and they had me go into the principal's office, like the vice principal's office, and there were two ladies there.
I don't remember one of them's name, but I know the other one's name was Paige. She was a really nice lady, and she had me sit down. She was asking me a bunch of questions about like how much my mom drank and how much I noticed it, and I was telling her like everything truthfully, and the other lady was writing stuff down. And I went home that day, and I never told my mom, but I told my dad and my stepmom about it.
I was like these people came to my school, and they talked to me about a bunch of questions. They asked me a bunch of questions. Sorry. I guess I did end up telling her about it, or somebody told her about it, and she got like really mad at me for telling my teacher, and she yelled at me a lot, so I ended up just locking myself in my room for hours and only coming out to use the restroom. So I would go in there, and I didn't eat, and I got a drink of water occasionally, and that was – I basically lived in my room for months.
And she was constantly drinking, and she kept falling asleep on the deck, and she just got worse after I told my teacher. And then recently, a few months ago, it was my 13th birthday, and we had a plan because she had stopped drinking for maybe a month, and I stayed with her for a few days, and I was supposed to have her for my 13th birthday and then go on for a few more days after that. And then she didn't drink the first few days, but when I woke up, she was supposed to have made breakfast that morning.
She did. It was burning in the oven. My grandma and grandpa came over. She invited them to eat breakfast. I had to end up taking the biscuits out of the oven. They were like crumbly, like black. Like – and she was very, very drunk. And she went to go let our dogs outside to go to the restroom, and she – for some reason, she let the cat out too. Like she picked up the cat, put it outside. And then she made me go get the cat because it was my fault apparently.
And then my grandparents – well, my grandma took me to my room, and she started talking to me. She's like, hey, I don't know if you've noticed. And I was like, yeah. And we sat there, and we talked for a little bit. She was like, I don't know what I can do. But they decided to leave because it was just me and my mom and my brother. He's six. And around that time, I started taking – I was essentially his caretaker because my stepdad is an EMS, and he's never home.
He's usually – he usually works 12-hour shifts, and he goes to sleep, and he goes back to work. So I was the one taking care of my brother while my mom slept and drank. And after my grandparents left, I went outside, and I called my dad, and I told him that she was drinking. And he was like, okay, well, do you need me to come pick you up? I said, no, I can handle it.
[00:30:02]
I couldn't. She got worse. She kept drinking. She had multiple drinks that I could count that day. She kept drinking and I called my dad and she came, he came and picked me up and we went back and he told me about Alateen and how he had started going to Al-Anon. And I was like, I don't want to go to that. I don't want to talk about my feelings. So, he got me into Alateen and I hated it for the first few weeks, maybe like a month or two.
And I started liking it a lot and got really involved and I started going every week, at least once a week, sometimes two, sometimes three. And this year was my first Comey-Ac and I loved it and I'm looking forward to go next year. And at Comey-Ac, I got elected the Kentucky State Representative for Alateen. And we started doing supervised visitations with my mom. We're almost done with those. We're going to start doing overnight soon and hoping it goes well.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Ezra. And now I would like to introduce Starrett and she is in her hometown of Lexington. Wait, what? Oh, okay. I'm Starrett. Hi, Starrett. We love you, Starrett. Lots and lots and lots and whole bunches. Uh, and stuff, you know. Arr. Um, so my dad is the alcoholic. And I've always known that he was an alcoholic, like, since I was really young. And I knew, well, I didn't know that he was an alcoholic, but I just knew that something was off.
And I could tell that what he was doing wasn't normal, but I just thought that it was normal because that's, like, all I was around. And my mom, she owned a pet store, so I was never really with my dad. I was always there, so I had, like, a place I could go. And the only times I would ever see him or, like, be with him ever was when my mom would go out of town. And when my dad had a, because I would have to stay with my dad.
And he just was very controlling. And whenever he drinks, he likes to, like, he doesn't think he's an alcoholic because he doesn't hide it. He's very, like, open with his drinking. So he thinks that it's just drinking because he doesn't hide it. And so you'll just see a bunch of alcohol. And he's very, like, he's very functional whenever he's drunk. Like, he acts like a normal person. So whenever you would tell somebody, like, whenever I would go tell somebody what he would be doing, they just, like, won't believe you because he's very nice in front of people and just knows how to handle himself.
But behind closed doors, he's really mean. He tries to control everything that you do. Like, when my mom would go out of town, he would make me, like, macaroni or something. And I had ten minutes to eat it. And if I didn't eat it within those ten minutes, he would just take it and I would have to go to sleep.
[00:35:04]
But he could stay up and eat his food as long as he wanted, drink, do whatever. And he, um, like, I always stood up to him. Like, I wouldn't stand up to him, but, like, whenever he would talk about, like, bad about somebody, I would always talk back and be like, don't do that. Like, you're the one in the wrong. Like, I would always try and tell him that he was wrong. And it wouldn't go good, but he would, like, I don't know.
He liked to go after, like, my mom and my sister because they would just let him do it and not say anything. And so he would only do things to me whenever they weren't there. So I, like, I used to think that it was like, why can't he go after me because I'm stronger? Like, I'm not stronger, but, like, I can deal with more than I feel like they can. So I would always feel like he should go after me instead of them because they're very, like, nice and stuff.
Like, I don't know how to explain it. But I just felt like it was my fault. And whenever, so we, like, for the school I went to, we had an apartment. And whenever he would get really mad or something and he would start to, like, threaten us and stuff, we would just go to that apartment and we would stay there for a few days. And, like, we would still see him and stuff, but we would just stay there for the night.
And, like, I, it just was normal leaving at, like, 3 o'clock in the morning being like, we got to go stay here for a bit because my dad's mad. And I just, like, I was just, like, taught that that was, like, normal. Like, my mom, she would make excuses for him. And he had a very bad childhood, too. So, like, we would just kind of blame that for it. Like, oh, his mom and dad were the exact same way, so he was obviously going to be like that, too.
But he could have changed his family, like, by not doing it, too. But he chose to do it and so did his brother. And they're both just, like, I don't know. They're just both very open about it, so they don't think that they're alcoholics. But there was a night that my dad, we were having a party, and my dad got really drunk and my sister and her friends were all at my house. And they were 11 years apart, so they're, like, 22, 23.
And it was the summer right before school. I think school just got out. And they were all drinking, too, and they got in an argument. And my dad thought that it was his responsibility to make them stop arguing or, like, fighting each other, but they weren't really going to fight each other. They'd just be saying that, like, to make, I don't know, jokes. Like, they don't joke, but whenever they're mad, they don't actually do stuff.
But he thought it was his responsibility, so he came out there and just started screaming at all of us. And so everybody can tell that he's in his little mood. That's not a good one. And so people start to leave and my sister goes to her room and he goes to do the laundry or something, get something out of the dryer for his client. And he got mad that my sister's clothes were in the dryer and not his stuff.
So he, like, swings open the laundry room and, like, a bunch of, like, I don't know if he threw something or what he did, but there were just, like, stuff everywhere on the ground. Like, there were, like, Easter eggs or something
[00:40:01]
on the ground because of Easter. It was, like, close to it, I guess. But he does that and then I can tell that my dad's in a messed up mood, so I go in my sister's room. And I don't, like, hide in there, but it's, like, the farthest room away from where he was and she was in there, so I just went in there. And I was sitting on the floor and I can hear my dad screaming at my mom. My mom's just, like, go to bed and he's just screaming.
And normally he would listen and just go to sleep, but he didn't listen that night. And so we could all tell that something bad was about to happen. And my sister has, like, a loft bed or whatever, so she's in her bed and I'm on the floor by the door and I can just hear him stepping, like, closer and closer. And I'm just, like, this is not about to be good. I don't understand why he has to be so, I don't know.
He just cusses and just does a lot. And then he gets in the room and my mom gets in front of him and is just, like, go to bed. And then he, like, shoves her out of the way and is screaming at my sister. And my sister jumps out of her bed whenever my dad shoves my mom and goes after him. And he just slams her on the, I don't know what he does, but he, like, picks her up almost or, like, pushes her into the door in, like, a laundry basket.
So she had, like, a bump on her head. And we're all just screaming. And he sits, he just is, they're, like, all fighting on the ground. Like, they're not fighting, but, like, he just, like, has them in a chokehold and stuff. And I'm just, like, I'm, like, 11. I'm, like, what do I do in this type of situation? Which I knew what to do, but, like, in the moment, I was just, like, like, I know what to do.
But I just can't get it through my head that that's what I have to do. And so my mom's screaming, like, call the police, call the police. So I call them, but then I don't know what to say. So I hand the phone to my sister. She's on the ground, so she can't do nothing. But he lets go of her and goes to my mom. And they're, like, we all were in my sister's room and it moves into the hallway in, like, my bathroom.
And my sister calls the police. And before all that happened, my mom was, like, okay, we're going, like, we're leaving, get your stuff. So I was, I was, I went downstairs and I waited in the car. Nobody came. So I go upstairs and I don't hear anybody. I'm, like, where did everybody go? And I see my dad. And he's talking to the police. And I'm, like, where's my mom and my sister? And they were, like, they're outside.
And my dad just looks at me and, like, he has these eyes that he has whenever he gets really drunk. And it's, like, I just want to, like, kill anybody in front of me. And he looks at me and he just is, like, she caused all of this. And I was, like, okay. So I go find my mom and my sister. They're outside talking to the police. There's, like, the whole street's full of cop cars, like, everything. And I'm just, like, what is happening right now?
Like, I did not think that this would ever get this bad. And I am just sitting there crying. And my mom and my sister, they're crying.
[00:45:03]
and then he would sit there and scream at us and I just like, nobody really like, I felt like nobody really understood why I was like sad in the moment. Like my sister, I remember, she was just like, why are you crying, he didn't do nothing to you and I was like, he may have not done it to me but he just did it to you and like, I don't like expressing my feelings so I just keep to myself and after that day, the next day, he gets arrested, he, we have like a restraining order on him, I'm not allowed to talk to him for like six months but now I go see him every once in a while but I hate seeing him because every single time I try and see him, we always get in an argument and I'm with him for like ten minutes and then he'll take me home, like we'll make it a mile away from my house and then he's like, I'm just taking you home, I'm not dealing with you today and I'm like, that's fine, like I really, I don't know, I have, he likes me the best too so I have a better relationship with him than my sister does and my sister, she gets mad at me because she wants the relationship I have with him but I don't necessarily want that relationship because I've tried the relationship and it just never seems to work so I've kind of just given up on it and, yeah I am, but the next day, we go to an Al-Anon meeting, me, my mom and my sister and I hated it, I was like, this thing's so boring, like there's just a bunch of like people staring at me and I'm the only kid in the room and then I don't know how long later but my mom kept going to them and then I was just like, why do you keep going to those and then she was like, you should really try it again and I found a meeting that's meant for kids so maybe you'll like that one better, I was like, I guess and then, because I thought it would be the same but then I went to an Allen Teen meeting that was in Lexington and I was the only one there and I was like, I didn't really like that either because I was just talking to two adults, like there was nobody there that I could relate to so then I think it was like a convention that they were doing and somebody from the local meeting was speaking and so I went to that meeting like the next week and there were a lot of kids there and ever since then I've gone to both of the meetings but the Louisville one, I like a lot more, I go to that one more than the other one because there's a bunch of kids there but yeah, oh yeah, I went to Comiac this year, it was my first one and I really enjoyed it and I'll go again next year but yeah.
Applause Thank you Starrett and next I want to introduce Nikki and Nikki is from the Helping Hands Allen Teen group in New Albany, come on up Nikki. Applause Hi, my name's Nikki. Hi Nikki, we love you Nikki, lots and lots and lots and whole bunches and stuff, you know.
[00:50:06]
Sorry, I've been here a couple 24 hours and like as an older kid, I'm never going to get sick of hearing that. Okay, so I go to the Helping Hands meeting Thursday night, 730 to 830 in New Albany, Indiana, there's not really any other Allen Teen meetings in Southern Indiana so that's my go to. I grew up in Charlestown, Indiana which is a really small rural town, you can go to Dollar General for fun, I'm like 40 minutes from a Walmart so that's like bougie for me but that's kind of the environment where I grew up at, very small town, very everybody knows everybody.
I started being an adult when I was 5, my parents got divorced when I was very young, remembering my childhood is kind of messy, I remember the things that are like kind of burn there forever but the order of stuff is kind of all messed up unless I like really, really think about it but when my mom and my dad got divorced, there was a lot of factors that went into that, addiction, cheating, just all sorts of things.
My dad basically immediately moved in with my step mom who lives like 5 minutes away because small town so there was times growing up that I would spend more time with my dad, more time with my mom, it just kind of went in between. I have an older sister who I also spend a lot of time with who is like 8 and a half years older than me, there's a pretty big age gap but growing up there was just a lot of problems.
My mom started drinking from a very young age, I didn't know what it was but would later find out that it was also like a very heavy cocaine addiction and then my dad had his own set of problems as well that he hadn't dealt with from his childhood but when my parents split, what happened was basically I became the adult for my mom, I became the caretaker, it was just me and my mom, at that time most of the family on her side lived in Florida and then my dad lived with my step mom and then there was two step brothers in the house who I really didn't like and had my own set of issues with and so it just became a game pretty much, I learned very early on of I became the adult and adulting sucks, like hated it then, hate it now but so my dad moved out with my now step mom, got married basically within like a year, it was a very fast process.
My mom was in a relationship with one of her like childhood friends or whatever, he was a big dude, he could pack a punch, it was not good, he never was like physically violent with me but he was a lot with my mom and so it got to a point where the important part that I want to hit is I remember there was one time they had gone into it and he like smacked her in the house and it had like split her lip and her nose was bleeding and he left for a little bit to go cool down whatever, she went outside on the porch I guess calling my grandma, I don't know who, I don't remember but what I do remember is really vividly I remember looking at that blood stain, that blood trail on the floor and it bothered me.
I didn't like it because I couldn't stop thinking about what happened longer it was there and this wasn't my first rodeo at this point, it was more so of a matter of it just kept bothering me and so I went outside while my mom was on the phone and I was probably around like somewhere between 8 and 10 and I asked her if I could clean up the blood stain or if she was calling the police because at that point I knew there was times where police officers were going to come take pictures of stuff or it got cleaned up, that was the two options.
So that was the first time I think my mom realized what was going on, I think that was her breaking point because there was times she had said she was going to leave, she never did but I feel like that was the first time my mom saw me, like she looked at me and she saw me and she understood our situation. And so it wasn't very long after that that my mom left but I cleaned up the blood stain. And so going through my childhood I collected a plethora of issues, abandonment issues, trust issues, parental issues, I was collecting them like Pokemon cards and it was just at this point I had become like a robot with it almost, like you spend so long in survival mode that you don't, I didn't have an identity, my identity was taking care of other people and getting through the day.
I was a good student, I had good grades, I liked being in control and those were things I could control. So I liked being in control of those. When I was 11 there was a time period I was spending more time with my dad and I remember he called me in there one day because my mom had already gotten into some trouble because she had gotten a whopping 3 DUIs in a week and they were like ooh, can't be doing that.
So they had to go to court and I didn't know it at the time but they were mandating that I had to be put back in therapy. I had done it when I was younger but I just wouldn't talk. And then they had apparently said I had to go to Allenteen, I wasn't there so I didn't know about this.
[00:55:00]
So my dad calls me in the kitchen room and he's like, he gives me this little paper, this little pamphlet thing and he's like we're going to an Allenteen meeting in an hour. And I just kind of looked at him and I took it and I went to my room and then I ripped it up and I threw it in my trash can. But I went to my first Allenteen meeting that night and it was on Serenity and I was so mad when I walked in that room.
My dad walked me in there for the first 3 months of me going to Allenteen so that I would sit in the room and not just outside. But I went in there, I didn't know but he had already given the warning spiel to the sponsors there the week before. I'm like hey, you might want to watch out for that one. But I came in there and there was like 15 kids I was one of the very young ones at that point and they were all laughing and they were talking and the adults were laughing with them which was weird because adults don't laugh, they scream.
And so I was very confused but I sat down in my seat and I didn't really say anything for the first like 3 months. And then 3 months in they started talking about this thing called Comiac and I was like okay. And I was like okay. And so they give me this packet and they're like go give this to your dad. And I'm like okay. And in my head I'm like my dad doesn't let me go around the block by myself. He's not letting you strange people take me somewhere for a weekend.
My dad did, my dad made me go. And that was the best experience ever. It had been really hard at that point. I wasn't talking about my feelings. When I was 12 I had already tried to kill myself twice. My sister had tried to kill herself when she was 16. It was just not a good, it was not going down a good road. And so I was attached to the hip to like 2 or 3 girls that were in my meeting that weekend.
Allotines kind of tend to travel in herds once they like it here. And so I went to my first Comiac and I came back and I actually started talking. I started doing stuff. When they talked about going to bake sales or selling raffle tickets or things I would go. It made a very big impact. And so I'm 19 now so I've been here for a while, getting old. Still angry, still angsty some days. Been on nearly as much as I used to be.
And I have a lot more appreciation for things. I will say I would not be here if it wasn't for sponsors. I wouldn't have a meeting if it wasn't for sponsors. I think it takes a really special person to be an Allotine sponsor. Because I'm not going to lie, we're a lot to handle. We're mad when we get there. A lot of us don't want to be there. We're angry, we're sad. We didn't grow up in a home with coddling.
That's not a thing. And then we get in this room and you expect us not even just to talk to other kids because kids are mean. You expect us to talk to an adult and to believe that they're stable. And that's not what we grew up with. We were the adults. We are the adults in our lives. And that's where most of us come from. We have been. So it takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of grace. Because we're some interesting individuals.
But if you give it time and if you consistently do it and you have some patience and a little bit of grace, you're going to find Allotines love you like nobody else can. We're full of love. We're full of hope for people. We want to see the best in people. We're prepared to see the worst out of you. And that's just how we've had to live. So if you or anyone else you know that goes to Allonon meetings is interested in being a sponsor, take a minute and go talk to an Allotine.
And you might be surprised how much you have in common with a 12-year-old or a 14-year-old who's in an active house. Because our addiction is typically people close so that you don't get to run away from it. You get to live in it. And then you get to hope and pray that you don't repeat the cycle when you get older and that you get to get away from it. So if being a sponsor is something you want to know, take some time and talk to some kids first.
Because it is a commitment. I'm not going to lie to you. It is a big commitment. You're agreeing to be that person for those kids and you're agreeing to be there. And it sucks because you want to make it better, but you can't. You know, I came into that room and I expected, part of the reason I was so angry was I expected to go into this room and have these people try to sit here and fix me. And that's not what happened.
I would go in there and I can talk about things and my sponsor can sit with me and go, yeah, that sucks. And I'm allowed to think it sucks. But that helps. And they give me tools. I don't have to drown by myself. You know, there's other people with me that can help. But talk to kids, you know. Do things like that. Talk to other sponsors. Talk to other sponsors, and if it's something you're scared of because you think the kids aren't going to like you or this or that, you know what, at first you're probably right, we don't want to be there, we're angry, but if you give it some time it can be very rewarding.
[01:00:02]
So I just encourage you to think about it, because after Alateen got shut down for a while we didn't have sponsors, and there's people I know who they don't have enough sponsors to open their Alateen meeting back up, and so those kids never got to have Alateen again, and that's sad and I hate that, because it's a very, very important thing. So it's just something I encourage you to think about.